<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Eternal Summer by missgryffin</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619699">Eternal Summer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgryffin/pseuds/missgryffin'>missgryffin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>7th year, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Marauders, Smut, Violence, mostly canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:42:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>309,797</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgryffin/pseuds/missgryffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James Potter just spent his sixth year trying to get over Lily Evans while, unbeknownst to him, Lily Evans just spent her sixth year trying not to fancy James Potter. Now, they just had a drunken near-kiss that neither one remembers, they've been named Head Boy and Girl, and they're both wondering how they'll survive their final year at Hogwarts in each others' presence.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>139</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Dare, But With A Charm On It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome! This is a 7th-year Jily fic that is mostly canon-compliant, with some OCs of my extrapolation. There's a little James/OC at the beginning, but rest assured, this is very much a Jily-centered romance! I love them with my whole heart, and we will get there (sooner rather than later - these kids are crazy about each other!).</p>
<p>Also, I have already been posting for awhile on FFnet, and I decided to join AO3 after getting some requests to do so — so if you're wondering why/how I suddenly posted 14 chapters on the same date, that's why! AO3 is now fully caught up, and I will continue posting on both platforms going forward. </p>
<p>I love to chat about characters, plot ideas, and all things Jily over at Tumblr - you can find me @missgryffin, come say hello!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Fireworks whistled through the sky, the thrum of revelry steady across the valley, and at the Potters' campsite, a massive bonfire crackled in front of an unassuming tent. As James' father wouldn't be arriving until the next afternoon, he and Sirius had put the word out that the Potters' campsite was the place to be the night before the Quidditch World Cup, and sure enough, a crowd of their Hogwarts classmates were mingling around the bonfire as James and Sirius passed out Butterbeers and shots of Firewhisky.</p>
<p>"All right, Potter?" James felt himself thumped heartily on the back and turned to see Ludo Bagman, a large grin on his boyish face.</p>
<p>"You bet, LB," said James, cracking open a Butterbeer from a crate and handing it to Ludo.</p>
<p>"Cheers." Ludo took a deep swig.</p>
<p>"Summer training going well?"</p>
<p>Ludo nodded. "Yeah, I've got some new techniques for different styles of hits. Reckon some'll be clutch for Black, he's better at those close-range shots."</p>
<p>James chuckled. Sirius and Ludo complemented each other so well as Beaters for precisely that reason: Ludo had more brute-force strength and could launch Bludgers halfway down the pitch, but Sirius had far better aim. "We'll have a training session when we get back to Hogwarts, yeah? You can show us?"</p>
<p>"Sure thing. Also, just so you know, I'll probably have scouts coming this year, they start coming to matches in year six."</p>
<p>"No problem. That's cool, mate."</p>
<p>"You know, it's not too late for you, Potter."</p>
<p>James cracked his own Butterbeer. "What d'you mean?"</p>
<p>Ludo rolled his eyes. "You could play Chaser anywhere, man. You really don't wanna go pro?"</p>
<p>James dragged a hand through his hair. Growing up, a professional Quidditch player had been the only thing he had ever wanted to be, but once the war had started to pick up outside school and he had studied for his O.W.L.s with Auror training in mind, that childhood dream had fallen nostalgically to the wayside.</p>
<p>"I dunno, LB. I mean, I always thought about it, I guess, but I haven't <em>seriously</em> thought about it, you know?"</p>
<p>Ludo tipped his Butterbeer. "Well, think about it, and fast. Scouts will be at matches anyway because I'm on their watchlist, no way they won't look into you once they see you play."</p>
<p>James smiled, raising his own bottle to his mouth. "We'll see how it goes, mate."</p>
<p>"Mac too, you know. She's loads better than some of the Seekers at camp."</p>
<p>That, he believed. Mary Macdonald, called "Mac" by her friends since childhood, was a superb Seeker. James took all the credit. Their parents were close friends, and he and Mary, two only children, had grown up together like non-biological twins, spending summers flying kiddy broomsticks and passing balls, pretending they were famous Quidditch players. Now they were living that dream in a way, being two dominant forces for Gryffindor, and they still spent most of their summers flying, though it was real practice now. James couldn't even begin to estimate how many small objects he'd chucked through the air for her to dive after over the years, but it was worth every sore shoulder: Mary had eyes like a hawk and had refined her diving technique so well that other Houses had all started changing their strategy to try to out-score her and force her hand in catching the Snitch while too far behind.</p>
<p>Too bad it hadn't worked; Benjy Fenwick was as good a Keeper as Mary was a Seeker.</p>
<p>Although, Benjy had also graduated, so James was now down a Keeper. Rats.</p>
<p>"Pretty sure she's set on Healer Training," James told Ludo.</p>
<p>Ludo shook his head. "Too bad. Can you imagine? The three of us playing pro together after Hogwarts? It'd be a fucking riot."</p>
<p>James laughed. "Yeah, it would. Hell, <em>this</em> year is going to be a fucking riot. We're winning this again, there's no way we're not."</p>
<p>"Cheers to that, Potter."</p>
<p>Sirius ambled over from where he had been chatting with some sixth-year girls, grabbing a fresh Butterbeer for himself. "Hey, LB. Shack coming to the match?"</p>
<p>Ludo shook his head. "Nah, the Shacklebolts are backpacking in the Himalayas this summer."</p>
<p>Sirius let out a slow whistle. "Wish I had decided to summer with him."</p>
<p>A light female voice said, "You and me both."</p>
<p>James turned to smile at Dorcas Meadowes, a stunningly pretty Spanish girl with light brown skin and naturally curly hair that settled just at her shoulder, and he opened a Butterbeer for her as he said, "Meadowes, you should've tagged along!"</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes. "If it was just Kingsley, I would have, but his parents weren't so keen to bring the girlfriend along on exotic family holiday."</p>
<p>Sirius pulled a face. "Haven't you guys been together for, like, a year?"</p>
<p>Dorcas gave a sly smile. "Officially more like half that, but yeah. I think it's more to do with the fact that I'm in Ravenclaw, to be honest. Omar and Anya were both Gryffindors, I think it hurts their pride a little."</p>
<p>James pulled Dorcas into a friendly side-hug, ruffling her hair; she had always been good friends with the Gryffindor girls, but since she'd started spending more time around the boys by virtue of Kingsley, James had developed a good rapport with her.</p>
<p>"They just need to come to a match and hear you commentate, and it'll be game over, Meadowes."</p>
<p>Dorcas laughed, patting him platonically on the chest. "Thanks, Potter. Tell Euphie to put in a good word for me, yeah?"</p>
<p>James smiled. His parents were friends with the Shacklebolts, as both his mum and Kingsley's dad were on the Hogwarts Board of Governors, and Dorcas and Kingsley had been to the Potters' a lot that summer, it having become the default spot among their crowd to hang out.</p>
<p>"You know she will, she loves you, Meadowes."</p>
<p>"Hey, all."</p>
<p>James looked around to see who was walking up to the group, his arm falling away from Dorcas, and his spine immediately stiffened. Edgar Bones and Amos Diggory, two seventh-year Hufflepuffs, and Edgar's sixth-year sister, Amelia, who was also in Hufflepuff and immediately struck up conversation with Dorcas. It had always amazed James how all the sixth-years girls, across Houses, seemed to be friends; the seventh-year girls, not quite as much.</p>
<p>"Easy, Prongs," Sirius muttered under his breath, and James tried to relax his shoulders, adopt an air of indifference. He had no reason to <em>dislike</em> Edgar. He had always liked him before, respected him even, and in fifth year they had actually become more like friends, having been paired together in Herbology due to Professor Sprout's determination to keep the Marauders apart in class. Edgar was nothing but nice, the natural Hufflepuff leader, a serious student and a solid Keeper. James had always thought of Edgar as sort of like a more goodie-two-shoes version of himself, to be honest. But last year, Edgar had done something James had never seen coming: he started dating Lily Evans.</p>
<p>James knew he had no claim to her whatsoever, but it had stung just the same. It was no secret he had fancied Lily for years, but as he had mostly been an annoying, attention-seeking git when he was younger, he imagined that many people might not realize how genuine his feelings for her had been. Still were? He couldn't be sure. After the events by the lake after their fifth year exams, they had rowed explosively in the Gryffindor common room (Sirius still swore he had felt the floor quake), and James had reluctantly accepted that Lily would probably never forgive him, and that any semblance of House camaraderie they had was gone.</p>
<p>They hadn't spoken all of sixth year. James had devoted himself to getting over his childhood crush on Lily Evans and had determinedly avoided her, which had been relatively easy given that she spent most of her free time away from the Gryffindor common room. But between their shared friends and the cesspool of gossip that was Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he still knew everyone she was linked to, every bloke who was pursuing her, and who she actually went out with. Most of those boys were easy for him to write off in his mind, though he still felt annoying pangs of jealousy at every name, but Edgar had been different. Edgar had been <em>worse</em>. Because he hadn't turned out to be just a month-or-two fling with a couple Hogsmeade Saturdays—he had become her first real, bona fide boyfriend. They had become one of Hogwarts' golden couples, two of the star sixth years, both prefects, making a pair of beauty and brains. James had overheard more than one conversation speculating Edgar and Lily would be named Head Boy and Girl together, which speculation was usually followed by wishes for a dramatic graduation proposal and beautiful, brainy babies.</p>
<p>It all made James rather sick, not least because he never could see how Lily—whose personality was like fire incarnate—and Edgar—all reserved politeness, goody-goody in every way—were compatible as a couple. Something had always just seemed <em>off</em> there to James, like something had to be missing. But he'd tried not to focus on it, because it didn't matter and he was over her anyway, and though he knew he had been frostier to Edgar once he'd started dating Lily, deep down James couldn't blame Edgar one bit for falling for her.</p>
<p>"Potter! Black!" Amos greeted them genially, his cheeks ruddy from the bonfire and, possibly, from a good dose of Firewhisky already.</p>
<p>Edgar, as tall as James but stockier, with clipped brown hair and a boyish handsomeness, nodded at them both but then met James' eye. "Thanks for having everyone, Potter."</p>
<p>James smiled and handed him a Butterbeer. "You'll be cheering for Scotland then, yeah?"</p>
<p>Edgar grinned as he accepted the drink. "Absolutely. No way they'll lose, they have Stewart <em>and </em>Murray."</p>
<p>"Plus the Brazil seeker hasn't been right since that accident in the semis."</p>
<p>Edgar nodded fervently. "Sousa being iffy puts them at a huge disadvantage."</p>
<p>"Oi!" James heard the voice of their friend Marlene McKinnon shout from behind the Hufflepuffs, "you boys going to chat all day, or can the rest of us get some drinks?"</p>
<p>With a smile and a "Cheers, Potter!" Edger drifted off with his friends.</p>
<p>And then she was there, right in front of him: Lily Evans, the absolute last person he had expected to see at his family's tent the night before the Quidditch World Cup. She wore a simple playsuit in solid Scottish blue, its thin straps baring porcelain shoulders James had never seen, and a playful headband, like a thin scarf, was tied off on the top of her head. She had never worn anything remotely like that at school. Her thick blood-red hair seemed longer, falling in loose waves down over her chest, and with a lurch, James noticed one strand was caught at her neckline, laying over swelled curves that he'd only ever vaguely been aware of under layers of button-downs and wool jumpers. His stomach gave an odd swooping sensation that seemed to spread through him as the flickering light from the bonfire illuminated her skin and made her emerald eyes glimmer. She was radiant.</p>
<p>Sirius cleared his throat, breaking James from his trance.</p>
<p>"Alright, Evans?" He hadn't been in this close of proximity to Lily Evans in a long time, and he felt clumsy, like he had to relearn how to act around her.</p>
<p>Her expression was unreadable as she shrugged and said, "Fine, Potter," while accepting a Butterbeer from Sirius.</p>
<p>Next to Lily, Marlene stood in high-waisted shorts and a summery blouse that was just slightly too prim for a World Cup party, but that was Marlene. Her glossy chestnut hair was set in her usual styled curls and held back with a playful scarf like Lily's, and she observed James with her delicate features arranged in her signature impish expression.</p>
<p>"Now, now, play nice, children," she scolded mockingly, throwing Lily and James a knowing look.</p>
<p>Sirius pushed a Butterbeer into Marlene's hands. "We're always nice around here, Marly. How's our boyfriend? You've probably talked to him more recently than me."</p>
<p>Marlene's face clouded for a moment. "Not feeling very well this week. His mum's not doing that well, either."</p>
<p>James met Sirius's eye briefly. It was almost the Full Moon, but Marlene didn't know the particular detail of Remus's lycanthropy, even though they had been an item since their fourth year—a rare longevity for a Hogwarts couple. Rather, the story the school (and Marlene) knew was that Remus suffered a mysterious illness that frequently caused him to have spells of fatigue so intense that he would be bedridden for a few days. Sadly, Remus's mother had also been sick for a few years, and James and Sirius had seen very little of their friend that summer as he spent as much time with her as he could.</p>
<p>Sirius looped an arm around Marlene, squeezing her shoulder. "Cheer up, Marly, Reme wouldn't want long faces at our party on his account."</p>
<p>Marlene threw Sirius a rueful smile as Mary came up behind Lily, putting her hands over Lily's eyes and tackling her from behind. Lily burst into half-annoyed giggles, and James's stomach fluttered at the sound, his eyes immediately going to Lily's smile as she accepted a playful embrace from Mary.</p>
<p>"Oho," Sirius bellowed, "and the life of the par-tay <em>est arriveé</em>!"</p>
<p>"You speaking in rhymes now, Black?" Mary asked cheekily, accepting a Butterbeer from James. She was tall and willowy, nearly the boys' height, and her long black hair, usually pulled back in a tight ponytail, fell pin-straight around her shoulders, the flickering light from bonfire casting shadows across the sharp angles of her face. Like Sirius, Mary had an air of aristocratic elegance, a regal beauty that commanded attention; she was also from a longstanding pureblood family, although hers was native to the Scottish Highlands, their family's estate not far from Hogwarts. James had secretly always wondered if Sirius and Mary shared an ancestor in their complex web of family trees, because they were like two sides to the same coin.</p>
<p>"<em>Ouais</em>," said a throaty voice by Mary, "let's get this party started—pour me a Firewhisky, Black."</p>
<p>Sirius let out a low whistle. "Damn, Dahl, you came to play."</p>
<p>James's eyes locked on hazel ones like his own, and he smiled reflexively, cocking an eyebrow. Dahlia Fleur-Peri was a petite girl, but she was half-French and held her liquor better than any of them. Effortlessly posh, she was wearing a casual linen dress that flattered her small frame and showed off a faint tan from spending the summer thus far in the south of France. James's favorite feature of Dahlia's was her hair: white blonde and naturally thick and curly in a tousled sort of way, she wore it cut just above her chin, the effect being a voluminous bob that gave an edginess to her dainty features. Dahlia gave him a coy smile and a wink before accepting her drink from Sirius and turning to talk with the girls.</p>
<p>They had been an item during sixth year, he and Dahlia, but she had called it off at the end of the school year before heading to summer in France. James hadn't even been disappointed, knowing their arrangement was bound to come to an end at some point—because <em>arrangement</em> was probably a more accurate word to describe them than <em>relationship</em>.</p>
<p>He had always found Dahlia attractive in a pixyish sort of way. On any other girl, her dainty figure may have looked frail, but Dahlia, with her elfish grin and her powerful singing voice, had a robustness about her. As two of the eight Gryffindors in their year, they had always been friendly, but that had taken a turn last year after the match against Ravenclaw. It had been a bittersweet day for James, winning gloriously before learning that Lily had ditched Ravenclaw's best Chaser only to go out with Edgar. He had gotten good and thoroughly drunk alongside Dahlia, who was also out of sorts from, as James would later learn, breaking up with the Ravenclaw Seeker, Bertrand Aubrey. At some point, realizing they were in desperate need of some food, they had stumbled down to the kitchens for a late-night nosh and found themselves in an empty classroom on their way back. McGonagall had busted them on her patrol, thankfully before their position had become <em>too</em> compromising, but from then on, he and Dahlia began sneaking off together, finding a new attraction in each other and both eager for the distraction.</p>
<p>But what had surprised James the most was what grew from those private moments with Dahlia and overflowed into their daily routine: a friendship just as deep as what he had with his mates. Dahlia<em> knew </em>him, knew his moods, knew his habits. She knew when to leave him to his friends and when to come find him, knew how to tease him and how to console him. James had found himself confiding in her, and she in him, and he knew that he could trust her completely, that she kept his confidence and, unlike other girls in the school he had been involved with before, she kept the details of what happened between them to herself. It was part of her allure. For all her easy laughter and general popularity with everyone, there was a mysteriousness about Dahlia that also shrouded their relationship to the endlessly prying eyes of the student body. They had put a label on it, a united front against the gossip, but the world "girlfriend" always felt a bit strange when he said it aloud. He felt effortless friendship with Dahlia, felt attraction, even desire, but he never felt <em>longing</em>. He had never had a <em>crush</em> on her, never felt nervous excitement when he saw her, never daydreamed about their future.</p>
<p>No, the only girl for whom he had ever felt like that was out of reach—permanently. Lily Evans hated him, her usual good-natured annoyance flaring to disgust after that day by the lake. James knew he had taken it too far, knew he should have refrained from yanking Snape through the air and humiliating him like he had, but he couldn't take it back now. Besides, Snape had grown even more slimy since then, hanging out with a group of Slytherins becoming increasingly obsessed with rotten so-called blood purity ideals in revolting worship of Lord Voldemort. No, James wasn't sorry, not truly; Snape deserved what he got.</p>
<p>He only wished Lily could see that too.</p>
<p>That, and maybe forgive him for being an annoying git when he was fifteen. And maybe notice he had grown up some. And maybe be as friendly to him as she was to everyone else.</p>
<p>And then maybe ditch Edgar and go out with him.</p>
<p>He watched Lily, standing in conversation with Marlene, Mary and Dahlia. At a word from Mary, she threw her head back in laughter, her hair catching the flickering light from the bonfire, making her look ablaze as her hair swished around her.</p>
<p>James started at Sirius' hand clapping his back.</p>
<p>"You stare at her any harder and I think your eyes <em>might</em> just fall out of your head."</p>
<p>James chuckled, lowering his eyes to open another Butterbeer crate.</p>
<p>"<em>Or </em>Bones will come over here and start acting all possessive."</p>
<p>James glanced over to where the Hufflepuffs had sat on one of the log benches in front of the fire, then looked back to the girls, noticing Lily had shifted to stand with her back to them.</p>
<p>Odd.</p>
<p>"Padfoot, something seem off to you there?" James asked quietly.</p>
<p>He saw Sirius' eyes narrow as he surveyed the crowd, but then Sirius shook his head.</p>
<p>"You're overthinking, Prongs."</p>
<p>Sirius handed him a shot of Firewhisky, and, thinking Sirius was probably right, James took it.</p>
<p>The party thrummed on into the night. James was sitting on a log next to Dahlia, palms behind him, legs spread out in front of him, Mary on his other side. Sneaking a glance over the fire, he saw Lily in animated conversation with Marlene and Dorcas, but noticed that the Hufflepuffs were grouped several paces away. Odd again. Edgar was usually the hovering, protective type. Maybe they had been together long enough now that he was getting over that. James forced his eyes off of Lily and turned back to Mary, who was looking at him expectantly.</p>
<p>"Hmm?"</p>
<p>Flicking her eyes in Lily's direction, she gave him a knowing look. James ignored her, clearing his throat as he asked, "What were you saying, Mac?" Mary also knew how to read James, especially when it came to Lily, but he couldn't keep himself distracted with her prying.</p>
<p>She swatted him, accepting the deflection. "I was <em>saying</em> that our dads are going to have a right 'ole time tomorrow without Euphie and Flora there to supervise them."</p>
<p>James smiled. The Potters, Macdonalds, and Macmillans had shared a box at the Quidditch World Cup since James and Mary were young; he remembered spying with her through the tent opening on their parents' raucous parties while they were meant to be were fast asleep. This year, having more than enough World Cups to look back on, his mother had eagerly given Sirius her ticket, shooing them out the door with the incantation for the tent and a magicked backpack stuffed with provisions and alcohol.</p>
<p>"Flora's not coming either?"</p>
<p>Mary shook her head. "She found out Euphie wasn't going, that's why Dahl's here, she gave Dahl her ticket. I'm pretty sure they're going for a day of shopping in London."</p>
<p>"Sounds like my kind of witches," Dahlia chimed.</p>
<p>"You should have seen Magnus today," Mary continued. "He kept bringing up old stories and talking about the match. I'm honestly surprised he didn't go pick up Flea and crash our party tonight."</p>
<p>James chuckled. Just then, something glowing in the air caught his eye.</p>
<p>"Is that—"</p>
<p>His question was answered as the glowing object, an enchanted Butterbeer bottle, came to a floating stop directly in front of Mary's face. "Black!" she bellowed. "I assume this is your doing."</p>
<p>Sirius grinned lazily from where he lounged against one of the log benches next to Ludo. "I may have started the game, but that's not my dare, love."</p>
<p>Mary surveilled the clumps of people around the fire before taking hold of the bottle, its glow changing to a bright red. James and Sirius had come up with the game last year, combining "spin the bottle" and "truth or dare" with a couple of different charms to invent a version whereby the person who "spun" the enchanted bottle got to assign a dare to the person whom the bottle chose, and once <em>that</em> person touched the bottle, they would not be able to release it, even as it grew hot in their hand, until the dare was complete. ("So it's Dare, Sirius," Mary had said dryly when he had explained it to her like he had just discovered Christmas morning. "It's just Dare but with a charm on it."). To her chagrin, the game had been an instant hit, spreading like wildfire through Hogwarts, to the point where it was not wholly uncommon to see a floating bottle or glass coming at you in the common room, the Great Hall, or even in class, if someone was sneaky enough, which James and his friends usually were.</p>
<p>Marlene's voice piped up from her perch by Lily. "Mac, I dare you to chug that bottle you just opened."</p>
<p>"Aw," cried Sirius, "too easy!"</p>
<p>Smiling, Mac got down on one knee and, holding the enchanted bottle up over her head, proceeded to down the full bottle of Butterbeer in her other hand. She threw the empty bottle into the fire, to the laughter and cheers of their friends, and then the enchanted bottle turned back to a soft, glowing yellow light as Mary released it with a flicking motion, making it spin in the air and sending it to float to its next victim.</p>
<p>On par with the rising noise level of the whole valley, the party's revelry increased as the game went on, with Dorcas impersonating a hippogriff, complete with an incredibly accurate squawk, followed by Ludo doing his best lip sync and choreographed dance moves to a wizarding boy band's hit song, and Lily bestowing a chaste yet lingering kiss on Marlene, leaving an incredulous Ludo clapping and eating his words after being convinced she wouldn't do it. James had seen Lily kiss other boys before, and the experience had never been pleasant, but he found that watching her kiss Marlene didn't stir his jealousy the same way; if anything, he felt almost aroused, wanting more than anything to know what it would be like to be Marlene just then.</p>
<p>Lily and Marlene were both overcome with a fit of giggles as they hugged afterward, and with a quick sweep of his eyes around the bonfire, James noticed that at some point, the Hufflepuffs had snuck away. It was fitting, really. A game of Dare wasn't really their cup of tea. Would Lily tell Edgar about her dare? Did Edgar like this playful side of her? Did Edgar ever even <em>see</em> this playful side of her?</p>
<p>Lily then dared Sirius to do cartwheels in a loop around the bonfire, an exercise that ended up looking like ridiculous, lopsided hopping considering his state of inebriation, and that sent him retching into the bushes, to everyone's howling laughter. James casually slung his arm over Dahlia's shoulders as he leaned down to murmur an inside joke in her ear, which turned into laughing at their private commentary over Sirius' cartwheel attempts. Having rinsed his mouth with Firewhisky, Sirius sauntered back into the circle and released the bewitched bottle spinning into the air. It floated toward James, coming to a hover in front of his face. His left arm still loosely draped around Dahlia, his fit of laughter over Sirius still lingering, he dropped the near-empty bottle he held in his right hand and grabbed the bewitched bottle, holding it out toward Sirius in a salute.</p>
<p>The wicked smile on Sirius' face immediately increased James' suspicion. Sirius waited a moment, playing up the suspense, before saying, "You know, Jamesie, I don't know if you know how to snog."</p>
<p>Everyone immediately sniggered; this was a lie, of course. James had snogged his fair few of girls in public, many the result of participating in plenty of bewitched games of spin the bottle over the years.</p>
<p>"I mean, <em>I've</em> never seen you snog anyone." Another lie. Sirius had just caught him in a very thorough snog by the rosebushes at one of their parties at the Potters' just a week before.</p>
<p>His friend was obviously playing with him, but to what end remained to be seen.</p>
<p>"So I dare you to snog Dahl right here, right now, and show us what you got."</p>
<p>Oh. To <em>that</em> end. James stiffened, an uncomfortable heat swirling in his stomach. The bastard. Despite labeling themselves as a couple last year, James and Dahlia had never actually been spotted kissing in public at school, and outside of casual gestures that looked more friendly than anything, they rarely showed any public affection. By unspoken word, they had kept their physical relationship entirely behind closed doors, which Sirius knew. Now, gathered around the bonfire, James really didn't care what Sirius saw, or even any of the others, for that matter—except for Lily. He forced himself not to look at her, tried to push thoughts of her from his mind. She was with Edgar; it didn't matter. But some nagging feeling in his stomach made him feel like it <em>did </em>matter, though he couldn't explain why he felt that.</p>
<p>"You sly, dirty dog," Dahlia said, shaking her head at Sirius as a smile played on her lips.</p>
<p>James felt the bewitched bottle start to burn in his hand, the charm locking him in to complete the dare. He looked down at Dahlia, feeling everyone's eyes on them, faintly hearing their cat-calls, and raised his brow in an unspoken question.</p>
<p>She smiled and whispered, "Give 'em a show, Jamesie." Still holding her own drink in her left hand, she snaked her right hand up to James' neck, pulling him down towards her. He leaned down to meet her halfway, but paused teasingly right before their lips met, hearing the crowd egging them on. He kissed her gently at first, her lips soft and hot with Firewhisky, and then he lifted his hand from where it dangled over her shoulder, burying his fingers in her hair and cradling her head against his palm as he deepened the kiss. Ever a performer, Dahlia let her drink slip deliberately out of her grasp and clatter to the ground as she turned her body toward him and brought both of her hands up to rake through James' hair, gripping his neck tightly as they increased their intensity. Then, just as suddenly, Dahlia stilled, her teeth pulling gently on James' lower lip, making his spine tingle.</p>
<p>Sirius let out a long, low whistle, breaking the moment, and James and Dahlia pulled apart, their classmates whooping in the background. Dahlia mimed a sweeping bow as she teased, "And there you have it, Sirius Black! Proof James Potter does indeed know how to snog!"</p>
<p>The bewitched bottle no longer burning, James released it, sending it to float to its next victim. Meeting Sirius' eye, he sent his friend a wink, to which Sirius just continued shaking his head in faux disbelief over James' performance of his dare.</p>
<p>James looked back into the bonfire, not wanting to look around the crowd—not wanting to see Lily. The nagging, swirling feeling in his stomach had materialized into coherent thought: he felt strangely <em>guilty</em>, like he was flaunting Dahlia in her face, when that couldn't be further from the truth, and when it didn't matter anyway.</p>
<p>He felt a hand on his knee and bent his head toward Dahlia. Her breath hot in his ear, she murmured, "Is now a good time to tell you I haven't got any knickers on?"</p>
<p>James' breath hitched, his spine gone rigid. He looked at her with wide eyes.</p>
<p>"You wouldn't."</p>
<p>She only gave him a penetrating look, the firelight dancing across her face, her lips still slightly swollen from their kiss.</p>
<p>James swore under his breath, the distraction working, desire starting to pulse steadily inside him. "You bloody <em>minx</em>."</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>James blinked his eyes open slowly, the blurry room in front of him unfamiliar. A dull ache was emanating from the back of his head, his whole body feeling sore as he shifted onto his back. The ceiling above him was an enchanted morning sky with three Quidditch hoops in the distance; a special touch by his father when he got this tent years ago specially for the Quidditch World Cup.</p>
<p>The tent. Memories of the night before came back to him in flashes. The bonfire, the party, the dare…the forest.</p>
<p>James took a deep breath, going over the night more thoroughly in his mind. Sitting with Dahlia by the fire, her whisper hot in his ear. Later, when the fire was burning low and the crowd was slowly starting to dwindle, sneaking one-by-one into the Potters' tent and out the back, bringing only a blanket and bottle of Firewhisky into the woods behind the campsite. The pitch darkness of the forest, the moon's light blocked by the thickness of the trees. Dahlia in his lap, good as her word, the blanket draped over her shoulders, falling like a cape around them as they stroked each other slowly, deliberately, getting reacquainted with one another before Dahlia straddled him, his whole body pulsing as she swiveled against him, her hands buried in his hair while he traced circles on her hips with his thumbs. They had kissed hard as they finished, stifling themselves from crying out, and James could still feel her fingers digging into his scalp, his own hands gripping her hips so intensely he thought her bones might snap in his grasp. After, they had sat side-by-side against the tree trunk, talking and passing the bottle of Firewhisky, for what felt like hours before stumbling back to the tent.</p>
<p>James ran a hand over his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Then that must mean…turning to look over his shoulder, he saw her, curled on her side, her thick blond hair askew.</p>
<p>Feeling his eyes on her, she opened hers blearily. "Morning already?"</p>
<p>James chuckled and propped himself on an elbow. "'Fraid so."</p>
<p>Dahlia sighed and stretched, reaching her arms above her head and holding her elbows. James took in her smudged eyes, her swollen lips, the stretch of her pale skin over delicate collarbones, the curve of her small chest, just barely covered by the blanket. She was a beautiful sight—there was no denying it—and he was already aroused from remembering the night before. He didn't even think, just gave in, scooping her in his arms and rolling on top of her, her shoulder blades sharp against his hands, her skin deliciously warm. Her response was automatic, wrapping her legs around his waist, pressing hot kisses to his throat, pulling him into her. Unlike the night before, he didn't waste any time. He needed more of her, more release, more <em>escape</em>, and he moved against her impatiently, hungrily, as he nibbled on her ear and let his teeth scrape against her jaw.</p>
<p>"<em>Fuck</em>, James!" Dahlia's nails clawed at his back, her own movements equally impatient against his hips. They knew each other too well by this point, knew exactly what they each needed, and while they would sometimes ignore it for the sake of prolonging the fun, this wasn't one of those times; he gave it to her, locking into the angle she liked, murmuring dirty nothings in her ear. It didn't take long until he felt her contract around him, heard her cry out his name as she arched and clutched him, and then she was giving it back to him, meeting his rhythm as he sped up his pace, pounding into her now, desperate for his own end, and with a final trace of her finger down his spine, he met it, blood thundering in his ears as he went over the edge and collapsed against her.</p>
<p>"OI!" A loud knock echoed against the door. James groaned, burying his face in Dahlia's pillow, as Sirius banged on the door once more for good measure and shouted, "Adult arrival is scheduled for…ehh, <em>right about now</em>, so if you're done making a <em>bloody racket</em>, put some damn clothes on and get out here."</p>
<p>Dahlia giggled underneath him. "We <em>totally</em> forgot to silence the door last night."</p>
<p>James spoke into the pillow, his voice muffled. "Serves him right for giving me that dare."</p>
<p>She chuckled softly, stroking his hair. "We probably <em>should</em> get up, James."</p>
<p>He sighed, knowing she was right, and pulled out of her, rolling onto his back and rubbing his eyes. She propped herself up on an elbow, looking down at him.</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>The decision had appeared, solidified in his mind, like it had quietly been setting down roots in his consciousness without his realizing it. She was looking at him appraisingly, and they had done enough together by that point that James knew he could be open with her.</p>
<p>"You know I like this—with you. But I—I don't know if I want to, you know. Get back together. Officially."</p>
<p>She didn't appear phased. "Do you want to keep doing <em>this</em>? Casually?"</p>
<p>James hesitated. Part of him obviously did, but the other part, the part that had gotten used to not being tied to her, told him that was probably a bad idea.</p>
<p>"Maybe. Can we just…see how it goes? At school?"</p>
<p>She smiled, then raised a hand to ruffle his hair.</p>
<p>"Of course."</p>
<p>He smiled back. "Still friends?"</p>
<p>She swatted him, then slid out of the bed and headed for the ensuite. "Don't even insult me by asking that, Jamesie. You know you're one of my best friends now, there's no undoing that."</p>
<p>James grinned, leaning back against the pillows with his hands folded behind his head. "Glad to hear it, Dahl, because you're one of my best friends, too."</p>
<p>She flashed him her elfish grin, then said, "I'm also your only best friend you can turn to if you just need a good shag," and disappeared behind the ensuite door.</p>
<p>Really, she made a great point.</p>
<p>Hearing Dahlia turn on the shower, James forced himself out of bed and threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before leaving his room, making his way down the hall and toward the joint kitchen and living space of the interior of the tent. As he stepped through the doorway, he saw Mary and Sirius cut off their conversation, both turning to look at him from where they sat on opposite ends of the giant L-shaped sofa. Sirius was closer to him, arm casually slung over the back of the cushions, looking over his shoulder at James with a sly grin on his face. Mary wasn't looking quite as awake, her eyes bleary and her long hair, pin straight the night before, now rumpled from sleep. She glared at him as she blew at the steaming mug in her hands.</p>
<p>"Mac, why are you looking at me like that?"</p>
<p>She grabbed a pillow next to her and chucked it at him. "Because my <em>bloody</em> alarm clock this morning was the sounds of you <em>shagging</em>." She added under her breath, "As if I <em>ever</em> needed to know you made <em>noises</em> like that."</p>
<p>He grinned sheepishly, tossing the pillow back toward her, and then his eyes fell on the grandfather clock against the wall behind her. That <em>bastard</em>.</p>
<p>Hands set on his hips, he looked pointedly at Sirius, who was still grinning like a lunatic.</p>
<p>"Adult arrival is <em>right about now</em>, eh? Try more like <em>in about three hours</em>."</p>
<p>Sirius laughed, throwing another pillow hard at James' stomach. "Well I wasn't about to listen to that <em>racket</em> all morning."</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes and smothered Sirius good-naturedly with the pillow before walking back toward the kitchen area and pulling pans out to make breakfast.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Fleamont and Magnus arrived an hour ahead of schedule, too excited to wait until after lunch. James, Sirius, Mary, and Dahlia were all gathered around the kitchen island when the two men barged through the front door, sweaty from the trek from the check-in stations ("Blast their protective enchantments, making old geezers like us actually <em>walk!</em>") but alight with excitement ("Just like the weather in Cairo twenty years ago, innit?").</p>
<p>James grinned and pulled two more Butterbeers out of the charmed ice bucket, cracking them open by hand and leaving them on the counter. There were hugs all around, and then Fleamont conjured some more barstools, sitting at the counter by James. They were nearly even heights now, though Fleamont was slightly taller. James was a spitting image of his father, though he thought his personality was pretty evenly balanced between both his parents. Fleamont had once had the same untidy black hair as James, but it was now handsomely flecked with gray, matching the salt-and-pepper stubble he wore on his face, a perpetual five o'clock shadow that lent him a casual air. He and James also had the same high cheekbones, easy smile, and faint dimples, though Fleamont's eyes were a dark liquid brown where James's were his mother's hazel, and Fleamont's horn-rimmed glasses were tortoise shell, whereas James's were solid black.</p>
<p>Magnus, on the other hand, looked nothing like his daughter, though they shared the same tall, willowy frame. But whereas Mary had hawklike features and shiny onyx hair, Magnus was freckled and ginger, his hair starting to thin near his crown. Magnus also had a boyish ruddiness to him that Mary plainly had not inherited but that somehow translated to her often bawdy sense of humor.</p>
<p>"How was the party last night? Flea and I thought about crashing."</p>
<p>Mary smiled at James. "Told you."</p>
<p>"Party was great," Sirius chimed. "Lot of people here this year."</p>
<p>Fleamont looked between James and Sirius. "Tent still comfortable? Need any upgrades?"</p>
<p>Sirius clinked his bottle with Fleamont's. "James needs soundproof walls, Flea."</p>
<p>James laughed with everyone and didn't miss the wink Fleamont shot him, nor how Fleamont then tipped his bottle toward Dahlia, who tipped hers back, though her cheeks were a bit pink.</p>
<p>Last year, when Dahlia had been at his house for a few days leading up to the Potters' annual Christmas Eve party, his parents had each walked in on them on separate occasions. His dad had seen them first, finding them tangled on a chaise in the library when he had come up to the house from his potions cottage to grab a book. James had never been more grateful that they hadn't taken the time to undress, just unzipping James' fly and pushing up Dahlia's sweater dress. He had been alerted to Fleamont's presence by the sudden screech of the library door swinging open, followed by a "Ho!" He and Dahlia had both froze, and Fleamont had <em>laughed</em>, holding his hand up to his face and making for a far bookshelf while he said, "Okay, pause, freeze, I'm not looking, and I would say I'd come back but I really just need this one book for something that's brewing right now, and then I'm outta here." On his way out the door moments later, he had added over his shoulder, "I was never here, except if you ruin your mother's chaise, then I'm throwing you to the wolves." James had chuckled, heard the click of the door locking, and he and Dahlia had resumed their tryst.</p>
<p>James's parents had always been relaxed about most things, and they put it down to being older when they had him. His mother would say that she had seen enough of the drama of the world to think that they should all just be enjoying the fun even more, and his father would say that someday, he would tell James about everything he had gotten up to at Hogwarts, but he didn't feel he could be called a parent if he indulged such irresponsible information before graduation—though he <em>had</em> entrusted their family's invisibility cloak to James when he was only eleven. No, the only thing his parents were strict about were grades. They tut-tutted at the detentions, rolled their eyes at the girls, gave two hoots about partying—but only if the grades were top-notch. Which, being a smart kid in more ways than one, James generally made sure they were.</p>
<p>Over the past year, he had become especially grateful his parents were so easy going about girls—and about James having sex with said girls—and even though it was gross to think about (them being his parents), he thought it was in large part to their still being so in love. They had been together since Hogwarts and had never wavered in their romance; when he walked the quiet halls of the house at night, James still heard the piano playing distantly from where its room was connected to their quarters, and they generally lived in such open affection that James knew it had molded what he thought an end-game relationship should be.</p>
<p>They all passed the afternoon chatting and playing drinking games, pausing long enough to grill up some late lunch over the fire outside, and then as soon as the sun started to set, they joined the throng of people walking to the pitch.</p>
<p>Fleamont walked in step with James, and they fell a little ways behind Sirius and Dahlia, who were walking alongside Mary and Magnus.</p>
<p>"You and Dahlia back on?" Fleamont asked quietly.</p>
<p>"Nah, we're not—just got caught up in the party last night, I guess."</p>
<p>"You okay with that?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. We're good friends."</p>
<p>"Good friends who need soundproof walls?" Fleamont gave him an all-too knowing look.</p>
<p>James shrugged, trying to think of how to describe it without flat-out saying that he and Dahlia had somehow managed to have great sex without romantic attachment. "Would it make sense if I said our relationship was basically just monogamous friends with benefits?"</p>
<p>Fleamont threw his head back in laughter, causing some of the others to look back curiously.</p>
<p>"Yes, James," he chuckled, clapping James on the shoulder. "Ah, that's good. And it does make sense when you put it like that. But maybe don't repeat that to your mother."</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>They were just settling into the box, James setting up a row of shot glasses at the stocked bar in the back, when the unthinkable happened: Marlene McKinnon burst through the door ("SURPRISE!") followed by Lily Evans.</p>
<p>Mary was shrieking, running to hug her friends. "<em>WHAT</em>? HOW? This is amazing!"</p>
<p>James met Sirius's stunned face across the bar counter, then turned back to look at the girls. Marlene was waving her ticket at Mary and rattling, "Macmillans gave my parents their tickets, but my parents gave them to me and Lil because she's never been, and we didn't even <em>know </em>they were the Macmillans' tickets until today when we were actually looking at them to see where our seats were, and we put it all together, so then I knew we'd be surprising you, and I'm <em>just so excited!</em>"</p>
<p>Magnus wandered over to Mary ("Hiya, lassies!"), clearly having met Marlene and Lily before, and Fleamont sidled up by Sirius at the bar counter.</p>
<p>"Who's that with Marly?"</p>
<p>Sirius' grin was far too wide for James' liking. His friend leaned back over his shoulder and told Fleamont, "The girl our Jamesie's been in love with since we were thirteen."</p>
<p>"Wanna say that a little louder, Pads?"</p>
<p>Sirius just waggled his eyebrows at him.</p>
<p>"Oho," Fleamont chuckled. "Lily, was it? Lily…Evans?"</p>
<p>"The one and only, Flea." Sirius winked at James, adding, "She's looking <em>fit</em>, mate."</p>
<p>"Very pretty," Fleamont concurred.</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes and went back to pouring Firewhisky into the shot glasses, adding two more to the row. Lily <em>was</em> looking fit, and exceptionally pretty. She was wearing high waisted denim shorts that were more of a cornflower blue color, and though he had seen her in that playsuit the night before, it hadn't prepared him for another continued assault of seeing her legs—milky pale, toned—and since the playsuit had been loose in the back, it definitely hadn't prepared him for the way those shorts fit perfectly over her bum—round, perky—and gaped slightly at her waist, making him think instantly of sliding a hand into those crevices. On top, she had on a summery white blouse, and James didn't feel prepared for what met him there either: a wide stretch of exposed collarbone, the mere hint of curves he now fully appreciated were there, a cinch at her waist telling him exactly where he could circle his hands and pull her against him. Unlike the night before, her hair was tied back in an intricate plait, no doubt an invention of Marlene, something loosely knotted around the back and then twisted into a thick braid that hung over her shoulder, and even <em>that</em> was a sight he was unprepared for, because though she had often worn her hair in plaits at school, this was some sexy new creation that highlighted the way her blouse scooped low in the back, showing just the tops of shoulder blades.</p>
<p>It was only because it was summer. That was why he was noticing these things. Because they were rational things to notice when a girl wore substantially less clothing on a hot summer's eve than she did in a chilled castle in Northern Scotland for the rest of the year. Not that he hadn't seen Lily in shorts before—he had, on those rare June days at the end of terms when the sun warmed the grounds and everyone lazed about, dipping legs and feet into the lake, and he had fully admired them. But something about them—about <em>her</em>—wasn't the same. She was<em> more</em> somehow. More grown into her body. More at ease. More of a…<em>woman</em>.</p>
<p>Okay, he was cutting himself off. That was far too much like something Euphemia would say.</p>
<p>Magnus was leading the girls toward the bar, and Marlene broke from their group to scamper up to James, giving him a side-hug as she said, both to him and Fleamont, "Thanks for letting us crash your box, boys."</p>
<p>James gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Anytime, Marly."</p>
<p>Fleamont asked, "How're your parents?"</p>
<p>Marlene pulled away from James and leaned on the counter, telling Fleamont, "They're really well, they were just saying recently they hadn't seen you and Euphie in a while."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'll send 'em an owl tomorrow, we should all have dinner once you kids are back at Hogwarts."</p>
<p>"Hey Flea," Mary said, coming up behind him. "This is our friend Lily Evans, I don't think you guys have ever met her. Lil, this is Fleamont, James's dad."</p>
<p>James stopped pouring shots, stomach clenching in a knot, and watched his dad turn around, smiling, to shake Lily's hand.</p>
<p>"Pleasure to meet you, Lily. I've heard a lot about you." He must have picked up on the awkward momentary silence around them because he quickly added, "Er, from Mary."</p>
<p>Lily took it in stride, smiling back at him. "Pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Potter."</p>
<p>"Please, it's Flea. And I'd offer you a drink in my own box, but I guess my son's already got that taken care of."</p>
<p>Lily looked up at him, meeting his eye, and quirked her brow. James smiled, pushing a few poured shots forwards. "You sit with us, you drink with us, Evans."</p>
<p>She chuckled—<em>chuckled</em>—and said, "Okay, Potter."</p>
<p>James initially put her agreeableness down to her being in the presence of not just their friends but also two parents, yet he couldn't help but notice that she again seemed more laid back than he'd ever seen her. She took her Firewhisky shot with the group after Fleamont and Magnus had done their traditional pre-match toast; she instructed James through making a cocktail for her of Firewhisky, ginger ale, and cold apple cider, which he had never before thought to combine and which piqued Fleamont's interest, leading to a conversation about how Potions was one of Lily's best subjects; and she humored Magnus in talking about football at length ("Da's just as obsessed with Muggle sports as he is bloody Quidditch," Mary grumbled).</p>
<p>When it was nearly time for the match to start, Fleamont directed her to sit in James's usual seat in the front row of the box ("You're usurping James, he's been coming to these since he was five"), and then, to James's mingled amusement and horror, his dad <em>sat next to her</em>. James dropped into the seat behind them, Sirius at his side, where he could hear all of their conversation. Fleamont commentated the pre-match mascot performances and told her relevant pieces of background of the teams, at which point James leaned forward and interjected his own fun facts.</p>
<p>"D'you know," she said over her shoulder, "you're a bloody liar, Potter."</p>
<p>James was confused. "Er, what?"</p>
<p>Fleamont gave Lily a sideways look, brow arched in curiosity.</p>
<p>"You told the whole school you failed History of Magic—"</p>
<p>"I <em>did</em> fail History of Magic—"</p>
<p>(Thankfully, as he had gotten five other O.W.L.s and his parents also had found Binns an utter bore, they hadn't cared as much as he'd expected.)</p>
<p>"—because you said history was boring and useless, yet you just now rattled off three—<em>three!</em>—obscure historical things about bloody <em>Quidditch</em>."</p>
<p>"Well, I—"</p>
<p>"You're a shit liar, Potter—"</p>
<p>"I am <em>not</em>—"</p>
<p>"Just <em>completely</em> gave yourself away for what you really are—"</p>
<p>"And what's that, Evans?"</p>
<p>"A closet encyclopedia—"</p>
<p>"<em>Only</em> for Quidditch—"</p>
<p>"Sure, Potter."</p>
<p>Fleamont interjected, "Ask him how many times he's read <em>Quidditch Through the Ages</em>."</p>
<p>Lily turned to look at him, her green eyes piercing. "How many times have you read <em>Quidditch Through the Ages</em>?"</p>
<p>James chewed his cheek, staring her down, unsure when his father's loyalty had flipped to a girl he just met over his only child. "Don't know."</p>
<p>"How convenient."</p>
<p>"I have it all memorized."</p>
<p>Fleamont leaned toward Lily and said in a faux whisper, "He collects special edition copies."</p>
<p>Lily's eyebrows went high on her forehead. "So he<em> does</em> know how to read."</p>
<p>"I'm taking that as a compliment, Evans."</p>
<p>She turned back to face front, muttering something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like, "<em>Bloody insufferable prat</em>."</p>
<p>Fleamont was smiling, eyes on the pitch.</p>
<p>As the match went on, they proved to be a lively bunch, no doubt helped along by James, Sirius, and Magnus taking turns to keep everyone's drinks refilled. Fleamont passed Lily his Omnioculars, fiddling with the dial and telling her, "Rewatch this move Brazil just did—it's called a Finbourgh Flick, <em>bloody</em> difficult."</p>
<p>"Did he just—but <em>how</em>—?"</p>
<p>Fleamont turned over his shoulder, saying as if he had just remembered, "Didn't you finally get it, James? You've been practicing out back."</p>
<p>Lily turned over her shoulder, face incredulous. "Potter, you can <em>do</em> that?"</p>
<p>James grinned, shaking his head. "Not consistent enough to try in a match, but I've gotten it a couple times in practice, yeah."</p>
<p>Lily turned back to face front, and Fleamont threw a wink back at James and Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius bent to James' ear, throwing a hand up in front of his face. "Mate, Flea is fucking <em>wing-manning</em> you right now."</p>
<p>James smirked and focused back on the match.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Scotland came from behind to win gloriously, catching the Snitch moments before Brazil's released shot sailed through one of Scotland's goalposts, making the final score 430-420 before Brazil could have otherwise had a 150-point lead.</p>
<p>"Come on, lads and lassies!" Magnus was beckoning with his arms, waving them on. "We have celebrating to do!"</p>
<p>Very decently tipsy, James set off with their group to join the massive crush of cheering, drunken fans leaving the stadium, setting off toward their campground. They traced the familiar path through the forest with the throng of spectators, Scotland chants and snatches of songs consuming the air. James suddenly felt an arm hook around his neck and swung his head around to see his dad.</p>
<p>"So," Fleamont said quietly in his ear. "Lily."</p>
<p>Through the haze of being tipsy, James sensed his stomach tighten into a knot. "What about her?"</p>
<p>"You don't call each other by first names?"</p>
<p>James shook his head. "Never have."</p>
<p>"Not once?"</p>
<p>"Nope."</p>
<p>"Say her name."</p>
<p>"Evans."</p>
<p>Fleamont jostled his shoulder. "Talk to her tonight."</p>
<p>"<em>What?</em>"</p>
<p>"Talk to her tonight," he repeated.</p>
<p>"Are you trying to give me girl advice?"</p>
<p>"Not trying," Fleamont chuckled, "I <em>am</em> giving you girl advice. You've always liked her. She's a delight. I won't even try to understand why you spent so much time being <em>monogamous friends with benefits</em> with Dahlia—who is also a delight, don't get me wrong—but you clearly like Lily more than you'll admit."</p>
<p>"One, because Evans hates me, Dad. We were civil tonight, but we don't get along. At school we just row."</p>
<p>Fleamont's jaw set for a moment, and then he said. "When was the last time you tried?"</p>
<p>"Tried <em>what?</em>"</p>
<p>"Just <em>talking </em>to her. Like a normal person, and not some puffed-up angsty ox?"</p>
<p>James bit his tongue. His dad just didn't get. No one got it, except probably Lily.</p>
<p>Fleamont broke the silence. "Was there a second thing?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, she's with another bloke."</p>
<p>"Who?"</p>
<p>"Eddie Bones."</p>
<p>"Hmm."</p>
<p>"<em>What?</em>"</p>
<p>"Oh, it's probably nothing. I'm sure you're right."</p>
<p>James scoffed. "Come off it, you have something to say or not?"</p>
<p>Fleamont ruffled James's hair. "It's just that her and Marly are staying in the Meadowes' tent."</p>
<p>"So? They're good friends with Dorcas."</p>
<p>"I know. But they're on trundle beds. The Boneses tent is in the same campsite and has empty guest rooms."</p>
<p>Huh.</p>
<p>"How d'you—?"</p>
<p>Fleamont removed his arm with a shrug. "Seen a lot of people today. Had a nice chat with Lily. Pieced some information together."</p>
<p>"You know, Dad, you really are just as much of a gossip as Mum."</p>
<p>Fleamont winked at him.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>It was the comment about the Boneses' empty guest rooms that pushed him to take his dad's advice. Their little group was milling about the bonfire, his dad and Magnus deep down memory lane with Mary and Sirius, who were laughing raucously, and Dahlia and Marlene were engrossed in their own conversation about some girly nonsense. Lily sat on the ground near Mary, at the edge of their little group, and James took his chance. He got up to grab a couple of Butterbeers, and when he came back, he sat next to her and handed her one.</p>
<p>She looked over at him with surprise. "Thanks, Potter."</p>
<p>"Don't mention it."</p>
<p>She gave him a rare smile. James thought he might be hallucinating.</p>
<p>"You're dad's lovely. Really, he's been beyond kind."</p>
<p>James gazed into the fire. "Yeah, he and Mum are both like that. Love hosting, making friends with everyone."</p>
<p>"You look just like him."</p>
<p>James chuckled. "I know. Have my mum's eyes, though."</p>
<p>They were silent a moment, and James stole a glance at her. She was gazing into the fire, but she seemed tenser somehow, slightly more rigid than she had earlier, and James didn't doubt it was from being one-on-one with him.</p>
<p>"How was it? Your first World Cup?"</p>
<p>She shrugged, the same polite smile on her face. "It's been really fun. I see what the hype's about, I guess."</p>
<p>James leaned forward, resting elbows on his knees, his drink dangling in front of him.</p>
<p>"You ever flown?"</p>
<p>She looked at him sharply for a moment, her eyes narrowing, and then her mouth started tugging up at the corners in a disbelieving smile.</p>
<p>"Wait, wait, wait. Potter, did you just try to start <em>normal conversation</em>?"</p>
<p>He smirked softly, turning back to the fire as he lifted his Butterbeer to his lips. "Yeah, Evans. Guess I did."</p>
<p>"Huh. Who knew you could be civil."</p>
<p>"Who knew you could be fun."</p>
<p>James looked sideways at her and caught her glaring.</p>
<p>"I resent that, Potter. I'm plenty fun."</p>
<p>He shrugged. "Wouldn't know, we're not friends."</p>
<p>Lily gave him a strange look, like she was studying him. "I'm sorry if tonight was weird, I didn't know that's where Marly's tickets were—"</p>
<p>James cut her off. "You don't need to apologize—"</p>
<p>"I wouldn't have come if I'd known I was signing up to crash your family's box—"</p>
<p>"—it was fun."</p>
<p>Lily bit her lip. James really wished she wouldn't, because something about that was unbearably erotic. More for something to do, he ran a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>After a moment, Lily cleared her throat, then turned back to the fire as she said, "To answer your question, just at the flying lessons first year, and it was <em>horrible</em>."</p>
<p>James busted up into a laugh, unable to help himself. She threw him a side-eye.</p>
<p>"Evans, you were barely six feet off the ground."</p>
<p>"Yeah, and that's all the higher I needed to go to realize how bloody <em>uncomfortable</em> it is."</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes. "You get used to that. Did you even get up to speed?"</p>
<p>"Absolutely not."</p>
<p>"Are you scared of heights?"</p>
<p>"No," she retorted. "Just prefer to keep my feet on the ground, thanks."</p>
<p>"Eh, the ground's overrated—"</p>
<p>"Says the one who crashes into it all the time."</p>
<p>James chuckled, remembering the time in fifth year that he got knocked off his broom in the match against Slytherin and woke up concussed in the Hospital Wing. He had taken many hits and falls throughout his years playing Quidditch, but that fall was one of his worst.</p>
<p>"Well, okay, maybe me and the ground just have a love-hate relationship."</p>
<p>Somehow their banter turned into conversation, interspersed by more rounds of Firewhisky shots with everyone to toasts of "Scotland!" and "Our seventh year!" and other random things James couldn't remember, and soon James was finding that all the alcohol was catching up to him, and he was becoming good and thoroughly drunk. And so was Lily.</p>
<p>They were drunk enough that they had started laughing hysterically at things that James couldn't later remember but suspected weren't all that funny. They were drunk enough that Lily swatted his chest repeatedly and James somehow ended up with his arm draped casually behind her across the log they were both leaning against. And they were drunk enough that they didn't notice the rest of their group slowly drifting away from them, giving them shocked space at seeing them actually <em>getting along</em>, though Sirius and Mary would each tell him about that later.</p>
<p>They would also tell him later that when they finally stood up, swaying on their feet, James had caught Lily around the waist, steadying her, and that they had briefly held hands, fingers intertwined, standing close enough to kiss, looking for a split second like they actually <em>were</em> going to kiss, though they hadn't, as Lily had suddenly blanched and set off stumbling determinedly toward the other side of the tent.</p>
<p>That was where James had flashes of memories, sobering up slightly as he followed Lily, and he did remember catching her around the waist that time, pulling her braid over her back and holding her steady as she retched into the grass. He raised his hands to her back, drawing long, slow circles with his fingertips as he murmured, "You're okay, Evans. You're okay. Good news, you shouldn't be as hungover tomorrow."</p>
<p>She laughed weakly between heaves, making her sway on her feet again, and James dropped his hand back to her hip, holding her steady in front of him as she bent over, hands on her knees, all too aware of what that position would resemble if Lily wasn't giving up the contents of her stomach.</p>
<p>Wiping her mouth, she eventually stood up and started trying to turn around, swaying when she moved too fast.</p>
<p>"Hey, hey, slow down."</p>
<p>James looped an arm around her waist, vanished the sick in the grass, then cast a silent <em>Scourgify</em> at Lily's mouth, making her cough and splutter, but being altogether necessary. Her eyes were less glassy then, and she looked up at him strangely.</p>
<p>"Potter?"</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>She shook her head confusedly. "But—you're being—<em>nice</em>."</p>
<p>James laughed. "Yeah, Evans. I can do that, you know."</p>
<p>She shook her head again. "But—you're <em>Potter</em>."</p>
<p>"Come on, you need sleep."</p>
<p>He walked her back toward their group of friends, ignoring their appraising smirks, and Dahlia quickly volunteered to help Marlene walk Lily back to the Meadowes' tent, giving James a very elfish and knowing smile as she did so.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Expel Me Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>He woke the next morning to find Mary sandwiched between him and Sirius, all of them on top of the covers of his bed like they had just collapsed there and immediately passed out. It was a groggy and painful waking up process, but as soon as they were all able to decently function, he Apparated back to Stinchcombe Park with Sirius and Fleamont, eager for a proper, greasy meal.</p><p>Euphemia greeted them at the front door, looking mighty amused at the sight of them straggling up the drive. Ever since the war had started in earnest, his parents had extended complex protective enchantments over the estate, meaning that no one could Apparate inside the grounds, just like at Hogwarts. He suspected they probably <em>were</em> all the same enchantments as Hogwarts, given that his mother was Chairwoman of the Board of Governors and had been close with Dumbledore for years.</p><p>James reached the front door first, and Euphemia, nearly his height, gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. Though James's face was a spitting image of Fleamont, he shared his mother's slender build, hazel eyes, and marble-pale skin. She was wearing her usual around-the-home outfit of slim pants and long cashmere jumper, her hair—which would have naturally been a light brown, but which she had worn as golden blonde his entire life—swept back into an elegant knot at the nape of her neck.</p><p>"Looking a little worse for wear, Jamesie."</p><p>He grunted and swept past her into the entrance hall, dropping the backpack he carried as a couple of their estate's house-elves scurried over.</p><p>"So're you, Siri."</p><p>"Eh, World Cup does that to a bloke."</p><p>James met Sirius' eye and shared a smirk over Euphemia's shoulder.</p><p>"Yes, well, I'm just glad you're all back safely." Euphemia rested a hand on Fleamont's shoulder and greeted him with a kiss. "Good morning, darling."</p><p>James and Sirius took that as their cue to exit for the dining room, where, thank Merlin, the house-elves had outdone themselves with a full English breakfast.</p><p>No sooner had he sat down and reached for the orange juice than Sirius was chuckling, shaking his head with a stupidly smug grin as he said, "Mate, you're so fucking into Evans."</p><p>James threw him a dark look before busying himself with pouring juice.</p><p>"Don't even try to deny it, it was all over your face the whole time. Like, the <em>entire fucking match</em>. Prongs, all summer, you've been shagging birds 'round here, and I haven't seen that look on your face <em>once</em>."</p><p>Sirius leaned back in his chair, tilting onto the back legs. "I mean, I get it, she was looking fit as fuck, but <em>shit</em>, Prongs. What does she <em>do</em> to you?"</p><p>Make his heart race? Wipe his mind blank? Rouse fluttery feelings in his stomach? Get him instantly hard just from the sight of her?</p><p>James buttered toast without answering.</p><p>Sirius was still chuckling when Fleamont and Euphemia came in, Euphemia rifling through a stack of letters in her hand.</p><p>Fleamont sat by Sirius, across from James, and asked, "What'd I miss?"</p><p>Sirius grinned, setting the legs of his chair back down before Euphemia could scold him, and leaned forward on his elbows to wink at James as he said, "Just catching up on how Jamesie's still crushing on the same girl."</p><p>Euphemia's head snapped up at that, looking sharply at Sirius. "Lily was there?"</p><p>"Ye-ep. Showed up with Marly McKinnon. Jamesie froze up like he was thirteen—"</p><p>"—fuck off—"</p><p>"<em>Language</em>," Euphemia scolded.</p><p>"—and stared <em>longingly</em> across the fire—"</p><p>"—are you done?"</p><p>Sirius laughed, leaning back with his arms crossed over his chest. "Not in the slightest." Then, to Euphemia, Sirius added, "She was <em>in</em> <em>our box</em>, Euphie."</p><p>"<em>What</em>?"</p><p>Fleamont jumped in. "Yeah, I guess the Macmillans are in Greece this summer, so they gave their tickets to the McKinnons."</p><p>"So Marlene and Lily were there with the group of you?"</p><p>Sirius was still grinning. "Ye-ep."</p><p>Euphemia rounded on Fleamont. "You met her?"</p><p>Fleamont nodded, smiling. "She's delightful. James left out she's a Potions wiz, might have to try to get myself invited to more of old Sluggy's parties now just so I can talk to her again."</p><p>Euphemia rolled her eyes. "You too, hmm?"</p><p>Sirius chortled into his bite of eggs. "She's got both Potter boys wrapped around her finger, Euphie, what's that tell you?"</p><p>Euphemia's eyes twinkled as she gave James a knowing look, eyebrows arched over her glasses. "And you and Lily got along?"</p><p>James cleared his throat. "Er—yeah. It was…fine."</p><p>She turned to Sirius for confirmation. "Siri?"</p><p>He grinned wickedly. "Can confirm they were civil, but she was also looking mega hot—"</p><p>"Sirius—"</p><p>"—think Jamesie was a little distracted, she's got a lot to look at—"</p><p>"<em>Sirius</em>."</p><p>His friend relented, grinning at him as he leaned back in his chair, and James glanced over at his mother, who pulled her glasses from her face and gave a wide shrug.</p><p>"Well, <em>I</em> wouldn't know what there is to look at, because she's the only one of your year's Housemates I've <em>never met</em>—"</p><p>Sirius' face lit up. "Let's invite her 'round!"</p><p>"Will you <em>shut up</em>?"</p><p>"Euphie, you really should see this girl that your son has been obsessed with since he was thirteen—"</p><p>James leaned back in his chair, mimicking Sirius with his arms crossed; once Sirius and Euphemia teamed up it was nearly impossible to stop them.</p><p>"You've seen her now, Flea—"</p><p>Fleamont tipped his glass toward Euphemia. "She's quite the girl."</p><p>Euphemia sounded amused. "Well <em>do</em> describe her for me, so I can get the full effect."</p><p>Sirius started, saying, "Long red hair, but dark red, mind, not ginger—more like a red wine color—"</p><p>Euphemia's eyes sparkled at James, but her words were for the other two. "Tall?"</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "Nah, only comes up to his chest or so—'bout the same as Marly."</p><p>"Pretty?"</p><p>Fleamont chimed in. "Yes—very striking."</p><p>"Style?"</p><p>Sirius answered that one. "Eh, not as sporty as Mac, not as girly as Marly, and not as fashionista as Dahl…How would <em>you</em> describe it, Prongsie?"</p><p>They all looked at him expectantly. James shrugged. "It's very…I dunno. Understated."</p><p>Sirius quirked a brow at him, and Euphemia's mouth twitched in a smile.</p><p>"Anything else I should know?"</p><p>Fleamont added, "She's excellent at taking the piss out of him," and the Sirius flashed James a wicked grin as he said, "You could say she's the…<em>voluptuous</em> one of the girls' dorm."</p><p>James normally never blushed, but he felt the heat rising in his cheeks just then as he ducked his face down into his hand, pinching his nose under his glasses.</p><p>Euphemia sounded, if it was possible, even more amused. "I <em>see</em>."</p><p>"Has Jamesie boy here in a right state—"</p><p>"She's <em>gorgeous</em>, okay?" His tone was more clipped than he'd meant, but he was feeling a strange mixture of frustration and arousal at talking about Lily like this, and the conversation needed to be over. "She's bloody gorgeous, and I fancy her, and as far as I know, she's with someone else. Happy?"</p><p>Sirius and Fleamont looked surprised at his sudden outburst, but Euphemia was looking down at James over the tops of her glasses, her mouth pressed in a line, lips rolled under, like she was suppressing a smile.</p><p>"Well," she started, pulling out the chair at table and setting her glasses down as she sat. "It's good you were, erm, <em>civil</em>, because I have some news, darling."</p><p>James exchanged a look with Sirius, then looked back at his mother as Sirius guessed, "Evans is staying the rest of holidays and is getting put in James' room?"</p><p>Euphemia gave Sirius a pointed look, though she seemed to be holding back a laugh. "Not quite."</p><p>She pulled letters from her stack, handing one to each of them. "Hogwarts letters." Folding her hands on the table, she fixed her gaze on James. "Dumbledore was by late last night to drop them off, he wanted to give me the news in person."</p><p>That felt ominous. Exchanging another puzzled look with Sirius, he picked up his letter and knew immediately, without even opening it, why Dumbledore had come by, because the weight and bulging envelope alone told him that inside that envelope, tucked among the usual folded pieces of parchment with school supplies and King's Cross reminders, was a badge.</p><p>His shock must have shown on his face because Euphemia was beaming at him, nodding at him to open it. He did, feeling his stomach drop through the floor as a chunk of shiny brass fell into his hand. It was polished to perfection, catching every glint of light, and engraved in the center were the words he couldn't believe: Head Boy.</p><p>"But—"</p><p>He looked up at Euphemia, then Sirius, who was staring at him like he had just sprouted five heads, then his father, who was beaming, then Euphemia again.</p><p>"But—"</p><p>She shook her head and stood up, motioning for him to come hug her, and he did, staring slack-jawed at Sirius over her shoulder as Fleamont got up to join in to complete the family hug and Euphemia kissed his cheek before pulling away from him.</p><p>Her eyes were misty and her voice slightly thick as she said, "I'm so proud."</p><p>"As am I, James." Fleamont squeezed his shoulder.</p><p>Euphemia sounded more collected as she said, "We'll throw a little dinner tonight to celebrate."</p><p>James sat back down heavily, finally getting his question out. "But why <em>me</em>?"</p><p>Euphemia slid back into her chair and resumed her usual pose, elbows on the table, hands clasped lightly in front of her face, as she shrugged and said, "Why <em>not </em>you? You have excellent grades, Dumbledore says all your teachers think very highly of you, and he told me he thought you've shown a lot of maturity and leadership over the past year."</p><p>James opened and closed his mouth like a fish.</p><p>"But I wasn't even a prefect."</p><p>"You don't have to be—the Head Boy and Girl only have to be seventh-year students in good standing. The choice is the Headmaster's alone."</p><p>"You didn't—you weren't involved?"</p><p>She shook her head gently. "No, James. The Board isn't involved in choosing head students. Dumbledore wanted to tell me in person why he'd picked you, to reassure me of the same thing. His decision has nothing to do with <em>me</em>—it's about what he sees in <em>you</em>."</p><p>James exchanged a look with Sirius, still gazing at him with shock. "Blimey. Guess all those detentions didn't hurt anything after all. Congrats, mate."</p><p>It didn't feel real. He looked back down at the badge, gleaming and heavy. <em>Dumbledore </em>had picked <em>him</em> to be <em>Head Boy</em>? Granted, he had been awarded a Special Service to the school after he had saved Snape from Sirius' malicious stunt the year before, but he still felt slightly gross about that; it hadn't been heroic, it had been desperate. If not for wanting to protect Sirius from getting expelled and protect Remus from the guilt that would destroy him if he killed someone, he didn't know if he would have still saved him.</p><p>Sirius's question jolted him out of his thoughts. "Who's Head Girl?"</p><p>James glanced back down at the letter, skimmed it over. "Dunno, doesn't say."</p><p>Euphemia cleared her throat softly, and James looked up at her sharply. "D'<em>you</em> know? Did Dumbledore tell you?"</p><p>Her eyes glittered and James felt his pulse quicken, that strange, swooping feeling start in his stomach. No. There was no way. <em>No way</em>.</p><p>"Only a certain allegedly gorgeous red head my son's apparently had a crush on since he was thirteen."</p><p>Sirius' barking laughter rang throughout the room. "Oh, mate. You're fucked. Pardon my French, Euphie. But you are—<em>so</em> fucked."</p><p>James' jaw dropped, that swooping sensation sending his stomach straight to the floor.</p><p>Fleamont was beaming at him again, and Euphemia was smiling conspiratorially. "Albus mentioned that teachers noticed things had been rather, well, <em>strained</em> between the two of you, but he thinks very highly of the both of you."</p><p>"But—"</p><p>"And it sounds like you can be civil now, so—"</p><p>"But that's not—"</p><p>Euphemia spoke over him. "And Albus is of the opinion that your differences will <em>complement</em> one another—"</p><p>Sirius snorted.</p><p>"—because underneath whatever <em>tension</em> is going on—"</p><p>"—yeah, maybe they'll shag as well as they row—"</p><p>Euphemia threw Sirius a look.</p><p>"—Albus said you both have strong convictions and a solid moral compass, and he thinks the school needs two Gryffindors like you leading everyone during times like this."</p><p>James didn't know what to say to that. Lily was perfect for the job, but <em>him</em>? He had done every punishment it was possible to do, he got along with a lot of teachers as well as he did from doing so many damn detentions that he had started making conversation while he was there, and he had hadn't started taking class seriously until taking O.W.L.s. He had fully expected Head Boy to go to Edgar Bones, who, like Lily, met every criteria on the proverbial checklist. And though he vaguely comprehended the theory of having Gryffindors—all courage, bravery, chivalry, and whatnot—in leadership when they were going to school against the backdrop of war, he still didn't see how Dumbledore thought <em>he</em> was the one to suddenly start enforcing rules and docking points.</p><p>Euphemia patted his hand, then made to get up. "I'm off to owl the McKinnons, you write Mary, won't you? And of course Remus and Peter should come if they can. We're eating around seven."</p><p>James slumped back in his chair, staring at Sirius and his father, his hangover suddenly catching up to him, not knowing quite what to say.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily was scandalized. Not only did she normally <em>never</em> get that drunk, but she had heaved her guts up in front of <em>James Potter</em>, of all bloody people.</p><p>It was late afternoon the day after the Cup, and Mary had Apparated to Marlene's, a wickedly smug smirk on her face as the three of them gathered around Marlene's kitchen table. In addition to her already pounding head and sore stomach, Lily's body was flooded with horror as her friends recounted with concerning detail the drunken James-Lily interaction they had all apparently been covertly watching, even reenacting certain memorable swats and, even more horrifically, reenacting the stand-sway-catch-hand-hold situation that Lily was simultaneously grateful and mortified to not remember.</p><p>"You <em>laced</em> your <em>fingers</em>!" Marlene was beside herself. "Like <em>this!</em>" She held up her and Mary's entwined hands.</p><p>"And then there was the <em>slight lean</em>," Mary said. "I'll show you again, start over, Marly. I'm James, you're Lily."</p><p>Lily thought she might be sick again as she watched Mary, standing so close to Marlene their toes were touching, drop their loosely entwined hands to hang between them and then lean down, just a fraction, with an ever so slight head-tilt, before she froze.</p><p>"<em>Right here</em>, Lil!" She didn't break pose, and Marlene was giggling. "This is <em>right</em> where he bloody was."</p><p>Mary pulled away from Marlene and turned to face Lily, hands on her hips. "If you hadn't suddenly had to <em>vomit</em>, he might have bloody <em>kissed</em> you. For Merlin's sake, you barely <em>spoke</em> to each other last year, and then suddenly you're <em>sloshed</em> and you both seemed to have <em>completely</em> forgotten you weren't alone despite the fact you were in the presence of your friends and James' bloody <em>dad</em>."</p><p>Her words were scolding, but her eyes were alight with mischief.</p><p>Lily laid her forehead down on the table. "I think I should just go crawl under a rock and die now."</p><p>She sensed a body slide into the chair next to her, place a gentle hand on her back, and then Marlene spoke softly.</p><p>"No need for that, Lil. It was <em>sweet</em>. He obviously still likes you, I mean, he <em>did</em> help you throw up."</p><p>Lily's voice was muffled against the table. "Don't remind me, Marly."</p><p>Her friend's tone was far too amused as she said, "Remus is a good hair-holder, too. Always <em>strokes my back</em> and tells me <em>you're okay</em> in this <em>soothing voice</em>."</p><p>"Fuck you. Fuck <em>both</em> of you."</p><p>Marlene and Mary snickered. Lily heard Mary resume her seat across the table, the scrape of the chair on the stone floor reverberating like a chainsaw in her skull.</p><p>"Flea adored you, I could tell. And James was looking <em>fit</em>."</p><p>Lily ignored these accusations. Which were, she knew, entirely accurate. Fleamont had been a dear, and it had been jarring but also strangely insightful to see him, looking like an aged version of James, be so thoughtful and charming and friendly. Is that what James was destined to be? Was he already that way, just not with her? Lily had no idea. She had worked so hard at ignoring him last year, and she had spent so much time away from the Gryffindor common room once she had struck up a friendship, and later romance, with Edgar Bones, that the only James that existed in her mind was the obnoxiously arrogant fifth-year prat who bullied everyone incessantly and had mastered attention-seeking at its highest form.</p><p>Except—</p><p>No. She had been about to think, <em>except for last night</em>, when they had bantered in front of Fleamont, making her feel like she was back in fifth year again, and then drank together by the fire, making her feel like they were actually this abominable thing called <em>friends</em>, and then stood together while she was sick, making her feel like a bloody idiot, but like a comforted idiot all the same.</p><p>But no exceptions: he was still the same insufferable, arrogant prat he'd always been. He had to be. Because she didn't like insufferable, arrogant prats, and since he still was one, that would somehow cancel out the things she had felt—was feeling—that she didn't want to be.</p><p>Like companionship, from talking and bantering with him and Sirius and his dad. Like being impressed by him, when she learned he could do that scary-looking move that Brazilian Chaser had done. Like a twinge of affection, when she learned he collected special edition copies of <em>Quidditch Through the Ages</em>, because she did the same thing for <em>Hogwarts, A History</em>. Like the bizarre fluttering in her stomach and tingle in her spine from his fingers tracing over her bare skin by her shoulder blades while she was sick. Like the disturbing flash of desire that hit her when his hand gripped her hip to hold her steady in front of him and her first thought was to wonder what it would be like to shag him.</p><p>To Mary's second accusation, Lily could admit that he was fit. He was a bloody Quidditch star, after all; girls wouldn't be fawning over him if he wasn't. But seeing him up close like that, he had seemed even more filled out this year than he had last year, when he had appeared back at school for their sixth year transformed from gangly and sort of awkward to muscled and rather suave. Both nights she had seen him at the Cup, he had worn thin, summery t-shirts and shorts; Lily didn't think she had ever seen him that casual before, but it suited him.</p><p>The first night of the Cup, at the pre-match party, his shirt had draped over faint traces of a solid chest and revealed thicker arm muscles than she had expected, rippling under lightly tanned skin as he hoisted a Butterbeer crate, and his shorts had been high enough to show a couple inches of chiseled quadricep above his knee. To her horror, she hadn't looked away at that point, but had followed the line of his leg down to flexed calves as he squatted down to rummage through the alcohol supply.</p><p>And then there had been that <em>dare</em>. Despite the fact that a bubbling heat had started churning in her stomach at the sight of James and Dahlia together like that, Lily had been utterly, inexplicably transfixed by them, unable to look away from James's smile as he teasingly ducked around Dahlia's mouth, the familiarity of James's hand in Dahlia's hair, the way the firelight highlighted his jawline as their kiss deepened, the sneaky lip bite Dahlia snuck in at the end. Of course, Lily had <em>known</em> that James and Dahlia were an item, had <em>known</em> that Dahlia would creep quietly out of their dormitory at night to go to James, but it was as if she had never truly connected it in her mind, had never equated their label as a couple and their easy display of friendship in public with the kind of chemistry they revealed in that dare. A distantly familiar pit had opened in Lily's stomach, an emotion she couldn't explain nagging at her as watched them.</p><p>She had just nearly managed to shove the whole memory behind the door of that deep, dark corner of her mind where she locked things she didn't want to think about when Marlene had ecstatically realized that their tickets were the Macmillans' tickets, meaning that they would be in a box with Mary—and James.</p><p>It had really all gone downhill from there. James had been civil. He had made her a drink. After hardly looking at her all sixth year, he had held her gaze over the bar counter and <em>smiled</em>, one side of his mouth curving up slightly more than the other, a faint dimple appearing in his cheek. He had joined in with his dad in chatting to her about Quidditch World Cups past. He had <em>bantered </em>with her, that almost-flirting tone that she hadn't heard since before the lake incident coming back into his voice. And, also for the first time since before that fateful day after fifth year exams, he had sought her alone, sitting next to her by the fire. She had had <em>fun</em>. She had enjoyed his dad's company. She had enjoyed <em>his</em> company. She had <em>laughed</em>.</p><p>Who <em>was</em> she?</p><p>Drunk. She was Drunk Lily. And he had obviously been Drunk James. That was the only rational explanation. Sober Lily and Sober James would have never, <em>ever</em>, hung out like that, let alone had a bloody <em>hand-hold</em> or apparent <em>near-kiss</em>. He was insufferable, a prat of the highest order, and he hated her. She hated him back. They hated each other.</p><p>Once upon a time, James had always been annoyingly friendly to Lily, had been constantly vying for her attention, paying her compliments and asking her to go out with him (weekly, very loudly, and nearly always publicly), to the point where it had become a sort of game between them, with Lily trying to come up with some different smart remark back each time, hoping that the meaner she was, the better he would get the hint. It hadn't worked that way, and James had instead hung on every vitriolic word, wearing that stupid grin on his face the second she even started speaking to him. She had wondered more than once if she should just go out with him and have a horrible time to get him off her back, but she couldn't do it—both because she was far too stubborn to <em>ever</em> give him the satisfaction of knowing his childish tactics had actually worked, and also because, in that deep, dark place in her mind that she kept under lock and key, she knew she probably <em>would</em> have a good time with him.</p><p>Loathe as she had always been to admit it, Lily had always known James was <em>fun</em>. He pulled pranks (she laughed at the good-natured ones, scoffed at the mean ones), handed out smuggled Butterbeers in the common room just because he felt like it, started snowball fights, invented games, engaged with the crowd during Quidditch matches. He was the instigator, the charmer, the one people could trust to break the silence, to lighten the mood. Though she recoiled at how bloody <em>arrogant</em> he was, she couldn't deny that, had she agreed to spend an afternoon with him, she would have in all likelihood laughed (a lot) and found it—him—<em>fun</em>, which was the absolute last thing she <em>ever </em>wanted to do to reward his other, more abhorrent, behavior.</p><p>Because abhorrent it was. The bullying, the jinxing people who bothered him just because he could, the constant confrontations with Slytherins (but Severus Snape most of all), with whom James and his friends seemed to be in a constant war. James decried the Dark Arts and the Slytherins who seemed to be increasingly involved in them, but Lily had never had him on a pedestal like everyone else did; his constant bullying made him just as bad as them, in her mind.</p><p>So for a few years, they had been stuck in the same loop of adolescent melodrama, wherein he tried desperately to impress her and asked her out all the time, and she refused him insultingly, and most of the time he truly ticked her off, and some of the time they had a more playful banter that left her slightly unsettled.</p><p>Then came that horrific scene by the lake at the end of fifth year, followed by a thunderous row in the common room that had had their classmates watching them like spectators as Lily and James stood across the fire, hurling insults at each other. That was the singular moment she had ever seen James truly lose his temper. Lily couldn't even remember what all they said, only that it had been a continuation of what had started by the lake and had been both explosive and deeply personal. Though she hadn't realized it at the time, it had broken something between them, and she wouldn't realize until it was gone how used to their strange bantering routine she had become.</p><p>When they returned for sixth year, she had sensed his hesitancy around her immediately, and she hadn't exactly been friendly either, the scar of their row still fresh. Still, though, they were Housemates and shared all the same friends, and she had assumed that they would warm up to each other and that sooner or later he would revert back to being the same old James that would constantly talk to her, tug on her ponytail in class, cajole her into going out with him, etcetera.</p><p>But he hadn't. He hadn't talked to her the whole first week of classes, naught a joke or a single ponytail tug, and then, at the first Friday's welcome back party in the common room, everything changed. The party had barely been underway when Adelaide Selwyn—with her voluminous strawberry blonde curls and bright red lipstick, her skirt always rolled at the waist to make it shorter, her shirt always unbuttoned one button too low—had walked up to James for a Butterbeer and barely left his side.</p><p>James had had a few <em>things </em>with girls fifth year (well, as much of a <em>thing</em> as you can have when you're first learning what messing around even is), and so had she, so it wasn't necessarily <em>that </em>that had changed. It was some combination of his whole demeanor that week and it being dolled-up, desperate, annoying Adelaide—who even sort of <em>looked </em>like Lily in some respects—who had completely captured his attention. Because even when they had been going out with other people before, James had still always paid attention to Lily when she was around.</p><p>Not that time. It had taken a few hours and several drinks, but by ten o'clock Adelaide had managed to separate James from his group of boys, standing by him in the back of the round common room as James sat against the arm of a sofa. Not particularly wanting to watch, but being stuck with a common room of people, including her girlfriends, that all seemed intent to keep monitoring this new development, Lily had snuck glances at them, seeing Adelaide messing with her hair, seeing James laugh, seeing Adelaide shove his shoulder playfully as she flirted with him. By eleven o'clock, Adelaide had gotten what she wanted, and everyone (all exceedingly tipsy by that point) simultaneously tried to look-but-not-look as Adelaide looped her arms around his neck, and James held on to her waist, and Adelaide leaned in playfully, and James pulled her towards him between his knees.</p><p>Lily still remembered the strange, roiling feeling in the pit of her stomach as she watched James kiss Adelaide that night. She could still picture it clearly in her mind, and, absurdly, could remember that <em>that</em> was the first time she had noticed how bloody <em>fit</em> James was. His shirtsleeves were rolled casually to his elbows, revealing taut forearms as he gripped Adelaide and pulled her closer. His trousers were tight on his legs as he sat against the arm of the chair, and he looked more solid somehow, thicker, like he had added a layer of muscle over the summer. And his <em>face</em>—Lily had hated herself for realizing how the tilt of his head showed off a jawline Lily had never noticed before, how the press of his lips against Adelaide's somehow made his cheekbones pop.</p><p>She had gone to bed not long after that, so she didn't see them leave the common room together, but she had heard about it the next morning. She had also realized, with an annoying twinge of—sadness? disappointment? nostalgia?—that James had not looked her way or spoken to her one time at that party. Filing away all of her thoughts and observations from the night before behind the lock and key of that deep, dark place, she had flipped the switch on her way to breakfast that morning: James Potter was vile. He was a cad, he was a bully, he wasn't funny, he was <em>obnoxious</em>, and, as far as she was concerned, he might as well not exist.</p><p>Lily had seen James and Adelaide together more over the months that followed; they weren't exactly discreet. Each time she would find herself having the same roiling feeling in the pit of her stomach, and each time she would unlock that deep, dark place in her mind only to shove the visual behind it and then bar the door. (Around that time, she had also learned how disturbingly cathartic it was to accept the attentions of notorious playboy Chuck Davies, a seventh year who captained the Ravenclaw Quidditch team and had always been a rival Chaser to James.) She saw James and Adelaide sit by each other at meals, saw them run into each other during passing periods, saw them walking together to the library. But she also saw more that she didn't (or did she?) want to see. She saw James pick Adelaide up and throw her over his shoulder playfully on the grounds, she saw him plant a kiss squarely on her lips while they walked with arms around each other in Hogsmeade, she saw them emerge from a broom closet in the Entrance Hall, both flushed, as her and Chuck were emerging from their own hearty snog on the grounds.</p><p>But the worst thing she saw had happened while she was doing rounds. She was supposed to be partnered with Remus that night, but he hadn't been feeling well (and hadn't <em>looked </em>well), so Lily had persuaded him to stay in and rest, that she could easily handle it by herself. As she had walked down the Transfiguration corridor, which often got skipped on rounds because it was set off a bit from the main hub of the castle, she had heard distant voices, muffled noises, the scraping of a desk leg across the stone floor. She had tiptoed as silently as possible, debating whether she should apprehend whoever these <em>idiots</em> were or just leave them to their tryst, but she wanted to at least know who it was before she made her final decision. They hadn't even closed the bloody door, which stood partially open to the empty classroom, and Lily eased herself closer along the wall, almost to the opening, when the rustling and panting sounds coming from the classroom were broken by an "—oh fuck, <em>James</em>—" followed a decidedly male groan.</p><p>Lily had froze. Her heart had been hammering so loud in her chest that she thought surely they could hear it. She had strained her ears for a moment, seemingly incapable of moving her feet to bolt out of there. More scraping of a desk leg on stone, more heavy breathing, a feminine gasp, and then James's voice, deep and raspy and impatient like Lily had never heard it, saying, "<em>Come</em>, Ladie—I'm almost there, I need you to fucking <em>come</em>—"</p><p>Both of Lily's hands had flown to her mouth, her stomach seeming to fall through the floor as she realized what, precisely, she was hearing. But it was like she had been immobilized; she couldn't pull herself away. Part of her wanted the spiteful satisfaction of bursting in on them, docking house points from his smug face, house pride be damned; Adelaide was a prefect, she should know better. But her curiosity, somehow linked to that roiling feeling in her stomach, won out, and she kept listening.</p><p>The sound of a kiss loudly breaking was followed by Adelaide's voice, higher pitched than normal, whine, "James—right there—<em>fuck</em>, harder—yes—<em>yes</em>—Jamesie, I'm—" But Adelaide didn't finish that sentence, just let out a strangled cry, and James was talking over her, his voice rough, saying, "<em>Fuck</em>, I can feel you, Ladie—don't <em>fucking</em> stop—I'm gonna come with you—"</p><p>The noise that James made then was so guttural, so raw, that Lily thought she stopped breathing entirely. They had fallen silent, and Lily, not knowing exactly how long they would take before they came bursting through the door, had finally edged closer to peek through where the door stood ajar. She had had a view of the classroom from its side, and while the desk they were at would normally face to the front of the room at Lily's right, it had obviously been knocked around, now set at a diagonal, with James facing away from Lily. She had never seen James shirtless before then, but that angle had given her a full view of his back, more muscled than she would have expected. She could see faint red scratch marks around his shoulder blades, and she had felt an odd surge of heat flush through her at the thought of what gripping that back would feel like. Her eyes trailed his spine, and she had realized with a jolt that they were still entwined, Adelaide's legs at his sides where James's trousers were baggy at his hips, her hands in his hair, while James cupped Adelaide where she was seated at the edge of the desk, holding her tight against him.</p><p>They were snogging, Lily had realized, and then—<em>no</em>—was he really?—but he <em>was</em>, James was still softly rocking against Adelaide, and she broke their kiss to bury her face in James' neck, her fingers tracing the scratch marks she had left. Adelaide murmured something Lily couldn't hear, and James slowed to a stop, setting Adelaide down more fully this time. When he pulled out of Adelaide and started to do up his trousers, Lily had never felt more grateful to be seeing the back of him.</p><p>"How is every time with you better than the last?" Adelaide had drawled softly. Chuckling, James had bent down to pick up his shirt from the floor, giving Lily a clearer view of Adelaide, who leaned back on her hands, her shirt open to reveal a lacy bra doing many favors for her small chest, her skirt thankfully settled back down to cover the dip between her spread legs, as a pair of lacy knickers still hung from one of her ankles. Lily had turned, about to leave, having decided she just needed to get away and block this from her memory, when she had heard Adelaide say, "I brought you in here to talk, you know."</p><p>James had sighed; Lily could visualize him running his hand through his hair at the sound. "I know. Hence why we just shagged in a classroom with the door bloody open."</p><p>Adelaide had giggled. "You know you love a little risk, Jamesie."</p><p>Not for the first time that night, Lily had cringed to herself. He let her call him <em>Jamesie</em>? Granted, Sirius did it all the time, and so did Mary, but that was <em>Sirius and Mary</em>. They were practically his siblings.</p><p>James had sounded annoyed. "Look, Ladie, I know what you want to talk about, but you just need to drop it, because I'm not going to ask you to be my girlfriend."</p><p>Lily's stomach had flipped at hearing him say that, and she had tensed, wondering if Adelaide would come storming out and see her, but neither of them seemed to move. There was silence for a moment, and then Adelaide had asked what Lily had also been wanting to know.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because I don't want a girlfriend, Ladie. I like you, I like <em>this</em>,but I don't want a bloody relationship right now."</p><p>"Because you don't want one with me?"</p><p>James' tone had softened slightly. "Because of <em>me</em>. It's just not what I want, in general. And it's not like I'm doing this with anyone else. You're the only girl I'm involved with, Ladie. But this is enough for me. If it's not for you, then we should stop."</p><p>"Bet you'd have a different answer if Lily Evans wanted to be your girlfriend."</p><p>The shock had rent through her like lightening, bolting to the floor.</p><p>"What are you talking about?"</p><p>"Don't play dumb, James. You've fancied her for years, and we all know you two are only not talking right now because of that stupid row over her gross friendship with that <em>Snape </em>character. Can you honestly tell me right now that you not wanting a girlfriend would apply to her, too?"</p><p>Lily hadn't missed the tinge of anger in James' voice. "Ladie, Evans and I aren't talking because we're <em>not friends</em>. And yeah, her being friends with Snape is part of it. But it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm over her. She's fucking stuck up. So yes, I honestly just don't want a girlfriend, no matter who's offering."</p><p>Lily had heard enough. Giving up on her rounds, she had made her way back to her dormitory in a blur and allowed herself to succumb to stinging, silent tears that she didn't understand, enraged at herself for how his words had somehow sliced right through her. The morning, she had charmed her puffy eyes, shoved her thoughts behind that lock and key, and vowed to hate James Potter for as long as she lived.</p><p>As sixth year wore on, her friends had asked her repeatedly what had happened between her and James, seemingly not buying that it really all went down to a row that had happened in fifth year. But Lily insisted it was, not able to explain, even to herself, that what had truly jumpstarted their impasse, at least for her, was James getting together with Adelaide.</p><p>But it didn't matter anyway, because he thought she was stuck up, she thought he was insufferable, and so they had vehemently ignored each other, though there were still the occasional odd moments when in each others' presence that she felt strange emotions she couldn't explain.</p><p>Like last night. Especially like last night.</p><p>"Not denying it, I see."</p><p>"Hmph?"</p><p>Mary chuckled. "I saw you checking him out, Lil. Come on, admit James is fit."</p><p>"Aren't all Quidditch players?"</p><p>"Does that mean you admit he's fit?"</p><p>"Ugh, yes, fine, he's fit. Happy?"</p><p>"So you fancy him?"</p><p>"NO."</p><p>"Baby steps, Mac," Marlene said encouragingly</p><p>Mary huffed. "Well, I can tell he still fancies <em>you</em>."</p><p>Lily pulled her head up slowly, hovering just over her hands, a new thought occurring to her. "But—he's with Dahlia. The dare—"</p><p>"Was a <em>dare</em>, Lil." Mary's eyes narrowed. "Didn't you know? They broke up. Well"—she rolled her eyes, doing air quotes—"<em>broke up</em> if that's what it is when you stop being monogamous fuck buddies but still shag for fun and don't care that you <em>broke up</em> because it was never romantic anyway."</p><p>Lily's mouth had fallen open, her fuzzy head barely able to keep up with that sentence.</p><p>Marlene's head was clearly working at a faster speed, because she took the words straight from Lily's brain: "So they're not together?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"But they still shag?"</p><p>"They, er, did the other night."</p><p>"But they're not…<em>romantic</em>?"</p><p>Mary sighed. "Marly, for being so scheming, you're so innocent sometimes. Just because <em>you </em>have sex with a three-year boyfriend you're in love with doesn't mean the rest of us do."</p><p>Marlene huffed, sounding slightly snappy as she said, "I'm not <em>naive</em>, Mac, I <em>obviously </em>know people are hooking up all over the place at school. I'm just…" She shrugged, looking for words. "They get along so well. Dahlia and James. I just assumed it was…you know." She stole a nervous glance at Lily, but finished her thought. "A real relationship. Not <em>just</em> shagging."</p><p>Lily looked back at Mary, not wanting to contribute to the discussion but being very curious as to its outcome. Mary looked between Lily and Marlene as she said, "I mean—it was a real relationship, she was his girlfriend. And they do get along really well, I think they're pretty close now. But they called it off at the beginning of summer, and James wasn't beat up about it one bit."</p><p>Mary fixed her look just on Lily now. "And I was around them a lot last year, and I <em>never once</em> saw him look at her the way he looked at you last night. I also never saw them hold hands and only saw them snog twice, once under the mistletoe at the Christmas Eve party last year and then for that dare the other night. Yet you two are drunk for a couple hours and there is a hand hold and an almost kiss?"</p><p>The corner of Mary's mouth twitched in a sly smile. "Come <em>on</em>, Lil. If I can add it up, so can you, and you're the Arithmancer."</p><p>Lily knew she was flushing. She also knew Mary's read on things made sense, but that didn't mean she wanted it to be true.</p><p>"We were <em>drunk</em>."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"And maybe he was so black-out he thought I was Adelaide."</p><p>Mary burst into laughter. "That is the <em>stupidest </em>thing I've <em>ever</em> heard you say, Lily Evans."</p><p>Marlene reached for a scone. "What've you got against Ladie, anyway? She's nice once you get to know her."</p><p>"She's a brat, Marly. A desperate, annoying <em>brat—"</em></p><p>"Who shagged James," Mary mumbled; Lily ignored that.</p><p><em>"—</em>and maybe she's nice to <em>you</em>, but she's never been nice to <em>me—</em>"</p><p>"Because of <em>James</em>."</p><p>"—and I just have nothing in common with her."</p><p>"Except fancying James."</p><p>"I DO NOT FANCY JA—POTTER."</p><p>Marlene froze mid-butter, staring at Lily with her mouth in a shocked round <em>oh</em>.</p><p>Mary arched a brow, a far-too wicked smile on her face. "Sure about that, Lil? Show her, Marly."</p><p>Lily lifted terrified eyes to Marlene, who lowered her scone to her plate and reached for a plain black leather-bound journal she had been keeping hidden under a magazine.</p><p>"No." Lily looked from Marlene to Mary, horrorstruck. "NO."</p><p>Marlene put a sympathetic hand on Lily's arm. "I'm <em>really</em> sorry, Lil." She looked anything but, her eyes glittering with mischief as pushed the journal toward Lily.</p><p>Lily glared her as she practically ripped the cover off in opening it. There, on the front page, were words she had never expected to see that morning:</p><p><em>The Diary of Unforgotten Things<br/></em> <em>By: DFP, LE &amp; MM2</em></p><p>Merlin, they had thought they were <em>so</em> cool when they were thirteen.</p><p>But, alas, The Diary of Unforgotten Things still lived, was still written in, and was still guarded with their lives. And with more horror than she had ever felt, Lily flipped a little more than three-quarters of the way through, where a new entry in Marlene's neat cursive read:</p><p><em><span class="u">Date</span>: August 26, 1977<br/></em> <em><span class="u">Time</span>: approx. 2:34 a.m.<br/></em> <em><span class="u">Setting</span>: Quidditch World Cup, shortly after one JP held LE's hair while she lost her stomach behind his family's tent.<br/></em> <em><span class="u">Unforgotten Things:</span> The following direct quotes from the mouth of LE: (i) "I'd shag that." (ii) "Hell, if I knew he'd turn into his dad someday, I'd fucking marry that." (iii) "Do you think he still likes me?"</em></p><p>Lily pushed The Diary away, dropping her forehead back to the table, and croaked, "I am deceased."</p><p>Mary and Marlene were cackling, the sound like nails screeching down a chalkboard, and Lily clamped her hands over her ears. "Expel me <em>now</em>, I can never set foot in that castle again."</p><p>"Sure you can, Lil." Mary was getting to her feet. "How else are you gonna <em>shag that</em> if not at school, eh?"</p><p>"I hate you all."</p><p>"I have to run—"</p><p>"You won't see me on the train—"</p><p>"—to the Potters' for dinner, actually—"</p><p>"—because I have expelled <em>myself</em>—"</p><p>"—because James got Head Boy."</p><p>Lily choked on her own saliva. "Fucking <em>what?</em>"</p><p>Mary was grinning at her, suddenly holding a letter to her chest that Lily hadn't noticed her holding before. She had that wicked look in her eye, like the one she got in cards that gave away her winning hand.</p><p>"I've saved the best news for last, Lil."</p><p>"Mac." Marlene's tone had a warning edge to it. "Are you sure about this? We've sort of put her through a lot today."</p><p>"Best to just chug the Skele-gro, Marly." Mary laid the letter on the table and pushed it toward Lily. "This came for me earlier."</p><p>Lily took the letter and unfolded it, seeing James's slanting handwriting:</p><p>
  <em>Mac — Dumbledore's finally gone loopy, he's made me Head Boy. This isn't a joke, Mum's having dinner around 7, you guys are invited (read: expected), and she's already started the house elves on a cake shaped like a badge. Seriously, I cannot make this up. Also, only because I feel you will need a few hours to manage your reaction to this, Mum told me that Dumbledore told her that Evans is Head Girl. — James</em>
</p><p>She read it again twice through before putting it down and pushing it away. She couldn't even speak. No. <em>No way</em>. What was Dumbledore <em>thinking?</em> Had he drank expired pumpkin juice the day he made that decision?</p><p>Mary was still grinning as she took the letter back. "Fucking proud of you, Lil. No expelling yourself now, eh? And no avoiding him, either."</p><p>She could only sit there in shock, watching Mary with a blank expression as her friend winked at her. Mary gave them a wave, then rattled on, "I have to go get ready. I'll write you tomorrow, you can both come round, yeah?"</p><p>Marlene was agreeing and saying goodbye, and Lily was still staring, barely noticing Mary round the corner and shut he front door in the distance.</p><p>"Lil?"</p><p>Marlene's hand covered her own, and Lily looked up at her friend. Marlene was smiling that signature impish smile of hers, chocolate eyes twinkling.</p><p>"I'm proud of you too, Lil. You <em>deserve</em> this. You run circles around the rest of us with how hard you work."</p><p>Lily softened, pulling Marlene into a hug. "Thanks, Marly. I just—I can't <em>believe</em> it."</p><p>Marlene arched a brow. "You can't believe about <em>you</em>, or you can't believe about <em>James</em>?"</p><p>Lily fell silent for a moment. If she was being honest, she wasn't surprised about herself; she ticked the right boxes, having been a prefect and taking seven N.E.W.T.s, so she had figured she'd be in the running.</p><p>"I wanted it to be Remus," she said softly.</p><p>Marlene shook her head. "He's too reserved. Dumbledore usually picks someone who's a little more of a people person, you know? Plus, with his illness, being a prefect is almost too much sometimes."</p><p>Lily nodded, knowing Marlene spoke the truth. "I know, but I still hoped that if I got it, it would be him."</p><p>"Not…Eddie?"</p><p>Lily sighed. "Honestly, I <em>expected</em> it to be Eddie, even though I wanted it to be Remus."</p><p>"You two talked a bit the other night, didn't you?"</p><p>"Yeah, it was nice. We still get along, we have nearly all the same classes."</p><p>"Do you think you'll get back together?"</p><p>Lily shook her head, reaching for her own scone. "No, it was a mutual break-up, Marly. I told you before, we just kind of…fizzled out. We're better as friends."</p><p>"So you know what this means…"</p><p>Lily looked at her friend sharply, not liking that smug look on Marlene's face.</p><p>"What? Marly, what are you scheming?"</p><p>Her friend shrugged, giving Lily a teasing look as she said. "Not scheming. Just…<em>noticing</em>. That our new Head Girl and Head Boy both happen to be <em>single</em> at the same time—"</p><p>"Marly—"</p><p>"—and almost snogged last night—"</p><p>"—that's not—"</p><p>"—exactly what it looked like?"</p><p>Lily faltered. Marlene was probably Lily's closest girlfriend, though it hadn't always been that way. At first, Lily had been put-off by Marlene's preppy style and sometimes snotty tendencies, their feisty natures leading them to clash. But as the years had gone on and Lily had adjusted to magical life, had learned more about the pureblood side of the wizarding world in which her dorm mates had grown up and been touched to find herself fully embraced by these girls despite the prejudice and slurs she faced from students in other houses, her and Marlene had slowly come to understand each other. Lily thought it had been helped along by Marlene's starting to date Remus in their fourth year; she mellowed out after she started going out with him, his easy-going nature and reserved maturity balancing out Marlene's uppityness. By fifth year, Marlene and Lily had become nearly inseparable, though Lily couldn't think back to any single defining moment that had created their friendship. It had just happened, with Lily eventually realizing along the way that though Marlene loved to gossip and could be quite bratty when she wanted to be, her loyalty to her friends reigned supreme. Lily knew the only person she risked hearing about anything she told Marlene was Remus, and somehow that was still comforting in its own way, because he was her best <em>boy</em> friend, and there wasn't much that she'd talk to Marlene about that she wouldn't feel comfortable also telling Remus.</p><p>James, however, was one of those sensitive topics, being as Remus was one of <em>his</em> best friends. Lily knew they had all talked about them. Remus and Marlene. Marlene and Peter. Sirius and Mary. Sirius and Dahlia. It was annoying beyond belief sometimes to know her and James shared close friends.</p><p>"Marly, I don't know <em>what</em> that was. I was <em>sloshed</em>."</p><p>"And you didn't hear yourself on the way back to the Meadowes' tent," Marlene pushed back. "Lily, you were <em>gushing</em> about him."</p><p>Lily buried her face in her hands. "And Dahlia was there, wasn't she?"</p><p>"Well, yes, but she was actually the one egging you on. I was kind of confused, to be honest. But she looked like she was loving it."</p><p>"Fuck."</p><p>"You can tell me if you fancy him, Lil. James is a handsome bloke, it's not like it's weird for you to notice."</p><p>He <em>was</em> handsome. Just as she could admit James was fit, she'd always been able to appreciate that he was, objectively, good-looking. His messy black hair contrasted strongly with his marble-pale skin, his round glasses stylishly set off high cheek bones, his eyes crinkled when he laughed, which was often, and he had a loping grace about him that gave him a sense of smoothness. It made her feel annoyingly fluttery just thinking about it.</p><p>"I don't fancy him, Marly. I was sloshed and not thinking straight, that's all it was."</p><p>She could tell from Marlene's arched brow and pursed lips that her friend didn't believe her one bit. Damn.</p><p>Lily pushed away from the table. "I should get home, my parents are expecting me for dinner, and I want to read this letter for myself."</p><p>Marlene nodded. "See you later, Lil."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>They were all too hungover to do much of anything that afternoon—even Fleamont didn't venture down to his potions cottage, but stayed napping in the drawing room to post-Cup commentary on the wizarding wireless—and so James and Sirius escaped to their usual lazy summer past-time of laying on the roof, where, in between dozing naps, they passed cigarettes, watched clouds, and alternated between easy conversation and companionable silence.</p><p>Then, just as they pulled themselves up to head back downstairs for dinner, Sirius dropped the bomb of all bombs.</p><p>"So I'm guessing you don't remember how you and Evans almost snogged last night?"</p><p>James could only stare. All feeling had left his body. His voice had disappeared.</p><p>"Shit," Sirius chuckled, dropping his cigarette and putting it out with the toe of his shoe. "You really <em>were</em> black out. I mean, you looked it, but I sort of thought holding her hand like that would have snapped you out of it."</p><p>Somehow the force of even more shock brought his voice back. "Holding—what?"</p><p>Sirius walked up to him, eyes glinting with wicked amusement, and put his hand on James's shoulder as he leaned toward him slightly, almost like he was going to come whisper something in James's ear. But instead, he paused and said quietly, "You were standing this fucking close, Prongs. You caught her when she was off-balance, you were fucking holding her hand, and we all thought you were gonna snog her."</p><p>James could only stare at his friend in disbelief. "But I…didn't?"</p><p>Sirius jostled him and turned toward the stairs. "She ran off to upchuck all those shots—you held her hair."</p><p>Fuck. He did. He remembered that now. But before…he remembered laughing with her around the fire—what story had he been telling?—but then nothing resembling what Sirius had told him had happened.</p><p>Fuck. <em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Reliving the reenactment several more times once Mary arrived for dinner hadn't helped.</p><p>James lay in bed later that night, turning it all over in his mind, unable to sleep. He hadn't thought about Lily all summer, a true victory for his diversion tactics, and seeing her at the Cup had been a shock to his system. Though they had by and large ignored each other's existence the prior year, he hadn't been blind. Up through fifth year, she had been adorable, pretty in a cute, girlish kind of way. Sixth year, right when he had decided to devote himself to getting over her, she had shown up to school looking <em>fit</em>. Hair longer, legs longer, lips plumper, hips fuller. More than he'd like to admit, he had found himself thinking about Lily when he was with Adelaide, and his habit of getting off to fantasies of Lily—something that had started around the spring of fifth year after he had gotten his first hand job from Greta McLaird—continued until he decided to put a label on things with Dahlia, at which time he realized that his conscience wouldn't allow him to call one girl his girlfriend yet wank to thoughts of a different one.</p><p>But now…she was even fitter and more beautiful than before—more than he had ever even imagined Older Lily being (because he had definitely had that fantasy before). Her curves in that playsuit haunted him, as did the sight of her in his family's box (in those <em>shorts</em>) and the reenactment of their fireside moment. All progress gone, all time spent on prior distraction tactics wasted. Just like that. It didn't escape his notice that despite all of his efforts, he was back where he had started the prior year: days before term, single, and thinking about seeing Lily. Only now, she was even more stunning, he had a year's crash course in female anatomy under his belt, and they had gotten along better than they ever had before—even <em>flirted</em>—while being completely sloshed and while she was, as far as he knew, possibly still dating another bloke.</p><p>Not a promising combination. But whereas a year before he had been determined to get over her, easily able to stir up his anger and bitterness and resentment towards her to fuel a resistance to his feelings, now he found he just didn't have it in him. Or maybe he just couldn't imagine being so angry with her anymore when she had been looking like <em>that</em>. And not just beautiful, and not just fit, but—<em>carefree</em>. Something he wasn't sure he'd ever seen out of her. He knew she had her own share of fun, would get drunk with the girls in their dormitory from the smuggled stash of French wines Dahlia's father would send, but she didn't completely let loose in public the way the other girls did. Without the responsibility of school hanging over her, she had looked <em>relaxed</em>. She had been <em>fun</em>. They had laughed <em>together</em>.</p><p>He could still picture, as clear as if he'd recorded it in a photograph, her at the pre-match party, sitting on the bench by Marlene, legs stretched out long in front of her, palms behind her, head tipped back in the abandon of laughter. One of the straps of her playsuit had slid down her shoulder, the front of her neckline dipping from the way her shoulders were bunched to show an extra sliver of delicious-looking curves. More than anything, in that moment, he had wanted to be the one making her laugh like that. But as he had stared at her, he had also wished they hadn't fallen out; had longed for her friendship, which he once might have been close to having; had ached for the feel of that body on his. And then, the very next night, he <em>had </em>made her laugh like that; he <em>had</em> felt like their fall-out might be in the past and they might be able to finally be friends; and even though it had been because she was sick, he now knew what it felt like to hold onto her waist, rub her back, grip her hip.</p><p>And now they were Head students together. Everything about his world, about her in it, felt flipped upside-down.</p><p>Just like that, he was uncomfortably hard. How did she <em>do </em>this to him? He had finally gotten her out of his head for a period of several consecutive weeks—literally the first time that had happened probably since he started at Hogwarts—and all she had to do was show up at the Cup and he was in over his head even deeper than he had been before.</p><p>He didn't have the willpower to fight it. The vision of her was too strong, something about her hitting him differently now. And fuck it all, he <em>wanted</em> her. Wanted her in a way he hadn't known he could want her when he was fifteen, wanted her in a way he hadn't allowed himself to think about since the prior autumn. He pushed down the waistband of his shorts, pulled up his shirt, wrapped his hand around his cock, and let himself get lost in visions of Lily: running fingers through her hair, kissing her throat, squeezing her thighs. He imagined her astride him in his bed in the tent, head tipped in the abandon of pleasure against the backdrop of enchanted night sky. She came, because he had always made her come in his fantasies of her, and she said his name when she did, because he had always wondered what it would sound like in her voice, not sure he had ever actually heard it, and then the last thing imprinted on his mind before his eyes squinted shut was <em>her</em> eyes, deeply emerald green, looking down at him like she had looked at him yesterday, sparkling with something sort of like affection but also partly like mischief.</p><p>He came hard, breath ragged in the silence of his bedroom, working himself through lingering spasms as he imagined being inside Lily. When he was finally done, he lay spread-eagled on his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering whether Lily would haunt him like this for the rest of his life.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Hi Remus, </em>
</p><p><em>Bummer we didn</em> <em>'t cross paths over the Cup, I heard you were ill. Hopefully you're feeling better with the train coming up in a few days! I'm writing in DEVASTATION, Reme. And you know why. I thought for sure it was a coin toss between you and Eddie, and either way I would have been happy to lead the school with a fellow Arithmancer. But this is ABSURD. I mean, I know you two are friends, though I won't pretend to understand that, but even you have to admit that this is insane. Requesting a return owl with advice for surviving a year of working with the most insufferable prat in the school, who is also, apparently, your friend. </em></p><p>
  <em>xo, Lily</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Moony, </em>
</p><p><em>No worries on missing dinner, we obviously know spending time with your mum while you</em> <em>'re home is more important than eating cake shaped like a badge. Because yes, Euphie went there. </em></p><p><em>I know from Mac that Marly will not be holding back in giving you a full report of the events of the Cup, and I expect you will be seeing a certain </em> <em>"reenactment" of sorts, so I feel compelled to tell you my version first. I don't remember this (hangover was a bitch), but apparently I almost kissed Evans. As in, we were pissed—completely black out—and I may have caught her, held her hand, and been about to kiss her, but then she ran off to be sick behind the tent (heard her hangover was worse) and I held her hair like the Gryffindor I am. I do remember the hair-holding part.</em></p><p><em>Anyway. Don</em> <em>'t ask me if I still fancy her, because I'm sure this means I do. As Padfoot keeps reminding me, I'm fucked. Let me know if you talk to her and/or if you have any advice on surviving my new appointment.</em></p><p>
  <em>Your confused and desperate friend, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Prongs</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Confused and Desperate Prongs, </em>
</p><p><em>What does it say about the state of you and Lily that you BOTH have owled me the same day requesting advice for SURVIVAL of the other</em> <em>'s presence? You literally both used the word "surviving." I cannot make this up. </em></p><p><em>I have been shown the reenactment</em> <em>—Marly stopped by today—and I am honestly even more confused at why you both are asking for advice on "surviving" unless that is code for "wanting to actually reenact the fireside moment with a real kiss this time but being too afraid to make the first move"? </em></p><p><em>Okay, I</em> <em>'ll be serious now, don't hate me. And seriously, you're not fucked. You do still fancy her, but you have this whole time. Maybe you didn't know that, but we all did. You could always owl her. Maybe start off the year with an apology? You were sort of a git to her, mate. </em></p><p><em>Any message you</em> <em>'d like me to pass on when I write her back? (Note: I am only offering to be middle-man here because you are now both my superiors, as I am but a lowly prefect, and I would prefer the student body leadership not combust under my friends' watch.) </em></p><p>
  <em>Your optimistic and scheming friend, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Moony</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Moony. </em>
</p><p><em>OWL HER? Are you out of your mind? Literally, what would I say? </em> <em>"Hi Evans, we didn't speak last year, but your cat still slept in my bed sometimes. Ready to work together?" I think she would figure out where I lived just to come hex me to smithereens on the spot. Hence, my VERY LITERAL survival problem. Can you see why I consider any actual reenactment—with a real kiss this time—about as likely as McGonagall taking up with Filch? </em></p><p><em>Also, what</em> <em>'s with you suddenly becoming my dad? Flea has also been prying/lecturing me on apologizing. Which I will swallow my pride and do, IN PERSON, because Flea says it's the right way to do it, even though I will risk my survival in doing so because you have not provided any tips on that like I requested. </em></p><p>
  <em>Nothing specific to pass on, other than try to make her not want to kill me on sight? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Prongs.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Hi Lily, </em>
</p><p><em>Congratulations! Didn</em> <em>'t I predict last year it would be you? You'll do great. </em></p><p><em>You don</em> <em>'t need survival advice. You know how I know? Because you and James both owled me on the same day, both asking for advice on "surviving" the other person. Accordingly, as you are both acting out of extreme self-preservation, I do not anticipate any risk of non-survival. Also, dare I say that I was given a certain reenactment of a certain moment and I think there may be far greater risk of an actual reenactment happening at a later date, for which my only advice is to not have to vomit this time? </em></p><p>
  <em>Yes, it is slightly insane, and absurd, but as he is also, as you so astutely pointed out, my friend, I feel a duty to extol a few of his positive attributes. And maybe these will make you slightly less afraid of death by prattiness. As I have just been made to read the latest Witch Weekly by Marly, I present to you: </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Top 10 Reasons You Should Call A Truce With James H. Potter (in no particular order)</em>
</p><p><em>1. He got </em> <em>"O"s in his Transfiguration, Defense, and Potions O.W.L.s (you were curious, don't lie)<br/></em><em>2. He knows how to get into the Hogwarts kitchens.<br/></em><em>3. He would bring Butterbeer to prefects</em> <em>' meetings if asked (which I just may now do).<br/></em><em>4. You always know where you stand with him, as he</em> <em>'s honest to a fault, for better or worse.<br/></em><em>5. He is also a superb liar, though he only lies when absolutely necessary. Most of the time, see #4.<br/></em><em>6. According to Public Record (i.e., Marly), you</em> <em>'ve dated/snogged/etc. an equal number of people.<br/></em><em>7. He and his mum write each other almost every day.<br/></em><em>8.</em> <em>He held your hair.<br/></em><em>9.</em> <em>He is an excellent friend.<br/></em><em>10. I think he still fancies you.</em></p><p><em>As YOUR friend, I only ask that you give this Top 10 list your consideration before dwelling too long in devastation, and certainly before seeing him on the train. Promise you won</em> <em>'t kill him on sight? </em></p><p>
  <em>Yours, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Remus, </em>
</p><p><em>Oddly enough, the first main paragraph of your letter disappeared</em> <em>—poof, erased, gone—just before I could read it. Don't bother re-writing it, I'm sure it didn't say anything worth repeating. </em></p><p><em>Out of deference to our friendship, I will take your Top 10 list under advisement. I would concur with your inquiry into #3. Let the Public Record reflect that I quibble with #6, but I am not lodging a formal objection at this time, as Marly is probably remembering/knowing something I</em> <em>'m not. I will have to take your word for #9, and I don't see how #10 is relevant to anything, though if that's the case, you might remind him that any inclination to returning to Pre-Sixth Year levels of propositioning should be quashed immediately because that would be strictly unprofessional and he would be promptly jinxed. Also denied, but that goes without saying. </em></p><p><em>I promise I won</em> <em>'t kill him on sight, but only because that would mean killing someone who writes almost daily to the mum who is married to the absolute gem of a dad, and I couldn't do that to Flea after he so graciously let me vomit all his alcohol outside his tent the same night I met him. </em></p><p>
  <em>Annoyed but no longer devastated, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lily</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Prongs. OWL HER. Marlene would not say how/why/when/where, but she led me to believe that your affections may not be entirely unrequited, though they are certainly currently being denied. Have provided her a Top 10 list of reasons I think she should agree to a truce with you, which she has taken under advisement. She has also promised not to kill you on sight. Have enclosed her address. Do not respond until your owl to the new Head Girl has been sent. Moony.</em>
</p><hr/><p><em>MOONY. Prongs has been dithering about this damn letter for two days, and I</em> <em>'m not sure it's longer than a sentence. Am tempted to send one myself and pass it off as him. Of course he's fucked, the bloke can hardly think straight. Have you SEEN the reenactment? Have fun trying to watch him function while having a raging hard-on for his Head Girl at all times when it's unclear whether they'll be speaking to each other. He's fucked. Speaking of, think they'll finally shag this year? I'll put some Galleons on it if you want. Could use some excitement around here. Also, a Top 10 list? At least write out one for each of us. Pads.</em></p><hr/><p>
  <em>Padfoot, </em>
</p><p><em>Please restrain yourself from sending Prongs</em> <em>'s letter for him. We both know he needs to do this on his own, like the grown boy he is becoming. And yes, I have been shown a reenactment, and of course I will have immense fun watching this unfold. But I do still disagree that he's fucked, unless it's literally, because I also know a certain now-Head Girl better than all of you, and I sense her defenses to a certain now-Head Boy may be weakening. Merely an observation, of course, have no (zip, zilch, nada, ZERO) insider (i.e., Marly) information. </em></p><p>
  <em>Over/under odds they shag by Halloween? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ignoring requests for more Top 10 lists, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Moony</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Hi Evans, </em>
</p><p><em>I know you</em> <em>'ve heard I got the badge, and I'm honestly just as surprised as everyone else. I wasn't surprised to hear about you, though. Meet up in the Heads' compartment on the train tomorrow before the prefects' meeting? I'll let you lead, since I obviously don't know how these things go. </em></p><p>
  <em>Trying out being humble,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JHP</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Potter, </em>
</p><p><em>I won</em> <em>'t ask which of our so-called friends betrayed me by giving you my address. Yes, let's meet in the Heads' compartment tomorrow, I'll be there at 11, and yes, I'll handle the meeting. I'm assuming you haven't heard about the Prefects' Code, or you would have asked about it. See the enclosed. Don't make me regret this momentary benevolence in sending this to you 12 whole hours ahead of your first meeting; it's only because I already know it all.</em></p><p>
  <em>Still packing, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>LRE</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Evans, </em>
</p><p><em>Many thanks for the (now 10-hour) warning. This is quite the book. (Also heavy</em> <em>—you're lucky Pericles is a hearty young thing.) Some of my favorite rules so far: </em></p><p>
  <em>- A prefect shall not flagrantly use a stinging hex on one Sirius Black within at least ten minutes of his pulling an objectively excellent prank. A bloke deserves a moment of satisfaction (objectively). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- A prefect shall not tell the Head Boy to "go fuck himself" when said Head Boy declines to give one James Potter a detention for hexing someone who objectively deserved it when no teachers saw. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- A prefect shall not chuck a textbook at another prefect in an argument about the no-detention zone around one James Potter before and after Quidditch Saturdays due to his objective indispensability to Gryffindor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You wouldn't happen to know which prefect prompted these rules, would you, Evans? I certainly hope she got picked for Head Girl—a mean stinging hex, aptitude for telling off, and a strong textbook chuck are really all the qualities I could hope for in a badge partner. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still reading,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JHP</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Go to bed, Potter.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily closed her bedroom window, watching Pericles (as she now knew he was called) fly off into the night.</p><p>Back to James.</p><p>With her note.</p><p>Because after six years of not exchanging a single letter, they had just written to each other on the eve of their last year of Hogwarts.</p><p>What was going <em>on? </em>Why had that letter—that <em>Hi Evans</em>—that <em>I'll let you lead</em>—that <em>Trying out being humble</em>—that slanting, looping <em>JHP</em> made with one stroke of ink—made her smile like a bloody <em>idiot? </em>Why had she suddenly thought to send him the Prefects' Code instead of throwing him in, trial by fire, to the rowdy gauntlet that was prefects' meetings? Why had that second letter made her stomach flutter in that annoying way it had started doing? Why had she left both letters open on her desk when the rest of her belongings had been—finally—packed away? What, was she going to bloody <em>read</em> them again?</p><p>She wasn't going to answer that. Because the answer would be yes, she would. In the morning. Just to make sure she remembered what they said.</p><p>But for now, she was off to do exactly what she had told him to do—bloody <em>go to bed</em>—because it was exceedingly late and she needed to be well-rested for her Head Girl debut in the morning. Lily locked her door, gave her cat, Pan, a stroke where he was curled in his basket, crawled into bed wearing her usual oversized sleep shirt, and switched off the light.</p><p>There was just one problem: she was wide awake.</p><p>Because now there was a new anxiety taking hold. Now, her deep-rooted fear, kept for so long behind the locked door deep in the corner of her mind, was seeping out through the crack at the bottom.</p><p>Mary might be right.</p><p>Blast, she didn't want Mary to be right.</p><p>But Mary might be right.</p><p>She might…<em>fancy…</em>James Potter.</p><p>Lily winced. Ugh, that was horrible to admit. She never wanted to do it again.</p><p>But there it was.</p><p>She could picture him at the World Cup, watching her with careful eyes as she talked to his dad, grinning at her with crinkled eyes as they laughed together, steadying her with concerned eyes as he cleaned her up after she was sick. She could picture him at school, shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows, tie loose at his neck from where he subconsciously pulled at it all day, that half-vacant look on his face as he appeared to take notes but presumably was thinking about something else entirely as he scratched away at his parchment. She could picture him walking off the Quidditch pitch after they won the House Cup just a few months ago, his hair <em>actually</em> windswept, his face sweaty and bloody and beaming and somehow the most fucking attractive thing she'd ever seen.</p><p>Damn. She had wanted to suppress that. Because that night, the night of Quidditch House Cup celebrations, was the first time she had done a truly unspeakable thing.</p><p>She blamed forces outside her control: Gryffindors had stormed the pitch, everyone was euphoric, hugs were being thrown around like confetti, and she had been pulled snugly into a uniformed body, elbow tight around her neck while her arm reflexively looped around a waist, and then she had looked up right as he had looked down. Lily had gotten used to living without electricity in the wizarding world, but just then, in that flash of a millisecond, she thought she had felt it. Her and James had recoiled at the same time, turning away from each other. Lily had snuck glances at him the entire rest of the night, and she could have sworn, by the way his head always seemed to be turning when she looked toward him, that he was doing the same.</p><p>That part wasn't unspeakable, though it wasn't exactly honorable either, given that she very much had a boyfriend at the time. No, the part that was unspeakable came later, after she had seen enough of that stupid crinkle-eyed grin that she thought it would be imprinted on her mind forever. After she stood with a crowd of Gryffindors and her girlfriends ostensibly to watch him and Remus narrowly beat Sirius and Peter at goblets, but really she just watched his fingers—long, pale, deft—hold his drink and run through his hair and release ball after ball and sink shot after shot. After she saw him duck through the portrait hole after a blonde-bobbed head. After she collapsed tipsily into her bed, uncomfortable thoughts about Edgar swirling in her mind.</p><p>Because as much as she cared for Edgar—who was quite possibly the nicest person she'd ever met and everything she had ever imagined a boyfriend should be, really—she wasn't sneaking out of her common room party to meet up with him. She didn't necessarily want to. Sure, Edgar took her on romantic dates to Hogsmeade and they studied together and ate together and hung out with their friends and overall had a lovely time. She felt comfortable with him. Safe. Content. And she did quite enjoy snogging him—<em>that</em> he was good at. But whenever they snuck off for the occasional rendezvous around the grounds or managed to get paired for rounds together, Lily had been reminded of one of her closest-held secrets, one her own girlfriends didn't even know.</p><p>No boy, not even her boyfriend whom she cared for deeply, had ever been able to make her orgasm. It wasn't that they were all bad at it, though she wouldn't necessarily call any of the boys she'd been with <em>good</em> either. It was some combination of their being average, her giving up on trying to teach them when it became apparent boys didn't fucking <em>listen</em>, and a mental block that was likely the result of her own self-imposed—and impossibly high—expectations.</p><p>Because she knew what she liked now, and none of the scrabbling, clunky hands—even when attached to cute faces and personalities that made her heart swell in affection—could figure out how to give it to her.</p><p>And it was all fucking James Potter's fault.</p><p>The first time she had touched herself had been at the start of sixth year. She had just had a summer fling with Lane Abbott, a Hufflepuff boy a year ahead of her, who had gotten the closest to getting her over the edge when they were shagging at a party at Marlene's, but then Remus had accidentally walked in on them, and then Lily wasn't really in the mood anymore, and then Lane had quickly finished, and that was the end of that. But at that point, it was the most she had ever felt that <em>pressure</em>, and it haunted her, so much so that when they were back at school and she was pretending to organize school papers on her bed while Adelaide curled up on Marlene's to talk about James with one of his best friend's girlfriends, Lily listened to the entire conversation, as she was sure Adelaide meant her to.</p><p>And what an eye-opening conversation it was. Because Adelaide had responded to Marlene's prodding questions with open enthusiasm and described in painstaking detail how James had used his fingers to make her tremble and break and scream, and Lily had thought that if bloody James Potter could make that happen to a girl with his fingers, she'd be damned if she couldn't do it too, and see what all the fucking fuss was about.</p><p>So that night, closing the drapes of her four-poster around her like always, she had cast a silencing charm and reached between her legs and experimented with all of the motions Adelaide had described James doing, and in her hazy pre-sleep state, she had barely noticed that her initial academic focus had slipped into a fantasy of James's fingers being the ones coaxing her along to show her exactly what all the fuss was about. And from then on, she was ruined, because no boy who touched her had been able to replicate that, and so she had taken to letting boys think they had done their job while she snuck away to finish herself off, always careful to only think about the particular boy that she had just left.</p><p>But then, collapsed in her bed that night Gryffindor won the Quidditch House Cup, she had done that unspeakable thing. She had thought about how he looked like the most fucking attractive thing she'd ever seen, and she had thought about that millisecond of electricity that had zipped through her at their accidental hug, and she had cast a silencing spell around her closed drapes and slipped a hand down her knickers and imagined that James Potter was on top of her, shagging her in celebratory euphoria, windswept hair in her hands and grinning mouth on her neck and deft fingers on her body, telling her she was the most attractive thing he'd ever fucking seen and making her come with a thousand little zips of electricity.</p><p>The guilt and shame that followed had been unbearable, and Lily had only survived it by immersing herself so deeply into studying for exams that the rest of term passed in a blur of textbooks and parchment and little sleep and bleary eyes, and though her and Edgar had studied together and maintained homeostasis in their relationship, she had felt flooded with relief when he finally pulled her aside on the last day at Hogwarts and spoke those <em>nice</em> break-up things she didn't deserve in that gentle way of his: <em>You're a wonderful girl, I admire you greatly, I just don't feel we are the right romantic fit, </em>etcetera, etcetera. Truthfully, she had known since even before the Quidditch House Cup that this needed to happen, but she just hadn't been able to explain it to herself, so she hadn't done it. But once he opened that door, Lily had agreed with all of Edgar's sentiments, kissed him on the cheek, not shed a single tear, and proceeded to split an entire bottle of smuggled elderflower wine with Marlene in their dorm, for which she paid dearly on the train ride home the next morning.</p><p>And now she was Head Girl, and James was Head Boy, and she had just seen him at the Quidditch World Cup, looking like the most fucking attractive thing she'd ever seen, and she was about to see him tomorrow on the train to their final year at Hogwarts, and <em>fuck it all</em>.</p><p>She slid her hand under her knickers, reached between her legs, annoyed but not surprised in the slightest to feel how wet she already was just from bloody thinking about him. <em>Why</em> did he have to be so damn <em>fit?</em> <em>Why</em> did such an arrogant personality have to be attached to such a meltingly handsome face? <em>Why</em> had that arrogant personality not been as potent as in years past? Where the fuck had it <em>gone?</em> More importantly, how did she get it <em>back?</em> She needed reasons, excuses, for why she would never, could never, <em>fancy</em> him. He was <em>James Potter</em>. Insufferable Prat #1, Bane of Her Existence Since First Year.</p><p>Who had held her upright and laughed through concerned eyes and been <em>nice</em> to her. Who flashed her that crinkle-eyed grin. Who sent little zips of electricity through her body. Who had almost kissed her. Who she suddenly <em>wanted</em> to kiss her. Who, at this very second, she was imagining on top of her as she lifted her hips and squeezed her thighs in tandem with the movement of her fingers, wondering what it would feel like if he slid inside. She conjured a flurried fantasy of his voice—<em>Evans</em>—soft in her ear, while her fingers slid through that jet-black hair and sunk into that back she had once spied while his arms wrapped around her and his lips kissed her like she'd seen him kiss other girls. And when she came she imagined it was because of him, because he made a thousand little zips of electricity suddenly swell and burst and ricochet throughout her whole body at the same time that he made that guttural groan she'd once overheard and came with her.</p><p>A whispered, "<em>Fuck</em>," escaped her as she fell back against her pillows, and once she had recovered enough to have a momentary coherent thought before falling asleep, she wondered how on earth she was supposed to survive tomorrow—let alone the entire <em>year</em>—without combusting in James Potter's presence.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. For The Sake Of Hogwarts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily sat back against the seat in the Heads' compartment, legs and arms crossed, as she watched Pan pad tentatively out of his basket and then leap across to the other side, toward a streak of sunlight on the cushioned bench.</p><p>Any moment now, she would have to face him. James bloody Potter. Who had somehow been appointed Head Boy despite averaging at least one detention a week for his entire Hogwarts career. Who was an arrogant, bullying toe rag that she wanted to hate more than anything. Who she had been cursed to work with every day of her final year at Hogwarts. And who, despite all of these things, she had just fantasized about the night before.</p><p>And not only was she having to face James about his appointment, but she also had to face him about that other thing. The we-got-drunk-together thing. The you-held-my-hand-and-my-hair thing. The I-guess-we-almost-kissed thing.</p><p>Did he know? Even worse: did he <em>remember?</em> Mary was close with James—she was basically his sister—so Lily assumed that if Mary had told <em>her</em>, she would have also talked about it with him, but Mary had been strangely tight-lipped about any conversations she'd had with James on the topic. Hell, the whole lot of them had probably all sat around at the Potters' dinner table the other night and had a laugh: Lily Evans, drunk off her feet at her first Quidditch World Cup; Lily Evans, flirting with James right under his dad's nose; Lily Evans, making a fool of herself.</p><p>What a bloody mess she'd landed in.</p><p>Just then, the compartment door slid open with a hiss, and Lily's head snapped up. James leaned against the doorframe, the thick tome containing the Prefects' Code under one arm, the other hand in his pocket. He wore jeans and a sporty half-zip jumper, his hair had that rumpled, faux-windswept look, and now that Lily was seeing him in the daylight, she noticed his glasses seemed new from last year, the black frames slightly thicker (also <em>designer</em>, of bloody course). They contrasted more strongly with his marble-pale skin, which seemed unfairly immune to spots. Made him look older, somehow. Made his cheekbones pop more, maybe.</p><p>The same fluttery feeling she'd had at the Cup started up in her stomach. Ghosts of her fantasy the night before lingered in her brain. Mainly the fucking hair. She wanted to kick herself.</p><p>"Hey, Head Girl."</p><p>"Potter."</p><p>He stepped into the compartment, the door hissing shut behind him. "Evans, I know this isn't ideal—"</p><p>Lily scoffed, muttering, "—yeah, you think—"</p><p>"Look, I'm sorry for—"</p><p>"For <em>what</em>, Potter?" Lily rounded on him, getting to her feet, her temper flaring as all of her bottled frustration imploded. "For being a bully <em>all</em> the time—"</p><p>"—I wouldn't go that far—"</p><p>"—hexing people for fun—"</p><p>"—I—well, ok, I did do that—"</p><p>"—acting like you're better than everyone with your <em>fancy clothes</em> and <em>expensive broom—</em>"</p><p>"—hey, now, that's not fair—"</p><p>"—being smarmy with girls half your age just for the attention—"</p><p>"—they're at Hogwarts, they're not <em>half my age</em>—"</p><p>"—publicly <em>torturing</em> and <em>humiliating</em> Sev—"</p><p>"—don't tell me you're <em>still </em>defending him, Evans—"</p><p>"—don't tell me <em>you're</em> still defending what you <em>did</em>, Potter—"</p><p>"I'M NOT!"</p><p>Lily faltered. For all of James Potter's faults, losing his temper actually wasn't one of them, and aside from their one explosive row amongst their years of bickering, Lily wasn't sure she had ever heard him shout like that before. James stood still as a statue in front of her, breathing deeply as he steadily returned her glare, as if daring her to speak.</p><p>After a moment in silence like this, Lily gave in first, turning to lean against the window. Behind her, she heard James sit down with a sigh, heard the thump of the book being thrown down onto the seat.</p><p>"Evans, can we—can we just talk, for a minute? Please?"</p><p>Lily turned around and saw him sitting hunched, elbows on his knees and one hand pinching his eyes underneath his glasses. For a split second, she almost felt guilty for unleashing on him, but then she composed herself. This was <em>Potter</em>, Insufferable Prat #1, Bane of Her Existence Since First Year.</p><p>Recrossing her arms over her chest, she sat back down where she had started, facing him. With a jolt, she realized they were matching: they both wore dark jeans, and James's half-zip jumper was a similar burgundy to the knit she had on. She didn't know whether to be amused or disturbed.</p><p>"I'm listening."</p><p>He looked up at her, hands now folded between his knees. He was studying her, hazel eyes shifting between her own. Then, "I don't remember."</p><p>Well, that answered the exact question she was wondering but was also the absolute last thing she expected him to say just then. She felt a flicker of panic.</p><p>"Remember what?"</p><p>Merlin, what was <em>wrong</em> with her? Why was she trying to play dumb on this? She <em>never</em> played dumb—she <em>hated</em> when people played dumb.</p><p>"You know what. Mac said she talked to you." He smirked softly. "Said you were still pretty damn hungover."</p><p>Lily closed her eyes, shook her head. "Don't remind me, even thinking about it will make me nauseous."</p><p>"I remember telling you the story of getting the bones in my foot smashed fourth year, and then the next thing is you being sick."</p><p>Lily swore her heart seemed to be beating at five times its normal volume. James rested his chin in one palm, still hunched over his knees.</p><p>"Now would be the part where you say what <em>you </em>remember."</p><p>Lily stared at him, horrified at herself. "Potter, I—I don't even remember the fourth year story."</p><p>James's eyebrows went straight up his forehead as a grin cracked across his face. "You were fucking blacked out by <em>then?</em> Shit, Evans, how much did you <em>have?</em>"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "I really don't know. I…I think the last thing I remember is…talking about a McGonagall story, maybe? Then the next thing is throwing up 'round the back of the tent. But I don't remember…getting there."</p><p>James's eyes had gone even wider. She was suddenly annoyed, scowling at him as she said, "And it's all your bloody fault, you know. <em>You sit with us, you drink with us?</em>"</p><p>James smiled. "I did say that, didn't I?"</p><p>"Yes, and then you got me sloshed."</p><p>"If it makes you feel any better, I've thrown up behind that tent plenty of times."</p><p>"Not this year."</p><p>"No, that honor was all you."</p><p>Lily breathed hard through her nose. He was <em>infuriating</em>.</p><p>But he had held her braid.</p><p>"Well…thank you." She sniffed, her back rigid. "For, you know. Holding my hair."</p><p>He was still smiling at her, eyes twinkling; he looked far too amused. "Anytime, Evans."</p><p>"That won't be necessary."</p><p>"Well, in case it is."</p><p>They stared at each other. Lily got the distinct impression they were both thinking about what they both knew had apparently happened, but that neither of them had any idea whether or how to bring up talking about something they didn't remember almost happening.</p><p>"I normally never get that drunk," she offered.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"I was obviously not…myself."</p><p>He quirked a brow at her. "They say being drunk makes people honest."</p><p>She quirked a brow back. "Drunks are also stupid."</p><p>He leaned back against the seat of the train, arms crossed. "I've certainly done many stupid things while drunk, but…I don't regret any of them."</p><p>"I find that hard to believe."</p><p>James shrugged. "I figure if I did something, I obviously wanted to at the time, didn't I?"</p><p><em>Damn</em> him, figuring out ways to tell her in code exactly what she wanted to hear. Lily bit her tongue hard so she wouldn't smile.</p><p>"Well I'm not used to being blacked out and doing things I don't remember, so I guess I haven't decided where I come down on that philosophy."</p><p>James smirked. "Then maybe I shouldn't tell you my other philosophy about blacking out."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "Why not?"</p><p>"Not sure you can handle it right now."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "I can handle anything, Potter."</p><p>"I know you can, Evans."</p><p>"Now you're just trying to flatter me because we have to work together."</p><p>"Better than ignoring you, isn't it?"</p><p>Lily froze. Despite their icy tension the whole prior year, they had never once acknowledged it to each other, let alone talk about why it existed.</p><p>"I suppose. Having a change of heart, are you?"</p><p>James looked directly at her. "You could say that."</p><p>Silence again, their eye contact broken by them both looking at Pan, who had started kneading into James's thigh and then stepped tentatively onto his lap. James stroked Pan's fur absently as he looked back at Lily, grinning that stupid crinkle-eyed grin.</p><p>"Pan and I have stayed friends, at least."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes; to her vexation, Pan had always loved James. Pan would sometimes even <em>sleep</em> with James. In fifth year, whenever this happened, James would always carry Pan proudly downstairs and deposit him in Lily's arms, telling her they had had a lovely sleepover and that Lily was welcome to join them whenever she liked. James obviously didn't do this in sixth year, so Lily didn't actually know whether Pan still went up to James's bed, but she assumed he had and that James had just never said anything.</p><p>James gazed at her steadily. "Look, Evans, I came in here to apologize."</p><p>"Pardon?"</p><p>He threw her an annoyed look. "You heard me."</p><p>"I didn't know that was something you did, Potter. Hell, I didn't even know the word was in your vocabulary."</p><p>His eyes twinkled at her. "My dad might have taught it to me the other day."</p><p>Lily didn't catch her smile in time. "I knew I liked him."</p><p>"So this might be choppy, as it's my first one, you see."</p><p>Lily extended a hand to him in a mock bow. "Proceed, Potter."</p><p>James fell silent a moment, Pan's purrs filling the air around them. But he didn't look away, and when he spoke, his voice seemed softer somehow. "I'm sorry, Evans. I really am. For all of it. I was a <em>git</em> when I was younger, I <em>know</em> that, and I'm not proud of it. But I like to think I've grown up since then."</p><p>Lily turned his words over in her mind. "And Sev?"</p><p>James shook his head, his voice fierce as he said, "I won't apologize for anything about Snape."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed.</p><p>"Well, ok, I'm sorry about how things…unfolded that day by the lake. I…got carried away, took things too far."</p><p>"Probably scarred him for life—"</p><p>"—he's slimy and evil, Evans, you <em>know</em> that, and he deserves everything he gets."</p><p>Lily chewed her lip. She couldn't deny that Severus Snape had changed completely from the boy she knew as her childhood friend, now so steeped in the Dark Arts and his blood purity obsession that Lily barely recognized him.</p><p>"But I am sorry for the…you know…other things you said about what I did."</p><p>She hesitated, steeling herself to ask what she was afraid to bring up. "Why didn't you do this last year?"</p><p>James looked away for the first time, glancing out the train window before looking down at Pan in his lap. When he finally looked back at her, his face seemed clouded.</p><p>"I guess I wasn't ready to."</p><p>Lily surveyed him. He <em>seemed</em> genuine, but this was not the James she remembered—the James she had spent the past year hating. But then, she supposed the James she had been around at the World Cup hadn't seemed like the James she remembered either.</p><p>James cleared his throat. "So, how'd I do?"</p><p>Lily smirked. It was nice to see him uncomfortable for a change.</p><p>"You know Potter, I'm actually kind of touched."</p><p>He lifted a hand to his chest. "Came from the heart, Evans."</p><p>James was staring at her expectantly. Lily made him wait a few more seconds.</p><p>"Well, we do have to work together this whole year…"</p><p>James inclined his head.</p><p>"…which will involve having to spend a lot of time together…"</p><p>Lily saw a mischievous look flicker across James' face before he reorganized his expression back to being a serious listener.</p><p>"…not to mention the part where we're supposed to be <em>role models</em> for the entire student body on how to fucking <em>behave</em>…"</p><p>"That's where you come in, I expect."</p><p>"…and so for the sake of <em>Hogwarts</em> and <em>our jobs</em>, I—<em>"</em></p><p>James arched his brows, watching her. Lily met his gaze, hesitating—she couldn't <em>believe</em> she was doing this.</p><p><em>"</em>I…accept your apology, Potter."</p><p>James's face split into that wide crinkle-eyed grin. "Truce?"</p><p>Lily nodded, finding herself smiling back. "Truce."</p><p>"Is now a good time to tell you Pan and I kept up our sleepovers last year?"</p><p>"Cheating scoundrel."</p><p>James gave her a cheeky grin as he opened his mouth to say something, but Lily cut over him, rolling her eyes as she said in a mocking tone, "Let me guess, <em>invitation's still open?</em>"</p><p>His mouth hovered open for a moment, and then he said, "I was actually going to say we're <em>cuddly</em> scoundrels, but if you're wanting to invite yourself to our sleepovers, by all means."</p><p>Lily flushed. Insufferable, annoying, charming <em>cad</em>. "I can still hate you even if we have a truce, you know."</p><p>James lifted Pan up to his face, where Pan nudged against James' jaw. Was it possible to be jealous of your cat? No—because she wasn't jealous. So what Pan got to be up close and personal with that jawline? That jawline belonged to a cad. Who just happened to be cuddling her cat.</p><p>"I don't think you hate me, Evans."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"Nah."</p><p>"And why's that?"</p><p>"We share a cat, for one."</p><p>"I'm ignoring that."</p><p>"Not denying it?"</p><p>"Not deigning to acknowledge, more like."</p><p>James rolled his eyes. "Okay, Evans."</p><p>Pan hopped out of James's lap, apparently having had his fill of affection, and went back to his spot of sunshine.</p><p>"Was there another reason why you somehow think I don't hate you?"</p><p>James leaned forward, elbows back on his knees, chin back in his palm, as he fixed her with that steady, twinkling stare of his.</p><p>"You were about to let me kiss you."</p><p>Lily's stomach fell through the bottom of the train, got lost somewhere back on the tracks. She couldn't breathe; her chest felt tight, like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the compartment.</p><p>Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "You said you didn't remember."</p><p>James's lips turned up in a smile, obviously pleased at her silent acknowledgment that he was right. "I don't. But I did see a reenactment by Mac and Sirius. Several times, I might add."</p><p>Lily swallowed. "I saw it too. Mac and Marly."</p><p>"I guess I caught you when you stood up."</p><p>"Something about <em>lacing our fingers</em>."</p><p>James smirked. "And apparently I did a <em>slight lean</em>."</p><p>"And then I had to go vomit."</p><p>James busted up laughing, and then Lily was laughing with him, and suddenly they were both in fits, and she didn't know how long they kept laughing like that, but eventually James was leaning back in his seat, rubbing his eyes as he muttered, "Fuck, you were so drunk," and Lily was hunched over, hand on her stomach, trying to catch her breath through lingering gasps of laughter.</p><p>The compartment door slid back with a hiss. Lily looked up, and both her and James's laughter disappeared as they saw Regulus Black, one of the sixth-year prefects, standing in the doorway. While he had the same dark handsomeness as his brother, Regulus's face was more pinched, and his nostrils flared as he took in the sight of Lily, a Muggle-born, and James, his defecting brother's best friend.</p><p>"I think everyone's in the Prefects' Compartment, if you want to do the Heads' spiel."</p><p>"Thanks, Reg. Be right there," James said cooly.</p><p>Lily didn't miss Regulus's reaction to James calling him by his childhood nickname. Ignoring James's dismissal, Regulus held out his hand toward Lily, where he held a thick scroll of parchment tied up with a velvet ribbon. It could only mean one thing: the Slug Club. And not all of the Slug Club, but just the select few with whom Professor Slughorn wanted to share tea on the train. Lily took it, unfurled it to quickly scan for the compartment number, and then rolled it back up, stuffing it in her shoulder bag. Regulus had already turned on his heels and left.</p><p>James was getting to his feet, brushing stray cat hairs off his jumper.</p><p>"Sorry about that," Lily said, nodding to his chest as she stood up herself.</p><p>"Don't worry about it, I'm used to it."</p><p>Standing next to him, Lily was struck again by how tall he was now; she had to tilt her head back to look him in the eye. She also felt suddenly, uncomfortably close to him on the heels of their last topic.</p><p>To her surprise, James held out his hand. "I feel like we should shake on it. Our truce."</p><p>"Oh-kay."</p><p>Lily took his hand, her breath catching as his palm pressed warmly against hers, his long fingers giving her hand a light squeeze. Goosebumps prickled up her arm.</p><p>"My other philosophy? About blacking out?"</p><p>"Think I can handle it now?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>He took a step closer to her, still holding her hand, and leaned down slightly toward her ear. She could feel his breath hot on the side of her head as he said quietly, "Doing things again sober when you want to remember them."</p><p>Oh. Oh that <em>bastard</em>.</p><p>He slid his hand from hers, smiling as he took in the look of shock she was sure was plastered on her face.</p><p>"Time to make our debut, Evans."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Lily didn't know how she would make it through that initial prefects' meeting with the ghost of James's touch still on her skin, but somehow, thank Merlin, her academic side (Head Girl side, now?) took over as soon as the gathered crowd of prefects fixed her with their expectant gaze.</p><p>"So I know most of you, but if I don't, I'm Lily Evans." She looked over at James, leaning casually against the front wall of the compartment with his hands in his pockets, and he took her cue.</p><p>"And I'm James Potter."</p><p>Remus jokingly called out, "Who put<em> you</em> in charge?"</p><p>James laughed. "No clue, I just do what she tells me."</p><p>The crowd laughed and seemed to relax, and Lily ran through the basic rules of patrolling and docking points, fielding the smart-arse remarks occasionally thrown out.</p><p>"Does the first Wednesday evening of the month work for everyone for a monthly meeting? Looks like no objection? Okay, then that's set. We'll also get schedules fixed for rounds and get those circulated once we get to school. Any questions?"</p><p>Kingsley spoke up from the side. "Yeah, is there a way to work around Quidditch practices in the rounds schedule? Last year was a fucking mess."</p><p>There was a breakout of concurring grumbling, which Lily understood; she had become a go-to person for subbing on rounds when people had conflicts with practice, and it had been chaos.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm just going to do a randomizing Numerological Charm, so I can include rules that correlate everyone who plays to the days their team practices."</p><p>The stuffed compartment was suddenly silent as everyone stared at her. Remus was beaming.</p><p>James spoke up first. "Translation for the rest of us plebeians: Bones, Dolohov, let me know what days you set for practice. Do we know who the Ravenclaw Captain is?"</p><p>"That'd be me." Aiko Chang, a pretty Chinese girl who was also in seventh year, spoke up from where she sat by Dorcas Meadowes and Adelaide Selwyn.</p><p>James grinned at her. "Congrats, Chang. Welcome to the club."</p><p>Aiko smiled back. "Thanks. I'll let you know about practice."</p><p>The meeting broke up soon after that, and Lily waved a quick hello to Remus, shouting through the din, "I'll catch up later—Slughorn," to which Remus gave her the thumbs up.</p><p>Adelaide had already moved swiftly to the front, sidling up to James. Lily heard her ask, "So I heard you and Black threw quite the World Cup party," to which James just chuckled and answered, "Yeah, it was a blast. Wasn't it, Evans?"</p><p>Lily's head snapped up to James as she finished adjusting her shoulder bag. He was looking at her with a knowing twinkle in his eye, while Adelaide next to him seemed to be trying to shoot daggers at Lily with her glare.</p><p>"Yeah, it was a riot," Lily said, looking at Adelaide as she added, "I was hungover for two days."</p><p>Just then, Lily heard a warm "Hey, Lil," and turned to see Edgar at her side, giving her a friendly squeeze around the shoulders. "Gonna tell Vector you're using her Charm outside of class?"</p><p>"Not a <em>chance</em>, Eddie, don't you dare blab."</p><p>He chuckled, then removed his hand from her shoulder and held it out to James. "Congrats, man."</p><p>James took his hand but shook his head. "You're too nice, Bones. I thought for sure it'd be you. Don't really know what Dumbledore was thinking, to be honest."</p><p>Edgar slapped James on the shoulder. "Dumbledore always has his reasons. If he picked you, there's a good one, Potter."</p><p>James seemed strangely expressionless, and Lily wondered if he was trying not to react to the sight of her and Edgar around each other. But that was stupid—he had to know they were broken up, didn't he? She had told her girlfriends, and she knew Edgar would have told his friends and his sister, so she just assumed it was common knowledge by now. A flicker of satisfaction passed through her at knowing that James was paying attention. Assuming, of course, that he <em>was</em> paying attention, and that that was what his strange expressionless expression was even about.</p><p>Edgar was looking at her, holding up a scroll identical to the one Regulus had delivered to her. "Assuming you got one of these?"</p><p>Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, but if he has those Belgian chocolates again, I'll have tea for the rest of the train ride."</p><p>Edgar laughed, following her toward the compartment door.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>A couple hours later—having been sat next to Edgar (Slughorn either not knowing his two favorites had broken up or thinking he could get them back together), endured the glares and hisses of disdain from Regulus, Avery, and Dolohov underneath Slughorn's ramblings, and managed the whole thing without those Belgian chocolates Slughorn sometimes had—Lily could hardly believe they were only halfway to Hogwarts. She wandered down the train, weaving through students and keeping an eye out for her friends. Spotting Marlene through a compartment window, Lily exhaled a sigh of relief. Finally, she could actually <em>relax</em>.</p><p>Lily pulled back the carriage door, opened her mouth to greet Marlene, and stopped in her tracks as she realized the carriage was packed with all of the seventh year Gryffindors and they had all turned to look at her, frozen expressions on their faces. For a split second, Lily's stomach flipped—Had they been talking about her? Did she interrupt something?—but then, as they registered it was her and Lily took in the smuggled bottles of Butterbeer littering the compartment, understanding dawned on her as they all collectively exhaled and returned to whatever they had been doing, the noise level quickly rising. She was being stupid, too insecure after spending so much time with Hufflepuffs last year, too rattled by her earlier encounter with James. These were her Gryffindors; her people.</p><p>"Lily! Finally!" Marlene, who had been sandwiched against the train window, squealed and immediately pushed her way through the crowd of legs to throw her arms around Lily. Above the buzz of noise in the compartment, Lily heard Sirius bellow, "Get in here, Evans, we're playing charades."</p><p>"You were gone forever!" Marlene said quietly to Lily, who muttered back, "It's been quite the train ride already." With a knowing smile, Marlene turned to make her way back to her spot between the window and Remus, who smiled at Lily as he toasted a Butterbeer in her direction. Lily returned the smile and gave him a small wave, but then feeling a tug on her other hand, she looked down to see Mary beaming at her, a mischievous glint in her eye, and that's when Lily realized that the only place to sit in the packed compartment was across from Mary—and beside James.</p><p>Lily swung her bag over her shoulder, shoving it on the rack above, and then sat down next to him, trying to send Mary scathing messages with her eyes but being met only with a wink.</p><p>James's arm bumped into hers as he cracked open a Butterbeer and then held it over to her. She looked up at him pointedly through her lashes.</p><p>"Aren't we supposed to behave now, Potter?"</p><p>He grinned. "Eh, we can start once we get to school."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes but took the Butterbeer, and one of those little zips of electricity shot up her arm as their fingers brushed in the handoff. James then held his own Butterbeer towards her, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously. Too close.</p><p>"To being in charge of the student body."</p><p>Over the racket of the game in the compartment, Lily heard Sirius shout, "Oi! Get your head outta your arse!"</p><p>Lily chuckled and clinked her own bottle with his. "To not killing each other, how about that?"</p><p>James's face cracked into a grin, and then he was promptly assaulted by a card that stuck itself to James's forehead. After a moment in which everyone leaned toward James, waiting in suspense, writing unfurled across the card, forming the name <em>Argus Filch</em>.</p><p>The compartment erupted in laughter as Remus flipped an hourglass and everyone began shouting enthusiastically.</p><p>"Detention, Potter!"</p><p>"CHILDREN OUT OF BED!"</p><p>"Mrs. Norris, <em>my sweet</em>—"</p><p>Almost immediately, James shouted over the uproar, "Filch, I'm Filch!"</p><p>"Ah, that was too easy," bemoaned Sirius.</p><p>"Hey, no sore losing, Pads," James chided.</p><p>Mary turned to Lily, laughing. "It took Sirius nearly five minutes to figure out he was Albus Dumbledore."</p><p>"Well, maybe if my friends could actually do a good Dumbledore impression, it wouldn't have, hmm?" Sirius cocked an eyebrow at Mary.</p><p>The next charade went to Peter, who was on the opposite end of the compartment. Lily propped herself up on her knee to look over her friends' heads as Peter's card revealed the name <em>Godric Gryffindor. </em>Peter seemed to panic under the pressure, and soon tears of laughter were pouring down everyone's faces as Remus and Sirius' swashbuckling imitations of a sword fight with empty Butterbeer bottles became more theatrical and Peter spluttered random guesses.</p><p>As the game went on, Lily found herself swept up in the fun, the Butterbeer spreading warmth through her body and easing her anxiety from the day, and she vaguely thought she had already laughed more since being in that compartment than she had all summer. Suddenly, it was her turn, as the card spun toward her and stuck to her forehead. She felt the press of everyone move in around her to read the name appearing on her card, and then the shouts started coming all at once.</p><p>"You listen to me every Christmas!"</p><p>"My voice sounds like I'm being strangled!"</p><p>"Does not!"</p><p>Then, in a melodic sing-song voice, "I like my cauldron full of hot, strong love!"</p><p>"Celestina!" shouted Lily. "Celestina Warbeck!"</p><p>Lily heard whoops and cheers around her as the card flew off her forehead and over to Sirius. But Lily's eyes had locked with Dahlia, who was known for her incredible singing voice, and who was smiling tentatively at Lily. Their friendship had been a bit icy the prior year, with Dahlia taking up with James while Lily made no secret of her animosity toward him. Dahlia had always had a very nonchalant personality, effortlessly in the spotlight but generally quiet, content to get along with everyone. She had carried that nonchalance into her relationship with James, and Lily hadn't been sure what was more infuriating: the fact that one of her friends was openly dating James Potter after his horrific show by the lake at the end of their fifth year, or the fact that Dahlia also acted like she didn't even care.</p><p>Now, Dahlia's smile seemed all too knowing, and Lily's stomach knotted as she remembered what Mary and Marlene had told her about the night after the World Cup. Dahlia had heard her gush nonsense about James. Dahlia had <em>encouraged</em> her to gush nonsense about James. And <em>then</em> Dahlia had also helped her, sat up with her early the next morning when Lily had been sick again.</p><p>Damn, damn, damn. She'd have to talk to her later.</p><p>Their friends were still shouting at Sirius, and Lily leaned forward to squint at the name on his forehead.</p><p>Sirius pushed his hair out of his eyes as he grumbled, "You all are <em>shit</em> at this game, I've guessed at least ten people!"</p><p>Mary was suddenly pointing and gesticulating wildly at James. "He's your secret lover! <em>Think</em>, who James was before!"</p><p>James had obviously caught on, and he clutched his stomach in laughter as he choked out, "I want to fuck you while you're hanging from the shackles in my office—and my cat will probably watch, but you'll like it—"</p><p>Lily was beyond confused, her eyebrows shocked halfway up her forehead, and she wasn't the only one; guffawing, wild laughter rang through the compartment, and Sirius looked horror-struck as he stared at James, his gray eyes the widest Lily'd ever seen them.</p><p>"Bloody <em>hell</em>, don't tell me I'm the fucking <em>librarian</em>."</p><p>Mary and James were losing it, tears leaking from their eyes as their shoulders shook, and they reached out to hold each other's hand briefly, like a handshake that was too weighed down with laughter.</p><p>Sirius was shaking his head at them. "Fucking disturbing. Your minds are too dirty for your own good."</p><p>James pointed his bottle of Butterbeer toward Sirius. "And <em>you </em>guessed it first try when I said that, eh?"</p><p>The card had flew to Marlene, and Lily couldn't see the name on her card from her place across the compartment, but Peter was miming putting something in his mouth and then making a happy expression.</p><p>Marlene sounded confused. "Someone who eats…and then is happy?"</p><p>Remus had his hand stuffed over his mouth, eyes bouncing between Peter and Marlene, and Sirius dropped his head into his hands, shoulders shaking in laughter.</p><p>Lily suddenly felt the warm press of James's leg against hers as he leaned down toward her ear. "Don't hint, see how long Pete keeps this up."</p><p>Peter was now miming a sad face.</p><p>Marlene mused, "Someone who…doesn't like eating?"</p><p>Lily threw a hand up in front of her mouth as she tilted up her face to whisper in his ear, "Who is she?" while trying to ignore the fluttery feeling in her stomach as she found herself closer to that jawline and those tufts of black hair around his ear than she'd ever been in her life.</p><p>James turned to respond to her behind her hand, the result being that his face was only inches from hers, and Lily's breath hitched as he met her gaze. The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk as his eyes flicked down to her lips before looking back at her.</p><p>"She's Bertie Bott."</p><p>He turned around to face Peter, instantly laughing as he watched his friend pull a face, and Lily turned her gaze to Mary, who was already watching her and grinning so wide Lily thought her face might break. Mary arched her eyebrows, looking pointedly at James. Lily shook her head, mustering the best glare she could, but Mary just rolled her eyes and kicked Lily's foot before returning to crane around Sirius and watch Peter's continued changing facial expressions. Lily didn't miss how Mary's leg was pressed solidly against Sirius's, though, admittedly, there wasn't much room for it not to be, and they were all somewhat on top of each other. With a jolt, Lily realized that <em>her</em> leg was still pressed against James's in the same fashion. How had she gotten used to that so fast?</p><p>Peter was still miming putting something in his mouth and making absurd expressions, and Marlene was busted up laughing, barely able to get out "Bertie—Bott."</p><p>Remus intercepted the charades card, then looked at his watch as he said loudly, "We should probably call it there, train'll stop in about twenty minutes."</p><p>With a start, Lily realized that the sky outside the train window had darkened and raindrops pattered heavily against the window; she had been engrossed in the game she hadn't even noticed when sunlight had disappeared. Around her, everyone was getting to their feet, stretching and chatting, and Lily suddenly saw a hand in her face. James's hand.</p><p>Looking up at him in surprise, Lily took it, letting him pull her to her feet. He reached up to the rack above the seats, which was even with his head, and grabbed her bag, handing it to her. Lily was careful not to brush his hand this time as she slung it over her shoulder with an amused "Thanks, Potter," and he just smiled at her in response before turning toward Sirius.</p><p>Mary spoke up beside her: "Your school robes in the Heads' compartment, Lil?"</p><p>"Yeah." Lily slid back the compartment door.</p><p>"I'll come with you." Throwing a pair of school robes over her shoulder, Mary grabbed her bag and followed Lily out of the compartment.</p><p>They made their way companionably down the aisle of the train, weaving through the clamor of students getting ready to arrive at the station. As soon as they reached the Heads' compartment, Mary sat on the bench opposite Lily's things and leaned forward eagerly, gripping the edge of the seat in her hands.</p><p>"<em>So</em>?"</p><p>"So what?" Lily asked, shepherding Pan into his basket.</p><p>"Come <em>on</em>, Lil."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, her back still to Mary, as she drew a pair of school robes out of her trunk. "You're really going to have to be more specific, Mac."</p><p>"<em>James</em>!"</p><p>"What about him?" Having pulled her school robes on over her outfit, Lily tugged her hair out from where it was trapped under her collar.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>. Don't even. I saw it <em>all</em>. The smiling? The leg touching? The fucking <em>whispering</em>? Merlin, for a second I thought he was just going to snog you right there in the <em>compartment</em>."</p><p>Lily was occupying herself with detangling her hair with her fingers. "We called a truce. We're just being…nice. You know, making an effort to be civil."</p><p>Mary watched her with arched brows. "Uh-huh. And is that why you curled your hair today? So you could <em>make an effort to be civil</em>?"</p><p>Lily threw her friend a dirty look.</p><p>Mary was not to be deterred. "You were undressing each other with your eyes, Lil." Mary giggled. "You were also bloody <em>matching</em>. I mean, <em>come on</em>, how more perfect Gryffindor Head Boy and Girl Couple can you fucking <em>get</em>?"</p><p>Lily huffed, crossing her arms. "It's not like that. It <em>can't</em> be like that. We have to <em>work</em> together, Mac. Besides, he's Potter, I'm me—civil is the best we can hope for."</p><p>The train ground to a halt and Mary got up to stand by Lily in the doorway.</p><p>Her friend's voice was softer than before as she put a hand on Lily's shoulder and said, "Lil, if you could see how you two look at each other, you wouldn't believe that for a second."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>What had begun as a soft patter turned into a torrential downpour by the time the train was grinding to a halt. James vaguely thought that if he was a first year, he'd be terrified out of his wits right then; the scene looked especially ominous, with the distant glowing lights of Hogwarts peeking through the black sky like a shimmering mirage in the thick sheet of rain.</p><p>Holding his school robes over his head, James made a break for it, Sirius at his side and Remus and Peter on their heels. They clambered into a horseless carriage, panting as they caught their breath from their sprint, relishing in getting back under cover from the rain.</p><p>"Those first years are going to be <em>swimming</em>," Remus muttered.</p><p>Sirius shook his head out like a dog, sending droplets of water flying.</p><p>"Oi!" James cried as water splattered his face and his glasses, which he had just charmed clear. "Do you ever stop acting like a ruddy dog, Padfoot?"</p><p>Sirius laughed, slicking his hair back out of his face. "What a start to seventh year, eh?"</p><p>"That was a fun train ride," chirped Peter, who was trying to shoot steam out of his wand at his sleeve.</p><p>Remus chuckled. "Yeah, I didn't know you had that many facial expressions in you, Wormtail."</p><p>Peter blushed but was saved from answering by Sirius, who had been occupied with drying off his feet, interjecting, "Or that Prongs and Mac have such bloody dirty minds."</p><p>"Might be almost as dirty as yours, mate," Remus chimed.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "I never would have thought it possible, Moony."</p><p>James met Remus' eye across the carriage as they smirked at each other. He wasn't the only one who had noticed how close Sirius and Mary had sat together, then. Granted, the compartment had been a tight squeeze with all of them in there, but still.</p><p>"So it looks like my Top 10 list did its job," Remus observed, changing the subject with a sly grin on his face.</p><p>James mussed with his hair. "Yeah, we had a chat before the prefects' meeting."</p><p>And she had been stunning, in that unassuming way she had, and he had been a bundle of nerves, something totally abnormal for him. He hadn't expected her to take the news of him being Head Boy <em>well</em>, exactly, but it had ultimately gone over better than he had anticipated. And then shaking her bloody hand? Watching her be all Head Girl while her hair fell in waves like <em>those</em> over a chest like <em>that</em> and her jeans hugged her arse in that <em>way</em> that made him want to sink his fingers into every square inch of her? He hadn't even made it to his compartment; as soon as she set off for tea with Slughorn, he had mumbled a hurried excuse to Remus and gone straight to the train lavatory, where it took him barely a minute to get off just picturing her in the outfit she had on.</p><p>"A <em>chat</em>, eh?" Sirius asked, turning to look at James with a glint in his eye.</p><p>"No, not that kind of <em>chat,</em>" James corrected him; sometime during fifth year, he and Sirius had started using that as a code phrase for meeting up with a girl, though he had fallen out of the habit last year when had simply been able to say he was meeting up with Dahlia. "We talked. I <em>apologized</em>"—he gave Remus a pointed look—"and we called a truce."</p><p>Remus beamed at him. "Knew you two'd survive just fine."</p><p>James rolled his eyes, but then a thought occurred to him. "Say, Moony, is she still with Bones?"</p><p>Remus shook his head. "No, they're still friends though. You really didn't know?"</p><p>James shook his head.</p><p>"Shit, sorry Prongs, I didn't realize. I mean, the reenactment should have been a dead giveaway—"</p><p>James shrugged. "We were black out, and they looked friendly today."</p><p>Sirius elbowed him. "<em>You two</em> looked friendly today."</p><p>"Wait," Peter chimed, "what <em>reenactment</em>? What does that mean?"</p><p>James let Sirius fill Peter in, as James really didn't remember it anyway, and by the time Sirius was done with his dramatized retelling, the carriage abruptly came to a halt, saving James from any further discussion of the World Cup.</p><p>He hopped out of the carriage with his friends, joining the throng of students hurrying up Hogwarts' front steps through the rain. The Entrance Hall was blissfully warm after the cold and wet carriage ride, steam rising in the air at all of the drying charms being cast. James and his friends made their way through the crowd of students and into the Great Hall, where hundreds of candles floated above the four long house tables and the enchanted sky churned darkly, a mirror of the storm outside. James followed Remus to the Gryffindor table, sitting next to him as Remus took a seat by Marlene, Sirius falling heavy on his other side.</p><p>"I am<em> so</em> ready for food," Sirius whined.</p><p>"You and me both," James muttered, feeling his stomach growling uncomfortably.</p><p>Once everyone was settled, Professor McGonagall marched up the center aisle, a line of dripping and heavily bundled first years following in her wake.</p><p>"Blimey, they're so <em>small</em>," Sirius said under his breath.</p><p>"And they look like they did swim, Moony," James added.</p><p>Remus twisted back to whisper to James and Sirius, "And McGonagall looks like a wet cat." They sniggered loudly and were promptly dealt swift kicks under the table from Mary, who was across from them.</p><p>"You're like bloody <em>children</em>," she hissed, rolling her eyes. "Get it <em>together</em>."</p><p>James tried to pay attention to the sorting but found his gaze continually drifting over to Lily, who sat a few people ahead of him on the opposite side of the table. Her thick red hair was still damp from the downpour outside, and though it had fell in waves on the train, it now hung straight over her shoulders and down her chest. James wrenched his eyes away from her, determined not to think about Lily's chest right then, though the image of her form-fitting jumper that day was already seared in his memory.</p><p>Dumbledore stood up, the sorting finished, and spread his arms widely. "And without any further ado, let us dig in!"</p><p>The table was instantly bursting with practically every dish James could think of, and he filled his plate quickly, feeling ravenous. There were tureens of soups, platters of roasts, bowls of mashed potatoes, and towers of pies, with pitchers of pumpkin juice and cider to wash it all down. James shoveled food in his mouth, Sirius and Remus silently doing the same on either side of him, only finally coming up for air and looking around them when they had finished their first plates.</p><p>Mary was looking between them incredulously, shaking her head as if in slow motion.</p><p>"Fucking <em>boys</em>."</p><p>"Wha?" Sirius said thickly, having just stuffed his mouth full of mashed potato.</p><p>The rest of dinner passed by quickly, the Great Hall ringing with laughter and shouting, everyone in good spirits to be back at Hogwarts. At some point, Nearly Headless Nick floated over to say hello to James and Sirius, before drifting away to scare a group of first years. When they thought they couldn't eat anymore, the food disappeared, only to be replaced with dessert, and somehow they made room for more, sampling cakes, puddings, and tarts.</p><p>Silence slowly fell over the Great Hall, and James turned to see Dumbledore standing, his arms again outstretched.</p><p>"Welcome, students," he said, his kindly voice booming through the room, "welcome, to another year at Hogwarts. I have only a few announcements for you this evening. First, please join me in giving a warm welcome to our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mr. Caradoc Dearborn."</p><p>As the students clapped politely, James felt Sirius lean towards his shoulder, saying quietly to James, "Looks a bit intense, doesn't he?"</p><p>James nodded, taking in Dearborn's thick beard and severe eyebrows, which framed his face in a way that made him look like he was permanently scowling. Dearborn raised a hand in polite recognition of the students' applause and then continued looking stonily ahead.</p><p>"Hope we have Defense tomorrow," James said over his shoulder.</p><p>Dumbledore then continued, "I would also like to offer my sincere congratulations to this year's Head Girl and Head Boy."</p><p>James's heart was suddenly beating fast, his nerves fluttering like they did the moment before a Quidditch match started.</p><p>"Lily Evans and James Potter, both from Gryffindor House!"</p><p>The Great Hall erupted, but Gryffindor table was by far the loudest, and James felt Sirius's hands grip him tightly on either side of his neck, clapping him on the shoulder as people from up and down the table stood up, craning to look at him as they cheered. Through the clamor, James met Lily's eyes, her face alight in a smile as her own friends hugged her on either side. For once, her smile didn't falter when she saw him, and she even inclined her head toward him. James didn't know it was possible for him to smile any bigger.</p><p>Turning toward the head table, he could have sworn he saw Dumbledore look him directly in the eye from across the hall, his blue eyes twinkling, before he motioned for quiet and continued with his usual reminders about the Forbidden Forest and Filch's list of banned Zonko's products.</p><p>"You know, Prongs," Sirius said, leaning his arm on James's shoulder, "I made right fun of you when you got that badge over the summer, but that just now was pretty damn impressive."</p><p>"Which bit?" James asked cheekily. Sirius laughed, then shook his head. "I'm serious, mate. Two Gryffindors with the badges. <em>You</em> with the badge. That's something to be proud of."</p><p>Sirius's eyes glittered warmly, and James knew he was getting a rare moment of Sirius's sincerity. "Thanks, Padfoot," he said softly.</p><p>"When you two are done with your love fest, we have first years to rally, Potter."</p><p>James looked up to see Lily standing across from him, the students in the Hall getting to their feet.</p><p>"On it, Evans." James flashed her a smile, then stood up from the bench, his legs stiff from sitting so long during the feast. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he shouted down the table, "First years! Up this way, let's go!"</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Having shepherded the first years to Gryffindor Tower, given them the password ("Pixy dust"), and shown them to their dormitories, James and Lily both emerged at the base of the staircases at about the same time. Lily looked at him like she was about to say something, but then turned to the common room, where their fellow seventh years had gathered near the sofa in front of the fire.</p><p>"Evans, wait."</p><p>She turned, looking at him with a confused expression. "What, Potter?"</p><p>"I have to show you something."</p><p>Lily's eyebrows arched.</p><p>James reached into his pocket, pulled out a small, folded piece of parchment, and held it out to her.</p><p>Lily eyed him suspiciously as she took it. "What is this?"</p><p>"Read it." James stuffed his hands in his pockets, watching her unfold it.</p><p>"<em>The password to the Heads' Office</em>—" Lily stopped, looking sharply up at James. "We have an actual <em>office</em>?"</p><p>James smiled. "Shall we?"</p><p>Lily looked back to the parchment. "<em>The password to the Heads' Office is 'Godric.' I presume you already know where to find it.</em>"</p><p>She looked up at James. "Is this from Dumbledore?"</p><p>James nodded. "It was with my letter."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "How do you already know where it is?"</p><p>James smirked. The true answer was the Marauder's Map, which he and his friends had been working on for years. He was certain that Dumbledore didn't know they had created an actual map, though he wasn't surprised that Dumbledore suspected James knew more about getting around the school than most students ever would.</p><p>With a straight face, he said, "I could tell you, Evans, but then I <em>would</em> have to kill you."</p><p>Lily immediately rolled her eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh as she held out the parchment to him. "Only because I'm curious, Potter."</p><p>Grinning, James took the parchment back, folding it and sliding it back in his pocket as he set off for the portrait hole, Lily's footsteps falling behind him.</p><p>"Oi!" he heard Sirius call from where he sat at a small table, deep in a game of wizard's chess with Peter. "Where're you lot off to?"</p><p>"Heads' stuff," James called over his shoulder. "Back in a few."</p><p>Once through the portrait hole, Lily asked, "Where is it, exactly?"</p><p>James turned over his shoulder and let her catch up to him. "Fifth floor, across from the Prefects' Bathroom."</p><p>Lily nodded. "Makes sense, actually."</p><p>They left Gryffindor Landing and took the staircase down to the main seventh floor, but instead of turning left towards a central hub of floating staircases between multiple floors, James turned right, motioning for Lily to follow him. "This way's quicker."</p><p>A short ways down the corridor, James approached a large painting of a magnificent sitting room.</p><p>"Potter, what—?"</p><p>Stepping very close to the painting, he said quietly, "Wemby, it's me—James." A pair of large bat-like ears perked up behind the sofa in the painting, and James heard Lily gasp beside him as the house-elf in the painting revealed himself fully.</p><p>"Master James!" his squeaky voice cried. "Master James is back at Hogwarts!"</p><p>"I am." James smiled at him. "And Wemby, this is Lily Evans"—he saw the house-elf peek over toward Lily—"you can let her through just like you let Sirius, Remus, and Peter, okay?"</p><p>Wemby nodded solemnly. "Yes, Master James. Wemby will lets Miss Evans through our passages, sir."</p><p>James smiled. "Thanks a bunch, Wemby. Sirius and I will come see everyone in the kitchens this week, yeah?"</p><p>The little house-elf jumped up and down as he clapped his hands excitedly, his large ears flapping. "Oooh yes, Master James, I will tells them you wills be coming, sir!"</p><p>"You're the best, Wemby."</p><p>Wemby scampered to the side of the painting and pushed on a door, after which there was a soft <em>click</em> and the painting swung forward, revealing an opening to an inner spiral staircase lit softly by candles set in sconces along the wall.</p><p>James looked over at Lily, who looked taken aback but nonetheless followed him into the staircase. As soon as the portrait swung closed behind them and they had started down the stairs, Lily seemed to find her voice again and started hurling questions at him.</p><p>"What in the blazes was that? How did you know this was here? And the <em>kitchens</em>? What does he mean, he'll tell them you'll be coming?"</p><p>James chuckled as he made his way down the staircase. "This is one of the elf passages, Evans. They're all over the school, usually covered with a painting that just looks like a still-life of a room or piece of furniture or something."</p><p>He turned to look at her behind him, her brow furrowed as she pieced everything together.</p><p>"You knew Hogwarts basically runs on house-elves, didn't you?"</p><p>"Well, I—I guess I had never actually thought about it before," she admitted. "I've never <em>seen</em> one. But it…well, it makes sense."</p><p>James smiled. "They're bloody fantastic. Damn helpful. Good to have on your side in a pinch." He winked at her, then continued down the stairs.</p><p>"But—how did you know this—these passages—were here?"</p><p>"Just went looking for them," James said simply. "They had to be here, every castle or estate with house-elves has elf passages."</p><p>"So…you live in an estate with house-elves, is what you're saying?"</p><p>James slowed to a stop, looking back over his shoulder at Lily. She had one hand on the railing, the other on her hip as she assessed him with raised eyebrows.</p><p>"Well, er, yeah," James answered lamely, running his hand through his hair.</p><p>"Not just a nice house—an <em>estate</em>?"</p><p>She seemed genuinely curious, like she was learning new information about him. James supposed she wouldn't have known unless she had gone poking around in history books; he didn't share much about his ancestry, even with his friends, having assumed that at least Sirius and Mary already knew the main points from growing up in the same small web of pureblood families.</p><p>"You remember learning about Linfred of Stinchcombe? Twelfth-century bloke, invented Skele-gro and PepperUp Potion?"</p><p>Lily nodded, her eyes narrowing. "Yes. The PepperUp Potion credit was disputed a bit, though."</p><p>James shrugged. "Point is, Linfred was my, erm, ancestor."</p><p>Lily's mouth dropped open.</p><p>Uncomfortable with the silence, James rambled on, figuring he may as well be out with it. "And then Linfred's son married one of the Peverells, which was another prominent wizarding family back in the day. My grandfather Henry—I have his middle name—was on the Wizengamot for awhile. So my dad was born into a stupid amount of wealth already, but then he invented Sleekeazy's hair potion."</p><p>Lily looked like she had seen a ghost for the first time, a flush creeping up around her neck and her voice barely above a whisper as she said, "I <em>use</em> Sleekeazy's hair potion."</p><p>James grinned. "He doesn't run it anymore—he sold the company ages ago, made a fortune, too—but yeah, that was his potion."</p><p>Lily looked dumbfounded. James smiled, enjoying her surprise; it wasn't often that he had the last word in with Lily. "And then there's my mum's side, which also had a lot of people in government, but her side's actually Dutch, which is a whole other thing I won't get into. So I guess there you have it," he said, "I'm from lines of portioneers and politicians."</p><p>"Yeah, and from one of the oldest pureblood families in <em>wizarding history</em>." Lily shook her head. "Bloody hell, Potter. I had no idea."</p><p>"Well, let's, er, keep it that way, if you don't mind." James ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>"What, you don't want the student body knowing you're practically pureblood royalty?"</p><p>He winced, hearing the sneering tone to her voice as she spat out those last words, then shook his head. "No, Evans, I don't. I mean, some of them—the Blacks, Mac, the Boneses, Selwyns, Meadowes, Dolohov—they'll all know to a certain extent because we were all taught wizarding ancestry practically from the time we could walk. But everyone else…" James trailed off, casting around for how to explain it. "Look, I'm proud of my family, of course I am. But at school, it doesn't matter, or it shouldn't, anyway. I've never wanted special treatment, Evans. Whatever I do here, I want it to be because of <em>me</em>, not because of who my ancestors were."</p><p>James watched Lily look him over, considering him. After a moment, she seemed to accept his answer, and she started forward again down the stairs.</p><p>"So where does this lead?"</p><p>James smiled, reaching the landing for the fifth floor. "You could keep going all the way down to the kitchens if you wanted," he told her, "but this opens to the fifth floor corridor." He pressed his ear to the door, listening for a moment, and then gave the entrance a gentle push, peaking his head around the edge of the portrait.</p><p>The coast being clear, he swung the portrait open further, then held it open for Lily to step through before shutting it quietly behind her. They were in the fifth floor corridor, right in front of the statue of Boris the Bewildered. James turned to the left, walking past the doorways lining the hall, the moonlight from the window at the end of the corridor lighting his way. The last door, the fourth to the left of Boris, led to the Prefects' Bathroom, but James turned to the blank space of stone wall across from the fourth door.</p><p>Placing his hand on the cold stone, he said clearly, "Godric." A thick mahogany door materialized in the stone, a shiny brass plaque reading <em>Office of the Head Boy and Girl of Hogwarts</em>. Looking over his shoulder at Lily, grinning with excitement, James turned the handle and pushed open the door.</p><p>Behind the door was a short, narrow hallway that opened into a small, high-ceilinged room. James stepped slowly inside, Lily behind him. The walls were stone, the carpets plush under their feet. Stepping further into the room, James marveled that this was his for the year. Well, partially. On the wall to their left was an onyx mantle taller than James, a massive fire burning in its grate. The mantle was flagged by two large, squishy-looking armchairs covered in burgundy velvet, and over the mantle was an ornate gold mirror, reflecting the floor-to-ceiling window looking out over the lake on the opposite wall. James looked to his right, seeing two large mahogany desks facing each other, the walls behind them filled with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Lily walked straight ahead, to the wall opposite them, which glimmered from the flickering light of the fire and the moonlight falling into the room.</p><p>He came up behind her, and saw that the wall was covered entirely in brass plaques.</p><p>"All of the Heads of Hogwarts," Lily breathed.</p><p>James's breath caught in his throat as he took in the wall. He and his friends had always joked that Head Boys were just glorified babysitters, teacher-appointed teacher's pets who got to play professor in patrolling and handing out points. But now, as he took in this office, saw this wall of names dating back to the early years of Hogwarts, the honor and history of the role of Head Boy crashed over him for the first time.</p><p>Lily turned, wandering towards the desks. James pried his eyes from the wall, where he had been aimlessly reading names, and followed her, seeing that each desk had a brass plaque on the front, their names engraved as they would be on the wall someday. He traced a finger along his desk as he walked around it, sitting in the wing-backed chair that was already pulled out, as if it were waiting for him. Resting his elbows on the desk, he steepled his hands, looking up at Lily to see her watching him, arms crossed, a curious expression on her face.</p><p>"This is surreal, Evans."</p><p>"Which bit?" She asked playfully. "The part where you're Head Boy, or the part where that means we have access to a hidden office where our names will be on a wall dating back to the beginnings of Hogwarts?"</p><p>James chuckled in disbelief. "Honestly, both."</p><p>Lily sat at her own desk, touching the inkwell, the stack of fresh parchment. "Well, at least you can admit it," she said under her breath.</p><p>"Of course I can admit it, how could anyone stand in front of that wall and not feel like that."</p><p>"I <em>meant</em> the other part." She looked up from her desk, her eyes glinting darkly in the moonlight.</p><p>James stared back, understanding dawning on him. "You don't think I should have gotten it."</p><p>"No, of <em>course</em> not!" The words tumbled out of her, her temper flaring. "I don't care <em>who </em>your ancestors are, you've been nothing but an arrogant <em>prat</em> your whole time at this bloody school, you <em>say</em> you hate the Dark Arts yet you've done <em>just</em> as vile of things—"</p><p>White hot anger surged through James. Apparently their truce that afternoon didn't count for much. "I have <em>never</em> done <em>anything</em> near what those Slytherins do."</p><p>"You use the same spells as them," she snapped. "What, you just use them <em>at</em> the Slytherins, so that suddenly makes it okay?"</p><p>James pushed back from his desk and walked around to Lily's, gripping the edge as he bent down over her. Lily was seemingly the only one who could draw out his temper. Though he had a tendency to be reckless, he was also always generally calm, prone to act out of pride (even spite, it if it was Snape), but never out of blind anger. With Lily, some switch flipped. Like a moth to the flame, he was drawn to her fiery energy, like he had to meet it.</p><p>"Do you know what they <em>do</em>, Evans? Do you know who they're <em>following</em>?" His voice was low, almost a growl. "This isn't petty jinxes in the hallway, this is <em>war</em>."</p><p>She hadn't flinched when he got in her face, but instead held an expression of blazing fury. "<em>Yes</em>, Potter, I don't need <em>you</em> to tell me about what the <em>Death Eaters </em>are doing in the name of <em>blood purity</em>. But my point still stands. You act like you're better than them, when really you're just stooping to their level—it's <em>pathetic</em>. Any role model worth their salt knows to just ignore them."</p><p>"So you'd just turn a blind eye?"</p><p>"It's not <em>turning a blind eye</em> when you're <em>rising above it</em>."</p><p>James shook his head. "Semantics, Evans."</p><p>He could tell she was fuming, her mouth set in a thin line as her eyes blazed at him. "It's not, and you know it, you're just too <em>bloody</em> proud to admit there are better role models in this school than you—"</p><p>James laughed despite his anger, the sound harsh in his ears. "Oh, I fully admit there are better role models than me, Evans. Remus, for one. Your pretty boy Eddie, for another."</p><p>He didn't miss the color drain from her face as he mentioned Edgar's name, the elephant in the room they had both been dancing around. He leaned in closer over the desk.</p><p>"It's who they are. But that's not me. I'll never pretend to be something I'm not, Evans. And guess what? Pretty sure Dumbledore knows that, and Dumbledore still picked <em>me</em>."</p><p>Lily sprung to her feet, her chair scraping against the floor, as she leaned over her desk toward him, mimicking his stance. "And I'll watch him regret it," she hissed. "Because at least Remus or Eddie would have <em>deserved</em> it."</p><p>She turned on her heel and started for the door.</p><p>Finding that he couldn't help himself, James looked over his shoulder and called, "You can tell Eddie I wish it had been him."</p><p>Lily froze, then turned back to face him. "And why would I do that?"</p><p>James drawled, "Because I assume you're still together, and that you're going to go see him, and that you're obviously going to talk about this. And for what it's worth, that's the truth. I assumed it would be him, and I wish it had been. As cool as this room is, being all goody-goody role model isn't exactly my schtick."</p><p>The part about Eddie was a complete lie, but he wanted to know the truth from her mouth, and he was curious to see if she'd even give it. Now that she was closer to the middle of the room, the firelight flickered over her, making her hair look aflame and casting shadows across her face.</p><p>"Well, you sure are assuming a lot of things <em>wrong</em>," she spat.</p><p>James threw up his hands. "What do you want from me, Evans?"</p><p>He watched her pinch the bridge of her nose and close her eyes, as if collecting herself. Then she was back, fixing him with her blazing look, as she said, "I'm not going to go see Eddie because he and I aren't together."</p><p>That strange swooping sensation spread through his chest, even as she stood glaring at him while they rowed.</p><p>"You kept that quiet."</p><p>"Well, it's not like it's anyone's business."</p><p>James felt his anger subsiding, and when he spoke, he knew his voice was softer, back to normal. He supposed he didn't know <em>when</em> they had broke up, or how Lily felt about it.</p><p>"No, it's not," he agreed. "Are you alright, Evans?"</p><p>Her laugh caught James off guard. It was too raw yet too unnatural at the same time. "Yes, Potter, I'm perfectly well, thanks. And even if I weren't, I wouldn't need your <em>sympathy</em>."</p><p>He breathed hard through his nose, his temper rising again. "<em>Fine</em>, Evans, I won't try to be a decent bloke—"</p><p>"But that's just it!" She rounded on him, shortening the gap between them. "You're <em>not</em>. You never <em>have been</em>. You strut around acting like you own this school, and now you've been given that <em>bloody</em> badge to boot, but that doesn't mean you've got <em>character</em>."</p><p>James swallowed hard, her words like a punch to the gut, but his anger was taking over, as it always did with Lily. "So why'd you go ditching Eddie then, he's got enough <em>character</em>—"</p><p>"—<em>I didn't!</em>"</p><p>He saw the shock flash across her face the moment the words were out of her mouth. James stared at her. <em>Edgar</em> broke things off with <em>Lily? </em>He had assumed (wrongly, apparently) that ending things had been Lily's decision, but he supposed that was probably because he had wanted her so long he could never imagine any bloke voluntarily leaving her side.</p><p>They stood like that for a moment, breathing hard. Then Lily broke the silence, shaking her head as she said, "This is <em>none</em> of your bloody business, Potter."</p><p>"Have I asked you anything?"</p><p>She seethed at him, but apparently she felt the need to save face, because she spat, "It was <em>mutual</em>." Then, with a sigh, she added under her breath, "He bloody beat me to it."</p><p>James felt a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he took a few steps toward her, holding her gaze. "Guess <em>character</em> isn't the be all end all, eh?"</p><p>Lily's hands were balled into fists at her sides, her voice low and menacing when she spoke. "He's still worth ten of you, Potter. And he may not be my boyfriend, but I'll wish he was Head Boy with me every <em>damn</em> day that I do this job."</p><p>Then she turned on her heel, rounded the corner to the hallway, and was gone, the door slamming behind her.</p><p>James gave her a minute's head start, then followed her path back to the Gryffindor common room, his head spinning. How had their conversation on the train been that same day? A weight had fallen off his shoulders at hearing her say she accepted his apology, that she accepted a truce. And then charades, their friends, everyone laughing together—it had felt good, felt <em>normal</em>, to have Lily there as a part of his Hogwarts routine. Not even two hours ago, as the student body had cheered for them, she had given him one of the most genuine smiles he'd ever seen. Hell, he had thought after that afternoon that a real reenactment wasn't seeming that far-fetched after all.</p><p>Well, now that prospect was up in smoke.</p><p>He should have known any good rapport with Lily was too good to be true. There was too much bitterness there on her side, too much resentment on his. He let his anger simmer in his thoughts, feeling more comfortable being angry right now than feeling guilt or regret for pushing her buttons. He didn't know what Dumbledore was playing at, sticking them together—it would be a miracle if they both came out of this year alive.</p><p>He entered the Gryffindor common room to find his friends just as he had left them: Sirius and Peter were playing a heated game of wizard's chess at a table by the fire; Mary sat on the floor, going over Quidditch plays with Ludo and Kingsley; Remus was laying on the sofa, reading through that day's <em>Daily Prophet</em> with his head in Marlene's lap; and Marlene was deep in conversation with Dahlia while absentmindedly combing her fingers through Remus' hair.</p><p>They all turned to look at him as he approached. He ran his hands through his hair, not knowing what to say.</p><p>"She's upstairs already," Mary told him.</p><p>James nodded.</p><p>"She didn't say anything."</p><p>He rubbed his jaw absentmindedly.</p><p>"We're letting her cool off."</p><p>James shrugged.</p><p>Mary gave up any pretense of patience, casting her parchment aside as she got to her feet (with a yelp, Ludo pounced on the pages, some of which had gone dangerously close to the flames).</p><p>"<em>Bloody hell</em>, James, what the <em>fuck</em> happened?"</p><p>James met her gaze, feeling numb. Fighting with Lily was exhausting; her words rang too true, slicing him where it hurt, and she knew it. But his simmering anger was also turning itself into a controlled hostility. He was sick of her berating him for his past when she made no effort to get to know him <em>now</em>. She accused him of strutting around the school when she did the same, her nose in the air with her pompous judgment about things she didn't understand. He wasn't going to run away from her (well, he supposed he couldn't have, even if he had wanted to), and he wasn't going to put up with any of her shit this year, either. Dumbledore had picked <em>him</em>, and though he wouldn't pretend to know <em>why</em> Dumbledore had done that, he was standing his ground. She would just have to deal.</p><p>"You'll have to ask her, Mac," he said, shaking his head as he headed toward the boys' stairs. "I'm fucking done."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Just Back Me Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>"Are you sure don't want to talk about it?" Marlene waved her wand steadily over Lily's hair, contorting it into one of her plait contraptions, though she snuck glances at Lily's face in the floor-length mirror as she worked.</p><p>Lily sighed. "There's nothing to talk about, Marly. We rowed, he's a prat, end of story. Honestly, none of you should be surprised, he and I have rowed for years."</p><p>"Why was he a prat?"</p><p>Lily gave her a pointed look. "Do you really need to <em>ask</em> that question?"</p><p>Marlene sassed her right back. "Yes, because he was nothing but nice to you yesterday."</p><p>A feeling uncomfortably like guilt swirled in Lily's stomach. "Being nice <em>one day</em> doesn't just erase six years of not being nice, Marly."</p><p>Marly squinted at her head. "Tilt your head forward, I want to try wrapping this strand around here." That piece managed, her eyes flicked back to the mirror. "He was nice to you at the Cup too."</p><p>Lily couldn't deny that. "Fine, then being nice <em>two days</em> doesn't just erase six years of not being nice."</p><p>"James has never been <em>mean</em> to you, Lil. He fancied you for ages."</p><p>"That doesn't mean he was nice to everyone else."</p><p>"Would you rather he <em>not </em>be nice to you or something?"</p><p>Lily pursed her lips. Yes? No? Was it possible to want to grab onto his collar and snog him senseless yet also be mistrusting of his sudden personality upgrade and think he was undeserving of the badge to boot? Was it possible to call a truce and yet realize she wasn't really over any of the things said truce purportedly covered? Was it possible to want to be his friend yet want to hate him at the same time?</p><p>Because that had all started going through her head the night before, when he had leaned over the desk and gotten in her face and been close enough to kiss if she hadn't been so blazing angry that he was the one getting his name on that office wall at all, and it was <em>still </em>going through her head that morning.</p><p>But it was futile to try and explain that to her girlfriends, because Marlene saw James with the bias of Remus, and Mary saw James as basically her twin brother, and Dahlia saw James as—well, she wasn't quite sure what Dahlia saw James as, but she figured it was not remotely how Lily saw him, given that they'd been an item for approximately the same amount of time her and Edgar had been.</p><p>He was Insufferable Prat #1, Bane of Her Existence Since First Year, also apparently the object of her lusty fantasy due to his annoyingly unfair attractiveness, and yet she knew full-well he hadn't done a single pratty thing the night before, and that their row was entirely her fault. No, the only thing James had done to piss her off was be picked for Head Boy after a whole Hogwarts career of prattiness, but it's not like he controlled receiving the badge in the mail.</p><p>It just wasn't <em>fair</em>. It didn't make <em>sense</em>. <em>Nothing</em> about him made sense.</p><p>Marlene tied off Lily's braid, holding up a mirror so Lily could see the back.</p><p>"Marly, this is <em>so cool</em>."</p><p>Marlene grinned impishly through the mirror. "It's your first day, Head Girl. Gotta give that Head Boy something to look at, hmm?"</p><p>Lily threw her a dark look. Marlene just simpered back. "You're right, Lil. I'm <em>not </em>surprised. You two have done this for <em>years</em>. You row, you watch each other while avoiding each other, then you banter again, then you row, and the cycle repeats itself. Now, apparently we're just adding <em>flirting</em> into that routine. You rowed, so today you'll watch each other, and then at some point you'll banter again, and then you'll start flirting again, and then you'll row again. Probably over something <em>absurd</em>."</p><p>Lily's mouth hung open. She knew Marlene knew her well, but that was another level of <em>seen</em> that Lily hadn't been prepared for that early in the morning.</p><p>Marlene chuckled as she put on her earrings over Lily's shoulder. "I don't know <em>what</em> it is about you two. You're more alike than you think, you know, Reme and I talk about it all the time."</p><p>"Wha—" Lily spluttered. "I'm not—we're not—"</p><p>"Two of the most headstrong, confident, and intelligent people in this school?"</p><p>Lily clamped her mouth shut.</p><p>Marlene arched her brows at Lily through the mirror. "Thought so."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>At breakfast, Lily avoided James's eye, sitting at the opposite end of their friend group and trying to block the sound of his voice. Partway through, McGonagall swept up the table handing out schedules.</p><p>"Well, I daresay this is quite something," she said, a tone of pride in her voice. "All of you seventh years are taking essentially the same set of N.E.W.T.s."</p><p>"Essentially?" Sirius asked.</p><p>"Yes," McGonagall said plainly over her shoulder, "Miss Evans is taking seven, while the rest of you are taking five."</p><p>Lily met Sirius's eye, his jaw falling. "<em>Seven</em> N.E.W.T.s, Evans?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him but smirked nonetheless. "Same as last year, Black."</p><p>Having survived breakfast, Lily took off with toward the dungeons with the Gryffindors, where they would all be starting their day with Potions. Being seventh years, they were in a special room in the dungeons where potions could be left to simmer for months at a time. It was slightly smaller than the other Potions classrooms but had multiple store cupboards, and instead of the usual desks, it was filled with tables that came to counter-height and stools that swiveled, ostensibly for the ease of sitting down while engaging in long hours of potion-making.</p><p>Professor Slughorn waited for them in the front of the room, bouncing with excitement, no doubt because he had so many of his personal favorites in this class.</p><p>"Welcome, welcome!" he called as they all filed in. "Now, before you all sit down, I am going to do things a little differently this year. Since many of the potions we are going to be working on are more, shall we say, <em>intensive</em>, I'm going to be assigning you <em>partners</em> to help speed things up."</p><p>Lily gave Marlene a sideways glance and saw the rest of the class doing the same; <em>partners </em>and <em>potions</em> definitely seemed like two things that shouldn't be mixed.</p><p>"Let's start with Miss Evans." Slughorn positively beamed at her, and Lily returned his smile; she'd been one of his favorite students for years, and he was one of her favorite teachers, for all his quirks. "You'll be at this table here"—he gestured to the table closest to Slughorn's at the front of the room, and, unsurprised, Lily set her bag down and took a seat—"and, ah, let's see…Mr. Black, you'll be partners with Miss Evans."</p><p>Lily didn't miss Sirius exchanging a raised-eyebrows look with James before wading through the students to the front table, setting his bag down next to hers.</p><p>Slughorn paired off the rest of the students, and it being an even number, he was careful to not cross houses, putting James with Dahlia, Mary with Remus, and Marlene with Peter.</p><p>"Now, then," Slughorn continued, "I told you all last year that we would be spending a good amount of time on medicinal potions this term. Always handy to know how to make, of course, and as I know there are at least a handful of you with ambitions of going into healing, they will be essential to your practice. So! We begin with a right nasty potion if you ever have to drink it, but one that is absolutely essential to healing: <em>Skele-Gro</em>. Has anyone here ever had it?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes as Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter all raised their hands.</p><p>"Ah, well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised," Slughorn said conversationally. "Could one of you describe the taste for your classmates? Mr. Black?"</p><p>Sirius appeared to consider the question for a moment, but then he answered, "Honestly, Professor, I'm pretty sure I chased it with Firewhisky, so I don't really remember."</p><p>Slughorn stared at him for a moment, then threw his head back in laughter as his classmates tittered. "That's the ticket! I dare say, I don't know why I hadn't thought to do that already. Mr. Pettigrew, any thoughts?"</p><p>Peter scratched his chin a moment where he sat across an aisle from James. "Probably like every bad flavor of Bertie Bots all at once."</p><p>Lily couldn't see the face Sirius pulled from behind Slughorn just then, but she didn't miss James immediately put his hand casually in front of his mouth to hide his smirk. Lily bit her lip to try to keep herself from smiling, remembering the hilarity of charades on the train, but then an uncomfortable heat pooled in her stomach as her mind turned toward those other memories of traded whispers, the press of a leg.</p><p>Slughorn grimaced at Peter. "Quite right, m' boy, quite right."</p><p>For another hour, Slughorn lectured on the anatomy of bones and how it related to the properties of the ingredients in the potion. Next to her, Sirius doodled on his parchment while Lily took real notes, but then suddenly he tugged one of the pieces of parchment from behind the page she was writing on, ignoring her quiet scoff as she turned to glare at him, and scribbled in the corner, <em>Friends?</em></p><p>Lily softened; her and Sirius had never been particularly close, but he was close friends with Mary, and that said a lot. Though Sirius was intimidating in his own way, darkly handsome with a resting haughtiness that was hardly inviting for friendly conversation, Lily knew he, like Mary, was fiercely loyal to his friends—definitely someone worth having <em>on</em> your side instead of not. And they <em>were</em> now Potions partners for the year, so she figured it was best to make an effort and stay in his good graces. As she had the reputation for being good at Potions and being a Slughorn favorite, Lily assumed he had reached similar conclusions.</p><p>Throwing him a playful side-eye, she reached over her notes and scrawled back, <em>Sure. </em></p><p>Sirius winked at her. He waited awhile, and then at a particularly boring part of the lecture discussing the importance of Chinese Chomping Cabbage, he pulled the parchment toward him slightly and wrote, <em>Last night?</em></p><p>So<em> that</em> was his ulterior motive here. She should have known. This time her side-eye was decidedly less playful as she promptly scrawled, <em>NO</em> underneath his question. Sirius shrugged, then wrote back, <em>Had to ask</em>.</p><p>Lily saw it but didn't respond, instead tossing her plait over her shoulder and propping her elbow on the desk as she shifted on her stool, turning her back to him.</p><p>She knew they were getting close to the end of the lecture portion when Slughorn brought up the potion's inventor, the part he always saved for last. Lily's spine stiffened, remembering what James had told her about his ancestry the night before. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius reach for the parchment with their notes and scrawl, <em>Make up with J? </em></p><p>Lily felt the flush creep up her neck as she read it, biting her lip. The timing was too impeccable. Did he <em>know</em> what all her and James had talked about the night before? Had James told him…everything? Lily didn't doubt he had.</p><p>She ignored him, focusing on her notes until Slughorn's lecture was over. The sounds of stools scraping against the stone floor echoed throughout the room as she swiftly gathered her loose pages of parchment into a neat stack, tucking them inside her bag before setting her Potions book open to the page on Skele-gro and turning to face Sirius, one hand on her hip. "You take store cupboard, I'll get set up here?"</p><p>Sirius nodded and grabbed the scrap of parchment where he had written down the ingredient list. "Right-o, Evans."</p><p>Lily busied herself with setting up a cauldron and two stations for them to prepare ingredients, which Sirius eventually returned with after Lily spotted him getting sidetracked in the store cupboard with some of their friends. They made little small talk, as they both had to concentrate on chopping their ginseng roots into equally small pieces, and as they worked, Lily heard Slughorn's chatter with the different students as he made his way around all the tables. She had only finished one of her ginseng roots by the time she heard Slughorn strike up conversation with James and Dahlia.</p><p>"Ah, and <em>Miss Fleur-Peri</em>"—Slughorn always said Dahlia's name in a deep sing-song voice, and Sirius snickered beside Lily—"tell me, have you any performances coming up this year?"</p><p>Lily listened as Dahlia caught Slughorn up on her schedule (an audition in November and part of a Christmas company in December) and charmingly allowed herself to be talked into performing at Slughorn's holiday parties.</p><p>"And Mr. Potter, my sincere congratulations on being appointed Head Boy!"</p><p>"Thank you, sir."</p><p>"I'm sure your parents are very proud. Your father still cooking up the odd invention every now and again?"</p><p>"Eh, he tinkers around in his cottage, but if he's made anything, he's been tight-lipped about it. I'll have to write him, tell him we're doing Skele-gro."</p><p>"Oh? Is it of any particular significance to him?"</p><p>Lily thought he knew what was coming next, and she stilled, listening.</p><p>"Just that we're descended from Linfred, on my dad's side."</p><p>"<em>You don't say!</em>"</p><p>"Doesn't want special treatment, my arse," Lily muttered. Sirius gave her appraising look, then turned to watch James converse with Slughorn. Despite herself, Lily also glanced up, just happening to catch Sirius stick his tongue out while miming his hand moving in front of him. James managed to work his grin charmingly into his conversation with Slughorn, but Dahlia slapped her hands over her mouth and had to duck away, overcome with giggles.</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, and her voice came out low and clipped as she said, "And how, exactly, do you expect me to <em>make up</em> with <em>that</em>?"</p><p>Sirius only chuckled.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>After a quick lunch, roughly the same group of seventh years made their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lily could tell the boys were especially prickling with excitement, and even she joined in the collective gasp as they entered the classroom, finding the desks pushed along the sides of the wall, a large circle outlined in bright blue flames taking up the center of the floor. In front of the circle, the blue flames casting colored shadows against his face, stood Professor Dearborn.</p><p>Now, seeing him more close-up, Lily thought he looked even more intense than he had seemed at the feast. One of his eyebrows had a scar running through it, giving his severe look an even scarier effect. His long black hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and both his hair and beard had small sections set in tiny braids. He stood completely still, his arms folded in front of him, his black velvet robes glimmering in the blue flames.</p><p>The students gathered on the opposite side of the fiery circle, and once they were all there, Lily heard the doors shut behind them. Dearborn walked to the podium not far from where he stood and picked up a piece of parchment and a quill before striding through the blue flames and into the circle.</p><p>"Good afternoon." His voice was deep but smooth, and he spoke quietly. "My name is Caradoc Dearborn. I'll do roll and then we can get started."</p><p>He straightened his parchment, then said, "Arthur Avery?"</p><p>From a small huddle of Slytherins on the other side of the fire, a boy with light brown hair and a pointed face stepped forward. "Here." Dearborn surveyed the group of Slytherins for a moment, then nodded, looking back to his parchment.</p><p>"Sirius Black?"</p><p>Lily didn't miss the way Dearborn's eyes flickered initially toward the Slytherins, nor how Sirius seemed to notice the same thing; his resting haughty expression turned up a notch as he said, "Here, sir."</p><p>Dearborn moved his eyes to him, looking him up and down.</p><p>"Thank you, Mr. Black. Edgar Bones?"</p><p>"That'd me be, sir." Dearborn nodded, his eyes only lingering on Edgar a moment before scratching on his parchment and moving on.</p><p>"Amos Diggory?" Amos waved from where he stood next to Edgar.</p><p>"Antonin Dolohov?"</p><p>"Here." Dolohov's voice floated from the Slytherin huddle, where he stood, clearly their leader. Dolohov was as tall as James and Sirius, but he was thinner, his face gaunt but all the more handsome for it, and unlike Sirius, who had similar dark hair that he let fall handsomely into his face, Dolohov wore his hair smoothed back against his head, making his features look even more severe. Dearborn's eyes surveyed Doholov for even longer than they had Sirius.</p><p>Dearborn continued through the rest of the class, barely stopping long at anyone else other than Mary and James, assuming, Lily figured, that he recognized their family names. There was something suspicious about Dearborn, but she couldn't put her finger on it exactly. It was like he was sizing them all up somehow.</p><p>Dearborn rolled up his scroll of parchment, returned it to his podium, and then reclaimed his spot inside the circle of flames. He didn't pace around, but instead stood stock-still, his arms crossed in front of him.</p><p>"I understand that you have now had six years of traditional Defense Against the Dark Arts education. You have learned about dangerous magical creatures, you have memorized jinxes, you have studied curses—and I expect you have probably all picked up your own fair share of common hexes outside of class. Well, now it's time for you to <em>use</em> that knowledge."</p><p>Lily felt Mary's elbow lightly in her ribs, and they exchanged a brief, wide-eyed look.</p><p>"This will be a practical course," Dearborn continued. "The purpose of learning all that you have learned to this point is so that, faced with a dangerous situation, you would know how to defend yourself. You would know what is possible, you would know how to deflect, how to escape. But in reality, playing defense is not, truly, enough. <em>Truly</em> defending yourself means you need <em>offense</em>. Because when you find yourself in a duel in <em>real </em>life, outside the confines of this castle, it won't just be about winning. It will be about <em>survival</em>."</p><p>Dearborn broke his stance then, and began slowly pacing around the edge of the circle, looking them in the eye as he passed. "When it is just you and your opponent, another part of you must take over. To survive, you must become a predator, your opponent, the prey. So that is what we will be practicing this year: not just how to defend yourself, but how to <em>fight</em>. Because they are not one and the same."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, feeling the hush of the class pressing in on her. Dearborn looked straight at the clump of Slytherins as he said, "My only rule for this class is that no Unforgiveable Curse be cast. Any student who does so will be expelled immediately and be subject to criminal charges by the Wizengamot. The Headmaster is already in agreement."</p><p>Dearborn walked to the opposite end of the circle, then turned and spread his arms out in front of him, shaking back his sleeves to reveal hands covered in tattoos and glinting gold rings. Lily hadn't noticed his wand that whole time, but it was suddenly in his hand.</p><p>"Who would like to go first?"</p><p>A ripple of fear spread through the students; Lily could feel the tension about to snap. Hearing a slight rustle down the row from where she stood, Lily looked over to see James pushing his sleeves up over his elbows as he said loudly, "I'll go," and stepped through the blue flames.</p><p>Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him. Once in the circle, it was clear he was as tall as Dearborn, though their professor seemed stockier, bulkier, but in a hardened way—or maybe it was also from his robes, hanging heavy around him; James, in his slim trousers sitting low on his hips, his tucked button-down betraying a fit torso, had a litheness to him. He returned Dearborn's graceful bow, not taking his eyes off him as he did so.</p><p>The whole class seemed to be holding their breath, waiting, as Dearborn and James stared at each other for a moment, and then Dearborn slashed his wand through the air and immediately smiled when James's silent shield charm appeared almost instantaneously to block it. Dearborn shot another silent spell at James, which James parried and immediately followed up with a spell of his own. Dearborn deflected it easily, but Lily saw from his face that he looked impressed.</p><p>"You have fast reflexes, Mr. Potter." Dearborn said softly. James was pacing at his end of the circle, looking like a cat that was waiting for just the right moment to pounce. "But do you have endurance?"</p><p>James responded by hurling a cascade of spells toward Dearborn, which Dearborn countered with equal speed. They were dueling in earnest now, spinning and ducking and sweeping back and forth on their respective sides of the circle. The students' collective gasps soon turned into full-on cheering. From a few people away, Lily could hear Sirius calling out to James from where he stood, hands on his knees, at the edge of the circle. "Come <em>on</em>, Prongs." Lily and her girlfriends had never understood the boys' strange nicknames for each other, but they'd gotten used to them by that point and had all given up asking about them.</p><p>The duel seemed to go on and on. Lily could see James growing tired, his shirt now completely untucked, the sweat starting to bead down his face, but he didn't let up. Suddenly, out of nowhere, James took a hit to his right shoulder, and there was a collective gasp as James cried out instinctively, his wand dropping to the floor. Lily's stomach lurched as she saw the grimace that crossed his face. Dearborn didn't hesitate, but James, no doubt anticipating Dearborn would close in, dove to the ground, missing Dearborn's spell by inches, and got to his feet with his wand in his left hand, sending a backhanded spell at Dearborn that Lily saw Dearborn hadn't expected. James didn't stop, taking advantage of Dearborn's surprise. Lily watched, not even noticing she was grinning, as James advanced on Dearborn, panting hard but still sending spell after spell at Dearborn from his left hand, his momentum building, until suddenly, Dearborn's wand went flying through the air and he raised his hands in surrender.</p><p>Lily clapped and cheered with her classmates, hearing Sirius shout, "'Atta boy, James!" Even Dearborn was smiling as he stood breathing slightly harder than normal, accepting his wand with thanks as Edgar handed it to him, having caught it when James sent it flying through the air.</p><p>Lily belatedly noticed James was the only one not celebrating; he was bent over with his hands on his knees, breathing hard, almost retching, and Lily saw him sway slightly. Lily started, thinking she might go to him, but Sirius had also seen and was already rushing forward through the flames, hooking an arm around James's waist to steady him. A hush fell over the class, so suddenly that Lily could hear Sirius say, "You alright, mate?"</p><p>James could barely manage a shake of his head, his eyes shut, before he retched in earnest. Lily heard the collective "<em>Oh!</em>" as people flinched and looked away, but Lily couldn't tear her eyes from him. He was dry heaving as he tried to brace himself against his knees but seemed to weaken against Sirius, who was holding James tightly, almost completely supporting him.</p><p>In a flash, Dearborn was there, pressing his wand into James' right shoulder; Lily could see his lips move, like he was muttering a string of words under his breath. James was wincing, his breath ragged, as the light from Dearborn's wand glowed deep purple. Then, as the moments passed, the glow lightened to a pale lavender and Lily watched as James seemed to relax, his breathing return to normal. The silence of the class pressed around the room as James slowly stood up, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Lily watched as Sirius stepped back only when he saw James steady on his feet on his own, and James gripped Sirius's arm as he mumbled, "Thanks, Padfoot." A surge of warmth stirred in her stomach at the sight; she knew Sirius was James's best friend, basically his brother, but they were usually always so snarky with each other that it was moving to see this affectionate side of them.</p><p>"Mr. Potter." Dearborn's voice immediately commanded the attention of the whole class. "That was a far better duel than I expected to have today."</p><p>Dearborn began to pace in the circle. "Now, let's deconstruct what you all saw. First, you'll notice that both Mr. Potter and I used predominantly nonverbal spells, the advantage of which, I presume, is obvious."</p><p>It was; Lily had never been so grateful for how hard her and Edgar had worked on mastering nonverbal spells the prior term.</p><p>"Second, the spell I used that hit Mr. Potter's right shoulder is commonly called the Branding Curse. The incantation for this is <em>adflictio</em>. The curse causes a flash of pain, as if you were being branded, where it hits. This is what Mr. Potter would have felt when he cried out and dropped his wand. If the curse is not lifted, the pain continues to mount and spread through the body. I expect, Mr. Potter, that this is what you were feeling just a moment ago?"</p><p>James nodded, his brow furrowed. "It felt like I was burning from the inside."</p><p>Dearborn continued on, his hands clasped behind his back, "Underscoring your closing performance, to be sure. Fighting such level of pain is no easy feat. The counter-curse is the incantation <em>relevium a dolore</em>. You saw how the continued application of the counter-curse lessened Mr. Potter's pain, with that relief of pain shown in the color of the light produced by the incantation."</p><p>Lily stared at James, watching him watch Dearborn as she thought about the level of pain he had been fighting in those moments right as Sirius had rushed out to him. He still looked rather peaked, his shirt completely disheveled, his hair untidier than normal. She felt this odd desire to <em>hug</em> him. Take care of him.</p><p>Which was <em>ridiculous.</em> They weren't even <em>friends</em>. Merlin, what was <em>happening</em> to her?</p><p>"Third, you saw how Mr. Potter switched wand hands when I had disabled his right shoulder. His ability to do so saved him. I admit I had not expected it, and he was able to take advantage of my surprise to create momentum for himself. You will all be practicing working with your opposite wand hand as this class progresses."</p><p>Dearborn paused in the center of the circle, speaking directly to James. "Last, I thank you, Mr. Potter, not only for volunteering, but for showing your classmates what I had been trying to relay at the beginning of class. You did not come in here just to dodge me. You did not merely play at dueling. You came in here to <em>win</em>. When you could have been ended, you fought through the pain, and you managed to launch a calculated attack. I saw the switch happen in your eyes. You were leaving nothing to chance when you came at me."</p><p>A faint smile worked at Dearborn's mouth. "If I were a real foe, Mr. Potter, I dare say I think you would have survived. Fifty points to Gryffindor."</p><p>Lily's eyes widened as she heard the class collectively gasp around them.</p><p>Dearborn continued, "We will pick up next lesson with our next duel. I will draw names so the pairings are random, and we will deconstruct each duel afterwards. You will be required to sit a written exam for your N.E.W.T., for which I will provide you study materials. We will also end summer term with a competition, so keep that in mind as we progress this year. That will be all for today, class dismissed."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The first week back at Hogwarts was tumbling by in a blur. It was already Wednesday, and James was absolutely buried in homework, having picked up substantial assignments in Charms and Transfiguration on Tuesday, plus Herbology and more Potions that day. They had started working on their Skele-gro in earnest, and James had spent much of the class trying to simultaneously concentrate while occupying Slughorn, who seemed to have done some background reading on James's ancestors and was deeply interested in whether James's parents had any of Linfred's original notes in their library. He mentally scolded himself for putting himself in this situation—this was <em>exactly</em> why he had never divulged such things so openly before—but on Monday, fresh off his row with Lily, he hadn't been thinking and had let his spite walk away with him, something that usually only happened with Snape.</p><p>Sighing, he rounded the corner of the Transfiguration corridor, making his way to McGonagall's classroom, which James and Lily were allowed to use for their monthly prefects' meetings. That night would be their first one, which would be all the more interesting for the fact that Lily and James hadn't discussed it—or spoken at all, for that matter.</p><p>James strolled through the door to the classroom, assuming it would be empty, as he was nearly twenty minutes early. To his surprise, Lily was already there, and he swallowed hard as he took her in. She was sitting on a desk at the front of the room, one foot resting on its chair, one bare leg crossed over the other, causing her tartan skirt to hitch up slightly and show a long band of muscle stretch up her thigh. Her usual plait was messy, loose strands falling around her face, and she was engrossed in the parchment in her lap, her hunched position betraying a peak at her curves in the dip of her button-down shirt.</p><p>He supposed he could deal with her being a stuck-up brat to him all year, but <em>why</em> the bloody <em>hell</em> did she have to look so damn sexy while doing it?</p><p>He cleared his throat as he made his way slowly toward the front of the room, her eyes flashing briefly at him in surprise before turning back to her parchment. He leaned back against the desk by hers, facing her as he said, "Hey, Evans." He supposed he probably looked slightly disheveled, as she did; he'd had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows since Herbology that morning, his shirt had been untucked since Potions, and his tie hung loose on his neck below where his top button was now undone, the product of his subconscious meddling all day.</p><p>Looking back up at him, she handed him the parchment that she had been reading. "Here, Potter. The list of all the prefects. There are a few fifth year names I don't know, but everyone else is returning from last year."</p><p>His eyes scanned the list for people he knew. In Gryffindor, Remus and Lily were the seventh-year prefects, with Kingsley Shacklebolt and Adelaide Selwyn representing sixth year. He didn't know the new Gryffindor fifth years, Emmeline Vance and Hugh McClaggan, but there were several names in other houses that he recognized: Edgar and Amelia Bones, along with Amos Diggory, from Hufflepuff; Aiko Chang, Dorcas Meadowes and Barty Crouch from Ravenclaw; and Antonin Dolohov and Regulus Black from Slytherin.</p><p>"Remus didn't come with you?" she asked.</p><p>James shook his head, still perusing the list. "I think he's been in the library with Marly."</p><p>Reaching the end, he handed the list back to her. "So how do you want to run this?"</p><p>She held his gaze for a moment, as if considering whether she wanted to make a smart retort, but she seemed to accept his civility and handed him an agenda from a stack she had next to her before leaning back on her hands.</p><p>James skimmed over it: prefects' code of conduct, patrol schedules, mandatory reporting obligations. "Looks like you have this covered," he told her good-naturedly, trying to keep his gaze at face-level when her button-down shirt gaped teasingly at him. "Maybe I should just—" he pointed his thumb behind him toward the door.</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Just back me up, Potter."</p><p>Remus came in, wandering over to stand between them. Lily handed him an agenda, and he smiled. "Keeping it much simpler than last year, I see."</p><p>Lily sighed. "Seriously, that was <em>awful</em>. I think he only wanted to hear himself talk."</p><p>Remus's eyes twinkled at James. "Be grateful you don't know what we're talking about."</p><p>More students trickled in and, seeing the casual poses of Lily and James, they milled around the desks, some sitting on top of them like Lily was. The Slytherins huddled by themselves in one corner, the rest of the houses generally mingling genially. Kingsley strolled over, flanked by Dorcas and Adelaide, and greeted James with their Quidditch handshake. Kingsley had a similar height and build to James, but was as dark as James was fair, with ebony skin and a deep voice. If James was suave, then Kingsley was <em>cool</em>. He had an easy edginess about him, no doubt helped by his tattoo sleeve that covered one arm and his gold hoop earring.</p><p>As Lily handed them agendas and struck up conversation with Kingsley and Dorcas, Adelaide shifted close to James. She was Lily's height but slender like Mary, with a pointed nose and sculpted cheekbones. Her strawberry blonde hair usually fell in big, tousled curls around her shoulders, but tonight it was pulled back into a stylishly messy ponytail tied up with a Gryffindor-red scarf that matched her lipstick, setting off her full lips from her pale skin. Sirius had once joked to him that all the main girls James had liked fell on a spectrum, with Dahlia being white-blond and dainty on one end, Lily being a vibrant and voluptuous redhead on the other, and Adelaide being an odd mixture of the two. Seeing Adelaide just then, James thought he had to agree.</p><p>She gave James a coy smile. "I heard about your duel against Dearborn."</p><p>Her and the rest of the school. It had been the talk of dinner the first day of class, and it still hadn't fallen out of the Hogwarts news cycle.</p><p>Deciding to just be nice, he smiled back at her. "It was fun. Tough, but fun."</p><p>"Was the pain from that curse really that awful?"</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah, it was brutal. Never felt anything like it."</p><p>She simpered at him through her eyelashes. "Only you could've pulled that off, James."</p><p>He didn't really know what to say to that, but Adelaide started moving away to find a spot with Kingsley and Dorcas anyway. She called lightly over her shoulder, "See you Friday," before turning her back, leaving James to notice how her long ponytail swished behind her, ending at the point where her skirt was folded over at her waist.</p><p>He wrenched his eyes away; Adelaide was a trap. She was a year below him, and he'd known her since before Hogwarts, her mum being friendly with his in the way where they had lunch and then sometimes had each other's families for dinner. Though he knew her well enough, he had generally paid her little mind at Hogwarts.</p><p>That is, until she had seduced him at the beginning of his sixth year, starting at the very party he knew she had been referring to when she mentioned Friday. With the Marauders being residents, Gryffindor Tower had become a rather raucous place to be most Friday and Saturday nights, their classmates not realizing how easy it was to procure crates of Butterbeer, Firewhisky, and bottles of mead when you had money, a certain map, an invisibility cloak, and close friendships with the Hogwarts house elves. This Friday, like last year's first Friday, would be the kick-off. Except last year, Adelaide had planted herself in his line of vision, all red lips and bouncy curls and coy smiles, and, following on the heels of his complete falling out with Lily, Adelaide had been just enough like her to tempt him—until, that is, he <em>really</em> got to know her and realized they couldn't be further apart. Seeing Adelaide's true colors had taken a couple months, though, and in the meantime he had liked her plenty, mostly because she had thrown herself at him and known how to use that mouth of hers.</p><p>It had been all fun and sex until he had simultaneously realized two things: First, that she was out to claim him as her boyfriend like a twisted status symbol, as if he was a prize from another longstanding pureblood family that she was desperate to win and never let go of. And second, that she had been bragging about their private moments in intimate detail, which he learned after Sirius told him he had heard a story floating around about James shagging Adelaide in the library. It was clear in the retelling that Sirius hadn't believed a word of it, and James had thoroughly enjoyed the look on Sirius's face when he had explained that it had occurred in the Divination stacks, not the Restricted Section, and it had been after hours, not when anyone else was in there, but that yes, he had bent Adelaide Selwyn over a desk in the library, clamped his free hand solidly over her mouth to stifle her crying out, and then bit her so hard at the base of her neck to muffle himself that he had broken the skin and she had told Madame Pomfrey that someone's cat attacked her. He also told Sirius the part that Adelaide had clearly left out, being that before she could get to Madame Pomfrey, Mrs. Norris actually <em>had </em>appeared, forcing James and Adelaide to run for it, which ended up in them going a second round in an abandoned classroom, her facing him on the desk this time, only to be caught in the act by Remus and Kingsley on their patrol.</p><p>That second part hadn't really bothered him; it <em>had</em> been good and raunchy with Adelaide, and as she had shared to brag, all that really happened was that he got a reputation for having a certain prowess with girls. The first part, on the other hand, was intolerable, and James had quickly disentangled himself from Adelaide when he had understood her true intentions.</p><p>As James turned to face the room, leaning against the desk next to Lily's, his arms crossed casually in front of him, he caught Adelaide's eye where she stood, one hip popped out, twirling a strand of hair from her ponytail around her finger. Before he could look away, she bit her lip teasingly and winked at him. Yep, Adelaide Selwyn was <em>definitely</em> a trap.</p><p>Right then, Lily hopped off her desk and called, "All right, let's get going so we can get you all out of here!"</p><p>That got everyone's attention. She took attendance, as they had to keep those records for Dumbledore, and James mentally matched new faces with names as they worked through everyone. He didn't miss the smile Edgar gave Lily when she called his name, his stomach twisting annoyingly at the sight.</p><p>Lily moved through the agenda swiftly, making good on her promise to get them out of there in little time, and James thought on the whole that the prefects seemed rather tame—probably eager to get this meeting over with. She covered the prefects' code of conduct, which James had never heard before, and reminded them all that they would need to turn in their signed acknowledgments that week to either her or James; she handed out the upcoming month's nighttime patrolling schedules, instructing them to swap or find subs as they saw fit; and she ran through the reporting obligations, giving them examples of the types of behaviors they needed to report to her or James versus the types they could handle on their own, and also explaining to them what exactly her and James were obligated to escalate to the teachers, all of which James found very helpful to learn himself.</p><p>"I think that covers everything," she finished, setting down her agenda as she leaned back against her desk. "Any questions?"</p><p>"Yeah," Kingsley's low voice rang out from the back, a smile cracking across his face, "is Potter just here as decoration, or…?"</p><p>James laughed with the crowd, then jerked his thumb towards Lily. "Mate, would <em>you</em> talk if you were standing up here next to her?" That garnered more laughter, and even Lily fought a smile as she rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Yeah, I would," came a darkly soft voice from the Slytherin corner. James immediately recognized the voice of Regulus and saw him stepping out from where Dolohov's tall stature had hidden him. "I'd put a <em>Mudblood</em> like that in her place."</p><p>White-hot anger surged through James as he stared at Regulus, sensing the ripple of discomfort among the prefects out of the corner of his eye. Before he could say anything, Lily was stalking through the desks toward him. James saw Regulus falter slightly, as if wanting to retreat from her but knowing that it would look too cowardly. They were of near even height, and Lily was positively bristling. She cocked her head to the side, as if measuring him up.</p><p>"Would you say that if it was just you and me here, Black? Or do you need to have a posse of brainwashed mates behind you in order to dole out insults?"</p><p>Regulus looked like she had slapped him. He looked her up and down, a snarl on his face, and then spat, "You know Hogwarts is going to the dogs when filth like <em>you</em> is put in charge."</p><p>James had started moving the moment Regulus started talking, and he pulled up next to Lily, standing solidly beside her in front of the group of Slytherins, his arms still crossed. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, knowing that versions of how this went down would be all over the school by breakfast.</p><p>"I know you won't apologize for that, so just do us all a favor and <em>shut </em>the hell <em>up</em>, Reg."</p><p>Regulus eyed him up and down. "Come to rescue your favorite little Mudblood, <em>Jamesie</em>?"</p><p>Plain irritation flushed through him, probably because he felt like he had grown up with Regulus in a way, his being Sirius's annoying younger brother. James rolled his eyes as he responded, "She doesn't <em>need</em> rescuing, if you didn't notice. But apparently <em>you</em> do, from being a bloody <em>prick</em>. So shut your fucking mouth and listen to her."</p><p>"Or what?"</p><p>"Or you can answer to me."</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes. "What, Potter, are you going to <em>duel </em>me?"</p><p>The Slytherins tittered. James shrugged, putting off an air of casualness that couldn't be further from how his insides felt. "Sure, if you want. I matched Dearborn the other day, figure I could take you in about…"—he called over his shoulder as he considered Regulus—"what d'you say, Shack, over under 5 seconds?"</p><p>Kingsley materialized behind James and Lily, completing a triangle. "You feeling generous tonight, Potter, or what?"</p><p>"Go ahead," Regulus taunted, spreading his arms out beside him. "Take me down." He lowered his voice into a hiss. "Then you can write Walburga what you've done and see who shows up at Hogwarts for you then."</p><p>James stepped closer to Regulus, ignoring the veiled Death Eater threat as he bent down so their faces were level, their noses almost touching. His voice was quiet, only for Regulus, as he said, a smug smirk playing at his mouth, "I don't <em>need</em> to write <em>your</em> mum, Reg—I can just write <em>mine.</em>"</p><p>Regulus was positively seething, the Slytherins behind him spoiling for a fight. James was triggering Regulus, he knew; the Black and Potter parents had once been friends but had had a falling out, shortly before Sirius ran away from home, that was deeply political. Walburga had been notoriously open about her crazed support for blood purity, advocating that those with Muggle parentage should be refused from Hogwarts. There had been an opening on the Board of Governors, for which Orion Black had been running, but at the last moment, Euphemia had thrown her name in the ring and won by a landslide, showing just how keen people were to keep that seat from Walburga's reach. James remembered Dumbledore coming to their house very late, sitting with his parents in their drawing room for what seemed like hours, the day before his mother had announced her candidacy; he had never told anyone about that, not even Sirius, but he had always known it had been Dumbledore's scheming all along that propelled Euphemia into the quasi-political figure she now was. She was widely respected, now Chairwoman of the Board, she wrote regularly for all sorts of wizarding publications, and people talked about her infamous yet exclusive Christmas Eve party all year round. Meanwhile, the Blacks had sunk into general disfavor, popular only with other Slytherin families as equally obsessed with blood purity and Lord Voldemort as they were.</p><p>When it came to involving their mums, especially on anything related to Hogwarts, James clearly had the stronger threat.</p><p>He knew he needed to just walk away and de-escalate, his old reputation on the line as the prefects observed him as Head Boy for the first time, so he shook his head as he elbowed past Lily and Kingsley and turned back toward the front of the room, trusting his classmates to jump to his defense if Regulus tried to pull something behind him.</p><p>"Alright, this meeting's over," James said loudly, running a hand through his hair. "If anyone else wants to call Evans foul names, I'll be keeping a personal list to turn over to Dumbledore, and you can also expect to be publicly hexed by someone who won't get in trouble."</p><p>Turning back around and looking pointedly at Regulus, he added, "And if <em>you</em> keep acting like an insufferable little <em>git</em>, Reg, I'll write—don't think I won't."</p><p>The scene over, the prefects started to break up and head out of the classroom, the Slytherins being among the first to slink off, hissing as they went. Lily returned to the front of the room next to James, a flush creeping up her chest from confronting Regulus. Remus and Kingsley milled around to chat with them for a few moments before they took off with Dorcas and Adelaide to return to the library. James had pointedly ignored Adelaide's glances and instead found himself in conversation with Barty Crouch, a slight boy with sandy hair from Ravenclaw who, like James, came from a prominent pureblood family and played Chaser. As they were catching up on Quidditch and recounting the World Cup match (Barty had been there in his own family's box), Edgar sidled up to talk to Lily. James inadvertently tensed, somehow still uncomfortable with watching other blokes talk to her, and he focused determinedly on Barty, not wanting to look like he was paying any attention to her and Edgar. They were talking quietly, their voices too low for James to hear even if he had been trying to eavesdrop. After a few moments, Edgar took off, and then Barty clapped James's shoulder heartily and followed him out of the room.</p><p>As soon as they were gone, Lily turned around, her back to James, her face buried in her hands. James heard a sniff and froze; was she…<em>crying</em>? He dragged a hand through his hair. Shit. It had to have been Edgar. James turned in place, trying to think what he should do; comforting a girl over a boy was one thing, but making that girl <em>Lily</em> was something else entirely. Flicking his wand toward the door, he pulled it closed and locked it, figuring that if she was upset, she would at least probably want her privacy.</p><p>"Evans," he said softly, and he thought he saw her start as she hastily started wiping her cheeks, "look, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to about this, but—"</p><p>"You're right, Potter," she threw back, her voice thick, "you literally have <em>no idea</em>—"</p><p>"Actually, Evans, I'm pretty sure I do," James drawled, hardly believing he was doing this, "considering all the time I spent trying to get over you."</p><p>She whirled around, looking bewildered. "What are you <em>talking</em> about?"</p><p>James frowned. "Eddie—what are <em>you</em> talking about?"</p><p>Lily burst into laughter that turned delirious within moments, fanning herself with her hands, new tears of laughter trickling out of her eyes as she dabbed them with her wrist. James stared at her, more perplexed than he had ever been about women.</p><p>"Bloody <em>hell</em>, Potter, I'm not crying about <em>Eddie</em>."</p><p>"You're not?"</p><p>She shook her head, recovering herself. "No, that's"—she waved her hand dismissively toward the door—"that's over and fine, we're—friendly."</p><p>"So why are you upset?"</p><p>She sighed heavily. "Because I'm tired and emotional and I've gotten one too many blood slurs today." Her voice cracked at the end and she turned from him, bringing a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, like she was desperately trying to regain control. James didn't even think, he just went to her, grabbing her arm lightly and pulling her against him.</p><p>"Hey," he said softly, resting his chin on her head as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, "it's okay."</p><p>She sniffed, her face buried in her hands against his chest, and he felt her shaking her head. "No, Potter, it's <em>not</em> okay." Her voice was muffled in her hands. "It's one thing to just call people names, but it's so much <em>more</em> than that. You heard him—now think about all the <em>parents </em>that feel that way, about all the people in the <em>Ministry</em>. This isn't just me getting teased in the hallway, Potter, this is prejudice that affects my whole <em>life</em>."</p><p>James knew she was right. The blood purity mania was picking up traction, and it was headed in a dangerous, divisive direction; he had talked about it at length with his parents all summer, devouring the news they heard that the <em>Prophet</em> wasn't reporting. He gave her a squeeze, gently rubbing up and down her back with one hand while he cradled her head in the other.</p><p>"It's fucked up, Evans, but for every person like Reg, there's someone on our side, too. Probably more, it's just that those Slytherin weasels are louder about it."</p><p>She chuckled at that, and he felt her relax a bit as she leaned against him. James absentmindedly rested his mouth against the top of her head, feeling her hair soft and smooth under his lips, and he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her. He had never hugged her before, and he faintly registered that he had somehow gone from a screaming row to holding her like this within a matter of days. Somehow, he wasn't mad at her anymore. It didn't make any bloody sense.</p><p>She shifted her head against his chest, and without planning to do it, he pressed a kiss softly to the hair just above her forehead. He heard her sharp intake of breath, felt her pull her head back to look up into his face, meeting his eyes steadily.</p><p>"Was that past tense, or present tense, what you said earlier?"</p><p>James didn't understand her question. "What?"</p><p>He could see the tears smeared on her cheeks, clinging to her eyelashes, the smudge of her makeup where she had rubbed her eyes.</p><p>"You said, <em>considering all the time I spent trying to get over you</em>."</p><p>James swallowed hard.</p><p>"Is that past tense, or not?"</p><p>"I don't think my feelings were ever a secret, Evans."</p><p>"That's not an answer."</p><p>James let out a long breath. "Are you really asking me if I'm over you?"</p><p>She nodded and said quietly, "Yeah, I guess I am."</p><p>He released his arms from around her at that, running a hand through his hair before stuffing his fists back in his pockets. "I don't know," he said quietly.</p><p>Her eyebrows raised. "It's a yes or no question, Potter."</p><p>They stared at each other, and James figured, seeing as she had just cried in front of him and let him console her, he owed her the honest truth back. "I thought I was."</p><p>Her face was unreadable, but she nodded, and James knew she heard the unspoken part of that admission.</p><p>She turned to gather her things, wiping her cheeks and eyes in the process, no longer crying. As she slung her bag over her shoulder, she gave him a small smile. "Thanks for backing me up, Potter." And with that, she turned toward the door and was gone.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>As if she hadn't been confused enough by that hug and head kiss situation (she could still feel where his lips had pressed against her hair, like they'd burned straight through her), on top of being annoyingly bothered by how adorably <em>rumpled </em>he was at the end of the school day (<em>how</em> did he manage to look more attractive the more disheveled he got?) and feeling slightly panicky over his veiled admission that he still fancied her (damn Remus and his Top 10 list for getting that right), James did another surprising yet impressive thing on Thursday: he half-carried Edgar Bones to the Hospital Wing at the end of Defense, after Edgar had been slashed to shreds by Dolohov. It had all happened in a blur: they had been evenly matched until the end, when Dolohov's curse whipped out of nowhere, slicing deep gashes across Edgar's skin. Dearborn had immediately called the duel to a halt, no doubt seeing too much blood, and James had rushed immediately to Edgar, seeming to act completely on instinct, getting his arms under Edgar's falling body just before he hit the floor.</p><p>Lily's insides had already been writhing at her recognition of Dolohov's curse—one Severus Snape had made up and showed her the year before—and then she had felt another lurch at the strange sight of James, the boy she had fantasized about, helping Edgar, the boy she had dated. She knew they had had a frostier relationship last year, had gathered from James's demeanor and Edgar's offhand comments that they weren't as friendly as they had been before, and they had all known it was really because of her. But, in true Gryffindor form, all that fell by the wayside to the common enemy of Antonin Dolohov. Lily had almost felt emotional as she watched James loop Edgar's arm around his shoulders, his shirt and face and glasses already smeared and sprayed with Edgar's blood, while Dearborn slowed the bleeding just enough so Edgar could stay conscious and be led to the Hospital Wing.</p><p>Now, she sat at her desk in the Heads' office, thrumming her fingers anxiously, unable to focus on her homework without knowing how they both were, as they had both missed dinner.</p><p>The swing of the office door drew her eyes sharply up, and moments later James came into her field of vision, Edgar's blood still splattered across his shirt, though the flecks on his face and glasses had been cleaned away.</p><p>"Shit, Potter—"</p><p>He shook his head, dropping his bag on his desk. "I'm fine. He's fine. That was a nasty slashing curse."</p><p>The word was barely a whisper on Lily's mouth. "Sectumsempra."</p><p>James looked up at her sharply, eyes narrowed. "What'd you say?"</p><p>She bit her lip, then figured she probably owed it to him to tell him, since he had just half-carried her ex-boyfriend to the Hospital Wing and gotten covered in his blood over it.</p><p>"The incantation is Sectumsempra. Sev made it. <em>For enemies</em>, he said."</p><p>"Snape—that git <em>invented</em> that spell?"</p><p>Lily nodded. "I'm sure that's where Dolohov got it."</p><p>James swore under his breath, hands on his hips. "How'd you know about it?"</p><p>Lily shrugged. "We still talked occasionally last year. He told me about it to brag, like he was trying to win me back over. He actually said…Well, I won't say what he said. But he made it with you in mind, I think. That's why he called it his curse for enemies."</p><p>James was staring; he looked almost flattered that his archenemy would make a curse especially for him. "For—for me? He made that curse <em>for me?</em> Last year? And I've never seen it until now?"</p><p>Lily flushed. "Er, no. He didn't actually use it on you."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Does it matter? He hasn't."</p><p>"Why not, Evans?"</p><p>She glared at him, feeling the heat rising over her cheeks. "Because I told him not to."</p><p>James looked dumbfounded. "You—you told him not to."</p><p>Lily nodded.</p><p>"And he…listened?"</p><p>She nodded again. "I—I sort of freaked out on him when he showed me. He did it to a rabbit he had caught in the forest." Her eyes started welling up, the cruel memory still etched in her brain. "He was so fucking <em>proud</em>. He ripped that rabbit to shreds in seconds, and then he told me that was why it was for enemies, and I asked if that meant you, and he admitted to it, and I—I <em>skinned</em> him. Well, verbally. I threatened to tell Dumbledore if he <em>ever </em>used it at school, on <em>anyone</em>. And then I—I also may have told him that if he used it on you, he'd have to answer to me. Because even though I hated you too, I was allowed to curse you since I was your Housemate, but I couldn't let him hurt another Gryffindor."</p><p>James was looking at her like she had just proposed marriage to him, that wide, crinkle-eyed grin spreading across his face. "You fucking defended me to Snape?"</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"You put <em>Gryffindor</em> ahead of your <em>dislike</em> for me?"</p><p>She swallowed thickly. "Yes again?"</p><p>"And you never told me this <em>why</em>?"</p><p>"It never seemed relevant, I guess."</p><p>James was still smiling. "You know, I might've hated you less last year if I'd known that."</p><p>Lily gave him a small smile. "Well, now you don't have to hate me at all, Potter."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>She shrugged. "Yeah."</p><p>"And why's that?"</p><p>"Because we're—"</p><p>James arched his brows. "We're what?"</p><p>Lily stalled. She didn't know how she had intended to end that sentence. What did you call someone you had called a truce with but then rowed with but then gotten along with again? Someone who had fancied you and wasn't over you? Someone you didn't mind not being over you? Who had hugged you and kissed your head and now that was all you could think about?</p><p>"Maybe…we can be—friends? For once?"</p><p>A raw look passed over his face; something almost like care, or maybe like longing. His voice was quiet when he said, "Yeah, Evans. We can be friends."</p><p>Lily smiled. A strange warmth was swirling in her stomach from that look.</p><p>Not one to be overly sappy, Lily held up her Charms book. "Help a mate with notes?"</p><p>In her own first test of Head Girl duties, Lily had missed Charms that morning to help a first year who initially just seemed lost but then turned out to be Muggle-born and extremely homesick; Lily had told James and the rest of their friends about it at lunch, and Marlene had gone over to the girl and introduced herself as Lily's friend, positively making the girl's day to be welcomed by another popular seventh-year girl.</p><p>James grinned, back to his usual cheery self, all trace of potential sappiness gone, as he grabbed his bag and then started dragging his chair over next to hers.</p><p>"Only because you missed class for being such a dutiful Head Girl," he chided.</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "No one told me this job would be three-fourths fucking babysitting."</p><p>James chuckled. "Am I a better babysitter than you, Evans?"</p><p>"Honestly, Potter, I bet you would be."</p><p>He sat in the chair, pulling out his notes from the bag at his feet. Lily shifted, tucking a leg under her, feeling that fluttery feeling in her stomach pick up speed as she realized how close they were now that he was pulled up to her desk.</p><p>"Okay, it's this one." He set a sheet of parchment on the table. Lily picked it up, squinting at it.</p><p>"Potter, this looks like code." She turned the parchment to the side, as some of the writing was oriented in other directions, cramped around random doodles, including one of a sprawling octopus in the corner, which actually had decently good detail. "What the fuck?"</p><p>James laughed, leaning back in his chair with his hands laced behind his head. "I never promised my notes were <em>good</em>."</p><p>"Well, you'll have to explain them to me first, I literally don't even know what to do with this."</p><p>Setting the parchment back on the desk, she looked up at him then to find him already watching her—and she also noticed, catching a faint whiff from being more up-close now, how bloody his shirt was.</p><p>"Merlin, you're still all bloody. Here, let me try to get this out."</p><p>"It's fine, I can toss it."</p><p>"Well, I can smell it, and I'd rather not have to look at it, so let me try, alright?"</p><p>He unlaced his hands from behind his head, then began undoing his tie, pulling it through his collar and balling it up into his bag, before sitting back in the chair, forearms resting on the arms of the chair. Lily vaguely wondered at what point of the school day he rolled up his sleeves, or whether he just did it when he got dressed in the morning, because she couldn't think of a time when she saw them all the way down.</p><p>"Be my guest."</p><p>Lily picked up her wand, then leaned slightly closer to him, muttering under her breath and tracing her wand around the patterns of blood over his chest, his shoulders, his biceps. The smaller, lighter splashes were obviously easier; the bigger, more saturated spots took more effort, only slowly fading to a dark pink color. James didn't say anything as she worked, just watched her, propping the side of his face with his fingers.</p><p>A big bloody spot near his abdomen still needed doing. He must have sensed her hesitation, because he reached down and pulled his shirt from his trousers, holding the bottom out in front of him so she had a flat plane of fabric to work with. She concentrated on getting as much of the blood out as she could, feeling his eyes on her. Eventually, she let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.</p><p>"Well, I think that's as good as I'm going to get it. I've never been great at these domestic little charms, that's more Marlene's thing."</p><p>James chuckled softly. "Yeah, she's pretty good at those." He reached out and ran his fingers lightly over the braid hanging down her shoulder. "She does these everyday, doesn't she?"</p><p>Lily's breath caught in her throat. "Er, yeah. She does. How'd you know that?"</p><p>James shrugged, letting go of her hair and adjusting in his chair. "Mac probably mentioned it."</p><p>"Right."</p><p>"So can you bear the sight of me now?"</p><p>Lily opened and closed her mouth, distracted by how the soft firelight in the room made his eyes look almost gold behind his glasses.</p><p>"Evans?"</p><p>"Er—sure."</p><p>"Blood smell is gone?"</p><p>Oh yeah—that was why she had started cleaning him in the first place. Why he asked her about bearing the sight of him. All the blood. She needed to get a grip.</p><p>"Yes, I can focus now. But you may still have to chuck that shirt."</p><p>He smiled at her, then reached for her Charms book on the desk, flipping it open with deft fingers to the section on the Bubble-Head Charm.</p><p>"I'll just walk through Flitwick's lecture, and then I think my notes will make more sense, yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah, okay." Lily pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment and dipped her quill into her inkwell.</p><p>James turned out to be a very good tutor. Lily didn't take true notes, but she did keep an outline of what he went through, noting what information came from the book that she could copy, and what information came from James's notes. He was right; once he told her about the theory of the Charm and showed her the equations in the book, his scribbled notes that looked like code before did make more sense.</p><p>"The theory side on this one involves a lot of maths, which probably won't matter to you, you're good at that stuff, but you should've seen the looks on some people's faces." James smiled at her, then pointed at the illustration in the book, surrounded by small equations, as he explained, "It all comes down to oxygen, because the Charm essentially works by bringing in oxygen from the outside environment while excluding all other elements. It's constantly recalibrating. So if you're underwater, the Charm is reacting to the depth and water pressure around you to be able to provide you a continuous oxygen supply."</p><p>Lily nodded, following along. "Makes sense."</p><p>"We're supposed to practice over the weekend. You know how Flitwick likes his little incentives—he said he got Filch's permission to set off Dungbombs in the classroom so we'd all feel more pressure to get the Charm right."</p><p>Lily giggled. "I think I'd rather jump in the lake and try to swim to the bottom."</p><p>"Yeah, you and me both."</p><p>James turned the parchment, pointing to a couple of scrawled words by one of the doodled octopus' tentacles. "Incantation is <em>Spirus Perpetuous</em>." He pointed to a squiggle Lily had ignored earlier. "Wand movement is this—looks like the outline of an octopus, see?"</p><p>"Ohh." Lily turned the parchment back and forth, comparing his doodle to the squiggle and then to the illustration of the hand movement in the book. "You know, Potter, I think I'm starting to understand how your brain works."</p><p>She looked up and met his eye then, finding him watching her, a faint smirk playing at his lips. They were closer than Lily had thought, both having been leaning over her desk to look at book and parchment, and Lily thought James's eyes flicked to her lips briefly before he pulled back, saying, "Not gonna lie, that's a little scary, Evans," as he reached down into his bag for his wand.</p><p>"So it goes like this." And with a wave of his wand so quick Lily didn't even track the movement's shape, she suddenly saw a bubble extending from her nose and mouth and expanding and contracting as she breathed.</p><p>She thought she was saying, "Shit, this is crazy!" but instead she heard only a series of gurgling sounds.</p><p>James laughed. "Might've forgot to mention you can't talk inside the bubble. The Charm works sort of like gills, so the side-effect is it takes your voice. You have to mime when you're underwater."</p><p>Lily drew her hand over her throat, hoping that was sufficient communication for Take This Damn Bubble Off.</p><p>Smiling at her, James cast a simple, "<em>Finite</em>," and the bubble was gone.</p><p>"How did you learn to do it so fast?"</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair. "Er, we sort of taught ourselves last year."</p><p>"We?"</p><p>"Sirius and I. We, ah, actually did try swimming to the bottom of the lake."</p><p>Lily's eyes went wide. "And did you? Get to the bottom?"</p><p>James shook his head. "No, that sucker's deep. We stopped when we saw the Merpeople village in the distance, which took us about an hour to get to, and then turned around."</p><p>"That's <em>insane</em>. Like, cool insane, not crazy insane. Although you two <em>are</em> also crazy."</p><p>That he had taught himself material a year's out in the curriculum was also one of the sexiest things Lily had ever heard. And while she wanted to scold herself for thinking of him and the word sexy in the same sentence, just then, seeing his mussed hair, his golden eyes, his faint dimple, knowing he was spending his evening going over Charms with her when he had his own homework to do, his own Quidditch trials to plan—she couldn't do it. Because in that moment, he bloody was.</p><p>The force of the realization seemed to knock the wind out of her, but if James noticed, he didn't acknowledge it. He only smiled at her and said, "Ready to try it? Come on, Bubble me."</p><p>Lily snorted, then took a deep breath and waved her wand in the octopus shape as she silently repeated the incantation in her mind. Instantly, actual bubbles started pouring out of James' mouth, and she could see the surprise on his face as he tried to talk and more bubbles just streamed out into the air. Lily clamped a hand over her mouth, overcome with laughter, and then finally managed to cast the general counter-spell to take the charm off.</p><p>James coughed, breathing hard, as he leaned against the back of his chair, hands over his stomach. "Shit, Evans. I'm supposed to be able to <em>breathe</em>, not get <em>suffocated</em>."</p><p>"I'm sorry," she wheezed, "I'm so sorry."</p><p>He cleared his throat. "Don't suppose you have anything you can transfigure into a drink, do you?"</p><p>"Well…" Lily reached into one of the drawers of her desk, pulling out a bottle of Butterbeer. "I did stick this in here. In case of emergencies, you know."</p><p>His eyes twinkled at her. "Give it—this <em>is</em> an emergency. I almost just <em>died</em> by choking on fucking <em>bubbles</em>."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes at his melodrama, but uncorked the bottle with her wand and handed it to him. He kept his eyes on her as he sipped, still leaning back in his chair.</p><p>She was slightly perturbed. "Why are you looking at me like that?"</p><p>He waved the bottle in a shrug. "Just never expected you to be the secret stash type, Evans."</p><p>"Yeah, well, Ancient Runes will do that to a girl."</p><p>James set the bottle on the desk, leaning forward again, fully recovered from his bubble attack. "I think it was your wrist."</p><p>"My wrist?"</p><p>"Yeah. You need to loosen up, Evans."</p><p>"Oh, har har. Very funny."</p><p>He just grinned at her and reached for her wand hand with his own. Lily sucked in a shallow breath at his touch. His grip was firm, the pads of his fingers soft, though she could see callouses on his palms, no doubt from Quidditch. He pressed into her wrist, rolling gently with his fingertips, in a way that caused her wrist to roll back and forth in its joint.</p><p>"The movement comes from here," he said softly, controlling her wrist like a marionette. "You were a little too straight with your lines. You have to hit the curves—remember the Charm is about bending the elements. It's delicate."</p><p>Lily felt her whole hand and arm relax under James's prodding fingers. She watched the sight of their hands together, then looked up to meet his gaze. A muscle twitched in his jaw.</p><p>"Ready to try again?"</p><p>It took her a moment to realize he was talking about the Bubble-Head Charm and not about retrying their drunken almost-kiss, which was the first place her mind had gone.</p><p>"Er, yes. Thanks."</p><p>He leaned back in his chair. "Hit me."</p><p>It took her a few more tries to get past the spewing bubbles issue, which she countered quickly, but she eventually got it, giving James a filmy bubble over his nose and mouth that expanded with each breath. He grinned underneath the bubble, and he gave her a thumbs-up with both hands. His smile was contagious; Lily felt herself beaming as she removed the bubble from his face.</p><p>"Knew you'd get it in no time, Evans." James reached out and tugged her braid gently. "Your nose'll be Dungbomb-free come Tuesday."</p><p>"For which I am extremely grateful."</p><p>James nodded towards his notes. "Just leave those on my desk whenever you're done, yeah? It's not like I'll be looking at them before class."</p><p>He reached down toward his bag, like he was getting ready to get up.</p><p>"Potter—"</p><p>Her reach for his knee felt instinctive; she hadn't even consciously thought to do it. He turned back to look at her.</p><p>"Thank you," she told him softly.</p><p>James looked puzzled. "It's just notes, Evans."</p><p>"First off, that wasn't just notes, we've been here over an hour. But not just that—for all of it. For today, in Defense. And for yesterday. After—"</p><p>"You don't have to thank me for any of that—"</p><p>"Well why wouldn't I?"</p><p>He arched a brow at her, leaning an elbow on the desk so his torso was oriented more in her direction. "Because that's what <em>friends</em> do, Evans."</p><p>"Right."</p><p>James looked amused. "Something you want to say?"</p><p>Yes. "N-not particularly."</p><p>"Any reason why your hand is still on my knee?"</p><p>Only because she had completely forgotten it was there. Lily whisked her hand back but James's reflexes were faster, and he caught her hand in his. She was too stunned to pull away, just watched stupidly as his fingers threaded between hers. She looked up at him, and for a moment, their eyes locked. Time seemed to slow down, even her breath in slow motion. His eyes flitted between hers, lingering at her lips a fraction of a second longer this time.</p><p>And then it was over. He was pulling away, his hand disentangled from hers before she noticed he was moving, and he was gathering his bag at his feet, pushing himself up to standing, dragging his chair back toward his own desk.</p><p>Her voice came back to her when he was a safe several feet away. "Potter, what <em>was</em> that?"</p><p>He settled in his chair, then leaned against its high back, a mischievous smirk playing at his lips. "Did I misread the moment, Evans?"</p><p>Her mouth opened and closed like a fish. His smile was far too smug.</p><p>She spluttered, "We're Head Boy and Girl."</p><p>James arched a brow. "And?"</p><p>Lily sighed, biting her lip. James was watching her expectantly. Before she could overthink it, she said, "And I—I did have something. To say."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"I…owe you an apology."</p><p>His brow furrowed. "For what?"</p><p>She gave him a pointed look. "For the last time we were in here together? And I screamed at you?"</p><p>"Ah. That."</p><p>"Yes. <em>That</em>. I need to apologize."</p><p>His lip twitched in a smile. "Didn't know that word was in your vocabulary, Evans."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Will you just let me get this over with?"</p><p>James rested his chin in his palm, his finger framing his face. Lily took that as her cue to go on, and she took a deep breath. She had been turning it over in her mind all day, progressively rehearsing it more and more, and now that the moment was finally here, the words tumbled out.</p><p>"Look, Potter, I'm sorry I freaked out on you. It was unfair. It's just…being in here. Having that announcement at the feast. Seeing this <em>wall</em>. Being around Eddie and Remus all last year. You have to understand that it looks like you don't work for a <em>single fucking thing</em> you get. And you get <em>everything</em>. You spent most of your Hogwarts life being a <em>prat</em>—which you <em>fully</em> admitted on the train, don't look at me like that—and what I said about you strutting around this school like you own it is <em>definitely</em> true. I mean, have you even gone a<em> week</em> without a detention? And then somehow you pull out great grades—Remus told me you got three O's in that bloody Top 10 list he sent me—<em>and</em> you're Quidditch Captain, and <em>then</em> you get Head Boy when there's other blokes who have been working five times as hard as you?"</p><p>James's voice was quiet as he cut over her. "You think I don't know all that, Evans? You really think I haven't thought about that every day since I got that fucking letter? I meant what I said. I wish it <em>had</em> been Eddie. This isn't my schtick in the slightest. I'm good at what I'm good at, and I own that, but this doesn't make any sense to me either."</p><p>Lily nodded. "Well, I need to take back something I said."</p><p>James smirked softly. "And which bit's that?"</p><p>Lily winced slightly as she said, "The part about wishing Eddie was Head Boy every day I did this job?"</p><p>His eyebrows lifted in surprise, and Lily held his gaze.</p><p>"Yesterday. With Regulus. You controlled that <em>whole situation</em>. You controlled <em>him</em>." She shook her head in disbelief, reliving it in her mind. "Eddie never could've done that. Remus either. And…I dunno, Dumbledore had put this little thing in his letter about choosing students he wanted to lead the school during times like this, and when I was watching you on Wednesday, I thought about that, and it just…made sense."</p><p>He looked a little like he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not.</p><p>"You're…commanding. You just have this <em>presence</em>. And you were so focused on what you were doing, you didn't see everyone else, but fuck, the looks on their <em>faces</em>. You could've called them all to arms against the Slytherins right then, and they would have listened to you. Same with today. You were the only one to rush out there to help Eddie, you saw what Dolohov was doing before any of us, and you just—took control. People <em>follow</em> you. They pay <em>attention</em>. And I know I've gotten on your case about being a prat and breaking rules, which I am still completely justified in doing and not over, by the way, but when it comes down to…right versus wrong, you know, important stuff—you don't fuck around."</p><p>She paused, biting her lip, slightly afraid to say the next part.</p><p>"Yesterday, I was glad it was you. Today, I'm glad it's you. I think I'm still—I dunno, reconciling it. You've been an annoying prat for six years and you don't deserve that badge one bit on paper, but I—I'm glad it's you who's there to back me up, Potter."</p><p>He stared at her, something like wonder and affection mixed on his face.</p><p>"Can you—can you say something now, please?"</p><p>His voice was soft. "I'm glad it's me too, Evans." A sly smile worked its way slowly across his face. "Even if it does mean putting up with your temper."</p><p>Lily smiled sheepishly. "You don't seem to mind it when it's aimed at other people. Didn't you just tell me how much you valued an <em>aptitude for telling off</em> and a <em>strong textbook chuck</em>?"</p><p>He grinned, and Lily could tell he recognized his own words thrown back at him.</p><p>"Touché."</p><p>Lily pulled her Alchemy book from her pile, flipping to the chapter she needed to read as she grumbled, "Yes, well, I can admit when it gets the better of me, even if it takes me awhile."</p><p>James was opening his Herbology book and rifling through pieces of parchment he'd stuffed in its pages. "I appreciate that, Evans. Add this to the list of desirable qualities in a badge partner."</p><p>Lily peered up at him through her lashes. "What, a <em>nice ego stroke</em>?"</p><p>He peered back over his glasses, his mouth twitching in a smile. "I was thinking more along the line of <em>ability to admit when acting like an insufferable brat</em>, but I'll take a nice ego stroke, too."</p><p>She glared at him a moment, then looked back down at her book. "Don't push your luck, Potter."</p><p>Smirking, he returned to Herbology, and they studied in companionable silence.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Only Because You Pulled The Last Year Card</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Though she had just done the Alchemy reading the night before, Lily didn't remember any of it, and as she sat through Alchemy lecture that morning, she wasn't sure anything was sinking in there either, as she was still replaying that <em>hand-hold</em> (whatever <em>that</em> was) from the night before. Next to her, Dahlia stifled a yawn. Interestingly, this was the only class in which Lily and Dahlia were the only Gryffindors; it was an obscure elective and had drawn a small assortment of students, mostly Slytherins.</p><p>Things with Dahlia had been surprisingly (or not so surprisingly?) fine since they'd gotten back to school. Lily hadn't talked to her one-on-one, so there had been no discussion of the whole I-drunkenly-gushed-about-your-ex-boyfriend thing, but her and Dahlia had been pleasant and even made more small talk than usual, which Lily didn't question.</p><p>Suddenly, Dahlia slipped a piece of parchment on her desk. <em>Can barely keep my eyes open, having this first period Friday is the worst. Compare notes later?</em></p><p>Lily caught Dahlia's eye and smiled, then wrote back, <em>Definitely. Don't think I've retained a single thing.</em></p><p>Dahlia waited a few minutes, then passed the parchment back. <em>J and I decided to do Potions on Sundays. You and S want to join?</em></p><p>Lily looked over at Dahlia. Though she claimed to be tired, her eyes were twinkling, and she had that signature elfish smirk on her face.</p><p><em>Sure</em>.</p><p>After Alchemy, Dahlia departed for Herbology, which the rest of their friends took, and Lily made her way up a floor for Ancient Runes. The classroom was still filled with dawdling fourth years, and Lily leaned against the wall as she waited.</p><p>"Hey, Lily."</p><p>She looked up, seeing Garrytt Ollivander, a seventh-year Ravenclaw, pull up next to her.</p><p>"Hey, Gare."</p><p>Just then, a small clump of fourth-year girls passed by, whispering and giggling as they saw Garrytt. Some of their backward glances gave Lily an uncomfortable feeling; she wouldn't be surprised if she heard rumors about them by dinner.</p><p>Because Garrytt was a heartthrob, but not in the same way that James and Sirius were. He had thick, wavy brown hair that came to his chin and seemed to always hold its style, and he had equally dark brown eyes under thick, expressive eyebrows. He was beautiful in a broody sort of way, quiet, reserved, always preferring to stay out of the spotlight. Lily supposed that having such a famous dad was probably somewhat awkward for him. And though he played Beater for Ravenclaw, he didn't fit the same Quidditch player mold that James and Sirius did—he didn't carry himself like an athlete, somehow, almost like he was trying to distance himself from the sporty boyishness of his peers. He was also bloody brilliant, but that sort of went without saying.</p><p>Lily had actually had a brief dalliance with him in fifth year, when he was rebounding off of a relationship with a girl a year older than him, but as he had still been hung up on that sixth-year, it hadn't really gone anywhere. They had remained friendly, though, having nearly all of the same classes. Like her and Edgar, Garrytt was taking seven N.E.W.T.s, including that day's Ancient Runes.</p><p>His voice was smooth, honeyed. "How's the first week back been for you?"</p><p>"Eventful," Lily answered honestly.</p><p>Garrytt chuckled softly. "Yeah, I imagine head duties keep you pretty busy."</p><p>"You have no idea," she said dryly.</p><p>Just then, Edgar walked up, looking good as new, and Lily pulled him into a friendly hug.</p><p>"Eddie! I'm so glad you're alright, that curse yesterday was <em>awful</em>."</p><p>Garrytt shook his head, clapping Edgar on the shoulder. "It was hard to watch, man. Dolohov's a piece of work."</p><p>Edgar shrugged. "It was all a blur for me, to be honest. It's a good thing Potter has a strong stomach, sealing up all those gashes was a nasty business."</p><p>Garrytt frowned. "Why, what'd you have to do?"</p><p>Edgar grimaced. "Well, first we had to clear all the wounds, which was right painful. A couple of the gashes on my arms went all the way to the bone, and then one on my abdomen was pretty deep as well, you could see…stuff. Pomfrey had some special potion and a cream and I don't even know what she all did, I just had a towel in my teeth and held onto Potter's hands so hard I'm sort of surprised I didn't break his fingers."</p><p>Lily blinked at Edgar. "He…he held your hands?" Lily had assumed he'd stayed at the Hospital Wing based on how he had showed up to their office, but she hadn't spared much thought to what actually went into putting Edgar back together.</p><p>Edgar nodded, giving her a small smile that seemed to have some extra meaning given the prior year. "Yeah. He helped Pomfrey with my shirt and then kept me still and kept my hands out of the way for her. It was fucking excruciating, but he cracked jokes the whole time, so that helped a little."</p><p>Lily didn't know what to say. A warm feeling was swirling in her stomach, something that seemed to solidify what she had told James the night before. He could just <em>handle</em> things. It was leadership in a different way than Lily'd ever thought about it before. How had Dumbledore <em>seen </em>that?</p><p>Edgar peeked around the classroom door. "Think we're clear."</p><p>They wandered inside, and Garrytt took the seat next to her, with Edgar on the other side. They were surrounded in short order by their only other fellow seventh-years for that class: Aiko Chang and Pandora Lovegood, an eccentric but exceptional witch also in Ravenclaw.</p><p>The lesson positively broke her brain, and she wasn't the only one: Edgar looked glassy-eyed and even Pandora's brow was furrowed as she looked back over the sheafs of parchment she'd scrawled over. As they all were gathering their things, Edgar asked, "Say, since there's only five of us, should we have a study group? Maybe get together once a week to help, er, puzzle our way through this?"</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>," Aiko said emphatically.</p><p>Lily laughed and agreed. "<em>Please</em>. I don't know if I'll survive these translations on my own."</p><p>Edgar grinned. "What night works for everyone?" Then, looking at Aiko, he added, "I haven't set practices yet."</p><p>Aiko shook her head. "Me either. Let's just pick a night, and we can always change it later. Tuesdays? It'll be fresh and we can work on the Friday translations together?"</p><p>Pandora nodded. "Perfect."</p><p>Garrytt caught Lily's eye as he said, "I'm in."</p><p>Their group dispersed outside the door, everyone headed to common rooms to switch books before lunch, but Garrytt touched Lily's arm lightly.</p><p>"Hey, Lily."</p><p>She eyed him curiously. "What's up?"</p><p>Garrytt took a step closer to her, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He looked almost…<em>nervous</em>.</p><p>"Gare?"</p><p>He bit his lip for a moment, then asked, "Would you—maybe—want to try…going out again?"</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Lily's mouth fell open, her heart suddenly hammering in her chest in sheer shock. She had been asked out many (<em>many</em>) times over the years, but it never got any less nerve-racking.</p><p>"I—" She closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again to find him watching her, a slightly-nervous, slightly-amused look on his face. "That was unexpected."</p><p>He smiled at her, looking down at his feet a moment before meeting her gaze as he shrugged and said, "Timing wasn't right for us before. But I still think you're amazing, and we're both finally <em>actually</em> single at the same time, and…Look, no pressure. I just thought maybe we could hang out for awhile on the next Hogsmeade Saturday. Spend some time together that doesn't involve class, you know?"</p><p>"So…are you asking me on a <em>date</em> date, or like a…<em>friend</em> date?"</p><p>Garrytt chuckled. "Whatever you're comfortable with, Lily." His gaze seemed to soften as he looked at her, and his voice was a notch lower as he added, "Although I wouldn't be opposed to repeating that afternoon by the lake either."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard. She remembered. It had been early in summer term their fifth year, and they had snuck away to a secluded spot that was shrouded by some trees. It was the time they had fooled around, and despite the fact that his, well, <em>effort</em> had been a little lazy, his kisses had been delicious. Sixteen-year-old Lily had swooned when he had asked her out and been decently disappointed when she realized he was really just wanting a rebound, though he had been as nice about it as he probably could have been. For awhile, she had even wondered if they would rekindle their fling once sixth year started back up, but then she got sucked in by Chuck Davies, and he started dating Amelia, and then Lily started dating Edgar, and in a strange way, they had become decently good friends from being around the Bones siblings so much.</p><p>She had been so consumed by James the past week, but was that because of <em>James</em>? Or was that because of the shock of learning he was Head Boy after the shock of getting drunk with him at the World Cup and then being pressed in from all sides from their friends' constant questioning and prodding? Sure, she felt some strange, lusty tension with him, but who wouldn't when he looked like that? And surely she'd feel the same lusty tension with Garrytt once she was around him more—when he looked like <em>that</em>, how could she not? She had liked him before; <em>wanted</em> him before. The memories were a little hazy with the passage of time, but she could still recall those sensual kisses in empty classrooms, her hands in that hair as he leaned over her on the bank.</p><p>It wasn't like she was signing up for a <em>relationship </em>with him. It was just…hanging out. Just…to see. Besides, no matter what strange tension was going on with James that made her wonder what it'd be like to get her hands in <em>that</em> hair, it's not like she was going to <em>date</em> him. They were Head Boy and Girl, for Merlin's sake. That would be entirely unprofessional. Not to mention absurd, because even if they <em>were</em> making an effort to be <em>friends</em> and good <em>badge partners</em>, and just happened to maybe want to shag each other, that didn't mean she <em>liked him</em> liked him.</p><p>Lily bit her lip. "How about we start with just hanging out for awhile in Hogsmeade?"</p><p>Garrytt smiled at her, then reached out a hand to grip her arm lightly, running his thumb over her shoulder. "It's a date. See you later, Lily."</p><p>He turned in the direction toward Ravenclaw Tower, and Lily went the opposite way, heart still racing in shock over what had just transpired.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Arithmancy was her favorite class. Yes, Lily knew she was nerdy beyond measure. But something about it was soothing, and Lily had always vaguely thought it could be because maths were a connection to the Muggle world, one of the few things that transcended the two worlds' divide. Maybe she would write an op-ed piece just for fun: <em>Dear Death Eater, Do You Know The Wizarding World Runs On Muggle Math?</em></p><p>Not to mention that Arithmancy was made all the more enjoyable because it was the one class her and Remus had away from the rest of their Gryffindor friends, and it had formed a special part of their friendship over the past couple years.</p><p>"So the homework is only four problems," Remus said conversationally as they left after another brain-breaking lesson, "which means I assume it will take approximately…twenty-four hours per question?"</p><p>Lily laughed at how horribly, ridiculously accurate that cheeky comment probably was.</p><p>"Ugh, can we <em>please</em> put off thinking about it for just one more day?"</p><p>Remus chuckled. "Yes. I've promised tomorrow to Marly anyway, so I won't be starting any homework until Sunday."</p><p>Lily elbowed him playfully. "Aw, look at you two still being cute after, what? Three years?"</p><p>Remus blushed. "It'll be three years in December, yeah."</p><p>"So what are you gonna do tomorrow, if not homework?"</p><p>Remus gave her a pointed look. "Well, we're starting our day with Gryffindor Quidditch trials."</p><p>"Oh yeah, those <em>are</em> tomorrow."</p><p>"You should come watch."</p><p>Lily shrugged. "Maybe. I obviously want us to win, but I don't particularly care about who all tries out."</p><p>Remus <em>tisked</em> her. "That is a <em>disappointing</em> show of House pride, Head Girl. <em>Not to mention</em> poor moral support for your Head Boy, who is also captaining our team on top of whatever else it is you two have to do."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine. We both know I'd get dragged by Marly anyway."</p><p>They laughed together at that, both knowing how true it was.</p><p>"Speaking of," Remus started, "how've things been so far? With James? It seems like you're at least talking again after your row on Sunday."</p><p>"Uh, yeah, it's good. We're trying to…I dunno. Be friends?"</p><p>He gave her a sideways look. "Well <em>that's</em> a development."</p><p>Lily shrugged. "We have four classes together and we inevitably have to talk about <em>something</em> related to head duties almost every day, so…it's better to get along, right?"</p><p>Remus pulled a faux-serious face. "Unequivocally."</p><p>Lily snorted. "<em>What</em>? What is that look for?"</p><p>"Nothing, nothing at all." Lily could still see the smile tugging at his mouth. "I <em>did</em> tell you he's an excellent friend, did I not?"</p><p>"You did make that allegation. And we're currently braving the <em>friend</em> part. <em>Excellent </em>remains to be seen."</p><p>"Well, let me know when you get there, will you? Might have some money riding on that."</p><p>Lily swatted him. "You boys are so <em>annoying</em>."</p><p>Remus grinned sideways at her, his eyes twinkling. "And you all love us."</p><p>As they took the stairs to Gryffindor Landing, Lily heard Sirius's barking laughter and the sounds of voices, and when they rounded the corner, it was to see a small crowd consisting of Dumbledore, Mary, Sirius, James, and a woman Lily couldn't really see, as she was being blocked by Sirius and Mary both exchanging hugs with her.</p><p>Oh wait. Was <em>that</em>—?</p><p>Remus elbowed her lightly in the arm and whispered, "Writes her almost every day."</p><p>Lily turned her gaze sharply to Remus, her eyes wide in sudden panic, but Remus just winked at her. "C'mon, she'll love you."</p><p>As they approached, Mary turned and caught her eye, waving her over, and that made Sirius turn, his face splitting into a grin as he said, "And here she is!" He grabbed Lily's shoulder lightly, pulling her to his side, as he said, "Euphie, I'd like you to meet a <em>very</em> important person: <em>my Potions partner</em>, the one and only <em>Lily Evans</em>."</p><p>James's mum beamed at her. Lily saw immediately that though James's face and hair were Fleamont, the rest of him was <em>her</em>. His lean build, his marble-pale skin, his graceful movements. She even had the same long, pale fingers, which were now reaching out for Lily's.</p><p>Lily shook her hand, saying, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Potter."</p><p>James's mum covered Lily's hand with her own, her eyes twinkling. "Call me Euphie, everyone does. And really, the pleasure's mine, I've been wanting to meet you for <em>ages</em>, I've heard <em>so</em> much about you—"</p><p>"<em>Mum</em>."</p><p>Still holding Lily's hand, she turned to look at James innocently. "From Albus, darling."</p><p>Lily swore they just exchanged a silent look.</p><p>With a pat of Lily's hand, she let go gently, adding, "You're the only one of Jamesie's class I've never met, I really can't believe it's taken this long. And you're <em>exactly</em> as Siri described."</p><p>Lily arched a brow at Sirius, who winked at her.</p><p>"Oh, and <em>Remus!</em>"</p><p>She pulled Remus into a hug, giving his back an affectionate rub, and then they spoke quietly in low voices with Dumbledore for a moment while James, Sirius and Mary picked up the threads of whatever their prior conversation had been.</p><p>When Remus withdrew, he made to head off toward the portrait hole, with Sirius and Mary exchanging final hugs and hand squeezes with James's mum as they turned to go with him. Lily made to follow them, but Dumbledore spoke for the first time.</p><p>"Wait, please, Miss Evans. Euphemia and I would actually like to speak with you and James in my office."</p><p>Lily nodded, exchanging a questioning look with James, who just shrugged, his hands in his pockets. As Euphemia sent final waves to Sirius, Remus, and Mary, Lily took another moment to actually look at her.</p><p>She was captivating. With heels on, she was equal height with James. Her golden blonde hair was in an artful knot at the nape of her neck, showing off simple diamond earrings, and her skin had a glowing radiance that reminded Lily of Dahlia's small pots of French beauty creams and elixirs. She was dressed smartly, wearing a navy blue suit dress under silvery gray dress robes, carrying a simple luxe handbag on one wrist with her wand poking out. Lily didn't miss the sapphire ring she wore on her left hand, a flash of ocean blue surrounded by blinding diamonds.</p><p><em>James</em> came from <em>this?</em> <em>Fleamont</em> was married to <em>this?</em> This woman who oozed elegance and refinement, who looked like she had walked straight out of a Muggle royal family? Snippets of what James had told her about his ancestry tugged at her brain. Something about being…Dutch? And being connected to government, maybe?</p><p>This was a curveball in her study of James Potter that she hadn't seen coming.</p><p>Euphemia looked between the three of them, her warm smile still on her face.</p><p>"Shall we?"</p><p>Dumbledore gestured for her to lead, and Lily fell in step with James behind them as they headed back down Gryffindor Landing and through hallways and down staircases, until they reached a gargoyle on the third floor that stepped aside at a quiet word from Dumbledore. James gestured for Lily to go ahead of him, and she followed Dumbledore into a moving spiral staircase and then through the door at the top.</p><p>Lily had never been inside Dumbledore's office before, and she took in the whirring gizmos and piles of books and wall of portraits and magnificent phoenix with wonder, not sure where to look yet wanting to examine it all. James didn't look phased; he had been there before, then. With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore conjured a third chair and then took his own seat behind his desk. Euphemia settled herself gracefully, setting her bag at her feet, and James sat next to her, leaving Lily to take the third seat crowded in front of Dumbledore's desk. They formed a slight circle, the chairs close enough that her and James's knees were nearly touching.</p><p>Dumbledore sat casually, elbows resting on the arms of his chair, hands steepled in front of his chest.</p><p>"James, Lily—I hope it's alright that I address you informally—I haven't had a chance to speak with you both since term started, but I wanted to tell you my sincerest congratulations in person. I chose both of you for many reasons, and I can assure you it was quite an easy decision for me to make."</p><p>Euphemia was beaming again, and James and Lily both echoed their thanks.</p><p>"Now," Dumbledore continued, "we'll have meetings from time to time to go over anything that needs going over. This particular meeting is a little impromptu, but there was a certain matter at the Board meeting this afternoon that Euphemia and I thought should be addressed with you."</p><p>Dumbledore must have noticed Lily's confused look, because he added for Lily's benefit, "I apologize, Lily, you wouldn't have known: Euphemia is Chairwoman of the Board of Governors."</p><p>Oh. <em>Oh</em>. Ohh that explained a lot.</p><p>James was watching Lily apprehensively, but Euphemia set in without missing a beat.</p><p>"Yes, and Lily, you should know I had no discussion whatsoever with Albus before he chose James. That's a headmaster decision alone, the Governors have <em>no</em> input over who gets badges."</p><p>Lily nodded, and Euphemia gave her a small smile.</p><p>"Now, I'll fill you in a little on the Board, because it's relevant to this discussion, and it's good that you have a general understanding of what's going on. I'm one of seven Board members. The Vice-Chairman is Caspar Crouch, Harfang Longbottom is Secretary, and Melania Macmillan is Treasurer. Then Cygnus Black, Omar Shacklebolt, and Matilda Bones are also Board members."</p><p>Lily's eyebrows raised; she had never known Edgar's mum was on the Board, nor Kingsley's dad. Euphemia had a knowing smile. "You look surprised."</p><p>Lily shrugged. "I'm friends with Amelia and dated Eddie for awhile, and neither of them ever mentioned it."</p><p>She didn't miss how James looked oddly pleased by this information. Or maybe it was just hearing her use the past tense about Edgar.</p><p>"Board kids only really talk about it with each other," James offered. "You can be an easy target if people think you're getting favored."</p><p>"Well, the Boneses are lovely people, as are the Shacklebolts" Euphemia continued. "The <em>issues</em>, shall we say, come from Melania and Cygnus."</p><p>"Macmillan," Lily interjected, "like, the World Cup tickets?"</p><p>Euphemia smiled a little too knowingly. Did she <em>know</em>? Lily hoped she wasn't flushing.</p><p>"Yes, but different branch of the family."</p><p>Lily nodded, and Euphemia continued, "Melania is married to Arcturus Black, and then Cygnus Black is married to Druella Rosier."</p><p>"They must be related to Sirius?"</p><p>"Arcturus and Melania are his grandparents, on Orion's side. And Cygnus is his uncle on Walburga's side."</p><p>"Didn't an uncle leave him some money? I thought Mac mentioned that."</p><p>"Yeah," James answered. "It was Alphard. Cygnus and Walburga's brother."</p><p>Lily traced the lines of a family tree in her mind. "Okay."</p><p>"Cygnus and Druella have three girls," Euphemia continued. "Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa."</p><p>James tilted his head toward Lily. "Andromeda's disowned, like Sirius. Her husband Ted's Muggle-born."</p><p>"Narcissa…why does that sound familiar?"</p><p>Dumbledore said softly, "She is now married to Lucius Malfoy, who was in her year. He was a Slytherin prefect when you would have been in your first couple years at Hogwarts."</p><p>Now Lily remembered; they had been some of the first bullies Lily had encountered at Hogwarts, hissing hallway slurs even though they carried badges. Her distaste must have shown on her face, because Dumbledore's eyes seemed to twinkle at her.</p><p>"So this is where things get interesting," Euphemia continued. "Cygnus and Druella's eldest daughter, Bellatrix, is married to Rodolphus Lestrange."</p><p>Lily felt her mouth drop open. "As in, <em>the Lestranges</em>? Weren't they the people who tortured that third-year's family last year?"</p><p>Euphemia nodded gravely. "The same. They are loyal supporters of Lord Voldemort, and they're said to be two of his most right-hand Death Eaters. It's believed that Lord Voldemort even lives with them."</p><p>"And Cygnus and Druella support Voldemort too?"</p><p>"Not…<em>loudly</em>. They do a better job than most of the other Blacks in keeping up appearances, but the writing's on the wall, really."</p><p>"So by extension, assuming Arcturus and Melania are keeping it in the family, Voldemort has direct influence on two votes of the Hogwarts Board of Governors?"</p><p>Euphemia looked pleased Lily was keeping up. "Yes. It's rather…delicate."</p><p>Lily frowned. "But two of seven can't accomplish anything, so is there—?"</p><p>She cut off, seeing Euphemia shaking her head. "They can't do anything <em>affirmatively</em>, no. But they can <em>block</em>, and they <em>have</em> blocked many things."</p><p>Lily let all of this information sink in, turning to look at Dumbledore.</p><p>"I find it as troubling as you do," he told her. "There has been far too much effort on the part of Cygnus and Melania to advance anti-Muggle rhetoric at Hogwarts, and Arcturus and Druella are stirring up the same at the Ministry."</p><p>Euphemia continued, "Which brings us to the reason we're here. Earlier this summer, Cygnus introduced a resolution that would ban Muggle-borns from attending Hogwarts—"</p><p>Lily's mouth fell open. She could hear the contempt in Euphemia's voice as she kept mumbling, "—had Walburga written<em> all</em> over it, the woman's been obsessed with bloody purity for <em>years</em>, thank <em>Merlin</em> Sirius never got sucked into her fanaticism—"</p><p>Lily turned to James. "Regulus. When he—you <em>knew</em>."</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah."</p><p>Euphemia's voice was suddenly sharp. "What happened with Regulus?"</p><p>James looked over at his mum. "He was being a git at the prefects' meeting. Slurs and insults, didn't try to actually do anything."</p><p>Euphemia's eyes narrowed. "Was there a confrontation?"</p><p>James shrugged. "A bit. Evans got in his face, I backed her up."</p><p>Euphemia's eyebrows went up in surprise as she looked between her and James. James gave Lily a cheeky grin as he told Euphemia, "She's actually the one with the temper."</p><p>Lily felt herself flushing. "Yes, and apparently you're actually the one who'll be in charge of <em>de</em>-escalation."</p><p>James met her gaze as he said earnestly, "Maybe, depends on the person. You'll have to de-escalate Snape."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine."</p><p>Dumbledore and Euphemia both had the same hint of a smile.</p><p>Euphemia continued as if that little aside hadn't happened. "The resolution Cygnus introduced was based on a similar bill proposed by Arcturus at the Ministry."</p><p>Lily looked between the three of them, aghast. "They're actually trying to…<em>do</em> this? For real? Through proper, legal procedure, they're trying to…cut Muggle-borns out of society?"</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head.</p><p>Euphemia looked grave. "When resolutions or bills are proposed, they first go through a committee process. The Board's is similar to the Ministry's, though the Ministry's is obviously more involved. But the Ministry's committee rejected the bill yesterday, and then our committee rejected the resolution today."</p><p>Lily felt a flicker of hope mingled with her relief. "So they didn't actually have any support?"</p><p>Euphemia shook her head. "No, they didn't. But the Blacks didn't <em>expect</em> them to."</p><p>Lily frowned. "I don't follow. Then why even try?"</p><p>Dumbledore took over. "For one, to make a political statement. But, I think, there may be a more sinister reason."</p><p>Her insides twisted.</p><p>Dumbledore went on, "Lord Voldemort, and the Death Eaters by extension, operate largely in secrecy. They use tactics of fear, try to stir mistrust. They commit heinous acts, true, but they do so while masked. And meanwhile, in the institutions of society—the Ministry, Hogwarts—they are staging a quiet insurrection, which is all the more dangerous for its stealth. By making an open move like this, it shows they are feeling emboldened—and it also forced the hand of those who are against them to reject them publicly."</p><p>Lily's heart sunk. "So everyone on these committees who rejected those proposals just became a target."</p><p>Dumbledore nodded.</p><p>Any relief or hope she previously had seemed to flicker out in an instant. "Do you think something might happen…here?"</p><p>Dumbledore gazed at her thoughtfully for a moment, his chin resting on his fingertips. Then, "Yes. I suspect that those in this school with ties to Lord Voldemort's inner circle may try to advance their agenda inside Hogwarts. I do not know entirely what that could mean. But I would like you both"—he shifted his gaze to James—"to keep a watchful eye on your fellow students, especially those in sixth and seventh year. Anything suspicious, any signs of danger, should be reported to me or Professor McGonagall at once."</p><p>James nodded. "Understood."</p><p>"And Lily"—Dumbledore's brow furrowed—"please watch out for yourself. I know that in making you Head Girl, I have put even more of a target on <em>your </em>back than you already had, for which I apologize. But I know you can hold your own, and I also know about how vehemently you've, shall we say, <em>defended</em>"—his eyes twinkled, and Lily shifted uncomfortably; though she'd never been caught, she'd doled out some nasty hexes to Slytherins over the years—"those younger than yourself when they've been subject to the same abuse. If there is anyone who can handle this, I know it's you."</p><p>She swallowed thickly. "Thank you, sir."</p><p>Turning, she caught James's eye; he was staring at her, something soft and almost curious, sort of like how he had looked at her the night before. Euphemia cleared her throat, and he jolted his eyes away from her, turning to look at his mother.</p><p>"Well, I think that concludes what we needed to discuss with you, and I must be going, we've dinner tonight with the McKinnons."</p><p>They all got to their feet and wandered toward the door of Dumbledore's office. Euphemia squeezed her hand, saying, "It was lovely to meet you, Lily. I do hope my boys won't give you too much trouble."</p><p>Lily didn't miss that plural <em>boys</em>, and her heart gave a sudden lurch. She had heard about Sirius running away from home and moving in with the Potters, of course, but she hadn't realized until that day just how deeply Sirius had been embraced as part of their family.</p><p>Euphemia hugged James, and Lily watched as he gave her an affectionate squeeze and let her pat his face before she turned to Albus and said, "I'll see you tomorrow for tea with Harold?"</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head. "Two o'clock sharp."</p><p>Euphemia gave him a sort of sheepish look. "Actually, Albus, I'm lunching with Cordelia Selwyn and her sisters, so if you wouldn't mind showing up, say, at <em>least</em> a quarter of an hour early so I'll have an excuse to leave, I'd be <em>forever</em> in your debt."</p><p>Dumbledore smirked. "Certainly, Euphie."</p><p>Lily looked at James with raised eyebrows and could have sworn he was biting back a laugh as he ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>An hour later, Lily had gotten herself smartened up and down to the dungeons with the rest of the seventh-year Gryffindors, Slughorn having invited all of his N.E.W.T. students to his Welcome Back party, and she found herself at a cocktail table with Remus, scanning for the rest of their friends, whom they'd lost in the fray of joining the party and getting drinks. The room was packed, and transformed so that it didn't even feel like they were in the dungeons anymore: drapes and huge pale balloons masked the ceiling, plush carpets covered the floor, gauzy curtains shrouded the walls, and the hundreds of floating candles cast a warm, rosy glow. The room was also loud, with so many voices speaking over the live music emanating from one corner.</p><p>Lily surveyed the heads nearest them for familiar flashes of raven black or chestnut brown. "I could have sworn Mac was behind me when I went to get mulled wine."</p><p>"Eh, Marly's more of a cocktail girl," Remus mused, "might've dragged Mac away at the last moment."</p><p>"Oh, true." She craned her head around towards the other end, where a bar was set up separate from the station with the cauldron of mulled wine and table of hot hors d'oeuvres.</p><p>"There's two of mine."</p><p>Lily followed his gaze through a fresh gap of people, her eye catching a glimpse of black hair, her ear picking up the sound of a laugh she was suddenly attuned to. James was standing in animated conversation with Sirius, Kingsley, and Slughorn. Lily sipped her mulled wine, taking him in more fully. For once, he actually looked—<em>posh</em>. Had she ever seen him dressed up before? His usually-rumpled button-down shirt had been replaced with a neat collar peeking out of a black cashmere jumper, the gold fastening of his deep burgundy dress robes laying across the base of his throat where his tie would normally be. One hand was stuffed casually in the pocket of dark gray trousers that fit snug to his legs, the other holding a tall glass of shimmering gold mead.</p><p>Once again, Lily found herself distracted by his fingers. She had felt them rub her back, mold against her head. She had seen them twirl his wand absently while taking notes in class all week. She had laced her own fingers between them, when he had grabbed her hand the night before. And now they were wrapped around a cold glass.</p><p>Stop. She needed to <em>stop</em>.</p><p>She forced her eyes upward. He was smiling, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses, but at something Kingsley said, James's hand was out of his pocket and pointing at Kingsley animatedly. "Yes! And then Harfang chugged the <em>whole bloody thing</em>—"</p><p>Slughorn was shaking with laughter over his own drink, wiping his eyes as he said, "I had been talking to Callidora at the time, thought she was going to blow him up on the <em>spot</em>!"</p><p>"They're talking about the Potters' Christmas Eve party last year." Remus' voice was quiet next to Lily, jolting her out of her trance. She hadn't noticed she had been staring, and she flushed as she saw Remus's knowing smile.</p><p>"Sounds like it was quite the party."</p><p>Remus chuckled. "Always is." Arching a brow at her, he added, "Bet you'll get an invite this year."</p><p>Her pulse quickened just a little at the thought.</p><p>Remus took her hesitation as an opening, and he went on, "You've met Euphie now, you can imagine how elaborate it is. And as you've also met Flea, I think you can guess how fun it is. He makes up a new punch recipe every year, gets everyone sloshed out of their minds. If you've met them <em>and</em> your Head Girl, there's no way you're not getting invited. Hell, I expect Euphie'd write you herself."</p><p>Lily chuckled. "She was very nice today. And…<em>nothing</em> like I expected, to be honest."</p><p>Remus smiled over his glass of mead. "James makes a little more sense now, doesn't he?"</p><p>Lily faltered, not sure how to answer that. She gazed back over at James, now taking a sip of his own mead, which annoyingly accentuated his jawline. "I…suppose."</p><p>"You know, I always thought that was why he liked you."</p><p>Lily's pulse quickened a fraction more. "What?"</p><p>Remus regarded her thoughtfully. "Euphie."</p><p>Lily stared at him blankly. "I don't follow."</p><p>Remus spoke slowly, like he was searching for the right words. "She's…dynamic. There's the Chairwoman thing, sure, which she's great at. But she also does a lot of writing, she advocates for things, and her and Flea are…unfailingly kind and unbelievably generous."</p><p>"As in, they donate money?"</p><p>"Er, more than that." Remus glanced around them. "They—well, they also found and pay for the Healer that's been taking care of my mother for the past year."</p><p>Lily's jaw fell open. "Oh, Reme! That's…<em>amazing</em>."</p><p>He nodded. "Yeah, it is. You know my mum's a Muggle, and when James told his parents she was sick, they somehow found a Healer through some connection or other that knows Muggle medicine and magical healing. They just started sending her 'round once a month, and she's been treating my mum ever since. Euphie tags along on her visits sometimes, always sends me a note when she does. And they've never let dad pay them a knut, and somehow Euphie convinced my dad to be okay with that."</p><p>Lily grasped Remus's wrist where it rested on the table. "Reme, I—I don't know what to say."</p><p>He gave her a sly smile, eyes twinkling again. "My <em>point</em> is, growing up with a woman like <em>that</em> is all James has ever known. You're dynamic too, Lily. I think that's part of why he's always been drawn to you."</p><p>Lily opened and closed her mouth stupidly. It <em>did</em> make sense, when Remus put it like that. It also made Lily's head swim. More for something to do, she raised her mulled wine to her lips and was mid-way through a sizable drink when Remus said playfully, "You know, you two should probably just shag and get it over with."</p><p>The mulled wine caught in her throat and Lily choked, eyes suddenly streaming, as she faintly heard Remus chuckling next to her. As she spluttered and coughed, she sensed a body coming up to their cocktail table, and Remus thumped her on the back right as she heard James say, "Alright, Evans?"</p><p>She tried to nod, coughing again.</p><p>"I can't have my Head Girl dying on me."</p><p>Lily's insides burned, and not just from the mulled wine searing her whole esophagus. <em>My</em>. Why did he have to keep <em>saying</em> it like that? And what the <em>hell</em> was Remus playing at?</p><p>She forced herself to take a slow breath, her hand on her chest, before she pushed out the words, "Wrong—pipe—wine—bad."</p><p>James laughed, his face obscured through her watery eyes. "Death by mulled wine, eh? Doesn't sound like a nice way to go."</p><p>Lily glared at him, sniffing as she dapped her eyes with a cocktail napkin. "You have—<em>no idea</em>." Her whole throat was on fire, the spices from the mulled wine lodged like shards of glass.</p><p>Her discomfort must have shown on her face, because James gave her a sympathetic look and pushed his glass of mead toward her.</p><p>"Here."</p><p>"I'm"—her voice was thick, and she cleared her throat—"fine."</p><p>"Evans, c'mon." He pushed his glass closer. "You need a palate cleanser."</p><p>Only because she was desperate for something cool and refreshing, she picked up his glass, briefly meeting his eye before she looked down and took a sip—and then another.</p><p>"Bloody hell, this is<em> good</em>."</p><p>James and Remus laughed.</p><p>"It's Rosmerta's," Remus told her. "Her oak-matured stuff. Bloody brilliant."</p><p>Lily pushed the glass back to James with a, "Thanks, Potter," and he smiled at her as he reached out to pull it the rest of the way towards him and raise it to his lips.</p><p>Remus changed the subject, asking, "So is this what all Slughorn's parties are like?"</p><p>Lily shrugged. "Pretty much. He'll do up themes for holidays, you know, but otherwise this is it. Stuffy background music, strange food, schmoozing, forced conversation—the works."</p><p>James snorted into his mead, but he must have accidentally inhaled some up his nose because now <em>he</em> was choking as he laughed, making Lily and Remus laugh even harder. James dabbed at his streaming eyes with his sleeve, chuckling to himself.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Evans. Tell us how you <em>really</em> feel."</p><p>Lily was still laughing softly. "Hey, the never-ending vat of high-end alcohol makes it bearable, at least."</p><p>Remus raised his glass. "Cheers."</p><p>Just then, Edgar sidled up to their table, clapping James on the back.</p><p>"Hey, Potter. Thanks again for yesterday."</p><p>James turned to him, smiling. "Look at you, Bones. Good as new, eh?"</p><p>Edgar chuckled. "Pomfrey's a miracle worker."</p><p>In a shrieking fit of laughter, Mary and Marlene wandered up, slushy pink cocktails in hand, but before Lily could even talk to them, she heard Slughorn's booming voice call from just a short way's away, "Ah, Miss Evans! Mr. Potter! Mr. Bones!"</p><p>They all turned to see Slughorn standing there with a tall man whose hard, blunt features formed an unpleasant smile and made Lily's stomach twist in a knot. As the stranger turned to say something to Slughorn, Lily noticed his white-blond hair was actually pulled into a neat, skinny braid at the back of his neck, and her stomach gave another twist in revulsion.</p><p>Not missing the curious glance between James and Edgar, Lily reluctantly followed them away from their friends and over toward Slughorn, who was bouncing on the balls of his feet.</p><p>"Wonderful, wonderful. I want you all to meet Corban Yaxley, he's in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, works for your father, Mr. Bones."</p><p>Edgar was first to shake Yaxley's hand, smiling good-naturedly as he said. "Pleasure, Mr. Yaxley. Which department?"</p><p>Yaxley's voice was chillingly smooth. "Investigation. A subdivision of the Auror Office. And you're a spitting image of your father, to be sure."</p><p>Slughorn directed Yaxley to James next. "And this is James Potter, he's—"</p><p>"Euphemia's boy." Yaxley's eyes glittered.</p><p>James shook his hand with a simple, "Sir."</p><p>Yaxley's eyes fell on Lily. "And who might this jewel be?"</p><p>Her eyes went wide with surprise, but before she could even think of how to respond to <em>that</em>, Slughorn was rambling excitedly, "Corban, this is <em>Lily Evans</em>, one of my <em>best</em> students, an absolute delight, <em>and</em> Head Girl, just does it all, you know, but I dare say I don't think you'll get her at the Ministry next year, has her heart set on Gringotts, probably for the best, she's too bright to be wasted on <em>government</em>…"</p><p>Slughorn trailed off, chortling at his own joke, and Lily felt her spine prickle as Yaxley's eyes roamed over her before he said quietly, "<em>Evans</em>, was it? Yes, I imagine Gringotts would feel more…<em>at</em> <em>home</em> for someone…like <em>you</em>."</p><p>Her throat closed, her heart suddenly beating fast. He knew who she was. He knew she was Muggle-born. And the sickening part was, he wasn't even wrong; she <em>did</em> find an odd comfort in the idea of working alongside another ostracized magical species, one not respected nearly enough for their unique abilities and supreme intelligence.</p><p>Before she could get out any semblance of a retort, the room suddenly went dark, all of the candles snuffed out at once. The band cut off the music instantly, the only sound the instant jumble of gasps and panicked voices. James grabbed her arm and hissed, "Light, Evans."</p><p>She fumbled for her wand in her dress robes, whispered a quick, "<em>Lumos</em>!" and had only a second to survey puzzled looks on people around her as they started lighting their own wands when a faint sound, almost like fireworks, whizzed in the air somewhere behind her. She whipped around, following the sound, and saw the bar explode in a flash of fire.</p><p>Screams sounded, people stampeded, and then another flash of fire exploded a cocktail table at the opposite end of the room.</p><p>James's voice was in her ear. "Take over out here, yeah?"</p><p>And before she could even react to that, he was gone.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James pushed his way through the surge of people making for an exit, distantly hearing the screams and exploding sounds of another cocktail table somewhere behind him. He felt a little guilty for leaving Lily in the lurch like that, but she could handle herself, and so could the rest of their friends. Well, maybe not Peter, but he couldn't worry about that now.</p><p>Because as his eyes had whipped through the shadowy crowd, he'd caught a glimpse of a white-blond braid moving swiftly—and not toward the exit, but toward Slughorn's office.</p><p>His mind raced as he hurried to keep Yaxley in his sight. <em>Lily</em> wanted to work at <em>Gringotts</em>? He'd never known that. <em>Yaxley</em> recognized Lily's <em>name</em>? That spelled trouble. He'd overheard plenty of political talk at home, and had a general sense of which names were associated with Voldemort's followers, but Yaxley was one that had never come up that way. His parents found the man slimy, and now that he'd met him he could see why, but he also had a nagging feeling there was more to Yaxley than they'd known.</p><p>James finally made it to the far end of the room, so absorbed in his thoughts that the din of screams and explosions seemed distant, and he found the door to Slughorn's office slightly ajar. He didn't hesitate; he pushed it open, immediately seeing Yaxley hunched over Slughorn's desk, rifling through what appeared to be a pile of correspondence.</p><p>Yaxley's head jerked up, his lip curling in a smile. "We meet again, Mr. Potter."</p><p>"Something I can help you with, sir?"</p><p>Yaxley chuckled, returning to his task. "Old Sluggy's assistant, are you?"</p><p>"Nah, just Head Boy."</p><p>Yaxley paused and glanced up at James curiously before going back to reading one particular letter he'd picked up. "Well, my business doesn't concern you, Potter."</p><p>James leaned against the doorway, feigning casualness. "Seems like it does, when you're in here while someone else is exploding the room for you out there."</p><p>Yaxley hissed, throwing the letter down on the desk, and then swept over to James. Yaxley was just slightly taller, but James drew himself up to his full height and returned his stare. They took the measure of each other for a moment, and then Yaxley said quietly, "I don't know what you're talking about, Potter. I simply remembered that Slughorn invited me tonight to show me a letter about a piece of art he's helping me track down. But now he seems rather…<em>occupied</em> with whatever juvenile tricks your classmates have stirred up out there, hmm?"</p><p>James played along. "Then my apologies for the…<em>misunderstanding</em>. Sir."</p><p>Yaxley looked James up and down. "You'd fit well in the Investigation Department, Potter. We normally don't take students fresh out of Hogwarts, but I'm sure for you, we could pull the necessary strings. I'll mention it to Slughorn when I see him next."</p><p>And with that, he turned in a whirl of his cloak and disappeared into the smoking room.</p><p>Sighing, James picked his way back through the ransacked room, spotting his clump of friends huddled in the middle with Slughorn and McGonagall, who had apparently appeared at some point.</p><p>"Potter!" McGonagall exclaimed, noticing him first. "<em>There</em> you are."</p><p>"Is Dumbledore here, Professor?"</p><p>"No," she said matter-of-factly, "he was at another dinner party tonight, but I've sent him word of what happened."</p><p>He nodded; he'd have to tell him about Yaxley later. Looking over at his friends more closely, he saw Remus with a singed cheek and Sirius with a burgeoning black eye, his hair looking far more askew than it normally did. "You guys alright?"</p><p>"Super," said Sirius dryly.</p><p>Lily's voice emanated from somewhere behind McGonagall, where James saw she stood with Mary. "It was the Slytherins."</p><p>He nodded. "Not surprised."</p><p>Her eyes flashed at him; he would have to tell <em>her</em> about Yaxley too, but for some reason he didn't want to bring it up in front of everyone else.</p><p>"Well," McGonagall continued, "you all can head back to Gryffindor Tower, no sense in staying down here."</p><p>They made their way upstairs, Remus and Mary doing the bulk of filling James in on what had happened while he'd been gone: Sirius had actually been the one to figure out it was the Slytherins, as he'd seen Regulus explode a cocktail table, and Kingsley and Edgar had had to wrestle Sirius off of his brother while the girls, Remus, and Peter had then set to putting out fires and cornering Avery, who had been in on it with Regulus.</p><p>The common room was pandemonium when they clambered through the portrait hole, the news of Slughorn's party already spread throughout the school, and their classmates pulled them into the crowd, pushing bottles into their hands, demanding the full tale of what really happened. James maneuvered his way out of the crowd's clutches, suddenly feeling choked by his dress robes, uncomfortable and hot.</p><p>Lily was suddenly beside him. "Are you going to tell me what the <em>hell</em> you—"</p><p>"Upstairs," James muttered under his breath. To his surprise, she fell silent, and to his even greater surprise, she followed him. He took the steps two-at-a-time, hearing Lily on his heels, and pushed through the door of his dormitory, immediately reaching for the clasp at his neck.</p><p>Lily closed the door behind them, and as he turned to face her, he found her standing with her arms crossed. She looked slightly disheveled from the excitement downstairs, her hair bristling, her cheeks still pink.</p><p>"Potter, what <em>was </em>that? You just <em>left</em>—"</p><p>"I followed Yaxley."</p><p>Her expression changed from frustration to surprise. "You—you what?"</p><p>"I followed Yaxley," he repeated, pulling off his dress robes and tossing them on his bed. "It was a diversion. He slunk off to Slughorn's office."</p><p>Lily's mouth fell open.</p><p>James shook his head. "I didn't figure out what he was after, I only saw him rifling through Slughorn's letters on his desk."</p><p>Lily looked puzzled. "What could he possibly want with <em>Slughorn</em>? He's Head of Slytherin House, it's not like he's their <em>enemy</em>…"</p><p>James was pulling off his jumper, and his voice was slightly muffled as he said, "Must be information. If there's gossip to know, especially about someone important, odds are Slughorn knows it."</p><p>He tossed the jumper on top of the dress robes, and immediately started working on getting the top button of his shirt undone, which proved difficult, as it felt so tight on his neck he wondered how it hadn't already cut off his oxygen supply.</p><p>Lily stared at him, non-plussed. "And you're stripping right now, <em>why?</em>"</p><p>His fingers finally got the button at his throat; much better. James chuckled. "Not stripping, just trying to fucking breathe. Unless you want me to?"</p><p>She flushed, her face looking murderous, and James chuckled as he turned his attention to his sleeves, unbuttoning the wrists so he could fold them back and push them up to his elbows.</p><p>Her voice seemed determinedly neutral as she said, "This has to be connected to what Dumbledore and your mum were telling us today."</p><p>He nodded, messing with his hair a moment, and then crossed his arms, feeling much more like himself now that he had shed that posh get-up. "Yeah, I think so. And I—I might have just busted Yaxley's cover."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"</p><p>James met her gaze. "I mean, I didn't realize Yaxley was in league with them. Don't think my parents know either. So he's probably been somewhat of a double-agent, and I think I just found him out."</p><p>Lily's eyes widened. "Shit."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"You have to tell Dumbledore."</p><p>James sighed. "Yeah, I know. That's why I asked McGonagall if he was here."</p><p>Silence fell. James watched her fidget with her sleeve. "Leave those up here."</p><p>She looked up sharply at him. "What?"</p><p>"No one goes down to a common room party wearing dress robes, Evans. You can leave 'em in here, get 'em back later."</p><p>She nodded slowly, unfastening the clasp at her neck and slowly sliding the black fabric from her shoulders. He held out his hand for them, and she took a couple of tentative steps toward him, handing over her robes, which he took and then tossed onto his bed with his other discarded clothes. His heart beat fast, a mixture of arousal and nerves zinging through him at the sight. He'd always tried to flirt with her when they were younger, but since they'd been back that year, he'd felt it—some new, inexplicable tension that had never been there before. He knew she felt it, too; her reaction to him grabbing her hand the night before, the way she'd looked like she expected him to kiss her, had been all the confirmation he'd needed.</p><p>As he turned back to face her, he stalled, taking her in without the dress robes giving her cover. Her black dress looked like it was a soft material, and though it had a demure collar and covered her shoulders, it clung to all the right places as it draped over her body and down to just above her knees.</p><p>Lily arched a brow at him. "Something you want to say?"</p><p>James smirked, then made his way across the room. As he passed her, he rested his hand lightly on her waist and said quietly, "You're always stunning, Evans," before trailing his fingers across her stomach and continuing on toward the door. He didn't dare look back.</p><p>As soon as he got to the bottom of the stairs, a note was waiting for him. James recognized Dumbledore's loopy scrawl, and with a quick word to his friends, he went right back out the portrait hole and set off for Dumbledore's office. Once there, he recounted everything he had seen and every word, verbatim, that he'd exchanged with Yaxley, starting with the conversation in front of Slughorn, as James hadn't missed Yaxley's subtle dig at Lily. That could only have come from Slytherins. Dumbledore watched James gravely through his account, his eyes seeming to see James's every thought.</p><p>"So it appears Yaxley is an agent of Voldemort." Dumbledore sighed. "It's not horribly surprising, but it is a disappointment. You've done well, James."</p><p>James nodded and turned to go, but then Dumbledore asked, "Have you told anyone else?"</p><p>"Er, just Evans. When we were catching up after—"</p><p>Dumbledore held up his hand. "That's quite all right. I was going to tell you to fill her in if you hadn't already. I will also inform your parents, but I ask that you don't share this any further."</p><p>"I understand, sir."</p><p>By the time he got back to he common room, Lily had already gone upstairs, and Mary was making to follow her lead. "I don't think any of us are really in the mood for all this anymore," she told James, nodding at their classmates playing goblets and laughing by the fire. Then she put a hand on his shoulder, gave him a gentle squeeze. "You should head up too, try to get some rest before tomorrow. <em>Captain</em>."</p><p>He smiled, knowing she was right, and slung his arm around her as they walked toward the staircases.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>James closed his eyes, cold air stinging his face, painfully refreshing. Opening them again, he slowed his broom from its upward path and sat still for a moment, pulling deep breaths of the crisp morning air into his lungs. He was high up, far above the goal posts of the Quidditch pitch. The sun was on its way to the midpoint in the sky, and from this vantage point, he could see a trickle of students making their way down the path from the castle to the pitch. He expected a decent crowd for trials; Gryffindor had one of the stronger returning teams, and not only were Gryffindors eager to see who would trying out, members of other houses would be curious to get a glimpse of Gryffindor prospects as well.</p><p>James checked his watch: ten minutes until start. He started a slow, winding descent, taking a few laps around the pitch. Nothing had ever come as naturally to James as flying. It was like he was one with his broom, with the <em>air</em>, as he sped through the sky, feeling the slight tugs of the wind, cutting through the pull of gravity. He let the morning's chilliness wash over him, embraced the goosebumps that rose all over his skin, noticed the softness of the mist on his face. This was bliss. Pure and complete bliss. And it did a hell of a job easing his throbbing head and waking up his bleary eyes after last night's events.</p><p>Circling lower, James flew toward the midpoint of the pitch, where he could see Mary and Sirius already bobbing, Kingsley and Ludo zooming toward them from their own initial laps.</p><p>"Right," James started when they were all gathered. "We have about 20 people signed up for trials"—Sirius whistled; that was a lot considering they already knew who the best flyers in sixth and seventh year were—"And we need a Keeper and a Chaser. I'll lead them all through a 10-minute warm-up, see if anyone drops off. Then I'm going to run this one-side-scrimmage style. Shack, we'll switch off doing offense and defense and focus on finding our third Chaser. Pads, LB, I'm only going to release one Bludger, so you two will rotate. Whoever isn't on will be with Mac to help assess Keepers. Clear?"</p><p>"Crystal," piped Sirius, "Let's see what they got."</p><p>His strategy proved smart; after a ten-minute warm-up, the group of twenty prospects had dwindled down to seven legitimate contenders consisting of a four fifth years, two third years, and a second year who flew well but later proved to have underdeveloped ball handling. When it came time to scrimmage, James and Kingsley had started off almost lazily for their usual level of play, easing the prospects toward a more intense scrimmage as some prospects kept up and others fell behind.</p><p>By the end, Mary had put Hugh McClaggan, a burly fifth year who saved all but two of James's shots, in front of the hoops as Keeper, and then Sirius came back in with Ludo to defend against James, Kingsley, and Emmeline Vance (one of the fifth years), giving the three of them time to get a feel for flying in a few formations together. James couldn't keep the grin from his face as they swooped toward the goal posts; Emmeline fit seamlessly with him and Kingsley, setting them up with good passes and also taking good shots of her own. He hadn't gone into trials with high hopes of finding another Chaser who could jive with them as well as Frank Longbottom had, but Emmeline had surpassed his expectations, and when that play was over, he blew his whistle, seeing the wide smiles of his teammates that told him they saw it too.</p><p>"Right, that's it!" James called. "Vance, McClaggan, congrats, you're on the squad."</p><p>They all flew to huddle on the ground; James thought most of those that didn't make it seemed good-natured about it—it <em>had</em> been more than obvious by the end that Emmeline and Hugh performed best—but a couple of the cut fifth years grumbled with him, which he found beyond annoying.</p><p>As the team walked to the locker rooms, James fell in step with Emmeline, and he chucked her lightly on the shoulder. "That was impressive, Vance."</p><p>She smiled at him, blushing slightly, but accepted the compliment. "Thanks, Potter. I'm still a little surprised I even tried out today, to be honest."</p><p>He looked down at her in surprise, realizing that now they were on the ground, she was a good deal shorter than he was. "Well, thank Merlin you did, Vance. Where'd you learn to play like that, then?"</p><p>She shrugged, absently tightening the high ponytail on her head. Her hair was dark, and the way it fell from her ponytail in thick waves that trailed over her shoulder reminded him of Lily's. His stomach gave a lurch as her name crossed his mind; Quidditch managed to clear his mind as nothing else could, so he hadn't thought about her since before trials had started in earnest, but now he found his gaze going back to the stands where he knew she was sitting, thinking about how she would have been watching him.</p><p>"I grew up playing with my older brothers—I'm not sure if you remember Richard, he was probably a seventh year when you were…fourth maybe?"</p><p>James's attention was pulled back to Emmeline. "Blimey, yeah, I remember Rich—he taught me half of what I know. I didn't realize he was your brother."</p><p>Emmeline nodded. "Yeah, and my other brother, Albert, was a few years ahead of him, also played Chaser."</p><p>James chuckled. "Bloody hell, Vance, you've been sleeping on us."</p><p>She smiled shyly. "They might have practiced with me all summer and then got me to try out on a bet."</p><p>A true laugh escaped him then, and Kingsley, who had heard that last bit, joined in. James slung a casual arm over her shoulders, jostling her playfully. "Vance, you're going to fit in better than you know."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily lounged on her bed, flipping through her syllabary as she attempted to work on her Ancient Runes translation, though she was finding her heart was not in it. The events of the night before clouded her mind, a haze of Death Eaters and James's mum and Slughorn's party and the sight of James de-poshing in his flipping <em>bedroom</em>. And then there was <em>trials</em>. Which she had attended at Marlene's insistence, like she'd known she would, and during which she didn't think she had watched anyone actually trying out one bit. She'd been too distracted by James. Which was <em>ridiculous</em>. She'd watched him fly for six years, so she knew exactly what he looked like in the air, but something about seeing him that morning—so focused as he sat so casually on his broom, completely at ease hundreds of feet in the air, engaged and laughing but also intense, in control, before joining the scrimmage and darting and catching and throwing like it was as easy as breathing—hit her differently than it ever had before.</p><p>She needed to think about something else. Something boring. Like Runes.</p><p>Just then, the dormitory door burst open as Mary and Dahlia rushed in, alight with excitement.</p><p>"What's going on?" Lily asked, her quill poised in mid-air.</p><p>"I hope you packed a swimming costume, Lil," Mary said, a glint in her eye as she opened her own trunk and began rummaging through it.</p><p>"A—what?"</p><p>"You heard me—a swimming costume."</p><p>"Mac, I think the lake's a little chilly this time of year—"</p><p>"Not the lake, <em>silly</em>"—Mary tossed a balled up blouse at Lily playfully—"we're having a pool party in the Prefects' Bathroom."</p><p>"You're <em>what</em>?"</p><p>"You heard me." Mary flashed her a wicked smile. "Don't worry, Lil. The Head Boy slash Gryffindor Quidditch Captain has given his permission, as he thinks some members of his team need a good steam after trials today." She winked, going back to digging in her trunk.</p><p>Lily's jaw dropped. "<em>He</em> started this? How many people?"</p><p>Mary shrugged. "The team, I expect, plus you two, probably Peter, Dorcas…Marly and Reme are off on their date, aren't they?"</p><p>"Yeah they are. Marly's going to <em>flip</em> when she finds out she's missed this, you know."</p><p>"Eh, that's on her for planning a date with Reme after trials. She had to have known we'd celebrate."</p><p>Lily turned back to her Ancient Runes. "Well, I didn't bring a swimming costume to Hogwarts, I never thought I would need one."</p><p>Dahlia bounced onto Lily's bed, holding up what looked like scraps of black fabric as she flashed Lily an elfish smile. "Good thing I brought extras then."</p><p>"<em>No way</em> is that going to fit me," Lily objected.</p><p>Dahlia rolled her eyes. "Yes, <em>if only</em> we were witches who could just charm it to fit you perfectly."</p><p>Lily looked back at Mary, who was biting her lip as she smiled at Lily. "Please, Lil? Come <em>on</em>, it's our last year, let's have some <em>fun!</em>"</p><p>Lily looked between Mary and Dahlia, then sighed, grabbing the black swimming costume dangling from Dahlia's hand. "Only because you pulled the last year card, Mac."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Inside the Prefects' Bathroom, the gigantic pool-sized tub was already filled with bubbles simmering over the top and onto the tile, and sunlight filtered into the room through the floor-to-ceiling stained glass window opposite the entrance, where the mermaid flipped her hair and splashed her fin playfully. As she walked in with Mary and Dahlia, Lily saw that Peter, Ludo, Kingsley, and Dorcas were already drifting in the water, and not far from them, Sirius sat on the edge, leaning back casually on his palms, a crate of Butterbeers at his side.</p><p>Seeing the girls enter, Sirius pushed a lock of hair from his eyes and grinned. "About time, you three."</p><p>"One of us took some convincing," Dahlia said playfully, casting a knowing look at Lily as she pulled off the school robes she'd worn to cover herself, revealing a small yellow string bikini, the bones and muscles of her small, taut body on display while she lowered herself into the pool.</p><p>"Aw, don't be shy, Evans," Sirius teased.</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not <em>shy</em>, Black, I'm <em>busy</em>."</p><p>Sirius's barking laughter rang throughout the room. "That you are, Evans, we have a Potions assignment due Monday."</p><p>Mary had shed her robes, showing off a sporty two-piece, and after grabbing a Butterbeer from the crate, she sat next to Sirius, dipping her feet in the water.</p><p>Lily was shrugging out of her robes, looking forward to the relaxing heat of the water, when her eye caught on movement: James, emerging from one of the stalls that lined a side wall, deftly pulling his t-shirt over his head with one hand. Lily felt her throat close as she saw him. Muscles in his arms shifted under his pale skin, and his navy swim shorts sat low on his hips, just underneath twin diagonal lines cutting sharply into a defined abdomen lightly dusted with a trail of hair that somehow managed to highlight his muscles even more.</p><p>James tossed his shirt to the ground and reached for his right shoulder, tentatively rotating it.</p><p>"Don't tell me your shoulder is bothering you from that damn duel," Mary called over to him.</p><p>He shook his head. "Nah, just a little sore still. Probably overdid it today."</p><p>"Out of shape, mate?" Kingsley teased. "You went max for probably two plays."</p><p>James laughed. "<em>Exactly</em>—I watched almost the whole time until I jumped in with you at the end."</p><p>"Get heat on it, James," Mary scolded. "We can't have our <em>Captain</em> be sore after <em>trials</em>, we'll look like a disgrace."</p><p>"<em>Or</em>," Sirius turned to Mary, "we put it out that James might be injured and we <em>trick 'em all</em>."</p><p>Mary snorted, kicking up water at him and sending him spluttering. "You're an idiot, Black. They'll all be sending scouts to practices."</p><p>James had walked behind them to get a Butterbeer, cracking it open and taking a swig. He was mid-drink when his eyes met Lily's across the room right as she was tossing her robes aside, and she willed herself not to flush as he slowly lowered the Butterbeer bottle from his lips.</p><p>Annoyingly, the first thing that came to her head was her stupid drunken exclamation, memorialized forever in The Diary of Unforgotten Things, that she'd "shag that." She tried to push it away, tried to erase the thought, but now it was a spiral of thoughts: of those arms around her, that head kiss, the sneaky hand-hold, the sight of him pulling his jumper over his head, his hand on her waist. The entire time she had been in his dormitory the night before, all she'd been able to think about was that she had just seen his bed, which made her remember that Pan sometimes slept in that bed, which made her wonder which girls had ever been in that bed, which made her think about James having sex, which made her remember her lusty fantasies of him, and which resulted in the sight of him being rather unbearable.</p><p>Because he was shirtless, and his hair looked <em>actually</em> windswept, and his torso looked like <em>that, </em>and his fingers were wrapped around yet another cold beverage, and even from across the room, his face looked <em>hungry</em>, and without a doubt he was the most attractive thing she'd <em>ever </em>fucking seen, and just—<em>fuck it all</em>. Looking right at him, Lily ran a hand through her hair as she started down the stairs at her end of the pool, feeling the warm, bubbling water lap soothingly at her toes, ankles, shins, as she lazily descended. He broke eye contact and Lily watched his gaze roam over her body, like he wanted to scan it into his memory before she disappeared under the water. She knew what he was seeing: what had looked like scraps of black fabric had actually been a one-piece that Dahlia had expertly stretched to fit Lily's longer torso, the cut of the leg fitting just above Lily's hipbones, the wide front panels creating a deep v-neck that held her curves in place before wrapping around the back of her neck, leaving her entire back exposed.</p><p>She tore her eyes from James as she waded deeper into the water, joining Dahlia and Dorcas, who were floating alongside Ludo, Kingsley, and Peter. It wasn't long before Sirius, Mary, and James all pulled up, a magicked tray holding Firewhisky shots floating in their wake. Sirius picked up a glass and boomed, "To the best bloody Quidditch team this school has ever seen!"</p><p>James added, "To winning the Cup in our last fucking year at Hogwarts."</p><p>Mary looped her arm around James's neck and said, "To <em>being</em> in our last fucking year at Hogwarts."</p><p>Lily watched James smile at Mary, squeeze her arm. "You getting sappy there, Mac?"</p><p>She ruffled his hair. "Special occasion, Jamesie."</p><p>They clinked their glasses and took their shots, and Lily, clinking around with the others, took hers.</p><p>A few more shots and playful splash fights later, Lily found herself suddenly face-to-face with James. His eyes sparkled behind clear, charmed glasses, the sunlight making them look almost gold.</p><p>"Kind of surprised you're here, Evans."</p><p>"Potter, I thought we already established I'm fun."</p><p>He chuckled, moving infinitesimally closer in the water. "Yeah, we did. In <em>summer</em>. School's different."</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "Is that so?"</p><p>He gave her a pointed look. "Ever had detention? Had any points docked? Gotten anything less than an 'E'?"</p><p>Lily flushed, rolling her eyes, and James laughed. "Didn't think so."</p><p>She had a brief moment of panic. "How many school rules do you think we're breaking right now?"</p><p>He shrugged. "Does it matter? We've already broken them." His face softened, and Lily inhaled sharply as she felt his fingers at her hip under the water, just skimming the surface of her skin before trailing up to her waist, where his hand settled. "<em>Relax</em>, Evans. We're not getting caught. It's a beautiful day outside, no one's going to be checking on the <em>Prefects' Bathroom</em>."</p><p>She supposed he had a point. But before she could reply or think about how his hand was still resting lightly at her side, Sirius's voice cut through the air. "Oi! Prongs! Evans! Hippogriff battle, let's go!"</p><p>Lily turned, seeing Mary promptly dunk him and climb on his shoulders as he came spluttering up for air, shaking his wet hair out of his face, and then with a gasp she felt shoulders under her legs, hands on her thighs, as she was lifted into the air. She was immediately giggling, her brain suddenly hazy from the rush of it all happening, from the Firewhisky flowing through her veins, from contact with more of James's skin than she'd ever had before, and she rested her hands on his head to steady herself, barely comprehending that she was finally feeling his hair, damp from being splashed earlier, as he slid his hands down her legs, palms against her calves, fingers resting over her shins.</p><p>Mary was grinning wickedly at her from atop Sirius, and Lily was only vaguely aware of Ludo coming to stand between Sirius and James, holding his arm up dramatically before he dropped it with a loud, "Go!"</p><p>Mary lunged for Lily, grabbing her shoulders, and Lily got ahold of Mary's forearms, pushing away playfully and shrieking with laughter as they tousled in the air.</p><p>"Come <em>on</em>, Mac!" Sirius called. "Take Evans down!"</p><p>James and Sirius were well matched in staying balanced, and as Mary got in a particularly good shove, Lily felt James's hands go instantly to the top of her thighs, gripping tightly at her hips. The assist gave her just the momentum she needed to push back against Mary, and for a second Mary tilted off-balance. She felt the press of James's head against her stomach as he tilted it back to look up at her. "'Atta girl, Evans."</p><p>Just then, Mary lunged at Lily, getting an arm tightly around her neck, and she suddenly heard Mary's whisper in her ear: "You should see his <em>face</em>, Lil."</p><p>Lily's arms went slack as Mary pulled back, her dark eyes glittering at Lily as she raised her eyebrows. A wicked idea came to Lily just then, and she took advantage of Mary's distraction and tipped her off balance, sending her shrieking with Sirius into the water.</p><p>Their little crowd of friends burst into cheers and laughter, and with a splash, Sirius and Mary emerged, spluttering and laughing, from underwater. Mary's arm was looped tightly around Sirius' neck, her dark hair falling as a shield in front of her face, but Lily could have sworn she saw Sirius lean in toward Mary's cheek.</p><p>She barely had time to process James's renewed grip on her hips before an instinctive scream escaped her as James plunged down, bringing Lily with him and submerging them both underwater. James twisted out from underneath her, and she thought she felt the whisper of his lips against her inner thigh, but then he was snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her back up.</p><p>She gasped as she broke the surface, bringing her hands up to push her hair back from her face. "Bloody <em>hell</em>, Potter!" He smiled next to her, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Drops of water trickled down his face, clung to his collarbone, slid over a defined chest. She vaguely registered his hand pressing into her bare back, sending little zips of electricity up her spine. James pulled her slightly closer, and she absently reached a hand though the water to his abdomen, pressing her fingers tentatively into his skin, feeling his muscles contract under her touch. His face was close—too close. She saw his eyes dart to her mouth, felt his fingertips firm on her back. Her pulse quickened, stomach fluttering, nerves—and something…<em>else?</em>—zinging through her limbs, but then a giant splash of water overtook them, shocking her back to her senses as Mary's shrieks of laughter sounded around her.</p><p>As she wiped the water from her eyes, she noticed James had vanished from her side and was now drifting over towards Sirius and Peter. Mary bobbed over to her, a massive grin split across her face.</p><p>Her voice was low, just for Lily. "That's your <em>second</em> near-kiss, Lil."</p><p>Lily shook her head, feeling dazed. "I—but you—"</p><p>Mary chuckled. "<em>Lil</em>. The third time <em>better </em>be the charm, but it also better be in fucking <em>private</em>, because after watching you two today?"</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, suddenly feeling so nervous she almost felt sick.</p><p>Mary's eyes glittered. "<em>No way</em> you're keeping your hands off each other."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James leaned back in his chair, linking his hands behind his head, as he stared at the chess board in front of him. "This is bloody madness," he muttered. It was after dinner, that lazy time on Saturday evening before anyone got a party going. Even if someone did start one, James wasn't sure he'd be up for it—exhaustion had started to hit him after he finally had a hot meal, the combination of Slughorn's party, little sleep, trials, and then an afternoon of drinking and swimming finally catching up to him.</p><p>Remus leaned forward on his knees, pushing his light brown hair out of his eyes as they danced with laughter. "Well, you did play your bishop when—"</p><p>"Yes, yes, I bloody know." James breathed deeply through his nose, then finally snapped at the chess pieces (who were shouting a cacophony of instructions) to shut their bloody traps, having now led him to two bad moves in a row.</p><p>Remus smiled smugly as he leaned back, one leg crossed onto his knee, and pulled a bowl of kettle corn into his lap.</p><p>"Hit me," James said, and he tilted his head back as Remus lobbed pieces of kettle corn at James' mouth. "Mmm"—he chewed thoughtfully—"this Ros's new stuff?"</p><p>"Yep," Remus said thickly. "Honey mead flavor. Best invention."</p><p>Sirius came over and clapped James on the shoulder, causing him to miss Remus' lobbed next piece. "Hey!"</p><p>Remus chucked a piece up at Sirius, slightly overthrowing it, but Sirius backpedaled and caught it in his mouth.</p><p>"Mmm!" Sirius' face alighted as he chewed. "This is from Ros?" Without waiting for an answer he plunged his hand into the bowl in Remus' lap as Remus exclaimed, "Hey, this is hard-earned stuff—"</p><p>"Yeah." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Bet you had to flirt <em>real </em>hard to get your hands on that."</p><p>"Flirt with who?" Marlene had materialized between Sirius and Remus, her hands on her hips as she looked pointedly between them.</p><p>"Our one true love," Sirius said, slinging an arm around Marlene's shoulders, "that the four of us share."</p><p>Marlene rolled her eyes, pulling a face. "Your obsession with Rosmerta is concerning."</p><p>"<em>Our</em> obsession, Marly," Sirius said, pulling her in with the crook of his elbow and adding with a faux whisper, "She likes Remus best, that's why she always gives him all the kettle corn."</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, stuffing more of the kettle corn in his mouth, as James protested, "Hey, she does not."</p><p>Sirius released his arm from around Marlene and reached out to ruffle James' hair. "Such an only child, Jamesie, friends are for sharing."</p><p>James shot him an annoyed look before turning back to look at the chess board, tilting his chair onto its back legs as he threaded his hands back behind his head. Sirius stood over the table, his hands on his hips, as he surveyed the board, his frown deepening by the second.</p><p>"Damn, Prongs, what did you <em>do</em>?"</p><p>Remus grinned smugly. "Listened to my pieces."</p><p>Sirius cocked an eyebrow at James and let out a slow breath. "I think you're screwed, mate."</p><p>Peter popped up behind Sirius, a case of Butterbeers in his hands. Taking a moment to look over the board, he nodded in agreement, handing a Butterbeer to James. "Yep, Prongs, that's game over."</p><p>With a heavy sigh, James took the open Butterbeer from Peter and picked a losing move at random, shaking his head at Remus as his friend's pieces smashed his king to bits.</p><p>"Fucking hate losing," James mumbled. Remus winked at him.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>It was past midnight, the torches burning low in their sconces and the castle hushed, as James traipsed slowly up the stairs toward Gryffindor Landing. After a couple rounds of chess with Remus and Peter, he had been too drained for the party that had inevitably begun to rage in Gryffindor Tower, yet he'd also been restless, so when Remus was occupied with Marlene, and Peter was occupied playing cards, and Sirius was particularly occupied flirting with Mary, and Lily was nowhere to be seen, he had snuck up to the boys' dormitory, grabbed the invisibility cloak, and set off for one of his midnight strolls.</p><p>James loved walking the castle at night. It was so calm, so peaceful; it gave him space to truly think. And right now, he had a lot to think about. Lily, of course. In the split-second before Mary's wave had crashed into them, he had just made up his mind to kiss her. He hadn't even thought about the fact that a bunch of their friends were all there watching; it had felt like it was only the two of them, like all of their tension over the past week had been leading to that moment. He could sense her warming up to him, like she was finally seeing who he was <em>now</em>, and not just who he had been when he was younger. It was almost comical to watch her constantly have a look of surprise on her face when he was around her, like acting like <em>himself </em>was somehow new and unexpected.</p><p>And then there was the Yaxley thing. The whole situation had unnerved him. He was only a Hogwarts student, and he had just unmasked a Ministry double-agent who was in all likelihood a Death Eater, <em>and</em> he had been essentially offered a job by said Death Eater to boot. The fact that Yaxley could be in the Investigation Department unsettled him, was turning him off from the idea of working for the Auror Office completely. What use was a department for investigating and hunting dark wizards, when the dark wizards were the ones running it?</p><p>Maybe he <em>would</em> think more seriously about going professional with Quidditch. Filling his team that day had left him feeling euphoric. He had connections to professional teams, and Ludo had told him that scouts would already be coming, so it wouldn't be hard to make introductions. The Auror Office would always be there, but professional Quidditch wouldn't—he would only have a few years of prime playing time after leaving school.</p><p>He was halfway up the stairs toward Gryffindor Landing when he heard voices in the distance, and he froze, his foot mid-step. After waiting a moment without anyone coming his direction, he took the last few steps two at a time, moving as quietly as possible. As he peered around the corner, a sickly feeling started bubbling in his stomach at the sight that met his eyes.</p><p>A way's away from the Fat Lady, Lily was standing in her dressing gown, her arms crossed as she leaned sideways against the wall. Her hair fell thickly around her shoulders, her expression one of blazing fury as she glared at the boy in front of her, his stringy black hair falling in an oily curtain around his face.</p><p>"What do you think you're doing, Sev? It's after midnight."</p><p>"I had to talk to you." Even Snape's bloody voice was oily.</p><p>"About what? We're not friends anymore."</p><p>"Well, that's just it. I want us to be friends again."</p><p>Lily let out a derisive laugh. "Tell me how that would be possible, Sev. By your own beliefs, you should be trying to kill me right now."</p><p>Snape spluttered in protest. "But—you're smart enough—you're <em>brilliant</em>—he would take you even though you're a Mudblood—"</p><p>"You're <em>disgusting</em>," Lily spat at him. "You're actually trying to <em>recruit</em> me right now? As you <em>insult</em> me? What the bloody hell is <em>wrong </em>with you?"</p><p>"But you would be safe!" Snape was practically pleading with her. "He would make an exception for you!"</p><p>Lily sneered at him, a look worse than any she had ever given James, if that was even possible. "I'm not interested in your <em>Dark Lord</em>, Sev, unless it's about taking him down"—James grinned under the cloak, feeling a surge of pride—"he's vile and cruel and all of you that follow him are just foul little cowardly <em>puppets</em>—"</p><p>She gasped then, and James saw Snape had taken a step closer to her, lording over her with his wand drawn at his side. "We are not <em>cowards</em>, or <em>puppets</em>," he hissed. "<em>We</em> are the powerful ones—that's right, more powerful than Dumbledore—and if you don't get on the right side, you probably <em>will</em> be killed, but it doesn't have to <em>be</em> that way—I can <em>save</em> you."</p><p>Lily got right in his face. "I <em>am</em> on the right side, Sev. It's <em>you</em> who needs saving."</p><p>Snape snarled. "You've been brainwashed by <em>Potter</em>."</p><p>Lily looked stricken. "I haven't been <em>brainwashed</em> by <em>anyone</em>, Sev, it's you who's under some gross influence of a prejudicial maniac—"</p><p>Snape was talking over her, still focused on James, and his voice was raw. "I knew this would happen when you both got Head Boy and Girl, I <em>knew</em> he would get to you—"</p><p>"Potter has not <em>got</em> to me—we just work together is all—"</p><p>"That's bullshit and you know it, he <em>fancies</em> you, he's always fancied you—"</p><p>He could practically hear Lily rolling her eyes. "It is <em>not</em> bullshit, Sev, it's the truth, we work together and it's fine—"</p><p>"You used to hate him, too!"</p><p>"Well, we called a truce, Sev," Lily scoffed. "It's called being <em>adults</em>."</p><p>"I can't believe you—you're actually <em>defending</em> him."</p><p>Lily threw up her hands at that. "He's in my <em>house</em>, Sev. He's <em>Head Boy</em> with me. We have the same <em>friends</em>. And unlike <em>you</em>, he doesn't call me a <em>Mudblood</em> and he's not trying to join up with some homicidal <em>psychopath</em>, so yes, I suppose I bloody am defending him."</p><p>James positively swelled with affection for her, warmth spreading through him like he had poured Firewhiskey straight into his veins, as he watched her breathing hard, her emerald eyes gleaming in the flickering torch light, her hair bristling around her face. After what'd she said to him the other night, those were some of the nicest words Lily had ever said about him, and she was saying them to <em>Snape</em>, of all people.</p><p>Snape did not take to that well, and James saw his wand twitch at his side, his voice dripping with bitterness. "So you would choose to be his friend over mine?"</p><p>Lily's eyes flashed, her voice almost a growl. "I refuse to be friends with anyone who believes what you believe."</p><p>"You didn't answer the question."</p><p>"I don't need to! You can be my friend too, Sev, all you have to do is give up whatever Dark Arts mania you're wrapped up in."</p><p>"You don't understand!" Snape was almost shouting now.</p><p>James had heard enough. Ducking back around the corner, he dashed quietly down the staircase toward his secret alcove behind the tapestry (well, he called it "his" because he was nearly certain only he and his fellow Marauders knew about it, and only he had ever really <em>used</em> it), where he pulled off the cloak and left it in a heap in the floor before heading back to Gryffindor Landing, this time walking deliberately around the corner, his hands stuffed in his pockets.</p><p>Lily broke off from what she was saying to Snape, her face registering shock, even relief, as she saw James approach over Snape's shoulder, and Snape whipped around, his oily hair flapping around his face. James strode a few more paces towards them, then leaned back against the opposite wall, unwittingly mirroring Lily's earlier stance.</p><p>"You know, Sniv, there's this saying I've heard—starts with, <em>if you don't have anything nice to say</em>—"</p><p>Snape had whipped out his wand, sending a jinx toward James, but James was quicker and immediately deflected it, pushing himself off the wall as he advanced towards Snape.</p><p>"Bloody hell," Lily growled, stepping between them, her arms outstretched. "This is <em>not </em>happening."</p><p>James pushed past her, grabbing Snape's wrist on his wand arm and holding it out of the way.</p><p>"As I was saying." James kept his grip tight, knowing that his strength was no match for Snape, and that Snape knew it. "Apologize to Evans."</p><p>Snape glared at him through beady black eyes, his nostrils flaring.</p><p>"<em>Oh</em>, but you <em>can't</em>." James saw Snape breathing hard, debating whether he wanted to try to wrench free. "Because of your <em>stupid</em> blood obsession." James squeezed Snape's wrist harder, saw Snape trying not to wince, as James continued in his feigned conversational tone, "So…you can be <em>obsessed</em> with her, but you can't be…<em>nice</em>…to her."</p><p>Angry puce splotches were blooming on Snape's face as he determinedly avoided looking at Lily, who had been watching the James-Snape interaction like a Quidditch match.</p><p>Snape's wand hand still in his grasp, James reached for Snape's other hand, turning over his wrist as his sleeve fell back, exposing a scrawny, pale forearm covered in a swath of red pinpricks.</p><p>Lily gasped. "<em>Sev!</em>"</p><p>James dropped Snape's hand in disgust. "Working on your <em>mark</em>, there, eh?"</p><p>Snape struggled against James' grasp, spluttering, "Lily, you care to tell your guard dog to get his bloody hands off me?"</p><p>"No," she said cooly, "because he's not my <em>guard dog</em>, Sev."</p><p>Snape sneered up at James. "Could have fooled me. What, you can be <em>obsessed</em> with her, but you can't even get her to <em>like</em> you?"</p><p>James glowered at him. "That's <em>real</em> rich coming from you, Sniv."</p><p>Lily threw her hands up in disgust. "Ugh, honestly, <em>enough</em>! Sev, will you please leave? It's late and I've already told you, I'm <em>not friends with Death Eaters</em>."</p><p>The color drained from Snape's face as he looked at Lily, hurt flashing across his face.</p><p>James dropped Snape's wrist, and Snape instantly wrenched his gaze from Lily, rubbing the spot where James's grip had raised welts, and fled in a whirl of his cloak, his hair flapping behind him. James watched him go, then turned to Lily, whose eyes now blazed at him.</p><p>"I didn't need you to rescue me, Potter."</p><p>James rolled his eyes. "Am I supposed to apologize? Should I have just walked on by while he called you foul names and threatened you?"</p><p>Her eyes narrowed at him. "How long were you listening?"</p><p>He smirked. "Long enough to hear you defend me, Evans. Did my ears deceive me, or did you even insinuate you'd choose being friends with me over him?"</p><p>She turned on her heel and strode toward the Fat Lady, who was watching them intently. "Ooh my, that was very <em>gripping</em>—"</p><p>"Gillyweed."</p><p>"I would be glad he <em>was</em> there to rescue you, missy—"</p><p>"GILLYWEED."</p><p>With a scoff, the Fat Lady swung forward, and James followed Lily as she stalked through the portrait hole. The common room was empty, the fire burned out in the grate, with only the moon casting its silvery glow through the tall windows.</p><p>When she was nearly at the staircases, Lily whirled to face him, not noticing that the movement caused her dressing gown to fall open, revealing only an oversized t-shirt hanging like a minidress underneath. "I can take care of myself, you know."</p><p>James focused determinedly on her face, not trusting himself to look too closely at her. He had already seen more surface area of Lily Evans that day than he had ever imagined he would, and her t-shirt, cutting off high on her thighs, seemed to taunt him, just covering the soft, translucent skin of the hips he had seen—he had <em>touched</em>—that afternoon.</p><p>"Evans, I know you can. But that doesn't mean you have to go it alone all the time."</p><p>"You don't <em>get it</em>, Potter, you <em>can't</em>, because you're <em>pureblood</em>."</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. "What don't I get, Evans? That you're subjected to abuse and prejudice by those <em>disgusting</em> Slytherins every damn day? That you aren't ever truly safe from them, even in Hogwarts, because they lurk around attacking Muggle-borns?"</p><p>Lily's expression faltered, the ghost of a wince flashing over her face.</p><p>"Sure, I don't know how it feels to endure that, but I know about all of it. And if you think for a second that I'm going to…stop defending you, or leave you to deal with that all on your own, then you really are mental."</p><p>She glared at him, breathing deeply, and James swallowed hard at the sight of the rise and fall of her breastbone.</p><p>"Look," James continued. "I've known you for six years, Evans. I know you can handle yourself, okay? I <em>know</em> that. Why do you think I was so quick to go after Yaxley last night? Because I knew you could manage on your own. But when it comes to this…blood bullshit, and Death Eaters, and whatever the hell else…you can't go it alone. You just can't. You <em>have</em> to let us help you."</p><p>"Who's <em>us</em>?"</p><p>"Me. Our <em>friends</em>."</p><p>She was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke, it was with the resigned acceptance of knowing he was right. "I was relieved when you showed up, to be honest. Sev was getting intense, even for him." Her brow furrowed. "He's in too deep; it'll make him dangerous."</p><p>James took a step closer, gave her a small smile. "Look, you can row with me all you want about literally <em>anything</em> else, but when it comes to this…" James trailed off, shaking his head. "I'll always be on your side, Evans."</p><p>A sad smile twinged the corners of her lips as she looked up at him, her pale skin luminous in the moonlight. James felt his stomach somersault as he remembered the slippery feeling of her skin under his hands just that afternoon, the brush of her thigh against his mouth as he had twisted out from underneath her. Their gazes locked, and James swallowed hard. It was like that moment in the pool all over again, except she was farther away. She took a step closer to him and reached out her hand, cupping his arm just above his elbow.</p><p>"Thank you," she said softly.</p><p>Her hand slid away, but James caught it in his, not missing how her breath hitched as he laced his fingers between hers. She looked up at him with wide eyes, lips slightly parted, cheeks still pink from being worked up about the confrontation with Snape. He took a step closer to her, letting their laced fingers dangle to the side.</p><p>"Potter—"</p><p>"I would have kissed you in the pool today."</p><p>Her voice was barely more than a breath. "I know."</p><p>"Would you have let me?"</p><p>Her eyes frantically searched his. "I—I don't know."</p><p>He took another step closer, glanced down at their entwined fingers. "Will you let me now?"</p><p>The corner of her mouth twitched up in a smile. "Wanting to reenact something, Potter?"</p><p>He leaned down towards her, tilted his head. "I think we left off here, yeah?"</p><p>Lily inhaled sharply. "And then I ran off."</p><p>"And what if you didn't?"</p><p>Her eyes flickered down to his lips and back, and she reached a tentative hand to his neck, her fingertips like whispers against his skin.</p><p>"Then I think…I would have let you kiss me."</p><p>He reached his free hand to her waist as he leaned down to close the gap between them, meeting her lips in a soft kiss.</p><p>Time stood still. James's heartbeat thudded in his ears; heat flooded his body. Their kiss broke lightly and they kissed again, Lily's fingers sliding to grip his neck more firmly, and then they kissed a third time, James's hand sliding around to her back, and then they kissed again, but this time Lily's head was tipping back for him, her mouth opening, and James released her hand to press his into the small of her back, pulling her against him as he slid his tongue against hers and felt her hands slide through his hair.</p><p>James's head spun, Lily's fingers sending tingles down his spine, her mouth like fire on his. He held her tight against him, her breasts soft where they squished against his chest, and James's hands wandered down, fingertips sneaking under the edges of her oversized t-shirt, finding the soft curve of her hip, passing over the thin fabric of her knickers, sliding up to follow the dip of her waist, press into the bare skin of her back. Lily made a low noise in the back of her throat, her own fingers sliding down the collar of his shirt, her touch like brands searing into his skin.</p><p>He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, was consumed with her taste, her heat, her softness. It was <em>happening</em>. He was snogging <em>Lily Evans</em>. And it was better than he'd ever imagined. Her tongue was insistent against his, her hands wound tight in his hair. He knew she felt him pressing hard into her stomach by how she pushed her hips closer against him, and he groaned low in his throat, trying to kiss her deeper, pull her tighter, feel every square inch of her back and her waist and her hips that he could reach, not missing the goosebumps that prickled along her skin in the wake of his fingertips, or the way her nails scratched against his scalp when he nibbled on her lip, or the way she raised on her tiptoes to change the angle of their mouths, wrap her arms tighter around his neck, like she needed him just as close as he needed her.</p><p>He was just starting to wonder if she'd go upstairs with him or if he should just walk her to the nearest wall when the portrait hole burst open and they sprung apart, James immediately turning around, hands on his hips.</p><p>Sirius and Mary's drunken giggles and shrieks echoed loudly through the common room, followed immediately by a thud and loud, slurred swear. James whipped his head over his shoulder, fleetingly meeting Lily's shell-shocked eyes, and then he turned to take in their friends.</p><p>Who had somehow fallen into a heap on the floor and managed to take a spare coat tree down with them.</p><p>"Pads?"</p><p>Muffled gibberish floated toward him. James exchanged an incredulous look with Lily, whose mouth had fallen completely open. They started laughing at the same time, and picked their way through the dark common room to their babbling, groaning friends. Mary was barely conscious, her eyes glassy as she mumbled nonsense, and Sirius wasn't much better. James reached down to start pulling their limbs apart, and he quickly realized they were <em>wet</em>. And smelled like <em>bubblebath</em>.</p><p>"Were they—" Lily looked at him, eyes wide. "Did they go <em>back</em>?"</p><p>James shrugged. "Must've. I'd been gone for awhile."</p><p>"Gone?"</p><p>"Yeah, just out for a midnight stroll, I guess."</p><p>"Not like you to skip out on a common room party."</p><p>James paused from his work at disentangling the uncooperative forms of Sirius and Mary. "Actually, Evans, sometimes it sort of is." He met her gaze, trying to say the next part as nicely as he could. "You just weren't, you know, around the common room enough last year to know that."</p><p>She looked like he had slapped her, her expression frozen. James thought it best to keep talking.</p><p>"Sometimes I just…need to go clear my head, I guess. The grounds, the castle—it's quiet at night, everything is still. I do my best thinking when I'm out there."</p><p>She was staring at him like she didn't recognize him. James chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm not fifteen anymore, Evans."</p><p>The words came out like a mutter under her breath. "<em>Clearly</em>."</p><p>They worked methodically, it now taking more concentration to get Mary up and wrapped around Lily, and then Sirius up and wrapped around James, and then half-carry them across the common room.</p><p>"You okay getting Mac by yourself?"</p><p>"Yeah, fine. Not the first time."</p><p>James chuckled. "They so owe us."</p><p>Lily's voice was suddenly small, hesitant. "Do you think they…saw?"</p><p>James's pulse quickened, knowing immediately she was referring to their groping make-out session just several minutes before. "I don't think they'll remember even if they did."</p><p>Lily nodded, biting her lip.</p><p>They paused awkwardly at the staircases, the ghost of their kiss thick in the air. James was still mostly in shock, and he thought Lily looked like she still was, too. And with their drunk, babbling friends hanging over their shoulders, what was there to say?</p><p>Sirius blubbered nonsense, pawing at James's face, and Lily giggled. Apparently his best friend could be trusted to diffuse the tension even when utterly sloshed.</p><p>James reached for neutral ground, flashing her a cheeky grin. "See you in…what, six hours? Didn't we say eight?"</p><p>Earlier that night, at dinner, their friends had all decided they should do the responsible thing, and start their first Sunday back bright and early with a marathon study session to do all the homework they had put off thus far. Whether they held to that remained to be seen.</p><p>She groaned, as if just remembering that dinner agreement, and mumbled, "Yes, I suppose so. Goodnight, Potter."</p><p>"'Night, Evans."</p><p>And he hauled his drunk friend up to their dormitory, dropping him unceremoniously on his bed, and then lay awake for another hour, reliving that kiss over and over in his mind, wondering if she was doing the same thing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Just Trying To Help A Bloke Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Darling, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had to write you the second I got home. Lily is wonderful. I'm so impressed—I see exactly why Dumbledore picked her, and exactly why he paired the both of you together. There's just something about you two. If you really have rowed as often and as intensely as you say you have (are you sure you're not exaggerating?) then I expect it's only because you're so terribly alike.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Liking Lily as much as you and your father do, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mum</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you sitting down? You might want to sit down. I</em>
  <em>'ll wait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay. I kissed Evans. Let</em>
  <em>'s just say we reenacted the fireside moment we don't remember almost having. You can ask Dad what that means. And let's also say it was the kind of kiss I wouldn't want anyone walking in on. Except then we were walked in on by Sirius and Mac, whose turn it was to be drunken idiots, as they fell (literally) into the common room. Anyway. I'm mad about her, which goes without saying, but I don't know what this means for us. We haven't exactly talked about it yet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Um, I never exaggerated. We have rowed plenty, sometimes very intensely, over the past few years. I think I know how to row with her better than I know how to get along with her, to be honest. But we</em>
  <em>'re making an effort. And we're not alike. What even? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Also, trials were excellent, we added two fifth years to the squad: Emmeline Vance (Chaser - you might remember her older brothers?) and Hugh McClaggen (Keeper - he seems like he may be a bit of an arse like his dad, but he saved everything except two shots from me, so he</em>
  <em>'s it). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>ALSO, Slughorn</em>
  <em>'s party last night. Dumbledore said he's filling you in on everything (including what I saw). I'll leave it at that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Going to attempt to study,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>James, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I</em>
  <em>'m grinning ear to ear (about Lily), and so is your father (partially about Lily, but also about trials). Hmm let's see. Intelligent, passionate, driven, stubborn, cheeky, challenging…who might those words describe, in addition to my son? Lily. (Her name is Lily, James. Not Evans). I rest my case, and your father concurs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Vances are lovely people, I</em>
  <em>'ve met both Rich and Al several times, and the McClaggens are obnoxious, as you know, but they still bleed Gryffindor, so what can you do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have already spoken at length with Albus today. Look out for yourself, and Lily. We</em>
  <em>'ll be in touch as we learn anything. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sending a big hug, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mum </em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.s., Talk to her, please. Preferably without getting stubborn and starting a row? I'll be eager for your owl.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>To James's surprise, the marathon study session did hold.</p><p>The next morning, he wandered down the staircase, headed toward breakfast in black joggers and one of his black Montrose Magpies sweatshirts, to find Remus, Marlene, and Peter already staking out the prime spot by the fire, pulling a couple of tables and several chairs haphazardly together. Leaving their bags scattered over the tables in a plain mark of territory, they went down to the Great Hall, and it didn't take long until Dahlia and Lily were walking toward the Gryffindor table to join them. James's stomach did an odd sort of lurch at the sight of them together. They were almost matching, both wearing leggings with something oversized on top, Dahlia being consumed in a chunky knit sweater and Lily sporting a Holyhead Harpies hoodie that almost looked like a dress on her, a sight that made James's stomach do an extra somersault on the spot. Instead of her usual plait, Lily's hair was piled in an artfully sloppy knot on the top of her head, and James thought her cheeks looked slightly pink as she sat opposite him, next to Marlene.</p><p>"I didn't know you support the Harpies, Evans," he said conversationally before taking a bite of toast.</p><p>She immediately reached for the coffee, not meeting his eyes as she shrugged and said, "There's probably a lot of things you don't know about me, Potter."</p><p>He chewed slowly at that, sliding his gaze over to Dahlia, who was pouring her orange juice with her eyebrows in her hair, her lips in a round <em>oh</em> but not daring to look at him.</p><p>So <em>that's</em> how things were going to go. James figured he might as well push his luck. "Do you, like…<em>support them</em>, support them?"</p><p>Lily gave him somewhat of a dark look through her eyelashes as she buttered her toast. "I picked them when I was eleven and learned what Quidditch was. I don't follow the season super closely, but they're my team, I guess."</p><p>Just then, Mary and Sirius sidled up to the table, both looking particularly worse for wear, and both collapsing with their heads in their arms as soon as they sat down.</p><p>"What happened to <em>you</em> lot?" James teased, having a very strong hunch of exactly <em>what</em>.</p><p>Sirius grunted into his arm and Mary mumbled something that sort of resembled "Firewhisky," though James couldn't be sure. James exchanged a wink with Remus and turned back to his toast.</p><p>Once they had managed to eat what they could in their varying states of hangover, the seventh years traipsed back to the common room, taking over the tables they had pushed together near the fire, and set to painstaking work. James always worked best when he could hunker down like this; it was like the pressure of the clock made his brain work faster. He finished Herbology and Charms essays by lunch, took a break to swing by the owlry to write his mum and then duck down to the kitchens with Peter and Remus (Sirius still not capable of walking long distances very well) to fetch sandwiches for everyone, and then set to Potions with Dahlia, since they were turning in work as partners.</p><p>"Oh, wait," Dahlia told him as he was pulling out his Potions book, "I invited Lily and Sirius to do Potions with us."</p><p>James met her eye, eyebrows high on his forehead, as he muttered, "Were you at the same breakfast table I was?"</p><p>Dahlia flashed him her elfish grin as she called, "Hey, Lil. We're doing Potions if you want to join in?"</p><p>Lily looked up at them from her perch on the floor, syllabary open in her lap, pages of translations set in neat piles around her. For a moment, James thought she looked like she was going to politely decline, but then she seemed to catch herself, and she nodded, getting up carefully amidst her ordered piles.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks. My partner's a bit—"</p><p>They all looked over at the couch, where Sirius was curled on one end, Mary on the other, both asleep.</p><p>With a sideways smile to James, Dahlia cleared space on the table for Lily as she said, "Looks like just short answer questions. The first one is properties of Chinese Chomping Cabbage, the question says there should be eight, but I've only got five…"</p><p>"Is that when Pete made the joke about salad?" James asked her.</p><p>Dahlia giggled. "I think so because look, I wrote, <em>not salad</em> in the margins, like <em>that</em> was supposed to help me remember…"</p><p>Lily sat across from James and started riffling through her Potions notes. "I'm pretty sure I have them…" She scanned Dahlia's parchment, then set to skimming through her pages of notes, setting them down on the table as she went. One in particular caught James' eye because it had handwriting that he knew as well as his own—Sirius's.</p><p>Lily seemed entirely occupied, so James reached out a hand and turned the sheet closer towards him, feeling his stomach turn uncomfortably as he saw the letter <em>J</em> in Sirius's handwriting. Shit. Her and Sirius were passing notes. About <em>him</em>.</p><p>He started at the top and scanned through them properly, which didn't take long. <em>Friends? Sure. Last night? NO. Had to ask. Make up with J?</em></p><p>Ok, so that was far less dramatic than he'd expected.</p><p>It was the last message, the not-responded-to message, that sent a jolt through him. This had to have been from their first class, the morning after their row in their office. Well, he considered their subsequent hug-and-forehead-kiss situation on Wednesday to be a sufficient make up from Sunday, and then there had been the Thursday apology-plus-hand-hold, which had seemed to more fully resolve the Sunday row, and <em>then</em> there was <em>Saturday </em>(well, technically Sunday morning, but whatever) when they had finally, actually, snogged—which left them…what? Dancing around each other in careful civility?</p><p>He looked up from the parchment to see Lily's eyes on him, glittering with something that looked dangerously like amusement. "Finding anything interesting, Potter?"</p><p>James smirked, pushing the sheet back under the page of actual notes. "You take good notes, Evans."</p><p>He'd have to ask Sirius about this later, if his friend ever returned to functioning as a normal human.</p><p>The rest of the afternoon and evening passed in productive, nondramatic fashion. James completed Potions with Dahlia and Lily, spending possibly his first companionable afternoon in her company. Aside from going over Charms the other night, they had never studied together before, and maybe it was the presence of so many of their friends around them, but not only were they cordial—they actually studied <em>well </em>together. He had always known she was brilliant, of course, she <em>was</em> at the top of their class and taking seven N.E.W.T.s, but it wasn't until actually studying with her that James quickly realized how Lily's brain was constantly two steps ahead. His own brain—like his temper, it seemed—rose to her challenge, and he found that he kept up with her pace when they talked points through, sometimes pointing out things she had missed, while she pinned him down on details that he otherwise would have ignored. There were a handful of moments where one of them was trying to explain a concept to someone else, and they seemed to be the only two that got it (though, in fairness, they did also seem to be two of the least hungover of the bunch). James found himself smiling at her whenever this happened, feeling for the first time like they understood each other—like they actually <em>were</em> finally setting down the initial roots of friendship.</p><p>Because studying together is what friends did—right? Right.</p><p>James determinedly avoided all thoughts of the day before while she was in such close proximity, but it was a far more trying task than this monster of a Transfiguration essay due Tuesday. Not only had he seen her in a bathing suit that showed off her curves in all their glory, but then he had <em>felt</em> some of them, had had his hands on the bare skin of hips and waist and back. All day, he was tormented by wondering what, if anything, would have happened if Sirius and Mary hadn't fallen through the portrait hole, and at least every hour, he found himself grateful for her oversized sweatshirt, keeping her body hidden from his sight, though the fact that it was a Quidditch hoodie sort of cancelled that out because it somehow made him want her just as much.</p><p>James couldn't figure it out, but Lily managed to look both sexy and adorable at the same time. It was something about the way her hair was piled atop her head, how it seemed to change the shape of her face, make her eyes seem brighter. Or maybe it was the soft furrow of her brow as she searched for something in her notes, or the way she chewed her lip when she was thinking what to write. And there was also something alluring in the way she pulled herself forward onto her hands and knees, surveying her neat piles around her before reaching for the item she needed and sitting back crosslegged, her work in her lap. Mid-way through the afternoon, he had actually resorted to facing a different direction, because he had been constantly catching himself watching her.</p><p>After another brief break for dinner, they all settled in for their evening shift. James was still wading his way through Transfiguration, having spent much of the afternoon distracted by Lily before realizing that he needed to catch up on a good amount of reading in order to write a halfway decent essay. Their friends were rearranged at various points in the area, with even Sirius and Mary starting to decently function as human beings.</p><p>It was at some point around nine that the night took a turn, as both Lily and James realized they each needed to consult notes or books they had left in their office, and they set off for the fifth floor together.</p><p>As soon as they were sufficiently out of hearing distance of the Fat Lady, James started, "Evans—"</p><p>"No, Potter."</p><p>"You don't—"</p><p>"I do, and the answer's no."</p><p>"Evans—"</p><p>"<em>No</em>, Potter. We're not talking about it on our way through the bloody <em>castle</em>."</p><p>"So are we going to talk about it downst—<em>oomph!</em>"</p><p>James had ran smack-dab into McGonagall while turning a corner, and he immediately set into apologizing as she clutched her chest in surprise.</p><p>"<em>Goodness</em>, Potter, that's quite alright, I took that corner far too fast, though you're exactly who I was coming to see."</p><p>"Er, what for, Professor?"</p><p>James immediately ran through all possible rules he could have broken thus far before remembering that he was Head Boy, which was the more likely reason why McGonagall was coming to fetch him.</p><p>"Well, I have a rather strange, erm, situation. You see, Dumbledore is traveling this weekend, Slughorn is off at a dinner party, the Baron is nowhere to be found, and he's refused to listen to me ever since the gum incident, so I was hoping you might go try to…<em>get through</em> to him."</p><p>James was utterly bewildered. "Who?"</p><p>McGonagall looked between James and Lily like he had just asked her what a dragon was. "Peeves! He's causing a <em>racket</em> in the dungeons, I've already dealt with two crying first years, and it sounds like he's exploding the store cupboards, it will be a <em>miracle</em> if anything survives…"</p><p>So instead of going to the fifth floor toward their office, he and Lily changed course and went down to the dungeons where, sure enough, Peeves was in full-on destruction mode. It took a whole hour to wheedle him into leaving, though James eventually did by bribing Peeves with helping to prank Filch (to which Lily had promptly lectured him about how he would need to dock points from himself if he did so). But once Peeves had zoomed out of the classroom, James's relief was short-lived, as he and Lily were left with the aftermath of his mess. Begrudgingly, James accepted that he wouldn't be getting any more done on his Transfiguration essay that night as they set themselves to the task of putting the contents of that particular store cupboard back together.</p><p>While James had been somewhat craving, on the heels of the night before, another experience that put him in close proximity to Lily, this particular store cupboard was positively cramped, with barely enough space for two people to move about comfortably. By unspoken agreement, they divided sides in an attempt to not invade each other's space more than it already seemed like they were and set to work repairing and cleaning what they could, though they couldn't avoid bumping into each other and had long stopped apologizing for it.</p><p>"Look, Evans—"</p><p>"Not now, Potter."</p><p>"What's your excuse this time?"</p><p>"That it's late and I'm trying to concentrate on getting this done."</p><p>Eh, he supposed that was fair. He was ready to get out of this storage cupboard.</p><p>Then, "Hey, I'm not tall enough, can you—?"</p><p>He turned, seeing her reaching for a top shelf where a jar in the back was tipped over.</p><p>"Yeah." It was high enough that James even had to get on his tip-toes in order to reach it, coaxing it forward with his fingertips until he could hand it to her. "Here, hold."</p><p>Pulling his wand from his pocket, he reached over the top shelf and summoned the jar's spilled, gloopy contents to fly back into the jar in Lily's hands before resealing it. Their fingers brushed in the hand-off, sending a small jolt through him, and once he had put the jar back and was facing Lily, his breath caught at how close they were. One small step, and he could have kissed her again. Another small step, and he could have had her pinned against the beam of the shelving behind her. A swooping, fluttery sensation filled him at the realization.</p><p>Lily said, "Thanks," her voice slightly hoarse, and then she turned back to the shelf in front of her, the skin around her neck pink. James swallowed, gave a quiet, "No problem, Evans," and turned back to his own shelf, stuck in his own ruminations.</p><p>They were about finished when they heard it: the not-so-distant sound of footsteps, a handle turning at the classroom door. James wasn't sure what made him do it, but in that split-second his reaction was to cut the store cupboard light and shut and lock the door, trapping him and Lily inside. Moments later, the door to the Potions classroom swung open with a loud creak.</p><p>Lily stood still as stone next to him. Though they didn't have any overhead light in the cupboard, the light filtering through the crack at the bottom of the door was enough to help James see her decently well once his eyes adjusted to the dark.</p><p>The Potions classroom door swung back closed with a clank, and then the occupants spoke, not bothering to keep their voices down.</p><p>"He's away at a dinner party tonight?" asked a sickly sweet feminine voice.</p><p>"Yeah, he's always out late when he has those." <em>Dolohov</em>.</p><p>"Lucky me," simpered the feminine voice.</p><p>James looked at Lily and jerked his thumb toward the door, mouthing a silent question. <em>Who is she?</em></p><p>Lily leaned up to his ear and whispered softly, "Drucilla Flint, sixth year." James nodded, feeling uncomfortable from Lily's breath hot on his face, her body heat seeming to radiate over him from where they stood in the cramped store cupboard.</p><p>Dolohov asked, "Dru, you said you knew something?"</p><p>Lily seemed impatient, and she reached a hand to the door handle and looked up at James. He put a hand out to stop her, shaking his head and holding a finger to his lips.</p><p>"Well, I heard, over summer—about how you passed your…<em>test</em>."</p><p>James thought Dolohov seemed pleased. "It wasn't hard."</p><p>"Did they put up a fight?"</p><p>"Hardly. They were no match for me. Just some Mudblood trash that needed to be…taken out."</p><p>Lily inhaled sharply and she covered her mouth promptly with her hands. James's blood boiled in his veins, white hot anger searing through him as he comprehended what he was hearing.</p><p>"Well, if you're all wanting some more fun here at school, I found out who the new Mudbloods are."</p><p>"No offense, Dru, but I've known that since the first day of school. Anything else?"</p><p>Drucilla's voice was coy, dragging her words like she was dangling a prize. "I might have heard some intel on Evans."</p><p>James felt Lily tense beside him.</p><p>"Oh? Do tell, Dru."</p><p>"Her and Bones broke up."</p><p>Dolohov sounded annoyed. "So he finally came to his senses and got rid of his Mudblood brat. And I care about this <em>why</em>?"</p><p>Lily was positively bristling beside him, and James didn't even think; he reached out and put a hand on her arm, gave her a gentle squeeze. <em>Stay calm</em>.</p><p>Drucilla drawled, "Tell me what I get for explaining the obvious to you."</p><p>Dolohov's voice seemed an octave lower as he said, "You get whatever you want, Dru."</p><p>James swallowed hard, wondering exactly what type of transaction was happening here.</p><p>Drucilla seemed pleased, however, as she continued, "Since she's not with Bones, she hasn't been surrounded in the library all the time. It sounds like she's mostly in the common room. Sev got her out this weekend, said it was a cinch, but Potter showed up, and Sev said he complicated things."</p><p>Dolohov swore. "Fucking <em>Potter.</em> Well, he can't be around all the time. Sev said it was easy to lure her out?"</p><p>Drucilla positively purred as she said, "Oh, <em>yes</em>. She'll <em>always</em> meet him, all he has to do is send her a note with something stupidly sappy about their <em>childhood</em> and their <em>friendship</em>, and the stupid bitch will come running."</p><p>James snuck a glance down at Lily and thought her eyes looked watery, though she was now rolling her wand in her hand; he slid his hand from her arm down to her wrist, and when she looked over at him, he put a finger to his lips. Her mouth pressed into a thin line, but her wand hand stilled.</p><p>"Wait, Dru, why was Potter there? Wasn't Sev doing this late, when everyone would be in bed?"</p><p>"How should I know what Potter was doing? Sev said he just showed up, not from the common room but from the stairs."</p><p>"Huh." James could tell that Dolohov was thinking, and he didn't like when Dolohov did that, because the git was actually wicked smart.</p><p>Dolohov seemed to give up on it though, merely saying, "Probably out shagging some wench, I expect."</p><p>James felt his jaw drop as he stared at the store cupboard door. That was fucking <em>rich</em> coming from <em>him</em>, He Who Hath Shagged Half Slytherin House. Besides, Dahlia had been his <em>girlfriend </em>thank you very much, and despite how much Adelaide annoyed him, he would never call her a <em>wench</em>. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily twitch, and he turned to see her clamping her hands over her mouth again, this time stifling a giggle. James rolled his eyes.</p><p>Drucilla seemed to agree with James on one point. "Selwyn's alright. Our mums are friends."</p><p>James made a mental note to give Cordelia Selwyn a dirty look the next time he saw her.</p><p>"Don't tell me you've been talking to Selwyn, I know all she ever talks about is fucking Potter—literally."</p><p>Though he didn't particularly like that a Slytherin girl tailing Lily apparently knew intimate details about his sex life, James got the impression that this wasn't a new topic, and was probably a rather sore one, which made him feel incrementally better knowing Dolohov resented him for it.</p><p>Drucilla teased him, "What's wrong, don't like having some competition?"</p><p>"He's not my <em>competition</em>," Dolohov snapped.</p><p>Drucilla laughed. "Selwyn did say he got her three times in one night once…"</p><p>James closed his eyes as Dolohov growled and Lily sucked in a breath next to him. Did that damned girl keep <em>anything</em> to herself?</p><p>"Prove to me you can do it too, or I might just have to have a go with Potter myself."</p><p>James cringed and Lily clapped her hands to her mouth again, but James wasn't sure if it was in laughter or disgust; he sincerely hoped the latter.</p><p>"Oh come <em>on</em>, lighten up, I was <em>kidding</em>. You have such a stupid ego complex with him."</p><p>Dolohov must've been sick of talking about James, a sentiment with which James concurred, because he abruptly changed the subject back to Lily.</p><p>"So we know one way we can get to Evans…we need more. Is there anywhere else she goes?"</p><p>"There is one place, I'm not sure what it is. It's on fifth floor, by the Prefects' Bathroom."</p><p>"And you're just telling me this <em>now?</em>"</p><p>"Well, you got me sidetracked—"</p><p>"This is a way better option than relying on her meeting Sev—"</p><p>"Except Potter goes to this room too—"</p><p>Dolohov growled again. "<em>Why</em> is it always fucking <em>Potter</em>—"</p><p>"—maybe <em>they're</em> shagging—"</p><p>James's stomach flipped; he couldn't look at Lily, though he felt her tense beside him.</p><p>"I thought they hated each other." Dolohov sounded ticked off. "This <em>whole time</em>, we've been operating under the assumption they hate each other. Now you're telling me they're <em>shagging</em>?"</p><p>Drucilla sounded exasperated, as if Dolohov wasn't keeping up fast enough with the intricacies of Hogwarts gossip. "I don't <em>know</em> if they're shagging, I'm <em>guessing</em> they're shagging because they both go to this mysterious <em>room</em>. Plus, Potter's a free agent because him and Frenchie broke it off, though, from what Selwyn heard about the World Cup, I think <em>they're</em> still shagging too…"</p><p>The air between James and Lily seemed to crackle. He was going to <em>murder</em> Adelaide.</p><p>"Huh…" Drucilla seemed to be thinking out loud. "Potter <em>is</em> sort of slutty, isn't he?"</p><p>James scowled at the door. He was a lot of things, but he wasn't <em>slutty</em>.</p><p>Dolohov seemed tired, again, of talking about James. "So you have Sev nailed down, and you have this fifth floor room. It's good work, Dru, but we need more."</p><p>"I'll have my minions keep tailing," Drucilla said sweetly. "We're only a week in, they're <em>bound</em> to turn up more goods. What're you gonna do to her, anyway?"</p><p>Lily stiffened, if it was possible, even more.</p><p>"You know I can't tell you that."</p><p>"Oh, <em>come on</em>, you can give me a hint."</p><p>"I can't Dru, it's Inner Circle business. But it'll be good, I promise you. No Mudblood'll want to even <em>try</em> coming to Hogwarts when we're done with her."</p><p>It took James a moment to process that for what it was—a threat on Lily's life, in no short order—and so he didn't realize at first that the words on the other side of the door had been replaced by sounds that were decidedly…not words. His eyes snapped to Lily, who was looking up at him with what he imagined was a mirror expression of shock to his own.</p><p>Within another minute, the noises from the other door were heating up, forming a low symphony of wet sucking sounds, soft moans, and rustlings of clothing being pulled off.</p><p>James ran his hands through his hair, in disbelief of what he was hearing, of the whole situation. He was trapped in a cramped Potions store cupboard—with<em> Lily Evans</em>—while Antonin Dolohov, their mutual enemy (at least they shared <em>something</em>), was about to be doing decidedly sexual things on the other side of the door. Oh, and he was doing said things in exchange for information <em>about Lily </em>from his equally as twisted, scheming Slytherin lover.</p><p>He tried not to look at Lily, tried to keep his eyes fixed determinedly at a point on the wall, but the heat seemed to be rising in the cupboard as the sounds of snogging intensified on the other side of the door.</p><p>Suddenly, they stopped. James frowned. As much as he would have loved for them to be done so he and Lily could sneak out of this store cupboard, it seemed too good to be true. Lily was looking at him, her brow quirked in a question, but James shook his head, listening hard. Then, a moment later, his suspicion was confirmed, and James closed his eyes again, clenching his jaw as he heard Dolohov groan, "<em>Fuck</em>, Dru, I love you on your fucking knees."</p><p>James thought that was a tad sadistic, given that the ground in the dungeon was rough stone, but as Dolohov clearly had a girl down on him while James didn't, he figured he wasn't in much of a place to judge. Instead, vaguely disturbed at himself, he set his mind firmly toward trying <em>not</em> to get an erection as he listened to the ragged breaths and dirty sentences coming out of Dolohov's mouth, his own carnal memories of mouths doing that to <em>him </em>unwittingly floating to the surface of his mind.</p><p>It wasn't that he <em>wanted</em> to be turned on, he rationalized to himself. If anything, knowing it was Dolohov on the other side of the door seemed to be mitigating things slightly in his favor. But as Drucilla paused to say something particularly filthy to Dolohov that was nearly identical to something Adelaide had said to him last year (did girls really talk <em>that</em> much?), he nearly groaned and knew that if he kept listening to this—which he was stuck doing—his rational brain was ultimately going to lose its silent battle with his body.</p><p>And obviously it didn't help that Lily was next to him. He thought she was similarly in shock, having barely moved since Dolohov's dirty talk clued them in to what was going on out there, but he sincerely doubted she was as uncomfortable as he was. Fuck, her physical presence alone was enough to get him aroused. James's mind immediately flashed to the bathing suit she had worn in the Prefects' Bathroom the day before. She had looked fucking <em>incredible</em>. He could still picture the curve of her milky white hip, the roundness of her bum in her cheeky bottoms, the slopes of her breasts held tight in place by those simple pieces of fabric.</p><p>But possibly, even better than all of that, had been the look she had given him when she first noticed him. She had looked<em> hungry</em>. There was simply no other way to describe it. He had seen Lily cheerful, mopey, angry, indifferent, humored, annoyed, and even flirtatious (with other boys, not with him), but he had never before seen such a primal look on her face. Like she fancied him. Like she <em>wanted</em> him. Instead of looking away, she had stared him down, and that's when he <em>knew</em> he had caught her in the act of checking him out, <em>knew</em> that desire on her face was her reaction to <em>him</em>. He had looked over her whole body, knowing she was watching him, and something about that had made him want her even more. It had felt like a silent conversation, a returned <em>I want you, too</em>, and if their subsequent kiss hadn't been interrupted, James suspected that silent conversation might have just kept going.</p><p>James turned to face the store cupboard shelves, his hands laced behind his head, as he tried to take deep, steadying breaths. Snippets of Dolohov and Drucilla's conversation caught in his mind, enough for James to understand that Drucilla was positively playing with him, making him beg for it.</p><p>They were going to be there for awhile, then.</p><p>Lily, seemingly assuming that Dolohov and Drucilla would be sufficiently occupied so as to not notice any whispers coming from behind the door of the store cupboard, hissed, "I will <em>never</em> forgive McGonagall for sending us down here."</p><p>James smirked, then threw a whisper back over his shoulder, "Think we should give her a full report?"</p><p>"Don't even joke about that, she'd probably have a heart attack on the spot."</p><p>"Probably true."</p><p>"Can't we figure out a way out of here?"</p><p>James shook his head. "The only way out is through that door. We wait."</p><p>"Is there a reason you're talking to the shelf instead of me?"</p><p>He swallowed hard. "You're a smart witch, Evans, I think you can figure it out."</p><p>She scoffed softly. "Don't tell me you're—"</p><p>James braced himself against the beams of the shelving and looked back at her over his shoulder. Her mouth fell open.</p><p>"Fucking Merlin, you really have a <em>boner</em> right now?"</p><p>He turned partially toward her, his retort quick on his tongue. "I'm a <em>bloke</em>, Evans, and I'm stuck listening to—"</p><p>Drucilla picked that moment to moan loudly about what Dolohov should do with his mouth, the two evidently having swapped roles. James waived an arm in the general direction of the door, resting his case.</p><p>Lily sighed from where she was behind him; James saw her standing with her arms crossed, could sense the rigidness of her body, knew they couldn't get any further apart because of how cramped the cupboard was.</p><p>"Should we talk about…I don't know. The essays we still need to write? Or do we need a topic even more dull than that?"</p><p>James chuckled. "Are you trying to <em>help</em> me, Evans?"</p><p>"Don't make me regret my attempt at a good deed, Potter."</p><p>"Well." James swallowed. "As much as I appreciate the valiant effort, there's really only one, ah, <em>deed</em> that will <em>actually</em> help."</p><p>"Fucking<em> hell</em>, you did not just say that."</p><p>James gave her a sheepish grin. "You did walk right into it, Evans."</p><p>"You're unbelievable," she hissed back. "It's <em>Dolohov</em> out there—"</p><p>"It's not about <em>him</em>, it's about what they're <em>doing</em>—"</p><p>With Dolohov's mouth seemingly sufficiently occupied, only Drucilla's moans and gasps floated through the store cupboard door, steadily getting louder. Then, "<em>Yes</em>, Ani—oh <em>fuck</em> yes—"</p><p>James cringed. She called him <em>Ani?</em> Well, he supposed the git's first name was Antonin, so it sort of made sense. But at the same time as these perfectly rational thoughts skated through his brain, memories flashed around behind them of the first time <em>he</em> had been on his knees, the first time <em>he</em> had made a girl moan like that.</p><p>It had been with Dahlia, in an abandoned classroom on the seventh floor that most people probably didn't know about because it was down a lone side corridor with no other rooms and hidden behind a very nondescript door. James had only discovered it with his friends as part of their years-long crusade to explore every nook and cranny of the castle, but its proximity to Gryffindor Tower made it perfect for sneaking out with girls. They had spent a lot of time in that classroom, he and Dahlia. Though he had had sex before her and thought he was rather good at it (Adelaide's bragging only further supporting that notion), Dahlia had opened a whole new door of what it could be and James, never one to do things by halves, had taken it in stride and let her teach him more about the female body than he had ever dreamed would be possible to know.</p><p>See, once he set his mind to something—like when he had decided to become an Animagus in his second year and spent the next three studying before finally making it happen—he had to master it. There was just no other option. It was the same with Quidditch, and it had turned out to be the same with sex. That first time, Dahlia had sat at the edge of the long, empty teacher's desk at the front of that abandoned classroom, leaning back on her palms, her legs draped over James' shoulders, and gasped quiet instructions to him, which he had memorized as he carried them out. She had eventually laid back fully along the desk, her back arched while her hands pulled his hair, her small thighs squeezing tight around his face while she made the same guttural cries currently emanating from Drucilla on the other side of the door.</p><p>James faintly wondered if Lily would sound like that, too, then belatedly tried to cut off the thought out of pure self-preservation.</p><p>Lily whispered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like, "<em>Boys</em>."</p><p>He turned partially toward her, the next whispered words out of his mouth before he could help himself. "Can you honestly tell me that you can listen to her <em>come</em> and not be the slightest bit turned on right now?"</p><p>Lily inhaled sharply, and James thought her breath seemed shaky. He could see her eyes widen in surprise as they glittered in the dark, could sense the dark flush creeping up around her neck. Bloody hell, she <em>was</em>. James turned to face her fully, unable to keep the smirk from his lips.</p><p>"You bloody <em>are</em>. Admit it, Evans, you're fucking turned on."</p><p>She seethed at him, breathing deeply through her nose as she flushed an even deeper red, but she didn't deny it.</p><p>"And you realize it's worse for me because you're here, right?"</p><p>She still didn't say anything, and there was a sudden flurry of raunchy half-sentences amongst the scraping of desks that told James they were finally getting to Act III out there. He thought he sensed Lily swallow hard and he put his hands on his hips, leaning slightly closer to her.</p><p>"You realize that all I can think about is yesterday? Do you have any idea what it was like for me to be around you in that pool, bloody put you on my <em>shoulders</em>, when you fucking looked like that?"</p><p>He couldn't explain why he started telling her this, other than his brain was addled from listening to the sounds of pleasure coming from the other side of the door and being so close to her after yesterday and he vaguely thought that if she wasn't in the room, he probably would have just taken care of himself on the spot.</p><p>Lily's face seemed closer than it had been before; he could feel the warmth of her breath when she whispered, "Tell me."</p><p>Talking, even in hushed whispers, was far better than just standing there listening to the pornographic sounds coming through the door, so he didn't even think as he spilled his guts to her.</p><p>"Evans, I had a massive boner the whole time, you just couldn't see because I had charmed my shorts to hide it—"</p><p>"—how did you do <em>that</em>?"</p><p>"—combination of disillusionment and concealment charms—"</p><p>"That's honestly kind of impressive…"</p><p>"—er, thanks, I guess?"</p><p>Lily <em>smirked</em> at him. "It must be so<em> hard</em>, being a boy."</p><p>"You have no fucking idea."</p><p>"The whole afternoon?" she pried.</p><p>"Yes, Evans," James hissed through his teeth.</p><p>"How about dinner?"</p><p>He swallowed hard. "Er—no."</p><p>"Only when I'm in a skimpy bathing suit, huh?"</p><p>Was that a trick question? He couldn't tell if she was winding up him or on the path to anger. Her eyes glittered at him through the dark, the decorative gold lines on her Holyhead Harpies sweatshirt catching faint rays of light from the crack at the floor, shining only inches away from him.</p><p>James pinched the bridge of his nose, his other hand on his hip. He vaguely realized he had been facing her for awhile now, still aroused as ever, and even though it was dark in there, it wasn't dark enough that she couldn't see. He found he didn't even care anymore, like they were too far gone down this bizarre, baring conversation for any sense of decency to matter.</p><p>"<em>No</em>, Evans, because I got off in the shower when we got back to our dorm so I could bloody make it <em>through</em> dinner."</p><p><em>That</em> admission seemed to shock her into silence, which was quickly filled by the crescendoing scraping noises, groans, and dirty commands of what Drucilla wanted <em>Ani</em> to do.</p><p>Was it his imagination, or was Lily infinitesimally closer to him? Her face seemed bigger, her eyes wider as they glittered through the dark. "What did you think about?"</p><p>James swallowed, clenching his jaw so tight he thought he might crack a tooth. "<em>You</em>, what d'you expect?"</p><p>He heard her smirk softly. "I'm gonna need more details than that."</p><p>His voice seemed stuck somewhere in his throat.</p><p>"I think I have a right to know what I do inside your head, Potter."</p><p>His nose brushed against hers; her fingertips pressed lightly into his ribs over his sweatshirt. Wait, when had he leaned his head down? How had they gotten this close?</p><p>More scraping of desks, more naughty commands. James vaguely thought it sounded like a game between them out there, some twisted level of teasing that he didn't want to understand.</p><p>"I thought about staying in the pool with you—alone."</p><p>Lily ducked her head around his face, lining her cheek with his to put her lips right against his ear. "What happened next?"</p><p>His fingertips pressed lightly at her waist, his pulse racing. He tilted his face against hers so his own lips were directly over her ear as he whispered, "I pinned you against the side. And I fucked you."</p><p>He heard her gasp softly, felt the tickle of her hair against his cheek. He was nuzzling her ear, pressing his lips against that patch of skin just beneath it that he normally never saw. He felt Lily pulling a handful of his sweatshirt in his hands, pressing her hip against his—</p><p>He groaned under his breath, gripping her sides to still her movement, as his mind raced. His throat was tight, his mouth dry. Lily's hip was still solidly, <em>intentionally</em>, pressed against where he was positively throbbing for her.</p><p>"Evans?"</p><p>She didn't speak, just pressed her lips against his throat. His whole body relaxed under her touch, though his heart was pounding. He slid his hands under her sweatshirt and to the small of her back, pulling her closer to him, nuzzling into her neck, the honey scent of her hair filling his nose.</p><p>That's when he felt it—her <em>hand</em> touching him through his joggers. He pulled his head up, tried to speak, but she pressed the fingers of her other hand against his lips while she stroked the length of him through the soft fabric. The room was spinning. James clenched his jaw, faintly wondering whether he was going to be sick, his heart hammering so loud in his chest he thought surely she could hear it. Lily's mouth was hot on his throat as she curled her fingers against him teasingly. Pushing past her hand on his mouth, he buried his face back in her neck, a single, ragged "<em>Evans</em>" escaping him as his ache for her increased.</p><p>Lily reached her free arm up to hold onto the back of his head, her fingertips rubbing his hairline gently, as her other hand reached lower to <em>cup him</em>. James felt like the floor was falling out from underneath him. He pressed his mouth into her neck to stifle a groan, his fingers pulling the skin on her back, his whole body tense as she squeezed him gently through his joggers. But right when he thought he was wrapping his mind around the sensation of her hand there, she let go and did the heretofore unimaginable: she slipped her hand behind his waistband and grasped him.</p><p>His groan was immediate, muffled where his mouth was still smushed against her neck, and he thought he felt her smile. Her palm was soft but her grip was firm, and she nuzzled into his neck as she started to work him, whispering, "Tell me how you fucked me, Potter."</p><p>He lifted his head to whisper directly in her ear. "Slow at first." Keeping one arm wrapped around her back, he reached his other hand down to her arse, squeezing as he pulled her tighter against him. He felt her gasp on his neck as her hand momentarily paused, then started up again, gripping him slightly harder than before as her nails pressed into the back of his neck, though her tempo remained the same. His hips rocked gently to meet her rhythm, and he whispered, "Like this. <em>Fuck</em>. This pace. Inside you."</p><p>He released his hand from behind her and brought it around to her front, trailing his fingers up her thigh, past her hip, toward her stomach, alerting her to his path in case she wanted him to stop. But she kept nuzzling his neck, working him at that same rhythm, and he slid his hand down the front of her leggings, reaching for the damp heat between her legs, feeling her body tense, hearing her gasp softly in his neck. Her leggings restricted movement somewhat, but he found her pleasure point with his fingertip and rubbed small circles around it as she pressed her mouth against his collarbone, stifling a noise of her own.</p><p>"And I touched you here," he whispered, feeling her mouth press harder, though her tempo on him didn't stop, "and we came at the same time." Teeth scraped across his skin, fingers raked up into his hair. James's stomach flipped as he felt how aroused she was—for <em>him</em>.</p><p>The noises on the other side of the door sounded crazed, frantic.</p><p>He kept pressure on her while he used his other arm to shift her slightly sideways so her legs straddled his thigh, and he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, whispering directly into her ear, "Get that friction, Evans."</p><p>She shifted her hips against his leg, almost tentatively at first, and he swirled his finger around her, keeping pressure where he knew she needed it. Feeling her squirm against him, he reached his hand deeper, sinking two fingers into her and stroking her with long curling motions, and it was like a switch flipped inside her, her thighs squeezing against his leg in rhythm with her hand on him.</p><p>"Fuck yes, Evans. Ride my hand."</p><p>Her body was losing its stiffness but gaining a new kind of tension as he sensed her pressure quickly mounting. She had moved her face to the other side of his neck, holding tightly to his arm, like she needed him to stay up, and she was grinding against his leg, her own tempo on his hand increasing. He couldn't even remember the last time a girl had gotten him off this way—probably in fifth year when he had first started messing around with girls—but he had no doubt Lily would get him there. Her hand was too <em>good</em>—who else had been on the receiving end of this? He shoved that thought aside; it didn't matter. Because just then her hand was working <em>him</em>, in rhythm to his fingers working <em>her</em>, and everything about her was too intoxicating, too overwhelming.</p><p>"Get it, Evans. Yeah, just like that." He put pressure on her in slow, deliberate circles, held her tight to his chest as she buried her face in his shoulder with a muffled, "<em>Fuck</em>, Potter."</p><p>Just then, she broke her tempo on his hand, pausing in her squeeze at the top to run her thumb in a circle over the tip of him, sending a zinging sensation through his bloodstream.</p><p>"Fuck. Do that again."</p><p>She did, and then she kept doing it, while sucking gently at the spot where his pulse fluttered at the base of his throat. James could feel his pressure building, knew it was only a matter of moments. He thrust into her hand as he whispered, "I'm close, Evans. <em>Fuck</em>. But I want you to come first."</p><p>Lily's mouth stalled against his skin as she whispered back, "<em>There</em>—more—and I will."</p><p>James obeyed, knowing it was what she needed by how her fingers clenched his arm, her whole body suddenly tense as she squirmed against his hand, and he burrowed his thumb and fingers into her right where she needed it, feeling the breath of her gasps on his neck, hearing the faint whispers of "<em>Oh</em>—oh <em>fuck</em>—Potter—yes—<em>yes</em>—"</p><p>From the other side of the door, the string of mangled cries cutting through the air told James the other tryst was reaching its finale.</p><p>She contracted around his fingers once, twice, and he felt her body tremble as her knees buckled, and he didn't even think, he just pressed his mouth to hers, catching the whimper she was trying so desperately to hold in as he held her tight against him, holding her up, stroking her through it. It was too much—Lily's hand on him, her spasms around his fingers, the guttural sounds of orgasms ringing through the classroom on the other side of the door. He was splitting into a thousand pieces, his eyes squinting shut as he shuddered, feeling the pulse of his release against her hand as he held Lily flush against him and kissed her hard, channeling everything he felt, everything he wanted to moan, through the force of his lips crushing hers. She did the same back to him, and he thought he might combust on the spot.</p><p>Above the thundering of the blood in his ears, he faintly heard the scraping of desks being put back in place while Dolohov and Drucilla laughed and talked companionably, oblivious to the bizarre scene behind the store cupboard door. James and Lily stood still as statues, easing their grips but not moving their hands, not even breaking their kiss, until they heard the distant sound of the classroom door shutting, cutting off the sound of Slytherin voices, and then silence.</p><p>Lily broke the kiss with a small pop, her eyes darting between his, shock written all over her face as she withdrew her hand from his joggers. James pulled his own hand from her leggings and started to withdraw his arm from her shoulders but paused, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to her cheek, hearing her sharp intake of breath.</p><p>Not feeling capable of speech, James reached for his wand where he had stashed it on a shelf behind him, vanished Lily's wetness from his fingers, and then took hold of Lily's elbow, moving his wand over her sticky hand as he vanished all trace of his release. He didn't let go right away and she didn't try to move. James's mind was suddenly racing, barely comprehending what they had just done.</p><p>"Evans—"</p><p>She closed her eyes, shook her head, still out of breath. "Don't—I—I can't—"</p><p>He nodded, gave her elbow a squeeze to try to tell her that he understood, then gently let go of her and settled for more neutral ground. "The Death Eater part—we have to tell our friends what they were talking about, about keeping tabs on you. There's no way I'm keeping that from them."</p><p>She nodded. "Agreed. But—the rest—"</p><p>He shook his head. "Stays between us. I swear."</p><p>She nodded again, and James faintly thought she didn't seem nearly horrified enough.</p><p>Lily turned the handle and creaked open the cupboard door. The classroom was empty, and she immediately set off for the entrance, James jogging behind her to catch up. Though their badges gave them an all-access pass to Hogwarts at all hours of the day or night, they moved stealthily, like they were both afraid of being caught—of being found out.</p><p>He walked with her in silence all the way to Gryffindor Tower, not meeting anyone on their way. The common room was, mercifully, also empty, and he grabbed her elbow as soon as they were through the portrait hole, whirling her to face him.</p><p>"Evans, we need to talk—"</p><p>"—<em>no</em>, Potter—"</p><p>"—about how we just hooked up."</p><p>She glared at him, her top knot wild, wispy hairs bristling around her face. Now that they had moonlight shining through the windows and he wasn't busy trying to keep up with her insanely fast pace through the castle, he finally <em>looked</em> at her. She was painfully beautiful, her lips swollen and rosy, her cheeks flushed, her eyes wild—and yep, <em>now</em> she looked sufficiently horrified.</p><p>"I don't know <em>what</em> came over me," she spat.</p><p>James grinned. "Pretty sure <em>I</em> did."</p><p>Her face looked murderous, and she yanked her elbow away, making for the staircase.</p><p>"Evans, <em>wait</em>." James caught her again, gripping her upper arm this time. "I'm sorry, you just…you keep walking into these, I can't help myself. And honestly, making jokes is easier than having this conversation with you—"</p><p>"We're not having a conversation—"</p><p>"We are now."</p><p>She quirked an eyebrow at him.</p><p>James gripped her arm tightly and leaned down closer to her, his voice lowered to a murmur. "Don't tell me you don't feel this, Evans. With me. I know you do."</p><p>She breathed hard through her nose as she glared at him.</p><p>"Look, I don't get it either, but it's there. I'm fucking <em>into </em>you, Evans, and I know you want me too."</p><p>"You're wrong." Her voice was low, barely above a whisper.</p><p>He chuckled, bending down to her ear, hovering over that patch of skin he had kissed. "Really? <em>You're </em>the one who started all that down there."</p><p>She went rigid under his grasp, horror written all over her face. "I was caught up in the fucking <em>moment</em>, that's all."</p><p>James took a slow step backward, rolling his eyes. "Sure."</p><p>"It didn't mean anything."</p><p>He smirked at her. "Just trying to help a bloke out, huh?"</p><p>Her eyes flashed as she turned. "Oh, shut <em>up</em>."</p><p>"Well, your<em> good deed</em> was very much appreciated."</p><p>She tossed her head, turning back to him. "You're <em>vile</em>."</p><p>He pulled her roughly back against him, let his lips brush lightly against her ear as he whispered, "And you liked it."</p><p>She stood stock still for a moment, then wrenched free, putting distance between them, but she didn't deny it.</p><p>"This <em>never happened</em>, Potter."</p><p>And she whipped toward the girls' staircase and was gone.</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair, smiling to himself despite his exasperation as he climbed his own stairs. She <em>so</em> fucking wanted him. After the past twenty-four hours, James had never been more sure of anything in his life. Something Remus had wrote him near the end of summer nagged at his brain—something about his affections not being unrequited, but currently being denied, maybe?</p><p>That sounded about right. But, to his surprise, he didn't even feel let down, or even the slightest bit deterred. No, he felt—<em>motivated</em>. Like he was fucking fifteen again and crushing on her like an idiot and full of enough reckless confidence to turn on every last drop of charm he had and see just how much of that wall of denial he could crack.</p><p>Because not only was she the most incredible girl he'd ever met (also the most incredibly difficult, but he could ignore that for now), but because after years of chasing her and then trying (unsuccessfully) to get over her, she finally fancied him back. There was simply no other way to interpret it. She had kissed him like she'd never wanted to stop. She had stuck her hand down his trousers of her own volition and given him the best hand job of his life. She had been already dripping when he'd slid his hand inside her leggings. They had come at the same time, the very first time they'd ever done anything together.</p><p>And James would bet his inheritance that, no matter how hard she tried to fight it, it was going to happen again.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum—Sending an Evans update because I know you're on the edge of your seat. I suppose you could say we sort of talked. We also sort of snogged again. I'm fairly certain she likes me just as much as I like her, but it's complicated.—James</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>James, darling, that makes no sense. WHAT is so complicated? (Do not actually attempt to answer that question.) Expecting a better update next time, Mum</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily had thought her life couldn't possibly get any more complicated, but Monday proved her wrong. Repeatedly.</p><p>First there was breakfast, where their friends immediately pried about where James and Lily had disappeared to the night before. Though she was loathe to admit it, she found herself grateful for James's refined skill for manipulating the truth as he shrugged over his porridge and said casually, "Ran into McGonagall, she was having issues with Peeves. Lucky me, Dumbledore, Slughorn, <em>and</em> the Baron all weren't around, so she thought <em>I </em>could talk some sense into him."</p><p>"Ah," said Remus teasingly, "so <em>that's</em> why you got the badge—they needed someone who could parley with the poltergeist. In that case, I quite agree you're perfect for the job, Prongs."</p><p>James laughed with him over that, and even Lily found herself cracking a smile. The story was at least true—they <em>had</em> wrangled with Peeves for nearly an hour before James had wheedled some strange understanding out of him, and James spared no detail in the retelling to their friends.</p><p>"But then we got sort of, er, held up on the way back."</p><p>Several eyebrows raised as Lily saw their friends looking between them. James seemed to be waiting, deferring to Lily to take over.</p><p>Sighing, she set down her coffee and said quietly, "We ran into some Slytherins—well, sort of. We might have, erm, eavesdropped. On their conversation."</p><p>Mary's eyes were wide. "Who?"</p><p>Lily took a deep breath. "Well, Dolohov was there…"</p><p>"Slimy git," broke in Sirius. "What'd he say?"</p><p>Lily shook her head.</p><p>James's voice was soft from across the table, and Lily saw him exchanging a meaningful look with Sirius. "It wasn't pleasant, mate. I wanted to burst out and kill him on the spot, but he was talking about Death Eater shit, so we kept listening."</p><p><em>That</em> got everyone's attention.</p><p>James leaned in toward the center of the table conspiratorially. "Look, guys, it's bad. They're tracking Muggle-borns in the castle, and it sounds like they're…planning something."</p><p>"Planning <em>what?</em>" Peter was the first to get the question out, though they were all clearly wondering the same thing.</p><p>James shook his head. "They kept it cryptic enough, I don't know. But Evans is one of their targets."</p><p>Their friends stared at Lily, expressions of mingled anger and fear on their faces. Lily flushed and pushed her eggs around her plate. "I'll be fine."</p><p>Mary covered Lily's wrist with her hand. "More than fine, Lil. You have all of <em>us</em>. We won't let those foul creeps touch you."</p><p>Lily gave her a sad smile, and soon after, they all packed up to get to class.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Then there was Potions, which normally calmed her, being able to ease into the week with a subject that came naturally to her, but today she was distracted. Though she kept her back firmly to James, she could still hear his voice drift through the room as he laughed about something with Dahlia, Marlene, and Peter from their area of dungeon.</p><p>"Er, Evans?" Sirius asked, reaching out a hand to rest on her forearm. "You just pulverized your mouse bone."</p><p>Lily looked up at him blankly, then looked back down at her workstation, seeing that her mouse bone was, indeed, now a pile of dust. She sighed.</p><p>"You alright today?"</p><p>She pushed a stay lock of hair out of her face and met his eyes, steely gray and looking at her with a mixture of concern and amusement.</p><p>"Fine, Black. Just processing everything I overheard last night, I guess."</p><p>Which wasn't far from the truth; she had definitely overheard plenty, and there was also a lot racing through her brain that she was processing, in the sense that she was trying to forget it. But Sirius thankfully seemed to buy that she was distracted in an upset way, and he gave her arm a light pat as he said, "Don't let 'em getcha down, Evans."</p><p>Lily smiled softly at him as she rolled off her stool. "Need anything else while I'm getting my replacement bone?"</p><p>Sirius chuckled. "Nah, I'm good."</p><p>She had been so focused on keeping her eyes away from where she knew James sat that she hadn't noticed he wasn't at his table.</p><p>He was in the store cupboard.</p><p><em>Shit</em>. She couldn't turn around and go back to her table with Sirius empty-handed; she had to look normal. So she steeled herself to go in there, realizing belatedly that he was blocking her way to the basket of mouse bones.</p><p>He looked over his shoulder at her footsteps and smiled when he saw it was her. In a low voice that wouldn't carry, he said, "Weren't we just in one of these?"</p><p>She glared at him. "Can you move, Potter? I need another mouse bone."</p><p>"What happened to your first one?"</p><p>She chewed the inside of her cheek. "I pulverized it. By accident."</p><p>James raised his eyebrows at her, holding back a laugh, and took a step sideways, leaning against the beam with his arms crossed just next to the shelf she needed, like he was daring her to come closer to him. Like he was <em>playing </em>with her. Calling on all of the rage she had ever felt towards him, she strode up next to him, reaching up on her tip toes for the jar of mouse bones.</p><p>"Here." James unfolded his arms to grab the jar and pull it down for her, almost a deja vu of that moment where he had helped her the night before. She held his gaze while she plucked one at random, then tried not to think about how close he was as he reached his arm up to put the jar back.</p><p>He grinned cheekily at her. "Was there something else, Evans?"</p><p>Giving him the darkest look she could muster, she turned on her heel and made for her table.</p><p>"Did you inspect every damn bone in the jar, or what?" Sirius asked her.</p><p>She threw him a dark look too and returned to her work, at least managing not to completely pulverize her bone this time.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Then, after lunch, there was Defense Against the Dark Arts, when Lily's name came out of Dearborn's enchanted bowl—along with Severus Snape's.</p><p>Lily's insides gave a sickening twist; his betrayal from Drucilla's lips had haunted her, sliced right through her. He was in on it; he had <em>used</em> her. Was anything he had told her, about how he still cared for her safety, cared for <em>her</em>, even true? Even if they weren't friends and he put on a Death Eater show in the halls, she had still believed, deep down, that he would always protect her from the inside. Merlin, how wrong she'd been.</p><p>She walked into the circle, taking only a glance at her friends' stony faces before she set to composing herself as best she could before the duel started. Well, <em>composing</em> probably wasn't the best word. All of her anxiety from the day, all of her thoughts about what had happened with James, she let that all go. None of that mattered. Her first true friend, her introduction to the magical world, had betrayed her, more than she had ever thought was possible.</p><p>She let her rage—white hot, mounting, and focused—wash through her as Severus came to stand across from her in the circle, his long oily hair curtaining his sallow face. Once, he had been her best friend. Once, she had trusted him more than any of the girls. Once, she had defended him ruthlessly to her Gryffindor classmates.</p><p>Today, she would destroy him.</p><p>They bowed to each other, the Slytherins' taunts mingling with the shouts of encouragement from the other side of the room to form a steady backdrop of noise. She vaguely wondered if this was what Quidditch players felt like, knowing everyone was shouting but not hearing any of the words.</p><p>And then they were dueling, Sev throwing her a curse right out of the gate that she knocked aside and returned. She saw the brief hesitation on his face, not expecting her quickness, and she shot another two jinxes at him in quick succession, forcing him to side-step and get off-balance. They slowly started edging around the perimeter of the circle, throwing more spells at each other with increasing speed. Lily saw the effort in Sev's face, the slight sheen of sweat forming on his brow. He was scowling at her, like he was confused. Lily dodged another jet of purple light and threw back an underhanded body-bind attempt. Maybe he was confused. She supposed he didn't <em>know</em> she had found him out by listening in on Drucilla and Dolohov the night before. <em>He</em> didn't know she had just lost any last thread of trust in him to not sell her out.</p><p>Heat sliced from her shoulder into her chest and blood spurted from the gash. Lily growled. That's what she got for giving Sev any benefit of the doubt, for getting distracted. A new rage simmered through her veins; if he was going to play dirty, then so was she. She abruptly stopped her pacing and went the other way, throwing Sev off-balance as his curse missed her by a yard. Moving quickly around the circle, she sent his slashing curse back at him, hitting him across the thigh, and then again on the arm. He grimaced, grabbing for his arm as he tried to send a jinx at her, but she whirled out of the way.</p><p>Suddenly, a voice reached her ears from somewhere right behind her, cutting through the noise and speaking directly to her in a low, insistent command: "Finish him, Evans."</p><p>James. As if she wouldn't already have recognized his voice anywhere, now she had the added memory of that voice in her ear, telling her how he had fantasized about her, whispering dirty nothings about how he wanted to fu—</p><p>"Fucking <em>finish</em>."</p><p>Her shield was already deflecting Sev's weak attempt at a hex, and then, as if she was following James's instruction, she cut around the lingering border of her shield and sent the slashing curse back at Sev, slicing him across the calves, sending blood spurting through the air. Sev buckled, still holding tight to his wand, and Lily's next spell was out of her mouth before she could even think—</p><p>"<em>Levicorpus!</em>"</p><p>Snape swung wildly through the air like a giant invisible hand had yanked him up from the ankles, blood sprinkling through the air like rain, and his wand was flying out of his hand, landing with a clatter somewhere in the distance, everyone but the Slytherins erupting into deafening cheers.</p><p>Her pulse thundered in her ears, her body frozen in shock as her mind raced to catch up on what she had done. She had used his own spells against him. She had used the same spell <em>James</em> had used against him, that day by the lake. Is this what her subconscious had resorted to?</p><p>She didn't even wait for Dearborn's post-duel lecture; turning on the spot, ignoring the sickening thud that came with Snape falling to the ground as her curse broke, she picked up her bag and shoved through the crowd of her classmates, making quickly for the door as hot tears spilled onto her cheeks.</p><p>Once free of the classroom, she ran, her feet pounding the already-familiar path to the Heads' Office, but once she stood in front of the door, she turned around and went into the Prefects' Bathroom instead. It was empty, as everyone was still in class, and she shut herself in one of the stalls, finally succumbing to her grief.</p><p>Because that's what it was; she saw that now. She didn't cry out of anger. This was <em>grief</em>, a deep, aching sadness that felt like it was consuming her from the inside. Severus might as well have died, because the friend she had had since the beginning of her magical life was gone. Truly, irrevocably gone. Their friendship had begun turning icy in fifth year when he had started publicly insulting her to fit in with his Slytherin friends, and then she had told him they weren't friends in sixth year, when it became clear that he was getting deeper into murky Death Eater waters, but through all of that, she had never cried for him. Never considered him to be a bad person. He had lost his way, he had chosen a different path, he had gotten in over his head, he was beyond her reach, but he was still, deep down, <em>Sev</em>. He could still turn it around. He would still look out for her when it really mattered. He could still come <em>back</em>.</p><p>She had been so fucking <em>foolish</em>. He wasn't <em>good</em>. He would never <em>come back</em>. The Sev she knew was <em>gone</em>. And now, finally, years of pent up, building grief over the loss of that friendship, once so sweet and simple and pure, poured out of her.</p><p>The sound of the sliding stone door jolted her from her thoughts, and she hastily wiped her nose and eyes, trying to catch her breath. Slow footsteps echoed across the tile, and then—</p><p>"Evans?"</p><p>Lily closed her eyes. Could he not leave her alone for <em>one day</em>?</p><p>"At least tell me if you're alright, please?"</p><p>Taking one last deep breath and squaring her shoulders, Lily pushed through the stall door, feeling shaky. "I'm <em>fine</em>."</p><p>James's face went slack as he saw her, and he immediately jogged toward her.</p><p>"<em>Shit</em>, Evans—"</p><p>Red caught the corner of her eye, and Lily looked down to see that her shirt around her left shoulder and chest was soaked through with blood; in all of her grief, she had completely forgotten that Sev had hit her with that horrid slashing curse of his, and blood was still steadily seeping from the wound. James was unbuttoning her shirt but she barely noticed, the pulse of her wound now beating through her whole body. He didn't undo all the buttons, just enough to pull the left side of her shirt away from the gash, which Lily hazily realized stretched from the top of her shoulder to a point just above her ridge of bra on her left breast. Lily hissed, her raw flesh stinging, but then there was a warm tingling sensation where her skin was knitting itself back together under James' wand as he traced slow lines to neatly seal up the cut.</p><p>"It's not as deep as Eddie's was," he murmured as he worked. "Just bleeding a lot."</p><p>Lily closed her eyes and breathed steadily through her nose, willing herself steady.</p><p>As soon as he was finished, it was like their adrenaline getting them through those moments vanished, and James suddenly felt too close, too warm, his hazel eyes too knowing.</p><p>"Might just need to replace this one," he said, his fingers on the collar of her shirt as he flopped it back over to cover the section of her bra that had been exposed. Lily swallowed, her brain taking a moment to catch up—had James really just seen her <em>bra</em>? Her normal, everyday, nothing special, beige bra?</p><p>She looked at him, not having a clue what to say, not even feeling like she was capable of coherent thought at the moment, still numb from her grief, her anger, her wound. James gently pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head like he had done just last week, when he had hugged her after the prefects' meeting. How had that been just less than a week ago? How had so much changed between them since then?</p><p>Somewhere between meeting James's mum and being around him in the pool, every old repressed feeling and memory and thought that she'd shoved away over the past year burst forth through that locked door in the far corner of her mind and emerged, like a phoenix popping full-grown from the ashes of its adolescence, in its true form: a <em>crush</em>.</p><p>She knew it now: she had a sodding <em>crush</em> on <em>James Potter</em>. That's why the sight of him with Adelaide had made her stomach turn; why his words writing her off as stuck up had cut her like they had; why she had been barely able to look at Dahlia when she had dated him. That's why the passion of hating him had come so easily—the attraction had already been there, simmering under the surface; she had just had to reframe it, channel it, into something else. That's why she had fantasized about him, why her guard had fallen away when she'd been drunk at the World Cup.</p><p>It was why she had kissed him in the common room, why she had laid awake afterward, replaying it over and over in her mind, reliving the sear of his touch on her skin, the softness of his hair in her fingers, the slant of his mouth over hers, the pressure of his arousal digging into her stomach. His kiss had been deliberate, sensual, but somehow also laced with tenderness. It had set her head spinning. All this time, <em>this </em>had been waiting, just out of reach? <em>This</em> could have been hers, if only she'd taken it? It was unbearable—<em>unthinkable</em>.</p><p>It terrified her. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. She'd deflected every attempt to talk to him because she had no clue what to say. <em>So, Potter, I think I have a crush on you but I've only just realized you're not a horrible person and it's not like I'd date you anyway, though I'd really like to snog you some more, but we probably shouldn't because we have to be these things called Head students together.</em></p><p>Merlin, what a mess.</p><p>And then there was last night. What in the <em>blazes</em> had she been thinking?Well, she supposed she hadn't been, which was exactly the problem. It had been stifling in there, so close together, the tension between them pulling them into its swirling vortex as the raw sounds of sex and pleasure filtered through the store cupboard door. Horror at Snape's betrayal and at the realization that she was a bona fide Death Eater target had clawed at her stomach and numbed her mind with shock, just as bewildering desire had spread through her veins at James's closeness.</p><p>Seeing him aroused for her, bulging in his joggers as he told her he had fantasized about <em>her</em>, had been the final straw. She'd just needed to <em>touch</em> him, needed more of what they'd started in the common room, needed her lusty fantasies to become real. She had felt almost drunk, giving into that vortex of tension, letting it pull her towards him, the passionate noises from the other side of the door like a disturbing soundtrack that heightened all of her senses for him. <em>James</em>. He had smelled like a mixture of pine and mint, his sweatshirt cool under her cheek, his skin hot to the touch, his neck smooth but his jaw sandpapery with stubble. That low groan in the back of his throat, that hoarse <em>Evans</em> as she'd stroked his length tentatively through his joggers, had been like a trigger. She'd heard that <em>Evans</em> before in her mind. And she'd wanted what followed.</p><p>Strangely, she hadn't expected him to touch her back, but when he did, she nearly lost all ability to think or move at all. It was deja vu in the deepest way. He touched her exactly how she'd expected him to—how she'd <em>wanted</em> him to—but somehow his fingers were even better than she'd imagined, stroking and circling and massaging in methodical, deliberate movements that pulled her straight over the edge. When he had kissed her—less a kiss, really, than a crushing harnessing of everything they couldn't let out in that moment—she thought she might shatter from it all, overwhelmed by the spasms wracking her body, and the realization that <em>James Potter</em> had just become the first boy to cause them, and the sensation of James still stroking her while his own release spilled hot and sticky over her hand, and the noises coming from the other side of the door, and the knowing, the <em>understanding</em>, that they were channeling those same sounds through their mouths in silence as they shuddered together.</p><p>Once it was over, Lily had felt dirty; randomly hooking up like this was not something she normally did, and she had just done it with <em>James</em> of all people. But that lingering kiss on her cheek had tempered her disparaging thoughts; the tenderness of it, more soothing than any words could have been in that moment, had almost made her want to cry, and when he gently cleaned her up, the care on his face told her that he understood, had felt it too, this strange intimacy that had risen up between them. It was something more than physical, though that lusty tension certainly added to it. It was like having the badges imposed upon them had created the thread of a bond, and with each bizarre situation they'd endured, each disturbing piece of information they'd learned, each conversation they'd had, they had been prodding at it, testing it, adjusting to it.</p><p>And it scared the bloody hell out of her.</p><p>Possibly more than anything else had ever scared her in her life.</p><p>Now, finding herself in his arms yet again, this time with the remnants of hot tears all over her face and a blood-soaked shirt plastered to her skin, Lily felt unmoored in a new way. All the fight was out of her. She thought James could tell, because he seemed to squeeze her tighter than he had last time, holding her strongly against him.</p><p>Then, muffled against her hair, "Will you talk to me, Evans?"</p><p>A new wave of tears came out of nowhere, surprising her as she gasped for air, tried to fight it. James's hand cradled the back of her head firmly against his chest, and she felt the press of his lips through her hair, as tender as that lingering kiss he had pressed to her cheek the night before, and her last attempts to keep it together broke completely. She wept, in deep, wracking sobs that came from her core of her being, as James held her up against him.</p><p>She didn't know how long they stood there like that, but eventually her sobs seemed to run out and she lifted her head slowly from James's shirt, now soaked through with tears and covered in snot. Not able to meet his eyes just yet, she tugged his collar gently, her voice thick as she said, "Might just need to replace this one."</p><p>She felt James's chuckle in his chest, and she hesitantly looked up at him. He was studying her, his hazel eyes furrowed in concern.</p><p>"C'mon, let's go sit down."</p><p>He kept an arm around her as he walked her toward the door, and then he stuck his head into the hall to check if the coast was clear before shepherding her across the corridor and through the door to their office, setting her in one of the armchairs by the fire. He sat in the other chair, his elbows on his knees as he watched her.</p><p>Lily reached her hands toward the flames, letting them warm her; the absence of James's body heat showed her just how deeply chilled she had been. James waited, not saying anything, and once she felt warmed enough to talk, she said quietly, "I feel like he died."</p><p>She looked over at him, saw the puzzled expression on his face. "From the duel? That was nothing, just a couple scratches."</p><p>She shook her head. "No, from—from what Drucilla said."</p><p>His eyes narrowed. "But you knew he was in league with them—"</p><p>"Not like that," she cut him off. "Of course I knew he was, you know, becoming a Death Eater, but—I truly <em>never</em> believed he would do anything to hurt me. Everything he does in the halls, in class, I thought it all was just—I don't know, something he did because he <em>had</em> to. I thought that if push came to shove, he would still protect me."</p><p>She had been gazing into the fire as she spoke, but she turned to look directly at James. "He was my <em>best friend</em>. He showed me what <em>magic</em> was. I <em>loved</em> him, like you love Sirius, and Remus, and Peter."</p><p>Her throat tightened, and she paused, taking a deep, shuddering breath as she looked back in the fire. "And he betrayed me."</p><p>"Evans—"</p><p>She rounded on him, getting to her feet as she paced in front of the fire. "<em>Don't</em> say anything, Potter. I know you don't get it, I can read it all over your face. Look, everything that he's done—calling me Mudblood in the hall, antagonizing me with his friends—yeah, that was shitty of him, which is why I stopped being his friend, but I never imagined for a second that he would <em>sell me</em> to them."</p><p>Her voice cracked at those last words and she turned to look at James, still watching her intently.</p><p>"Can you imagine, please, for just one second, just <em>one</em>, what it would feel like if Sirius, or Remus, or Peter <em>sold you</em> to Death Eaters? To <em>Voldemort?</em>"</p><p>James opened his mouth to protest, the look of disgust immediate on his face, but Lily pressed on.</p><p>"No—<em>don't</em> <em>say anything</em>—don't you <em>see?</em> That reaction you just had, that look on your face, that <em>immediate disbelief</em>—<em>that</em> is what I had for Sev."</p><p>She gulped for air, running crazed hands through her hair, her voice threatening to break again at every word. "That is the fucking level of <em>betrayal</em> I am feeling right now, Potter. That is the type of friendship that I just finally lost for good. It's like he—" She sighed, her next words reduced to a whisper. "I'm just—grieving him, I guess. Like he…died. Because in a way, to <em>me</em>, he just did."</p><p>She thought, from the pained look on James' face, that she just might have gotten through to him. He stood up slowly and came toward her, leaving an arms-length distance between them.</p><p>"I didn't realize," he said quietly.</p><p>She nodded. "I know."</p><p>James stuffed his hands in his pockets, seeming almost nervous as he said, "Well, you should also know I'm here for you, Evans."</p><p>She stared at him, taken off-guard. He sighed, as if steeling himself to get the words out, before he kept going. "Look, I know things are sort of weird between us right now—and <em>no</em>, I'm not trying to talk about, you know, last night, not now, stop <em>looking</em> at me like that—I'm just <em>saying</em> that <em>regardless</em> of whatever…<em>else</em> is going on with us, I—"</p><p>He swallowed hard, then met her eye as he said, "I care about you, Evans. I'll be there for you. Always."</p><p>Lily's throat closed, her eyes welling up again. She scolded herself for how much she liked hearing him say those words, willing herself not to cry. He didn't try to touch her again, and Lily was grateful; she didn't think she'd be able to handle it if he did.</p><p>His voice was gentle as he said, "I'll go find one of the girls, have them bring you a change of clothes."</p><p>Lily looked down at herself, realizing that her skirt was also splattered with blood, probably a mixture of her own and Sev's. She shivered, suddenly cold again, but nodded at him.</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>With a sad smile that she had never seen on his face before, he turned down the hall and was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Crossfire of a Reconnaissance Mission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Despite her best efforts at avoiding any one-on-one time with James all day Tuesday and during the entirety of Wednesday thus far, Lily couldn't escape her fate: that night, they had to do their first patrol together.</p><p>It wasn't that it was weird being around him; if anything, their interactions since the aftermath of her duel with Snape had felt lighter, somehow. Like they were more at ease with each other. Like they had turned some sort of corner. <em>But</em> that was also around their friends.</p><p>Lily had taken his post-duel statement about not trying to talk about them just then as a deferment. To another time. When it <em>was</em> just them. Ergo, no time alone with James, no awkward discussion of that spying-turned-sexual store cupboard situation.</p><p>Which she thought about in Charms, when she caught him looking at her and thought, from the expression on his face, that he just might be thinking about it too. And again at lunch, when she heard that easy laugh and looked over to see him licking sauce from his lips as he ate a stuffed, messy sandwich. And again as she sat in the library with her Ancient Runes study group and silently panicked about the fact that she had agreed to go on a date with Garrytt Ollivander mere hours before this stupid, juvenile, pointless, annoying <em>crush</em> had started taking over her life.</p><p>Well. She still had more than a week until Hogsmeade. (Garrytt had really been thinking ahead, hadn't he?) More than a week to kick her crush and go back to bloody <em>normal</em> so that she could actually enjoy her date with the boy trying to romance her over Ancient Runes.</p><p>But now, her fate. Which she supposed she had technically decided, because when she had made the patrol schedule, using a charm with a simple formula from Arithmancy to randomize names on the calendar, the only rules she added to the formula were Quidditch practice assignments and that she wouldn't be paired with a Slytherin, and in her focus of not wanting to ever do rounds with the likes of Dolohov and Regulus, she had completely forgotten that this would leave the possibility of her being paired with James. Which, of course, it had done, and which, to be honest, she hadn't really cared about until he became the first boy to get her off, which, begrudgingly, she was still thinking about.</p><p>She stayed up in her dorm, putting finishing touches on her Charms essay, until five-minutes-to-nine, when she finally made her way down the girls' staircase and into the common room, where he was standing over a game of chess between Sirius and Peter.</p><p>"Pads, he's got you in six moves."</p><p>"Does not."</p><p>"I'd say four, Prongs."</p><p>"What are you <em>on</em>, Wormtail?"</p><p>"What are <em>you</em> on?"</p><p>"Patrol," Lily said, stepping in their vicinity. James's head whipped around his shoulder, a cheeky grin spreading across his face.</p><p>"Right you are, Evans." He looked back at his friends and said, "Sirius, I'm betting a round at Ros's you lose in six moves."</p><p>Peter smiled gleefully as he said to Sirius, "I'll stretch it out two moves just for that."</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes and waved a hand dismissively at James. "Just…get lost on your fucking date already."</p><p>Heat flooded Lily's stomach as she protested, "It's <em>rounds</em>—"</p><p>Sirius chuckled and threw her a wink as James turned away from them, calling over his shoulder playfully, "Don't wait up, Dad."</p><p>Sirius took on a mocking tone as he called back, "Be <em>safe</em>!"</p><p>Lily was sure she looked like a tomato as she clambered through the portrait hole after James, who still had the ghost of his chuckle on his face.</p><p>"What the hell was that?" she demanded.</p><p>He looked sideways at her, and his expression softened. "It's <em>nothing</em>, Evans. They're just teasing me about doing rounds with you." A shy smile crept over his face. "You wouldn't <em>believe</em> how many times in fifth year I tried to convince Remus to stay back and let me hijack his patrol with you. I seriously considered putting a body bind on him once, but he would've been too upset over not doing his prefect duties properly, and I couldn't do that to him."</p><p>Lily had gone slightly slack-jawed as he talked, but she recovered enough to banter back, "Well what d'you know, you did have a heart after all."</p><p>He brought his hands to his chest and gave her a look of exaggerated pain. "<em>Ouch</em>, Evans. That hurts. It might turn to stone sometimes, but I still <em>have</em> one."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous."</p><p>"Yes, I'm aware," James said, jogging lightly down the staircase to sixth floor. "It's part of my overwhelming charm and insatiable good looks and all that."</p><p>Lily scoffed. "Is there even any <em>room</em> for a heart with an ego that big?"</p><p>James flashed her a grin over her shoulder. "For you, there is."</p><p>Now at the landing waiting for the next staircase to float over, Lily threw him a dark look.</p><p>"Don't go there, Potter."</p><p>He didn't even seem ruffled as he smirked down at her. "Sorta felt like fifth year, dinnit?"</p><p>Lily faltered; it was like he had taken the words straight from her brain. That <em>had</em> felt like their fifth year banter; she had fallen into it as easily as riding a bike.</p><p>"Should I ask you to Hogsmeade now?"</p><p>Her stomach instantly twisted into a knot as she whipped her head around to see him grinning mischievously, and he threw her a wink before descending down the staircase that had just pulled up. Sodding charming <em>prat</em>.</p><p>Lily followed him, telling him, "Don't even try it, Potter, or I'll have to tell you that I'll force-feed you my unfinished Skele-gro—"</p><p>"—a truly horrific thought, Evans—"</p><p>"—if it means keeping you locked in the hospital wing—"</p><p>"—the Skele-gro part, not the force-feeding, mind—"</p><p>"—away from—wait, <em>what</em>? That's <em>disgusting</em>."</p><p>James was laughing at her. "How would you do it, Evans? Pin me down?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, hating that that immediately put the visual in her mind and made her flush. "Hardly. I'm sure I could figure out a charm to hide the taste and just <em>poison</em> you."</p><p>James raised his eyebrows at her, still wearing that stupid grin on his face. "And <em>that</em>, Evans, is honestly the single most terrifying thing I have ever heard, because if anyone could figure out how to do that, it would without a doubt be you."</p><p>That was not normally part of the fifth-year banter routine. "Oh. Well…thanks, I guess."</p><p>James smiled at her, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they waited at another landing. "I suppose I didn't even ask you how you usually do rounds," he said, changing the subject. "I just started going straight downstairs and then working my way back up."</p><p>Lily felt an odd lurch in her stomach. She nodded, not looking at him, as she said, "It's fine, that's how I do it, too."</p><p>"Huh."</p><p>She glanced over at him as the floating staircase pulled up. "What?"</p><p>He just shrugged, looking away from her, but she thought she saw a smile playing at his mouth. "Oh, nothing."</p><p>She rolled her eyes, taking the stairs in time with him. "Sod off, Potter, that's even more annoying than whatever it is you were thinking."</p><p>He chuckled. "I know. Fine. It's just…you know what they say. Great minds, and all that."</p><p>"I take it back, that <em>is</em> more annoying."</p><p>"Not denying it, I see."</p><p>"Not deigning to acknowledge, more like."</p><p>James snorted. "Semantics, Evans."</p><p>She swatted his arm. "Shut <em>up</em>."</p><p>He scolded her lightly. "Watch it, Evans, this arm is sacred Gryffindor property."</p><p>Lily mimed gagging over him, making James laugh, and then she felt his arm snake up around her shoulders, the crook of his elbow hugging her in towards his chest for a fleeting moment before he released his arm as quickly as he had wrapped it around her.</p><p>Okay, that was <em>definitely</em> not part of the fifth-year banter routine. She briefly thought she should tell him off, but she found herself rather speechless, so she hurried down the last few stairs of the main staircase and changed the subject.</p><p>"I usually start out in the dungeons, yeah?"</p><p>He cleared his throat. "Er, yeah."</p><p>Silence fell as they traced the path through narrow dungeon corridors. Lily could barely breathe, the air feeling too compressed, the stone giving off too much chill, the tension from his presence filling the space between them like fumes.</p><p>As they rounded a corner, they suddenly were no longer alone in the corridor. Lily's pulse quickened as she recognized who was walking toward them: <em>Drucilla</em>. She reminded Lily of Adelaide, all legs and rolled skirt and sauntering attitude. But whereas Adelaide was more fair, dolling herself up like a coquettish golden girl, Drucilla had a dark sexiness about her that she fully embraced. Her skin was more olive-toned, her hair a dark brown, falling in effortless tousled waves around her shoulders, her defined eyebrows and sharp cheekbones and pouty lips combining to give her face a unique beauty. Even Lily had to admit Drucilla was mesmerizing, though she hated her with a fury knowing she was trying to track Lily's every move.</p><p>"Well, well." Drucilla sauntered right up to them, a sly smile turning up one corner of her mouth. "Look what the snake lured in."</p><p>Lily didn't miss how Drucilla was turned more toward James, looking up at him through her lashes with that devious expression on her face.</p><p>James stood with his hands casually in his pockets. "And who're you?"</p><p>Lily scowled, though neither of them saw. He knew perfectly well who she was, or at least that she was a prefect, because she had been at the meeting just a week before.</p><p>Drucilla teased, "Shouldn't a Head Boy know all his prefects?"</p><p>James smirked softly. "Maybe a good one would."</p><p>He almost sounded…<em>flirty</em>. Drucilla's mouth twitched, like she wanted to smile wider but was holding herself back, and she looked him up and down before saying, "I'm Dru."</p><p>Lily looked back up at James just in time to see his eyes move over Drucilla right back, which Drucilla obviously loved, her sly veneer cracking just a smidge, showing brilliantly white teeth. Lily couldn't believe it. The scheming charming prat was actually <em>flirting </em>with her. Somehow, Lily wasn't even bothered—she was <em>intrigued</em>. She knew, so deeply in her bones, that James would never <em>actually </em>flirt with Drucilla, not after everything they'd heard. He was playing with her; he was up to something. But even if it wasn't genuine for Drucilla, his charm being turned all the way up was somehow still rubbing off on Lily, and she watched in fascination.</p><p>His voice was low, smooth in a deliberate way Lily had never heard, when he said, "Well, <em>Dru</em>, looks like you have the dungeons under control."</p><p>It was like Lily wasn't even there. Drucilla ignored her completely, her attention only for James as she gave him another one of those looks through her eyelashes, this time licking her lips just slightly, showing a fleeting glimpse of tongue before she resumed her devious pout.</p><p>Her voice was equally throaty as she said back, "I like to be in control."</p><p>James didn't hold back his own sly smile, and he took a step toward Drucilla, like he was making to go around her, but then he paused at her side, drawing her gaze up at him over her shoulder, as he said, "Well, that's too bad, because you still have to answer to me."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes as Drucilla lapped that up, smiling up at him coyly. "Boss me around anytime…<em>James</em>."</p><p>And then Drucilla tore her eyes away and looked directly at Lily, her expression smug, before she flashed Lily one last look of disgust and continued down the corridor.</p><p>James had waited for her, and Lily fell in step with him, silent until they reached the main floor and had started up the Grand Staircase.</p><p>"Care to explain why you just turned on the charm for <em>Flint</em>?"</p><p>"You think I'm charming, Evans?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter, that performance would have earned you an 'O' in a flirting practical, and <em>no</em>, that is <em>not</em> a compliment."</p><p>"It wasn't too much, was it?"</p><p>Lily looked up at him pointedly. "Of <em>course </em>it was, but she was all over it."</p><p>James shrugged, a smirk playing at his lips. "Just playing the game, Evans."</p><p>"The <em>game</em>?"</p><p>"Yeah. And it was too easy."</p><p>"I—what?"</p><p>He looked down at her, arching his brows. "Evans, come on. After what we overheard the other night? We both know I could've pulled her into an empty classroom just now and she would've been all over it."</p><p>Lily scoffed, knowing he was right, and muttered, "So fucking arrogant."</p><p>James chuckled—<em>chuckled</em>—and said, "That's not arrogance, Evans, that's just reading <em>thirsty girl throwing herself at me</em>."</p><p>Lily felt her own scoffing laughter escape her, not sure whether she was more disturbed by the fact that Drucilla had been so outwardly into James or by seeing him play along.</p><p>She muttered, "I can't believe she just <em>propositioned</em> you like that."</p><p>James gave her a pointed look, that cheeky grin back on his face. "Dolohov did only get her twice"—Lily's jaw dropped—"after she <em>explicitly</em> told him to prove he could give her three." He was shaking his head. "Bloody idiot."</p><p>Lily was opening and closing her mouth, spluttering for what to say and landing lamely on, "<em>What</em>?"</p><p>They had reached the second floor, but Lily hardly noticed their surroundings.</p><p>James looked down at her curiously, like it was obvious. "He didn't listen."</p><p>"What, and you <em>do</em>?" The words were out of her mouth before she thought twice, and her eyes widened as she saw his eyebrows arch down at her. Lily hastily tried to course-correct.</p><p>"Come <em>on</em>, Potter, you've broken rules and flouted teachers for <em>years</em>—"</p><p>James rolled his eyes. "We both know you weren't talking about school rules, Evans."</p><p>Lily flushed, not looking at him.</p><p>He sounded almost amused as he said, "And to answer your question, <em>yes</em>, when a <em>girl</em> tells me what she <em>wants</em>, I fucking listen."</p><p>Lily sucked in a breath. How did he <em>do</em> that, just <em>say</em> things that made her want to pull him into an empty classroom and have more spying-turned-sexual escapades?</p><p>He went on, "So if Dolohov isn't <em>listening</em>, I imagine deep down she's not too fussed about him, yeah?"</p><p>And how did he do <em>that</em>, understand a concept so simple and elementary that Lily had been vexed for years wondering why all boys didn't get it?</p><p>"Potter, are you secretly a Legilimens or something?"</p><p>He burst out in a laugh. "I wish, Evans." With a soft smile, he reached out and tugged her plait playfully. "Then I'd know what was going in this pretty head."</p><p>Lily's heart leapt into her throat, and she grasped for how to reroute the conversation back to the Slytherins.</p><p>"So you just, what, psychoanalyze Slytherins in your spare time?"</p><p>James chuckled, unfazed by her deflection, and ruffled the hair at the crown of her head lightly before dropping his hand from her. "Gotta understand your enemies, Evans."</p><p>"A job you apparently take very seriously," she teased.</p><p>He shook his head. "I was just testing her out."</p><p>In her best faux-academic-serious voice, Lily asked, "And what are your conclusions from this psychoanalysis test, Mr. Potter?"</p><p>James smirked, mimicking her back as he said, "Well, Miss Evans, after rigorous analysis of all variables, I can only conclude that while she <em>thinks</em> she's the one in control, she would be quite easy to manipulate if you have something she wants."</p><p>Lily arched her brows at him. "Well I hope you're not planning on <em>actually</em> giving her what she wants. You really don't need to further the espionage cause that far on my account."</p><p>"Why, would that bother you?"</p><p>Lily looked up at him sharply, but his gaze was making a flush start to creep around her neck, so she looked determinedly ahead as she said, "You're her superior, it'd be inappropriate."</p><p>James burst into a laugh. "Okay, Evans."</p><p>They continued on in companionable silence, and they were ambling down a side corridor on the fourth floor when a thud, a sucking sound, and a loud swear word emanated from a broom closet door just ahead of them. James quirked an eyebrow at her, his smile almost too gleeful, and then he leaned back against the wall next to the door, flicked his wand toward the handle to unlock it with a light <em>click</em>, and then turned the handle and let the door fall open, his arms crossed casually over his chest.</p><p>Lily stood with her own arms crossed as the sight of two students (who looked like bloody <em>children</em>), both beat red in the face, stared back her, horrorstruck.</p><p>"It's past curfew," Lily said simply. "What house are you?"</p><p>"Hu—Hufflepuff," the boy spluttered.</p><p>Lily sighed. "Five points from each of you, then. Come on, let's go, back to your common room."</p><p>They dislodged themselves from their awkward position against each other (though thankfully they were both fully clothed) and around the buckets and mops stuffing the closet (one of which appeared to have fallen over, explaining the thud), and slowly clambered out of the cupboard. James, having noticed the tipped-over bucket, righted it with a silent wave of his wand and said genially, "Word of advice, mate? Use a silencing charm next time."</p><p>The Hufflepuff boy blushed even deeper at being addressed by James. "But—but we're just fourth years, we haven't—haven't learned those."</p><p>James's mouth twitched as he tried to hold back a smile. "Which is what the library is for, isn't it?"</p><p>The Hufflepuff boy nodded, still blushing, and scampered away with the girl, who hadn't said a word the whole time.</p><p>"Idiot," James muttered after them.</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows at him. "Do you really think the <em>Head Boy</em> should be giving out rule-breaking <em>advice</em>, Potter?"</p><p>He shrugged, smirking at her as he pushed off from the wall. "They're just after an innocent little snog, Evans, is that so bad?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "How would <em>you</em> know they're so innocent?"</p><p>James chuckled as he shut the broom closet door. "Because I was definitely <em>not</em> trying to have sex in fourth year, I was still figuring out how my prick even worked."</p><p>Lily knew she was flushing, but James just chucked her on the shoulder as they continued on down the hall. "Besides, you saw that broom cupboard, Evans. You telling me you ever expected a boy to do more than snog you in one of <em>those</em>?"</p><p>She hadn't thought it would be possible for her to flush any deeper in that moment, but she did. "No," she huffed, "because I've never <em>been</em> in a broom cupboard with a boy, Potter."</p><p>He stopped walking, and Lily turned to look at him, finding him staring at her with wide eyes and a slack jaw. "But—Thomas Belby. Lane Abbott. <em>Chuck Davies</em>."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Keeping a list of everyone I've snogged, Potter?"</p><p>James looked at her pointedly. "As if you don't know who I've been with."</p><p>Lily turned back around, grumbling to herself over the level of gossip in that school; she might as well have plastered a list on the notice board titled <em>All The Boys Lily Evans Has Snogged</em> because that was basically what dating in Hogwarts felt like.</p><p>James had caught up to her. "I'm not judging you, Evans, really. I'm just—<em>really?</em> <em>Never</em> in a broom closet?"</p><p>"No, Potter," she huffed. "Not all of us like to neck amongst the muck in a room full of dirty water and <em>mops</em>."</p><p>James doubled over in laughter, hands on his knees as his back shook. "<em>Fuck</em>, Evans." He slowly stood up, pulling up his glasses to wipe at his eyes, still chuckling. "There you go with that fucking honesty again."</p><p>Lily grinned and shook her head, oddly proud despite herself. "<em>Boys</em>. You're <em>unbelievable</em>. You're so bloody <em>desperate</em> to get with a girl you don't even think about where it is, do you?"</p><p>"No, Evans," he said plainly, laughter still lingering on his voice. "Truly, we don't."</p><p>"Well, not all of us put up with that shit."</p><p>He was silent a moment, and then his voice was back to normal, almost deeper, as he said, "Duly noted. So if not broom cupboards…"</p><p>She cut him off with a glare. "I don't kiss and tell, Potter."</p><p>His voice was quiet as he said, "I know."</p><p>Lily stopped in her tracks and met his gaze, the heat rising in her cheeks. This was it. Part of her had been waiting for it, stalling it as long as possible. He was going to bring up Sunday. He was going to ask her why she did it, and what it meant, and she wasn't going to have an answer for him, because she didn't even know herself, and so the answer was going to be what he didn't want to hear, and then it was going to be awkward working together, and they would probably row again, and maybe even stop speaking, and—</p><p>And he didn't ask. He gave her a soft smile and turned. And started walking. And said, "I thought we had done silencing charms by fourth year?"</p><p>He was <em>changing the subject</em>. Relief flooded through her as she strode to catch up to him, grabbing eagerly onto the topic of rehashing their curriculum.</p><p>By the time they were nearing the end of their rounds, Lily had mostly forgotten about their fourth-floor exchange, their conversation about their own earlier years turning into a recounting of various pranks he and his friends had pulled, with Lily finding herself interested to hear more of the backstory behind what they had done and, begrudgingly, <em>impressed </em>with the magic they had combined and used even when so young.</p><p>As they climbed the stairs to the seventh floor, Lily was practically pulling herself up the bannister, doubled over with laughter, tears streaming down her cheeks, as they recounted the time in fifth year that James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had shown up to History of Magic dressed in full-on Middle Ages costumes, complete with armor, wigs, and swords (and in Sirius' case, a huge frilly dress) and had stood at the front of the class reenacting the section of history that Professor Binns was recounting, with their own added flair. Binns had not seemed to notice, or care, and had even perked up slightly in his storytelling, realizing that he actually had an audience as the class had been utterly enraptured by the boys' skit.</p><p>"And the <em>kiss</em>!" Lily's whole body was shaking, her laughter manic by that point. "Bloody hell, I thought—was going to pee my pants—laughing so hard."</p><p>James wasn't faring much better than Lily at the moment, taking the steps slowly as he tried to calm himself down from his laugher. "<em>Shit</em>, I forgot about that. You know how much we had to fucking practice to be able to do it without laughing?"</p><p>Lily whipped her face up to him. "You fucking <em>practiced</em>?"</p><p>A new wave of laughter hit James and he fell against the bannister, a hand on his stomach as he shook his head. "Not—didn't actually<em> kiss</em>, Evans." He paused, taking a few deep breaths, and then said more steadily, wiping his eyes, "His hand was over his mouth, which you couldn't see from his wig, so I basically just made out with Sirius's knuckles."</p><p>"Bloody <em>hell</em>." Lily fanned herself, trudging up the stairs. "I don't know how you all got those costumes, or how you even <em>come up</em> with any of this shit, but that was probably my favorite, now that I think back on them."</p><p>James came up next to her, putting a hand supportively at her back, almost pushing her up the last of the steps.</p><p>"Glad you liked it, Evans. Maybe remind Sirius next Potions class when you two are passing notes."</p><p>Lily looked up at him, smirking. "I thought you saw those."</p><p>James slid his hand up to the back of her neck, steering her toward the Astronomy Tower, but didn't say anything.</p><p>"He started it, you know," Lily offered. "I don't think he can think straight if he doesn't have multiple conversations going on at once."</p><p>James chuckled at that. "Very true. I guess I'm just used to it."</p><p>He dropped his hand from her neck, the loss of its weight reminding her it had stayed there; she had been so wrapped up in laughing on the stairs she had barely noticed his closeness. He leaned against the door to the Astronomy Tower, listening for a moment; it <em>was</em> the most popular rendezvous spot in the castle, after all. He must have heard something she didn't, because he put a finger to his lips, then opened the door quietly and started for the stairs to the upper level. Lily followed, then bumped into James' back with an <em>oof</em> at the top of the stairs. He reached an arm back to steady her, and she heard him call, "Sorry, guys," as he started to turn around.</p><p>Lily maneuvered around him at the top of the stairs and saw who was there: Kingsley and Dorcas, closely intertwined, both with their shirts unbuttoned. Though Kingsley had Dorcas pinned against the wall, they were both looking over at James and Lily with dazed, goofy grins on their faces. Lily belatedly realized that James had meant to let them be, but that the noise of her running into James must have alerted them that they weren't alone.</p><p>Kingsley's brow furrowed. "What're you two doing up here?"</p><p>Lily felt heat flood her stomach, but James just grinned at Kingsley. "We're patrol tonight, you lucky bastard."</p><p>Dorcas giggled. "We owe you one, James."</p><p>"Nah, you don't, Meadowes." James turned to walk down the stairs, then called back over his shoulder, "Shack, lock back up when you leave, mate."</p><p>And he was jogging down the stairs, leaving Lily to scamper after him. Once back in the seventh floor corridor, James locked the Astronomy Tower door behind him, and Lily found herself blurting out, "I've never thought about that happening before."</p><p>James gave her an amused look. "What, Shack and Meadowes hooking up?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "<em>No</em>—I meant busting a friend. I guess it's never happened to me."</p><p>James shrugged, then smiled slyly as he added, "Perks of being a prefect, eh?"</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "Well, that's not <em>supposed</em> to be—"</p><p>It was James's turn to roll his eyes. "You and Remus, getting your knickers in a twist over every little rule. It's <em>Shack and Meadowe</em><em>s</em>. Mates' Code over Prefects' Code, Evans."</p><p>"<em>Mates' Code?</em>"</p><p>"Yeah, Mates' Code."</p><p>"So, what, Mates' Code says something stupid like, prefects get to do whatever the hell they want?"</p><p>James gave her a pointed look as he said dryly, "No, Mates' Code says that you leave your mates alone to have a shag in the Astronomy Tower because they're your <em>mates</em>."</p><p>Lily sighed, dropping the subject, and began ambling in the direction of Gryffindor Landing.</p><p>Though it was now midnight, there were a few stragglers in the common room doing homework, including Sirius and Mary, who were still working on Charms.</p><p>Sirius grinned as he saw them come through the portrait hole. "Well look who's back! And how was your date, Evans?"</p><p>Mary looked up sharply, her head swinging around to Lily and James. "A <em>da</em>—"</p><p>"<em>Patrol</em>," Lily cut over her, fixing Sirius with an annoyed side-eye, "was <em>riveting</em>, thank you for asking. We busted two fourth year Hufflepuffs snogging in a broom closet and then walked in on Kingsley and Dorcas in the Astronomy Tower."</p><p>Mary's mouth fell open while Sirius laughed. "Fucking Shack, taking her to the <em>Astronomy Tower</em>?"</p><p>Mary chucked a quill at him playfully. "Where's your sense of romance, Black?"</p><p>He chucked a balled up scrap of parchment back. "Nonexistent."</p><p>Mary rolled her eyes and said to Lily, "Don't wait up, Lil, I've got a ways to go on this yet."</p><p>Lily nodded, gave the boys a final wave, and headed upstairs, where she collapsed in her bed, not even bothering to change out of her school uniform. She had survived. More than that—she had <em>thrived</em>. She had laughed until she cried. She had enjoyed being at his side. She—</p><p>Was <em>losing</em> her <em>mind </em>because she was <em>thinking</em> in <em>rhyme</em>.</p><p>She flipped over on her stomach, holding her pillow over her head as she groaned into her mattress and tried to make sense of the swirling thoughts rushing through her mind. He hadn't brought up their spying-turned-sexy storage cupboard encounter. He had <em>flirted </em>with her—not that fake stuff he used to mess with Drucilla, but genuine, playful <em>flirting</em>. He had been <em>touchy</em>. He had flashed her that crinkle-eyed grin and been nice and been fun and Merlin help her if she hadn't wished the common room had been empty just to see if he'd kiss her again, like he'd kissed her that first time, all slow head tilts and sneaky tongue and hands setting her skin on fire.</p><p>She had never had any inclination toward Divination, but she was starting to feel like the universe was playing a cruel joke and Sybill was off in her tower having a right old cackle at her expense.</p><p>Because truly, how more twisted could the story get? The Boy Who Pranked had been named Head Boy. The kid who landed constant detentions and never studied had become an N.E.W.T. student who could transfigure anything McGonagall put in front of him. The toe rag who strutted around the school like an overblown Quaffle had morphed into a suave package of jawline and muscle and forearms that strode the corridors with a loping grace and easy smile. The child who had turned her teacup into a tarantula and constantly tugged her ponytail in class and asked her out incessantly like a public tug-of-war had evolved into a bloke who said smooth things and turned her desire into pleasure and, though he still tugged her ponytail, did it in a way that was suddenly charmingly affectionate and not the least bit annoying.</p><p>Lily's mind loved equations, and this was one that she could not crack. There was some missing variable, something she had overlooked. Because somehow, with no rhyme, reason, or explanation, and after <em>six years</em> of being Insufferable Prat #1, Bane of Her Existence Since First Year, James Potter just hit different.</p><p>And Lily couldn't do a damn thing about it.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>It was getting worse by the day. Her malady, that was. The malady known as fancying James Potter, which side effects now included getting caught by Marlene while staring at him in Charms; choking on her pumpkin juice while watching him lick his spoon at lunch; feeling so fluttery she was almost nauseous when he came up to her between classes and put his hand briefly on her back while he bent to relay a quick story about seeing those Hufflepuffs they'd busted in the broom closet; and spilling ink all over the parchment containing her Arithmancy homework, not to mention her lap, after the sound of his laugh had prompted her to look at him across the common room and her whole body started when Remus said quietly, "Fancy him back, do you?"</p><p>That had earned him a glare and a threat not to explain the final step in solving the last problem, to which Remus had simply rolled his eyes and said, "I promise I won't say anything, but Lily, maybe be less obvious if you don't want people to know, hmm?"</p><p>Thank Merlin for Fridays, when she didn't have to see him all day. When she could just get lost in her nerdy subjects and hang out with her other group of friends, her Friday People, Aiko and Pandora and Edgar and—</p><p>Garrytt. Who she saw every day in class and chatted with normally and who was also handsome, albeit in a different way, and nice, and charming, and with whom Lily kept forgetting she had a date.</p><p>It was just so easy being around Garrytt, as easy as it was being around Edgar or Remus. They got along, they knew how to study together, they understood each other. But it didn't escape Lily's notice that her heart beat perfectly normally around him, naught a stomach flutter to be found. Rats. Did she really call off a date with a perfectly datable bloke because she was swept up in some nonsensical school-girl infatuation with a not-datable one?</p><p>No, she did not. Because the <em>sensible</em> thing to do was go on the date with the sought-after datable bloke, and to somehow figure out how to stop being infatuated with the not-datable one.</p><p>Lily was absorbed in her thoughts as she wandered down the empty hallway toward the library; her Friday classes were done, her friends were scattered around the castle and grounds, it was a beautiful September day outside, she suspected there would be a raging party in the common room that night, and she was thinking through the few bits of homework she wanted to eke out before dinner when suddenly a hand clamped over her mouth, another grabbed her around her waist, and she felt the hot breath of a "Shhh" in her ear as she was walked swiftly backwards.</p><p>She was so taken aback she hadn't screamed, and now her senses were on hyper-alert. The arms around her had shirtsleeves rolled up to their elbows, and the palm over her mouth felt slightly calloused and was attached to long, pale fingers that stretched across her cheek, cutting off all ability to breathe except through her nose.</p><p>He walked her through a doorway, then shut the door and said softly in her ear, "Stay quiet when I take my hand off, please?"</p><p>She nodded, and as soon as he removed his hand, she turned to face him, dropping her bag on the ground, her lungs working in overdrive to catch her up on oxygen.</p><p>She spoke in screeching whispers. "<em>What</em> the <em>bloody </em>hell is going <em>on?</em>"</p><p>James had taken what little of a step back from her he could in that cramped closet and was looking at a small piece of folded parchment, illuminating it with the light of his wand.</p><p>"You nearly got caught in the crossfire of a reconnaissance mission," he muttered.</p><p>"I—pardon, fucking <em>what?</em>"</p><p>He peered at her over the top of his glasses, a smile twitching at his lips. "You heard me, Evans." He studied his parchment a bit more, then folded it and stuffed it in his pocket. "And now we wait."</p><p>Lily leaned back against the door, taking in her surroundings. They were, once again, in a small, cramped closet, though this time it was a traditional broom closet, filled with buckets and mops and cobwebs. There was hardly any room for them to stand apart, and James suddenly felt uncomfortably close.</p><p>"Bloody hell," she muttered, closing her eyes. "Should I tell you I'm claustrophobic?"</p><p>He chuckled softly. "Nice try, Evans. Although…"</p><p>She didn't like that tone. Her eyes flew open. "What?"</p><p>He braced a hand against the door by her head and brought his other to his heart. "I'm truly flattered, Evans, really I am—"</p><p>"<em>What?</em>"</p><p>"There is no higher honor—"</p><p>"—I swear to Merlin—"</p><p>"—than to be the <em>first</em>—"</p><p>"—oh, <em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>"—boy you've <em>ever</em> been with in a <em>broom closet</em>—"</p><p>"—sod <em>off</em>, Potter."</p><p>His tone was still mockingly serious as he asked, "Is it everything you'd hoped it would be?"</p><p>She lifted her head and sniffed in the air. "Sufficiently stale," she said. She swiped her finger on the door beside her before holding it up in the air in mock inspection. "Adequately dusty." She reached out her hand to pick up a mop where it was sitting in a bucket of grubby water, letting the water drip back into the bucket from the mop's gloopy ends. "Exceedingly mucky."</p><p>James's chest was shaking in silent laughter as he bent over her.</p><p>"I daresay, Potter, you <em>have</em> outdone yourself."</p><p>He looked down at her, his eyes glittering in the darkness of the closet. <em>Too close</em>. But suddenly he stilled, hearing something she didn't. She opened her mouth to whisper a question, but his fingers were on her lips as he bent his head, listening.</p><p>Removing his hands from her mouth and the door, he drew out the square of parchment and studied it for another moment before stuffing it back in his pocket and saying softly, "Sorry, false alarm."</p><p>"I <em>was</em> on the way to the library, you know. To do this thing called <em>homework</em>."</p><p>He flashed her a cheeky grin. "Well, that was your first mistake. This spot was staked out for the prime reason of no one coming here on a Friday afternoon as nice as today."</p><p>She quirked an eyebrow at him. "You're here."</p><p>He braced both hands against the door on either side of her head, leaning his body back to stretch his legs. "I am."</p><p>"Which I assume means your friends are somewhere nearby."</p><p>He smiled slyly at her. "I always thought you were smart, Evans."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "How much longer, Potter? Seriously?"</p><p>He shrugged, standing and putting his hands on his hips. "Seriously? I don't know. Part of doing reconnaissance is that you're on the subject's time."</p><p>"Wait, you—you're legitimately all <em>spying</em> on someone?"</p><p>She wasn't sure she had ever seen a more condescending look on his face. "Isn't that what I said the second I pulled you in here?"</p><p>"Well, yes, but—but that's <em>ridiculous</em>, it doesn't make <em>sense</em>."</p><p>"Sure it does," he said simply. "They're getting intel on us, we're getting intel back."</p><p>Lily's eyes went wide. "You're spying on <em>Slytherins</em>?"</p><p>He braced his hands around her head again. "Don't worry about it, Evans."</p><p>Well, of <em>course </em>she was going to worry about it. Slytherins were <em>dangerous</em>.</p><p>"Why are you so restless?"</p><p>"I'm not."</p><p>"Then why do you keep moving around?"</p><p>James sighed. "Just getting impatient."</p><p>"How'd you end up in here?"</p><p>He smirked at her. "Top secret. We all have a job, though."</p><p>"How many girls have <em>you</em> had in a broom closet?"</p><p>James opened his mouth reflexively to answer, like she'd wanted, but then he caught himself, looking down at her with a curious expression. "Evans, are you trying to <em>pry</em>?"</p><p>She looked back at him innocently. "Well, seeing as this is my broom closet deflowering, I think it's only fair to know what kind of rogue I'm dealing with here."</p><p>He smirked. "I'm not really a broom closet kind of guy, Evans."</p><p>"Oh, of course not," Lily mocked, "not nearly <em>roguish</em> enough."</p><p>James quirked an eyebrow at her as he drawled, "Broom closets aren't something you <em>plan</em>. You know what they say about they desperate times."</p><p>Lily's breath hitched in her throat. "Oh?"</p><p>He leaned down so his mouth hovered over her ear, his breath hot on her skin. "But I don't kiss and tell either, so…"</p><p>She pressed her fingers lightly against his chest. "You don't even tell your <em>mates</em>?"</p><p>Lily could sense him smiling by her ear.</p><p>"Depends which mate's asking."</p><p>"I'm asking."</p><p>James pulled his face around in front of hers; their noses were almost touching. <em>Too close.</em> His eyes studied hers in the dim light still emanating from his wand.</p><p>"Four," he said quietly.</p><p>Lily's eyebrows arched, and the words, "That's it?" were tumbling out of her mouth before she had time to think.</p><p>James rolled his eyes. "Yes, Evans, that's it."</p><p>"Adelaide and Dahlia, I'm assuming?"</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah, both of them."</p><p>"Who're the other two?"</p><p>James grinned sheepishly. "Greta McLaird in fifth year, she was my first kiss actually—but the first one wasn't in a broom closet—and Olivia Green later in fifth year, on a dare."</p><p>Lily's eyes went wide again. "<em>Olivia Green?</em> And she never spread that around?"</p><p>"She, er, might've told me she was in love with me and then got really embarrassed by it, so I don't think she wanted to risk that getting out."</p><p>Lily busted up giggling, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. "And Greta—she graduated last year. You went out with her?"</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah, a little bit. She's Mac's cousin, I've known her awhile."</p><p>Lily considered him. "Hmm. I don't remember anything about you and her."</p><p>James shrugged. "I think you were going out with Belby."</p><p>"Merlin, that feels like it was <em>ages </em>ago. It practically feels like it was someone else, and not even me."</p><p>"I know the feeling," James muttered.</p><p>There was a distant crash, and James froze. She could tell he was listening hard, and Lily instinctively held her breath, wondering if he could hear the wild pounding of her heart in the pressing silence. But there were no other noises, and James pressed up off the wall, pulling the square bit of parchment out of his pocket again and unfolding a piece of it. Lily saw a flash of lines and dots on the page and she leaned forward, mumbling, "What d'you keep looking at?"</p><p>James held it higher, out of her reach, and Lily huffed, her hands on her hips. "<em>Honestly</em>, Potter, you expect to hold me hostage in here and not tell me <em>what the fuck is going on?</em>"</p><p>"Sort of."</p><p>"Fine," she snapped. "Then I'm done playing this <em>stupid</em> little game, and I'm leav—" She had turned her body, her hand on the door handle as she started to bend to pick up her bag, but James was quicker, his hand covering hers, his body angled around her to block her way.</p><p>"I can't let you do that, Evans."</p><p>She glowered at him. "You are <em>insufferable</em>," she hissed.</p><p>His eyes flashed at her. "And you're <em>difficult</em>."</p><p>That shocked her eyebrows into her hairline.</p><p>His mouth twitched with a smile. "Just calling it like I see it, <em>mate</em>."</p><p>Lily's blood boiled, obscuring her ability to think of anything snappy to say, and so she just reached for the door handle again. James reacted instantly, his hand back over hers, his body pressing her against the back of the door.</p><p>His mouth was back over her ear as he said, "If I didn't know any better, Evans, I'd think you were just trying to get me close like this."</p><p>Heat swirled in her stomach, crept up her neck, as she felt his hand rest gently on her waist, but she forced herself to ignore what he said and demanded, "Tell me what we're doing in here."</p><p>He chuckled softly, his breath tickling her skin. "What do you <em>want</em> to be doing?"</p><p>Lily closed her eyes. His body was already trapping her against the door; his chest was flush against hers, his legs staggering hers so one pressed between her own. Between the damp mustiness of the broom closet and his smell filling her nose, she could hardly breathe. No. His fingers curled gently against her side where he held her at her waist, practically burning through her shirt and into her skin. <em>No</em>. That vortex of tension she had given into last time was tugging at her, pulling her hands to rest on the front of his shirt, just over his abdomen. <em>No no no no</em>.</p><p>James nuzzled her ear and pressed his lips to a patch of skin just beneath her jaw. A light gasp escaped her before she could control it, and she felt him smile. Her mind raced, trying to make sense of what was going on, trying to actually <em>think</em> this time instead of blindly following along the tension's pull. <em>No—</em>James pressed his leg more firmly between hers, his thigh like marble, its pressure rising up, right against her—<em>oh</em>.</p><p>Heat rushed to where his leg pressed against her through their clothes, and then his other hand, somehow not holding his wand any more, was running fingers up her bare thigh, the lightness of his touch raising gooseflesh in their wake. James trailed a few kisses onto her throat. One hand dipped from her waist to her low back, tugging her blouse free from her skirt and sliding against bare skin, sending tingles up her spine. His other hand gently gripped the top of her thigh under her skirt, jolting her with a pleasant, almost ticklish sensation. Lily felt buzzed, confused—how did they get here?—but aroused, so annoyingly, desperately aroused.</p><p>James sucked gently on her neck, his fingers moving slowly but deliberately over her skin and toward the edges of her knickers, like a silent question, giving her time to stop him. Part of her brain was screaming at her—<em>no, stop, turn around, what are you doing</em>—but that felt distant, disconnected, from the warm swipe of his tongue on her throat and the ache rising up where his leg rubbed against her body. Her hands were unwittingly at his sides, curling into fistfuls of his shirt; he shifted slightly, and he was there, firm against her hip.</p><p>She faintly heard him groan against her neck, and it was like a trigger, making her pull him towards her with her fistfuls of shirt, making her thighs squeeze around his leg, making her lips reach for the smooth ridges of his collarbone. His fingers slid from her leg and up her hip, his thumb tracing circles around her hipbone through her knickers before his hand was moving toward that recess above his leg, reaching for her. Lily's heart was in her throat.</p><p>His fingers swiped slowly, gently, over the outside of her knickers, and Lily gasped, her hips instinctively lifting to meet his touch as waves of pleasure radiated from where he had stroked her. James's lips widened into a smile against her neck, and she heard him murmur, "Should I help a girl out, Evans?"</p><p>Lily's throat closed, her mind buzzing frantically. James returned his mouth near her ear, scraping his teeth lightly against her jaw.</p><p>"You're vile," she breathed, echoing their prior exchange from the common room.</p><p>He smiled, nuzzling her cheek with his nose, his fingers still swirling slowly against the outside of her knickers.</p><p>"And you're soaked."</p><p>Lily whimpered softly as his lips pressed against hers right as his fingertips pressed more firmly against her knickers, his thumb burrowing into that spot that made her feel ready to burst.</p><p>"Tell me if I should help you, Evans."</p><p>She took a gasping breath, making one last feeble attempt to push away the vortex currently threatening to swallow her whole.</p><p>With a deafening crash, she was thrown forward onto James, the door behind her having burst open, flooding the broom closet with bright, blinding sunshine. James stumbled backwards, taking her with him, his arms having flown to catch her around her waist, but as the cupboard was exceedingly tiny, there wasn't much room until one of them kicked aside a bucket, sending water splashing over their feet and a mop crashing to the other side, and James collided heavily with the back wall, Lily falling crushingly against him.</p><p>"<em>FUCKING HELL,</em> Prongs, where the <em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>Sirius's bellowing voice cut off instantly, and Lily felt a sickening bubbling start in her stomach, her only thought that she needed to disentangle herself from James. But no sooner had she had the thought than his grip around her tightened, like he was passing her a silent message, <em>stay calm, I got you</em>, and she felt herself comply while he held her to him and slowly pushed off from the wall, righting himself and her along with him.</p><p>James's voice didn't betray a hint of anything amiss as he said, "Sorry, Pads. Evans almost went into the library."</p><p>Lily turned just in time to see James handing Sirius the folded square of parchment, the two of them having an unspoken exchange as Sirius's eyes moved from the parchment, to James, to Lily, and back to James.</p><p>"Uh-huh."</p><p>Lily was trying to surreptitiously straighten her skirt while they continued their silent, staring conversation, but then she felt Sirius's eyes roving over her, a smirk playing on his face.</p><p>"Looking a little disheveled there, Evans." His gray eyes sparkled at her.</p><p>She glared at him, her hands on her hips. "Well you would be too if you were <em>kidnapped </em>and shoved into a bloody <em>broom closet </em>only to be <em>knocked over</em>. At least tell me you got your fucking intel from your stupid <em>reconnaissance mission</em> so I don't feel like being trapped in here was a <em>complete</em> waste of time."</p><p>Sirius smiled in earnest and reached out a hand to tug her braid playfully. "You know, Evans, you're growing on me. And yes, I did get my intel, so thank you very much for keeping our Head Boy, er, <em>occupied</em> while the <em>rest</em> of us"—he threw James a snarky look—"could break some rules."</p><p>Lily's stomach somersaulted—did he know? Were they that obvious? James's face was a cool mask of amusement, his arms crossed casually in front of him.</p><p>Sirius looked Lily over, then exchanged another curious look with James before he turned back to her and adjusted her plait to lay over her other shoulder, grinning wickedly at her.</p><p>"I'm going to assume that's <em>not</em> a hickey on your neck, but I'd still wear your hair on this side if I were you."</p><p>Lily's stomach fell through the floor as she stared at him. Damn it all, he <em>knew</em>. And James had left a sodding <em>hickey</em> on her neck? What, were they <em>fifteen</em>?</p><p>She threw them both the dirtiest looks she could muster as she huffed, "I'm going to the library now," and neither of them stopped her as she picked up her bag and stormed off down the hall.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James turned to his friend and immediately set in to apologizing. "I'm sorry, Pads, she would have walked right into them, so I pulled her in here, and I tried to keep my eye on the map, but she was asking questions and trying to see it and being difficult, so—"</p><p>Sirius cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, I gathered all that. And it's fine, I mean I'll probably bitch about it for awhile, but we managed, no harm done."</p><p>His spreading grin was wicked, too knowing. "But Prongs—<em>Evans? </em>Were you two seriously just about to <em>fool around</em> in a fucking <em>broom closet</em>?"</p><p>James bit his lip and ran his hand through his hair, faltering at the intensity of Sirius's gaze. "I—maybe? We just sort of—" He gestured aimlessly around him.</p><p>Sirius arched a brow. "Realized you want to shag each other?"</p><p>James stared at him, and Sirius burst into barking laughter.</p><p>"<em>Shit</em>, Prongs, your <em>face</em>."</p><p>James rolled his eyes. "Pads, it's not like me wanting to shag her is exactly a secret."</p><p>"No, it's not," Sirius agreed, gasping for breath between laughs, "but her letting your hand up her skirt certainly is."</p><p>James opened and closed his mouth stupidly. "You—you saw that?"</p><p>Sirius winked at him through lingering laughs. "Guessed."</p><p>James groaned, cursing himself for falling for the oldest trick in the book as he pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "Pads—"</p><p>Sirius gripped his shoulder, jostling him playfully. "<em>Relax</em>, Prongs. I won't say anything."</p><p>James nodded. "Thanks."</p><p>Sirius was looking at him curiously. Almost <em>too </em>curiously. "This wasn't the first time."</p><p>Damn. "Er—no. It…wasn't."</p><p>His friend's face split into a huge grin as he pulled James through the door, slinging an arm around his shoulders as they started ambling down the corridor.</p><p>"You know, Prongs, years of being fucking pathetic might just be paying off for you."</p><p>James threw him a dark look, and Sirius jostled his shoulder. "Though we're seventh years now, you might want to lay off the hickeys, mate."</p><p>"Fuck off."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>He couldn't take his eyes off her. She had shown up to the common room party in jeans and a loose knit sweater with a teasingly low neckline, her hair brushed out from her plait and falling in thick, loose waves over her shoulder—on <em>that</em> side. The side where he had, only hours before, accidentally left a blossoming love bite on her neck.</p><p>He couldn't remember the last time he had done that to a girl—probably Greta in fifth year, when he had figured out a lot of things, like not to do that. But Lily just <em>did</em> something to him, just heightened everything, made him do things and say things that he wasn't sure he normally would. He was absorbed in her, like it was fifth year all over again, except this time they were Head Boy and Girl together, they were actually getting along (dare he think even becoming legitimate mates?), and though Lily had the luxury of having her sex life kept far more private than his, if that handy in the store cupboard was anything to go by, he would hazard a guess that her skills in that department rivaled those she had for potion-making, and she was already published as Slughorn's research assistant.</p><p>Quite honestly, he wasn't altogether sure he'd survive if ever even given the opportunity to shag her, but he also got the feeling that the door to that possibility was opening incrementally wider by the day.</p><p>He watched her as she laughed with Marlene, Peter, and Remus where they sat in a small circle near the fire. She was a vision when she laughed, eyes squinted under long lashes, teeth flashing brilliantly, cheeks rosy. It was a sound he thought he'd recognize anywhere.</p><p>"You could go sit by her, you know."</p><p>James turned to see Mary had sidled next to him, on the outskirts of where Sirius, Ludo, Kingsley, and Dahlia were all grouping around a table and pulling up chairs haphazardly for a game of cards.</p><p>Mary arched an eyebrow at him. "Hmm?"</p><p>He smiled and took a drink of his mead. "Mac, you know me too well."</p><p>She chuckled. "Or I can just interpret <em>bloke staring longingly across the room at pretty girl</em>."</p><p>James glanced back over toward Lily, sitting on the sofa with her elbow on her knee, palm under her chin (on that side), a wide smile on her face as she watched Remus telling a story from where he lounged on the floor pillows by the fire with Marlene.</p><p>"Oi!" Sirius called. "You two playing?"</p><p>"Deal me in, Black," Mary called over her shoulder. "Potter's out."</p><p>Potter crooked a brow at Mary. "Maybe I wanted in that round."</p><p>Mary fixed him with her knowing look, a smirk playing at her mouth, as she tipped James's bottle of mead while he drank it, forcing him to swallow another huge gulp. "No you didn't. You want to go talk to Lily, lover boy."</p><p>He had never been one for Divination, but the stars seemed to be aligning for him. Maybe Sybill was onto something after all, helping him out from her far-flung tower of crazy. Because Peter had left for the drinks table, and Remus and Marlene were getting up to not-so-surreptitiously sneak up to the boys' dorm, and that all left the perfect opening for James to drop onto the sofa right next to her before she could even think about getting up.</p><p>"Evans," he greeted her, handing her a now-open bottle of mead. Her face turned from surprise to suspicion as she slowly plucked the bottle of mead from his hand.</p><p>"Potter."</p><p>He nodded at the bottle of mead. "You looked like you needed another drink."</p><p>Her lips twitched, but she held back a smile. "How observant of you."</p><p>James clinked his bottle with hers before taking a drink. "I'm a good mate."</p><p>She raised her eyebrows at him. "Oh? And tell me, what does the Mates' Code say about"—she lowered her voice and held her bottle near her face, like she was hiding from lip-readers—"leaving hickeys on other mates?"</p><p>James grinned at her. "Sorry about that."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "No you're not."</p><p>"Well, sorta. I mean, I'm not sorry about your broom closet deflowering, but I am sorry for, er, inconveniencing you with, you know—that."</p><p>Lily chuckled at that. "You're a prat, Potter."</p><p>"No, just a rogue who plunders broom closets."</p><p>She choked on her mead, her eyes watering as she turned to look at him, laughter playing across her face, though she was trying very hard to hide it. James winked at her as he leaned back casually into the crook of the sofa, one leg propped up on the ottoman in front of him while his elbow rested on the sofa's arm, his bottle of mead dangling from his hand. He knew how he looked just then, wearing dark jeans and a gray henley that highlighted his muscles without being too tight. Lily's eyes roamed over him, and he watched her try to distract herself with taking a pull of her mead. Satisfaction purred in his chest. She was <em>so</em> into him; as if the store cupboard hadn't been a dead giveaway, her wet knickers that afternoon certainly had. But he thought he could tell she was trying <em>not</em> to be into him, which made the dynamic between them somewhat delicate, and now that he was here, next to her, alone on the sofa but certainly not in the room, he wasn't entirely sure what to say.</p><p>He was saved by Emmeline Vance bursting through the portrait hole, breathing hard while her eyes searched frantically through the crowd. Her fevered gaze spotted James, and she rushed over to him.</p><p>James sat up straighter as she approached. "Vance, what's going on?"</p><p>She bent to lean her hands against her knees. "Thank Merlin—situation—on four—Slytherins cornering—Ravenclaws—my year—outnumbered."</p><p>"Bloody hell," he muttered, getting to his feet. "Take me, yeah?"</p><p>Emmeline nodded and turned back toward the portrait hole, James on her heels. It wasn't until he was taking the stairs down from Gryffindor Landing that he noticed footsteps behind him and looked over his shoulder.</p><p>"Evans?"</p><p>Her eyes flashed at him. "I'm Head Girl, Potter, you really expect me to sit this out?"</p><p>He smiled sideways at her. "'Course not. But if it's a matter of dueling these gits—"</p><p>"I'll back you up."</p><p>A wave of affection surged over him; she had never deferred to him like that. Defense and Transfiguration were the two subjects he had always beaten her in, and his years of childish hallway dueling had solidified his reputation the best dueler in their grade, but still, she had never given him any indication that she knew—that she <em>accepted</em>—this dominance of his. For her to do so now, in the face of potentially dueling a pack of Slytherins together, infused him with a level of confidence he hadn't even known was possible for him to reach—and that was saying something.</p><p>They jogged down hallways and rounded corners at speed, Emmeline panting the story over her shoulder to them as they ran: she had been on rounds with Laurel Woods, another fifth-year in Ravenclaw who was Muggle-born, and two boys from their year had been walking with them a ways when their path had suddenly been blocked by a group of Slytherins, led by seventh-years. Knowing they were outmatched, Emmeline had left the boys with Laurel and immediately doubled back to find help, knowing she would at least be able to find some of her older teammates in the Gryffindor common room.</p><p>"You did good, Vance," James told her, ignoring the stitch in his side.</p><p>Emmeline skidded to a stop at the stretch of fourth-floor corridor that led to the West Tower; it was a longer, wider corridor, one well-traveled during the day hours, and was lined by floor-to-ceiling stained glass windows all down one side. Moonlight poured in, illuminating the scene: a crumpled body on the floor, Snape standing over it, wand out, face hidden behind a greasy curtain of hair. Two younger-looking boys, holding out wands with shaky arms, had their back to James. Beyond them, and behind Snape, James recognized the figures of Dolohov, Avery, and Mulciber, the whites of their eyes glittering from the shadows.</p><p>Snape had looked up at the sound of their footsteps, sneering. "Well, well, well," he drawled quietly. "If it isn't our heroic Head Boy, come to save the day."</p><p>Somehow Snape made it sound like the worst insult in the world, but James shrugged it off, shouldering past the Ravenclaw boys, his wand out at his side.</p><p>"That's me, Sniv. Reckon I'm just doing my job, seeing as you're standing over an injured girl."</p><p>Lily was moving past him, falling to the floor beside Laurel. James tensed, waiting for the Slytherins to go after her, a blatantly easy target, but Snape's nostrils just flared and he pushed Laurel's shoulder away with the toe of his shoe before turning and slinking back into the shadows. James didn't take his eyes off the Slytherins, staying only vaguely aware of Lily's gentle rousing of Laurel, eventually helping her stand up. Emmeline rushed over to help Lily walk Laurel behind James, and then he heard Lily's voice, low but strong, saying, "Take her to the Hospital Wing, she needs Madam Pomfrey. Carry her like this, I think her ankle may be broken." There was a rustling behind him as the boys set off, and then Lily's voice again, saying, "Go with them, Emmeline."</p><p>"But—don't you need—"</p><p>"Go, Vance," James called. He knew she was only counting their number, seeing that if she left it would be two against four, but he wasn't going to risk her getting hurt by Slytherins—<em>trainee Death Eaters</em>—two years her senior.</p><p>Footsteps fell in the distance, and then he sensed Lily's presence rejoin his side.</p><p>Snape's figure materialized into a slant of moonlight, his face contorted into a snarl as he looked at Lily, disgust written across his face.</p><p>"I see you made your choice," he spat.</p><p>"I see you made yours." There wasn't a hint of hesitation in her voice.</p><p>James chanced a sideways look at her. Her hair was bristling around her face, falling over her chest, looking red as blood in the shadowy corridor. Her eyes shone bright with adrenaline, her loose sweater dipped just low enough to show the steady rise and fall of sloping curves as she breathed, and she radiated a fierce energy, like she was spoiling for a fight. She reminded him of a tiger, staring down her prey like she knew how it was going to end.</p><p>"You know, I actually believed you," she went on. "When you said you <em>loved</em> me."</p><p>James' eyes snapped to Snape, who blanched, his eyes popping murderously. He hadn't expected her to go there, then.</p><p>"But you<em> lied</em>."</p><p>Snape's face twisted strangely, like he was desperate to correct her but forcing his mouth to stay shut.</p><p>"You <em>lied</em>," Lily repeated. "You know how I know you lied?"</p><p>Snape raised his wand toward Lily; James could see it trembling slightly. He raised his own wand back toward Snape, saw Lily raise hers, and the other Slytherins raise theirs.</p><p>"You don't <em>sell out</em> the people you love, Sev."</p><p>Snape grimaced, and the pain on his face just then was evidence enough of the betrayal Lily had described for James to feel an overwhelming wave of fury on her behalf. He got it now. Or at least, as well as he could, given that it was Snape.</p><p>Snape's eyes were back on Lily, wand slightly steadier, though his words sounded choked.</p><p>"You <em>don't understand</em>. I <em>tried</em> to warn you—"</p><p>Though the sprint down there had sobered up any tipsiness he may have felt upstairs, the combination of adrenaline and alcohol in his veins was emboldening him while sheer instinct corralled his focus, preparing him for a fight.</p><p>He took a step forward, cutting across Snape. "You don't get to fucking talk to her. You had your shot, I was fucking there—"</p><p>Snape flung a hex at him, but he deflected it and flung one back. To his surprise, the other three didn't intervene, seemingly intrigued by the argument unfolding in front of them.</p><p>"What, don't want your Death Eater friends behind you to know the truth?"</p><p>He volleyed another couple of jinxes toward Snape, making him work to parry them.</p><p>"That you might've been there on assignment, but that you <em>wanted</em> it"—Snape's face was white, nostrils flaring, as he threw another hex toward James—"because you want <em>her</em>"—the fear in Snape's eyes told him he was right—"and you <em>fucked it up</em>."</p><p>Snape was breathing hard through his nose, sending an unyielding volley of curses at James, but James fought back. "You don't <em>deserve</em>—to even <em>look</em> at her—after fucking <em>betraying</em> her like that."</p><p>For the briefest of seconds, Snape froze, like that word—<em>betraying</em>—had shocked him; or maybe it was the realization that James knew more than Snape thought he did. James didn't hesitate, hitting Snape with a Disarming Charm so strong it knocked Snape back through the huddle of Slytherins and sent them skidding to the floor.</p><p>Wild spells shot out toward James and Lily from where the Slytherins scrambled to their feet. James bore down on them, turning them so they faced him in front of the wall, using his position to his advantage, and he sensed Lily drifting away from him across the width of the corridor, though he thought the Slytherins might not have noticed since they were so focused on trying to get their footing while defending against James.</p><p>Before long, the four of them had managed to get up, and James had thrown up a Shield Charm against their coordinated attempt to stun him. He was honestly surprised it held, and he wasn't sure how much longer it <em>could</em> hold, when suddenly Mulciber and Avery went down in body-binds, and Dolohov and Snape immediately broke their attention from James to swing their heads around toward Lily. But that meant, as she had no doubt wanted, James had a split second to immobilize Dolohov when his head was turned, leaving only Snape cornered between them, turning his head frantically back and forth.</p><p>Lily spoke first. "Who're you gonna choose, Sev?"</p><p>James saw the conflict on Snape's face, could practically see his slimy brain turning, trying to find a way out.</p><p>"You want to have another go at me? You know Potter'll have you knocked out before you even think your first spell."</p><p>Was that a…compliment?</p><p>"Or you want to have a go at him? Go on, do it."</p><p>James could hardly believe it. <em>Lily</em> was taunting <em>Snape</em>. Full on <em>taunting</em> him.</p><p>"Do it, Sev. You want to know what <em>betrayal</em> feels like? Go after Potter, right now, and watch me help him and not you."</p><p>James's stomach backflipped right as Snape's face did that odd twisting thing again, like he was warring with himself. Lily fucking owned the both of them, and she damn well knew it.</p><p>Sweat was trickling down Snape's forehead, his already oily hair sticking wetly to the sides of his face, his voice barely more than a growl as he said to Lily, "You wouldn't."</p><p>"You wanna bet on that?" Her eyes flashed dangerously.</p><p>"I <em>know</em> you wouldn't," Snape repeated with a hiss. "You're <em>better </em>than him, you'd nev—"</p><p>But Lily had ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face and to the other side, so casually it had looked subconscious—except for the fact that her neck was now bare, on <em>that </em>side, and the moonlight illuminated her skin, highlighting the faint smudge just below her jawline. It was lessened, no doubt the result of some bruise salve or other, but it was still there.</p><p>James's jaw hit the floor. Lily was <em>using</em> him. To exact vengeance on <em>Snape</em>.</p><p>He had never wanted her more in his life.</p><p>Admiring Lily was short-lived, however, because that little show had obviously had the desired effect, and Snape was whirling on James, his spell slamming James into the wall behind him, knocking his glasses off his face and to the ground with a clatter, holding him pinned against the stone, and though his eyes were watering from the force of striking his head, he saw the blurry figure of Lily, hair like fire in the moonlight, cast a simple body-bind at Snape, sending him toppling over onto the stone floor.</p><p>James fell to the ground as Snape's spell lifted, and he righted himself gingerly, eyes closed, trying to catch his breath and wrap his mind around whether he was hurt anywhere. There were cold fingers on his face, followed by the slide of his glasses back onto his nose. He blinked, taking in Lily crouched in front of him, and realized he was slightly woozy. Her fingers were in his hair, reminding him painfully of how they had raked over his scalp in other ways, and he fought arousal as she prodded him gently.</p><p>"You're bleeding," she said softly. "But I can't tell how deep this is. Can you walk?"</p><p>He started slowly pushing himself up to standing, letting her help him, and he swayed slightly as he finally found his feet. Lily looped his arm around her shoulders, holding onto his forearm tightly while her other hand fastened securely around his waist.</p><p>"You hit your head pretty hard."</p><p>"Took you long enough to take him out."</p><p>"Eh, I thought I'd let you get knocked down a peg or two."</p><p>"Fuck off."</p><p>Lily chuckled but didn't say anything, guiding him around the immobilized Slytherins laying haphazardly on the floor. Though they couldn't move, their eyes still watched James and Lily, and they could obviously still hear.</p><p>"You know what, Evans?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You're really fucking hot when you're angry."</p><p>Her fingers dug into his side, a warning, though he could hear the smile in her voice as she replied, "Just trying to help a bloke out, Potter."</p><p>Clearing the fourth-floor corridor, they started the treacherous descent down a staircase.</p><p>"You <em>are</em> good at that," he told her.</p><p>She ignored him, focused on making sure he was sure-footed on the stairs.</p><p>"Potter?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"You have one floor to get rid of that boner before I turn you over to Madame Pomfrey."</p><p>Later, he'd tell himself it was just the wooziness talking, but really he spoke the truth when he mumbled back, "As if I could ever <em>not</em> be hard around you."</p><p>He thought he heard her smirk softly, but she didn't say anything after that, for which he was grateful, because he did somehow need to get rid of this erection before they reached the Hospital Wing.</p><p>In the end, he managed it only by thinking tactics for dealing with the Slytherins, because no matter how woozy he was, he could still recognize that he and Lily had effectively just started a war by revealing that they knew about Snape's betrayal in the plan to sell her out. He would tell his friends tomorrow, they would watch the map to see if and when the immobilized Slytherins were found, and they'd keep their ears open, waiting, to see if the story got out or if the Slytherins kept it hushed up.</p><p>Once in the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey had patched James's split head in no time, tutting all the while as Lily told her that they were there after handling the same situation that had landed Laurel in a bed, wrapped ankle propped up on a pillow, just down the row. James bizarrely reflected that the tenor of this visit to Madam Pomfrey was unlike anything he had previously experienced, no doubt because he was there for the first time in his capacity as Head Boy and not as an annoying kid who had gotten himself into yet more stupid trouble.</p><p>Madam Pomfrey gave him a sip of Awakening Potion, which was just enough to vanish his wooziness and the dull ache that had started throbbing on his skull, bringing him back to being fully alert. He hopped up off the bed, was dismissed by Madam Pomfrey, and made his way back through the darkened castle with Lily in companionable silence, resuming his thoughts about the Slytherins with a clear head.</p><p>By the time they got back to Gryffindor Tower, it was well-past midnight and the common room was empty. The fire was still blazing in its grate, and Lily immediately went to the sofa in front of it, sinking into the cushions with legs drawn up and her arms around her knees. James rummaged around the drinks area and eventually found an unopened bottle of Firewhisky that he uncorked as he sat next to her, musing to himself that they had somehow managed to end up exactly where they had started that evening.</p><p>"What a fucking night," he mumbled, taking a deep pull of the Firewhisky. It burned his throat, but he welcomed it, wanting to be pulled starkly to the present and away from rehashing the duel in his mind.</p><p>Lily made a nondescript noise in agreement and reached her hand out for the bottle, which James promptly handed her.</p><p>"Thanks for backing me up, Evans."</p><p>"Anytime, Potter." Her voice sounded vacant. He looked over at her; she was staring blankly into the fire, taking a long pull.</p><p>"You alright?"</p><p>She shrugged. "It's just…a lot. I'm still wrapping my mind around everything. Honestly, I…I don't really feel like talking about it."</p><p>She took another pull of whisky, then handed the bottle back to James. He rested an arm on the cushions behind her shoulders and propped up one foot against the ottoman, setting the Firewhisky to the side. He figured she was probably thinking about Snape, and everything she had told him in the Prefects' Bathroom after she had dueled him in class.</p><p>"Can I at least tell you how amazing you were back there?"</p><p>She smiled softly, but she kept looking straight at the fire. "Thanks, Potter."</p><p>James slid his arm from the cushion to circle her shoulders and pulled her into him. To his surprise, she let him, and she nuzzled her head into his chest. James gave her a gentle squeeze, rubbing her arm lightly.</p><p>He didn't know how long they sat like that; he took another pull, then passed her the bottle for her own, which she lifted up to drink from before settling back into him. They sat in companionable silence, James' fingers tracing slow shapes around the arm of her sweater.</p><p>Eventually Lily sat up, meeting his gaze. Her green eyes were blazing in the firelight, and her hair was mussed from dueling and then snuggling against him.</p><p>James didn't even think—he just kissed her. Lily stiffened at first, as if taken by surprise, but then her shoulders relaxed and she kissed him back, her head tilting for him, and he threaded his hands in her hair, slid his tongue over her lip. He thought she shuddered, and his own spine was tingling as he felt her hands go to his sides, fingers scrunching at his shirt, just as her tongue pushed into his mouth. James groaned softly, one hand sliding from her hair to her waist, wanting her closer, wanting her against him.</p><p>Maybe it was the renewed tipsiness from taking a few pulls of Firewhisky on an empty stomach, or maybe it was the aftermath of taking on a group of up-and-coming Death Eaters together, or maybe it was the fact that what they had done in that store cupboard had set a new tension simmering between them the whole week, or maybe it was all of that combined, but they were suddenly grasping desperately at each other, heads ducking, mouths sliding, tongues clashing, and James didn't even realize Lily had somehow gotten herself in his lap, her own legs wrapped around him, until he felt the soft pressure of her breasts pushing against his chest.</p><p>His head swam but his hands, being more coherent than his brain, slipped under her sweater to circle her waist, run over her back. Her skin was hot to the touch but soft, stupidly soft. He felt the groan low in his throat, followed by another as one of her own hands slipped down the collar of his shirt, pressing hotly into the back of his shoulder while her other hand buried in his hair.</p><p>They broke for air, Lily curving back from him as her eyes darted frantically between his before she whispered, "I think I'm kind of tipsy."</p><p>He smiled and murmured back, "So am I."</p><p>"Potter, what're we <em>doing?</em>"</p><p>His brain still not fully functioning, what with her legs around him and his hands up her jumper, James answered literally. "We're making out, Evans."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "That's not what I <em>meant</em>—"</p><p>"Yeah, I know what you meant." He leaned closer, nudged against her nose, kissed the corner of her mouth. "And we should talk—tomorrow. After we've made out some more."</p><p>She was trying to bite back a smile. "You're <em>ridiculous</em>."</p><p>"Is it working?"</p><p>He caught the glitter in her eye, saw that look—something sort of like affection but also partly like mischief—that he was coming to recognize was something she reserved just for him.</p><p>"Shut up, Potter."</p><p>She kissed him, and he was grinning under her mouth.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>She had lost all ability to be sensible.</p><p>She blamed Firewhisky. Also Slytherins, for being vile bullies and picking fights with younger Muggle-borns on Friday nights. And Snape, for being a vile betrayer. But mostly she blamed James Potter, for being, once again, not actually vile, and rather the most attractive thing she'd ever fucking seen, and for managing to do it while fending off four—<em>four!</em>—Slytherins at once so she could sneak around to take two of them out unawares.</p><p>And that was why she was now in his lap, legs wrapped around him, on a common room sofa, snogging him like she needed him to breathe.</p><p>Not sensible in the slightest.</p><p>James's hands seared into her skin where they pressed against her back, pulling her closer to him. She couldn't get enough. Her hands buried in his hair, mouth sliding against his, and she didn't even notice how she was wriggling against him until she felt it: his arousal, straining in his jeans, right against <em>her</em> jeans, where she felt like they were surely soaked through already.</p><p>She stilled, his bottom lip still between her teeth, and James reached a hand down under her arse, holding her tight against him. Heat surged to where they joined, the pressure of him underneath her, even through layers of thick fabric, so deliciously <em>good</em>. James pulled his lip from her teeth, moved his mouth to her throat, sucking gently as he slid a hand up the front of her knit to cup her breast. Lily shivered as he traced circles over the front of her bra with his thumb, an electric wire lighting up in her body, making her positively <em>pulse</em> for him, and she bit her lip hard, digging fingertips into his scalp. She was so caught up in the sensation of his touch with his tongue on her skin that she didn't even notice when she started rocking her hips against him, subconsciously seeking more of that delicious friction.</p><p>James smiled against her skin. "Get it, Evans."</p><p>She gasped, coming back to herself. "Potter, I—"</p><p>"Shh." He lifted his face to hers, their noses side-by-side. "You're so fucking sexy."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, and he reached up to her face, tucking hair behind her ears. With a cheeky grin, he added, "I mean it, Evans. You could make me come in my trousers right now if you really wanted to. <em>That's</em> how much you turn me on."</p><p>Lily giggled, wrapping her arms more snugly around his neck, somehow feeling more relaxed, more comfortable with him knowing how much she wanted him.</p><p>"Should we test that theory, Potter?"</p><p>"No," he said instantly, "because if I'm gonna come right now, I want you to touch me."</p><p>Lily sucked in a breath, meeting his eyes. He slid his hands back under her knit, ran them over her back, as his lips hovered near hers. "But I want to make you come first."</p><p>She let her eyes flutter closed, leaned in to press her lips gently against his mouth. His lips parted for her, his tongue meeting hers softly in a languid dance. Desire purred in her chest. She was powerless to stop it. Even worse, she didn't <em>want</em> to stop it. Now that she had just been reminded how he kissed, how his touch lit her up like lightening, she <em>craved</em> him.</p><p>Lily pulled back slowly, her voice a whisper. "Potter?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>Her mouth twitched up in a smile. "I do believe I was about to tell you to help me with something in that broom closet before we were so rudely knocked over."</p><p>He grinned at her. "Is that so?"</p><p>Lily smiled, feeling slightly shy, as she nodded.</p><p>James's voice was a whisper against her mouth. "Then let's pick up where we left off."</p><p>He scooped her against him, standing just enough to turn and lay her down on the sofa, wedging her between himself and the back cushions. His hands immediately went to her jeans, swiftly unbuttoning, unzipping, shimmying them down around her thighs. Laying next to her, he cradled her head in one hand, then rested his hand on her stomach for a moment, kissing her mouth, before slipping his hand inside her knickers and running his fingers over her outline.</p><p>He smiled, his voice sounding like he was <em>impressed</em>, as he whispered, "<em>Fuck</em>, Evans, you're fucking dripping."</p><p>Lily sighed in pleasure, arching toward him, as she found herself admitting, "I've been worked up for you ever since that <em>fucking</em> closet."</p><p>He chuckled into her neck, stroking her without dipping his fingers too far inside, and Lily squirmed.</p><p>"And then—that <em>duel</em>—"</p><p>"That turn you on, Evans?"</p><p>"You took on four of them—by <em>yourself</em>."</p><p>"Of course I did."</p><p>Lily bit back her smile, shaking her head. "So bloody <em>arrogant</em>."</p><p>"Feels like you like arrogant."</p><p><em>Oh</em>, he was so infuriatingly <em>right</em>. She had loved every arrogant word, every arrogant move, that had come out of him during that confrontation with the Slytherins. Just like she loved every arrogant word, every arrogant move, coming out of him on that sofa. It made no sense. It went against everything she'd ever told herself—against everything she'd ever told <em>him</em>.</p><p>"Fucking <em>hell</em>, Potter." Lily squirmed against his hand, beyond aroused.</p><p>"What, Evans?" He was playing with her, <em>taunting</em> her. "Something you want?"</p><p>She didn't have patience for this. "<em>Potter</em>," she hissed, "I've been turned on since this afternoon and I just saved your arse <em>and</em> took you the Hospital Wing so Pomfrey could fix you, don't you <em>fucking dare</em> play games with me right now."</p><p>James smiled—<em>smiled!</em>—down at her before nuzzling her cheek and murmuring, "I've always liked it when you get bossy."</p><p>And he sunk two fingers into her, pulling his head up to watch her face as he reached deeper, stroking her in long, sweeping motions. Lily couldn't keep her eyes open, couldn't stop her mouth from falling open, couldn't stop her hips from lifting to meet him, from squirming against his hand.</p><p>James leaned over her, still cradling her head, and spoke softly, his voice low and throaty like she'd never heard it. It was almost like how it had sounded when he'd flirted with Drucilla before, but Lily could hear the warmth in it now, could tell it was real, not something he was forcing.</p><p>"You like that right there?" He smiled as she bit back a whimper, did that same swirling touch again. "Fuck yes, Evans."</p><p>Lily was pooling in pleasure, soft mewling sounds escaping her as James worked her with his fingers, dotted kisses on her face. But then as he was pumping his fingers into her, scissoring through her, Lily suddenly felt herself reaching that point she always had with boys, where she just <em>stalled</em>, release temptingly close but also too far away, even despite how good his fingers felt.</p><p>And with a lurch, she realized James could <em>tell</em>.</p><p>His murmur was soft in her ear. "What do you need, Evans?"</p><p>Her breath hitched. She wasn't sure if she knew <em>what</em> she needed, just that she needed <em>something</em>.</p><p>"Hey." His voice was gentle, his eyes searching hers. "I can't read your mind, Evans. Tell me what you need so I can give it to you."</p><p>Lily had never heard a sexier sentence.</p><p>"Go back to what you were doing before."</p><p>"This?"</p><p>"Yes, but more—"</p><p>"Like this?"</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>. And touch me—"</p><p>"Here?"</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>James grinned. "<em>There</em> it is."</p><p>Lily stared at him in shock, new pleasure suddenly flooding her body. He had asked—<em>asked!</em>—what she needed, and then he had listened—<em>listened!</em>—to exactly what that was, <em>and then</em> he had done—<em>done!</em>—<em>exactly</em> <em>what she told him</em>.</p><p>She had never been more turned on in her life. Something primal suddenly awoke in her, something wild and intense and confident that she'd never felt with a boy before. She slid her hands from his neck up into his hair, saw his eyes flash at her, something like desire, like hunger, like he recognized this dormant power in her coming to life.</p><p>Suddenly, with only a few more of those magical strokes of his fingers, she was <em>there</em>.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Potter. I'm—I'm fucking close."</p><p>"Yeah you are."</p><p>Lily sighed, biting her lip so she wouldn't moan aloud. "<em>Potter</em>."</p><p>"I got you, Evans."</p><p>She couldn't hold back her hissing whispers. "<em>Fuck</em>, Potter. <em>Fuck</em>. Right <em>there</em>."</p><p>His breath was hot on her face, his hair soft between her fingers as she held his head close to hers. She could feel him rocking softly against her, his arousal jutting into her stomach in time with his fingers digging and stroking and swirling.</p><p>"Come on, Evans." Her body started trembling. "I know you're close."</p><p>"<em>Potter</em>."</p><p>"Come on. Come for me."</p><p>Lily could only whimper. James tightened his grip where he cradled her head, drawing her toward his shoulder as he leaned his torso farther over her. "Shh, quiet, Evans."</p><p>She snaked one arm under him so she could bury her face in his shoulder and clutch his back, her other hand still deep in his hair.</p><p>"Potter, <em>fuck</em>. I'm—"</p><p>She couldn't get the words out. She was so close, teetering on the edge, like she was unbalanced on a beam.</p><p>"I know, come on." He locked into a short stroke right at her pleasure point, keeping constant pressure exactly where she needed it, and Lily gasped into her shoulder, eyes scrunching, her whole body tightening. "That's it, baby, <em>come</em>."</p><p>She didn't even have time to process that slip—<em>baby</em>—because that very next stroke, that next flash of pressure, sent her free falling over the edge, stars bursting behind her eyes as she coiled against him, every muscle in her body taut.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, Evans. <em>Fuck</em> yes."</p><p>Lily smushed her mouth against his shoulder, stifling the noises escaping her as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over her, James's fingers still coaxing her, her brain only distantly aware of James's murmur in her ear, "Keep coming, baby, <em>fuck</em>."</p><p>The room spun around her as she slowly came back to herself, clutching James with everything she had. James was still holding her tight against him, still cradling her head against his shoulder, even after he withdrew his fingers from her knickers and wiped them on his jeans before enveloping her in his arms.</p><p>"Potter, what—?"</p><p>He chuckled against her cheek. "I take care of my Head Girl, Evans."</p><p>Lily nuzzled his face. "And does my Head Boy need taking care of?"</p><p>He froze, searching her eyes. She'd never said that before, that <em>my</em>, but whatever had woken up inside her was making her say and want things she would have been afraid of before.</p><p>Lily didn't wait for him to answer, just reached down between them, going straight for his belt and fly. James tilted for her, supporting himself on his propped elbow by her head.</p><p>"Evans—"</p><p>She pushed his trousers down as much as she could, reaching inside for him, beyond ready for her. His eyes closed as he bit back a groan. Lily closed her hand around him, sliding and twisting slowly at first, giving him a moment to adjust to her hand on him.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Evans. I won't last."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>James shook his head. "I was already close from watching you go—"</p><p>Lily smiled, passing her palm over the top of him, collecting those leaking trickles before returning her hand to grasp him, tugging more insistently now. James buried his face in her neck, his free hand going to her hair. He was partially on top of her, thrusting into her hand with a rolling rhythm as she worked him.</p><p>Suddenly emboldened, she whispered, "Show me what you like, Potter."</p><p>He dropped a kiss on her mouth as he reached his hand down to cover hers, pulling her grip higher and tightening his fingers around hers so she'd squeeze him harder.</p><p>"This tight?"</p><p>"Yeah, you won't hurt me."</p><p>Keeping his hand over hers, he guided her through a couple shorter, rougher strokes, his eyes squinting shut. "<em>Fuck</em>. This will get me, Evans."</p><p>Lily resumed as he'd shown her, and he thrust reflexively as she did, then nudged her thumb before withdrawing his hand from hers.</p><p>"Keep doing that thing you did—yeah—but more pressure—<em>fuck</em>, like that."</p><p>Lily only had to pump him like he'd showed her a few times before his face was scrunching over hers, his breath shallow as he whispered, "Fuck, <em>fuck</em>, Evans—I'm right there—fuck—baby, don't stop—"</p><p>This time she swallowed hard, her stomach fluttering as she heard it. <em>Baby</em>. Did he even know he was saying it?</p><p>Lily could feel him thickening in her hand, could tell he was right at the edge. She arched her back, hastily pulling her jumper up to her breasts, over her bra. James's eyes were darting over her, watching her get ready for him, and for a second he seemed <em>surprised</em>. But then his eyes flashed with a dark heat, and he was reaching for the back of his shirt, pulling it off, tossing it to the floor, rolling so that he was on top of her, his legs between hers, bracing himself up by his hands sinking into the cushions on either side of her head. Lily's head swam at the visual of him over her, like her old lusty fantasy had been projected straight out of her mind, but better, because she'd never imagined shoulders popping like that as they braced over her or abdominals rippling where his muscles clenched in built-up pleasure or that <em>look</em> on his face, something raw, heated.</p><p>"<em>Evans</em>." Even through his whisper, his voice had an edge to it. He bit down a moan, his face starting to scrunch again, and Lily didn't even think, just reached up her free hand to his mouth, giving him her palm as her fingers cupped his jaw.</p><p>"I want to watch you, Potter."</p><p>He pressed his lips against her skin, his teeth sharp where they dug into the meaty area under her thumb, muffling his groan.</p><p>Coaxing him felt natural, the words tumbling out of her mouth. "Yeah, come on." She pumped him harder, felt his teeth sink deeper. "You're huge, Potter, I know you're right there."</p><p>Lily could sense his body tensing as she talked to him, could see him fighting to keep his eyes from scrunching all the way shut as he bit and sucked down on her palm.</p><p>"Come on." She ran her thumb over the top of him and his eyes squinted shut, his groan muffled against her hand. "Potter, <em>come</em>. Let me feel you all over me."</p><p>His body trembled, and then he <em>whimpered</em>—something involuntary and strangled and throaty and more vulnerable than any sound she'd heard out of him—and somehow Lily knew this was it, pulled her eyes from his face, angled him down as she stripped him once, twice, and then watched him spill onto her stomach, simultaneously feeling the ticklish heat of his release on her skin and his pulse thudding in her hand and his teeth and tongue and lips crushing against her palm.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, Potter." She touched him gently, working him through the last lingering pulses of his release, watching him watch her hand on him. He broke his mouth away from her palm as he watched, whispered a nonsensical string of, "<em>Fuck</em>, Evans. Just <em>fuck</em>."</p><p>When he was done, she slowly pulled her fingers away, and he lifted his eyes to hers. His pupils were blown behind his glasses, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen. With a deep breath, he lowered himself onto one elbow, coming to lay on his side next to her, trapping her against the back of the sofa again. He brought his free hand to her face, holding onto her cheek as he buried his face in her neck.</p><p>"Evans." His murmur was muffled against her skin. "That was so fucking hot."</p><p>She stroked his hair, closing her eyes as she heard him breathing hard into her neck.</p><p>"Potter," she whispered back. "What are we doing?"</p><p>He caressed her cheek as he murmured into her neck, "<em>This</em>, Evans. We're doing this."</p><p>"I—"</p><p>His fingers were instantly over her lips. "I know what you meant. Answer's the same."</p><p>She opened her mouth again, but he just pressed more firmly with his fingers. "<em>No</em>, Evans. We're not talking it to death. Be in the fucking moment."</p><p>That jarred her in a way she hadn't expected. She felt…<em>seen</em>. Because just then, when she'd been trying to protest, her mind had been racing with all sorts of questions and conjured scenarios and panic. What did this <em>mean</em>? What were they <em>doing</em>? What did he <em>want</em>? What <em>would</em> he want? What if they got <em>caught</em>? Would they do this <em>again</em>? Would they only do this with <em>each other</em>? What was <em>happening</em>?</p><p>She resumed stroking his hair, felt his fingers tentatively slide away from her mouth and then come to rest at the top of her chest, splayed over her collarbone, hand moving with the rise and fall of her still-rapid breath. She didn't know how long they laid there like that, and she was just starting to feel her eyes droop with sleepiness when James peeled his head up, then reached down toward the floor for his wand and vanished his release from her stomach before dropping his wand back on to the floor and tucking himself away. Her mind still racing, Lily reached down, shimmying her jeans back up around her hips, and then pulled herself upright. James sat up next to her, palm braced behind her as he ducked his head down to hers, cupped her cheek in his palm, and kissed her.</p><p>It wasn't heated, but it wasn't chaste either. It was something soft, as tender as the head or cheek kisses he had left her with before. And somehow, it left her mind blissfully blank.</p><p>Then, "C'mon, we should get some sleep."</p><p>Lily nodded, watched him as he pulled his shirt back on, then let him lead her by threaded fingers to the staircases. Seeing him upright, he looked thoroughly debauched, and Lily was sure she didn't look much better. With one last cheeky grin, like he was reliving some moment on the sofa in his mind, he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles as he looked right at her.</p><p>"Goodnight, Evans."</p><p>Lily felt breathless. "Goodnight, Potter."</p><p>There was no doubt about it: she was a goner.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Sniffing Out Information Like Gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>She was still a goner in the morning, though a far more panicked goner. What was she <em>doing</em>? She had just hooked up with <em>James Potter</em> on a <em>common room sofa</em>. Who even <em>was</em> she anymore?</p><p>This needed to stop. She was <em>Head Girl</em>, for Merlin's sake. She was supposed to be <em>sensible</em>. She was supposed to be <em>responsible</em>. She was supposed to fall for a boy the <em>normal</em> way, after letting him take her on a nice, romantic date and leaving her with a nice, romantic kiss at the door. And she most certainly was supposed to <em>not</em> have any non-platonic feelings of any variety for the Head Boy.</p><p>Who had not taken her on a date, but who had dueled a pack of Slytherins with her and then left her with a very suggestive hand kiss at the staircase after plying her with passionate kisses on the sofa. Whom she had just jerked off and watched come all over her stomach. Who was now two-for-two in giving her the orgasm no other boy had ever been able to give. Who bloody <em>listened</em> like no boy had ever listened, and who had somehow unlocked a primal desire for <em>more</em>.</p><p>Whom she <em>respected</em>. Whom she even…trusted?</p><p>That was new. Also unnerving, yet somehow oddly comforting at the same time. She thought back to how he had called out Severus on her behalf, taking over the confrontation. It had been a public display of loyalty she hadn't expected. She had realized in that moment that he had listened, really<em> listened</em>, to her <em>before</em>, when she'd talked about Sev. She hadn't been sure James had really got what she had tried to explain, and she had assumed he hadn't really cared to understand, because him and Severus had been at odds since the very beginning. But he <em>had</em> gotten it, or as well as he could, anyway. He had defended her the same way she'd imagine he would defend his friends. That touched her more deeply than she wanted to admit, and it also terrified her, because it showed her more than anything that what he had spoken after the Severus duel was true: he <em>cared</em>.</p><p>How was it possible to feel secure in knowing he would be there for her, yet also petrified by what that could mean? And how was she supposed to maintain whatever good rapport—whatever <em>friendship</em>—they were developing while she also wanted his hands back on her body?</p><p>What a mess. They were <em>badge partners</em>. They had only been getting along for <em>two weeks</em>. They were supposed to be trying to be <em>friends</em>. They weren't <em>supposed</em> to be getting each other off after every situation they were called to handle as Head Boy and Girl, no matter how good a listener he was or how good his kisses felt. For Merlin's sake.</p><p>He was right on one thing, at least: having slept and being back to completely sober, they should talk, and when they did, she would remind him that they were <em>friends</em> and <em>colleagues</em> and she would tell him that whatever non-platonic things had happened between them was past tense, not to be repeated, because it wasn't professional in the slightest. And then she would set her mind to curing herself of the senseless malady known as fancying James Potter, because she was now exactly one week away from her normal date with a normal boy and that was just how it was supposed to be.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Her plan started unraveling by breakfast. She was chewing her toast, minding her own business, ignoring the Head Boy several seats down from her, and listening to her friends rehash their controversial cards game from the night before (several allegations of blatant cheating were made, along with accusations of severe retaliatory measures), when she heard it.</p><p>"Hey, Evans."</p><p>Lily turned reluctantly, knowing exactly who was saying her name, and she saw James standing standing in the aisle between tables, hands in his pockets, nodding for her to follow him. Frowning, she got up and walked toward him, and once she had reached him, he turned, ambling toward the front of the Great Hall.</p><p>"Vance brought Laurel back," he told her.</p><p>"Oh!" Lily turned, her eyes searching for them. "Then she's alright!"</p><p>James must have already spotted where Emmeline was sitting by Laurel at the front of the Ravenclaw table, because he walked straight up to them and swung his leg over the bench, straddling it to face Laurel, who immediately blushed.</p><p>"Hey, Laurel. You alright?" He smiled at her softly, making her blush even harder as she nodded.</p><p>"Yes, I—thank you. I'm okay."</p><p>Lily put her hand on Laurel's shoulder. "No broken ankle, then?"</p><p>Laurel shook her head, her eyes going wide as she noticed Lily. "No, just—just sprained, but Madame Pomfrey fixed it up last night, and I'm feeling better—a lot better."</p><p>James looked across the table to the two boys who sat there, watching the whole interaction curiously. "You were the two who were there last night?"</p><p>One of them nodded. "I'm Henry Clearwater," he said, holding his hand over the table toward James. "I'm the fifth year prefect with Laurel."</p><p>James shook his hand and asked, "Your dad's in the Department of International Cooperation?"</p><p>Henry nodded, smiling, and James said, "Nice bloke. I've met him, through my mum."</p><p>The boy next to Henry mimicked his friend, offering James his hand shyly and introducing himself as Quirinus Quirrell, looking anxious. "Are we, er, in trouble?"</p><p>James looked confused. "Why would you be in trouble?"</p><p>The boy called Quirinus looked nervously from James to Lily. Henry cleared his throat, and Lily didn't miss the way he exchanged a brief look with Emmeline before he said, "We weren't really supposed to be there. It was after curfew, and we were walking with the girls when they were on rounds, which I know we're not, you know, supposed to do."</p><p>He had the good grace to look embarrassed by it, at least. James shook his head, speaking before Lily could. "Don't worry about it. It's good you were there."</p><p>He turned back to Laurel and told her, "I'm glad you're alright."</p><p>His smile was so genuine, his intentions so pure, that Lily felt a sudden wave of affection for him. This was a side of James she had never seen until this year: his eagerness to help people, <em>protect</em> people. She had always known he was this way with his friends—they were the tightest-knit foursome she had ever seen—but lately he had been extending that outward. To <em>her</em>. And now to others he didn't even know. Or had he always been like this, and she had just never noticed?</p><p>Lily gave Laurel's shoulder a squeeze. "I'm Muggle-born, too, Laurel." The girl's eyes went wide as she took in this information. "You can come to me for <em>anything</em>, alright? Potter too."</p><p>Laurel swallowed heavily, speechless as she looked between them, and Lily saw Emmeline beaming over Laurel's shoulder.</p><p>Lily turned to go and James got up, giving Henry a wave and then squeezing Laurel's shoulder as he left. Lily smiled to herself as she heard Emmeline say behind them, "<em>See? </em>I <em>told </em>you, they're super nice!"</p><p>James smirked and said quietly, "We make a good team, Evans."</p><p>She looked sideways at him, taking in his rumpled hair, his equally as rumpled sweatshirt, the same one he had worn last weekend, that she had felt against her cheek as she trailed kisses over that neck and made him—</p><p>She forced her eyes straight ahead, biting her tongue. She needed to get it together. Really, one good deed as Head Boy and she was unraveling? Pathetic.</p><p>But also: <em>good deed</em>.</p><p>Oh no. No, no, no. Lily cursed whatever flirtatious banter they'd had that had turned Gryffindor's character traits sexual. She was <em>not</em> going to think about that, because then she'd start thinking about those lips on her skin and that smooth thickness in her hand and—</p><p>They reached her seat first, and she felt his fingers press fleetingly into her back as he passed behind her, and fuck it all if she didn't want to drag him into broom closet right then so she could jump his bones, badges be damned.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily disappeared from the common room sometime after breakfast, and though James spent the day amiably with his friends, even going out for a nice, long roam on the grounds for awhile, he couldn't stop thinking about her. The absence of her presence was like an ache in his chest, like he <em>missed</em> her just from not being in the same room.</p><p>It was pathetic, he knew. But after the night before, he didn't even care. Because he was done for. A goner. Utterly helpless against falling in love with this girl, this fiery, beautiful girl who had driven him mad in every way for the better part of the past six years and who had just taken down Slytherins at his side and flaunted him, helped him, <em>chose</em> him, without batting an eye, over one of his mortal enemies, over the one she had always sided with before. And then she had kissed him like he'd never been kissed and felt better than he'd ever imagined her feeling and looked at him like he was everything she'd ever wanted and topped herself completely in giving him the best hand job of his life.</p><p>He also knew this was slightly dangerous. Because this was more than just physical attraction, more than just fancying her. He had <em>feelings</em>. He thought he had had them before too, but he hadn't known her as well then. Well, not that he knew her perfectly <em>now</em>, but he certainly felt they had covered quite a lot of ground in the two weeks they had been badges together. It was like whatever feelings he'd had at fifteen had not disappeared like he'd tried to make happen (who was he kidding?), but had instead been hiding out of sight, growing all the while, and now had burst back into the front of his consciousness in full force, swelling and expanding with each flirtatious banter, each personal observation, each situation managed, each kiss and touch and smile.</p><p>Like he said. Helpless. Done for. Pathetic.</p><p>And now it was Saturday, that relaxed late afternoon time just before dinner, when everyone was lazing about and musing ideas for the night ahead, and James was once again playing chess with Remus and, once again, losing, although this time it had nothing to do with Remus's mouthy chess pieces and had everything to do with how he could barely focus for his constant glancing toward the portrait hole.</p><p>"You can ask me if you want to know where she is, you know."</p><p>James looked up at his friend, seeing his far-too-knowing smirk, and only thought about being stubborn for half a second before he relented. "Where is she?"</p><p>Remus chuckled. "Dungeons. You know she's been Slughorn's research assistant for like two years? Well, he has a new potion he's working on, today was their first go at getting started."</p><p>James nodded and moved his knight. "Dunno how she does it all."</p><p>Remus was quiet a moment, and James assumed he was just pondering his move before sending a pawn to its death, but then Remus looked at James with a curious expression as he said quietly, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think she facies you, Prongs."</p><p>James stared in shock. He obviously knew <em>that</em>, but Remus didn't know about what had being going on in private with Lily, and if Remus could still <em>tell</em>, without knowing, that meant something. "You—you think?"</p><p>Remus smiled at him. "I caught her staring at you the other night."</p><p>Satisfaction swooped through his stomach.</p><p>Suddenly Remus's smile took a rather wicked turn. "And that's twice now you've left the common room together and not come back until we've all gone to bed."</p><p>James froze, heart leaping into his throat, as he stared at Remus. He wanted to tell him, he really did, and a part of him had felt supremely guilty in keeping this all to himself. He warred with himself. He and Lily had agreed not to tell, but Sirius already basically knew, and of his friends, Remus was probably the safest <em>to</em> tell. And James wanted—<em>needed</em>—to talk about it, especially with Remus, who had been friends with Lily far longer than he had.</p><p>He glanced around them, checking if anyone seemed to be watching or eavesdropping (a not uncommon occurrence in that school, as he now <em>really</em> knew), then leaned over the chess board as he told him in a low voice, "You can't say <em>anything</em>. <em>Especially</em> not to Marly. Well, Sirius sort of knows, he kind of walked in, but just—don't say anything?"</p><p>Remus nodded, eyebrows arched in curiosity.</p><p>James took a deep breath. "We've hooked up a couple times."</p><p>Remus's eyes went wide, a grin spreading across his face. "Are you fucking with me right now?"</p><p>James shook his head. "Dead serious. It just…happened. And then…happened again."</p><p>"Have you…talked about it?"</p><p>"Er, no."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"See…what? Exactly?"</p><p>Remus grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but James didn't get to find out what it was Remus saw because just then he felt a tap on his arm, and he looked up to see Emmeline looking at him strangely.</p><p>"What's up, Vance?"</p><p>"Er—Edgar Bones is outside the portrait hole. He's asking for you."</p><p>James frowned. "What does he want?"</p><p>Emmeline shook her head. "I don't know, but he looks like he came from practice, and he might be with somebody? He was blocking them though, acting strange. He just told me to see if you were in here and have you come out if you were."</p><p>Remus shrugged at him, and James sighed, getting to his feet; his knees were stiff from having sat for so long at chess. Edgar seeking him out was more than strange. Maybe it was about Quidditch? Something prefect related? Or, the other common denominator they both shared—Lily? His insides roiled at the thought. Did Edgar want her back? Was this about to be one of those territorial conversations? But how could Edgar even <em>know?</em> It's not like him and Lily were holding hands down the hallway; they had only hooked up twice in secret. Surely she wouldn't have told him?</p><p>"I'll be back, Moony."</p><p>He worked his way through the crowded common room, then got caught in a quick banter with Sirius, Ludo and a few other sixth-years, who were milling about not far from the portrait hole. James didn't much care; Edgar could wait. Adelaide was trying to catch his eye, and he looked at her only briefly as he pulled away from the group, laughing at something Ludo had said.</p><p>"Where you going?" Ludo called.</p><p>James tossed back over his shoulder, "Being summoned for a quick chat, I'll be back."</p><p>He was still laughing over his shoulder at Sirius's call of, "A <em>chat</em>, eh? Hope it's not <em>too quick</em>, Jamesie!" when the portrait swung closed behind him, and he turned to see Edgar standing in a far corner of Gryffindor landing, facing the corner like he was embracing someone. Edgar was in his Quidditch robes, only missing his pads, and his shirt looked uncharacteristically untidy, pulled out around his waist. As Edgar's head lifted, James's insides turned to ice as he noticed a flash of red hair near Edgar's chest.</p><p>"Do I need to give you two a minute?"</p><p>Edgar met his eye, his face looking grave. "She needs help, Potter."</p><p>James looked him over again, more thoughtfully this time, and realized he had seen wrong: Edgar wasn't embracing Lily—he was holding her up.</p><p>All bitterness toward Edgar fled his mind as he jogged over to them in the corner. "Bones, what the fuck's going on?"</p><p>Edgar gently held Lily away from him, pulling down his cloak slightly from where he had draped it over Lily's head and shoulders. The sharp scent of blood, mixed with something putrid, met his nose, and his eyes took in the slimy brown gunk thickly covering her hair in disbelief.</p><p>Disbelief instantly turned to rage. "Who did this?"</p><p>Really, he already knew. There was no way this wasn't retaliation for taking out those Slytherins the night before. But if Edgar had a name, he needed it, because even though he wanted to start tearing Slytherins limb-from-limb, he realized it would probably be better to stick to the actual perpetrator instead of just killing all of them.</p><p>Lily's eyes seemed vacant, her face drained of even more color than normal. Edgar leaned her gently against the wall and said quietly, "Lily, sit for a minute." She slid down the wall, knees in front of her, not seeming to notice or care that her pinafore dress was riding up her thighs, and Edgar twitched his cloak so it draped over her front like a blanket.</p><p>He took a few steps away from her, keeping her in his sight, and James followed.</p><p>Edgar was shaking his head, and he told James quietly, "I didn't see them, it all happened fast—she was coming up that staircase from the dungeons. I had just been heading toward my common room from practice, was walking over to say hello. We got hit. It was some sort of hex, felt like I was being punched wherever it landed, and then this shit just dumped all over her from nowhere. Mud, mixed with blood from something, and some toad guts, I think."</p><p>"Is she hurt?"</p><p>"I don't think so, she just seems to be in shock. She hasn't said anything. But Potter, if she got hit with the same hex I did…well, it was fucking painful. Felt like taking a Bludger to the gut, and then I just kept getting pummeled. I'm used to getting knocked around at Quidditch, so I recovered faster, but she was wheezing most of the way up here. I'm not sure if she can walk much more."</p><p>James nodded, looking back up at Edgar. "Anyone else see you?"</p><p>Edgar frowned. "There were some other people out and about in the halls, but I didn't notice anyone specific. I was too focused on getting her up here, to be honest."</p><p>Guilt ate at him for his earlier nonchalant attitude, for not caring that he made Edgar wait. James knew what it felt like to get hit by Bludgers, and Edgar had picked himself up and then managed to half-carry Lily all the way to Gryffindor Tower—all after what James was sure had been his own grueling practice. It was no less than James would have done, and he felt a strange mixture of respect and envy surge through him.</p><p>"Why'd you bring her here, Bones?"</p><p>Edgar looked confused. "What d'you mean?"</p><p>"I mean you could have dropped her at the Hospital Wing, that would have been way closer for you—"</p><p>Edgar was shaking his head. "We agreed before that if she got attacked by Slytherins, I'd only take her to Pomfrey if she needed life-saving help. Otherwise, she just wanted to be brought back to her common room, didn't want the Slytherins to get the attention for it."</p><p>James felt a strange twisting feeling in his stomach at hearing how she and Edgar had discussed that—had almost <em>planned</em> for it, like she'd known it was inevitable.</p><p>"And it should be obvious why I asked for you to come get her." Edgar raised a hand to James's shoulder. "I trust you, Potter. Especially in a situation like this. Especially when it involves her."</p><p>James nodded, throat suddenly a little thick, and Edgar removed his hand, turning to look down at Lily. He paused a moment, then looked back over at James, his face a little too knowing as he added, "You know we're not together anymore, right?"</p><p>"Er, yeah, I—I did hear that."</p><p>Another wave of guilt hit him then for jumping to all the conclusions he had.</p><p>Edgar had a thoughtful look on his face. "Lily and I were friends first. And we're better as friends, yeah?"</p><p>James could only nod again, unsure what to say. But Edgar was crouching in front of Lily, saying quietly, "Up you go, Lil."</p><p>Her legs seemed wobbly, and for the first time James noticed her eyes seemed watery, like she was finally getting through her initial shock and nearing tears. Edgar was wrapping his cloak to cover her head, and then he was gently guiding her towards James, like he was getting ready to hand off a bizarrely overgrown, swaddled baby.</p><p>"Get the cloak back to me whenever, it doesn't matter. And let me know how she is tomorrow, yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah, I will."</p><p>James put a tentative arm around Lily's shoulders and Edgar took a step back from them. Their eyes locked, and Edgar gave him a small smile. A strange heat swirled in his stomach, the moment suddenly feeling much more significant than just passing off a hurt friend to their Housemate.</p><p>He pulled his eyes from Edgar and bent his head toward Lily, knowing Edgar was still watching. "Can you walk, Evans?" She responded by taking a step, but then her knees buckled.</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, James sensed Edgar reach out instinctively as James caught her around the waist. Their eyes met again, and James knew the same worry that flashed across Edgar's face was etched on his own.</p><p>James steadied her, and Edgar took a step back again.</p><p>"Alright, Evans, here's what's gonna happen. I'm going to pick you up, and I'm going to carry you straight upstairs. The common room's crowded right now, so keep your head down, okay? I'll get you through."</p><p>She nodded, just a small jerk of the head, but it was more response than he'd seen of her thus far, so with a final parting nod to Edgar, he bent down and scooped Lily up in his arms. Her head immediately buried into the crook of his neck and shoulder, one arm reaching up to hold onto him.</p><p>The Fat Lady swung forward, and he plunged into the common room, immediately met by shocked faces of Ludo, Sirius, and Adelaide. Lily shifted against him, a lock of her hair falling out from under the cloak wrapped around her, and Adelaide shrieked, "Is that <em>Lily?</em>"</p><p>Sirius was stepping up to him, saying, "Mate, what—?" But James brushed past him, muttering, "Upstairs," and sensed Sirius fall into step behind him.</p><p>People were crowding in front of him now, watching, throwing out questions, pushing for a closer look, but James just shouted, "<em>Move</em>—she's fucking <em>sick</em>," and <em>that</em> parted the crowd immediately, leaving open the path to the staircases.</p><p>James kicked open the door to his dormitory and went straight into the lavatory, depositing Lily gently on the shower floor. Heavy footsteps behind him told him his friends had followed him. Just then, Lily reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt.</p><p>"They can't see me like this." Her voice was barely a whisper, her eyes wide. "<em>Please</em>."</p><p>He got up and reached the lavatory door just in time to stop a hurtling Mary, closely tailed by Sirius and Remus.</p><p>"What the <em>fuck</em> happened, James? She's <em>sick</em>? What's happened? Let me <em>through</em>."</p><p>He pulled the lavatory door closed behind him, pushing Mary forward into the dormitory. Her eyes were flashing, her face cold as iron, as she struggled against him. "Let me <em>see</em> her!"</p><p>To his surprise, it was Sirius who spoke first, grabbing Mary's arms from behind her. "Mac, calm down. If James is leaving her alone, then she's okay to be alone."</p><p>Mary breathed hard through her nose, still glaring at James, but she at least stopped trying to get past him.</p><p>Remus asked quietly, "What happened?"</p><p>James looked back at Remus as he said, "She got attacked when Bones was nearby. He brought her up here, that's why he sent for me."</p><p>Remus' brow furrowed. "How bad was it?"</p><p>Lowering his voice, not sure if Lily could overhear or would even be listening, he told them what Edgar had told him. Mary's face looked murderous as he finished, but she kept her voice to a harsh whisper as she hissed, "So you're telling me that she's <em>in there</em>, still covered in fucking mud and blood and Merlin knows what other <em>shit</em> and we're standing out here <em>why?</em>"</p><p>"Because," James snapped, "literally the only thing she's said since it happened was that she didn't want anyone else to see her like this."</p><p>Mary looked taken aback at his tone, and Sirius and Remus were both eyeing him warily. James sighed, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>"Look, maybe she's embarrassed, or still processing it all—I don't know. I just know she's been in shock, she couldn't even walk once Bones had gotten her up to the Tower. She seems like she wants to be alone. I think all the attention would be too much for her right now."</p><p>The sound of the shower being turned on, of water running, filtered through the lavatory door behind James, and they all stood still for a moment, listening.</p><p>Sirius broke the silence, asking, "What should we tell people downstairs?"</p><p>Mary rounded on him. "If she doesn't want <em>us</em> to even <em>see</em> her, she doesn't want people to <em>know</em>."</p><p>Remus shook his head. "Sirius is right. James already shouted she was sick, she was all wrapped up—we can't just ignore it, we have to say <em>something</em>."</p><p>James raked his hands through his hair again. "Just say someone found her ill and helped her back to the common room. Leave the Slytherins out of it. You can pretend you don't know what happened, I mean, it's not like any of us were there."</p><p>Remus nodded. "Makes sense."</p><p>Mary added, "When she's up for it, we can use your cloak to move her."</p><p>She was the only one of the girls who knew about his invisibility cloak, having been a beneficiary of its usefulness in fourth year when she had been sneaking out to meet up with a boy but ended up running from Filch, and James and Sirius, who had been out for one of their late night strolls exploring the castle, had pulled her under it just in time to save her from detention.</p><p>"Yeah," James agreed. "I'll send for you."</p><p>His friends left the dormitory, Mary seeming especially reluctant, and Remus cast James a knowing look over his shoulder as he left, like he was making the same connections James was between their burgeoning secret affair, Edgar's sending for James specifically, and Lily's refusal to see anyone else—connections that James was slightly scared to think about.</p><p>Once his friends were gone, James locked the dormitory door and then knocked on the door of the lavatory. "Evans, you alright?"</p><p>No response.</p><p>"If you don't yell at me to stop right now, I'm coming in."</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>James creaked open the door to the lavatory, seeing Lily's clothes and bits of lingerie laying in a pile on the floor in front of the drawn shower curtain. His stomach turned over, arousal threatening to seep through his veins even though he knew this was definitely not the time nor place.</p><p>He grabbed a towel from the shelf, then leaned against a patch of wall near the shower.</p><p>"Let me know you're conscious, please?"</p><p>She let out a sob she had clearly been holding in, and James thought his heart might break at the sound. He sunk down to the ground, tossing the towel aside as he drew his knees up in front of him and leaned his head back against the cool stone. He didn't know what to say, didn't think anything he could say would be any help anyway, but he felt a strange compulsion to stay, like he had to give her the solidarity of listening to her work through the pain.</p><p>Her floodgates now opened, her emotions surged past her shock, and he heard her ragged breathing, her gasping sobs, and then suddenly she was wheezing, and then coughing, and it almost sounded like she was choking, and then just as James was starting to clamber to his feet, she was throwing back the curtain from hands and knees, diving for the toilet across from him, and he didn't even have time to notice she was naked, he was just diving over her, his longer arms getting to the seat first, shoving it up with a <em>clang</em> as she retched violently into the bowl, and he scrambled to pull her hair back from her face, realizing that it was still caked in mud and grime, that she must have just been sitting crying in the shower, and for the second time in the span of a couple weeks, he helped her be sick, kneeling over her from behind, wrapping her hair around one hand so he could keep the other pressed solidly on her back, murmuring quiet nothings while her body recoiled from its realization of what it had endured.</p><p>When she had cast up everything she could, she shifted her head up slightly, breathing hard, and James reached around her to flush again, finally letting go of her hair only to reach for toilet paper and wipe her mouth and chin. He reached for more, then held it up to her nose. "Blow."</p><p>She started to protest against him for the first time, tensing up like she finally realized he was there, the flush rising up her neck betraying her embarrassment, but he pressed a hand into her back and said quietly, "We're past that, Evans. Blow your nose." She reached up, nudged his hand out of the way to take the toilet paper herself, and then blew her nose and finished wiping up the snot around her lip. James reached for the forgotten towel, shaking it out and draping it around her.</p><p>"Don't move, alright? I'll be right back."</p><p>James got up to fetch his wand, which he had left on the shelf by the towels, and then rummaged in the wardrobe outside the lavatory where they stashed alcohol and sweets, pulling out a bottle of Firewhisky and a pack of peppermint gum.</p><p>She had wrapped the towel more thoroughly around herself but otherwise hadn't moved, and as he knelt down next to her, she raised her eyes to him, bright with water, though he wasn't sure if they were true tears or from being sick. Salty streaks had dried down her cheeks, interspersed with dried trickles of the grime that still coated her hair and crept onto her skin. Without preamble, James cast a quick Scourging Charm to her mouth, then removed the bubbles and held out the bottle of Firewhisky, instructing, "One pull."</p><p>She complied, with a rather long one, and then he took the bottle back from her and left a stick of gum in her hand, which she immediately popped into her mouth. James stood up, reaching out his hand to her, and she took it wordlessly, letting him pull her to her feet. Guiding her by her shoulders, he turned her gently around, pulled back the shower curtain, and prodded her inside, where the water was still running. But instead of leaving her in there, he turned her so she was facing the water, angling it down toward her shins, and then he stepped in behind her at the back of the shower, his fingers going to her hair, where his eyes had already locked on something glistening in the mud that looked suspiciously like those toad guts Edgar had mentioned.</p><p>She finally spoke, her voice hoarse. "Potter—"</p><p>"You can't get all this out by yourself," he said matter-of-factly. He plucked the organ from her hair, then said, "Don't look down," before he dropped it to the drain at his feet, grateful he had kept his trainers on.</p><p>He worked steadily, her occasional sniffs telling him that she was still crying silently, and once he thought he had all the guts and chunkier bits of mud out, he started working his fingers through the tangles.</p><p>"Close your eyes." He couldn't see if she did, but she didn't gasp as she probably would have if she saw his red-brown fingers when he reached around her to rinse his hands under the water. Keeping steady with one hand on her shoulder, he reached up to a high corner shelf of the shower for a shampoo bottle, then squirted a generous amount directly onto her head.</p><p>"I hope you like how I smell, Evans, because you're gonna smell like me for <em>awhile</em> with the amount of shampoo I'm about to use on you."</p><p>She gave a strangled giggle at that, and the shake of her shoulders caused her towel to slip slightly, but she hitched it back up, holding it to her chest as she hugged her elbows.</p><p>He started a slow massage of her scalp, working the shampoo into the crown of her head, where the mud and blood were caked on the thickest, and then slowly and methodically worked his way through her long strands until he could slide his fingers through them without hitting gunky resistance. He didn't know how long it took, absorbed in his task, but he vaguely noticed that Lily seemed to relax under him, the tension leaving her neck, and as he returned his fingers to her scalp, rubbing a gentle pressure just at the base of her skull, her head relaxed into his hands, a low sigh, almost a moan, escaping her lips.</p><p>He slid his hands to her shoulders, turning her gently.</p><p>"Rinse, and I'll check it over."</p><p>Holding her towel over her chest with one hand, keeping his gaze, she tilted her head back into the water, using her free hand to lift her hair as she rinsed the soap away, sending a trail of red, muddy water rushing toward the drain.</p><p>They repeated this process once more, until the water ran clean from her hair, and then James stepped from the shower, pulling the curtain closed, and took the wet towel she handed him around the curtain. He heard the click and snap of the body wash opening, the sounds of lathering soap on skin, as he wrung out the wet towel over the sink. He was just tossing it into the closet containing the hamper for dirty laundry when she reached a hand around the curtain. James wordlessly grabbed a dry towel from the shelf and handed it to her, then leaned against one of the sinks, waiting.</p><p>After a few moments, she pulled back the curtain, standing before him with towel-dried hair hanging over one shoulder and down her chest, past where the towel was knotted over her breasts. She kept a hand clutched over her stomach, like she was afraid the knot might not hold. Her skin was still pale, drained of its usual luminance, though her green eyes sparkled. She looked fresh, a world different than she had just an hour ago.</p><p>"I can fetch Mac to come get you," he said simply. "There's a way we can get you back into your dorm without anyone see—"</p><p>"Can I stay?"</p><p>James's breath caught in his throat, barely believing he had heard her correctly.</p><p>She must have noticed his hesitation, because she added softly, "I just—I can't be around the girls yet, they'll just want to talk about it. But I also don't want to be alone."</p><p>He nodded, then managed to croak, "Yeah, Evans. You can stay."</p><p>She smiled softly, something sad but also grateful. "Thank you."</p><p>James pushed off from the sink and went to his wardrobe, rummaging around for a t-shirt and then charming it to make it more oversized before handing it to her and shutting her in the lavatory.</p><p>He went over to the window near his bed, leaning against the ledge, and looked out over the grounds in an effort to distract himself from the desire now pumping through his body. He had just helped Lily Evans shower. He had seen her completely naked, if only for a brief flash of a second before he was focused on supporting her while she heaved in his arms. And now she was about to be crawling into his bed, in his shirt, smelling like his shampoo, and Merlin help him if would be able to get through the night without being hard the entire time.</p><p>He hadn't even heard her approach behind him, much less expected her to pull his arm gently and tug him into a hug, and for a split second he tried to protest, knowing she was about to feel how inappropriately aroused he was, but then her hip brushed against him and her small gasp told him it was too late.</p><p>"Look, Evans—"</p><p>He cut off, seeing the strangely intense look on her face. Her hair was dryer now, her skin starting to come slowly back to normal, and if she was able to have a look like that, then her mental state was definitely improving.</p><p>"You took care of me."</p><p>"Yeah, because I care about you."</p><p>The words were out before he had even thought about saying them. He cleared his throat. "Any good mate would have done the same."</p><p>She quirked a brow, the corner of her mouth turning up in a sly smile. "And would just any good mate be turned on the whole time?"</p><p>James felt his mouth drop open. He thought he had hid it better than that. "The—the whole time?"</p><p>Her eyes glittered. "Potter, you've had a boner since I came crawling out of the shower to throw up. I felt it when you were wiping my mouth. And I saw it when I was rinsing my hair."</p><p>He swallowed thickly. "Evans—"</p><p>She shook her head. "It's okay, I—" But she cut off, like she had caught herself, her eyes darting frantically between his.</p><p>"You what?"</p><p>She pulled her lips under, pressing her mouth into a thin line.</p><p>James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Evans, I just watched you throw up and pulled toad guts out of your hair, you can be fucking honest with me."</p><p>Her face fell. "T—toad guts?"</p><p>He closed his eyes. "<em>Shit</em>, you really didn't know."</p><p>Her eyes were welling up with fresh tears, a puzzled and hurt look on her face. "I knew I got hit with something, I—I knew there was blood, I could smell it, but—"</p><p>Her lower lip was trembling, her jaw working like she was trying to stop herself from crying, and James drew her back to him, closing his arms around her tightly, not caring anymore that she surely felt him pressing into her stomach, only needing to be there for her.</p><p>He murmured the story into her hair, telling her what Edgar had told him, how Edgar had sent for James in the common room, what she had looked like in Gryffindor Landing, how he had brought her upstairs, sent their friends to handle people downstairs. She cried into his chest, her fingers clutching at the fabric of his shirt at his back.</p><p>"Mudblood," she whispered when he finished. "Literally mud and blood."</p><p>He pressed his lips into her hair. "You're better than them," he told her. "In <em>every</em> way. You don't deserve <em>any</em> of this, Evans."</p><p>"I know I don't," she said softly back. "But I can't escape it, either."</p><p>James sighed. "I know. But I'll be here, Evans. I'll always be here."</p><p>She seemed to melt into him, her hands sliding down to rest at his hips, right at the tops of his trousers, as she slowly peeled her head back off his chest, meeting his eyes.</p><p>"Potter—"</p><p>He felt drawn to her, the energy suddenly charged around them, and he was leaning down toward her mouth, about to press a kiss to her lips, when he felt her fingers slip under his shirt and just under the edge of the waistband of his briefs. He stilled, pulling his head back up, seeing her eyes snap open in surprise.</p><p>Shaking his head, he gently withdrew her hand and took a step back from her.</p><p>"Evans, I'm not—I can't do this when you're like this."</p><p>Her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, <em>like this?</em> I'm <em>fine</em>."</p><p>"No, you're not. You just had something traumatic happen to you—"</p><p>"I can <em>handle</em> it—"</p><p>"I <em>know</em> you can." James breathed hard, simultaneously grateful to see that blazing look because it meant a truer return to normal, but also frustrated that he was seeing it because it came from him having to turn her down, something he had never imagined he would ever do.</p><p>"So what's the problem? It's not like we didn't just do this last night."</p><p>"Fuck, Evans. You know I want this with you. And under any other circumstances, I'd already be all over you by now. But not like <em>this</em>. Not when you only just came out of being in shock for an hour." He paused, hands in his hips, taking in her sudden frenzied energy. "Call me selfish, but if we're going to do anything, I want it to be because you want <em>me</em>, and not because you're just wanting something to take your mind off what happened to you."</p><p>She stared at him, eyes wide, and he saw from her face that he had called it true. Maybe she really did fancy him, but those advances just now weren't motivated by that—they came from a desire to escape. To forget.</p><p>He recognized it.</p><p>Annoyingly, he was still aroused as ever, and too much had passed between them for him to care about pretenses anymore. He pointed toward the lavatory door. "I'm going in there. You know why. You're still welcome to stay if you want to sleep here before facing everyone tomorrow, but I'm not messing around with you tonight, Evans."</p><p>She nodded slowly, looking slightly surprised at the straightforwardness of his tone, and he strode toward his wardrobe, grabbing a pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt before stalking into the lavatory. Locking and silencing the door behind him, James stripped down, throwing his clothes on the ground next to Lily's, and turned on the shower, touching himself as soon as the water started running. He came fast, too worked up for too long from the whole evening, and he rested his forehead against the stone, mind racing.</p><p>What was going <em>on? </em></p><p>Even Remus had picked up on her fancying him, and Remus generally had a good read on these kinds of things, but it didn't make his head spin any less. In all the years he'd pined after Lily, he'd never really imagined what it would feel like if she liked him <em>back</em>. But he was next to certain that she did. And not just from their recent encounters, though their chemistry in that department was like nothing James had ever felt or even imagined was possible. No, with Lily there was something more than just lust, and he thought she felt it too. He could see it in the way she looked at him sometimes. In the way she teased him and bantered with him and seemed to actually respect him now she'd finally noticed he wasn't a fifteen-year-old toe rag anymore. In the way she had let her guard down for him, on more than one occasion, and let him comfort her when he thought she might have pushed other people away. It was strange and new and thrilling, and the more he was around her, the closer he felt they were becoming.</p><p>He was hard again just thinking about her, and he got himself off a second time for good measure. It took longer, but James welcomed the effort: he needed to exhaust himself before potentially crawling into bed with her.</p><p>Finally spent, he finished his shower, towel-tried his hair, got dressed, and faced the dormitory to see if she was still there.</p><p>She was.</p><p>She was in his bed. Curled against his pillows, covers over her lap. And she was thumbing through the worn copy of Quidditch Through the Ages that he kept on his nightstand, open to the page he had marked with the parchment covered in his scribbles for practice.</p><p>It was the most perfect thing he'd ever seen.</p><p>She closed the book when she noticed him, then handed it to him as he approached the bed. He took it wordlessly, setting it back on his nightstand, and then slid under the covers next to her, drawing the curtains closed around them.</p><p>She snuggled up to him immediately, her face in his chest, her hand reaching up to his shoulder. "Better?"</p><p>"Yes," he admitted, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Much relieved."</p><p>She chuckled but didn't say anything, and James just held her for awhile, breathing her in, stroking through her hair with his fingertips.</p><p>"Potter?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"I'm glad Eddie brought me to you."</p><p>His fingers stopped mid-twirl of her hair; his breath stuck. When he didn't say anything, she peeled her head up off his chest, her eyes glittering at him in the dark.</p><p>"You pulled <em>guts</em> out of my <em>hair</em>, Potter. If that doesn't make us friends, I don't know what does."</p><p>James chuckled, ruffling the top of her head, and decided to roll the dice. "I think we're more than friends, Evans."</p><p>He heard her suck in a sharp breath through her nose, swallow hard. "Can we—maybe—talk about all that…later?"</p><p>James lowered his hand to her shoulder, gave her a squeeze. "Yeah, Evans. Get some sleep."</p><p>Lily rolled away from him and curled on her side, and James lay with his hands laced behind his head, mind racing over everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, but especially over what had just happened to Lily. He must have been quiet long enough that she'd assumed he'd fallen asleep, just as he'd assumed about her, because suddenly she pulled in a long, shuddering breath, like she had been crying and trying not to breathe but couldn't hold it anymore.</p><p>For a moment, he froze; did he just pretend he didn't know, let her cry? But she was crying in earnest now, and there was no way he couldn't go to her, so he rolled on his side, hearing her start and hastily try to wipe tears away as he lined his body up behind hers, wrapping his arm around her middle.</p><p>He murmured softly, "I got you, Evans," and thought his heart might just burst when she nudged her hand under his and interlaced their fingers.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily floated toward consciousness. She felt wonderfully warm, the pillow soft beneath her cheek, the morning light somehow managing to push itself against her eyelids even through closed drapes, a delicious heaviness around her middle weighing her down, making her feel anchored, somehow. She snuggled into the pillow, content, thinking she might just have a nice, lazy lie-in for once.</p><p>Then she heard it: slight rustling just behind her. And then she realized it: the heaviness around her middle was an arm that was attached to a hand with long, familiar fingers. And then she felt it: another now-familiar body part poking into her backside. Lily was almost afraid to move because depending on how they shifted, where he lined up, the location of his prodding piece of anatomy could end up being perilously good.</p><p>His voice was a hoarse mumble. "You up, Evans?"</p><p>"Mhmm."</p><p>Was she ever; Lily was now as wide-awake as if she'd just chugged Awakening Potion, her mind racing with the knowledge that she was in James Potter's bed, and that her <em>cat</em> had spent countless nights in this bed, and that she had just woken up next to him, which meant she had slept next to him all night.</p><p>With his arm draped over her.</p><p>From when he'd held her as she'd cried herself to sleep.</p><p>She didn't feel embarrassed, necessarily, just…vulnerable. She had always known some sort of attack would eventually happen; it happened to Muggle-borns all around her, and it wasn't like the Slytherins had ever let her alone—she had just become very adept at looking out for herself. But even she'd known it couldn't last forever, and after taking those Slytherins out like they had on Friday, she wasn't surprised they had doubled-down on their efforts to get her back. Still, the <em>cruelty</em> of it—the weight of knowing this wasn't just aimless hallway bullying but was deep and driven <em>prejudice</em>—cut her to her core. It was the only thing that made her feel helpless, genuinely <em>sad</em>, in a feeble and despondent sort of way. Because if half—or more?—of the wizarding population was against her for something she had no control over being, what could she <em>possibly</em> do about it? She couldn't change minds, not those minds, anyway. She could only keep on, looking around every corner, preparing for each day like she was going into battle, trying not to think about how making her way in the world outside Hogwarts would be ten times harder than what she already faced.</p><p>It all made her rather weary.</p><p>And then there was James. Carrying her through the common room. Helping her be sick. She hadn't had time to think about it before, but now she realized the implication of why he was able to help her so fast: he had <em>been</em> there, sitting silently, just on the other side of the curtain. He had heard her crying. And he hadn't left. And then he had cleaned her up, had pulled <em>guts</em> from her hair. His instructions in the shower—<em>don't look down</em>, <em>close your eyes</em>—all made sense now. He had saved her from dealing with the mud and the blood and the gore, and then he had saved her from doing something else she might regret, because now, refreshed with a long night of sleep, she was immeasurably glad that they hadn't done anything together while she'd worked through the stages of her shock and sadness.</p><p>He slid his arm back to gently hold onto her waist, his thumb rubbing slowly over her side through the soft fabric of his shirt. They hadn't moved, had barely breathed, and Lily imagined he was as acutely aware as she of that <em>other</em> contact between them and how only two thin pieces of fabric and a slight shift in position stood in the way of something far more intimate than what they'd already done.</p><p>Lily suddenly felt rather flustered.</p><p>Just then, blinding sunlight burst over the bed as the curtains all pulled back at once and the voice of Sirius Black boomed, "Nice to see you finally joining us for a sleepover, Evans."</p><p>Her hands had gone instinctively to cover her face at the sudden assault of sunlight, and she turned her head to groan into the pillow.</p><p>"Hey, now," Sirius continued jovially. "I'd show a little more enthusiasm if you want me to save you any waffles."</p><p>That got her attention. Lily sat up slowly, feeling both confused and intrigued, and she clutched the duvet high to her chest even though she was already wearing James's shirt.</p><p>"What—"</p><p>Sirius was standing at the end of the bed, leaning against the post with his arms crossed, next to a small table bursting with plates of eggs, waffles, fruit, coffee, and juice.</p><p>Lily's jaw dropped. "<em>How</em>—"</p><p>James was sitting up next to her. "That'd be Wemby," he answered.</p><p>Lily swung her head around to look at him. How did he manage to look even more adorable with his hair disheveled from sleep? "The house-elf?"</p><p>He smirked at her. "Told you they're good to have on your side."</p><p>Sirius bowed with a flourish before he started loading up a plate, and Lily suddenly realized she was ravenously hungry. To her surprise, Sirius brought the plate over to her, setting it in her lap.</p><p>"Plate one," he said, handing her a fork and a napkin.</p><p>"One?" Lily stared at him incredulously. "As in, I'm supposed to eat <em>another</em> one?"</p><p>He nodded seriously. "You missed two square meals, Evans. Gotta get you back up to full strength."</p><p>Lily gave him a small smile and cut into her waffle.</p><p>Beside her, James called over to Sirius, "Where's mine, then?"</p><p>Sirius was walking toward his nightstand, but he turned to grin at James over his shoulder.</p><p>"You can get your own plate, Jamesie. Surely that's not <em>too hard</em> for you?"</p><p>Lily stole a glance at him, smirking as she chewed. James was shaking his head at his friend, fighting a smile.</p><p>Just then, Remus and Peter came into the dorm, laughing about something, but they broke off their conversation as they saw Lily in James's bed, though neither looked surprised. Lily belatedly supposed that the pile of her clothes by their shower had probably been a dead giveaway.</p><p>"Morning, Lily," Peter said happily, then added with a wink. "Glad to see you're feeling better, then."</p><p>Lily blushed, not entirely sure she was following. "Erm, thanks, Peter."</p><p>Remus held up his backpack, then went to set it in the lavatory, telling her as he went, "Got a change of clothes for you from Marly."</p><p>"Oh, thanks, Reme!"</p><p>He winced slightly as he wandered over toward the end of James's bed, though he was still smiling. "You might not want to thank me yet. We sort of put it out that something you'd been working with in the dungeons had made you suddenly ill, and that you'd taken over our lavatory as your sickroom."</p><p>Lily looked from Remus to Peter. "Well, that's not <em>that</em> bad, I mean I prefer <em>that</em> over—"</p><p>Remus was shaking his head, his eyes twinkling with laughter. "You smelled something <em>foul</em>, Lily."</p><p>Lily choked on her juice. "You—oh, Merlin—people think—"</p><p>Sirius had resumed his lazy pose against the bed post, chuckling to himself. "That you were sick all over yourself? Yes, Evans." He must have seen her wide eyes because then he added, "Hey, there's no shame in falling victim to sudden poisoning, it could happen to the best of us."</p><p>Peter sat on the edge of his bed, on the other side of James's. "It'll roll over. Remember when Sirius actually <em>was</em> sick all over himself? People talked for like two hours and then forgot."</p><p>Sirius gave Lily a pointed look. "And they all<em> saw</em> me. <em>You</em> were all covered up in a cloak like a lady, thanks to this knight right here."</p><p>He was nodding toward James, who was apparently finally able to stand up and was walking around the bed to make himself a plate of breakfast. "I'll take credit for getting you through the crowd, but Bones gets credit for the cloak." He grinned over at her. "Might just want to buy him a new one, Evans."</p><p>Lily succumbed to laughter even as her face burned. "I can't <em>believe</em>—" She cut off, shaking her head, then took in the four of them around her. Sirius, looking like a different person entirely as he joked playfully with James, who was dishing a hearty amount of eggs on his plate, and then Remus, one hand in his light brown hair as he looked at her quizzically, like he was unsure of her reaction, and Peter, sweeping his dirty blonde hair over his brow with a shake of his head, still smiling that bubbly, good-natured smile of his.</p><p>"Thank you," Lily said quietly. Looking from Peter to Remus, and then over to Sirius. "I mean it. For—<em>all</em> of this."</p><p>Remus smiled at her, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It's what friends do, Lily."</p><p>"And you're more than just our friend, Evans," Sirius said, and Lily didn't miss how both her and James swung their heads around to look at him.</p><p>Sirius looked at James. "Oh yeah, we all talked without you last night and decided, but I guess we technically need your vote."</p><p>James stared at Sirius blankly. "For what?"</p><p>Sirius nodded toward Lily. "To bring her in."</p><p>James's eyebrows went high on his forehead.</p><p>Remus cut in, "Not—not <em>all</em> in, just—enough. To help with Operation Ni—"</p><p>"Shh, Moony," Sirius scolded, "you can't say that until Prongs's voted."</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. "Well how is he supposed to know exactly what we voted on, then?"</p><p>Lily set her plate aside. "How about," she started, and saw four pairs of eyes immediately swivel over to her, "you all look out the window for a second, and I'll just go in the loo and freshen up a bit?"</p><p>Remus chuckled, but then nodded. "Yeah, good call, Lil."</p><p>They all gathered near the large window on the other side of James's bed, politely turning their backs to her so she could slide from under the blankets and make her way to the lavatory without them ogling how James's shirt barely covered her arse.</p><p>Marlene, bless her, had packed her an assortment of kit, and Lily set to brushing out her hair, cleaning her face, and then pulling on fresh clothes, smirking to herself as she saw the outfit Marlene had picked out for her: leggings, presumably because a sick Lily would want to be comfortable, but then a strapless bra and oversized knit that was absurdly comfortable but that had a wide neckline prone to falling off a shoulder, presumably because Marlene knew she'd be around James, at whom Marlene had caught her staring multiple times now. Lily sighed and fluffed her hair out around her, trying to cover up more skin.</p><p>Having given them several minutes to chat amongst themselves, Lily exited the lavatory and saw the four of them hastily cut off conversation as they all looked up at her. Her gaze landed on James, who made no pretense of looking her up and down, his eyes seeming to flash behind his glasses.</p><p>Lily cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. "So, erm, I guess I'll just—"</p><p>Sirius beckoned her over. "Not so fast, Evans, you still have one more plate to eat."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Black—"</p><p>"<em>And</em>," he talked over her, "you're staying for your first Marauders' Meeting."</p><p>"My first—what?"</p><p>Remus smiled at her. "Marauders' Meeting. With us, the Marauders."</p><p>Lily looked between between them incredulously. "You—you lot've fucking <em>named</em> yourselves?"</p><p>They all laughed, and James chimed, "<em>Obviously</em>, Evans. Don't tell me you thought we <em>hadn't</em>?"</p><p>Lily stared at them, opening and closing her mouth, at a loss for where to even begin.</p><p>Remus elbowed her lightly, and Lily looked up to see his soft brown eyes twinkling. "You're sworn to secrecy, Lily."</p><p>She nodded. "Okay."</p><p>"And if you don't want any part in this, that's fine, we'll understand. But we know the Slytherins are planning something that we think involves you, and after last night—well, we all know what <em>really</em> happened, and knowing <em>you</em>, we thought you might want in on this."</p><p>Sirius added bluntly, "We could also use a girl."</p><p>Lily quirked a brow at him. "In on…what, exactly?"</p><p>Remus smirked. "Operation Niffler."</p><p>Lily burst into snorting laughter. "<em>What?</em>"</p><p>Peter looked completely serious as he said, "Niffler, you know. Cause we're sniffing out information like gold."</p><p>Lily could only stare at him, her surprise taking her somewhere beyond laughter, but Sirius and James had lost it completely, shoulders shaking as they tried desperately to recover themselves, and even Remus was pinching his eyes in his fingers, shaking his head as laughed to himself and said, "Well, I—yes, that is the, uh, gist—"</p><p>Understanding was dawning on her. She stared at Sirius and James, both wiping their eyes as they stood partially doubled-over. "You called it reconnaissance mission. On Friday."</p><p>James grinned at her. "Yes."</p><p>"You're actually all…<em>spying </em>on <em>Slytherins</em>?"</p><p>He rolled his eyes. "Isn't that exactly what I told you we were doing?"</p><p>"Yes, but—"</p><p>To her surprise, Sirius was the first one to change the tone of the discussion. "This is real, Evans. They're bringing the war out there <em>inside</em>. And yeah, our Marauder Missions over the years have just been doing pranks and whatever, but this isn't that. This is espionage."</p><p>It sounded <em>ridiculous</em>, but something about the way he said it, the look in his eye just then, something cold and callous, made her believe him.</p><p>"How?"</p><p>James took over, holding up a piece of folded parchment. "Remember this?"</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "You kept looking at that. I saw dots, lines—"</p><p>"Because it's a map."</p><p>She lifted her brows at him. "A map."</p><p>He nodded. "That we made."</p><p>"You made a map?"</p><p>"Of Hogwarts—"</p><p>"No way did you make a <em>map</em> of bloody <em>Hogwarts</em>—"</p><p>"—that shows every person in the castle at all times. That would be the dots."</p><p>Lily's face went slack. "Get out."</p><p>His eyes twinkled. "Dead serious."</p><p>"But—<em>how</em>?"</p><p>Sirius chuckled. "A lot of nights out of bed and a Homonculous Charm."</p><p>Lily looked between them. "Are you fucking with me right now?"</p><p>James shook his head. "No, we're really not. It's how I knew you were walking into a trap that day, I saw you on the map."</p><p>"Show me."</p><p>James pointed his wand at the parchment, holding her gaze as he said with a smile, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."</p><p>Lily was dreaming. Nothing else explained the sheer <em>ridiculousness</em> of what was happening, or the fact that ink was now spreading and sprawling over the parchment that James was pushing into her hands. Lily's voice was a whisper under her breath as she read, "Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers, are proud to present <em>The Marauder's Map</em>…?"</p><p>But she didn't even have time to dwell on the absurdity of that introduction, because now she could see that the parchment unfolded into layers of lines creating rooms, marking staircases, tracing corridors, and all over the map were labeled, moving dots.</p><p>The gravity of what they'd created knocked the wind out of her. She looked up to find James's hazel eyes watching her, his mouth quirked in a smile. "What d'you say, Evans?"</p><p>She didn't even bother to think. "I'm in."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Evans and I took on a pack of seventh-year Slytherins together on Friday night when they were ganging up on a fifth year (we won, obviously), but then they (I</em>
  <em>'m assuming) retaliated against her last night, and she took a nasty hit. She's alright, but I think it shook her up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As for other Evans news, I</em>
  <em>'d say things are progressing. The first Hogsmeade Saturday is next weekend. I haven't really decided if I'm going to ask her or not. I'm sort of thinking it would be better for us all to be there as friends, because even though it seems like we have something good going on, I get the feeling she's not ready for an actual date. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Say hullo to Dad for me, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p><hr/><p>Monday, Potions, scrap of spare parchment, desk of Sirius Black and Lily Evans:</p><p>SB: <em>J's big spoon, huh?<br/></em>LE: <em>Shut up.<br/></em>SB: <em>You can't resist <br/></em>LE: <em>No comment<br/></em>SB: <em>We throw great sleepovers<br/></em>LE: <em>Ew<br/></em>SB: <em>Might even invite you<br/></em>LE: <em>EW<br/></em>SB: <em>Since you're part of our cLuB<br/></em>LE: <em>Don't I need a name…?<br/></em>SB: <em>Swish<br/></em>LE: <em>Pardon?<br/></em>SB: <em>Name = animal = personality<br/></em>LE: <em>Ahh. And I am…?<br/></em>SB: <em>Lily = cat = hot/cold<br/></em>LE: <em>Should I be offended?<br/></em>SB: <em>No, whoever you swish your tail at should be<br/></em>LE: <em>Touché, S<br/></em>SB: <em>Figured out what J is?<br/></em>LE: <em>Something that could impale a person?<br/></em>SB: <em>5 points to Gryff + 5 to my heart<br/></em>LE:<em> You dog<br/></em>SB: <em>I see what you did there<br/></em>LE: <em>You're the most obvious<br/></em>SB: <em>Actually, you + J are<br/></em>LE: <em>Consider yourself swished</em></p><hr/><p>
  <em>Miss Evans, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I</em>
  <em>'m glad you came to see me today. I spoke to Professor Dumbledore over Floo this afternoon. He will be back from the quarterly meeting of the International Confederation of Wizards on Wednesday and would like you and Mr. Potter to meet him in his office 7 p.m. to discuss the matter with you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Professor McGonagall</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Miss Evans and Mr. Potter,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lovely seeing you both in class this morning. I sincerely hope you</em>
  <em>'ll both join me for a casual little dinner I'm putting on this Thursday for the most elite of my students. Please see the enclosed invitations for details. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yours, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>H. Slughorn</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily told herself that she went to the Heads' office to work on her homework that evening because it was the perfect place—fire crackling, candles blazing, bookshelves waiting—for a quiet, atmospheric evening to write her Transfiguration essay. The common room was too loud, the library too full.</p><p>It had nothing to do with the fact that a certain Head Boy also had access to that room. Not one thing. And when that certain Head Boy did show up—hair untidy, sleeves rolled, bag slung across his chest—that fluttery feeling that seemed to never go away these days (but that had especially picked up since yesterday's <em>Marauder's Meeting</em>) certainly did <em>not</em> erupt into a flock of birds in her stomach.</p><p>"Hey, Evans."</p><p>"Hi, Potter."</p><p>"Transfiguration?"</p><p>Lily sighed. "Yes, this is taking me forever. I've half-started multiple prompts because I keep changing my mind on what I want to write about. I swear this is McGonagall's tactic to get us to read half the library."</p><p>For once, McGonagall hadn't assigned them a singular essay topic, but instead had provided them a list of prompts relating to their current unit on Animagi, instructing them to do their own reading and select the prompt that interested them the most. Lily had initially found this approach curious, but once she had started reading, she saw McGonagall's point: the sheer volume of material on each prompt's topic alone was overwhelming.</p><p>James chuckled. "What's your current one, then?"</p><p>"Theory of the potion. The whole process is fascinating—I've never heard of lightening being used in a recipe before."</p><p>"Evans, only you would pick an essay topic that combines Transfiguration <em>and</em> Potions."</p><p>Lily shrugged. "It's extraordinary magic. And it's not even so much Potions theory as it is Alchemy. The potion's basically a fusion of all the elements: dew for water, lightening for fire, moonlight for air, and human component for earth."</p><p>She set her quill down, staring over her desk as inspiration struck. "That's it! That's my angle on the theory—the potion's an alchemical process, and maybe it's the combination of all the elements that allows for transmutation between species."</p><p>This all came out in a rush, and she looked up at James, finding him leaning against the front of his desk, a wide grin plastered across his face.</p><p>"You know you're the smartest witch I've ever met?"</p><p>Lily flushed, always bashful at compliments.</p><p>James wasn't done. "You're getting an 'O' on that essay, I'm calling it right now. And I'm taking half the credit, because you came up with that theory when you were talking to me."</p><p>She rolled her eyes, laughing despite herself. "I'll be sure to leave a footnote alongside my citations for McGonagall: <em>alchemical thoughts prompted by Potter's smart-arse remark</em>."</p><p>James laughed with her, and Lily found herself ogling how he leaned against his desk just then. His hands held onto the edge, one leg casually stretched a leg out in front of him, and somehow the pose emphasized his shoulders through his button-down shirt and tightened his forearms where his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and made his trousers bunch under his hips from how they fit slim against his legs. It was a pose that managed to highlight how incredibly fit he was, while he also looked perfectly at ease, like he wasn't even trying to look like the most attractive thing she'd ever fucking seen.</p><p>Merlin, she needed to <em>stop</em>. She had a <em>plan</em>, or had she already forgotten?</p><p>"So what're you writing about, then?"</p><p>Lily thought he looked almost shy for a moment as he reached up a hand to drag through his hair. "Uh, I did the prompt about the subconscious human-animal connection. How a person's inner psychological traits are reflected in the animal they become."</p><p>Why was hearing him talk <em>school</em> so damn <em>sexy</em>? She studied with boys all the time—Garrytt, Edgar, and Remus being the most frequent—and never once had she felt so <em>stirred </em>from all the intelligent things <em>they</em> said.</p><p>"Did? As in, you're done?"</p><p>He nodded, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Yeah, finished yesterday."</p><p>"Well, <em>that</em> makes me feel like a slacker."</p><p>He chuckled, shaking his head. "You have two more subjects than me."</p><p>Lily studied him for a moment. "Do you…believe that? What you wrote about? The human-animal connection?"</p><p>James looked surprised by her question. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do. It's similar to Patronus theory, really. The Patronus and the Animagus form are usually the same."</p><p>Lily smirked at him. "And having written this essay, what would you guess my Animagus form would be, Potter?"</p><p>James chuckled, that crinkle-eyed grin spreading over his face, and Lily felt her stomach swoop.</p><p>"Well, you share a lot of traits with Pan, so I'd probably go with some sort of feline."</p><p>"Oh? Do elaborate."</p><p>"Uh, well, you both have green eyes."</p><p>"How obvious."</p><p>James's mouth twitched up in a smile. "You're independent."</p><p>"True."</p><p>"You both like to cuddle me in my bed."</p><p>Her stomach fell through the floor. "Potter—"</p><p>But he ignored her and kept going. "You both get along with everyone. And you sort of choose when you want attention. Like if you're in the mood, you initiate with people, and if you're not, you just give out side-eye so people will leave you alone."</p><p>Her mouth fell open, her pulse picking up its pace. She wasn't sure she had ever felt so <em>seen</em>.</p><p>James's brow furrowed. "But I've never seen Pan get aggressive, whereas you have a temper. And it's fucking scary, Evans, because it can be rash, like when you have a go at me, or it can be calculating, like when we took on those Slytherins on Friday."</p><p>He watched her that closely? He noticed details of her temperament like that? Was he studying <em>her</em> as much as she had found herself studying <em>him</em>?</p><p>"So a tiger, maybe?"</p><p>She arched a brow at him. "A tiger?"</p><p>He held her gaze. "Yeah, I'm gonna go with that."</p><p>"And what are you?"</p><p>He unfolded himself from where he leaned against his desk, going back around to his bag in his chair. "<em>That </em>is for you to figure out, Evans."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, right now it'd be nice if you could go be something quiet, like a—a <em>deer</em>, so I can focus on finishing this essay."</p><p>James froze, staring at her with a strange expression on his face.</p><p>"What?" Lily thought back over what she said and supposed it had been a bit harsh. "Was that too rude? I didn't mean it like that, I just—"</p><p>He shook his head, looking back at his desk. "No, no, you're fine, I just—it's nothing. Remembered something else. Not important."</p><p>"Oh-kay."</p><p>He held up his worn copy of <em>Quidditch Through the Ages</em>, which she had just looked through the other night, that wad of parchment still stuffed just inside the cover, and gave her a small smile. "I'll be out of your way, quiet as a deer."</p><p>She nodded, watching him out of the corner of her eye as he sat in one of the squishy armchairs in front of the fire, feet propped on the ottoman and Quidditch materials open in his lap, and then returned to her Transfiguration essay.</p><p>Having finally settled on a topic that intrigued her, her work flowed, and she fell into a focused state of scratching words across the parchment. If it wasn't for the occasional sounds of pages flipping or another quill scratching when she momentarily paused, she might've forgotten James was there. At long last, her essay finished, Lily set down her quill and rolled out her wrist with a sigh before standing and stretching her stiff knees.</p><p>Lily wasn't sure what made her do it, but she wandered over to the other armchair and curled up in it, propping her chin with her palm as she gazed toward James.</p><p>"Well, it has to be an animal that can sit still, because you're not nearly as fidgety as some of your friends."</p><p>He glanced up at her over his glasses, a smile playing on his lips. "Studying me now, are you?"</p><p>He had no fucking idea.</p><p>"And I'm thinking it'd be something that can fly."</p><p>"Why's that?"</p><p>"Because you seem to love it, and you're bloody good at it."</p><p>He looked up at her sharply. "Evans, was that a…compliment?"</p><p>She flushed, and he grinned. "That <em>was</em>, you just gave me a bloody compliment."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not <em>blind</em>, Potter. I watch Quidditch matches same as every other Gryffindor."</p><p>He smirked and returned to his parchment, which Lily thought from the squiggles and arrows looked like notes for plays and formations. "Well, feel free to keep going, Evans."</p><p>Lily studied him. Strong, but quiet strength. Bold, but more controlled about it now. Commanding, like she'd said before. Loyal. Gentle, like when he took care of her. But also intense, like when—</p><p>James was staring at her. Oh, <em>fuck</em>, had she really just said all that <em>out loud</em>?</p><p>"Like when I what?"</p><p>Merlin, she bloody <em>did</em>. Damn, damn, damn.</p><p>Lily closed her eyes briefly, swallowing hard. "Nothing, just—you're just…intense."</p><p>He arched a brow. "So are you, Evans."</p><p>"So"—she cleared her throat—"some kind of bird, like a—an eagle, maybe?"</p><p>He laughed quietly. "I've never thought about that, but yeah, I guess it could make sense."</p><p>Lily nodded, suddenly feeling very awkward and slightly overheated, and got up to head back to her desk, thinking she would pack up and head back upstairs. Her heart was beating too fast. She had just said too much out loud that she hadn't meant to say. She was supposed to be <em>fighting</em> this malady, not falling further into it by dwelling on the positive attributes of his fucking <em>personality</em>.</p><p>It wasn't until she had gotten closer to her desk and stopped walking that she heard it: his footsteps, soft behind her. Lily turned, seeing him approaching her with hands in his pockets, a thoughtful look on his face.</p><p>"Evans—"</p><p>She held her breath as he took another step toward her, closing the gap between them. He brought his hands up to gently hold her neck, swipe thumbs over her cheeks, and there was something almost hesitant about his movements, like he was second-guessing himself. His eyes flitted between hers, a strange expression on his face, something intense but also tentative, and he leaned down slowly, giving her time to stop him, to pull away before it even started.</p><p>She thought she understood. Somehow, even though she'd already gotten very intimate with him on two other occasions, everything about being with him just then felt different. New. Heightened. More meaningful, maybe. Because it was more…<em>deliberate</em>. For once, they weren't trapped somewhere by forces outside their control; they weren't jacked up on adrenaline from some bizarre situation; they weren't acting out of the heat of some lusty moment; they were just alone together, on a Monday evening, after a normal school day, and instead of going back to the common room to hang out with their friends, he was asking her to stay.</p><p>Her stomach was fluttering wildly, her heart lodged in her throat. Lily slowly brought her hands up to his chest, breaking their gaze as she busied her fingers with his tie.</p><p>"Potter, I—"</p><p>This was it. This was the moment she needed to tell him. What she had planned before. That they had to just be friends. That they couldn't do…<em>this</em> anymore.</p><p>He held her face, waiting. His eyes had faint smudges underneath them, like he hadn't gotten good sleep, and the flickering of the firelight cast shadows over his cheekbones. He was biting his lip, studying her, almost like he was bracing for what she might say.</p><p>And suddenly, she couldn't say it. She didn't <em>want</em> to say it. Bloody hell, what was <em>wrong </em>with her?</p><p>"Evans?"</p><p>Her voice came out in a whisper. "I don't know."</p><p>"You don't know…what? Exactly?"</p><p>Her mouth betrayed her again: "Why I want you to kiss me right now."</p><p>The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. "Well I can tell you <em>that</em>."</p><p>"Oh, really?" Lily rolled her eyes. "By all means enlighten me, Mr. Psychoanalysis."</p><p>His eyes twinkled at her. "Well, I <em>am</em> the dashingly handsome rogue who performed your broom closet and, I presume, your common room sofa deflowerings—"</p><p>Lily felt heat flood her cheeks; he didn't know the half of it. "You're <em>ridiculous—</em>"</p><p>"—and also because you fancy me."</p><p>She froze, swallowing hard.</p><p>James chuckled softly, not waiting for her to regain the ability to speak, though she got the impression that her confirmation of that information was somehow not necessary, and his voice was low, raspy, as he said, "I fancy you too, Evans."</p><p>Those words in his voice set her blood thudding violently through her veins. She felt immobilized, like her tongue was lodged to the roof of her mouth and her limbs were stuck. How did he <em>do</em> that, just speak his <em>feelings</em> like it was so damn <em>easy</em>?</p><p>"And we're gonna make out now, yeah?"</p><p>He didn't wait for her reply, just brought his mouth down to hers, something sensual and soft. And how did his mouth do <em>that</em>, just instantly relax her and wipe her mind blissfully blank? She could feel the tension fall from her shoulders as she let herself be pulled against him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt as he slowly walked her back one step, then another, until the backs of her legs were hitting the side of her desk and suddenly her hands had found his hair and his hands had untucked her shirt, and he was leaning her back over her desk, his touch searing her skin, his mouth slanting deeply over hers, and she felt him, pressing firmly into her stomach, and that was when she knew she was in serious trouble, because even without any Firewhisky, and without any Slytherin drama, and without being entrapped in any closed spaces, she somehow wanted him <em>more</em>.</p><p>"Potter," she gasped between kisses.</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"D'you think—we could deflower—this office?"</p><p>He stalled, smiling at her. "Funny, I was thinking the same thing."</p><p>"Yes, well. You know what they say about great minds and all that."</p><p>James grinned as he lowered his mouth to her neck, exploring every slope and dip with lips and tongue as his hands roamed her waist and back. Lily sighed in pleasure as she tilted her head for him, gently tugging his own shirt free from where it was tucked, seeking the soft skin of his sides, the ridges of his obliques, the rippled muscle of his back.</p><p>They moved almost leisurely, unhurried, like the fact that they were no longer facing the unknown of touching each other had made them want to slow down, savor it for what it was—<em>pleasure</em>. Pure, addicting, electric pleasure.</p><p>James had found his way back to her mouth, and as he kissed her, his hands wandered to where they'd gone before only out of necessity: to her buttons.</p><p>He pulled back slightly, his nose still nuzzling her cheek, as he breathed, "Is this okay?"</p><p>Lily breathed back a throaty, "<em>Yes</em>," and set her own fingers to unbuttoning his shirt, untying his tie. The candles by her desk had started burning low, the distant fire in the grate casting darker shadows over his torso. They broke apart to peel their shirts from their arms, letting them drop to the floor, and then Lily watched James drink her in. For reasons she hadn't wanted to admit to herself, she had put on a pale pink bra that morning, something almost the color of her skin, that was edged in delicate lace and that she had bought with the intention of not minding if a boy ever saw it.</p><p>He looked back at her with heated eyes, and his voice was hoarse as he said, "I'm going to admire this for thirty seconds, and then it's off."</p><p>Lily barely had time to process that before he was bending down to her, helping her settle on the edge of the desk so she could lean back on her palms for him. True to his word, James trailed kisses over the slopes of her curves, cupping her with his hands, rubbing slow circles with his thumbs, and then he was reaching around her, unhooking the clasp, tossing the pricey pink contraption away without a further thought, and ducking to take her breast in his mouth.</p><p>Her head fell back in a sigh of pleasure as his tongue swirled over her skin, lighting up that electric wire even more intensely than before. He lavished one, then the other, a medley of kisses and licks and sucks and the merest hint of those sharp teeth, and when he was finally done he hovered his face in front of hers, lips swollen, cheeks flushed, eyes liquid in the flickering candlelight.</p><p>"Evans." His voice was soft, low. "I am going to make you feel the equal opposite of what you went through on Saturday."</p><p>Lily stared at him, dumbfounded.</p><p>"I want you to come <em>so</em> hard, and feel <em>so</em> good, that you don't even remember what Saturday felt like."</p><p>She didn't have words to respond to that, so she kissed him and let him pull her up against him so she was just leaning against the edge of her desk, his legs slatted between hers. He slid hands up her legs, under her skirt, and went immediately to her knickers, pulling them down gently until they fell the rest of the way to the floor.</p><p>Lily felt breathless, barely believing this was happening. He had her worked into such a state of arousal that she couldn't think straight, and he hadn't even <em>touched</em> her yet.</p><p>That was quickly remedied with his fingers reaching back under her skirt, giving her light presses and traces and shallow dips while he kissed her, something slow and open-mouthed that sent tingles down her spine as she felt his tongue trace over her lips just as his fingers dipped ever so slightly inside.</p><p>"Potter," she breathed.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Fuck, this is <em>torture</em>."</p><p>He smiled. "I know."</p><p>She squirmed against him, wanting his fingers deeper, wanting more, and he kissed her over her protest before he threaded his fingers in her hair and pulled her closer to him as he murmured, "C'mere," and slipped his fingers inside in earnest.</p><p>James's touch somehow felt gentler than it had before, or maybe it was just that she was so absurdly aroused that she was almost numb. With how she was leaning against the desk, her head rested right at the center of James's chest, and he cradled her against him, one hand against the back of her head as his other hand disappeared under her skirt, his fingers doing their delicate dance, stroking her in exactly the way she'd told him she'd liked before. Lily nuzzled into his chest, pressing kisses into his skin, feeling the soft hair that dusted muscled pectorals tickle her face as she looped one arm around his waist and reached the other for his neck, playing with the soft hair at the back of his head.</p><p>Just as he hadn't been hurried with her before, he wasn't hurried with her now, and it was slow torture feeling him stroke her so deliberately yet so languidly at the same time. Lily lifted her head, meaning to tell him him so again, but the words stuck in her throat as he met her eyes just then. Something about that moment—that eye contact as he cradled her head and kept stroking her with his fingers—rocked her to her core. She felt like she was out of her body, looking at them from above, as she understood the intimacy between them just then, the care and the gentleness in the way he held her, was touching her. It was like the way he had held her when she'd cried, or how he had cleaned her hair after her attack, but translated into this act, and she suddenly felt it so deeply, what he had meant, what he was doing: giving her pleasure in such a tender way so as to override all the hurt she'd suffered at the hands of her attackers.</p><p>Because he cared for her enough to do that for her.</p><p>Lily almost wanted to cry, and she might have actually teared up if not for the fact that James chose that moment to apply just slightly more pressure with his thumb, making her eyes instantly squint shut, her mouth instantly fall, and then his lips were on her forehead, his fingers gently massaging her scalp as his other fingers picked up their pace for the first time, and Lily was muffling a very different kind of cry against his chest, clutching tighter where she held onto him.</p><p>James's voice was soft, raspy. "I got you."</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Potter."</p><p>"Get it, Evans. Ride my hand."</p><p>Lily hadn't even noticed she was rolling her hips against the rhythm of his fingers, squeezing her thighs around James's leg, which she also had no recollection of noticing was there. She whimpered, her pressure rising, and James <em>chuckled</em>.</p><p>Lily pushed out words in gasps between strokes of his fingers. "What—is so—<em>funny</em>?"</p><p>James nuzzled into her hair, his voice playful as he said, "Evans, I think I could come just from listening to those noises you make."</p><p>Lily flushed, her eyes snapping up to him, though it was difficult to keep them open as he kept swirling his thumb around that <em>spot</em>.</p><p>He held her gaze, looking down at her as he held her against him. "Yeah, come on. You're getting close, I can feel you."</p><p>She was. She could feel her body tensing, feel that pressure building that made her squirm even more desperately and clutch at his skin and whimper a nonsensical stream of, "Fuck—<em>yes</em>, <em>fuck—</em>there—<em>Potter</em>.<em>" </em></p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, Evans. Come on. Come for me."</p><p>She was <em>there</em>, she was <em>right there</em>, she felt ready to burst, and that next swipe of his finger was torture for how it somehow brought her infinitesimally closer yet didn't push her over the edge, and without any conscious thought her voice burst out in a sharp cry of, "Fuck, <em>James!</em>"</p><p>Lily heard it like it had come from someone else and she froze, lifting her head sharply to look at him. He was grinning at her, something dazed and adorable, and he stroked her again, admonishing her, "Don't lose it, Lily, come on," and then the next swipe of his finger was just as torturous, and Lily's head swam as she only vaguely comprehended that he had just said her first name after she had just said his, and then the next swipe of his finger was even more torture, her whole body rigid, her muscles trembling, and the next swipe did the same thing again, and another whimper, another gasped, "<em>James</em>," escaped her right before yet another swipe brought her infinitesimally closer <em>again</em>, and she could feel James's lips press into her hair as he murmured, "Let <em>go</em>, Lily, I got you, just <em>come</em>," and the next swipe split her open, her single ringing cry echoing in the room as stars burst in front of her eyes and that electrical wire in her body pulsed as James held her tighter against him and coaxed her through it to a muffled stream of, "<em>Fuck</em> yes, Lil."</p><p><em>Lil</em>. The sound of that moniker in his voice left her breathless.</p><p>Also crazed.</p><p>Lily couldn't even wait until she came all the way down. She had to touch him, had to <em>feel </em>him, and she scrambled for his belt, button, zipper, wondering why in the hell she hadn't done this part earlier so he'd be within easier reach, and she yanked his trousers away, taking him in both hands, feeling the instant clench of his fingers in her hair as he groaned, "Baby, fuck, <em>fuck</em>," and thrust hard into her hand, his own fingers still lightly inside her, just circling her most sensitive spot in delicious, almost painful pressure. Lily looked up at him, pumping him just how he'd showed her he'd liked but adding her other hand beneath, and his eyes scrunched shut, a single, raw "<em>Lily</em>," ringing around them.</p><p>He didn't let up on the pressure he kept on her while she worked him, and suddenly, to her complete shock, she was there <em>again</em>. She met his gaze, her own eyes wide, and saw him grin through his own scrunching face as he took in her surprise.</p><p>"Yeah, Evans. You're gonna come again. I'm close, babe, come on."</p><p><em>Babe</em>. <em>Lily</em>. What was <em>happening</em>? More importantly, why didn't she <em>care</em>? Deep down, she knew why. Because she was obsessed with him—with what they were <em>doing</em>. He had awoken something inside her that she couldn't get enough of. No boy she'd been with had been this invested in her pleasure; no boy who'd touched her had talked to her during the act like this. Somehow, fooling around with James Potter felt the best, the <em>easiest</em>, it had ever felt, and not just because he had better command of his fingers—it was something about his whole energy, his eagerness, his confidence, his unabashed straightforwardness. He made her feel delicate without treating her like she was breakable, yet he also made her feel thoroughly debauched without treating her like just a body.</p><p>And for the briefest of seconds, Lily felt more kinship with Adelaide Selwyn than she'd ever imagined possible, because if this was how James approached sex, she couldn't blame Adelaide for wanting him back one bit.</p><p>Lily's face was scrunching, a different kind of release creeping up on her, something still electric but softer somehow. James fought to watch her as he cradled her head, fingers buried deep in her hair.</p><p>"Lily—<em>fuck</em>—I'm so close."</p><p>So was she. "Don't stop—<em>James</em>—"</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>." She could hear the edge in his voice, feel the tenseness in his body, knew it was only a matter of moments, and just then, her release overtook her a second time, her pressure breaking as something less intense but more prolonged, and James stroked her as she spasmed around his fingers, like he was drawing them out of her, his quiet murmur of, "<em>Yes, </em>Lily," quickly turning into his own raw, "Lil—that's <em>it</em>—" followed by his own moan as he joined her, his warm stickiness covering her hand, and for a few seconds they coaxed each other at the same time while James held her crushingly against his chest, and Lily felt overwhelmed with affection for him, this boy who just showed her how amazing it was still possible to feel when she'd needed to be shown that the most.</p><p>They stood in dazed silence, still amongst heavy breaths and racing hearts and sticky fingers, and it wasn't until their breath had slowed down that Lily pulled her head up from James's chest and he released her head—the only clean hand—to reach for her wand on her desk. Lily didn't question how he was somehow capable of casting magic from her wand using his left hand, and somehow he cleaned them both up before coming back to her, taking her face in his hands and giving her the same soft, tender kiss he'd left her with the last time.</p><p>Lily did not feel entirely coherent. "Um, thank you?"</p><p>He chuckled. "You don't have to <em>thank</em> me for hooking up with you, Evans."</p><p>She smiled shyly. "Yes, I know, but—you said—how you wanted to—"</p><p>"Evans," he cut her off gently, "that's not a one-time special. You can have that whenever you want."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard. James bent briefly down to the ground, then handed Lily her bra and shirt before shrugging his own shirt around his shoulders.</p><p>His voice was still soft as he said, "I'm not doing this with anyone else. Just so you know."</p><p>Lily looked at him as she adjusted her straps over her shoulders. "I—I'm not either."</p><p>He smiled at her as he did up his buttons, but he didn't say anything. Lily shrugged her own shirt up her arms, pulling her hair out from under the collar.</p><p>"You don't normally wear your hair down on Potions days."</p><p>Her eyes snapped up to him. He was right; she didn't. But it had been a lecture day, and for the same reason she had picked the bra she did, she had decided to wear her hair down.</p><p>"Oh. I, um, guess I didn't really think about it."</p><p>He quirked a brow, started tucking in his shirt. Why was that so <em>sexy</em>?</p><p>"You heading back?"</p><p>She nodded, tucking in her own shirt, straightening her skirt over her thighs. "Yeah, I should head up. Tuesdays are long for me."</p><p>"I'll walk you."</p><p>"You don't—if you want to stay—"</p><p>He shook his head. "You're not walking back by yourself, it's too late."</p><p>"Potter—"</p><p>He bent to pick up her backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. "And maybe I want to walk you anyway."</p><p>Lily's throat suddenly felt very tight, new heat pooling in her stomach. She was still dazed, not fully recovered from the intensity of having two orgasms in a row, and now she felt almost dizzy as she fell in step with him out the door, down the hall, through the opening behind the painting, up the elf passage, across Gryffindor landing, right up to the portrait hole.</p><p>The whole time, Lily's mind raced. Did he <em>know</em> she had formulated a plan? Was that why he was completely <em>sabotaging</em> it by acting like a perfectly normal boy who just wanted to walk a girl to her common room, and then being a perfectly normal gentleman who carried her bag for her the whole way, and then leaving her like a perfectly normal bloke who pressed a perfectly romantic kiss to her cheek before handing her bag back and saying the password to the Fat Lady?</p><p>It was a miracle she made it through small-talk with the friends still lingering in the common room, a miracle she didn't combust under the heat of his gaze whenever he looked at her, like he was replaying everything that had happened downstairs in his mind, a miracle that she got herself up the stairs and in her bed without incident.</p><p>And it was an even further miracle that, as she considered all the ways he had sabotaged her plan since she'd made it just a few days before, she wasn't sure she was all that fussed about it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Just Faking It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily chewed her lip, not packing up as quickly as the others, and she thought she saw Garrytt pick up on her cue, slow down his own process of stuffing Ancient Runes books and syllabaries and scraps of parchment covered in runic symbols back into his bag.</p><p>She had been turning it over in her mind all day, barely even able to give her piglet wings during Transfiguration, her attention span even worse in Ancient Runes with Garrytt to one side of her, Edgar to the other, but now that the moment was here, she was more resolute. Regardless of what she may or may not feel for James, she knew, in her bones, that she felt about Garrytt the same way she felt about Edgar. As in, respect and trust and admiration and all of those good friendship things and even an immense appreciation for objective good-looking-ness, but not a single fluttery feeling. Not a stir, not a tingle. Lily had even spent part of their Ancient Runes study session that evening trying to vividly imagine making out with Garrytt, pushing hands through that hair, having those lips on hers. It hadn't worked. As in, she wasn't interested. As in, the second she thought about lips or hair, her mind immediately went straight to James. Rats.</p><p>And so it was that she had come to the reluctant conclusion that she fancied James Potter far more than she wanted to admit, and while she could deal with that in her own right with her arsenal of methods (flat-out denial being at the top of the list, though it hadn't been working for her very well lately), it was now implicating an oblivious third-party, and that wasn't fair.</p><p>"Hey, Gare—"</p><p>Garrytt turned to look at her, stopping mid-hoist of his bag and setting it back on his chair.</p><p>"What's up, Lily?"</p><p>"Can we…talk? About Saturday?"</p><p>His eyes flickered between hers for a moment, like he was trying to read her. "Sure. Do you…still want to go?"</p><p>She met his gaze and said, "How about I tell you what I'm thinking, and then you can answer that question."</p><p>His brow furrowed, puzzled, but he nodded and said, "Okay, what's going on?"</p><p>Lily studied her hands for a moment. "Remember when you asked me, and then I asked if you meant a date date or a friend date, and you said that was up to me?"</p><p>He nodded. "Yeah, of course."</p><p>She took a deep breath. "Well, I've just been thinking, and—I think—I <em>know</em>—I only want a <em>friend</em> date, Gare. I know we had a thing before, and now we're friends, at least I consider you a friend, and of course I'd like to spend more time with you as friends, but that's…that's really all I want."</p><p>Garrytt gave her a soft smile. "Lily, of <em>course</em> we're friends. And I told you before, no pressure."</p><p>Lily nodded, returning his smile, feeling flooded with relief to have that <em>out</em>—to have it <em>over</em>. "Thanks, Gare."</p><p>He was pulling his bag back up around his shoulder. "You'd still want to hang out? As friends?"</p><p>Lily hoisted up her own bag. "Yeah, of course. It's kind of weird only seeing you in class these days."</p><p>He chuckled, following her down the row of shelves. "Yeah, it is. I think I spent every weekend with you and the Boneses last term."</p><p>She threw a smile at him over his shoulder. "And how much of that did we <em>still</em> spend studying?"</p><p>He grinned back. "Too true, Lil."</p><p>Lily stopped outside the door, expecting him to head the other way, but he made to keep walking with her. "I'll walk you back."</p><p>"Gare, you don't have to—"</p><p>He gave her a pointed look and lowered his voice. "<em>Lily Evans</em>, Slughorn's longtime <em>published</em> research assistant, letting herself get accidentally poisoned in the dungeons?" He shook his head. "I don't buy it for a second. It was Slytherins, wasn't it?"</p><p>Garrytt really was too smart for his own good. Lily sighed. "Yeah, it was. But please don't say anything, I just—I don't want the attention, I don't want <em>them</em> to get the attention…"</p><p>"I know. Your secret's safe with me, Lily."</p><p>They made their way companionably to Gryffindor Tower, pausing to lean against the wall at Gryffindor Landing as they finished their discussion on the brutal amount of Charms homework they'd been assigned that day.</p><p>"I should probably head back," Garrytt started, "but about Saturday. You just want to meet up in the Three Broomsticks around two? Have a couple drinks, catch up on life? As friends?"</p><p>Lily smiled at him. "Yeah, I'd like that."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>The next evening, Lily made her way with James to Dumbledore's office, per McGonagall's note from earlier in the week. Her palms felt clammy, her pulse slightly rapid, though whether that was from the prospect of reliving the Slytherins' attack or from being one-on-one with James for the first time since their office Monday night, she couldn't tell.</p><p>They stepped into the narrow revolving staircase, and Lily chanced a glance up at him.</p><p>His voice was soft, his gaze thoughtful behind his glasses as he asked, "You alright?"</p><p>She nodded. "Mhmm."</p><p>He reached out, gave her hand a squeeze, then let go before they walked through the door to Dumbledore's office.</p><p>"Good evening," Dumbledore said from behind his desk, his fingers steepled in front of him as James and Lily sat down opposite him.</p><p>"Evening, sir," James replied.</p><p>Dumbledore's face looked grave, his tone clearly worried, as he fixed his piercing blue eyes on Lily and said, "I'll get straight to it. Miss Evans, I'm terribly sorry this has happened to you, and I hate to have to ask you to relive it, but I hope you understand that I must."</p><p>She did, and with a deep breath, she nodded, and said, "Actually, Professor, I think it starts with the night before that, when Emmeline Vance came to get us from the common room because of a confrontation going on…"</p><p>Lily mostly looked at her hands as she talked, speaking in short bursts as she tried to get the worst parts over with quickly, and James occasionally chimed in with details he remembered, then took over when the story reached the point of Edgar bringing Lily to Gryffindor Tower, though he obviously left out the details, concluding only with, "And then we put it out that she had just been taken ill and helped her get cleaned up."</p><p>Dumbledore paused for a moment, looking between them both. "Thank you for telling me this. I cannot hide that it disturbs me, but I also must admit I'm not surprised. Between us, I have heard rumors that Voldemort has been encouraging his followers to retaliate in a show against the denial of the proposals set forth at Hogwarts and at the Ministry. Miss Evans, I fear you may be just the subject of that."</p><p>Lily cleared her throat. "Honestly, I'm not surprised either, sir."</p><p>He inclined his head. "And you are as stoic and brave as ever, for which I commend you deeply, Miss Evans, but I also need to impart a warning."</p><p>Lily's eyebrows raised.</p><p>"Do not let your guard down in thinking that they are satisfied. There have been whispers reaching my ears that some of Voldemort's junior followers at Hogwarts are planning some sort of attack or incident here at the school."</p><p>Lily's stomach twisted, remembering what she had overheard between Dolohov and Drucilla.</p><p>"And though we obviously have very stringent protective measures in place, we cannot be watching all students at all times. I fear you are likely to be a high-priority target for them, and I also fear that their intentions may be far worse than what they did over the weekend. Perhaps even life threatening."</p><p>She swallowed hard and started when she felt James reach out and take her hand. If Dumbledore noticed, he didn't let on, though his voice was more gentle as he went on, "I do not say this to scare you, but so you can protect yourself accordingly. Surround yourself with your friends. Do not wander alone. Report anything suspicious to me at once."</p><p>Lily nodded.</p><p>Dumbledore leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. "Now, there is another matter I'd like to discuss with you briefly. I am forming a, shall we say, <em>counter-organization</em>. A secret group of allies to fight in the war against Voldemort."</p><p>James's question was immediate: "Can we join?"</p><p>Dumbledore smiled at him. "Not yet, James. I will not allow anyone still in school to be a member. And I won't give you any more information just yet, for your own protection. It is sufficient for you to know that I'll refer to this organization as the Order."</p><p>He looked between them both thoughtfully, but his gaze settled on Lily. "But I'm telling you this for two reasons. First, to give you hope. I know the walls of school can sometimes feel stifling and small, but there are people more educated and experienced than you who <em>are </em>working to fight this war, even if you can't see it happening, and I want you to take some comfort in that."</p><p>Lily nodded, feeling surprisingly reassured by those words, as simple as they were. Dumbledore was right; in the minutiae of school, it was easy to forget that the adults around them were dealing with problems much bigger than juggling schoolwork and hallway duels.</p><p>"And second, because I want you to <em>observe</em>. My organization will obviously need members to fight against Voldemort, and while I have my own trusted colleagues recruiting adults, I need eyes and ears on your classmates, particularly the seventh years, for when you all graduate in the summer. I hope you know that I trust you both completely in your values, your character, and your loyalty to the fight against Voldemort—it is why, in large part, I chose you. And it is why I trust your judgment in helping me determine, at a later time, who may be trusted enough to be approached to join us."</p><p>Lily didn't miss that <em>us</em> at the end and felt a strange swell of pride mixed with terror. Even more than after that first meeting with Dumbledore, even more than after hearing Sirius talk about <em>espionage</em> and <em>bringing the war inside</em>, it hit her, then, just how dangerous the world really was. Dumbledore was forming a counter-organization to fight the Death Eaters. Dumbledore had picked James and Lily not just to be Head Boy and Girl, but to help him in his greater plan to resist Voldemort. And Dumbledore also feared for her life.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily was far more rattled by that meeting than he was; he could sense it in her stilted steps as they walked into the revolving staircase, in her tight grip on the bannister, like she was holding herself up, in her vacant eyes and clenched jaw. As they reached the bottom and stepped into the corridor, he took her elbow and steered her down the corridor, around a corner, and into the elf passages. He had intended to march her to their fifth floor office where they could talk in private, but as soon as they were inside the elf passage, Lily stopped, slumping down to sit on a step, her face buried in her hands.</p><p>James sat beside her and put his arm around her as she slowly gave into shuddering sobs. He chewed his cheek, focusing on controlling the mixture of fear and anger that had been building up within him as Dumbledore spoke—as he had <em>explained</em>. James wanted to destroy every damn Slytherin in that castle, if only to protect Lily. She let him pull her into his chest, and he stroked her hair, grazed her arm with his fingertips. With a sniff, she pushed herself up, chuckling despite her tears.</p><p>"I really need to stop doing this," she muttered, wiping her nose on her sleeve.</p><p>"Doing what?"</p><p>She looked at up at him, her emerald eyes sparkling in the low candlelight. "Bloody crying all over you. I swear I usually <em>never</em> cry, and somehow over the past few weeks I've turned into a bloody spigot."</p><p>James smirked, scratching her back lightly. "Well, in your defense, it hasn't really been a year like any other so far, has it?"</p><p>Her arms wrapped around her knees. "No," she agreed softly. "It hasn't."</p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?"</p><p>"Not really."</p><p>"Hey." He cupped her cheek, turned her face to look at him. Her eyes flitted between his own, but she was still. He leaned down, pressed his lips to hers tentatively. But then her hands were at his neck, pulling him against her, and her tongue was pushing past his lips. James groaned softly, and one of Lily's hands dropped to his chest, sliding past his stomach, resting low on his abdomen. James found his own hand mirroring hers, dropping down to her leg, finding the soft skin of the inside of her thigh, resting just under her skirt. He needed to touch her, but, admittedly, a narrow patch of stone floor in the elf passages was not the place to do it.</p><p>Giving her thigh a squeeze, he pulled back from her gently, taking her hand in his as he started to push up to standing.</p><p>"Come on," he said softly. "Let's go upstairs."</p><p>She didn't protest, and, tugging her hand, he led her up the steps of the elf passages, through the portrait hole on the fifth floor, and into their office, where he shut the door and then pushed her against the wall, his mouth on hers, his knee between her legs. Their heads ducked around each other, trading heated kisses as Lily tugged his shirt from where they were tucked in his trousers and James slid his own hands up the back of her jumper. He pressed his leg more firmly between her thighs, grinned against her mouth as he felt her hips sliding against him, searching for friction.</p><p>"Evans," he gasped between kisses, "fireplace—c'mon."</p><p>He led her in front of the giant mantle, where a fire was roaring, and after grabbing a couple of pillows from the armchairs and throwing them on the ground, he lowered himself to sit on the floor, pulling her with him and laying her back against the plush carpet, a pillow tucked under her head. Leaning over her, he plied her with kisses, addicted to the heat of her mouth, her skin, her hands in his hair.</p><p>Lily's hands slid under his shirt, trailing up his sides and around his back, her fingertips leaving goosebumps over his skin in their wake. With a groan, he dropped one hand from her hair to follow the curve of her chest into her waist, then dip back underneath her jumper. Her bra was satin, slippery under his fingers as he cupped her, and thin enough that he could feel her harden beneath the swirl of his thumb over the fabric. Her own groan was soft against his mouth, and as he caressed her, he felt her hands slide up the back of arms and over his shoulders, up his neck and into the back of his hair. There was something so delicate in how her fingers curled against his scalp, her nails lightly scratching his skin, that he paused, resting his forehead on hers as he took a deep, shuddering breath.</p><p>She didn't say anything, just stroked his cheek and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. James was suddenly overwhelmed, like his mind had finally just comprehended everything that had happened between them up until that point. He was hooking up with Lily. <em>Again</em>. She was kissing him back, as fevered as he was. <em>Again</em>. If he could go back in time and tell his fifth-year self, sulking in his dormitory while he packed his trunk, that barely more than a year after that row he would have her in his arms in front of the fire in their secret Heads' office, he might've checked himself into St. Mungo's on the spot.</p><p>Her hand teasingly stroking him through his trousers brought his mind firmly back into the present, and he growled low in his throat, reaching down to run his hand up her bare thigh and over her hip. Lily had more curves than the other girls he had been with before, her hip not sharp bone but delicious skin that he could sink his fingers into and squeeze, pulling her closer.</p><p>She suddenly broke away, holding his face away from hers.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>She bit her lip as she looked up at him, her eyes deep emerald pools that looked almost black in the firelight.</p><p>"I feel like I should tell you something."</p><p>A boulder settled in his stomach, panic peeking around it, sniffing the air.</p><p>"You can tell me anything, Evans."</p><p>Her lips quirked in a small smile. "Is that a line, Potter?"</p><p>He rolled his eyes, pulling back from her so that he was propped on his elbow instead of resting his weight against her.</p><p>"No, of course not. I mean it. I think we've been through enough already this year for you to know you can trust me."</p><p>She laid her hands on her stomach, looking at the ceiling, and then she <em>chuckled</em>.</p><p>"Fuck, Potter. You know, I actually <em>do</em>? And you know how bloody weird that is to say? You've done my head in for years, we didn't even <em>speak</em> last year, and now we're not even a month into school and I—"</p><p>She broke off, looking at James curiously.</p><p>"You what?"</p><p>"I just—I trust you."</p><p>James got the impression that wasn't what she had been about to say, but he let it go. He thought he knew. He could feel it, a closeness with her that was hard to describe. A partnership, imposed upon them by the badges, that had been surface level at first but had somehow deepened with every bizarre situation they'd found themselves in up until that point.</p><p>He reached out his hand, tucked a piece of hair back from her face. "What did you want to tell me?"</p><p>She flushed, looking down at her hands. "I don't <em>want</em> to tell you, Merlin knows it's going to inflate your massive egotistical head <em>beyond</em> what it already—"</p><p>"Evans."</p><p>She glared at him. "The store cupboard. You're the—that was—"</p><p>He frowned at her. "No way was that your first time messing around."</p><p>She shook her head. "No, I've—I've <em>done</em> everything before, I just didn't—" She looked at the ceiling, waving her hands aimlessly before dropping them back on her stomach. "They never—well, I'd never—"</p><p>James's heart stopped. "No fucking way."</p><p>She just looked at him, her face blank.</p><p>"<em>That</em> was your first <em>orgasm</em>?"</p><p>"Not <em>ever</em>, just—in a way."</p><p>"I don't follow."</p><p>Lily fixed him with an annoyed stare, like he wasn't keeping up—or like she didn't want to have to say whatever she was going to say out loud.</p><p>"It was my first orgasm <em>from a boy</em>."</p><p>James's mouth fell open as the full meaning of her words hit his brain. "<em>I'm</em> the first bloke that's ever gotten you off? In the fucking <em>store cupboard</em>?"</p><p>She nodded again, a smile tugging at her lips. He was speechless, a swooping feeling soaring through his body; winning the Quidditch House Cup last year hadn't felt this good.</p><p>"I <em>told</em> you, massive inflation of ego—"</p><p>He cut her off. "How many blokes? Before me?"</p><p>She bit her lip, not answering right away, and James was too impatient.</p><p>"<em>How many</em>, Evans?"</p><p>She cleared her throat softly. "Six."</p><p>"<em>Six</em>?" He stared at her incredulously. "<em>Six blokes</em>, and <em>not one</em> of them made you come?"</p><p>She shook her head, a flush creeping around her neck.</p><p>"Chuck Davies?"</p><p>Once, the side-eye she gave him right then would have stopped him in his tracks, but now it rolled right over him.</p><p>"Are you really going to pry about <em>each one</em>?"</p><p>"Fuck yes."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "What does it <em>matter</em>?"</p><p>"Because I've been jealous of <em>every bloke</em> I've ever <em>seen</em> you with, Evans, even last year when I wasn't speaking to you." He had spoken without thinking, and he saw from the flash of surprise on her face that she hadn't expected him to say something quite that vulnerable. His voice was quieter as he said, "Let me have this."</p><p>She stared at him a moment, then said, "Chuck was a Neanderthal."</p><p>James snorted into laughter, then tried to control himself as Lily gave an exasperated sigh.</p><p>"Sorry. It's just—he always talked a big game."</p><p>"Well, then maybe it was just me—"</p><p>"No," he said softly. "It wasn't."</p><p>She gave him a pointed look. "And how would <em>you</em> know?"</p><p>James took a deep breath. "Honestly?"</p><p>Lily nodded.</p><p>"Ladie had shagged him summer before last year."</p><p>"But—she told everyone <em>you </em>were her first time."</p><p>James sighed, running his hand through his hair as he laid back against the other pillow on the floor. "I know she did. But I think her time with Davies was so bad, she was embarrassed by it, just wanted to forget it. Ladie's like that, thinks she can fix things that she doesn't like about herself, or her life, just by lying enough to make it true."</p><p>He looked over at Lily. She was studying him, that curious expression back on her face.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"What is with you and…<em>psychoanalyzing </em>people?"</p><p>James chuckled. "Want me to psychoanalyze you some more, Evans?"</p><p>She flushed. "Not particularly. Talking about our exes is weird enough."</p><p>He reached out his arm, covering her hand with his, and rubbed his thumb gently on her wrist. "I worried about you last year. When you were with him. Just from what Ladie had said."</p><p>"What did she say?"</p><p>James frowned. "He had been rough with her. And not…good rough."</p><p>The story had disturbed him, and though James often discarded most of what Adelaide said, suspecting that at least half of it wasn't true, he had believed her when she told him, ugly tears streaming down her face, body trembling, how Chuck Davies had pushed her head so hard when she was down on him that she had choked and gagged, and how he had then pulled her off him only to spin her around and take her violently from behind. It had happened recently when she told him, had been fresh in her mind. She had been at James's place; Sirius had moved in with the Potters that summer, and one night when his parents were out, they had some people over for a casual summer party in the Potters' back garden. Adelaide had drank herself into oblivion and James had held her hair while she emptied her stomach in the rose bushes, after which the words had poured out of her, like she needed to purge them right along with the champagne.</p><p>Lily's sigh pulled his thoughts back to her; anger seeped through his veins as he thought about Chuck with her, and he suddenly wondered if he should let her tell him at all—he might go hunting him down on the spot.</p><p>Her face was troubled as she looked at his hand covering hers. "He was…a little rough with me, too. Not at first. I was sort of being a tease, to be honest, I knew his reputation and I didn't want to feel, I don't know, <em>easy</em>. I was sort of surprised I liked him at all, but he was charming, and he was older, and I fell for it all like a fucking idiot."</p><p>She turned her head, meeting his eyes. "We only shagged once. In the Prefects' Bathroom. It was <em>horrible</em>."</p><p>James' insides turned to ice, his eyes wide. "In the…against the side? Like—"</p><p>She nodded, her lips turning up in a sad smile. "Your fantasy was much nicer than my past reality, Potter. Even redeemed that room for me a bit."</p><p>He had no idea what to say to that, so he leaned back up on his elbow and kissed her.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he said softly. "About Davies."</p><p>She shook her head. "It's in the past."</p><p>He nodded, then arched a brow at her.</p><p>"Don't think I forgot how we got on this topic, Evans. Bones?"</p><p>She chuckled, swatting at him.</p><p>"Not a Neanderthal. Eddie was very sweet."</p><p>"Sweet," James repeated.</p><p>"Yes, Potter. <em>Sweet</em>. If there's a how-to manual out there for being a perfect boyfriend, he had it memorized."</p><p>Jealousy clawed at his insides, and he heard the edge on his voice as he said, "Evans, you dated the guy for like six months and he <em>never</em> made you come—not <em>once</em>."</p><p>Lily just shrugged.</p><p>"You slept with him?"</p><p>She nodded; his insides boiled.</p><p>"You cared about him?"</p><p>She nodded again; why was he torturing himself like this?</p><p>"So how did he not—"</p><p>Lily sighed, seeming frustrated with him for the first time. "It still felt <em>good</em>, Potter. You have to remember what had just happened to me with Chuck before. I didn't <em>care </em>that he didn't know what the hell he was doing, because he's a <em>good person</em> and he was <em>romantic</em> and I didn't feel <em>violated</em>."</p><p>James nodded, waiting a moment to let her know he had listened to everything she said before circling back to the main point that interested him.</p><p>"He didn't know what he was doing, huh?"</p><p>Lily gave him another side-eye.</p><p>"Even, like, fingering you?"</p><p>"<em>Especially</em> that," she huffed, adding under her breath, "Clearly never had piano lessons."</p><p>"Er—what?"</p><p>She arched a brow at him. "You know how to play piano, don't you?"</p><p>"Er—yeah, since I was a kid." He had no idea how Lily had come to know that tidbit of information about him. He had learned to play on his mum's baby grand, had sat through hours upon hours of lessons from his eccentric Italian instructor every summer until his sixth year, his mum only agreeing to let him stop taking lessons once he'd come of age, though he had played long enough by that point that he could still play by ear.</p><p>"Well, let's just say that…translates."</p><p>Understanding dawned on him. "Oh?"</p><p>"I know you'll just keep pestering me, so I'm going to say it, but I'm only saying it once. To continue with the metaphor, Eddie knew how to play one note by pressing one key. You…play a fucking symphony."</p><p>James grinned. "Damn right, Evans."</p><p>She was flushing.</p><p>"Who else?"</p><p>"Garrytt Ollivander."</p><p>James' eyes went wide; that was a name he hadn't expected. "When did you—"</p><p>"Fifth year. He rebounded with me after he broke up with whoever he had been dating back then, some sixth-year Hufflepuff I think. We only fooled around one time. And then—don't judge me—I sort of messed around with…Fabian Prewett."</p><p>"Wait, when he was in seventh year?"</p><p>Lily nodded.</p><p>"And you were in fifth?"</p><p>"I <em>was</em> sixteen, Potter."</p><p>He grinned at her. "Damn, Evans. I mean, I knew you had a queue of blokes as long as the castle lawn, but I didn't know you had <em>seventh years</em> after you when we were year <em>five</em>."</p><p>Lily just shrugged. "It was after a match party, mostly just a fun snog, but it got a little handsy. He was pretty tipsy, that's probably why he, er—"</p><p>James arched his brows.</p><p>Lily pursed her lips. "You know what, let's just leave it at that. Anyway. Then there was Lane Abbott, he and I had a thing summer before last, we shagged once at a party at Marly's. Remus walked in by accident, he didn't tell you?"</p><p>James shook his head. "Nope."</p><p>"Hmm. I had asked him not to say anything, but I honestly wasn't sure if he'd still tell you guys."</p><p>"It's <em>Remus</em>. Of course he wouldn't say anything if you asked. He'll keep something from <em>Sirius</em> if I ask it of him."</p><p>Lily considered this. "He's really too good for all of us."</p><p>"He really is."</p><p>She fixed him with a pointed look. "Are you satisfied now? Hearing about my exes' inadequacies?"</p><p>"<em>Satisfied?</em> Are you <em>kidding?</em> Evans, you just told me I'm the only bloke who's ever gotten you off. Do you have any idea what this feels like for me right now?"</p><p>She met his gaze shyly.</p><p>James's eyes narrowed as he tallied the boys up in his mind and realized he was missing a piece of information. "Wait. You're missing one. Davies, Bones and Abbott last year, Ollivander and Prewett in fifth. Who else?"</p><p>She suddenly looked fearful.</p><p>"Evans, come on."</p><p>"No one knows, Potter. Not even my girlfriends."</p><p>"Well, now you have to tell me."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Mates' fucking Code."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "You just made that up."</p><p>"So? I won't judge you, Evans, I swear."</p><p>She chewed her cheek for a moment as she studied him. "I'm holding you to that. Is there something in that Mates' Code of yours about swearing and not judging and still being my mate even after I tell you a secret I have literally told <em>no one else</em>?"</p><p>He smiled at her. "If it means you'll tell me who the sixth inadequate bloke is that didn't have the fucking manners to give a beautiful girl an orgasm, then <em>yes</em>, Evans, the Mates' Code says whatever you need it to."</p><p>She blushed at that, and then she took a deep breath and said, "Dolohov."</p><p>"<em>WHAT</em>?"</p><p>James sat up, pulling away from her, dumbfounded. <em>Lily</em> and <em>Dolohov</em>? His insides writhed as he thought about the store cupboard. Had <em>she</em> done that with him?</p><p>Looking like she had expected this reaction, she sat up slowly, holding her elbows under her knees.</p><p>"Fifth year," she started, not waiting for him to ask. "Before those Slytherins started to get really into their blood purity stuff. I knew him from the Slug Club. It started at the Christmas party that year. He had been flirty with me all semester, mostly at Slughorn's stuff, which you never went to, so you wouldn't have seen. He didn't really talk to me in class. Anyway, we had snuck some punch at the Christmas party, and only N.E.W.T. students were supposed to be allowed to stay past ten, but we've always been two of Sluggy's favorites, and he didn't say anything when we stayed back. We…got a little tipsy and ended up necking in the dungeons. And then he started passing me notes, and we would…meet up. Just snagging, mostly, but eventually we kind of…messed around."</p><p>James was slack jawed as he listened to her, his voice hoarse when he finally spoke again. "How long? Did you two do this?"</p><p>"A few months. We were done by Easter holidays, that spring was when all the blood stuff really started taking off."</p><p>He stared at her. "Fuck, Evans. When I was asking you to Hogsmeade like a lovesick puppy, you were secretly meeting up with <em>Dolohov</em>?"</p><p>"You're still my mate, remember? You swore." Her tone was joking, but the pleading look in her eyes was sincere. She went on, "I was the one to call it off, actually—I didn't like what I was hearing about the Slytherins, and I had, well—I had gotten a bit bored with him, to be honest."</p><p>A smile twitched at his mouth as he thought back to how annoyed Dolohov had seemed at any mention of James' rumored prowess with girls, at Drucilla's jab about Dolohov having an ego complex with him. And here James had always just thought it was about classic territorial rivalry—Gryffindor versus Slytherin, in the castle and the Quidditch pitch—but now he saw it went deeper than that. Part of it, even if it was a small part, was about <em>Lily</em>. <em>She</em> had rejected <em>Dolohov</em>. She had been <em>bored</em> with him. And she had done it in the midst of a time when James had been relentless in his pursuit of her, and then Dolohov would have heard (obviously <em>had</em> heard) about James's reputation, courtesy of Adelaide, the following year. This was Dolohov's weak point; his insecurity that no one else would have noticed, would have even known about.</p><p>"And the store cupboard? Did that…mean anything different for you?"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "No. Back then he was nice, but he's just plain evil now. I wasn't, like…<em>thinking</em> about him, if that's what you're asking. Although it did seem like he must've learned a thing or two since fifth year, but I suppose that's true for everyone."</p><p>James quirked an eyebrow at her.</p><p>She gave him a sly smile. "Or maybe Flint just likes boring boys with bad manners who don't listen."</p><p>Swelling with sudden affection for her, feeling closer to her in a way that didn't make any sense, James leaned over and kissed her, pulling her back down onto the plush carpet with him in a tangle of limbs.</p><p>"Well, I have excellent manners, Evans." He reached up her skirt without preamble, swirling his fingers against the outside of her knickers as he lowered his mouth to her neck. "And if I'm with a beautiful girl"—he tugged her knickers down around her thighs—"I'm making her come"—he traced her outline, feeling her gasp under his touch—"every <em>fucking</em> time."</p><p>Lily's fingers curled over his shoulders, soft whimpering noises escaping her as he stroked her teasingly. She was squirming under him, trying to let her knees drop open, and James broke away from her to pull her knickers clean off before spreading her under his hand and returning his mouth to her neck. Lily tilted her body toward him, pulling his mouth to hers before dropping her hands to his waist, running her thumbs over the lines of his abdomen, sending tingles up his spine. She made swift work with his belt, button and zipper, shimmying his trousers and boxers down just enough to draw him out, holding him firmly in one hand while her other hand slid underneath him, cupping him softly. He groaned loudly, breaking away from her mouth.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Evans."</p><p>"I have excellent manners too, you know," she murmured.</p><p>"Yes, you fucking do," he agreed, hissing with pleasure as she squeezed tighter, tugged at him harder. Lily was smiling, nuzzling his nose with hers, as her hips rose to meet the rhythm of his hand. It was almost too much, her working him like that while she was dripping around his fingers.</p><p>"Hold on," he mumbled, letting go of her to reach up and still her hands. "Wait."</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>He shook his head, grinning. "You're too good, Evans. I'm just trying to last longer than thirty seconds for you."</p><p>She lifted her hands to his hair, pushing it off his forehead as she smiled at him, a mischievous glint in her eye.</p><p>"What's this? All the rumors aren't true?"</p><p>He chuckled. "Maybe the girl starting those rumors didn't touch me like you just did."</p><p>"Mmm, good answer, Potter."</p><p>Her mouth was tantalizingly warm on his, her nails scraping gently against his scalp as she raked her hands through his hair.</p><p>When he thought back on it later, James still didn't know how it happened; one moment, they were lingering in a deep, open-mouthed kiss, and the next, he was inside her. He froze as he felt the initial pressure of sliding just past her opening, and she gasped against his mouth. His eyes flew open to meet hers, already frantically searching his face, her cheeks flushed. James vaguely realized that his hand was on her upper thigh, her leg draped over him. Wordlessly, she kissed him—and then reached a hand to the small of his back right as her leg tightened. Like she was pulling him <em>closer</em>.</p><p>It was all the assurance he needed. He rolled to be fully on top of her, slowly pushing the rest of the way in, groaning against her mouth. She was tight around him, slick and warm. He couldn't even think, all of his senses completely overloaded with her. He moved against her slowly, deliberately, wanting to savor every thrust, every gasp he elicited from her. Her hips matched his, her arms snaking up the back of his shirt, pressing open palms into his shoulder blades. James ducked his head to her neck, trailing kisses down her throat to her collarbone.</p><p>Lily's gasp was a whisper in his ear. "<em>Fuck</em>, Potter."</p><p>He smiled against her skin. "Back at you, Evans."</p><p>"Oh, right there," she murmured. "Like that."</p><p>James obeyed, maintaining a sensual rhythm, feeling her respond by sinking nails into his back as soft moans escaped her throat. She felt perfect, and he told her so, somehow even more aroused by sensing her smiling while he was inside her. She pulled her hands from his shirt to cup his face, pulling him from her neck so she could kiss him. It was overwhelming: her lips soft, her tongue warm, her muscles clenching around him. James moaned softly into her mouth, the pressure of his release now rising in earnest.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Evans." He slowed, hovering over her face. "Hold on—I'm getting too close—and I want to get you there."</p><p>She gazed up at him with liquid eyes, her hands gentle on his neck. "You are getting me there."</p><p>That familiar swooping feeling he only seemed to get from Lily spread through his whole body. He needed her, needed more, needed to feel her release all around him. He thrust back into her, moving more insistently now as her lips were on his neck, his cheek, his jaw.</p><p>But suddenly Lily's hands set firmly on his hips, and he heard her whisper softly, "Shh. Like before. Draw this out."</p><p>James's head swam. He had imagined doing this with Lily countless times, but never once had he imagined she would say something as sexy as <em>that</em>. He pulled his head up to look at her, took in her dazed eyes, her flushed cheeks, and he kept holding her gaze as he slowed back down, focused on stroking her as deliberately as he could. Somehow, it was even more sensual than it had been when they started, every slight touch sending ripples of pleasure through his veins. She was squirming against him, making soft, throaty noises underneath him. James reached for the other pillow on the ground, murmured, "Lift up for a second," and slid it beneath her low back. Lily was watching him but didn't say anything, and he pulled farther out of her, shifting himself up over her just slightly more, and made sure he kept pressure on her with his pelvis before sinking back in, watching the scrunch of pleasure flash over her face.</p><p>"<em>That</em>," Lily gasped, right as he did it again. "<em>Fuck</em>, Potter."</p><p>He did it again, and again, and again, reveling in her gasps and sighs, feeling himself getting dangerously close to his own edge, consumed by her softness, her warmth, the tingling jolts of pleasure zinging through his body with each slow thrust. She started to tremble around him, but he kept the slow pace she wanted, kept nudging the spot that was drawing her closer. Her hands left his hips to bury in his hair, pulling his face down to hers, their noses aligned, their mouths close enough that James could feel her lips move when she spoke.</p><p>"I'm so close—<em>fuck</em>, right <em>there</em>—"</p><p>"Yeah, Lily. Let me feel you come."</p><p>He nudged her again, feeling her contract around him, and kissed the corner of her mouth. She whimpered, eyes squeezing shut. Another nudge, another tremble. A small cry: "<em>James</em>." He smiled—she'd said his name the last time he'd touched her, too, like the intensity of her pleasure just then was enough to knock down that particular wall, if only for the time they were wrapped up together—and nudged her again with a gentle thrust. She fought to keep her eyes open, and he kissed her mouth softly, gave her another thrust, another nudge.</p><p>"<em>Come</em>, Lily."</p><p>Her eyes were boring into him, emerald green orbs glittering in the flickering firelight. Thrust, nudge, contract.</p><p>"Come," he repeated, "and I'm going to come with you."</p><p>Thrust, nudge—her face scrunched; she was contracting more now, her release creeping up on her. "Oh, <em>fuck</em>—J—<em>yes</em>."</p><p><em>J</em>. No girl had ever called him that during sex. It echoed in his mind, pleasure threatening to burst through his body.</p><p>His next nudge sent her over; he felt her pressure break, her body go taut as she curled against him with a single, ringing cry, and he thrust into her again, his own pressure swollen, her spasms tugging at him.</p><p>"Fuck, <em>Lil</em>, I feel you. Baby, <em>fuck</em>."</p><p>Suddenly her hands were on his face, her lips right on his. "<em>James</em>—"</p><p>He came at the sound of his name in her voice, something raw and desperate like he'd never heard from her. Pleasure shuddered through his body, and he fought to keep his eyes open so he could watch her face change as she felt his release, as he pushed himself deeper and she wrapped her legs around him tighter, like she needed him as deep as he could possibly get. And then he was kissing her, his weight collapsing against her as he bracketed her head between his arms and her hands buried in his hair and her legs wrapped snugly around his waist and they rocked together slowly, reflexively, through their lingering shudders and spasms.</p><p>They stayed like that, their soft kisses and heavy breaths and the crackle of the fire the only sounds. James didn't dare move for fear that it would break this strange bubble of intimacy holding them together. He still didn't fully understand how they had got there—trusting each other, confiding in one another, having <em>that </em>kind of sex with each other—but he knew in his bones that he would do everything in his power to protect it, <em>keep</em> it.</p><p>Eventually he rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes. "Fuck, Evans. Just <em>fuck</em>. I've never had sex like that."</p><p>Lily's fingertips rubbed gently against his scalp, tracing his hairline on the back of his neck, but she didn't say anything.</p><p>He opened his eyes slowly, saw emerald orbs already watching him, a mixture of curiosity and shock.</p><p>Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I—I can't believe we just did that."</p><p>He smiled softly, kissed her cheek, and then rolled gently off of her and onto his back, lifting his hips to pull his trousers back up before pushing up his glasses and rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes.</p><p>Her hand rested tentatively on his chest, and he turned his head, moved by the softness on her face. She looked dazed.</p><p>"C'mere." He lifted his arm and she scooted over to him, snuggling into his chest as he wrapped his arm around her, drawing lazy circles on her back, her shoulder. He vaguely realized they hadn't even undressed each other—the way it had started had completely derailed the direction he had thought—had originally planned—for this encounter to go, but he wasn't complaining in the slightest.</p><p>James threw caution to the wind. "Evans?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"What are you doing Saturday?"</p><p>He thought he could hear the smile in her voice as she said, "Just going to Hogsmeade like everyone else, Potter."</p><p>"Do you have, like, specific plans? For Hogsmeade?"</p><p>Her tone was casual, conversational, as she said, "Yeah, I'm doing some shopping with the girls, I haven't seen as much of them as I'd like, especially Marly, and then I'm gonna grab some drinks with Gare, catch up."</p><p>It was like the room had suddenly run out of oxygen. His chest felt tight, his mouth dry, his insides turned to stone.</p><p>"You—you have a date?"</p><p>Lily peeled her head from his chest, looking down at him as she said, "No, not a <em>date</em> date, just like a"—she waved her hand aimlessly—"like a <em>friend</em> date."</p><p>James sat up slowly, shifting away from her as his heart hammered in his chest. "A <em>friend </em>date? What the fuck's a <em>friend</em> date?"</p><p>Lily shrugged, looking slightly alarmed by his reaction. "Just, you know, catching up."</p><p>"<em>Catching up?</em> On <em>what</em>, all your homework assignments?"</p><p>Lily frowned at him. "On <em>life</em>. Because we're <em>friends</em>."</p><p>"Since when?"</p><p>She looked at him like the answer was obvious. "Since last year. I guess, maybe you didn't know, but he dated Amelia while I dated Eddie. The four of us hung out a lot, spent practically every weekend together, even if it was just mostly studying."</p><p>He hadn't known that, or if he did, he hadn't paid any attention. His stomach churned. She had a whole life, a whole set of friends, that was completely unconnected to their Gryffindor bubble—and that he'd never thought about.</p><p>"So what, now you're both broken up with the Boneses and you—"</p><p>"<em>Stop</em>." Lily's eyes flashed at him, though her voice was determinedly calm. "Look, I get why you're jealous—"</p><p>"Do you?"</p><p>She faltered, bit her lip as she looked at him, like she was bracing herself for where this conversation was headed.</p><p>His heart was pounding, adrenaline pushing him to say what he was suddenly bursting to get off his chest. "If it's not blatantly obvious, I'm more into you than I've ever been in my <em>life</em>. I don't just fancy you, Lily, I have fucking <em>feelings</em> for you."</p><p>He didn't miss how the sound of her name just then sent a flash of shock across her face.</p><p>"And yeah, you going to Hogsmeade with another bloke fucking <em>hurts</em>—"</p><p>"It's not <em>like</em> that!" Her eyes were bright, a mixture of anger and something else, something intense, as she reacted to what he'd said. "<em>You</em> have friends that are girls! I've seen you be touchy with Mac, I see you around Dahlia, who's your <em>ex-girlfriend</em>, by the way, acting the same as you two always did—"</p><p>"And I don't go on <em>dates</em> with them to Hogsmeade—"</p><p>"Well it's a little different being friends with someone you don't share a common room with—"</p><p>"Doesn't mean you have to <em>get</em> <em>drinks</em>—"</p><p>"How is that any different than me sitting talking to Remus for awhile at a common room party? Or playing Exploding Snap with Peter, like I did that night we dueled the Slytherins?"</p><p>"Because that's not a one-on-one <em>date</em>—"</p><p>Lily huffed. "It's <em>not </em>an actual <em>date</em>, Gare's—"</p><p>"Can you stop calling him that?"</p><p>"What, his name?"</p><p>"It's a pet name, Evans, and it's making me sick—"</p><p>"Oh, sort of like <em>Ladie</em>?"</p><p>James glared at her. He supposed she had a point. Damn.</p><p>Lily crossed her arms. "Garr<em>ytt</em>"—she made sure to enunciate the <em>t</em> at the end—"is a <em>friend</em>, and we are hanging out in Hogsmeade as <em>friends</em>."</p><p>"And is that what <em>he</em> wants? To just be your friend?"</p><p>"Well, of course it is!"</p><p>"Did he tell you that?"</p><p>"Yeah, we just talked about it last night."</p><p>James stared at her blankly. She had just hung out with him <em>last night?</em></p><p>Lily returned his blank stare. "We have an Ancient Runes study group. There's only five of us in the class. Me, Eddie, Gare, Aiko, and Pandora. We meet up Tuesday evenings."</p><p>When he had Quidditch practice. He'd never known she got together with her Ancient Runes class. He was so used to seeing her around most evenings that he'd never thought she might be doing something other than her usual common-room-or-office routine while he was at practice.</p><p>"Is that—so this just came up last night?"</p><p>She looked embarrassed, a flash of something almost like guilt passing over her face, and she looked away from him as she sighed and said, "No, he'd—he'd asked me before, yesterday was just…a talk. About us only being friends."</p><p>James's heart was hammering again. "Let me guess, he just agreed with everything you said?"</p><p>Lily pressed her mouth in a line.</p><p>"Yeah, that's what I thought. Fuck, Evans, you just told me you guys had a thing in fifth year. What, did he tell you he wanted to try again or something?"</p><p>Lily closed her eyes briefly, and James felt his heart lodge in his throat.</p><p>"He fucking did. When did he ask you? The first time?"</p><p>She just stared at him.</p><p>"<em>When</em>, Evans?"</p><p>Her voice was small. "The first week back at school."</p><p>"Before or after the night I helped you with Charms?"</p><p>She bit her lip. Then, "After. But before we kissed."</p><p>He swore under his breath as he got to his feet, tucking in his shirt, pacing away from her. "This whole—fucking—time?" He turned to glare at her, seeing her straightening her skirt as she stood up behind him. "You've had a date set with Ollivander this <em>whole fucking time</em>?"</p><p>"I <em>told</em> you, it's <em>not</em> a <em>date</em> date, <em>not anymore</em>—"</p><p>"The fuck it's not, at least to him! You have to know that, Evans."</p><p>She breathed hard through her nose, and somehow he knew he wouldn't get her to admit he was right on that.</p><p>He stared at her, hands on his hips, his blood boiling. "Why didn't you tell me?"</p><p>She crossed her arms in front of her chest, her eyes blazing at him. "At <em>first </em>because it wasn't your business."</p><p>"And then?"</p><p>"And then—" She swallowed hard, her face losing some of its intensity, and she looked into the fire, bringing a hand to her face as the words tumbled out, "and then I fucking <em>forgot</em>. That I had agreed to go. I was so distracted, by you and the Slytherins, and then I remembered but I didn't really get what was going on with you, and I thought maybe I should give it another go with him, but <em>then</em> we had started to—you know, and I was trying to figure out what the fuck to do—"</p><p>"What <em>to do?</em>"</p><p>She looked at him blankly.</p><p>"We've been <em>hooking up</em>, Evans—"</p><p>"Yeah, and just because you call me <em>baby</em> when we do doesn't mean that I <em>belong</em> to you."</p><p>James froze.</p><p>Lily looked horrified at what she had just said, immediately trying to backtrack with, "I'm sorry, that—I didn't—I mean, it's…<em>true</em>, that just—it came out <em>harsh</em>—"</p><p>James cut over her. "I've been calling you that?"</p><p>Her eyes went wide. "You didn't know?"</p><p>James looked away from her as he chewed his cheek, his stomach seeming to plummet through the floor. He had actually been calling her things? Like, besides-her-name things? He was really so far gone that all the things he had fantasized about saying to her over the years had <em>actually</em> been coming out of his mouth?</p><p>Her voice was a soft gasp. "Shit, you didn't."</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair. "No, I—I guess I didn't…realize."</p><p>They stared at each other for a moment.</p><p>James thought his voice might crack as he asked, "Has any of this meant anything to you? With me?"</p><p>"I—yes, but—"</p><p>"But <em>what?</em> It's a yes or no qu—"</p><p>"—but it's not like we're going to start <em>dating</em>."</p><p>James's breath caught, like all the wind had just been knocked out of him, and he swallowed hard, his voice strained as he asked, "Why not, Evans?"</p><p>She threw her arms up around her before recrossing them over her chest, her own voice sounding strained as she hurled, "Because we're <em>Head students</em>. Because we've only been getting along for <em>two weeks</em>. Because no matter <em>how</em> close I feel to you sometimes, like when you pull <em>fucking</em> toad guts out of my hair, I am still reminded <em>every day</em> that I barely know you <em>at all</em>."</p><p>The force of those words hit James like a ton of bricks. Because she was <em>right</em>. Really, they barely knew each other. Sure, they had gotten to know each other decently well as kids, as classmates, the way you do when you're around someone as often as they had been, but the past year? As they'd actually grown up and dated other people and had social lives that had strictly not involved each other? He was suddenly feeling like all the ground he'd thought they'd covered over the past two weeks hadn't been very much ground at all.</p><p>"Evans, I—" He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than he had this entire conversation. "What you just said, about—feeling close sometimes but barely knowing you others. I…feel the same."</p><p>She stared at him, something open, like she hadn't expected him to say that but was pleasantly surprised by it.</p><p>He pushed himself on. "But I want to. Know you. And I thought we were—I don't know. Getting there."</p><p>She took a step towards him. "Where is <em>there</em>, exactly?"</p><p>James swallowed hard. He had been wrong—this moment was the most vulnerable he'd ever been. But this was his chance. "Being together?"</p><p>He heard her breath catch, saw her throat bob. He slid his hands from his hips into his pockets, waiting, vaguely wondering whether it was possible for the force of his heartbeat to launch itself out of his chest, whether he'd just combust on the spot—</p><p>"James—"</p><p>His stomach clenched. She'd only said his name around the act of sex, and as this was a decidedly heavier moment, this could either be very good, or very, very bad.</p><p>Her eyes looked softer; for the first time that whole conversation, she seemed <em>nervous</em>. Her voice was small, tentative. "I—this is all so <em>new</em>, and it's happened so <em>fast</em>, and—<em>fuck</em>, you've liked me for so <em>long</em>, and I've only just realized you're not a terrible person, and—"</p><p>James snorted into laughter, bringing his hand to his face.</p><p>"—and what the <em>fuck</em> is so <em>funny</em>?"</p><p>He could hardly keep the smirk from his face as he asked cheekily, "And did you realize I'm not a terrible person before or after I got you off in that store cupboard, Evans?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Oh, <em>fuck </em>you, I <em>knew</em> I shouldn't have told you that—"</p><p>"But you did."</p><p>She sighed. "Yeah, I did."</p><p>James took a step closer to her. "You wanted me to know?"</p><p>She nodded again. "Yeah, I guess I did."</p><p>He took another step. "You trust me?"</p><p>Another nod. Another step. "You like me?"</p><p>He was right in front of her now, and her head tilted back to hold his gaze, her eyes searching his. "I—yeah. I do."</p><p>"Will you let me chase you?"</p><p>Her eyes went wide at that. "<em>What?</em>"</p><p>"You said this is new for you. And you're right, I've liked you longer, I'm more used to the idea. So if <em>that's</em> the reason why you're scared of dating me—"</p><p>"I'm not<em> scared</em>—"</p><p>He quirked a brow at her but just continued on, "then let's get you used to me."</p><p>She opened and closed her mouth, suddenly looking flustered. "What—"</p><p>James cut over her. "You like rules, yeah? Like having a plan?"</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. She didn't need to answer for him to know they <em>both</em> knew that was true about her personality.</p><p>"So here's a plan. Save October's Hogsmeade Saturday for me. It's a month away. And if you still like me by then, we go, and if you don't like me anymore, then we won't. And the only rule is that you have to be honest with me."</p><p>Lily stared at him, then closed her eyes briefly, shaking her head in disbelief as she said, "Are you—was that—did you just propose a <em>plan</em> to <em>woo me</em> for a month so I'll go on a date with you?"</p><p>He smiled down at her. "Is it working?"</p><p>A grin was slowly spreading over her face, though she was trying to fight it. "Potter, you're <em>ridiculous</em>."</p><p>"Is that a yes, Evans?"</p><p>Lily smirked at him, then did something James didn't expect: she lifted her hands to his neck and pulled his face down toward her mouth and said softly, "Yes, Potter, you can <em>woo</em> me," before reaching the rest of the way on her tiptoes and kissing him, something intense but sweet, and that familiar swooping sensation was back in his stomach as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her like she was everything he'd ever wanted, because she was.</p><p>And she was giving him a chance.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily was in trouble. Not actual trouble, mind, that never happened. Lily had never had detention, not being one to do stupid trouble-making things. Though she had a fiery temper, she usually kept it strictly verbal, and though she had said some rather choice things to people over the years, in front of teachers she had always kept her comments to just the appropriate level of cheek.</p><p>No, she was trouble in a different way. In a way that involved not retaining a lick of information in either of her classes the next morning because all she could still bloody think about was accidentally having sex with James Potter.</p><p>Well, okay, one did not <em>accidentally</em> have sex. Although it <em>had</em> started that way—Lily had already replayed it in her mind hundreds of times, and she still didn't know how it happened, only that they had been making out on the floor, that James's tongue did magnificent things to her mouth, that his hands on her skin lit her up like lightening, and that she had suddenly felt that delicious, smooth heaviness push just inside.</p><p>That was the moment it turned intentional. Very, very intentional. Lily had felt outside her body; her old lusty fantasies were <em>happening</em>. James Potter was on top of her. James Potter was <em>inside</em> her. James Potter had laid her down in front of the <em>fireplace </em>(like the most romantic fucking thing she could ever imagine) and had looked at her like he adored her. She had her hands in that hair, she had seen that grin when she moaned his name—his <em>first</em> name—and she thought he must have somehow gotten into her thoughts and read her memories when he told her, his voice soft and low, that she was the most fucking perfect thing he'd ever seen or ever felt. And when she had heard that moniker—<em>Lil</em>—in his voice and looked into his eyes as she felt him come, she had adored him right back.</p><p>She also kept replaying their talk <em>after</em>. Lily thought it might have been the hardest yet most rewarding conversation she'd ever had. At several points, she thought they had both teetered dangerously toward old rowing habits, and she had had her arms crossed so tightly only because her hands were shaking, her heart pounding in her chest as she simultaneously felt guilty over seeing him hurt, <em>and</em> annoyed that he was being so hypocritical about her having guy friends when he had even better friends that were girls, <em>and</em> afraid to talk about how she really felt, because she was only just finally admitting to herself that she liked him,<em> and</em> on top of all of that, she was a ball of nerves because she <em>was</em> bloody falling for him and he somehow made whole flocks of birds flap around in her stomach.</p><p>She was still somewhat in disbelief over the whole thing. But more than anything, she felt <em>relief</em>. Because they had managed to get to the root of it all: James was right in what the next step would be, and she wasn't ready. She felt off-balance. She wasn't <em>used</em> to him, used to feeling like this, used to having him be in her life the way that he suddenly was. She needed more <em>time</em>. And though she hadn't been able to articulate that to herself before, he had somehow managed to draw it out of her. And what was even more surprising was how his little <em>plan</em> worked to assuage her anxiety more than she'd expected. It was like a weight had lifted from her shoulders, the pressure to <em>figure it out</em> gone, the anxiety of the <em>will he or won't he</em> disappeared. He had made it all so simple. <em>Get used to me</em>. If, then. He had not only agreed to give her <em>time</em>, but he had given her his <em>understanding </em>and his<em> patience</em>, and something about that had unlocked a little thought in her mind that maybe, just maybe, she might catch up to him.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>But as satisfying as The Conversation had been, and as blissfully wonderful as those post-Conversation kisses had felt, she could still tell that James was ticked off that she was going to meet up with Garrytt for a friendly drink on Saturday, which she still found absurdly hypocritical given that she had reassured him multiple times that her and Garrytt were <em>friends</em>, and because the universe obviously thought she needed more emotional whiplash in her life, her name came out of Dearborn's goblet again, this time followed by Garrytt Ollivander's.</p><p>He smiled at her as he stepped into the ring of blue light, just in front of where her fellow Gryffindors stood watching. "Loser finishes Runes, Lil?"</p><p>Her stomach knotted; they were good enough friends that he often called her that, but just then—wondering if Garrytt might still like her, knowing how her name sounded in James's voice, liking it <em>better</em> in James's voice—it just felt <em>wrong</em>.</p><p>Lily also didn't miss the flashes of surprise cross some of her friends' faces—cross <em>James's</em> face—as Garrytt spoke to her. Garrytt was usually quiet in class, never really interacting with the Gryffindors much, but now his demeanor had changed. His smile was playful.</p><p>Was he—<em>flirting</em> with her?</p><p>What was he <em>doing</em>? They had<em> just agreed</em> they were only friends!</p><p>She had to act normal, just behave like herself.</p><p>Lily arched a brow, smirked back at him. "Thanks for volunteering, Gare."</p><p>They bowed, a section of Garrytt's hair falling in his face as he held her gaze, but Lily didn't have time to think about how the sight of such sexy hair in front of those smoldering eyes didn't stir a single fluttery feeling—she only had time to throw the first jinx and plunge them into their duel.</p><p>This was Garrytt's first duel in this class, and he was good. Although it was no surprise that he was calculating, he was quicker on his feet than she'd expected, better at anticipating her movements than Severus had been—no doubt, she remembered belatedly, because he was a Keeper and trained to read such things. Feinting wouldn't work, then.</p><p>How to throw him off his game? How to <em>win?</em></p><p>She hated the inspiration that came to her, but she wanted to win more. So she slowed for a moment, acted tired, let his stinging jinx hit her arm, winced with no exaggeration as she felt the burn rip through her shirt and over her shoulder, and then, seeing the horrified look on his face, the slight drop of his wand arm as he took a step toward her, she hit him with an underhanded <em>Expelliarmus!</em> and sent his wand flying from his hand and into her own.</p><p>His horrified expression turned to surprise, then into smiling laughter as he walked over to her, jostling her good shoulder while he took his wand back.</p><p>He kept his voice low, just for her, as he said, "Nicely done, Lil. I'll do Runes if you check it over, yeah?"</p><p>She was saved from answering by Dearborn, who continued with an analysis of their duel and critiqued some of the finer points of their techniques. Lily barely listened, too distracted by the look she'd seen on James's face as Garrytt had walked her back toward the edge of the circle, his hand still on her shoulder.</p><p>James was one of the first to turn and leave once class was dismissed. Garrytt, who had eventually dropped his hand from her shoulder but stuck by her side, said quietly, "We should probably get you to Pomfrey, that burn looks a bit painful."</p><p>It stung horribly, but Lily was willing to forego being healed if it meant she could escape this suffocating tension that seemed to be closing in around her and go scream into her pillow.</p><p>Garrytt took her silence as acquiescence, and prodded her toward the door. "C'mon, I'll walk you."</p><p>"You don't have to—"</p><p>He smiled down at her. "I want to." He elbowed her lightly in the ribs, adding, "It'll make me feel better after giving it to you in the first place."</p><p>Bugger. Seeing that the only way out was through, Lily let him walk her to the Hospital Wing. Being the perfect, normal gentleman he was, he also insisted on carrying her bag for her, and though her girlfriends had lingered to wait for her, once they saw Garrytt hitch Lily's bag up next to his own, they quickly scampered on ahead, Marlene and Mary both throwing her highly confused looks over their shoulders. Rats. She'd have to set the record straight later.</p><p>Madam Pomfrey patched her up in no time, and Lily insisted on taking her bag back as they left the Hospital Wing. She paused once they reached the corridor that would take her toward Gryffindor Tower.</p><p>"Well, this is me."</p><p>Garrytt nodded. "I'll see you tonight."</p><p>"Er—what?"</p><p>Garrytt smiled. "Slughorn's dinner party? You're his favorite, so I assume he invites you to everything."</p><p>She didn't know what to say to that, so she just asked dumbly, "You're going too?"</p><p>"Yeah, sounds like it's a seventh-year crowd, Aiko got an invite, and so did Eddie."</p><p>Lily nodded. "Makes sense."</p><p>"I'm assuming Dolohov will be there, he's Sluggy's other favorite, so I think it'll just be the five of us."</p><p>"Potter's going."</p><p>Garrytt raised his eyebrows in surprise.</p><p>"I think it's a…Head Boy thing—why Slughorn invited him."</p><p>He shrugged. "Well, his mum does basically run this place with Dumbledore, so I suppose I'm not surprised."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"</p><p>Garrytt looked down at her pointedly. "Come on, Lily. Chairwoman's son gets the badge? Gee, I wonder who made that decision."</p><p>"Dumbledore did."</p><p>Now Garrytt's eyes narrowed. "Why're you defending him?"</p><p>"I'm setting the record straight," she said hotly, "because what you just said was <em>gossip</em>, and you're smarter than that, Gare. Dumbledore makes badge decisions alone, <em>without </em>approval of the Board. So if you think Dumbledore chose wrong, then think Dumbledore chose wrong, Merlin knows I used to, but leave Euphie out of it—"</p><p>Garrytt quirked a brow at her. "On a first name basis, I see."</p><p>Lily flushed. "Yes, because I'm <em>Head Girl</em>. And I don't care <em>whose</em> mum she is, she's one of the most impressive women I've ever met and she runs circles around a bunch of <em>men</em> in holding this place together."</p><p>Garrytt looked momentarily surprised at her outburst, but then he smiled at her, reaching out a tentative hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. Lily flinched slightly, confused by his sudden mood swing, and he pulled back, biting his lip.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I—I wasn't thinking. I just—you're cute when you're angry. And when you get all female-empowerment."</p><p>Lily crossed her arms over her chest, not pleased with his tone, but he just chuckled, shaking his head. "There you go again."</p><p>Garrytt took a step closer to her, resting hands lightly on her elbows. "Look, Lily, I'm sorry for believing the gossip. I don't know her. But I know <em>you</em>, and I know you are an excellent judge of character, so if you respect her, then I believe you. I do."</p><p>She nodded, feeling her shoulders relax. "Thanks. I'll…see you at dinner, I guess."</p><p>With a final squeeze to her arms, Garrytt smiled at her, said, "See you at dinner, Lily," and then turned to head off toward Ravenclaw Tower.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James stood in front of the mirror in the boys' lavatory, running a smidge of Sleakeezy's through his hair. It actually could look quite dapper when he wanted it to, he just could never keep his hands out of it, the bad habit he'd had since he was young. But what the hell, he'd see how long it lasted. Hair settled, he adjusted his tie one last time, buttoned his sleeves, and then shrugged on his dress robes, going for the plain black velvet.</p><p>While Past James would have looked forward to Slughorn's little shindig because, though the Slug Club was still the prattiest thing he'd ever heard of, it would mean an opportunity to spend several hours in the presence of one Lily Evans, Present James was very much annoyed and thought that whoever came up with the idea of weeknight dinner parties should be fired, their taking up precious time where he could otherwise be flying, marauding, or otherwise avoiding the presence of the same Lily Evans.</p><p>It wasn't that he was avoiding her forever, per se. They had obviously had The Conversation, and he was obviously still falling hopelessly in love with her, but he also wished time could just fast-forward until after Saturday, because it irked him to no end that Lily couldn't see that Garrytt wanted to be just friends with Lily about as much as <em>he</em> wanted to be just friends with Lily. The plain discomfort on her face at Garrytt's hand on her shoulder had helped incrementally, but it had been quickly outweighed by the knowledge that Garrytt would still get a few hours with her in Hogsmeade on Saturday when James wouldn't, and he had turned and left class so fast only because he feared he might go ruin Garrytt's face like old times if he didn't get out of there.</p><p>If left to his own devices, James probably would've skipped Slughorn's dinner, but Lily confessed that she had never missed one of Slughorn's gatherings and she wasn't about to start now as Head Girl, so (this being Before his post-Conversation Ollivander Angst), there had been no question that James was going, and he had pledged his attendance to Slughorn when she did.</p><p>"Is this basically like his Welcome Back party, just smaller?"</p><p>"Pretty much."</p><p>"Strange food, schmoozing, forced conversation, the works?"</p><p>Lily had given him a sly smile. "The works. Also wine."</p><p>"So, when he says <em>casual little dinner</em>—"</p><p>Lily had pointed to the bottom of the invitation: Dress Robe Formal.</p><p>Ah, so it was one of <em>those</em> casual little dinners.</p><p>Having grown up at Stinchcombe Park, the product of an entrepreneurial millionaire with even more inherited wealth and an heiress to a Dutch fortune, James was no stranger to elitist mingling, but knowing that those descriptors of his parents was exactly why he had piqued Slughorn's interest left a sour taste in his mouth. It was exactly the reason he had rebuffed Slughorn's invitations years ago when they'd first started, and eventually Slughorn had gotten the message.</p><p>He had been serious when he told Lily that first night back that he wanted to be judged as himself, and not by who his ancestors were. But it was a fine line to straddle, because the perks of his parents' lineage were many, and not just because of the wealth. It was the little things, the connections he had that he had always taken for granted but that he was now appreciating more than ever with a war brewing outside the castle's walls: The strange comfort that came from knowing that Dumbledore and McGonagall were close with his parents; growing up with a group of other pureblood kids, like Mary and Sirius and Kingsley, who were like his own little extended family; understanding the undercurrents of the latest goings-on at the Ministry and having those pureblood friends to talk about it with, since they all heard different things from their own families; and feeling safe, in the way that he knew if he were ever in any kind of serious trouble, he had a network of people he could fall back on, who would be there for him, help him, cover for him, with money being no object.</p><p>All in all, it was as privileged as privileged could get, and James knew it. And it was why, in his own way, he had extended that net of privilege as much as he possibly could to his friends, especially Remus, who would otherwise have had nothing to catch him. James figured that he had no control over being given it, so he might as well share it.</p><p>Still, the elitist mingling was a drag. As were the strange foods.</p><p>James sauntered down the boys' staircase, finding Lily already in the common room, the rest of their friends already at dinner. He was always blown away by her, even when she had frizzy hair and ink smudges on her cheeks, but just then, she was simply mesmerizing. Her hair was down, in loose curls that fell just over her chest, and she also wore plain black dress robes, but underneath she had on a deep green velvet dress that made her eyes pop more than usual and that draped over her curves in ways that made James extra grateful that Past James had had the foresight to charm all of his trousers to hide any evidence of inevitable arousal in her presence.</p><p>He knew immediately that he had been wrong. Slughorn should <em>not</em> be fired, he should be <em>promoted</em>, and pretentious little dinner parties were not annoying, they were <em>amazing</em>, and so what if Garrytt would get to spend a couple of hours with Lily in a crowded pub as <em>friends</em>, because he was about to spend a couple of hours in her presence, in that <em>dress</em>, as her <em>wooer</em>. (Dare he even think, <em>lover</em>?)</p><p>He saw her smirk and flush slightly, and he belatedly realized he must have been staring. With a grin, he sidled up to her and brushed his fingertips against her waist as he said in a low voice what he'd told her before and should probably start telling her every day: "You're always stunning, Evans."</p><p>She looked up at him through her lashes. "You're pretty dapper yourself, Potter."</p><p>They made small talk on the long trek downstairs, and he followed her through the dungeons, to Slughorn's private quarters. His dining room turned out to be cozy, just a round dining table nestled between a stone mantle filled with bright green flames and a liquor cabinet that was overflowing with bottles. One wall was filled with memorabilia of Slug Club members past, and another was dominated by a painting of a very old and cranky looking wizard who got up and promptly left his portrait as soon as he saw Slughorn was dining with company.</p><p>When Slughorn had said "little," he had really meant it. There were only six seventh-year students: James, Lily, Dolohov, Edgar Bones, Garrytt Ollivander, and Aiko Chang. James hadn't expected Garrytt. This would be interesting. He also did the mental tally: Lily had hooked up with every boy, and he had slept with both girls. Yep, just a grand ole time.</p><p>Not one to skip over anything pretentious, Slughorn had set out place settings, predictably sitting Lily next to him, with James by Lily, and Dolohov on James' other side. The table would have comfortably sat the six students, but with Slughorn's added girth, it was a tight squeeze; he and Dolohov knocked knees as they scooted in their chairs, meeting each others' eyes and sharing a look that James thought was more mutual annoyance at Slughorn than at each other.</p><p>Lily had told him that Slughorn largely dominated the conversation, asking each student in turn questions about their family, connections, etcetera, so James mostly sat back and observed, steadily drinking the vintage Slughorn had unstoppered, which was deliciously smooth. Long minutes ticked by as Slughorn first questioned Aiko (whom he had sat to his right; James didn't miss that particular arrangement of his either), then Garrytt, then Edgar. James only picked at his food, not one to eat much at these types of things, which was probably more a byproduct of subconscious training growing up; you never knew when you would be drawn into more elitist mingling conversation, you know.</p><p>For the first half of dinner, everything was perfectly, almost surprisingly, <em>boring</em>. And, possibly even more surprisingly, sitting by Lily had been uneventful. She sat to his right, politely sipping her wine and sitting back in her chair, and James only had the faint whiff of the honey scent of her hair when she adjusted it to remind him she was there.</p><p>That all started to change when Slughorn was mid-way through polite conversation with Dolohov. Lily shifted in her chair, crossing her leg. She always crossed left leg over right; James had seen her do it in class every day for six years. But as he glanced down at the movement, he realized that though her dress had looked like it had ended just under her knees in conservative fashion, it actually had a long slit—up her left leg. And since she was sitting, that slit rode up even higher, to a patch of thigh that James had just grabbed just the night before.</p><p>Suddenly, the room felt very hot and oxygen-deprived. He finished his glass of wine, and Slughorn slid the bottle toward him. James reached for it right as Lily did, their hands bumping into each other. James looked at her, meeting her eye as she pulled her hand back, and he wordlessly took the bottle and refilled her glass before giving himself just as generous a pour.</p><p>Slughorn having finished with Dolohov, it was James' turn to be questioned. Slughorn clapped his hands together. "Mr. Potter! Our very own Potions <em>legacy</em>! Though I hear you have more of a hand for Transfiguration, now, yes? And, perhaps, a certain penchant for <em>dueling</em>?"</p><p>He had heard about the duel with Dearborn, then. James smiled politely. "You could say that."</p><p>Slughorn smiled at him. "And how <em>is</em> Euphie?"</p><p>Somehow, he wasn't surprised that one of the first things out of Slughorn's mouth was to ask about his mother; she was ubiquitous, having all sorts of relationships with his professors that he didn't know about.</p><p>"She's great," James told him. "Really well."</p><p>"I had heard that one of her brothers had died—Rudolph, perhaps?"</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah, he did. While he was abroad."</p><p>He didn't add that it had occurred under extremely suspicious circumstances, but if Slughorn had heard he had died at all, James was sure he had an idea.</p><p>Slughorn, for his part, truly did look concerned, and not like he was fishing for information. His mum had that effect on people.</p><p>"And is she alright? Is she getting on?"</p><p>James shrugged. "Yeah, she's getting on. It was hard on her this summer, it came as a shock. She was closer to Rudy than Will, but not as much as Bram."</p><p>Slughorn's eyes narrowed. "Willem always was a bit…difficult."</p><p>James was next to positive that not a single one of his classmates was tracking this conversation.</p><p>"Honestly, Professor, you probably know more than me on that."</p><p>Slughorn chortled as he poured himself more wine. "Eh, you're probably right. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something else about Euphie. I heard a <em>rumor</em>"—Slughorn's eyes glittered—"about a certain piece of <em>treasure</em>. You wouldn't happen to <em>know</em> anything about that, would you?"</p><p>The tension sat thick on the table. He could hear Lily breathe.</p><p>"Er—no. I heard a rumor too, but—there wasn't anything to it."</p><p>They actually hadn't confirmed whether the oval sapphire in his mother's inherited jewel collection once belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem, but James wasn't about to tell <em>Slughorn</em> that that investigation was still underway.</p><p>Slughorn was studying him carefully. "I see…Well, it's unfortunate, I won't lie about that, a gem of that value, would have been groundbreaking, you know—but it <em>has</em> been missing for centuries now, should have known…"</p><p>James let him mumble, waiting for Slughorn to move on to the next question. But Slughorn moved on to Lily instead, and James vaguely wondered if the Head Boy note had been a ruse just to ask about the sapphire.</p><p>To his surprise, Slughorn asked Lily about her parents, with detailed questions about their jobs and their lives, like they were continuing a running commentary of updates with news that was only days old. With a pang, James realized he hardly knew anything about Lily's family, other than they were Muggles and she had one sister, with whom she had a strained relationship. But Slughorn only asked about her parents, not mentioning her sister, and James wondered if he had done so on purpose, seeing the genuine smile that lit up her face as she talked about them.</p><p>Done with his questioning of each student, Slughorn swapped dinner plates for dessert, and the conversation somehow turned political. James didn't miss how Edgar, Garrytt, and Aiko stayed silent, watching the discussion amongst Dolohov, James, and Slughorn with furrowed brows. Lily was also silent next to him, though he could sense her shift uncomfortably in her chair as the political chatter skirted around blood purity.</p><p>Dolohov drawled, "I understand some may have thought it was <em>controversial</em>, but the school legislation that was <em>proposed</em>—"</p><p>James cut across him. "Rejected."</p><p>Dolohov turned narrowed eyes toward James. "It was proposed."</p><p>He couldn't help himself. "Technically, it was <em>introduced</em>, and it didn't make it out of committee, which means it was <em>rejected</em>. It's <em>gone</em>."</p><p>Dolohov set his jaw, glaring at James.</p><p>Slughorn cut in, trying to contribute something he obviously thought was neutral. "It had been modeled after similar proposed legislation at the Ministry, I think."</p><p>"Also rejected. Right Bones?"</p><p>Edgar looked surprised at being drawn into the conversation, but his father <em>was</em> the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, so he would have had a direct influence on the fate of that bill. Edgar cleared his throat, then answered, "Er—yes, it—it was rejected before it got to the floor."</p><p>James nodded at him, and Edgar offered a small smile.</p><p>Slughorn was clearly trying to lighten the tense mood that had settled over the table. "We may have some aspiring politicians in our midst, eh? Mr. Dolohov, Mr. Potter, Mr. Bones, you <em>all </em>would be quite well-suited to professions in the Ministry…as would you, Mr. Ollivander, though I presume your career is already settled."</p><p>Garrytt just nodded.</p><p>Edgar chimed in, "It's where I plan to go, Professor. Though, I'm more interested in the Wizengamot—the legal side—than the political side."</p><p>Slughorn beamed at him. "And I dare say your father has already introduced you to Tiberious?"</p><p>Edgar nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I'm to be the British Youth Representative for the spring term."</p><p>"<em>Excellent</em>, excellent…And you, Mr. Potter?" Slughorn's eyes twinkled. "I don't suppose we'll see you in the Department of Magical Law <em>Enforcement</em>, but perhaps somewhere else…?"</p><p>James chuckled good-naturedly. "Actually, I might be in that department"—he didn't miss Edgar's brows lift; would they both be working under his father within a year?—"Auror Office."</p><p>"<em>Ah</em>." He thought Slughorn's eyes looked a little too knowing as they studied him. "Yes, your talents will serve you well there."</p><p>Somehow, James knew that Slughorn was talking about more than just being good at Transfiguration and dueling.</p><p>Slughorn was still talking. "Used to be absurdly competitive, but I hear they're taking in a lot more applicants now, wanting to bolster their ranks rather quickly, what with, well, everything that's, er, going on."</p><p>"That's what Moody said," James told him, and noted the look of surprise on Slughorn's face at the name. "Always need more people in a war."</p><p>The table fell silent, Slughorn opening and closing his mouth stupidly.</p><p>Dolohov spoke first, his voice quiet. "It won't be enough."</p><p>James swung his head around sharply. Dolohov's eyes glittered darkly as we went on, speaking directly to James. "Moody's band of rag-tag soldiers is falling apart by the day. I'd think someone as competitive as <em>you </em>wouldn't want to join the side that's <em>losing</em>."</p><p>James glared at him. "Feeling cocky after your <em>test</em>, eh? Going after people who can't defend themselves make you feel better about yourself?"</p><p>That's when James felt it; Lily's hand on his leg, just above his knee, firm enough to impart a warning.</p><p>Dolohov's eyes narrowed. "Protecting the <em>magical race</em> makes me feel better about myself."</p><p>James saw Dolohov's gaze flicker down, follow the path of where Lily's arm disappeared under the table, toward James' leg, over to the slit up Lily's own leg, milky pale against the rich green fabric of her dress, and a strange look passed over Dolohov's face just then. After what Lily had told him last night, James thought he knew why, and a twisted satisfaction purred in his chest.</p><p>James looked up at Lily, saw her face set as she glared at Dolohov, but then she suddenly withdrew her hand and was reaching for her wine, saying to Slughorn, "You can count on me to skip politics and stick to banking, Professor."</p><p>Slughorn laughed, accepting the change in topic eagerly. "Right you are, m'dear, right you are. And perhaps keep tinkering with Potioneering on the side? You'd be an <em>invaluable </em>addition to the field. Have I told you I've received a new inquiry from <em>New Potioneering</em>?"</p><p>"Not yet, but that's wonderful, sir."</p><p>Conversation about Potions then turned to conversations about the N.E.W.T. classes in general, and though James had been hoping they would be done after dessert, he should have known that Slughorn would offer port and coffee once the dessert plates disappeared.</p><p>"And <em>Defense</em>, tell me, what do you all think of Dearborn this year? I hear he is having you seventh years do more of a <em>practical</em> course."</p><p>Edgar nodded. "Yes sir, there's a duel each class, names get drawn at random. It's certainly an effective way to learn."</p><p>"And have you all dueled?"</p><p>Aiko looked around. "I think I'm the only one who hasn't gone yet. Eddie, you and Dolohov dueled already. James and Lily have both gone—Lily, you've gone <em>twice</em>, you dueled Gare today."</p><p>"Oho!" Slughorn's cheeks were a ruddy pink, his face delighted as he looked between Lily and Garrytt. "Two of the Slug Club, eh? And who won, I wonder?"</p><p>Garrytt smiled charmingly. "I'll give you one guess, Professor."</p><p>Slughorn raised an eyebrow at Lily. "Miss Evans?"</p><p>Lily set her wine down and looked between Garrytt and Slughorn as she said, "Er, yes, I—I won the duel today."</p><p>Slughorn turned his gaze on Garrytt. "You didn't <em>let</em> her win, did you?"</p><p>Garrytt was looking at Lily, a strangely intense expression on his face, as he answered Slughorn. "No, I didn't let her win. Almost had her, actually."</p><p>James got the impression Garrytt was trying to have a subtextual conversation with Lily, and he didn't like it. Not one bit.</p><p>Slughorn was oblivious. "<em>Did</em> you now?"</p><p>"Nah, he didn't."</p><p>Slughorn turned surprised eyes to James, and he wasn't the only one.</p><p>"She let you hit her."</p><p>Garrytt's eyebrows went up so high that one got lost in that stupid styled hair of his. Next to him, James sensed Lily go rigid. He chanced a glance at her; she was already glaring at him, her jaw set, her cheeks pink. He was so right. He had known it as soon as he'd seen it, of course; she had dueled Snape far harder and been less tired, and he had seen her get genuinely hit by Snape when she'd let her emotions get in the way—Garrytt's hit had been intentional, a trap for him to lose his focus by hurting her, and it had bloody worked. James had watched her brace for the hit and had admired the hell out of her for it, though it was obviously soured by the knowledge that Garrytt fancied her for it to have worked, and that Lily knew it, even if they were going to Hogsmeade as <em>just friends</em>.</p><p>Edgar spoke up by Garrytt. "Why would she do that?"</p><p>James looked between Edgar and Garrytt. It wasn't obvious? "To distract him. And it worked."</p><p>Garrytt was studying Lily with a furrowed brow. "But you were tired." He looked at James. "We all saw her face. She slowed down."</p><p>Lily's hand was back on his leg, gripping so tight by his knee that he didn't doubt her knuckles were white. Her legs were no longer crossed, and James reached his hand down to <em>her</em> knee, squeezing bare skin. Two could play this game.</p><p>James swirled his wine in his glass with his other hand as if nothing under the table was amiss.</p><p>"Nah, she wasn't tired." He looked over at Lily, found her glaring at him again. "She was just…<em>faking</em> <em>it</em>. Weren't you, Evans?"</p><p>The flush that crept up her neck was answer enough. James turned back to look from Garrytt, to Edgar, to Dolohov.</p><p>"What, none of you noticed?"</p><p>He let that hang there a moment, taking in the mixture of confusion (Edgar) dawning comprehension (Dolohov) and disbelief (Garrytt) on their faces, then looked back at Lily, smirking at her as he squeezed her leg and said, "You're a good actress, Evans, but you can't fake it for me."</p><p>If looks could kill, he'd be dead in his seat.</p><p>Lily withdrew her hand and found her voice. "The day <em>we</em> have to duel in that bloody class, Potter, whatever pieces of you are left are going to be carried out on a fucking stretcher."</p><p>Only Lily could swear in front of a teacher and get away with it; Slughorn bloody <em>laughed</em>, his hand on his belly as he shook and dabbed his eyes.</p><p>"Oh, Mr. Potter, m'boy, you better watch out, I don't doubt for a second she means it."</p><p>James pulled his own hand away but looked down and winked at her. "Can't wait."</p><p>Slughorn wrapped up the dinner soon after that, perhaps noticing that the mood around the table had thickened with a strange tension. James didn't doubt that his classmates all got the subtext of <em>that</em> conversation, and he could tell from Garrytt's stony expression that the implication of his final comment was not well-received. He also guessed from the amused expression on Dolohov's face that there would probably be rumors by the next morning.</p><p>And he didn't give a flying fuck.</p><p>Slughorn held James and Lily back after saying polite farewells to the others, wanting to gossip with them about younger prefects, students they might think worthy for the Slug Club, as Lily and James were "two of his favorites" (which James found convenient, since he had just started attending these things) and he trusted their judgment as Heads "unquestionably." Lily carried most of that conversation, being more familiar with all of the prefects, but James made sure to throw Emmeline's name in the ring.</p><p>"Miss Vance?" Slughorn's eyebrows raised. "She's always been a quiet student…"</p><p>"She's sharp," James told him. "Quick on her feet. Worth watching, at least."</p><p>Slughorn clapped him on the shoulder, clearly pleased that James was participating in this little game.</p><p>Not long after, James and Lily made their way out of Slughorn's quarters and through the maze of the dungeons in silence. They were just turning a corner into a long corridor with a bare stretch of stone wall that James knew contained the entrance to the Slytherin common room when, up ahead of them, the figures of Dolohov and Snape suddenly emerged into the corridor, being so deep in conversation they didn't notice James and Lily.</p><p>James instinctively put a hand to Lily's mouth and pulled her with him as he backed right back around the corner, his back flush against the wall, listening hard for any sounds of movement from Dolohov and Snape, not daring to peak around the corner in case they had heard a scuffle and were looking in their direction.</p><p>But they didn't seem to have noticed, their voices carrying through the corridor; Dolohov was telling Snape about what James had said at dinner, the reference to his test, and demanding how James could have known that.</p><p>"You didn't slip when you talked to Evans? You didn't mention anything that she would have ran off and told him?"</p><p>Snape's voice sounded cold. "No, I didn't <em>slip</em>. I <em>don't</em> slip, Dolohov, as you well know. And she wouldn't <em>run off and tell him</em> anything."</p><p>"You sure about that, Sev?"</p><p>He could hear the sneer in Snape's voice. "Of <em>course</em> I'm sure—"</p><p>"Then why was her hand on his leg at dinner?"</p><p>James closed his eyes. Shit.</p><p>Snape spluttered. "That doesn't—you saw wrong—"</p><p>"No," Dolohov said cooly, "I didn't, and Dru thinks they might be shagging."</p><p><em>Shit</em>. He and Lily hadn't moved, frozen where they hid just around the corner; she had ended up with her back to his front, his arm holding her securely around the middle while his other hand still rested across her mouth, and the combination of hearing the word <em>shagging</em> while her bum was nestled into his pelvis (a perfect fit, really) was making him harder by the second. She could feel it; he knew by how her spine went rigid, how she shifted (which only made his discomfort worse) to twist her shoulders and glare at him, but he just lifted his hand from her mouth to raise a finger to his lips, shaking his head. She turned her head back around, still rigid but at least not moving. James loosened his arm around her waist, setting his hand on her hip instead, like a silent <em>stay</em>, and returned to listening.</p><p>"—yes, Sev, there's a room on the fifth floor where Potter and Evans both go. Look, I didn't believe Dru either, we all know she's hated him for years, but you didn't see them tonight."</p><p>"What does <em>that </em>mean?"</p><p>"It means they have this <em>tension</em>, Sev. She was wearing this dress with a slit that went practically all the way up her leg, Potter looked like he was about to jump her at the table. And something Potter said…"</p><p>Dolohov trailed off, but James knew exactly the part Dolohov was thinking about.</p><p>"What?" Snape demanded. "What did Potter say?"</p><p>Dolohov sounded frustrated. "I can't—you had to be there—you wouldn't get it."</p><p>So Snape definitely didn't know about Dolohov's history with Lily. Interesting.</p><p>Snape was not to be deterred. "<em>Tell me</em> what Potter said."</p><p>"It doesn't matter what he <em>said</em>. What's important is he implied they'd shagged."</p><p>"She <em>wouldn't do that</em>."</p><p>"Because you know her <em>so well</em>?"</p><p>Snape didn't say anything, and Dolohov went on, "I thought so. Well, change in plan. I don't think Potter's full of hot air on this, I saw the look on her face. We need Dru."</p><p>"Where<em> is</em> Dru?" Snape sounded impatient.</p><p>Dolohov sighed. "Who knows, probably getting sidetrack—"</p><p>But then Drucilla's voice appeared. "Hope you fellas weren't waiting around too long, got stuck chatting with Parkinson—what'd I miss?"</p><p>There was a moment of silence, wherein James guessed Dolohov and Snape were probably sharing a look, and then Dolohov broke it, saying, "I think you're right, Dru. I had Slughorn's dinner tonight, and Potter and Evans were there. They have some weird tension going on. She had her hand on his leg."</p><p>Drucilla gasped. "Wait, <em>really</em>?" James thought she almost sounded disappointed.</p><p>But James stopped paying attention to their words, focusing instead on the new sound of footsteps—that were getting closer. <em>Shit</em>. Shit shit shit. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his wand, and silently Disillusioned both of them; the familiar odd trickling feeling, like an egg being cracked over his head, spread through his limbs, and Lily's start told him she was feeling it, too.</p><p>He watched them both vanish before his eyes, camouflaged with the stone around them, and then Dolohov, Snape, and Drucilla were right at the corner—he could see the flap of Snape's slimy curtain of hair, Drucilla's pinched face—and James didn't know <em>how</em> they could avoid bumping into three Slytherins in a very narrow dungeon corridor, though they obviously <em>needed</em> to—but then Dolohov's brow furrowed and he threw a hand out, stopping the other two.</p><p>"Wait—wrong way. We're meeting in the second-year classroom, remember? Mixing it up each time?"</p><p>"Oh yeah," Drucilla said.</p><p>Fucking <em>amateurs</em>. But thank Merlin they were. They were turning, they were out of sight, and their footsteps were receding, and Lily slumped back into him in relief, her head resting back on his shoulder, as they both released the breath they had been holding.</p><p>The footsteps were growing distant, the Slytherins' voices sounding much farther away.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>," Lily whispered. He slid his hand from her hip back to around her middle, holding her closer to him, letting his own spine relax, still breathing hard. To his surprise, Lily snaked an arm up to his neck, holding onto him lightly. "That was close."</p><p><em>Close</em>. Fuck. He <em>felt</em> stupidly close; if she stuck her hand down his trousers right then, she'd probably have him in seconds.</p><p>"Evans—"</p><p>"Having a <em>hard time</em> tonight, Potter?"</p><p>If that's how she wanted to play it, fine. He reached down to run his fingers up her thigh through the slit of her dress, then murmured, "Isn't that what you wanted?"</p><p>He heard her sharp intake of breath, but she didn't pull away; she <em>arched</em>. Her back lifted, her bum nestled in deeper, her head pressed more firmly into his shoulder. He was painfully hard now, aching for her, intoxicated by the feel of her curves, her dress slippery under his fingers.</p><p>"<em>Evans</em>—"</p><p>Lily abruptly turned around, pressing her front against his as she whispered harshly, "I should skin you alive for that fucking show you just put on."</p><p>James spun her around, pinning her against the stone wall.</p><p>"Tell me I'm wrong," he whispered back. "Tell me you weren't faking it today. Tell me you didn't let him hit you on purpose so you'd get an opening to win."</p><p>He could hear her breathe hard through her nose.</p><p>"You had <em>no right</em> to tell them—"</p><p>"The truth? About the duel today?"</p><p>"You know <em>exactly</em> what you implied, you fucking prat—"</p><p>"What? I'm serious, I saw right through you."</p><p>"Oh, <em>fuck</em> you."</p><p>"You did yesterday."</p><p>"Is this really how you plan on <em>chasing</em> me, Potter?"</p><p>He reached a hand down to her leg through the slit in her dress. "Tell me you don't like that I see right through you. Tell me you don't like that I notice what they don't."</p><p>Her fingers curled into the front of his shirt, but she didn't say anything, and he knew he had her. He slid his hand up her leg, under her dress, hooking his thumb under the thin line of knickers he found at her hip. Her gasp was hot on his cheek.</p><p>"Tell me you don't like how I go after what I want."</p><p>"Fucking <em>arrogant</em>—"</p><p>He sought her cheek with his nose, then ducked his mouth towards her ear as he squeezed her hip. "Yeah, I fucking am. So are you, wearing this fucking dress when you knew exactly what it would do to me."</p><p>She sucked in a breath. "And what does it do to you, Potter?"</p><p>He pushed her hips against the wall, feeling her ear under his lips and a soft wisp of hair against his skin as he whispered, "It makes me need to fuck you, Evans."</p><p>Her hands pulled tighter at his shirt, tugging it free from his trousers, and her breath seemed shallow. "You know," she breathed, "I <em>hate</em> how much it turns me on when you're like this."</p><p>He grinned, pulling up her dress to pool around her waist. "Like what, Evans?"</p><p>"Fucking <em>jealous</em> and <em>territorial</em>—"</p><p>"Hey, I kept my jinxes to myself."</p><p>Lily's hand was suddenly <em>cupping</em> him, squeezing him through his trousers, and he hissed at the contact, feeling her breath on his own ear as she whispered, "<em>Next</em> <em>time</em>, keep your double entendres to yourself, too, or <em>I</em> might be the one jinxing these <em>off</em>."</p><p>He smiled against her skin. "Fuck, I love it when you're bossy."</p><p>Lily hands went to his belt, her lips seeking his throat. James muffled a groan, following the trail of her knickers, pushing them aside and slipping two fingers into her, finding her already wet for him.</p><p>"Damn, Evans," he whispered. "You really <em>do</em> like me being territorial for you."</p><p>"Shut up and fuck me, Potter."</p><p>He didn't need to be told twice. Reaching under her bum, he lifted her up, feeling her legs wrap around him, and he pressed her against the stone wall, sliding inside her and rocking into her gently, not wanting to make a lot of noise, and also not wanting to hurt her back against the rough stone, and they sank into a rolling rhythm, her hands buried in his hair while she made soft mewling noises in his ear.</p><p>"Fuck, Evans." He kept his voice to a whisper. "I'm not gonna last. You feel too good. I've been wanting you ever since I first saw you in that dress."</p><p>Her teeth nipped his ear. "Make me come, Potter."</p><p>Fuck, he <em>really</em> loved her when she got bossy.</p><p>He smiled, searching for any skin where he could place a kiss, finding what he thought was her throat. "I'll always make you come, Evans."</p><p>He heard a low noise, something in the back of her throat, and he wished desperately that he could see her face just then. But time was running out, and he needed to focus.</p><p>"Tell me what you need. Is this angle gonna get you?"</p><p>She shimmied against him, grinding her hips around him in more of a circular motion, using her wrapped legs as leverage. "Like this."</p><p>He met her rhythm, only holding in his groan by clenching his jaw so hard he thought his teeth might crack. "<em>Fuck</em>, Lily."</p><p>"<em>James</em>—yes—<em>fuck</em>—faster—I'm close."</p><p>Her hands were pulling his hair, her arms cradling around his head, and he lifted his face, seeking her mouth as increased his pace for her. She whimpered as she kissed him, then broke away to whisper, "J, <em>fuck</em>, I'm <em>right there</em>."</p><p>James dug his fingers into her arse, moved against her with more intensity than he had before as he whispered savagely into her ear: "Yeah, Lily—you go—on your fucking <em>friend date</em>—with a bloke—who fucking <em>fancies</em> you—and you <em>think</em>—about me—about <em>this</em>—the whole <em>fucking</em> time."</p><p>She whimpered against him, clutching him tighter, wriggling to meet him.</p><p>"You tell yourself—whatever <em>excuses</em> you want—but we <em>both</em> know—I'm the <em>only</em> one—who makes you come."</p><p>Her fingers tightened in his hair, her muscles clenching around him, and her mouth was back over her ear as she hissed back, "I <em>will</em>, James—I <em>will</em> think about you—because you're the <em>only</em> one—who I <em>want</em> to make me come—so if you're <em>done</em>—being a jealous <em>prat</em>—shut <em>up</em> and <em>do</em> it."</p><p>James was floored. Sure, she had just admitted her feelings for him the night before, but something about her intensity just then, those words—<em>I will think about you</em>—<em>I want</em>—hit him in a new way, and something like triumph, like <em>happiness</em>, purred in his chest as he moved against her how she'd said she wanted with a new focus, holding her under her legs to help her get the leverage she needed.</p><p>She bit into his shoulder, muffling her moan, and James whispered, "That's it, baby, <em>come</em>."</p><p>He said it knowingly this time, his old fantasies of her merging with reality in a dizzying deja vu, and felt her clutch at his hair as she contracted around him.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, Lil. Come on."</p><p>She contracted again, and it was a miracle he held on through the sensation of her clenching around him. He was dangerously close, swollen for her.</p><p>"C'mere, kiss me when you come."</p><p>He could feel her face lift from his shoulder, seek his own, and their lips brushed, finding each other. Lily gasped just then, one last frantic, "<em>James!</em>" and her mouth was crushing against his as she spasmed around him, his chest purring with the hit of pleasure he got from making her come, and he thrust into her with quick, shallow strokes, knowing he was right at his edge, beyond desperate for release, and then his own face was scrunching as he crushed his mouth back against hers, his own pressure breaking, and he thrust into her deeper, holding at the top and pushing her harder against he wall. He rocked into her gently as he came, and he could tell when Lily felt it because she brought her hands to his cheeks and cradled his face and squeezed her legs tighter around him, like she was pulling him in deeper.</p><p>At some point, as they clutched each other through the aftershocks, the crush of their mouths turned into a real kiss, lingering and heady, tongues dancing with each other in slow exploration. They kept snogging, even as James slowly set Lily on the ground and pulled out of her, making her gasp against his mouth, and they might have <em>still</em> kept snogging, if not for the distant sound of a door.</p><p>James pulled back, senses suddenly hyper-alert, but no other noise followed, and he suddenly felt staggeringly disoriented, remembering, after having spent so many minutes with his eyes closed, that he couldn't <em>see</em> her.</p><p>Lily didn't say anything, but he could hear her breathing, could picture her standing there in as much shock as he was. He silently started tucking himself back in and doing up his trousers, heard the rustle of her shaking out her dress, and then he found her hand.</p><p>"Come on," he whispered. "We should head back upstairs."</p><p>He pulled her along quietly behind him, through winding dungeon corridors, up onto the main level, and then to one of the elf passages that would lead them up to the seventh floor. Once inside the elf passage, he lifted their Disillusionment Charms.</p><p>His throat immediately closed at the sight of her. She was still stunning—and she looked like she had just been thoroughly ravished. Her hair was tousled, her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen, and now that he was looking at that dress, seeing the curve of how it fit around her waist and then over her bum, he could hardly believe that <em>that</em> was the body he had been shagging against the dungeon wall while invisible, and he vaguely thought that had he been able to see, he definitely wouldn't have lasted as long as he had managed.</p><p>She was staring at him, shock written across her face. "James—"</p><p>James realized he was still holding her hand, and he gave it a squeeze. "Later. Let's get upstairs, yeah?"</p><p>She nodded, and, to his surprise, let him pull her along by the hand up the long, winding staircase of the passage. It took several minutes to climb the elf passage staircase straight through to the seventh floor landing; they were both moving slowly by the end, trudging with weary legs, and when they got to the top, James immediately dropped her hand and sat heavily on the top stair. Lily followed him, threading hands into her hair as she dropped her head between her knees, breathing hard.</p><p>Eventually she looked up at him, her eyes wide as she asked, "Did we just—"</p><p>James grinned and chuckled softly. "Shag while invisible? Yeah."</p><p>Lily laughed breathlessly, her head tipping back as she brought her hands to her face. James laughed with her, putting an arm around her and bending to kiss her head.</p><p>She cast a look up at him through her lashes, her eyes flashing mischievously. "Feeling <em>better</em>, Potter?"</p><p>He smirked, biting his lip as he said, "Yeah, Evans. Back to normal."</p><p>She rolled her eyes and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "<em>Boys</em>," as if she knew full well he'd just needed to work out his jealousy all over the dungeon corridor, and he realized with a jolt that she might see through him as well as he saw through her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Go Old School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily was in even bigger trouble. First, because she still couldn't pay attention in class, because she was now thinking about how she had had sex with James Potter <em>again</em>.</p><p>She'd known that dress would be dangerous, but she had truly only anticipated causing some innocent sexual frustration at the dinner table—never in her wildest dreams had she imagined they'd end up shagging while Disillusioned in a low-lit dungeon corridor. But the joke was on her, because she had felt the charged air with him the entire dinner. She had thought him teaching himself N.E.W.T. material was the height of his sexiness? Psh. She had been so naive. She hadn't seen him school Dolohov on matters of school board and Ministry procedure. She hadn't seen that one-dimpled smile apparently reserved for sweet-talking professors in posh, polite conversation. She hadn't seen him pour a glass of wine.</p><p>And now she <em>had</em> seen those things, and even after his little subtextual stunt, she was still thinking about those things, to the point that she could hardly pay attention to the Arithmancy lecture happening in front of her, which involved a geometrical component of the calculation they were learning and which was sending her into a silent tailspin because that <em>word</em> had been thrown around constantly since the beginning of class, part of literally almost every sentence, in nearly every step of every example, making her ears practically ring to the point where she couldn't hear anything else.</p><p>Angle.</p><p>
  <em>Is this angle gonna get you?</em>
</p><p>Who knew the smallest degree of adjustment, the slightest change in pressure, could make her body implode like that? And who knew it would be so indescribably sexy to hear him say that one simple word?</p><p>Because as soon as he'd said it, something had clicked in her brain. The reason why all of her past sexual experiences had been rather lack-luster; the element those other boys had missed.</p><p><em>Angles</em>.</p><p>And James understood their precision.</p><p>He had understood them when he'd touched her with fingers slanting and curling just so, and he had understood them in front of the fire, when he slipped that pillow under her back and shifted over her just so, and he had understood them last night, when he asked—<em>asked!</em>—what angle she needed and then matched her there, just so.</p><p>It had been exhilarating. With James, a new door had opened, an understanding taking root deep within her being. <em>This</em> is what sex was. Not a boy huffing on top of you while he sporadically thrust like a maniac until he came and went limp as a fish. <em>This</em>. Rhythmic hips. Deliberate thrusts. Controlled speed. Dirty whispers. Prolonged spasms. <em>Angles</em>.</p><p>Merlin, she loved math.</p><p>But there was another reason she was in trouble. Because somehow—she had no idea how—James had managed to leave her a note in her Arithmancy book, waiting for her on exactly the page they were starting at that day.</p><p>
  <em>Hi Evans. Two questions for you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>1. Have you been thinking about what I</em>
  <em>'ve been thinking about all day? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>2. Are we going to keep this streak going?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope both answers are yes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- J</em>
</p><p>She had had to fake a coughing fit when Remus saw her go red in the face, though she wasn't sure if it had been very convincing given that she'd also slapped her hand over the note like she had just smashed an insect. Ever the courteous friend, Remus had just raised his eyebrows and returned his eyes to his own book with a smirk, letting her attempt to collect herself in relative privacy.</p><p>And so it was that she spent all of Arithmancy only able to think about angles of the sexual variety, and also puzzling over her other quandary: that morning, she had woken up with her period.</p><p>Periods were another one of those funny things that witches couldn't escape just because they could do magic, and though the wizarding world did provide girls the ability to have a simple and perfectly effective contraceptive potion on owl-order, a tampon was still a tampon, even if it came equipped with absorption charms and laced with de-cramping properties.</p><p>And it also still prevented the possibility of a certain <em>streak</em> continuing. A streak which Lily was somewhat disturbed to find herself desperately <em>wanting</em> to continue. Rats.</p><p>If Remus knew about the note, he feigned ignorance, and if he really was ignorant, Lily wasn't about to enlighten him, so once class was over, they started their trek back to Gryffindor Tower in slightly awkward silence. But as soon as they had cleared earshot of anyone else, Lily realized Remus had been quiet for a different reason as he leaned toward her and said in a low voice, "Your first mission's tonight."</p><p>Her eyes snapped over to him. "A…mission?"</p><p>He was smiling at her, clearly beyond amused at how <em>new</em> this all was for her. "Yes, Lily. A mission."</p><p>"Tonight?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"But it's <em>Friday</em>."</p><p>Remus looked at her blankly. "Yes."</p><p>"So we all usually hang out on Fridays. I've barely seen Marly lately."</p><p>He just shrugged. "You'll see her tomorrow, won't you? She said you girls are going shopping for awhile?"</p><p>Lily chewed her lip. "Well, yes, but—"</p><p>"Lily." Remus stopped, put a hand on her shoulder, and for the first time he sounded almost…<em>stern</em>. "Missions aren't always <em>convenient</em>. We can't <em>choose</em> when our targets meet up. You're an <em>operative</em> now, yeah?"</p><p>Lily didn't know whether to bust up laughing or bow her head in shame, so she settled for nodding her head and chewing her lip some more to bite back her smile. Remus snorted, chuckling to himself as he started walking again.</p><p>"Fuck, your <em>face</em>."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Well just give your <em>operative</em> a heart attack, why don't you?"</p><p>Remus chucked her on the shoulder. "When we get back, drop off your stuff and get changed, and then make up some excuse to come up to our dorm before dinner, we'll fill you in. Oh, and wear something comfortable. Like, something you could sit in for a few hours."</p><p>Lily cast him a sideways glance. What the bloody hell had she gotten herself into?</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>She ended up choosing to wear a pair of leggings and a black oversized knit that just covered her bum and was exceptionally cozy, and then she ended up telling the girls that she had forgotten to catch James up on some Heads' business that she couldn't discuss at dinner, to which they raised curious brows but conveniently couldn't pry because they all knew Head students were told confidential information that was usually reserved for teachers, and then she had to take a moment to gather herself before knocking on their dormitory door, it all hitting her in a rush that she was about to see James for the first time since the night before, and then the door swung back in a flourish and Lily jumped practically out of her skin, to the amusement of Sirius Black, who grinned down at her from the doorway and held up a piece of parchment covered with minuscule, moving dots.</p><p>"Saw you arrive."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes and pushed past him.</p><p>"Weren't trying to eavesdrop on us, I hope," he told her. "Though you wouldn't be able to anyway, we keep the door silenced."</p><p>Lily started to retort, "<em>No</em>, I wasn't <em>eavesdropping</em>, I was just—"</p><p>But then she cut off, realizing she might not want to finish that sentence out loud, as all four of them were arranged in somewhat of a circle, and they were all looking at her.</p><p>Sirius's expression looked too amused. "Just what?"</p><p>Lily shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest, deciding to humble herself a little.</p><p>"Just psyching myself up, I guess. <em>First</em> <em>mission</em> and all that."</p><p>Remus grinned at her, and Peter, closest to her, gave her a nice pat on the back.</p><p>"You'll do great, Lily."</p><p>A voice she'd recognize anywhere: "Well, you certainly look the part."</p><p>Lily turned to look at him. She had managed to avoid looking at him thus far, and now she wished she could have avoided it a little longer. He was sitting on his trunk, casually leaning against the footboard of his bed, hair messy, playful grin on his face, and he too was clad in all black, wearing joggers and a plain black hoodie. Somehow, out of his usual school clothes and in a more athletic ensemble, he looked even more criminally good. Lily's stomach flipped over.</p><p>"Yeah," Sirius chuckled. "Did Remus tell you to wear all black?"</p><p>"No," Remus interjected, "I only told her to be comfortable, the fact that she chose all black just confirms she's the best operative for the job."</p><p>He winked at her.</p><p>Lily's gaze landed back on James, and she watched his eyes travel over her before saying simply, "Great minds."</p><p>She tried not to flush.</p><p>"So." Sirius clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Evans, I'll get you up to speed. We found out some of the Slytherins are hanging out in the Astronomy Tower tonight, putting on a little party, because it's two Slytherin prefects who're on rounds."</p><p>Lily scowled. "Who?"</p><p>Sirius cocked a brow. "<em>I</em> don't know, <em>you</em> made the schedule, Head Girl."</p><p>Perhaps seeing her retort coming, Remus interjected quickly. "And <em>maybe</em>, after tonight, we might want to pair Slytherins together a little more <em>often</em>, see if that…<em>helps</em>."</p><p>Lily nodded and turned back to Sirius with a sigh. "Okay, they're flouting duty, go on."</p><p>"So you and Prongs are going in."</p><p>Lily's mouth fell open. "We're <em>what</em>?"</p><p>Peter spoke up next to her. "You're spying. On their party. They'll be bound to talk if they're drinking."</p><p>Lily looked back and forth between them, not missing that James couldn't stop smiling.</p><p>"And how <em>exactly</em> are <em>we</em> supposed to <em>infiltrate</em> a Slytherin party?"</p><p>James shook his head. "Not infiltrate. Not yet, anyway."</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "Not <em>yet</em>? As in, we might <em>someday</em>?"</p><p>Sirius chimed, "All options on the table, Swish."</p><p>"So, if we're not infiltrating…"</p><p>James chuckled. "We're gonna go old school."</p><p>Lily looked at him blankly. "I don't follow."</p><p>He reached around to his bed, then held out his hand toward her—only his hand had disappeared.</p><p>"What—"</p><p>"Take it. See for yourself."</p><p>Flummoxed, Lily took a couple steps and reached out towards where his hand should be and gasped as she felt something smooth as glass slide through her fingers.</p><p>"Is <em>this</em>—"</p><p>"An invisibility cloak," James answered.</p><p>Her hands and forearms had disappeared where the cloak lay over them. Lily looked up at him with wide eyes. "But these are <em>rare</em>—"</p><p>He nodded. "This one's my dad's. It's sort of a family heirloom."</p><p>Understanding dawned on her, and she looked around to the other three. "This is how you…<em>do</em> things."</p><p>They all just grinned at her. She swung her eyes back to James. "So what, we just…creep around and listen?"</p><p>He smiled. "That's about the gist of it, yeah."</p><p>His eyes were twinkling behind his glasses, catching the last rays of the setting sun through one of their windows. Under the heat of his gaze, she suddenly felt…<em>shy</em>. Last night, she had been buzzed off red wine and the smolder of James's presence around that tense table and the sensation of him pressing into her backside while they found themselves (once again) in a rather perilous situation, and the result of all that was that she had been more forward, more <em>aggressive</em>, than she'd ever been with a boy in her life. She knew she had a temper, knew sharp words were quick to rise on her tongue, but never before had she literally grabbed a boy by the balls while she told him off, let alone <em>liked</em> it. It had unnerved her a little. And now, seeing him in daylight, in casual clothes, completely sober and surrounded by his friends, she felt slightly embarrassed, plus suddenly <em>nervous</em> knowing she was now being sent to spend a night with him. In close quarters. Under an invisibility cloak.</p><p>She arched a brow back at Sirius. "And you need <em>me</em> for this particular mission <em>why</em>?"</p><p>His grin was sly, like he knew what she was really fishing about. "Because if you have to blow your cover, you can act like you guys got a tip-off and bust them all for being there."</p><p>She sent a pointed look to James. "And you can't do this old school stake-out by yourself?"</p><p>But it was Sirius who answered. "We work in pairs, always."</p><p>Lily turned back to look at him and saw he was being completely serious.</p><p>"Core tenet of being a Marauder, you never leave another Marauder without backup. No way we'd just send one into that hornet's nest."</p><p>An odd wave of something like admiration flushed through her as she heard the sincerity in his voice. It was moving, how deeply they cared for one another, how they looked out for one another.</p><p>"And," Sirius went on, "we'll be in the common room, watching on the map, in case you need backup. We'll put it out that you two got called away on Heads' stuff, some issue with rounds. People won't suspect."</p><p>Lily nodded, accepting the plan. They really had thought of everything. Silence fell as they all looked at each other, and then Sirius said, "So, I guess that's it. Try not to get caught. Or fucking distracted."</p><p>Lily felt the initial warmth of a flush start to creep around her neck. Sirius flashed her a wicked grin. "Or should I say, distracted fucking?"</p><p>Her mouth fell open, her face burning, and she mustered as angry a look as she could. Had James <em>told </em>him? Had he told <em>all</em> of them?</p><p>"<em>Kidding</em>," Remus exclaimed, eyes wide with alarm as he looked between Sirius and Lily. "He's kidding. That was a joke."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, made sure to throw one last scathing look at all of them, ending with James, and then huffed, "I'm going to dinner," and turned to stalk out the door.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>"Did you tell Sirius about…us?"</p><p>It was the first question out of her mouth several hours later as soon as they cleared earshot of the Fat Lady, and James flashed her a knowing grin as he swept his gaze around them, making sure there was no one coming up the stairs to Gryffindor Landing, and no one else coming out of the portrait hole.</p><p>"No," James told her. "But sometimes he knows me better than I know myself, so I can't blame him if he could just tell. Ready?"</p><p>But without waiting for her reply, he swirled the cloak over the both of them. Lily gasped as she felt it settle softly around her shoulders, then felt another jolt of surprise as she still saw James looking down at her, hazel eyes crinkling behind his glasses.</p><p>"It doesn't—we can still—"</p><p>His voice was low, almost a whisper. "Yeah. Why do you think I suggested it?"</p><p>Lily blushed. James slid an arm around her shoulders and started steering her down the stairs, to the seventh floor, leaning down towards her ear to murmur, "People can still hear us, even if they can't see us, and they can still hit us with spells if they wanted to, so keep that in mind."</p><p>Lily breathed back a quiet, "Okay," and understood why he hurried them down the stairs when, at the bottom, they faced their first encounter with other people: a clump of fifth year girls. James slid them toward the corner, pulling her tighter against him under his arm. It was close; the girls moved in a pack, and had they been on the stairs, they might not have been able to avoid them. Lily held her breath.</p><p>As the girls neared them, Lily heard the threads of a conversation. "Just tell us, Emmy, come <em>on</em>. Who has the best abs?"</p><p>Lily's hands flung to cover her mouth. Emmeline was blushing. "They're my <em>teammates</em>, Gwen."</p><p>"Yeah, and they're the sexiest guys in the <em>school</em>." The girl, Gwen, ticked her fingers. "Sirius Black. Ludo Bagman. Kingsley Shacklebolt. <em>James Potter</em>."</p><p>Another girl chimed in. "I bet it's James. With arms like that? No way his abs aren't amazing."</p><p>Emmeline rolled her eyes. "I'm <em>not</em> gossiping about them like this, or I won't be able to even <em>look</em> at them all in practice."</p><p>Gwen wasn't giving up. "Is Potter seeing anyone? Hogsmeade's tomorrow."</p><p>Emmeline said simply, "I don't talk to them about stuff like that."</p><p>"Maybe you could ask him? Like, casual. Just find out for me?"</p><p>Emmeline gave her friend an annoyed look. "<em>No</em>, Gwen. He's my captain, I'm not prying. Figure it out yourself if you really want to know."</p><p>Gwen huffed as they started up the stairs. "Bloody load of help <em>you</em> are."</p><p>Lily felt the tug of James's arm pulling them along now that the coast was clear, and she looked up at him to find him grinning.</p><p>"What d'you think, Evans? Whose abs are best?"</p><p>She pinched his side as she hissed, "Is this how your head got so inflated? You snuck around and creeped on girls salivating over you?"</p><p>"Didn't really need to creep around to know about that, Evans."</p><p>Ugh, he was so insufferably <em>right</em>. Girls had all but flung themselves at him and Sirius since the prior year. Well, actually, some <em>had</em> literally flung themselves, though Lily thought they were probably under the influence at the time of said literal flinging.</p><p>"And you didn't answer the question."</p><p>"I'd need to see the others' abs to give an honest assessment."</p><p>"You have seen them—Prefects' Bathroom."</p><p>Oh, yeah. She had. "Doesn't mean I noticed."</p><p>He gave her a little squeeze under his arm, and Lily didn't have to look up at him to know he liked that answer.</p><p>As they strolled down the corridor toward the entrance to the Astronomy Tower, Lily had a surreal moment of realizing that she had just walked all the way from Gryffindor Landing with James's arm around her shoulders. She'd barely noticed. It had just felt…natural. She <em>liked</em> it. And now that they were cleared of any other people, and she felt more comfortable being under the cloak, she also realized that she had assumed he'd put his arm around her as some part of Official Cloak Wearing, like they had to get closer, or he had to steer her, or <em>something</em>. But that was bollocks. He'd just wanted to put his arm around her, and she'd let him, and now they'd walked that whole stretch and learned how perfectly she fit under his arm, and she hadn't worried once about what other people would think because no one could <em>see</em> them, so no one would <em>know</em>, and as he slid his arm away to press his ear against the Astronomy Tower door, Lily's first thought was that she wanted it back.</p><p>Oh, Merlin. She was getting into even more trouble.</p><p>She wasn't sure <em>what</em> James thought he'd be able to hear through that thick mahogany door, but he clearly hadn't heard anything that concerned him, because with another glance around them to make sure the coast was clear, he opened it slowly and then started to quietly creep inside. Lily followed him, and he shut the door silently behind them before turning and making his way slowly along the underside of the rafters. He paused, listening, and then Lily heard it: the sounds of light voices, chuckling, the crinkle and hiss of paper rolling and lighting, the small <em>pop!</em> of a bottle uncorking.</p><p>"Over there," he whispered. "Probably as close as we can get."</p><p>They picked a spot against the wall where it looked, from the shadows through the rafters above them, that the Slytherins were in that area, and Lily could just picture them lounging on the stone parapet amongst open bottles and rolled joints. In a coordinated move, James swirled the cloak around so it draped over their heads and down their fronts, and they sat with backs against the wall, knees up, arms pressed together.</p><p>"Comfy?"</p><p>Thank Merlin she had chosen this sweater, because it's chunkiness protected her back from the rough stone wall behind her. "Yeah, fine."</p><p>"Well, welcome to your first stake-out, Evans."</p><p>"It's so fun already," she said dryly.</p><p>He smiled. "It will be. Because you're with me."</p><p>She looked up at him through her lashes, feeling half-annoyed and half-pleased. The bloody bastard was right, and he knew it, and <em>she</em> knew it. Because James Potter was <em>fun</em>. And where a few weeks ago she had been ready to vehemently deny that fact, now she found herself rather intrigued.</p><p>"Is this your idea of an Astronomy Tower date? Squished under the rafters?"</p><p>"Not quite." He grinned at her. "I don't know if you're ready for my Astronomy Tower date, Evans."</p><p>"Oh, and why's that?"</p><p>He shrugged. "You'll just have to wait and see."</p><p>"That assumes I'll be waiting."</p><p>"You will be. Eagerly."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Someone's confident."</p><p>He looked down at her pointedly, a smirk playing at his mouth. "I <em>am</em> a Chaser, Evans."</p><p>She turned to face front, muttering, "<em>Arrogant prat</em>," under her breath.</p><p>He chuckled quietly and put his hand on her thigh as he leaned down to her ear. "Let's play a game."</p><p>She looked up at him; he was close enough to kiss. "A game?"</p><p>He nodded and whispered, "Yeah, they're being boring up there, just smoking." He spread his fingers against her thigh, then murmured, "Never have I ever slept over in the girls' dorm."</p><p>Though her mind raced with that new knowledge, Lily gave him an immediate Look as she hissed, "That's hardly fair, I'm immediately down one."</p><p>He just shrugged. "'S how the game works, Evans."</p><p>"Fine," she huffed, resting her own hand against her other leg and putting a finger down. "Then never have <em>I</em> ever slept ov—"</p><p>She cut off, realizing that was no longer true. She <em>had</em> slept over—in James's bed.</p><p>He was grinning, eyes twinkling. "That was your first time…sleeping over?"</p><p>Lily nodded, suddenly feeling a bit shy, but then she forced her attention back on the game. "Okay. Um, never have I ever had drunk sex."</p><p>James's brow furrowed. "We had a lot of wine last night."</p><p>Lily's breath caught for a second. It was their first real spoken acknowledgement that approximately twenty-four hours prior, he had been shagging her against a wall in a dungeon corridor. Heat pooled in her stomach.</p><p>Lily wrenched her thoughts back to the game, shaking her head. "Tipsy isn't drunk, we were in control. I mean like…<em>drunk</em>. Like maybe don't remember it happening."</p><p>He grimaced and put a finger down, then answered her unspoken question. "Ladie."</p><p>Lily didn't say anything, not sure if she even wanted to pry, though she knew he'd probably tell her if she asked.</p><p>But then the moment passed, and James was saying, "Never have I ever been on a date in Madam Puddifut's."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes and put a finger down. "That's also unfair, you <em>know</em> Eddie and I went there every Hogsmeade weekend."</p><p>James shrugged. "It's the truth, I've never gone on a date there. Never really wanted to."</p><p>"Well, you're not missing anything," Lily grumbled.</p><p>James chuckled softly. "Why's that?"</p><p>"It's just a little cliché, you know?"</p><p>"So why'd you guys go all the time?"</p><p>Lily shrugged. "That's just Eddie. He did everything by the book."</p><p>"And did you…like that?"</p><p>Lily met his gaze, saw something thoughtful behind his glasses. "In some ways, yeah. I guess I did." She cleared her throat. "But I could never set foot in Madam Puddifut's again and be perfectly happy. Anyway. Erm, never have I ever…hooked up in the library."</p><p>Now it was James's turn to give her a Look. "<em>That's</em> unfair, you're only saying that because you heard that damn story Ladie spread around."</p><p>Lily smirked at him. "It's the truth, I never have."</p><p>James's look just then spelled payback. "Never have I ever had sex with a Hufflepuff."</p><p>She scowled at him, though she filed that little tidbit away. "Never have I ever had oral sex in the Trophy Room."</p><p>He rolled his eyes as he put another finger down; Adelaide hadn't even needed to spread that one, as they'd been seen, and the student body had immediately latched to the story of Adelaide dropping to her knees and giving James a blow job right in front of his special services plaque and Quidditch trophy. Lily had always found that story rather disgusting and held onto it very tightly when she wanted to dwell on her hatred for him, but now James had the good grace to at least look a little ashamed by it.</p><p>They each had two fingers left.</p><p>James looked at her apprehensively for a moment, but his desire to know must have won out, because he said, "Never have I ever gone down on a bloke."</p><p>Lily put a finger down, and she wasn't sure entirely what possessed her to say it, but she sensed he was wondering and even sort of wanted him to know, so she told him, "Only Eddie."</p><p>His face didn't betray any reaction. She held his gaze. "Never have I ever gone down on a girl."</p><p>She felt James tuck a finger under against her leg. "Only Dahlia."</p><p><em>That</em> was a surprise. Lily had assumed he had done just about everything with Adelaide, but now that she thought about it, she had never heard a story about that, and surely if it had happened, there would have been one. Knowing he'd only done that for Dahlia, who had also been the only girl to be a girlfriend, was intriguing but also stirred some of that distant roiling feeling she hadn't felt in awhile.</p><p>They each had one finger left.</p><p>James was quiet for a moment—thinking of something he hadn't done? Trying to think of what else he'd heard about her?</p><p>"Never have I ever been in love with someone I've dated."</p><p>Her stomach flipped, her heart suddenly beating more rapidly in her chest. <em>What?</em> He really just <em>went there</em>? He was watching her, waiting for her reaction. Lily's mind raced. Had she been in love with Edgar? They'd never said those words to each other. She'd felt courted, and appreciated, and plenty of other happy, nice feelings, but had she been <em>in love</em>?</p><p>She shook her head slightly, her voice barely more than a breath. "I haven't either."</p><p>The ghost of a smile played at his lips, but he just said, "Your turn, Evans."</p><p>Just then, the door to the Astronomy Tower swung open so violently it crashed into the wall, and a slight figure with flapping robes and lanky hair swept up the stairs to the upper landing.</p><p>Avery's voice sounded startled. "Merlin, Sev. What's got your knickers in a twist?"</p><p>Lily heard the oily tone to Severus's voice, something he seemed to add when he talked to Slytherins but never used to have before, as he snarled, "Perhaps the fact that you've all lost your heads and turned into a group of <em>imbeciles</em>, trying to have a <em>meeting</em> on the top of the <em>Astronomy Tower</em>."</p><p>Avery and Mulciber were laughing, and Drucilla sounded annoyed as she said, "Sit the fuck down, Sev. It's a <em>party</em>. And Reg and I are rounds tonight, so no one's going to catch us."</p><p>Dolohov's voice floated softly. "Don't tell me you're still upset about last night, Sev."</p><p>Lily's stomach twisted in a knot.</p><p>"I don't get why you care, anyway. So what if they have a thing?"</p><p>Snape didn't answer, and Lily could just <em>see</em> him in her mind, seething and hurt.</p><p>Avery's voice piped up. "Where's the Mudblood tonight?"</p><p>Drucilla answered lazily, "Common room."</p><p>Mulciber asked, "Does she ever <em>leave</em>?"</p><p>Drucilla sighed. "Not as much as last year. Her not going to the library as often is a real drag."</p><p>Regulus spoke up for the first time, his voice cold and pinched. "I think we need to switch it up."</p><p>Dolohov sounded intrigued. "What d'you mean?"</p><p>"I<em> mean</em>, Drucilla's little informants aren't actually getting us enough information, and we're wasting time. We should do a proper tail."</p><p>Lily froze. James had kept his hand on her leg, just above her knee, and now he squeezed, something reassuring. Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath.</p><p>Snape responded, "I agree. We can take turns, set up shifts."</p><p><em>What?</em> Set up <em>shifts?</em> To follow her <em>around?</em></p><p>Regulus drawled, "Aren't going to hog them all for yourself, now, are you Sev?"</p><p>The Slytherins tittered.</p><p>Mulciber chimed, "Maybe you'll even get a show if you catch her with Potter."</p><p>Drucilla scoffed. "As if it'd be that <em>good</em>."</p><p>Avery laughed. "Not getting jealous of a Mudblood, are we, Dru?"</p><p>"As if she'd have anything to be jealous <em>of</em>, Art."</p><p>"I don't know," Mulciber teased. "Bitch looks like she has some nice tits."</p><p>James went even more rigid next to her, but then he leaned down to her ear and whispered, "And something tells me he has a small dick."</p><p>Lily clapped a hand over her mouth, trying to desperately stifle giggles that they could not afford to allow escape.</p><p>Snape sounded annoyed. "And <em>apparently</em> none of <em>you</em> can keep your <em>focus</em>."</p><p>Dolohov let out a long exhale, then said, "Relax, Sev. We'll do the tail, we'll keep it to a small group. Let's set it up tomorrow, yeah? Compare schedules."</p><p>Snape must have acquiesced, because then he turned on his heels and came right back down the stairs and through the Astronomy Tower door, letting it slam behind him.</p><p>Drucilla voiced what they were probably all thinking. "<em>What</em> is his fucking <em>deal</em>?"</p><p>Dolohov answered with a casual, "Don't worry about him, Dru. I'll handle him."</p><p>Lily didn't like the sound of that. Because she knew exactly what Snape's deal was: the insinuation of Lily with James. Which she'd shoved in his face when she'd needed to. Which she knew, suddenly, that she would do again if the moment called for it. Which she also knew that Dolohov had overheard, as he'd been immobilized on the floor as she'd taunted Sev, and that Dolohov had seen, when he'd noticed her hand disappearing under the table at dinner and caught the way James had looked at her in that dress. And none of that could add up to anything good, though she still had no idea what it could all mean, but suddenly, strangely, she realized she wasn't afraid.</p><p>She should have been; she had just listened to the Slytherins plan to actually <em>tail</em> her. But she wasn't. She felt…<em>confident</em>. Because she was a step ahead of them. Because she wasn't sitting around oblivious in her common room like they thought, but sitting underneath them listening in on their conversation. Because she was fighting back. Because she had friends—Marauders—on her side fighting back with her. And suddenly, even though she knew she would have Slytherins tailing her every move after tomorrow, she felt untouchable.</p><p>Lily looked up at James, finding his eyes already on her, glittering in the dark. And somehow she also knew that she was in far more trouble than she'd ever imagined she'd be, because James Potter was dangerous. He brought out this side of her she'd never known she'd had. Or maybe she had known, deep down, it was <em>there</em> (she had always been drawn to curse-breaking, after all) but had just never fully explored it. He made her feel <em>alive</em>. He made her spine tingle in excitement, her thoughts tilt ever so slightly toward recklessness, her body thrum with the thrill of adventure, her laughter bubble over at inappropriate moments. The energy around him was just <em>charged</em>, and it was like she instinctually rose to meet it, some subconscious leveling she didn't understand.</p><p>And that wasn't even considering how badly she wanted to kiss him. Or feel his hands on her body. Or run her hands all over <em>his</em> body. Or hold him thick in her hand, or watch his face as he came, or hear those <em>sounds</em>, something more than a whimper but less than a groan, that escaped him when he did.</p><p>She had never been so obsessed with the idea of giving pleasure to a boy, but now all she thought about, all she wanted to do, was get James off. Was this more of that mysterious subconscious leveling happening? Some sexual energy he radiated that her body just had to match? She could remember, clearly as if she'd just held him, the sensation of him thickening in her hand in those moments right before climax, and she could still picture, clearly as if she'd just seen it, the way his face scrunched in pleasure as he came, and she could still hear, clearly as if he'd just made it, that guttural <em>sound </em>that she wanted to hear over and over and over—</p><p>"Evans?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>James was looking at her expectantly, a knowing grin spreading over his face. He had so caught her ogling him. Damn, damn, damn.</p><p>"I asked you if you were cold."</p><p>She had to take a second to think about it. Certain parts of her were feeling rather warm, but now she could feel the chill of sitting outside creeping up in her arms, her neck, her feet.</p><p>"Erm, a bit, yeah."</p><p>He put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in closer to him and running his hand up and down her arm, sparking heat everywhere he touched. Lily nestled against him, letting his warmth seep through her skin and into her bones.</p><p>Once Snape left, it was like the atmosphere amongst the other Slytherins went back to normal, and they dropped the subject of Lily in favor of more generalized Hogwarts gossip that faded to only occasional comments as they all kept smoking.</p><p>It was distinctly boring, and if it wasn't for the fact that James's presence kept her blood simmering just under her skin, she might have even dozed off. At some point, the Slytherins gathered themselves and set to stumbling back down the stairs and through the door, and once they had given them a few minutes' lead time, James got up slowly, pulling Lily to her feet with him. They were both stiff and somewhat sore, but once they got moving again, got back inside the castle, invisible in the dark corridor, Lily felt wildly alert.</p><p>So, it seemed, did James, as he slipped his arm back over her shoulder, hooking an elbow around her neck, and asked quietly, "Did you get my note?"</p><p>She smiled sideways at him; she had wondered if he was going to bring that up. "Yes, I did."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"I think I can safely say I thought about what you thought about all day."</p><p>He grinned and dropped his lips to her ear as he whispered, "And our streak?"</p><p>"Um." Lily closed her eyes briefly, shook her head, sensed him slow down, pull his arm away. She turned up to look at him, confusion and perhaps even slight alarm on his face. It was almost cute, and she chuckled, though she knew it was cruel because it only made him look more puzzled.</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>Lily looked up at him. "I…<em>can't</em> right now."</p><p>He blinked at her. For apparently being the master of subtext, this one was somehow lost on him. Lily arched her brows.</p><p>James tried again. "Is this, like, one of those girl rules against streaks? You don't want to hook up with me three days in a row?"</p><p>Lily snorted and rolled her eyes. "Potter, for being smart enough to map the whole damn castle, you sure can be <em>bloody</em> thick sometimes."</p><p>The poor bloke still look confused.</p><p>Lily lowered her voice and looked at him pointedly. "I got my <em>period</em>."</p><p>Comprehension dawned over his face, and Lily didn't miss his sigh of relief, the way his shoulders relaxed, like he had been worried it was about <em>him</em>. Her stomach gave a little flutter over how stupidly adorable it was.</p><p>"Fuck," he muttered. "I sort of forgot about those."</p><p>"Lucky you," Lily grumbled.</p><p>He arched a brow back at her. "Yeah, well, <em>you've </em>never had to deal with being <em>hard</em> all the time, so lucky you, too."</p><p>She flashed him a playful side-eye. "Guess I just forgot about that."</p><p>He chuckled as he muttered, "Shove off," but he re-looped his arm around her shoulders and steered her down a side corridor she didn't think she'd ever gone down before.</p><p>"So what d'you say about going old school?" he asked conversationally.</p><p>Lily didn't know if her eyes could get wider. "<em>Old school?</em>"</p><p>He was removing his arm, leaning against a door she hadn't noticed as he turned the handle. "Yeah, you know." He flashed her a playful smile. "Like fifth-year shit."</p><p>Her eyes could get wider. "<em>Fifth-year shit?</em> What does <em>that</em> mean?"</p><p>James didn't answer right away, and Lily followed him into the room, feeling like she had stepped back in time as she took in the few desks, the dated carpets, the slightly musty scent of the air. James locked and silenced the door behind him, left the cloak in a pile on a desk, then grabbed her hand as he passed her, seating himself in a desk chair and pulling her down towards him. Lily straddled his lap and James immediately slid his hands up her legginged legs, squeezing her thighs as he kissed her, something simple and soft.</p><p>He pulled back, his voice low and raspy as he said, "You've really never done this?"</p><p>Lily still wasn't entirely following, but she didn't want to admit that just yet.</p><p>"Was I conversing with a wall the other night when I spilled my confession?"</p><p>He grinned, lowering his head to gently trail kisses along her jaw. "Remind me what that was, again?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes even as she tilted her head for him, muttering, "You're <em>insufferable</em>."</p><p>She could feel him smiling against her neck. "It's all the shock, I can't remember."</p><p>"Oh, <em>please</em>," she grumbled, "as if you haven't memorized every fucking word."</p><p>He found that place just under her ear, on the column of her neck, that made her go slightly incoherent, and he sucked lightly on her skin. Lily sighed in pleasure, her hands instantly sliding up his neck to bury into his hair.</p><p>His voice was gravelly, almost a purr, as he murmured, "Maybe I just want to hear you say it."</p><p>Lily sucked in a breath, felt his hands slip under her jumper and slide up to press hotly into her back.</p><p>"Arrogant," she gasped, the effect of his lips on her throat detracting from the force of her barb.</p><p>He chuckled. "Sometimes a bloke needs a <em>nice ego stroke</em>, hmm?"</p><p>Heat swirled in Lily's stomach at the memory of that first night studying together in their office. They hadn't even kissed yet when they'd had that exchange. Merlin, that felt like <em>ages</em> ago already.</p><p>She supposed he had asked nicely, and that as he had given her what she said she needed on more than one occasion now, it was only polite to return the favor. Lily pushed out the words through gasping breaths as his mouth continued to do devilish things to her base of her throat.</p><p>"James—you're the <em>only</em> bloke—who's <em>ever</em> made me come—and if that's not—the ego stroke—of the fucking <em>century</em>—then I don't know what is."</p><p>He grinned against her skin and then brought his mouth near hers. "I can probably think of a few more things."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>But he didn't tell her what those were, just kissed her instead, his hands somehow everywhere beneath her jumper, on her back, her waist, her hips. She hadn't ever straddled him like this before, hadn't been propped this far above him, had never had to look down at him like this, and she was pleasantly surprised at how much she <em>liked </em>it, liked feeling his head tip back for her, his mouth open for her as she threaded fingers deeper into his hair.</p><p>It was when she was wrapped up in a deep kiss, arms tight around his neck, tongue in his mouth, that James reached down to cup her bum and pull her tight against him right as he rolled his hips up against her, and Lily suddenly felt the bulge of his arousal just beneath her where they'd join.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>When they had rubbed together like this for the first time on the common room sofa, Lily had thought it felt deliciously good, even through two pairs of thick denim. But they weren't wearing thick denim this time. She had on leggings, and he had on joggers, and both fabrics were decidedly thinner and softer than denim, and now the sensation of him—heavy, thick—rubbing right against where all the blood in her body was rushing was nearly as good as if they didn't have any clothes on at all, and as Lily squirmed against him, she accidentally nudged a particular spot that felt especially sensitive and involuntarily gasped against his mouth.</p><p><em>Oh</em>.</p><p>James grinned, then said softly, "Like I said. Fifth-year shit."</p><p>Wait. Could she—<em>get off</em> like this? She had never found herself in this position, never even imagined the possibility. She wasn't even entirely sure that it made sense, as the only times she'd ever gotten off before had involved having something—fingers, James—inside.</p><p>Lily kissed him again, tentatively rolling her hips against him in a slow slide, feeling that familiar ache as the shape of him pressed against her.</p><p>James broke away from her mouth to give attention to the other side of her throat, murmuring, "Get that friction, Evans."</p><p>He had said that before—in the store cupboard. It <em>was</em> possible. He <em>knew</em> it was. But—how? And if it was, how had she not done this? Had she missed some memo that circulated? And also, who <em>else</em> had done this on James? (And did she <em>really</em> want to know the answer to that?)</p><p>Lily hesitated, feeling his tongue find that sensitive spot on the column of her neck that made her spine tingle, feeling the delicious pressure of his arousal between her legs that made her ache, but not feeling the sensation that made pressure build and little zips of electricity shoot through her veins.</p><p>James's lips ghosted over her skin. "What's wrong?"</p><p>Lily hastily whispered, "Nothing."</p><p>The beginnings of something uncomfortable, like embarrassment, started to swirl in her stomach, though she tried to shut it down. She <em>had</em> already told him about her orgasm situation, so he really shouldn't be surprised about this, and she <em>had</em> just shagged him twice, including in somewhat risqué fashion in a dungeon corridor, so it's not like she was inexperienced, per se.</p><p>But still. She was getting the distinct impression she was missing something, that there was some level of adolescent exploration she had somehow skipped, and as she had always prided herself on knowing things, on being prepared, this particular feeling was making her rather anxious, her discomfort all the greater for the fact that she had finally accepted she fancied James Potter quite a lot and, consequently, she was feeling stupidly insecure over something that she probably would have otherwise been very forward about.</p><p>James pulled up from her neck to hover in front of her face, eyes searching hers, and then he slid his hands up to grip her hips, guiding her against him as he said quietly, "It's like being on top." He gave her a cheeky grin. "Just, you know, with clothes on."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, and James's eyes went wide. "You've never—been on top?"</p><p>She shook her head. She'd always been either beneath or facing the boy she was with; now that she thought about it, she couldn't explain <em>why</em> her and Edgar had never done it this way in all the times they'd snuck off to an empty classroom—they just hadn't, instead sticking to her being on the desk while he stood in front of her.</p><p>James smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. "The second your period's over, you find me, because you're getting on fucking top of me."</p><p>Lily flushed, smiling, and then James added, "But until then, you're gonna come in my lap."</p><p>She flushed slightly deeper, glad for the relatively dark cover of the room, and bit her lip.</p><p>James could obviously sense her hesitation, had picked up on her confusion, because he pulled her tighter against him and rolled his hips into hers.</p><p>"How's that feel?"</p><p>"Good." Lily's voice was breathless. "So good."</p><p>James was smiling. "Like it'll make you come?"</p><p>Lily shook her head, biting her lip again. "No. But I felt it earlier."</p><p>His lips hovered in front of hers. "Then let's find that angle you need."</p><p><em>Angle</em>. Fuck.</p><p>James pressed his open mouth to hers and Lily met his tongue in a slow dance that was starting to feel dangerously familiar. Her hands slid back into his hair while she felt his hands squeezing her hips, bum, thighs. He rolled his hips against her, and Lily slid around him, squirming in his lap, until all of a sudden a motion between them clicked, and Lily slid up just as he rolled down, and that electrical wire lit up, making her gasp into his mouth.</p><p>James's grin was immediate, and he held her tightly right where she was, keeping that <em>pressure</em>, and as the seconds ticked by Lily realized more coherently what she was feeling: she had rubbed against the rim of his head, somewhere not underneath her, along her opening, but just slightly above, and the pressure of him against her there was <em>intoxicating</em>.</p><p>His voice was low, almost a purr, as he leaned around her face and said into her ear, "This is the spot that makes you come, Evans. You don't need me inside, you can get there like this."</p><p>More doors opening. More layers of understanding settling deep within her being. Why certain movements of fingers had always felt better than others. Why the positions she'd been in with James had felt the way they did. Why she felt like her pulse was right against where he was still pressed against her. Angles. <em>Precision</em>.</p><p>He gently pushed her back on his legs, then slid himself forward in the seat just a smidge so he could lean back slightly more against the chair, and before Lily could scoot back up over him, he <em>adjusted himself</em>—why did she find that <em>beyond</em> erotic?—to rest more vertically for her. Meeting her eyes, he reached for her, and then Lily did scoot closer to him, rubbing along the length of him as she drew herself up until they were chest-to-chest, so absorbed in the feel of him beneath her that she barely heard his voice low and raspy saying, "Yeah, c'mere, see if this hits your cl—"</p><p>"Oh, <em>fuck</em>!"</p><p>He was only at a fractionally different angle beneath her, but that was all it took—that was <em>it</em>.</p><p>Fuck, she loved math.</p><p>James was grinning, holding onto her hips as she slid back and forth over his thick length, though his grip was looser than before, like he knew she didn't need him to guide her and he was just letting her do what she needed.</p><p>Lily buried her hands in his hair, her face in his neck, as she ground against him, hips now rolling in a way that was more instinctual than she'd ever thought possible, and she suddenly craved what this would be like if these layers of clothes weren't between them. Somehow, James had unlocked yet another piece to the puzzle, a piece she hadn't even known was missing—</p><p>"Lily—"</p><p>A whole new wave of fluttery pleasures swirled in her stomach at the sound of her name in that tone, something she already recognized as telling her <em>he</em> was starting to get close.</p><p>His hands had wandered down to cup her bum again, pulling her against him with each slide, and his mouth hovered near the dip where her neck met her shoulder.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Lily."</p><p>She gripped his hair tighter, rubbed against him with a little more speed, her pressure building, and a whimpering moan started to escape her just then before she bit down on her lip.</p><p>James broke away from sucking on her skin. "You don't have to be quiet."</p><p>Oh, yeah. She was already so weirdly used to being caught in clandestine situations with him—store cupboard, common room, corridor—that it was strange to have actual privacy, the promise of a locked and silenced door.</p><p>She let a true whimpering moan escape her then, something deep in her throat but that came out sort of high pitched, and James's reaction was immediate, fingers sinking harder into her skin and torso tensing and those sharp teeth just lightly scraping as his own responding groan was stifled against her shoulder.</p><p>"James." His name was like a breath in her mouth, and she said it again, laced with slightly more edge as she suddenly zeroed in on that spot that threatened to burst. "<em>James</em>."</p><p>"Yeah, Lily." His breath was hot on her neck, his tongue now darting along her throat. "Like you're riding me, come on."</p><p>She knew she hadn't needed his permission, but something about those words just then made her snap, made her chase down that implosion that she knew awaited her, made her grind against him with selfish abandon, right on the precipice, her mind spinning as she comprehended this was even <em>possible</em>, this was about to <em>happen</em>—</p><p>"James, <em>fuck!</em> I'm—"</p><p>Still supporting her with one arm wrapped around her back to cup her arse, James slid his other hand up her jumper, going straight for her breast, his thumb immediately circling, sending that electrical thread ablaze like a tripwire, and she felt him thrust up against her right as she was grinding down over him.</p><p>"Get it, Lily." His voice was soft but so insistent, so <em>commanding</em>, like when he had spoken to her while she dueled Severus, and just as then, her body seemed to obey, swiveling over him as he purred, "That's it, Lil. Get what you need, babe, come on."</p><p>She was desperate, <em>right there</em>, her pressure about to burst, and she pushed herself closer against him, shifting higher until she could feel the tip of him through his joggers, just like she'd felt earlier, and she could imagine exactly how he would feel—smooth, supple—rubbing right at that <em>spot</em>, and her core was tightening, her legs starting to shake, and James stilled, like he knew she was down to her final moments and didn't want to interrupt her rhythm. She could feel his arm secure around her, his bulging thickness underneath her as she focused on rubbing against his tip in frantic little thrusts, trying to reach that final touch that would make her break, and he <em>smiled</em> at her, his raspy voice filling her ears, coaxing her closer.</p><p>"<em>There</em> it is. Use me, come on, just like that"—Lily whimpered as she rubbed against him, feeling herself start to contract—"<em>fuck</em>, Lily, I'm close too"—she could see his face starting to scrunch, feeling his body tighten under hers—"I need you to <em>come</em>"—she felt him twitch underneath her, thrust just a little bit into her, like he had been trying not to but couldn't help it—"James, I'm—oh, <em>fuck</em>"—one of his little thrusts had lined up with hers, and with one last press of his tip right against her pleasure point, she toppled over the edge with a whimpering cry.</p><p>James groaned as she spasmed over him, twitching in his lap, and his arms closed tighter around her, his lips ghosting her ear as he kept thrusting up against her with raspy <em>yes, Lily's</em> and <em>fuck, Lily's</em> but then he was suddenly pushing her back on his legs, and she was only vaguely aware of his hands leaving her body but then she heard the sound of fabric rustling and her eyes snapped open, finding him already looking at her, and when he held his hand up to her face she somehow knew exactly what he was asking for and immediately gave it to him, grabbing the back of his hand and gathering as much saliva as she could and licking across his palm, swirling her tongue over his skin.</p><p>He was pulling his hand away, his eyes closing, mouth falling open, and Lily grasped his neck, resting her forehead against his as she watched him return his hand to himself, the soft, wet sounds seeming to echo against the quiet backdrop of the room as he pumped himself swiftly once, twice, three times—</p><p>"Fuck, <em>fuck</em>, Lil—"</p><p>His hips bucked and he let out a soft cry, barely covering himself with his palm before he spilled, sudden and rushing through his fingers, and Lily felt a surge of fluttery warmth spread through her as she realized how close he had been just from <em>her</em>, how little he'd needed to push himself over.</p><p>He was breathing hard, and Lily watched, scratching her fingers gently against his hairline, as his climax lingered and he worked himself through smaller, shorter bursts. When he was done, Lily closed her eyes and nuzzled his face, dotting kisses over his cheek, the corner of his mouth, his jaw, before straightening up and meeting his gaze.</p><p>For possibly the first time in all they had already done together, James looked…<em>bashful</em>. A flush was creeping up around his neck, and his blown eyes searched hers.</p><p>As she slid off his lap to retrieve her wand from where it had fallen to the floor, she asked,"Why are you looking at me like that?"</p><p>"I just—" His voice was hoarse, and he cleared his throat. "I was too close, I needed—"</p><p>Lily put a finger over his lips, then set to cleaning him up in a role-reversal that she didn't think was lost on either of them. "Didn't you just tell <em>me</em> to get what<em> I</em> needed?"</p><p>He smiled, something still shy, his voice almost hesitant as he said, "Yeah, but you're—that's different—I don't want you to think I—that I wouldn't want—or that I didn't like—"</p><p>Lily arched her brows at him, tilted her head as she teasingly appraised him. "What's this? <em>James Potter</em> getting <em>shy</em>?"</p><p>James rolled his eyes as he pulled his waistband back up and sat straighter in his chair, but his tone was serious when he said quietly, "I've just—I've never done that."</p><p>Lily sat back in his lap, sideways this time, and looked at him skeptically. "I thought we came in here for <em>old school fifth-year shit</em>?"</p><p>He smiled softly but shook his head, spoke in halting sentences as his flush deepened slightly. "I didn't mean about you. I meant—getting myself. Like that. I've never, you know. Done that…in front of someone."</p><p>Lily's mouth fell open in a wide smile, and though a part of her really wanted to gloat and take the mickey out of him over still having something to be done for the first time after all of the raunchy escapades she'd heard about him doing, the look on his face just then stopped her in her tracks. It was so open, so sincere, so…<em>vulnerable</em>. Like he was afraid of what she thought. And in a rush, she remembered that though he had gloated over <em>her</em> orgasm confession, it had been in an elated way, and his questioning hadn't been to take the mickey out of her but to stroke his own ego at being dead chuffed about it. And just now, when he'd learned she'd never been on top, when she'd revealed not fully understanding her own climax, he hadn't teased her at all, but had just immediately set to <em>showing</em> her.</p><p>So she bit back the tease that was on the tip of her tongue and said instead, "I liked it."</p><p>"You—you did?"</p><p>Lily smirked, leaned down until her lips hovered right over his, and gave him the ego stroke she thought he needed. "Potter, in case it isn't blatantly obvious, I'm <em>obsessed</em> with watching you come, and that just then was one of the hottest things I've ever <em>seen</em>."</p><p>A true crinkle-eyed grin split across his face at that, and he kissed her, something sweet, while he hugged her around her middle. "Maybe," he started between kisses, "we should—go old school—more often."</p><p>Lily broke away, giggling, and rolled her eyes. "Because you'll want to stick to just <em>going old school</em> when my period's over?"</p><p>He chuckled. "You know me so well, Evans."</p><p>Lily smiled at him, feeling slightly bashful but emboldened at the same time. "They are <em>monthly</em> things, you know. Periods."</p><p>James caught on that time. "Then maybe we should make going old school a monthly thing."</p><p>Lily met his gaze, heat swirling in her stomach. "Maybe."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Her friends could totally tell.</p><p>"So, Lil," Marlene said far too casually as she held up a set of burgundy robes first against herself, and then in front of Lily. "You sure have been glowing lately."</p><p>Lily flushed and took the hanger from Marlene's hands so she could turn away under the pretense of looking in the mirror. "Oh?"</p><p>Marlene showed up next to her, a devilish smirk on her face. "The only question is, is it because of the broody and beautiful bloke you're about to have a Butterbeer with in a bit, <em>or</em> is it maybe because of a certain fit, charming, handsome, bespectacled friend of ours whom you can't take your <em>eyes</em> off of in class?"</p><p>Mary chimed in, "And with whom you've seemed to stop rowing?"</p><p>Lily's blush deepened, and Marlene's brows popped up on her forehead.</p><p>"You know, I already have so much burgundy." Lily spun and put the robes back on the rack, catching Mary's eye in the process.</p><p>"You can admit you like him, Lil. We haven't <em>forgotten</em>."</p><p>Ugh, that damn <em>book</em>. And that damn <em>alcohol</em>. Of all the things she could have blabbed about while sloshed at the World Cup, <em>why</em> did she have to spill about her attraction to James?</p><p>"We're—it's—"</p><p>Marlene and Mary were both looking at her expectantly. Lily couldn't pinpoint <em>why </em>exactly she didn't want to tell them, because she'd always confided in them about boys before, but something just didn't feel right about telling them what was going on. Not yet.</p><p>"I'm…trying to figure it out."</p><p>Which she supposed was truthful, in its own way. That's what The Plan was for, after all. She felt crazed for him, yet also like she barely knew him. She had gotten very intimate with him, yet still felt nervous at the idea of <em>talking</em> to him. Somehow, their sexual connection had taken off faster than the latest racing broom, while the rest of their daily interactions still felt new, crawling, tentative. <em>Delicate</em>. Lately, really since they'd first had sex, thoughts that she normally ignored had begun creeping to the forefront of her mind as she lie awake at night. Thoughts about how this…<em>connection</em> felt different than anything she'd ever felt. About how even though she didn't feel ready to do something like <em>publicly date</em> him, she suddenly felt <em>bonded</em> to him, like that partnership imposed by their badges had deepened after she'd dueled by his side and he'd taken care of her and they'd ma—</p><p>No. Oh, no no no. Had she really been about to think that <em>phrase</em>? That thing old people said to be polite and not say words like <em>sex</em> and <em>shagging</em>? The cringiest, cheesiest of euphemisms?</p><p>Ugh, she had. She had been about to think, <em>made love by the fire</em>. She was too dumbfounded to even think. What was <em>happening</em>?</p><p>"Hey, Lil." Dahlia's voice was soft at her side, jolting Lily out of her thoughts. "I'm going to try these on, mind helping me zip up?"</p><p>Marlene and Mary hastily busied themselves in nonsensical conversation over a section of jumpers, and Lily accepted Dahlia's ruse, saying, "Sure, let's go."</p><p>In the dressing room in the back, Dahlia motioned for Lily to follow her, pulling the curtain shut behind them. Lily knew she shouldn't be nervous—this was <em>Dahlia</em>, whom she'd lived with, been friends with, for <em>six years</em>—but her pulse quickened all the same.</p><p>Dahlia gave her a knowing smile. "I can tell you like James."</p><p>There was suddenly a massive lump in Lily's throat.</p><p>"And I can tell he's mad about you, too."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard.</p><p>"And I—I want you to know that you don't have to feel awkward around me."</p><p>Lily hadn't expected that. She wasn't entirely sure what to say. Dahlia gave her a soft smile. "James is a great guy, Lil. You don't have to feel <em>weird</em> or <em>embarrassed</em> about liking him now. He's grown up. And I feel really lucky to have him as a friend."</p><p>Lily nodded, her mouth suddenly dry. She had seen it since they'd been back at school: James not just doing an occasional great thing, but actually being a great <em>person</em>. Like that really was <em>who he was</em>.</p><p>Dahlia went on, "But he is <em>just</em> a friend. We had fun together, and we had chemistry, sure, but it was never romantic with us, Lily."</p><p>James's words from the night before rang through her mind. <em>Never have I ever…been in love with anyone I've dated</em>. Would Dahlia feel the same way?</p><p>Dahlia reached out, grabbed her hand. "Are we okay?"</p><p>Lily squeezed her hand, feeling a new rush of admiration for Dahlia, who had not only sensed Lily's awkwardness around her but had plucked up the courage to talk to her when Lily had retreated like a cowardly lion.</p><p>"Yeah, Dahl. I'm sorry I—I don't know—acted weird—"</p><p>Dahlia shook her head, smiling. "You have nothing to apologize for, Lily."</p><p>Lily bit her lip, then nodded. "Thank you."</p><p>Dahlia tugged her hand. "Now come on, you have a <em>friend</em> date to get over with so you can hang out with the boy you <em>really</em> like."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>He wasn't exactly sure <em>why</em> he was torturing himself, but when the Gryffindor crowd began gathering in The Three Broomsticks, he and Sirius pushed together a couple of tables that had a clear line of vision to another table where Garrytt and Lily just happened to be sitting, and then James sat in a chair that would allow him to cast glances over at Garrytt and Lily while also being able to quickly look away if needed. He knew Sirius (who had walked in on the broom closet and seen the hickey) and Remus (whom James had started to tell about hooking up with Lily, but before her attack and so before they'd had sex) had both picked up on his ruse, but then, to his surprise, they both seemed as interested in it as he was, so while Peter, Ludo, Kingsley, and a couple other sixth-year boys struck up conversation at one end of their long make-shift table, he, Remus, and Sirius took to carrying on small talk while covertly watching and commentating on Lily's date.</p><p>It was quite possibly the strangest Hogsmeade Saturday he'd ever spent. Lily was gorgeous as ever, wearing those jeans that made her arse look even more perfect and the same burgundy knit she'd worn on the Hogwarts Express that hugged everything in all the right places, and she had worn her hair down, in cascading waves that she pulled over one shoulder. To James's great annoyance, his little comment at Slughorn's dinner party did not seem to be detracting from the mood between her and Garrytt, as they chatted animatedly and Lily smiled and Garrytt looked more expressive and talkative than James had ever seen him in all six years of going to that school, and Lily laughed, her whole face lighting up as her eyes squinted and her white teeth flashed, and the only consolation James got was that Garrytt seemed to be trying to lean over the table, bracing over crossed elbows, whereas Lily leaned as far back in her chair as she could go, back straight, leg crossed.</p><p>Sirius slurped his Butterbeer and muttered, "What'd she call it again? A mate date?"</p><p>James shrugged, swirling his own pint. "A <em>friend</em> date, but same difference."</p><p>"Eh, I like mate date."</p><p>"I don't like either of them."</p><p>Remus turned to James and said quietly, "Maybe you two should go on a <em>mate date</em>."</p><p>James quirked a brow. "I don't want to be just her <em>mate</em>, Moony."</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, neither does Ollivander, but look what he's doing."</p><p>James pinched his eyes under his glasses. "We sort of, er…"</p><p>Sirius and Remus both looked at him sharply, but just then the girls showed up in a flurry of squeals and bags and hellos and chatter, and Marlene was leaning over to give Remus and upside-down kiss, and Mary was ruffling Sirius's hair and asking where her drink was, and Dahlia was scraping up a chair next to James. Her eyes were glittering as she sat down, and she leaned in to his ear, throwing up a hand to cover her mouth, as she whispered, "I talked to Lily a little bit today."</p><p>James looked over at her. "You did?"</p><p>Dahlia nodded. "Mhmm. Consider me your wing-woman."</p><p>He grinned bashfully at her. "Thanks, Dahl."</p><p>Dahlia gave him a pointed look. "James, this might be your shot."</p><p>James just stared at her. He and Dahlia had never really talked about Lily, as he'd always been determinedly avoiding everything to do with Lily while he was with her.</p><p>"How—"</p><p>Dahlia inclined her head, eyes still twinkling. "James. For as long as I've <em>known</em> you, you've fancied Lily Evans."</p><p>James's stomach gave an uncomfortable little lurch. "Well—"</p><p>But Dahlia was shaking her head, putting her hand on his arm. "It's okay. You're one of my best friends, James. You think I couldn't tell you were trying to get over her last year?"</p><p>He sighed, at a loss for how to respond to that. "I—are you—"</p><p>Dahlia cut over him. "It's <em>okay</em>. Are you forgetting how we started in the first place?"</p><p>Comprehension dawned. He <em>had</em> forgotten. The Ravenclaw match. The aftermath that had followed.</p><p>He hadn't been the only one trying to forget someone.</p><p>Dahlia smiled softly. "I think we both needed to turn off our feelings for awhile, yeah?"</p><p>James felt a sudden surge of affection for Dahlia. She just <em>got</em> it. Got <em>him</em>. As well as Sirius or Remus or Mary did, but with some extra quality that James suspected was unique to the fact that he and Dahlia had spent more than six months shagging. And not only did she get it, but she had somehow managed to put into words exactly how he felt. They had gotten their start trying to numb, and they had somehow miraculously come out the other side as confidants ready not to be numb anymore. Looking back, Dahlia had been such a balm, a needed distraction from all the drama, a bridge to a more mature version of himself. And he found he was deeply moved as he considered for the first time that he might have been exactly that for her, too.</p><p>Dahlia's eyes twinkled as she went on, "But now we've turned them back on, and the object of yours is over there, hanging out with a bloke she doesn't fancy, and very much looking forward to when she can rejoin all of her other friends and be around the bloke she <em>does</em>."</p><p>James swallowed hard. "Did she—say anything? About me?"</p><p>Dahlia shook her head. "No, but she didn't need to. Gods, her <em>face</em>, James." Dahlia lowered her voice, threw her hand back up to cover her mouth as she leaned in towards his ear. "She looked like a girl who'd been laid and loved every second."</p><p>James didn't even try to stop the grin that split across his face as he raised his pint to his mouth.</p><p>Dahlia elbowed him lightly in the ribs, giggling as she whispered, "I fucking <em>knew</em> it, you both have looked far too love-sick lately."</p><p>James tilted his head toward her ear. "Don't say anything, yeah? We're sort of…figuring it out."</p><p>Dahlia grinned at him. "Funny, that's exactly what she said."</p><p>Lily had been with Garrytt for at least an hour, so James assumed their <em>catch-up</em> would be nearing its end, and with a new spring in his step that hadn't been there before Dahlia arrived, James got up and headed up to the bar.</p><p>It was prime Saturday happy hour, and Rosmerta was flooded. She waved at James when she saw him, cheeks pink. "Hiya, love. I've missed your face."</p><p>"Missed you too, Ros."</p><p>She was preparing someone else's cocktail, but she flashed him a smile. "'S your last year, yeah? Blimey, I can't believe it."</p><p>James leaned on his elbows over the bar. "Yeah, me either. You been well?"</p><p>She pushed the drink into hands a few paces away, then turned to her next order. "Oh, yeah, been gettin' on, business is fab. I've still got a few people ahead of ya, love, but what'll ya be wantin'?"</p><p>"No worries, Ros, just another round of your mead for the lads and another raspberry fizz for Marly."</p><p>Rosmerta nodded as she poured a pint of ale for someone else. "You got it, Jamesie."</p><p>As always, James was amazed by her ability to simultaneously prepare drinks, take new orders, <em>remember</em> said orders, and <em>still</em> carry on conversations as she went. How did women <em>do </em>that?</p><p>"Hey, Potter."</p><p>James turned his head sharply, not expecting the honeyed voice that spoke quietly from right next to him.</p><p>"Ollivander."</p><p>Rosmerta had noticed Garrytt step up. "What're ya havin', love?"</p><p>"Another whisky-sour, Rosie."</p><p>"Right you are, just a 'mo."</p><p>Garrytt angled his body towards James. "Listen, about dinner the other night."</p><p>This couldn't be good. Garrytt glanced around them, but clearly no one within their vicinity caused him any concern, because he turned his dark eyes back on James, hesitating only a brief moment before he said quietly, "I wanted to ask you. Are you and Lily…"</p><p>James's stomach twisted in a knot, a sudden wave of nerves hitting him out of nowhere. Garrytt was approaching <em>him</em>? Had he already asked Lily and was just comparing notes? Or, the more likely scenario, was he asking James because with Lily he had just pretended like that dinner party moment hadn't happened?</p><p>He pushed off his elbows slowly, drawing himself up to full height next to Garrytt, who wasn't quite as tall but had the hair to make up for it. Though he wanted nothing more than to shove his in-the-works-relationship with Lily in Garrytt's face, he and Lily had forgotten to address one very important term of The Plan: whether they were telling anyone about it. And, as he tended to read Lily pretty well, he figured from The Conversation and the fact that she had remained tight-lipped with the girls that she was probably wanting to keep their not-dating dating-thing between themselves.</p><p>James feigned a blank look. "We're friends. We work together."</p><p>Garrytt was studying him. "So if anything…<em>happened</em>. It's in the past?"</p><p>James bit his lip. Damn. Garrytt was just about as forward as James was. He decided to fish back on his own. "You're the one that just had a date with her."</p><p>Garrytt just continued giving him that broody look (were girls really <em>into</em> that?), but he didn't deny it was a date, and the knot in James's stomach tightened.</p><p>Just then, the sixth-year trifecta appeared next to them at the bar in a barrage of shrieking laughter, Adelaide with her arm around Dorcas, and Drucilla on Adelaide's other side.</p><p>"Hey, <em>boys</em>," Adelaide crooned, and James could tell immediately that she was drunk.</p><p>Dorcas gave James an apologetic look from underneath Adelaide's arm, and James winked back to let her know he understood. They had done this routine many-a-time last fall and again this past summer, as Adelaide had a tendency to drink too much and eat too little.</p><p>He turned back to the bar, leaning over the counter. "Hey, Ros—add a basket of chips to my order for Ladie, will you?"</p><p>Rosmerta gave him a relieved smiled.</p><p>A low, throaty voice was now where Garrytt previously was. "Nice of you. <em>James</em>."</p><p>He turned to see Drucilla standing next to him, in that pose girls did with their arms crossed and a hip popped out. He wanted to throttle her for her part in putting a legitimate tail on Lily, but since they were in a very public place, he decided to play nice.</p><p>"Yeah, well. Gotta look out for my prefects."</p><p>She gave him a flirty smile. "When you remember them?"</p><p>He chuckled softly. "Yeah. Doesn't look like you need any chips, though. <em>Dru</em>."</p><p>She bit her lip, trying not to smile. "Maybe I could use some help with something…else?"</p><p>He raised his brows, playing along. "And what's that?"</p><p>Drucilla moved slightly closer to him, looked up at him under her lashes. "Meet me later and I'll tell you."</p><p>Never mind, he was done playing nice.</p><p>"Nah, I don't think so." He met her gaze, dropped his voice. "You should probably just ask your boy Dolohov, yeah?"</p><p>Her eyes flitted between his, the merest hint of a flush raising around her neck. "He's not my <em>boy</em>."</p><p>"Neither am I."</p><p>"Ay, Jamesie, you're up, love, I've got…"</p><p>James turned from Drucilla's stony face to Rosmerta, pulling a few coins from his pocket and leaving her a generous tip, and then he pushed the basket of chips down toward Adelaide, exchanging a knowing look with Dorcas, who immediately tried feeding her one, and then somehow maneuvered the drinks between his hands and made his way back toward the Gryffindor crowd, which had somewhat gregariously taken over that whole area of the pub.</p><p>He didn't avoid Lily, per se, but he kept his distance, seeing her deep in conversation with Remus and Marlene, and letting himself get pulled into Quidditch talk with Kingsley and Mary, and thinking that he would let her come to him, or that they'd be bound to end up near each other eventually. And far sooner than he anticipated, several events happened in quick succession: Dorcas brought a swaying Adelaide back to the Gryffindors, along with the basket of nibbled chips, Peter picked a fast-paced song on the magicked jukebox in the corner, Sirius started deftly rolling a joint at the table, Ludo walked up with a tray full of Firewhisky shots for everyone, Adelaide climbed on the table to dance, and then one of her flying limbs upset the tray of Firewhisky shots, sending whisky splashing and shot glasses shattering, and some of the whisky splashed onto Sirius right as he was lighting his joint with his wand, and suddenly the table was on fire.</p><p>There was a scramble of yelling, pulling, Aguamenti-ing, and then crying, as Adelaide was now inconsolably upset over having spilled all of Ludo's shots, and Dorcas and Marlene tried to console her, and Remus and Peter set to putting back the table, and Kingsley left to get replacement shots, and Mary was chastising Sirius for trying to smoke inside, and then suddenly Lily was in front of him, tossing her hair over her shoulder—forever one of the most magnificent sights he'd ever seen; he could practically replay it in slow motion in his brain—and throwing him a scathingly annoyed look as she said, "Potter, a word," before pushing through the back door to the alley behind the pub. James let out a long breath as he ran a hand through his hair, cast a backwards glance at his friends and their classmates that had been lingering around the scene, and then followed her through the door.</p><p>She had made it several paces away and was leaning along a stretch of stone wall behind a tower of Rosmerta's delivery crates. He braced himself for a row as he approached her. Had she seen him and his friends basically watching her whole date? Had she enjoyed Garrytt's company so much she had changed her mind? Had the scene with Adelaide somehow set her off?</p><p>But then she saw him, and she <em>grinned</em>.</p><p>"Er—what's up?"</p><p>Lily reached out a hand for him. "Get over here."</p><p>He vaguely comprehended that that should have made him move faster, but instead he only moved slower as he drifted up to her.</p><p>"What—"</p><p>But she had grabbed a fistful of his shirt and was pulling him towards her as she reached up on tiptoes for him, and he had enough sense not to question <em>that</em> and to just lean down the rest of the way and kiss her.</p><p>Her lips were eager, her tongue insistent, her hands grabby, and James was bewildered beyond belief in trying to figure out what exactly he had done or said to warrant such an enthusiastic greeting.</p><p>"Evans—hold on—what—"</p><p>"Everyone's—occupied—had to get you—alone."</p><p>He pulled back from her, catching her face in his hands, saw her eyes shining, her cheeks pink. She had probably drank enough to be slightly tipsy, but she was most definitely in control. She just…<em>wanted</em> him.</p><p>That familiar swooping sensation rushed through his whole body. Lily Evans <em>wanted</em> him. <em>Lily Evans</em>. She hadn't changed her mind from The Conversation, like he'd spent nearly every waking moment worrying she would. She hadn't been embarrassed or put off by what had happened between them the night before, like he'd spent nearly all day worrying she had been. She hadn't enjoyed hanging out with another bloke so much she'd given him up already, like he'd spent the whole past hour worrying she did.</p><p>She had faked a row just to get him alone. To snog him. In the middle of Hogsmeade.</p><p>He wasn't sure his ego could take it.</p><p>Lily was smirking at him, pulling him closer. "What'd you think about my <em>mate date</em>, Potter?"</p><p>His mouth fell open. "You—how—"</p><p>She reached up for his neck, brushed her lips right against his pulse. "Might have seen you all staring. Might have overheard Sirius after."</p><p>Thank fuck she couldn't see how much he was blushing just then. He forced the words out: "You seemed like you were having fun."</p><p>She broke away from his neck to look up at him. "I was having fun. With my <em>friend</em>."</p><p>And then she reached down and pressed her hand over his jeans where he was already stupidly hard for her, smiling wickedly up at him as she went on, "And now I'm reminding the boy I like that I like him so he'll stop looking like a lost puppy around all our friends."</p><p>James swallowed hard. His mind was racing. She noticed that? She <em>understood</em> him well enough to know exactly what he'd been feeling insecure over <em>and</em> know how to reassure him? Also, she really did <em>like</em> him? Enough to just casually call him <em>the boy I like</em>?</p><p>She was perfect. In every way possible under the sun. He would never be convinced otherwise.</p><p>Lily wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him tighter against her as she rubbed his length through his jeans, and James groaned, his eyes closing fleetingly as the sensation refocused his thoughts on his very visible, very throbbing, <em>need</em> for her.</p><p>"Evans—<em>fuck</em>."</p><p>"Our row's probably over by now, don't you think?"</p><p>His eyes snapped open. "Don't you fucking dare, Evans. Don't you <em>fucking dare</em> tease me like that."</p><p>She bit her lip, her eyes glinting mischievously at him. "Or what, Potter?"</p><p>Or he would implode? Declare his love for her? Go back inside and break Garrytt Ollivander's face out of sheer sexual frustration?</p><p>He breathed hard through his nose. "<em>Evans</em>—"</p><p>Lily pulled them deeper into the nook of the stone wall and the tower of crates, her left arm still tight around his waist, lining up the side of their bodies as if they were dancing, and then her other hand went to his button and fly and James understood; she was positioning them—<em>shielding</em> them. His heart started hammering in anticipation. She was actually going to <em>do</em> this.</p><p>Fuck, he loved this girl.</p><p>Bracing one hand on the stone wall, wrapping the other around her shoulders, completing the shield of their lined-up side, he angled his torso so his shirt hung forward over the front of his jeans, giving her space to pull down his zipper and take him in her grasp while keeping that particular activity hidden from sight.</p><p>"Tell me what you want, Potter."</p><p>Who was she and what had she done with Lily Evans?</p><p>She gave him a teasing squeeze.</p><p>Never mind, he didn't care, this Lily Evans was perfect and should certainly stay.</p><p>He lowered his voice, barely more than a whisper. "Jerk me off, right fucking now."</p><p>Her eyebrows raised.</p><p>"Fuck, <em>please</em>."</p><p>She smiled, something wicked as she bit her lip, and then she did. She didn't waste any time, going straight to the kind of stroke he'd showed her that night on the common room sofa, and soon her hand was slippery with all the moisture she'd gathered from the tip of him, and her thumb was swirling over his head as she tugged, and she kept her other arm wrapped firmly around his waist, her fingers splaying at his back, keeping them shielded, and even better than all of that, she tilted her head up towards his ear and <em>whispered</em> to him, like he usually did to her.</p><p>"You know I can't get enough of watching you—your <em>face</em>—you're so fucking <em>hot</em>, Potter, I don't get it, what you do to me, but I just fucking <em>want </em>you all the time. You kept <em>staring</em> at me all afternoon and I had to focus so fucking <em>hard</em> on not getting distracted because just seeing you made me think about last night and I was getting so <em>wet</em>—"</p><p>That almost undid him, and he released a string of hissed swear words into her hair.</p><p>"I need to watch you come, Potter."</p><p>He was tensing, could feel his abdominals contracting, his pressure building already just from being so worked up from her <em>all the fucking time </em>and hearing her say all those <em>fucking sexy things</em>.</p><p>She nuzzled into his neck, made a throaty little sound, and he didn't even care that she could just <em>do that on purpose</em> because it <em>worked</em> and he was suddenly <em>there</em>—</p><p>"Do that again. <em>Now</em>, Evans."</p><p>He could sense her smiling, but she acquiesced, made another throaty little sound as she pumped him even harder. His eyes were squinting shut, his fingers scrabbling at the wall where he braced himself, his other hand squeezing whatever part of Lily he could grab.</p><p>"Fuck, you're huge, James, you're right there. Come on. Let me watch you. J, <em>come</em>—"</p><p>"Oi, Pro—"</p><p>James's head whipped over his shoulder, saw Sirius standing there with his mouth open, holding his bottle of mead in one hand and a partially smoked joint in the other, and James didn't even have time to think, or comprehend anything, he only threw up a hand, holding up a finger, the strangest <em>wait a sec</em> he could have ever imagined, because he was coming, <em>hard</em>, and Lily's hand was closing over him, catching it all in her palm as her other arm squeezed even tighter around him, like she was trying to help him stay steady as his knees threatened to give out and his hips jerked involuntarily into her hand and he pressed his mouth against the top of her hair, muffling his groans as his face scrunched. He kept bracing against the wall, holding onto Lily, needing to lean on her to stay upright as he tried to focus on his breath, deep and slow, and recover from the waves of climax that had just crashed over him. He couldn't see Lily's face, didn't know if Sirius was still there, vaguely wondered whether everyone inside The Three Broomsticks had gathered behind him by that point, but then Lily's voice, something gentle, broke him from his thoughts.</p><p>"James. You alright?"</p><p>He looked down at her, saw her eyes glittering. His voice was raspy when he answered, "Yeah, just—<em>fuck</em>, Lil."</p><p>She nodded, then looked beyond James and asked, "Keep guarding us, will you?"</p><p>"You got it, Swish."</p><p>Oh yeah. Sirius. James looked back over his shoulder, caught Sirius's eye. His friend winked and returned to his post as lookout, and James turned back to Lily, who had pulled out her wand and was vanishing his release from all over her hand. She cleaned him up too, and he tucked himself away, then pulled her close to him, pressing his lips against her forehead.</p><p>"If you can stop being cute for a second…"</p><p>Sirius wandered up to them, looking between them with an amused expression on his face, and he clapped James on the shoulder, though he had the sense to keep his voice down.</p><p>"Prongs, I—I have no words. But I think we just took our friendship to the next level, because I just saw you get <em>jacked off</em> behind <em>The Three Broomsticks</em>. Like, what the <em>fuck</em>?"</p><p>Sirius looked bewildered, but then incredulously impressed as he turned his attention to Lily. "And <em>you</em>. Damn, Swish. Either you have heretofore unknown powers, or you've just turned him into a fucking <em>sap</em>, because that was a fast fucking handy."</p><p>James ducked his face into his hand, feeling the flush rising around his cheeks.</p><p>Sirius now wrapped arms around them both, pulling them into a group hug. "I sorta feel like we had a threesome. Just me?"</p><p>Lily swatted Sirius in the stomach, and he laughed as he flinched away from her.</p><p>"Pads—"</p><p>Sirius turned his gray eyes back on James, a rare look of sincerity passing over his usually haughty features, but then his face cracked into a grin and he said, "Yeah, I know, Prongs. I won't tell <em>anyone</em> I just saw you come all over your dream girl—don't blush, Evans, you know it's true—in a fucking <em>alley</em>."</p><p>James thought his face was surely burning. "Fuck, Pads."</p><p>Sirius was laughing, jostling James's shoulder, and even though James was somewhere between mortified and shocked, he found himself laughing along with him, and soon Lily was laughing, dabbing her eyes as she watched the two of them, and then the three of them were just stuck in a laughing fit and they only made their way back inside when Mary came out, hands on her hips, wondering why her friends had all disappeared into the alley, and Sirius, still laughing, looped an arm around her shoulders and said, not bothering to keep his voice down, "I was just trying to convince them they'd rather be shagging than rowing, and you know, I think I might've made some progress…"</p><p>James met Lily's eye, and she flashed him a sly smile, and they fell in step behind their friends, following them back into the pub.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>James was living in a dream. Perhaps had fallen into some hallucinogenic state. Maybe was really lying in the Hospital Wing with a raging fever. Nothing else explained how impossibly perfect life suddenly was.</p><p>Because Lily had sat by him in the common room when they all spent hours drinking more mead and playing cards after making the trek from The Three Broomsticks back to Gryffindor Tower. And then she had snuck up to his dormitory with him when everyone still downstairs was too drunk to notice, and he didn't even care that she was already gone, snuck back to her room, when he woke up in the morning because he had the memory of cuddling with her just before he fell asleep.</p><p>And then she chatted with him at mealtimes. And stood by him in Defense. And joked with him and Sirius during Transfiguration. And walked with him down the corridor between classes. And suddenly, it felt like the entire dynamic between him and Lily had changed. Like a wall had come down. (Or maybe several walls.) Like they had always interacted like this, as normal as breathing, as lighthearted as joking around with Mary or Sirius or Remus.</p><p>And all of that was capped off on Wednesday afternoon, when he got back from Herbology, covered in dirt and ash from repotting fire seed bushes, and saw a note on his bed.</p><p>
  <em>You said to find you?</em>
</p><p>A grin split across his face as he immediately thought back to their night in the abandoned classroom after their Astronomy Tower stake-out.</p><p>It was time for Secret Date #1.</p><p>James formulated the plan in the shower, shared only necessary details with the lads, and then whiled away time in his dorm, not going to the Head's Office where he could see she was, and then even skipping dinner so he wouldn't see her, sending off his friends armed with the excuse that some Quidditch Captain <em>stuff</em> had come up that he was dealing with, and he'd be back when it was sorted. As soon as he could see from the map that their friends had cleared a few floors and that the common room and the girls' dormitory were both empty for dinner, he flew up to the girls' room (like, had the founders not flown? Because really, what good was a staircase that turned into a slide when there were these things called <em>broomsticks</em>?), picked out her bed from the Muggle photo of her parents on the nightstand and Pan purring near her pillow, and left the invisibility cloak, the map (wiped blank—he was confident she'd remember), and a return note on the back of hers.</p><p><em>I did. Come find me</em>.</p><p>And then, after returning his broomstick to his own room, he jogged down the stairs of the elf passages, had a brief hang and his own quick dinner with some of his favorite house-elves, including Wemby, and then slipped out of the castle with a couple of tartan blankets in tow, courtesy of the house-elves' stash of linens.</p><p>He picked a spot by the lake that he and Dahlia had actually found, and that had become their go-to outdoor locale for its seclusion and obscurity; in all the times they had gone there, they had never once been interrupted, nor even heard anyone in their general vicinity. It was on the opposite side of the sloping lawn where students usually gathered, far behind the vegetable patches, in the little area where the lake's edge blended with the Forbidden Forest. The way the lake curved, there was a small patch not far from the water's edge, bordered by trees and thick shrubbery, that allowed a view out over the lake while blocking that spot from the opposite bank's line of vision.</p><p>Perfect, in other words, for some time alone by the lake without being spotted from afar.</p><p>James spread out the blankets, laid on his back with his hands laced behind his head, mapped constellations to keep his mind busy, and waited.</p><p>His stag-attuned ears alerted him to her footsteps several seconds before she revealed herself. She was still in her school clothes, as was he, and her hair was pulled into a low, messy ponytail that day. She was already smiling at him, the thrill of the note and the scavenger hunt written all over her face.</p><p>She dropped the cloak near the edge of the blanket along with the map and her wand, and sat down next to him. He pulled himself up, resting his weight on his palm, and took in her curious expression, her eyes shining through the dark.</p><p>"Hey, Evans."</p><p>She smirked. "Hey, Potter."</p><p>"You remembered how to use the map."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "As if I could ever forget something as ridiculous as <em>that</em> incantation."</p><p>He chuckled and reached a hand up to her face, pushing an escaped strand of hair behind her ear. "I haven't shown you how to clear it, have I?"</p><p>She shook her head. "Let me guess, <em>I have momentarily finished wreaking havoc</em>?"</p><p>James laughed in earnest at that, his head falling back as his chest shook. "Fuck, Evans, that's good. Really good. Might need to consider changing it. But no, it's <em>mischief managed</em>."</p><p>Lily giggled and rolled her eyes. "You boys are <em>unbelievable</em>, you know that?"</p><p>"We're pretty clever, yeah."</p><p>She calmed down from her laughter and something in her face just then was almost…<em>shy</em>. Vaguely, James realized this was the first time they had met up intentionally to have sex. Every other time they'd done anything had happened after they were already together, had already been around each other for something else.</p><p>He leaned in closer. "So I haven't kissed you since Saturday."</p><p>She bit her lip, shook her head. "Nope."</p><p>"That's too many days, Evans."</p><p>He could tell she was blushing, and he didn't give her time to respond before he pressed his lips against hers, felt her kiss him back, and soon he was pulling her back down to the ground with him, hands threading in her hair as she leaned over him, tongue tracing his lips, her own hand running over his chest, starting to deftly unbutton his shirt. James sighed, something like a soft groan escaping him as he felt the touch of her skin on his, her hand now sliding down his stomach, down towards his hips, down even more to where he was straining in his trousers.</p><p>"Evans." He broke away from her mouth, hissing as she squeezed. "You need to get on me."</p><p>She lifted up from his face and straddled him, nestling perfectly over him in a way that made all his blood instantly surge south, if it wasn't there already. "Is that so?"</p><p>He closed his eyes fleetingly. "<em>Fuck</em>, Evans. You <em>already</em> feel good."</p><p>She chuckled, unbuttoning her own shirt to show him a satin bra, nearly the color of her skin, edged in delicate lace and pushing up her breasts to the most perfect rounded cleavage he'd ever seen. Her skin was so pale it almost glittered in the moonlight, and he saw the soft ridges of the bottom of her ribs peeking out over the edge of her skirt where it rode up from sitting on him.</p><p>He was getting close just looking at her.</p><p>"Lily—"</p><p>She just cocked a brow, then traced her finger down the middle of his chest, through the center of his abs, down the sides of his obliques. Her eyes snapped back up to his, a sly smile on her face.</p><p>"You know, I think your abs <em>are</em> the best, Potter."</p><p>Heat swirled in his stomach, pleasure purring in his chest. Lily Evans was <em>into</em> him. <em>Lily Evans</em>. He didn't think that would ever get old, or any less surprising.</p><p>"I think you're just the best at everything."</p><p>She gave him a skeptical look. He didn't even mean it as a line, he just genuinely meant it.</p><p>"I'm serious. You're incredible. You look—fucking incredible."</p><p>With a grin that was somehow mischievous but also slightly shy, Lily scooted back just enough to undo his belt and fly, and he lifted his hips for her to shimmy down his trousers and briefs. She touched him lightly, trailing soft fingertips up his length, and he instinctively pressed his hips toward her hand, already far too aroused even though she'd barely touched him.</p><p>Lily stood on her knees, shifted a few paces closer so she was hovering over him, and then reached for his hand and pressed it to her leg. "Touch me."</p><p>Fuck. He slid his hand up her leg, sought the edge of her knickers, and froze. Because there weren't any. His mouth fell open. Lily's smile was <em>wicked</em>. Fuck fuck fuck.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>She quirked a brow. "Makes it easier, no?"</p><p>He swiped his fingers around her entrance as his answer, his chest purring as he watched her eyes drop shut and mouth fall slightly at the contact. She was <em>wet</em>, and he had only had his fingers in her for a few moments before she squirmed and pulled at his forearm, saying, "Fuck, I can't wait."</p><p>And before his brain really had time to catch up, what with her breasts looking like <em>that </em>and her hair falling around her face in that <em>way</em>, she was sliding down him, taking him fully inside, and jolts of pleasure were zinging through his body at the contact, the slippery resistance, the sudden heat. She gasped, eyes wide, as she adjusted to him, and he slid his hands up her thighs to hold onto her hips, flashing her a smile.</p><p>"How do I feel this way?"</p><p>Her voice was breathless. "Incredible. <em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>She started to move against him, tentatively at first, and he thrust up gently to meet her as he let his eyes drift closed. "Find what you like, Evans."</p><p>Her breath was shallow, her hands resting lightly against his chest. "What do <em>you</em> like?"</p><p>He licked his lips, reached for her hands, threaded their fingers together, then met her gaze. "Everything."</p><p>It didn't take Lily long to find her rhythm, and she was making soft mewling noises, squeezing his hands tightly in hers, and then, without warning, she <em>clenched</em> around him on her next upward stroke, sending dizzying bursts of pleasure through his veins. James hastily bit his lip to stifle his own groan.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Lily."</p><p>She smiled down at him, and suddenly the sight of her was overwhelming, the deja vu too strong. Lily Evans was astride him, <em>riding</em> him, her head tipping back against the backdrop of a starry night sky as she sighed in pleasure, her breasts more perfect in real life than he'd ever imagined, and he was consumed with her heat and her slipperiness and those throaty little <em>noises</em>, and then she clenched around him <em>again</em> and all of a sudden he realized that even though they'd barely gotten started in earnest, he was <em>there</em>—</p><p>His whisper was urgent, heated. "<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>She purred back, "Gods, you feel so good, James."</p><p>Fuck. She was going to start saying things like <em>that</em>? <em>Now</em>?</p><p>"Wait—"</p><p>"Hmm?" She plunged down over him again.</p><p>"I'm too—<em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>Another one of those throaty little noises, this time followed by a sighed, "<em>James</em>."</p><p>"<em>Lily wait</em>—I'm—"</p><p>She must have recognized the edge in his voice that time, because her eyes snapped open, wide in surprise. He bit his lip, trying to distract himself, trying to course-correct, trying to bring himself back down, but nothing was working, and she was still sliding over him, and suddenly he knew there was no turning back, and maybe she did too, and maybe that was why she chose to slide up the slowest she had yet, clenching all the way like she was trying to pull his orgasm out of him, looking straight in his eyes with that <em>look</em>, something like mischief but also like affection, and then he was coming, shuddering, bucking up against her as she slid back down, taking him deep before giving him a few quick thrusts as he came, and if he wasn't already seeing stars, he did then, shattering into a thousand pieces, and, still clasping her hands, eyes still closed, he laid his head back on the blanket, letting the tension from being curled up in climax drop from his shoulders, feeling like a fifteen-year-old who had just gotten touched for the first time.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his voice now the one that was breathless. "I'm sorry. I don't know—what just happened. I just—you felt <em>amazing</em>, and all of a sudden—"</p><p>Lily released one of his hands to put a finger to his lips. "Shh. I take it as the highest compliment that you barely lasted a minute with me on top of you."</p><p>James rarely blushed, but he did just then, bringing his hands to his face and rubbing his eyes under his glasses as he chuckled. "Fuck."</p><p>He looked back up at her, her face a picture of amusement. "Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing this is? Evans—I just came faster than I did the first time I got a <em>blowjob</em>, and let me tell you, that was fucking fast."</p><p>Lily snorted into bubbling laughter, immediately slapping a hand to her mouth, and the sensation of her body shaking like that reminded him that he was still inside her, and even though he was laughing with her, he pushed against her hips gently, saying, "I need you to get off for a bit," and she complied, sliding off of him and sitting back on her palms next to him, her head tilting back in giggles.</p><p>James laid back down on his back, pulled his feet flat on the ground so his knees were up, and rubbed his face again. "Merlin, <em>fuck</em>, Evans."</p><p>She reached over and patted his chest playfully. "It's okay, Potter. We'll get up to two minutes next time."</p><p>James's mouth dropped open as he looked over at her. "Was that—are you—did you just take the <em>mick</em> about me not being able to<em> last</em> for you?"</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows and shrugged, trying to keep a straight face, but the smile tugging at the side of her mouth gave her away.</p><p>She flopped down next to him, propping her head up on her elbow as she said dramatically, "Well, you know, it's just that I hear all these <em>stories</em> about this <em>Quidditch Captain</em> who has this <em>magical dick</em> that can go for <em>hours</em> and get a girl <em>three times</em> and—"</p><p>James had never blushed so hard in his life, but he also couldn't stop chuckling, was shaking his head as she talked, waving his hand to get her to stop.</p><p>"No, no, those are all wrong—how the <em>real </em>story goes is, there's this <em>Head Boy</em> who, okay, does have a magical dick that can normally go for a decent enough amount of time, but who is rendered completely <em>helpless</em> against the <em>prowess</em> and <em>beauty</em> and <em>amazingness</em> of this <em>Head Girl</em>."</p><p>Lily was laughing, and he could tell she was blushing even in the dark. She looked over at him through her lashes, and he reached for her, pulling her head down towards his so he could kiss her, something soft.</p><p>When their kiss broke, he held onto her face and said quietly, "I mean it, Evans. I'm—"</p><p>He cut himself off, realizing that what he had <em>thought</em>, what he might have accidentally said, the natural ending to that sentence, was <em>I'm in love with you</em>. Lily had gone very still, holding her breath, like she knew how that sentence would normally end, like she was bracing for it, and James's mind raced for something else to say, something just as meaningful but not as potent, and in the milliseconds it took for him to process all of this, he landed on, "I'm mad about you. You know this."</p><p>She smiled softly at him. "I do know." She scooted closer; their noses brushed. "And you're starting to drive me a little mad too, you know."</p><p>James's stomach turned over, some fluttery feeling taking off in his chest, zinging through his body. "Is that right?"</p><p>She nodded, ducking around his mouth. "Mhmm. So mad, that if I were a boy, I might not even last a minute."</p><p>James couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face, and he kissed her again, pulling her down so she was partially on top of him, cradling her cheeks in his hands. It wasn't long until their kisses turned from soft and sweet to deep and exploring, and Lily's hand was trailing down over his chest, lingering across his abdomen, tracing muscles, and then sliding lower, and he knew what she'd find, waited for the soft intake of breath as she felt him, hard again for her. Lily pulled back slightly, her fingertips trailing up his length, as she whispered, "Ready for round two?"</p><p>James grinned. "Get on me, Evans."</p><p>This time, Lily went straight to the rhythm and angle she'd liked before, and this time, James caressed her thighs and hips and breasts without threat of coming immediately undone, and this time he leaned back on his palms for awhile as he watched her chase down her release, obsessed with that look of raw abandon and pleasure on her face, and telling her so, along with other dirty nothings that he knew she liked by how she smiled even when her eyes were closed. And then this time, as he felt her pressure building, he gave into all of those senses he'd lost himself in before, let himself build up with her until he could tell she was getting <em>really</em> close, her muscles starting to contract around him, her whimpers getting more frantic, and he sat up fully against her, sinking hands into the hair around her face, feeling her breasts squished against him, the mixture of soft skin and satin bra and supple heaviness sliding against his chest almost enough to undo him on its own.</p><p>She was squirming against him, clawing at shoulders, chest, sides, neck, and <em>fuck</em> she was so <em>wet</em>, and she fit so <em>snug</em> against him, and she kept <em>clenching</em>, and making her throaty little <em>noises</em>—</p><p>"James," she whispered. "Fuck, I'm close."</p><p>Her green eyes were liquid, her skin almost eerily translucent in the moonlight.</p><p>"Me too. Come on, I need to feel you."</p><p>Lily's eyes were scrunching but she was biting her lip, like something wasn't quite there, like she needed something.</p><p>He kissed the corner of her mouth. "Talk to me."</p><p>"Um." She swallowed, breathing hard. "More…pressure, maybe."</p><p>James released her face, dropping his hands to slip under her skirt and grab her hips, giving her an extra pull as she moved against him, and a ringing moan escaped her before she clamped her lips on his neck.</p><p>"That's it, come on. You're right there, Lil."</p><p>He could tell she was zeroing in by how her thrusts became smaller but faster, her muscles contracting more around him now, and he gave her the resistance she needed, holding her tight against him, and her fingers were raking through his hair, her voice in his ear a babbling stream of <em>J, fuck</em>, and <em>J, yes</em>, and he felt her pressure break, her whole body quivering, and he was babbling back, a litany of <em>fuck </em>and<em> Lily </em>and<em> baby </em>and his own yeses and more fucks, and then he came again, finally pulled over by the sensation of her spasms around him.</p><p>They kissed, something passionate and deep and not like they had just spent themselves in each other, and then Lily was pulling back, breathing hard, resting her forehead against his as she panted, "<em>Fuck</em>, Potter. What <em>even</em>—"</p><p>He smiled, scratching her back lightly under her shirt. "That was all you, Lil."</p><p>She raised her eyes to his, like she hardly believed it, and James chuckled. "Have I created a monster?"</p><p>She answered with no hesitation. "Yes. I don't understand what you <em>do</em> to me, Potter."</p><p>He nuzzled her nose with his. "If it's anywhere close to what you do to <em>me</em>, Evans, then we're in trouble."</p><p>She gave him a strange look. "Trouble?"</p><p>"Yes. Risk of constant spontaneous combustion. Or just coming in my pants."</p><p>She dissolved into giggles again. "Well, at least we know you can pass the two minute mark."</p><p>James chuckled. "No promises. Could have been a fluke."</p><p>Lily pushed his hair off his forehead, setting James's stomach fluttering at the affection of it, and she studied him for a moment before she said, "We never did get to finish our game the other night."</p><p>"I believe it was your turn."</p><p>"It was." She bit her lip, a smirk playing on her face, and then said, "Never have I ever had someone get me off behind The Three Broomsticks."</p><p>James chewed his cheek. He fucking hated losing. "You <em>minx</em>."</p><p>Lily's eyes glittered.</p><p>"Is that a challenge?"</p><p>She shrugged, but the glint in her eye said it was.</p><p>"Does that mean you're going with me? To Hogsmeade?"</p><p>Lily pushed his chest playfully. "You can't ask me that yet, it's too soon. We have a Plan, remember?"</p><p>"Ah, yes." He cleared his throat. "That. <em>The Plan</em>."</p><p>She swatted him again. "Don't make fun, <em>you're</em> the one that came up with it in the first place."</p><p>He grinned and pulled her against him, whispering directly in her ear. "Okay, Evans. I won't ask you yet. But I will ask you later, and you're going to say yes, because then I'm going to take you on the best fucking date you've ever had, and we're not going to go anywhere near Madam Puddifut's, and we're going to bring the cloak, and I'm going to push you against the back of The Three Broomsticks and finger you until you can't stand up anymore."</p><p>He heard her breath catch in her throat.</p><p>"Sound like a plan?"</p><p>"It sounds like we're in so much fucking trouble."</p><p>James grinned. He rather liked a good dose of healthy trouble. Especially this kind.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Positive It Was Only Claws</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Thursday, Charms, scrap of spare parchment, desk of Remus Lupin and James Potter:</p><p>J: <em>what word has that many letters?<br/></em>R: <em>play the damn game and find out<br/></em>J: <em>it's not a spell?<br/></em>R: <em>no<br/></em>J: <em>L<br/></em>R: <em>why am I not surprised…<br/></em>J: <em>damn. E<br/></em>R: <em>so f* predictable</em></p><p>_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ <em>E</em> _ _ _</p><p>J: <em>shut up. I</em></p><p><em>_ I _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _</em> <em>E _ _ _</em></p><p>J: <em>Y<br/></em>R:<em> its obvs not her name if there's no L</em></p><p><em>_ I _ Y _ _ _ _ _ _ Y</em> <em>E _ _ _</em></p><p>J: <em>A</em></p><p><em>_ I _ Y _ _ _ _ A _ Y</em> <em>E _ _ _</em></p><p>J: <em>V<br/></em>R: <em>I told you, not her name<br/></em>J: <em>just checking. N</em></p><p><em>_ I _ Y _ _ _ _ A _ Y</em> <em>E _N _</em></p><p>J: <em>J<br/></em>R: <em>no<br/></em>J: <em>P<br/></em>R: <em>that's both arms<br/></em>J: <em>O</em></p><p><em>_ I _ Y</em> <em>O _ _ _ A _ Y</em> <em>E _N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>J: <em>U</em></p><p><em>_ I _ Y</em> <em>O</em> <em>U _ _ A _ Y</em> <em>E _N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>J: <em>moony. that's not one f* word.<br/></em>R: <em>dunno what you mean?<br/></em>J:<em> that's a f* y/n ?<br/></em>R: <em>play the f* game<br/></em>J: <em>S</em></p><p><em>_ I _ Y</em> <em>O</em> <em>U</em> <em>S _ A _ Y</em> <em>E</em> <em>S N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>J: <em>you bastard. D</em></p><p><em>D</em> <em>I</em> <em>D</em> <em>Y</em> <em>O</em> <em>U</em> <em>S _ A _ Y</em> <em>E</em> <em>S N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>J: <em>H</em></p><p><em>D</em> <em>I</em> <em>D</em> <em>Y</em> <em>O</em> <em>U</em> <em>S</em> <em>H</em> <em>A _ Y</em> <em>E</em> <em>S N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>J: <em>G</em></p><p><em>D</em> <em>I</em> <em>D</em> <em>Y</em> <em>O</em> <em>U</em> <em>S</em> <em>H</em> <em>A</em> <em>G</em> <em>Y</em> <em>E</em> <em>S N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>R: <em>well?<br/></em>J: <em>you're sworn to secrecy<br/></em>R: <em>Marauder's honor</em></p><p><em>D</em> <em>I</em> <em>D</em> <em>Y</em> <em>O</em> <em>U</em> <em>S</em> <em>H</em> <em>A</em> <em>G</em> <span class="u"><em> Y </em> <em> E </em> </span><em><span class="u"> S</span> </em> <em>N</em> <em>O</em></p><p>R: <em>proud of you, prongs</em></p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p><em>So you were right, and her name is Lily, not Evans. I don</em> <em>'t think I've shared the big news on that: we do sometimes call each other by our first names now, though she's mostly still Evans to me. But now that I've learned what her first name really is, I'll refer to her as L since that's quicker to write. -wink-</em></p><p><em>Anyway. L and I have been spending more time together outside of just Heads</em> <em>' stuff and actually having fun. Maybe when we're not busy hating each other, we're more alike than I thought? I'm feeling more confident about a date on the next Hogsmeade weekend. Will keep you posted.</em></p><p><em>Also, remember when I told you how Slughorn asked about the </em> <em>"rumor" he'd heard? Well, I overheard some Slytherins talking about that rumor today. Not really sure why they care, but assuming it came from Sluggy, unless word has gotten out more than I realized. Figured you'd want to know. </em></p><p>
  <em>Off to hang with my new friend L, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>James, darling, </em>
</p><p><em>I</em> <em>'m so happy to hear you and "L" are getting along better. It sounds like a first date is exactly what you both need to take the next step, and I can't wait to hear about it. Also, thank you for letting me know. That blasted man does not know when to keep his bloody mouth shut. Not that it really matters, but anything that piques Slytherins' interests is generally not good these days. I'll keep Albus informed, he has also been especially curious about this whole thing. </em></p><p>
  <em>Tell L hello from me, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mum</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>In true Gryffindor fashion, Friday's common room party was a rager. Everyone seemed to be wound up from it being a beautiful fall day, the prospect of a Sunday spent studying was still far in the distant future, and the Marauders (as Lily could now refer to them in her head with a giggle) had plied them all with Butterbeer, Firewhisky, and bottled mead, which she now knew came from a combination of overzealous house-elves and the boys' covert Three Broomsticks run on James's tab. The common room had also been transformed. Sirius and James had put out most of the lights and charmed a multicolor flame to float in the center of the room like a flickering disco ball, half of the common room had been overtaken by a raunchy impromptu dance party with Kingsley DJ'ing from a charmed stereo, and the other half was being dominated by an intense goblets tournament.</p><p>And Lily was tipsy. Quite tipsy, actually. It wasn't often that she let her hair down—literally <em>and</em> figuratively—but it also wasn't often that her week included Slytherins tailing her every move and being sent on a scavenger hunt to find and then shag one James Potter. Who was just…perfect. Well, okay, he was still a bit cocky (though arrogance sort of suited him), and he was still mouthy (though she rather enjoyed their playful banter), and he was definitely needy for compliments (though she didn't mind stroking his ego when she knew he'd smile at her like that). But all of that aside, he was nothing she'd use to imagine he was. He wasn't just fun, he was <em>funny</em>. And he wasn't just charming, he was <em>sweet</em>. And perhaps, more than anything, the one distinctive quality that now set him apart from everything he'd ever been before: he was <em>discreet</em>.</p><p>He wasn't asking her out in the hallway. He wasn't shouting at her across the lawn. He wasn't pestering her or pressuring her or antagonizing her. He was leaving her notes. He was giving sneaky back touches as he passed by her in the hall. He was talking to her like a normal person at mealtimes, like she had always been his friend. Just the night before, he had sat by her and Remus while they did their usual Thursday routine of pulling their hair out over Arithmancy problems, and he had done all the work on their September Heads' report for Dumbledore and told her she wasn't allowed to worry about it because she had more important homework to do. And though Remus hadn't been able to hide his smile when James had slipped and said "Lil" in a normal sentence, Lily genuinely couldn't tell if James had told his friends about them, and, even more to her surprise, she found she didn't mind if he did. Because hadn't Remus kept her own secret when he'd walked in on her that time with Lane? And hadn't James told her that Remus would keep something even from Sirius if he asked? And, aside from a playful tease in their Potions notes, hadn't Sirius acted like his own walk-in hadn't happened? And hadn't she born witness to the depth of all of their respect and trust for each other? And hadn't she been welcomed, in their own way, into that?</p><p>It all left her feeling rather warm and fuzzy, and with all of that being on top of spending Wednesday night literally on top of James, she was positively besotted.</p><p>So homework be damned (she would regret it tomorrow), she had donned her favorite black skinny jeans and a slinky black sweater that draped off one shoulder, let Marlene give her hair big, tousled waves that would rival even Adelaide's bounce, and, for reasons she now fully admitted, picked out matching black knickers and strapless bra that she very much wanted James seeing.</p><p>She had been dancing with Mary and Marlene for awhile, but then, slightly winded and very thirsty, she had sunk down on the sofa for a rest just as James and Sirius dramatically lost at goblets to a pair of fifth years; Sirius had set off for more booze and the dance floor in a huff, and James had sunk down next to Lily, where they had stayed, finishing their drinks and then starting their next ones, as James told her stories about pranks they had done using the map.</p><p>She lay back against the sofa, shrunk down in the squishy cushions, a hand on her stomach as she laughed so hard tears were starting to leak out of her eyes. James sat next to her, gesturing wildly with the hand holding his own mead, as he sat with his body angled slightly over her, recounting the full story of a time when they had used the map to steal into Filch's quarters while he was showering, filch all of his trousers, and leave him a scavenger hunt of clues to find them again, which he had followed, setting off in just his dressing gown, legs bare from the knees down. The clues had led him to the Trophy Room, where an after-hours gathering of Slytherins was but his trousers were not. And so, getting two birds with one stone, as they say, James and his friends had managed to get the Slytherins in trouble while getting Filch to walk around the castle in just his dressing gown, and they had somehow avoided detention because, as McGonagall had told them, though no other students in the school could have managed such a feat, there was no evidence, either actual or circumstantial, that they had had any involvement.</p><p>"So what—" Lily gasped out the words, dabbing at her eyes with her free hand. "What happened—all the trousers—"</p><p>James was overcome with laughter, his shoulders shaking, as he slunk back down next to her in the cushions.</p><p>"Oh, fuck—" He dabbed his eyes, tried to start talking again. "We put—" He was overcome again, practically giggling like a little schoolgirl. "Put them <em>back</em>."</p><p>Lily momentarily calmed. "You—you just put them back?"</p><p>James was nodding, rolling in laughter.</p><p>"I don't—"</p><p>"<em>Evans</em>," James gasped out the words, out of breath from laughing so hard. "He got Slughorn—to deal with the Slytherins—and then McGonagall showed up—Filch took them both—back to his rooms—<em>to show them that his trousers had been stolen</em>."</p><p>Lily's jaw dropped. "And they were <em>all there</em>."</p><p>James' nose was scrunched, chest and shoulders shaking, tears trickling out of the corners of his eyes.</p><p>"We fucking watched 'em, we were all Disillusioned. I followed him the whole time. Slughorn had already—passed Filch—in the hall—saw his dressing gown—his <em>face</em>—"</p><p>Lily succumbed to her own wave of giggles, picturing Slughorn and McGonagall taking in the scene, watching Filch trying to explain that his trousers had all been gone not an hour before.</p><p>"<em>Shit</em>, Potter." Lily dabbed at her eyes again. "That's so <em>mean</em>, but—it's so fucking <em>funny</em>."</p><p>James turned his head toward her, that crinkle-eyed grin plastered on his face. "And here you used to denounce me for doing shit like that."</p><p>She swatted him—"Shut it, Potter"—before taking a drink of her mead.</p><p>"You would have had fun with us, Evans, if you would have given us a chance."</p><p>Lily now knew that this was one hundred percent accurate.</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Maybe some of us <em>like</em> to follow the rules."</p><p>"Nah, it's not that, you've just been afraid of getting in trouble." James shrugged, adding bluntly, "I don't have anything to lose, really, so it was different for me. I think I'd have to actually murder someone to get kicked out of Hogwarts."</p><p>"Gee, lucky us."</p><p>He shoved her bare shoulder playfully. "Lucky <em>me</em>, having such a rule-following Head Girl to keep me in line."</p><p>Her skin felt branded where he had touched her, her insides all fluttery.</p><p>"What am I supposed to say to that, lucky me for having a rule-breaking Head Boy to keep in line?"</p><p>James grinned at her. "You <em>could</em> say you're lucky to have such a dashingly funny Marauder as your Head Boy."</p><p>Lily smirked. "I suppose one of us has to be the dashingly funny one."</p><p>"Cheers, Evans."</p><p>She winked at him.</p><p>James clinked his bottle with hers and took a deep drink of mead, and feeling like she might be flushing, Lily did the same.</p><p>Just then, there was a collective gasp and wild, cheering laughter from the dance floor, and Lily swung her head around to see Ludo and Adelaide wrapped in a tight embrace, snogging animatedly, a charmed rope, glowing bright red and emitting sparks, connecting their wrists.</p><p>Oh, bugger. Someone had started a game of Snare.</p><p>Like most party games, Snare was best played while utterly sloshed, when lowered inhibitions made participation rather easy and one was more likely to wake up the next day with the bliss of no recollection of having played. Because Snare was a kissing game, and not like any other kissing game Lily had ever heard of.</p><p>It had been created, as was Dare, by James and Sirius at the beginning of sixth year, and Mary had first explained it to her as "Snog Dare" meets "spin the bottle" meets "seven minutes in heaven without closets." The bewitched piece of rope would ensnare two victims, pulling them closer together and getting hotter and burning to the touch, and, like their Dare charm, only snogging would release the snare. But not just any snogging—<em>passionate</em> snogging. Only the heat of the kiss would hasten, and ultimately lead to, release of the snare.</p><p>Hence, why Ludo and Adelaide practically eating other's faces was now turning the snare back to a normal-looking rope as it unwound itself from their arms. The crowd on the dance floor cheered, and Lily turned panicked eyes to James. "What if—"</p><p>He grinned at her, something sly, and just said, "Then we play the game, Evans."</p><p>"Right." Suddenly feeling rather hot, Lily got up from the couch, muttered an excuse about needing another drink, and then went and got herself a new drink, thinking she might as well try to get closer to sloshed than she already was if playing Snare was an imminent possibility.</p><p>Which, two drinks later, it happened.</p><p>Just not with James.</p><p>Lily was talking to Mary about something or other when she felt the sparking heat of the snare work its way around her wrist.</p><p>"Ooh, Lil!" Mary's face had lit up with excitement, biting her lip as she and Lily followed the path of the snare with their eyes.</p><p>Mary reached the end first and said, so low Lily barely heard her, "<em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>A few paces away, standing next to James, looking at Lily like she was was Godric himself returned from the dead, and with the snare now working its way around <em>his</em> wrist, was Sirius.</p><p>For several moments, they just stared at each other. The snare started to crackle, small little sparks giving light zaps to her skin. They'd only get worse. People were starting to catcall, getting impatient by the participants' current lack of participation.</p><p>Sirius turned and said something to James. Lily couldn't read his expression, but the two seemed to share a complete conversation with very little words, because then Sirius was making his way over to Lily, a sheepish grin on his face, and the crowd was picking up their enthusiasm. Lily didn't notice Mary had slipped from her side until she saw Mary reappear by James and say something in his ear.</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, turning her attention to Sirius. Wordlessly, he put a hand at her waist and then bent to her ear and whispered, "We never figured how to get the snare off without playing."</p><p>Lily's responding hiss was immediate. "<em>What</em>?"</p><p>Sirius sighed and confessed, "We sort of…combined some charms on our own without really understanding what we did. And we never figured out how to…undo it."</p><p>"So what do we do?"</p><p>Sirius pulled his face right in front of hers, one side of his mouth quirking up in a smile, his gray eyes sparkling. "We play, Swish."</p><p>And before she could process that, Sirius kissed her. His lips were soft, his kiss gentle, and then almost as soon as it had started he was pulling back, so close she could still feel his lips move as he whispered, "You have to kiss me <em>back</em> for this to work, love."</p><p>Lily sighed. "I know, I just—"</p><p>Sirius tightened his hand on her waist and brought his other hand up to her neck. "If it's not him, he'd rather have this be me than someone else, yeah?"</p><p>The force of those words hit her like a punch to the gut. Is that what their little exchange had been about? Or did Sirius just <em>know</em>? And, as surely as if James had just said those words himself, Lily somehow knew they were true. She had seen too much of their friendship up close now to doubt it.</p><p>So with a final, "Yeah," she closed the gap and kissed him back.</p><p>It was strange, making out with someone she didn't have feelings for that way. Lily hadn't kissed a boy she didn't have some sort of feelings for since spin-the-bottle during the summer of sixth year, and now she was so used to kissing James that this was even more jarring. In some ways, they kissed the same. Sirius had just as much finesse, the same softness to his mouth. But in other ways, they were nothing alike. Where James tended to kiss slow, Sirius set a faster pace. And where James gave her plenty of tantalizing kisses even before using his tongue, Sirius skipped straight to it. Maybe it was just the game; the hotter it was, the faster it was over, after all.</p><p>With that thought in her mind, she clutched Sirius as he clutched her, with one hand wrapping around his side and the other sliding deep into his hair. It was soft like James's hair but thicker, longer, and Lily vaguely heard the wild cheering increase as she wound her fingers through those dark locks, holding them back from falling forward into his face. She met his tongue as their heads turned, and the cheer of the onlookers and the lessening temperature on her wrist told her they were making progress. Sirius pulled her tighter against him with the arm that was around her waist, careful to stay on top of her jumper, and Lily felt a gasp rise in her throat as she felt the press of his arousal in her stomach. His fingers tightened, like a silent <em>I know</em>, and Lily didn't break away like she wanted to, but kept playing, pressed her body back against him, kissed him deeper, and finally, <em>finally</em>, the weight of the rope slid away from her wrist and she broke away from his mouth.</p><p>Sirius immediately bent to her ear and whispered, "It's only because I'm a bloke and you have, objectively speaking, many nice, womanly <em>features</em> that were <em>touching</em> me."</p><p>Lily giggled, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, I know, Black."</p><p>Sirius quirked a brow. "My best friend is a lucky bloke."</p><p>Lily flushed, but took the compliment. "Yeah, he is."</p><p>Smiling, Sirius ruffled her hair and then turned to steer them towards their friends, but then they both froze. Because the snare was now on James, and the long rope had stretched across the room to snake around Dahlia.</p><p>Did it bloody <em>know</em> or something? Had they charmed it to be fucking <em>sentient</em>?</p><p>Lily barely noticed when Sirius removed his arm from Lily and turned his attention to Mary, who sidled up between them. Mary gave Lily a fleeting squeeze to Lily's arm, but Lily couldn't look at her, couldn't stand to see whatever concern or curiosity waited there.</p><p>She could only stare, transfixed, at the next couple the game had ensnared.</p><p>Dahlia walked up to James, an unreadable expression on her face—at least to Lily, anyway. James, for his part, didn't look particularly enthused, but also didn't look uncomfortable. There was at least a foot of height difference between them, and it was almost comical to watch as James bent his head down to Dahlia and they exchanged whispered words in each other's ears. But then there was nothing comical about how, having finished their private conversation, James picked Dahlia up, as easily as if she weighed no more than a child, and Dahlia's legs wrapped around him, arms looping around his neck. The intimacy—the <em>familiarity</em>—between them in that moment was unbearable to see, made all the worse because Lily had <em>been</em> there—had been held up in those arms, had had those hands under her, had had her own legs wrapped around that waist and her own arms looped around that neck. It was a visceral level of jealousy she'd never experienced before.</p><p>And then they kissed. They had to, because of the game, and they had to make it steamy, because of the game, but even so, nothing could have prepared Lily for the stab of pain and nausea that ripped through her at the sight of James and Dahlia making out. Lily had even seen them snog before, had watched that World Cup dare, but this was worse, a million times worse. Their rhythm was immediate, easy, like they were picking up right where they had left off without missing a beat, like none of their old chemistry from when they were together had dissipated. Her stomach churned as she watched them. Dahlia's petite frame molded perfectly against James's torso, and James shifted his arms so he was only supporting her with one, cradling her, bringing his other hand up to the back of her neck—to her <em>hair</em>. Dahlia's own hands wound in James's hair, sending another stab, twisting like a knife, through Lily's gut as she watched Dahlia's fingers wind and grasp and pull those jet-black locks Lily had daydreamed about so often she could practically feel them from memory.</p><p>The sensuality of their kiss looked too familiar; Lily recognized it. How many times now had he kissed <em>her</em> like that? Their heads tilted, switched sides, and Lily saw a flash of tongue—whose?—but then James's cheekbone popped and his mouth opened against Dahlia's and Lily got her answer. James. It was James's tongue. She thought she might be sick. But then it got worse: Dahlia's tongue answered back, and her legs tightened, and they lingered in a kiss that was somehow even steamier than any of the players' had been because it was so deliberately, deeply <em>slow</em>.</p><p>Within seconds, their charmed snare broke open, setting them free, and Dahlia raised her hand triumphant in the air, James laughing beneath her, and then he set her down gently, and he ruffled her hair as the snare slid away from them, set off for its next victims, and after all of that, after seeing him pick her up, kiss her, <em>tongue</em> her—seeing him ruffle her hair with that <em>smile</em> was the last straw, the thing that broke her, the thing that sent her slipping from where she stood by Mary and ducking behind the crowd and breaking into a run up the stairs as soon as she was out of sight of the common room and shutting herself behind her bed curtains and casting a silencing charm and pulling her knees into her chest and giving into the ugly tears that came—for James.</p><p>Lily's heart raced. Strangely, she thought that James might be the only boy she'd ever cried over before, when she cried after hearing him bash her to Adelaide last year. Well, she supposed there was Sev, but he didn't count in this kind of <em>boy</em> category. She'd never cried over any of the flings she'd had, even when she'd felt hurt or disappointed. And she hadn't even cried when her and Edgar had called things off, probably because she had been mulling it over herself for weeks before it actually happened, and had felt relief more than anything else at the time.</p><p>And now she was crying over James <em>again</em>. She had never felt like this before. So jealous she felt sick. So hurt she felt cut. And she knew, rationally, that she had no reason to feel hurt, because it's not like he was out there making out with Dahlia on purpose—it was a game. And one with no option of not playing, because its own creators didn't know a way out of it. And hadn't she just done the same thing with Sirius? Had that sliced James the same way?</p><p>It couldn't have. Her and Sirius were just starting to become friends. There was nothing there to be jealous <em>of</em>. James and Dahlia had been a couple as long as her and Edgar had. They had history, <em>memories</em>, inside jokes and habits and <em>secrets</em>. And with a jarring pain deep to her core, Lily understood, in a way she never had before, just how intimately James <em>knew</em> Dahlia—how intimately Dahlia knew <em>him</em>. Lily's mind raced with thoughts of how many times she'd already been intimate with James, how good she'd felt each time, and now she was thinking about how James had done that with Dahlia for <em>more than six months</em>, how Lily had seen that familiarity, that <em>ease</em> between them, just downstairs. And Lily knew, just from watching them, that their chemistry was still there, that it just <em>existed </em>between them, and that even if they didn't have <em>romance</em>, like Dahlia had said they didn't, Lily still <em>knew</em> that if James wanted, he could go have sex with Dahlia right now and still thoroughly enjoy it.</p><p>She wanted to throw up.</p><p>The light screech of a door opening, the soft pads of a few footsteps. "Lily?"</p><p>She closed her eyes, dropped her forehead to her knees.</p><p>There were a few more footsteps, and then when Dahlia spoke, it sounded like she was just on the other side of Lily's bed curtains. "Lily, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now. And I don't even know if you're listening, but in case you are, I'm going to talk for a minute. I—I know that was probably hard to watch. And I understand why you're upset. Especially after what I said last weekend. But Lily, I meant every word, and I still mean them all now. Having to make out for a game of Snare doesn't change <em>anything</em>. It doesn't change what James and I are, which is <em>friends</em>. And it doesn't change what James feels for you, which is…<em>everything</em>."</p><p>Dahlia hesitated, like maybe she was debating what to say, and then she continued, "He, um, told me a little bit. About you two. Just now. And I've always kept James's confidence, I know you know that because you heard all the gossip and pestering I got last year to spill sordid details after all Adelaide's bullshit, and you know I never did. And I'm going to keep his confidence now, but Lily, you should know that the way James feels about you is different than how he's felt for <em>anyone</em> else, including me. I've always known that. I think it's part of why James and I actually became so close as friends, because our feelings didn't get too messy."</p><p>Dahlia paused, sighed, and for a moment Lily thought she might be turning to leave. But then, her voice soft, Dahlia said, "Lily…I'm the girl that helped him grow up, but I'm not the girl he's meant to be with—and I'm not the girl he's <em>in love</em> with."</p><p>Lily's throat closed. Were those Dahlia's words? Or James's? She thought back to the other night, when she'd snuck out to meet him by the lake. Is that what he'd almost said? That he was in love with her? But they had just started all of…<em>this</em>. How could he feel that <em>already</em>? But then, didn't she also sort of…maybe…want him to be?</p><p>Dahlia let that sit for a few seconds, then said quietly, "He looked worried when he realized you'd left. He cares about you, Lily. He doesn't want to hurt you. And I don't either."</p><p>Lily waited until she heard the door close, and then she laid down against her pillow, curled in a ball, and tried to make sense of her racing thoughts, her racing heart—for James.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>She slept in late on Saturday morning, missing breakfast, and by the time she headed down for lunch, none of the Marauders were anywhere to be found. So she packed up her books and headed to the Heads' Office, throwing herself into homework in an effort to distract herself from her still-racing mind yet also listening for the sound of the door opening at any moment. She took a quick break only for dinner, then returned. The Marauders weren't at dinner, either. And James never showed up.</p><p>Lily tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. Were him and Sirius off fighting? Was James upset with <em>her</em>? Was he <em>avoiding</em> her? Would things be awkward now? Would they be the same?</p><p>She managed to finish her beastly Transfiguration essay, and then, feeling rather pathetic at having spent her Saturday night doing homework, she slipped into the elf passages and made the trek back to Gryffindor Landing, feeling a new sense of appreciation for James having shown them to her, as they had proved bloody useful in shaking any Slytherin tail and in giving her peace of mind, since James had assured her Wemby wouldn't let them inside the passages even if they figured out how to ask.</p><p>Lily walked sleepily in the common room, her bag slung over her shoulder. Rubbing her eyes, she noticed the candles were burning low, the light in the room dim. It had to be very late, probably even early Sunday morning. As she made her way across the common room, she realized she wasn't alone: Mary was sprawled on the floor in front of the fire, pages of Herbology notes spread around her.</p><p>Mary looked up as Lily approached and smiled.</p><p>"Hey, Mac," Lily said, folding one leg under her to sit on the sofa. "You're studying on a Saturday night, too?"</p><p>"This Herbology essay is turning out to be a bitch," Mary muttered. "Plus all the boys have gone off somewhere today, and Marly and Dahl went to bed early." She rearranged her pages of notes, biting her lip. "I already feel like I'm behind on class, and we're only a month in."</p><p>Lily stifled a yawn. "Me, too, Mac."</p><p>Mary shook her head. "I truly don't know how you're doing it, Lil. I mean, I have Quidditch, but you have Head Girl, plus two more classes."</p><p>Lily's eyes were heavy, and she stared sleepily into the fire as she said, "It's basically this, every day."</p><p>A crash came from the portrait hole, making Lily jump as she heard Mary curse under her breath, and then the figures of James and Sirius came into view. Lily leapt to her feet, immediately sensing that something was horribly wrong. Sirius's arm was slung limply around James's shoulders, and James held Sirius securely around his waist, practically carrying him. James froze when he noticed Lily and Mary by the fire, panic written all over his face. There was blood oozing from a cut across his cheek, dirt smeared on his skin, a nasty bruise forming on one side of his face, blood splattered all over his clothes, rips in his shirt. Sirius was in an even worse state, the whole front of his zipped hoodie looking shredded and bloodied, his hair matted, more blood splattered around his arms and across his face.</p><p>"Help me," James gasped. Mary raced to Sirius, lifting his other arm over her shoulder, as Lily scooped Sirius' knees under her arms.</p><p>"What the <em>fuck</em> is going on?" Mary's voice was low, careful not to make too much noise and so draw attention.</p><p>"Later," James muttered, as they slowly carried Sirius.</p><p>"Sofa?"</p><p>"No, upstairs."</p><p>Somehow, miraculously, they managed to carry Sirius all the way up the spiral staircase; Lily knew James was bearing most of the load, saw sweat beading down his face and mingling with the blood splattered there, but he didn't say anything, just kept on towards the boys' dormitory. As they came up on the boys' landing, Mary managed to get her wand from her pocket and blast back the door, and the three of them shuffled in and laid Sirius onto his bed.</p><p>James immediately pointed his wand at the door, slamming it shut and locking it. Mary's fingers were at Sirius's throat, feeling his pulse. She let out a sigh of relief as she breathed, "Stable—just unconscious."</p><p>James slumped down on his trunk, his elbows on his knees, as he sucked in deep lungfuls of air.</p><p>"James," Mary said sternly. "Talk, <em>now</em>."</p><p>James shook his head, finally looking up at Lily and Mary. "I can't, I'm sorry." He pushed himself back to his feet. "But we need to check his wounds."</p><p>"His <em>wounds</em>?"</p><p>James strode over to Sirius and started unzipping his hoodie, gingerly peeling it back from Sirius's chest.</p><p>"This isn't my blood, Mac." James's voice was quiet, worried, and the fear in it made Lily's blood turn cold.</p><p>Mary set herself to work peeling off Sirius's clothes with James, and from her vantage point at the end of the bed, Lily saw the deep red stickiness of Sirius' shirt where it seemed to be sinking into his skin.</p><p>"I'll be right back," Lily said, and without waiting for a response out of either of them, she dashed through the door, down the boys' staircase, and back up the girls' staircase. Reaching the door to her dormitory, she took a deep breath, then opened the door as quietly as she could. Marlene and Dahlia were both sleeping behind the curtains of their four-posters, thank goodness. With the moonlight pouring through the windows to guide her, Lily went immediately to her pile of school things and grabbed her potions kit, which had some extra ingredients most students probably wouldn't have due to all her research with Slughorn, and another kit she kept of simple remedies, then made her way silently out of her dormitory and back to the boys' room.</p><p>James and Mary both jumped when she came in, and she started to say, "It's just m—" and then stopped, her back frozen against the door, as she saw Sirius. James and Mary had managed to remove his bloody hoodie and shirt, now in a pile of shredded fabric on the floor. Four long, thin gashes spread across Sirius' chest, starting near his shoulder and reaching down around his waist, and smaller scratches marked his arms. Drying blood was smeared around his chest and down his arms, and more blood still oozed from where the gashes deepened over his abdomen.</p><p>Mary was glaring at James over Sirius's mangled body, her face white with anger. "Wounds? His fucking<em> wounds</em>? James, this looks like the work of a fucking <em>animal</em> that was trying to rip him to pieces!"</p><p>Lily shoved past James, setting her kits down on Sirius's nightstand. Pushing the hair out of her face, she leaned over Sirius, inspecting the gashes across his chest closely. Her stomach plummeted as she registered what she was seeing. It was like an illustration straight out of their fifth-year Defense book; she'd had it memorized for O.W.L.s, hadn't thought about it in over a year, and now it was there, in the forefront of her brain.</p><p>"He needs Madame Pomfrey," she said.</p><p>"Already tried to tell him that," Mary muttered.</p><p>Lily whipped around to look at James.</p><p>He shook his head, and Lily noticed the gash under his eye was still bleeding, the bruise along the side of his face deepening to a dark purple. "We can't." He swallowed hard, his voice hoarse. "Please. Lily, you have to trust me."</p><p>He'd never sounded that way before. Pleading. <em>Afraid</em>.</p><p>For a fleeting moment, Lily faltered; she knew what she needed to ask him, but he looked so defeated, so broken, that she almost didn't have it in her.</p><p>Mary spoke behind her, an impatient note in her voice: "He's still bleeding, this one is deep, we need to staunch it."</p><p>Lily's stomach turned as she held out a hand over Sirius to still Mary, not taking her eyes off James.</p><p>"There are four slashes," she said slowly, focusing on keeping her voice steady, "parallel, shallow at the top and deep in the bottom—because they were made by <em>claws</em>, as they hooked into him."</p><p>Any remaining color drained from James's face as he looked at her.</p><p>"<em>Werewolf</em> claws, James."</p><p>"What?" Mary gasped.</p><p>Lily cut across her. "If I'm right, we can deal with the cuts with a salve, but if there is <em>any</em> <em>chance</em> that <em>any</em> of these marks are from teeth—"</p><p>"No," James said strongly. "I'm positive it was only claws."</p><p>Mary gaped at him.</p><p>Lily nodded and turned back to her potion kit. "I need a glass."</p><p>James wordlessly complied, fetching her a water glass from a nearby table. Digging deep into her potions kit, she pulled out a small jar of glimmering silver powder, unstoppered it, and shook a generous amount into the glass. Then, pulling out her bottle of the essence of dittany, she released several drops onto the powder, and using a small palette knife, she mixed the dittany into the powdered silver, adding a bit more of each until she had a thick paste.</p><p>"Hold him still, Mac." Mary set her hands on Sirius, ready to press him down as he reacted.</p><p>"Potter, silence the door."</p><p>"Done."</p><p>Scooping the paste out with her knife, she gingerly applied it to Sirius's wounds, starting with the shallow ones; Sirius stirred and whimpered at the touch of the paste, but didn't wake.</p><p>Lily moved lower, focusing on keeping her hands steady and applying the paste evenly. When she reached his abdomen, Mary helped her wipe away the blood that was still steadily leaking from the ends of the gashes, where the claws had sunk in deep.</p><p>"This is going to be the worst," Lily warned them, and as she slathered the paste over the wound, Sirius' eyes shot open as he screamed. Looking up briefly, Lily saw Mary pressing on his shoulders, restraining him, as James crouched over Sirius' pillow, holding his head and speaking to him in a low voice while he gave Sirius his arm to bite into.</p><p>Lily continued on steadily, wincing as she heard Sirius crying out in pain, but determined to make sure each cut was completely filled and sealed. Finally, when she was done, she turned and sat against the bed, wiping the sweat from her forehead with her arm, exhaling a deep sigh of relief. Sirius was barely awake, whimpering with the pain of the paste sealing his wounds.</p><p>Mary wrapped an arm around her, drawing Lily's head to her shoulder. "Maybe you should switch to healing, Lil."</p><p>Lily laughed despite herself. "Too late for that, Mac, I've skipped Herbology."</p><p>Turning, she surveyed Sirius. He was restless, sweat beading his brow.</p><p>"I don't suppose you have any sleeping draught in that potion kit of yours?" James asked.</p><p>Lily shook her head. "No, but if you have Firewhisky, that should do."</p><p>James smiled softly and went to the wardrobe near the lavatory, returning with a bottle that he tipped slowly into Sirius' mouth. After managing to get about a couple shots down him, Sirius seemed to settle against his pillows.</p><p>"He'll be alright," Lily said gently. "The paste will seal his wounds, but it'll probably take the rest of the night."</p><p>"I'll stay," Mary said, shifting Sirius to the side so that she could sidle in next to him. She gently dabbed Sirius' forehead with a damp towel she had retrieved, and then she gingerly began to wipe away the dried blood that seemed to have been painted all over his body. "Seriously," she said, looking up at James. "You look horrible, go take care of yourself and get some sleep." With a sheepish smile, she added, "I'll manage."</p><p>James nodded, and, seeing Mary draw the curtains closed around her and Sirius with her wand, Lily turned to him. Mary was right—he did look horrible.</p><p>"Come on," Lily said softly, taking his elbow and guiding him towards the lavatory, a bundle of supplies under her arm.</p><p>"Take off your glasses, that cut under your eye is looking gnarly."</p><p>James leaned against a sink and ran a hand through his hair, pulling off his glasses. Lily paused at how different he looked without them, how much more striking his hazel eyes seemed without the lenses in front of them, and then wrenched her eyes away, setting herself back to her task. Grabbing a towel and wetting it under the sink, Lily dabbed gingerly at the cut under his eye, wiping away dried and fresh blood.</p><p>"What is this from?" she asked.</p><p>"Tree branch, I think," he said quietly.</p><p>"Well, I'm not taking any chances," she muttered, scooping the last of the paste from the glass with her ring finger. Looking back up at him, she faltered as she saw his gaze on her and realized their closeness. They hadn't seen each other, hadn't spoken, since they'd watched each other make out with other people during the game of Snare. And now, standing in front of him in the boys' lavatory, her fingers stained pink from Sirius' blood, Lily was torn between feeling all of that jealousy and pain afresh, and feeling like the night before had happened in a different lifetime.</p><p>She slowly raised her hand toward his face, and he turned, giving her easier access to his cheek as he closed his eyes. Resting the side of her palm against the edge of his face, she gently dabbed the paste over the cut under his eye, feeling him inhale sharply as it met his raw skin, and then she smoothed it over like clay. She exhaled as she pulled away, and James turned back to look at her.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he said softly.</p><p>Lily stared at him, searching his eyes. "For what?"</p><p>He chuckled softly, something that didn't meet his eyes. "Honestly, for inventing that game in the first place. Seemed like a riot last year when we did it."</p><p>His brow furrowed. "But also just for…I don't know. You having to watch?"</p><p>Lily turned slowly, rummaging in her kit for her simple bruise salve. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sure it wasn't…easy."</p><p>James reached out a hand to her arm, stopped her, and she turned back up to look at hm. He shook his head softly. "No, it wasn't. But if it couldn't be me, I'd want it to be him."</p><p>Lily heart twisted. Suddenly, she wanted to hear it from him. "Why?"</p><p>James just stared at her blankly, shrugged. "He's…more than my best friend. He's like my brother. I'd trust him with anything."</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "Anything?"</p><p>James chuckled in earnest that time. "Yeah, anything. He could"—James waved a hand absently—"I don't know, take my kid on his flying motorcycle, and I'd still trust him."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "Sirius has a flying motorcycle?"</p><p>"Yeah, he keeps it at my place."</p><p>"And you…gave yourself a <em>child</em> in this example, why?"</p><p>James shrugged again. "I dunno, the thought of Sirius with a baby on his bike was just the most…<em>extreme</em> thing that just popped in my head."</p><p>Lily suddenly started giggling and hastily clapped a hand over her mouth.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>She shook her head, only giggling harder as she looked at him. "Just—the thought—oh, Merlin—of you and—and Sirius—with a—<em>baby</em>."</p><p>Lily was fanning herself, wiping the tears trickling out of the corner of her eye.</p><p>"Have either of you ever even <em>seen</em> a baby? A real one?"</p><p>James opened his mouth, then closed it again, pursing his lips, and Lily could practically see his mind turning, searching through memories.</p><p>Lily wiped her nose on her sleeve, then turned back to rummaging for the bruise salve, muttering, "Oh, gods, I needed a good laugh."</p><p>James's hand was on her chin this time. Lily turned to look up at him, and when he spoke, his voice was almost like it had been earlier: strained, afraid.</p><p>"Are we—okay?"</p><p>Lily felt her heart twist again, suddenly awash in affection for him, the jealousy and pain from the past twenty-four hours now hovering to the side, no longer in the forefront.</p><p>"Yeah," she told him softly. "We're okay."</p><p>He didn't look convinced. "You left pretty fast. Dahl said you didn't talk to her."</p><p>Lily shook her head, ducking from his gaze. "I just—I couldn't. Seeing you with her—you guys were together for a long time—"</p><p>"Hey." He prodded her chin, brought her eyes back up. "You know you don't have to…worry about that."</p><p>Lily stared at him, biting her lip. After the rollercoaster of the past twenty-four hours, she was starting to feel dangerously close to being emotional, and she did <em>not</em> want to cry about this in front of James.</p><p>He must have taken her silence for disbelief, because he went on, "I care about Dahlia like I care about Mac. And Dahl and me…yeah, we put a label on it, but it wasn't…"</p><p>"Then why did you? Put a label on it?"</p><p>James dropped his hand from her chin, gripping the ledge of the sink behind him, as he took a deep breath. "The truth?"</p><p>Lily nodded.</p><p>"You remember the Ravenclaw match last fall?"</p><p>Lily nodded. "Yeah, you two got caught by McGonagall with your trousers down."</p><p>"They weren't <em>down</em>," James corrected automatically. Lily's eyebrows arched.</p><p>"They just weren't, er, buttoned. Anyway, what no one else knew about was that Dahlia was having issues what that ex of hers from Ravenclaw."</p><p>"Bertram?"</p><p>James nodded. "He went berserk when he heard the gossip. You remember how he and Dahl had been off and on for awhile? Well, he had taken Dahl breaking it off for good really badly, he had been sending her messages, following her, not leaving her alone, and then he found out through the grapevine about me, and he went mental."</p><p>Lily frowned. "That's horrible. Dahlia never said—"</p><p>James shook his head. "She didn't want anyone else to know. Didn't want the drama, the attention. She only told me because he tried to duel me."</p><p>Lily added it up in her mind, remembering the scene in the hall when James and Sirius's hexes combined to make Bertram's head swell to twice his normal size.</p><p>"That's why you hexed him."</p><p>James nodded. "Look, Dahlia and me started as a drunk night between friends. With Bertram acting like that, I kept by her to ward him off. We were already friends, and then we just started, you know, hooking up, and she was trying to get over everything that had gone on with him, and I was still trying to get over you, to be honest, and so we were like, why the hell not? Let's make it official, keep everyone else off our backs."</p><p>Lily stared at him, her jaw dropping slightly. "So you—you were in a <em>fake relationship</em>?"</p><p>"No! I mean…Well, no, not fake, just not…a normal one?"</p><p>Her eyes narrowed.</p><p>James took a deep breath, tried again. "Dahlia and I were more focused on not having <em>any </em>feelings. It was distraction. Honestly, a lot of sex, and then goofing off and partying with the rest of our friends, mostly Sirius and Mac. But we were already friends, and it was just…comfortable. And then we became even better friends. We got lucky like that, I guess."</p><p>Lily nodded, accepting his answer. "Dahlia said…she said she was the girl that—that helped you grow up."</p><p>James smiled. "That sounds like something Dahl would say."</p><p>Lily considered that. "She is quite philosophical."</p><p>"It's because she writes song lyrics."</p><p>"She does?" Lily knew she sang, but had never known that she wrote.</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah. It's basically poetry. She's good."</p><p>Lily swallowed, that old roiling feeling stirring in her stomach. He just…<em>knew</em> her. But didn't she know Edgar just as well? Hadn't she figured out how to read his moods, learned his interests?</p><p>James suddenly took Lily's face in his hands, and Lily didn't even care that they were full of dirt and dried blood, both Sirius's and his own. "And it's true, what she said. Lily, you don't have to be jealous of her—of <em>anyone—</em>"</p><p>"I <em>know</em>," Lily cut across him. "I <em>know</em> I don't, you've <em>both</em> told me that, but—that doesn't mean it was any easier to watchyou have your <em>tongue</em> in your ex-girlfriend's <em>mouth—</em>"</p><p>Lily thought she saw something like a flicker of anger pass his face, something that reminded her of how he looked when they rowed, and he said evenly, "I reckon about as easy as watching the girl I've been mad about since I was thirteen stick <em>her</em> tongue down my <em>best friend's</em> throat."</p><p>Her breath caught. "Th—thirteen?"</p><p>She knew he'd fancied her to a certain extent, with all the attention he paid her and all the times he'd asked her out during fourth and fifth year, but—actually <em>liking</em> her? <em>Really</em> liking her, like <em>this</em>? This whole time?</p><p>James nodded, tucking hair behind her ears, caressing the side of her face, and Lily thought his voice sounded a little thick as he said, "It's always been you, Evans."</p><p>Lily ran her fingertips lightly over his bruised face, his slashed cheek. She supposed it was now or never. If there was anything to come of the game of Snare the night before, it was that she was suddenly in very deep with her feelings for one James Potter.</p><p>"I think—I think it might be you for me, too."</p><p>His eyes were soft as he smiled at her, the first happy look of the whole night passing over his face. "You're staying, yeah?"</p><p>Lily nodded, smiling back up at him. "Yeah, of course."</p><p>"Then I'm going to clean up." He nodded down at the bruise salve on the edge of the sink. "I'll put that on after. T-shirts are in the middle drawer. I think that one I charmed last time is still charmed."</p><p>Lily squeezed his arm, then went back into the bedroom, shutting the lavatory door behind her, hearing the hiss of the shower a moment later. The bed curtains around Sirius's bed were still shut; Lily wasn't sure if Mary had cast a silencing charm, or if they were just quiet. She tiptoed to James's wardrobe, found the t-shirt she'd worn the last time she'd slept there, then changed, charmed away the blood stains from her arms and fingers, and left her clothes in a pile on the floor by James's bed before crawling under the covers to wait for him.</p><p>He slid in next to her several minutes later, smelling like that mixture of pine and mint, and Lily let him wrap her up in his arms, nuzzled into his chest, stroked his back aimlessly. Something was deeply, horribly <em>wrong</em>—she could sense it. She'd never seen James this <em>rattled</em>.</p><p>She murmured, "Are you okay?"</p><p>James didn't respond for several moments, but then Lily felt him take a deep, shuddering breath, and say quietly back, "I will be."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Lily floated toward consciousness, aware of the soft pillow beneath her cheek and a warm heaviness at her back. One of James' arms had threaded through the space between her neck and her pillow, the other draped over her, his hand resting near hers. She felt the press of his body against her back, his chest softly rising and falling.</p><p>Memories from the night before drifted to the forefront of her mind, reminded her why she was there. Tentatively, she turned to look over her shoulder. He looked peaceful as he slept. Feeling her eyes on him, his eyelids fluttered, but he couldn't hold them open. He stirred, pulling her flush against him, and Lily sighed as she was enveloped in his warmth, his arms strong around her. She instinctively snuggled back into him, smiling to herself as she felt him pressing firmly against her backside.</p><p>How was it that now, she suddenly always <em>wanted</em> him? It hardly mattered where they were or whether she was actually touching him; she just <em>craved</em> him, all the time. But as she arched softly against him, she vaguely realized they'd never actually hooked up in a bed. Wasn't that how it was <em>supposed</em> to go? Sneak up to a dormitory and do <em>things</em> in the progression you were <em>supposed</em> to do them?</p><p>Well, she supposed it was rather fitting that her and James had done it all rather topsy-turvy and slightly backwards. Here they were, gone from not-quite-enemies-but-definitely-not-friends to not-dating-lovers-who-were-getting-closer-to-dating. At least, Lily thought they were. Getting closer to dating. And the thought made her rather fluttery.</p><p>At the time of The Conversation, she had barely been able to wrap her mind around the idea that she'd just had sex with James, and the idea of going on a <em>date</em> with him had been beyond her comprehension. But now, over a week later, Lily could see that The Plan was <em>working</em>. She already felt more used to him. More comfortable being around him during the day. In fact, it wasn't even just that she was comfortable—it was that he <em>brought</em> her comfort. He made her laugh. He helped her relax. He just had this <em>presence</em> that somehow radiated <em>calm</em> and melted away the anxiety that left her wound and worrying at the end of the day. And he didn't even have to touch her to do it. She just wanted to be <em>around</em> him, and now she wanted to be <em>there</em> for him, even if it didn't involve anything physical at all.</p><p>Though, she wouldn't exactly say <em>no</em> to anything physical happening, either.</p><p>James's arms were solid around her, his body heat deliciously warm, and she could feel the whole length of him pressed against her as he held her tight to him. He pressed his lips lightly to the back of her neck, setting her insides fluttering, and another sigh escaped her.</p><p>His voice was barely more than whisper: "Evans?"</p><p>She knew his question, and she didn't even think, just rolled over to face him, their noses almost touching.</p><p>His hands slid under the t-shirt that she had borrowed from him, gripping her waist and running over her back as he kissed her softly. Lily's head swam as she brought her hands up to his neck, feeling him hard against her stomach as she pressed herself closer to him. He ducked around her face, kissing her throat as he leaned over her, cupped one breast in his hand. She shivered at the touch of his fingertips on her bare skin, reached under his own hemline, heard his soft groan when she curled her fingers against his abdomen. He pulled his head up to look at her, his breath ragged as his eyes flitted between her own.</p><p>Just then, Lily heard the door to the dormitory unlock and creak open slowly. They froze as they were, staring at each other as they both strained to listen to tentative footsteps enter the room.</p><p>"James?"</p><p>It was Dahlia. James exhaled in relief and rolled away from Lily, falling back against his pillow.</p><p>"Yeah, in here, Dahl."</p><p>She drew back the curtains, making James and Lily both cower under their arms at the sudden assault of sunlight, and when Lily's eyes finally adjusted, she saw Dahlia standing slack-jawed over them, her eyes glittering with excitement.</p><p>"So <em>this</em> is why you both missed breakfast." She crossed her arms playfully and cocked an eyebrow at them.</p><p>"It's, er, not entirely what it looks like," James said.</p><p>Dahlia gave him a pointed look. "Isn't it?"</p><p>Lily shifted uncomfortably, finding Dahlia catching her in James' bed extremely awkward, though it seemed that neither James nor Dahlia did.</p><p>James pointed toward Sirius's bed, and Dahlia drifted towards it. Lily saw her expression turn from suspicion to horror as she pulled back a curtain to reveal Sirius and Mary sound asleep, Sirius having thrown the covers off, his paste-filled wounds on full display.</p><p>Dahlia turned back toward James. "What is <em>that</em>?" she whispered.</p><p>James pulled himself up to a seated position, his elbows resting on his knees. "Dahl, you can't tell Marly. We need your help with cover."</p><p>Dahlia sat on James' bed in front of him, resting a hand on his arm.</p><p>"James, your eye—your <em>face</em>."</p><p>Lily thought he looked nearly brand new compared to the night before, but Dahlia wouldn't have known that. The paste had melted completely into James' skin and his cut already looked partially healed, though it was still clear where he had been slashed. His bruising had also gone down from where it had been, now a faint green instead of a deep purple, but it still stretched across his cheek and down toward his jaw.</p><p>"I'm fine. Please, Dahl."</p><p>Dahlia looked from James to Lily and back to James, and Lily found herself observing Dahlia, noting the care etched in her face, unable to miss the familiarity with which Dahlia approached him, touched him, said his name.</p><p>"<em>What happened</em>?"</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair. "I was…bringing Sirius, er, back last night and these two were in the common room, so they helped me. That's all I can say, really, but please—I'm begging you, Dahlia, do not say a <em>word</em> to Marly. Not of any of this—not Sirius being hurt, not Lily and Mac being here, nothing."</p><p>Dahlia's brow furrowed. "You know I won't tell, but it might be tricky, James. She noticed Lily and Mac didn't sleep in the dorm last night, it's practically lunch and we haven't seen <em>any </em>of you."</p><p>Realization seemed to dawn on Dahlia as she turned slowly. "James," she said, her voice a pitch higher, "where are Peter and Remus?"</p><p>Lily's breath caught in her throat; in all the commotion of the night before, plus being so distracted by James, Lily hadn't questioned that Remus and Peter were missing.</p><p>Dahlia looked at James, alarm in her eyes. "Remus is supposed to be here. He's not feeling well, Marly said."</p><p>James reached out and grabbed her shoulder. "He's fine. Trust me. <em>Please</em>."</p><p>Dahlia frowned and James continued, choosing his words carefully, "He can't actually stay in <em>here</em> when he's, you know, ill. But he doesn't want people to know that, which is why Marly can't know you three have been in here and seen him gone."</p><p>Lily's stomach twisted, wheels turning and thoughts clicking in her mind. They all knew Remus never went to the hospital wing when he had his bouts of his illness; they had always been told he stayed in the boys' dormitory, and Remus was notoriously strict about not wanting anyone to see him in that weakened, sickly state, not even Marlene, who had long grudgingly accepted Remus's wishes that she not visit him when he was ill.</p><p>"But why—"</p><p>James shook his head, cutting her off. "It's what he wants."</p><p>Dahlia considered him a moment, then nodded as she got up from the edge of the bed and said to Lily, "I'll go grab you girls a change of clothes."</p><p>As Dahlia whipped around the door, closing it behind her, James dragged his hand through his hair, elbows still on his knees, but didn't say anything. Lily's eyes went back to Mary, who was stirring, and Sirius beside her, his gashes already knitting over. And she knew, then, that Severus had been right in what he'd tried to tell her countless times.</p><p>Remus Lupin was a werewolf.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>She couldn't think about anything else.</p><p>On Sunday, once she was assured that Sirius was out of the woods, as it were (as evidenced not only by the gashes knitting over but by his glee at learning Lily had stayed for another "sleepover"), Lily had left them the powdered silver and dittany for the paste, as well as the bruise salve (for which James needed another generous dose), and then snuck back to the girls' dorm with Dahlia, which resulted in Lily realizing that her heart was still reeling from all of the jealousy of Snare and everything James had told her.</p><p>And to her surprise, as she got ready, she initiated a heart-to-heart with Dahlia, in which she told Dahlia everything James had said about them and to which Dahlia had agreed fervently, telling Lily more about how naively serious she had been with Bertram, how she'd had a crush on him when she was fourteen and then started dating him when she was fifteen and then was jolted out of her fantasies of their future when he cheated on her when they were sixteen. He had been her first love, and then her first heartbreak, most of which Lily had already known, but then he had continued to break her heart, over and over, in how they strung things along afterwards, how he acted when Dahlia put her foot down for the last time, which Lily had never realized because Dahlia had kept that part so stoically private. And she couldn't tell if her heart was swelling or breaking as she understood just then the comfort, the poignancy, of James and Dahlia finding their way to each other, growing up with each other, when they'd really all been a bunch of sixth-year messes.</p><p>And it struck her, for the first time, that her and Edgar had rather been the same. Maybe not from his perspective, but from hers. Hadn't she been reeling from all sorts of confusing hurt over seeing James with Adelaide? Hadn't she been angry at herself for doing something as out of character as having a fling with Chuck Davies? Hadn't she been feeling a little lost, disconnected from her Gryffindors, because of her new inability to stay very long in the same room as James Potter? Hadn't she been wanting a distraction, something better than school, to take her mind off it all? And hadn't Edgar seemed like the answer to her prayer, the universe sending her a sign, when he smiled that boyish smile and was <em>nice</em>, overwhelmingly nice, and took her on dates in that traditional way and left her with sweet kisses at the portrait hole and held her bag in the hall? Hadn't he helped her find herself again? Hadn't he showed her, reminded her, that there was still romance out there, still boys who were kind and thoughtful and sweet? And if she had to kiss Edgar in a game of Snare right that instant, couldn't she do it, and do it well, and still <em>know</em>, without a moments' hesitation, that he wasn't the right boy for her?</p><p>That roiling feeling subsided, replaced by something rather fluttery. Because there was only one boy that felt inexplicably, startlingly, <em>right</em>. And now the meaning, the force, of the words they'd said the night before caught up to her in earnest, because now she understood that he felt this <em>rightness</em> too. And for the first time, she thought she might be more exhilarated than afraid.</p><p>But she couldn't dwell on all that very long, because she had lycanthropy to research. So she posted up in the library, frantically finishing her homework so she turn to a surreptitiously grabbed volume on werewolves and dwell on all of those things Severus had told her before and which she'd always discarded. And even as her heart sunk, her stomach knotted, there was a thought nagging at her, something just out of reach. Hadn't she read…something…about werewolves lately? Something relevant? What <em>was</em> it? Where did she read it?</p><p>Monday morning, she began her observation of Remus: peaked, eyes swollen, almost like he'd been crying on top of not getting enough sleep. In Potions that morning, Sirius moved gingerly, trying not to wince, and Lily was sure he had replaced his usual cardigan with a heavier winter knit to hide the fact that he was wrapped in bandages.</p><p>While they chopped and measured and stirred, Lily asked quietly, "How are they?" and Sirius answered immediately, "Healing—because of you, Swish."</p><p>Lily smiled at him. Sirius went on, "It's mostly that deep one, it's just taking longer. The top one's completely gone."</p><p>She nodded. "Do you need more paste?"</p><p>"Yeah," he whispered. "Could probably use more powdered silver."</p><p>"I'll get some tonight," she whispered back; she had access to Slughorn's private stores, and it wouldn't be difficult for her to refill her kit. "I need to check on my potion with Slugho—"</p><p>Potion. Her research with Slughorn. <em>That</em> was where she'd seen it, that word: <em>wolf</em>.</p><p>Monday night she found it, after hours of rifling through the stack of books and journals she'd already notated and written citations for. An article in a recent edition of <em>New Potioneering </em>that had ended up on the bottom of the pile because it had been one of the first items she'd read. An article about a new groundbreaking potion by Damocles Belby, a former Slug Club member; Slughorn had been beside himself when he'd realized.</p><p>"Always knew he had chop!" He'd exclaimed as he'd handed Lily the publication. "Potion like that, had to have taken blasted hard work, miracle he survived it, really. <em>Aconite</em>. Dastardly dangerous substance."</p><p>Lily hadn't paid much attention then, but she was paying attention now. Because there, at the top of the page, the words she remembered reading: <em>Wolfsbane Potion</em>.</p><p>Tuesday brought about more observation of Remus Lupin: less peaked, less puffy, slightly more himself. He cracked a joke and held hands with Marlene and she thought he seemed a bit tense around Sirius, but she didn't think anyone would notice, except Sirius, who seemed to be going out of his way to be more boisterous and happy than normal. James caught her eye in Charms, and she smiled at him, trying to tell him she wasn't avoiding him, and when he had Quidditch practice that night and Marlene and Dahlia were downstairs in the common room, Lily paced her dorm, talking occasionally to Pan, and thought about what she should do.</p><p>Wednesday they had a prefects' meeting, as it was now suddenly the first Wednesday of October. Right as Lily was about to start talking, James stuck a lollipop in his mouth, responding to Lily's blatant side-eye with a sheepish grin as he said thickly, "What?" and then pulled it out of his mouth to add, "This is your meeting, Evans, I'm just decoration," to which everyone laughed. Lily rolled her eyes at him and carried on leading the meeting, but she couldn't look at him after that, the sight of the lollipop shifting in his cheek while he stood in his casual-lean-against-the-desk pose stirring reactions in her body that were far too inappropriate. There wasn't much to go over except general reminders about taking patrol seriously and not throwing parties while being on duty (she was careful not to look directly at Drucilla and Regulus, though she saw them both scowling after), and then she handed out copies of the schedule that would carry them through the next meeting.</p><p>It all passed in a blur, and then the prefects were disbanding and Remus was hanging back to walk with her and James back to Gryffindor Tower, and as they approached the stairs that would take them to Gryffindor Landing, Lily asked casually, "So, how do I call a Marauder's meeting?"</p><p>James and Remus both stopped walking and looked at her with surprise.</p><p>Remus spoke first. "You just did. Now?"</p><p>Lily nodded. "Your dorm?"</p><p>James said, "Yeah, I'll grab the others."</p><p>And within minutes, just like that, Lily found herself in the boys' dorm, standing in a circle in the center of the room, with the four of them looking at her expectantly. For a fleeting second, she almost backed out. But no—this was important. She was confident she had gotten it right, and confident they all knew. They called him <em>Moony</em>, for Merlin's sake. They all disappeared around the full moon. They were in on it. And now, so was she.</p><p>Her palms suddenly sweaty, hands suddenly shaking, Lily pulled the folded piece of parchment from her bag, then set her bag at her feet, turned toward Remus, and handed him the parchment.</p><p>His brow furrowed as he took it and started to unfold it, dropping his eyes to read as he said, "What is th—"</p><p>His face suddenly blanched and he went very still, then slowly looked back up at Lily, panic written all over his face.</p><p>Lily reached out a hand, grasped his shoulder. "Sev tried to tell me before, and I always blew him off, told him he was making stuff up. But then I was <em>here</em> on Saturday night, Reme. I saw Sirius—</p><p>His eyes welled with tears, his voice breaking as he said, "Lily—"</p><p>Sirius put a hand on Remus's other shoulder.</p><p>"—and I realized Sev was right, and I added it all up myself—"</p><p>Remus shook his head. "I'm sor—"</p><p>Lily spoke over him, her own voice sounding thick. "I think I've found a way to <em>help</em> you."</p><p>Sirius reached for the parchment, forgotten in Remus's hands. "What is this?"</p><p>Lily turned to him, looking between him and James. "It's called the Wolfsbane Potion. It was just recently published, I remembered seeing it when I was doing research for Slughorn." She looked back to Remus, squeezed where she still held his shoulder. "It allows a werewolf to turn without pain, and to stay <em>conscious</em> while you're turned."</p><p>Remus swallowed thickly, and Lily turned to see expressions of shock on the other boys' faces. But they didn't correct her, didn't try to dissuade her, didn't push her away.</p><p>"Blimey," Peter said quietly. "Well, what do we need?"</p><p>Lily grimaced. "Well, that's sort of the tricky part. I can't lie, it's a really complex potion, and some of the ingredients are…rare."</p><p>James spoke up softly. "Money's no object."</p><p>Remus's voice sounded strained. "James—"</p><p>"Remus."</p><p>Lily watched James and Remus share a steady look, like this was a continuation of an old conversation. She pressed on. "It will take…time. We'll have to collect all the ingredients, and then the potion itself takes a couple weeks to brew, and <em>then</em> you have to drink it daily for a week leading up to the full moon for it to be effective. So I think, depending on how it goes with getting everything, it might be a couple months until we're ready."</p><p>She spoke like it was already decided that that's what they were going to do, because it was. She wasn't going to take no for an answer, and she'd known, before she'd even gone in there, that once she spoke news of the potion aloud, his friends wouldn't take no for an answer either. And maybe Remus knew that, could tell that's why she had approached him this way, surrounded by his friends and leading with the potion, and maybe that was why the tears in his eyes suddenly spilled over, and he pulled Lily into a hug, murmuring a quiet, "Thank you for still being my friend," that broke her heart and sent her own hot tears trickling down her cheeks as she clutched him—this brave, resilient, battered boy—and silently vowed to do whatever she could, whatever was needed, to help him.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>The next evening, Thursday, Lily finished her Arithmancy problems with Remus faster than she ever had before, and then she told James, eyebrows raised, that they needed to go work on <em>that report</em> for Dumbledore, and she could tell from Remus's face that he thought it was a ruse just to get James alone, which he courteously accepted by wandering over to join in on chess with Sirius and Peter, and then Lily all but pulled James out of the portrait hole, because she was a woman on a mission.</p><p>"What—"</p><p>"The library," she told him.</p><p>James quickened his pace to keep up with her. "I thought you were done for the night?"</p><p>"With school." She gave him a pointed look. "We still have a new <em>extracurricular project </em>to work on, and I can't exactly ask the girls for help, and I feel like Remus is still adjusting to me knowing, and he can't hang out too long in the library with me without Marly joining in and you said she still doesn't know, and Sirius doesn't have the attention span for research, and Peter would honestly only be useful as a shelf, and so that leaves you, and I could use the help."</p><p>She had said this all very fast, and James looked at her strangely for a moment before his face cracked into a grin. "I'm more useful than a shelf, eh?"</p><p>Lily gave him an appraising look. "I can at least snog you when you're holding my books."</p><p>James laughed and fell into step with her. "Yes you can, Evans."</p><p>He turned out to be a rather helpful researcher, as she knew he would. For all the effort he had put into hiding it when he was younger, he was really incredibly intelligent, and they were able to cover much more ground than Lily would have been able to do by herself. They had culled a few volumes on lycanthropy, as Lily wanted to know everything she could about the condition before brewing a whole potion about it, and then had focused most of their attention on aconite, the main ingredient, which was a highly poisonous substance and was the only part of this whole thing that truly gave her pause.</p><p>They had gotten to the library late, and Lily had completely lost track of time as they'd worked, but as she looked around from her spot in the stacks, rubbing her neck where it had started to feel permanently tilted to one side as she read spine after spine, she thought it seemed even more hushed, even slightly darker, than normal—both signs of impending closure.</p><p>Lily sensed James behind her before she heard him, her whole spine prickling with anticipation. It was like heatwaves radiated from his presence, her nerves lighting up just from his closeness.</p><p>"Hey," he said quietly, his breath was hot on her neck, hands firm at her waist. Lily leaned back against him, let her eyes flutter closed, as she murmured back, "Hey, Potter."</p><p>"I've missed you," he murmured.</p><p>She smiled as she tilted her head up toward his. "You see me every day."</p><p>"Yeah, in class." He nuzzled her ear. "You know what I mean."</p><p>She did. She'd last kissed him Sunday morning, after they'd woken up, and before then she hadn't been with him, kissed him, touched him, since their secret date by the lake. It all felt like rather a long time ago, what with the game of Snare and then intervening events with Remus happening in a blur in-between, and now that she was close to him like this, she realized just how much she had missed him too.</p><p>Lily reached a hand up to his neck, melted against him, felt his lips brush her forehead.</p><p>"You're such a melt, Potter."</p><p>He smiled against her hair. "Only for you, Evans."</p><p>Well, fuck if <em>that</em> didn't send her stomach all aflutter. He wasn't even <em>doing</em> anything—his hands were at her waist, his body still behind hers—and yet she was suddenly beyond aroused. She arched slightly, pushing her bum back into his pelvis, her head nuzzling against his neck.</p><p>James's whisper was hot on her ear. "Does that mean you've missed me?"</p><p>She breathed back a simple, "<em>Yes</em>."</p><p>His fingertips lightly trailed up her leg, under her skirt, and Lily gasped as he cupped the cheek of her bum, gave her a gentle squeeze. James rested his lips against the back of her neck, and Lily held her breath, not trusting herself to move, not daring to think about the crazy level of desire surging through her right then.</p><p>But then his voice, deliciously low, murmured, "Let me make you come."</p><p>Lily turned her head, hissed over her shoulder, "<em>What</em>? We're in the <em>library</em>."</p><p>But his hand was leaving her bum, his fingers reaching underneath her, and Lily felt her leg step slightly wider for him like it was reflexive, like her body was just acting of its own accord in wanting him, and then he slowly, tantalizingly, stroked the outside of her knickers from behind her.</p><p>A heated, whispered, "<em>Fuck</em>," escaped her just then, and James chuckled into her neck, shushing her softly as his other hand wrapped more securely around her middle.</p><p>He brought his lips to directly over her ear, and did that stroke again while he whispered, "I believe this was on your list of things you haven't done, Evans." He swirled his fingers around the outside of her knickers. "And it feels like you want me to."</p><p>Lily gasped softly. "James, we're—"</p><p>"Alone," he whispered back, dotting kisses on her cheek, down her neck. "It's late. There's no one else here. Let me see how fast I can get you."</p><p>And with his body so solid behind her and his arm so securely around her and his lips in her ear and his fingers hovering where she suddenly always wanted him, all the time, she was helpless, defenseless, to that <em>glorious</em> offer, and she relaxed her head back against his shoulder, the word, "<em>Please</em>," escaping her in a breathless sigh.</p><p>Holding her against him with one arm, his mouth back over her ear, James pushed her knickers aside and stroked her, purring dirty whispers that made her have to bite back whimpers. The sensation of his fingers on her was familiar but also entirely different from this direction, and Lily felt herself building fast as James focused on her most sensitive spot with swirling fingertips. He was thrusting softly against her as he fingered her, his arousal grinding against her bum with each little roll of his hips, and then he took it one step further, whispering a constant stream of, "<em>Fuck</em>, I want to be in you, Evans. Yeah, I know you can feel me. Imagine me, right now, inside you from behind like this. Oh<em> fuck</em> yes, Lil, I felt that. Come for me. Fuck—<em>Lily</em>—oh, you're close. Yeah, right here?"</p><p>A small cry escaped her then, echoed fleetingly in the silence around them, and James's hand at her stomach immediately flew up to clamp over her mouth.</p><p>"Shh, it's okay. Focus on me. That's it, come on. It's just you and me, Lil."</p><p>His chest was solid behind hers, his weight somehow reassuring, comforting, on some visceral level Lily didn't understand, and Lily let her eyes close again as his fingers stroked her right where she needed it, and then he was increasing his speed, his pressure, and she was squirming over him, so desperately, agonizingly close, and she knew he could tell because he whispered, "I got you, baby, come on, right there, just <em>break</em>, just—"</p><p>And she did, faster than she expected, like she had been built up for days just waiting for him (which, admittedly, she probably had been)—she broke, she <em>shattered</em>, she twitched and bucked over his hand, her face scrunched, her mouth pressing as hard as she could press it into his palm, and his whisper was still tickling her ear, purring, "<em>Fuck</em> I love making you come. <em>Gods</em>, Lily."</p><p>She reached her arm around behind her, hearing him hiss as her fingers found him even though he had charmed his trousers not to show, but then he was holding her tight against him, shushing her as he whispered, "Not here."</p><p>Lily let go and leaned back into his chest, tilting her face toward his. "Why not?"</p><p>He chuckled. "Because going up your skirt is a lot different than getting my dick out."</p><p>She turned to face him, giving him an appraising look. "How many times have you had sex in the library, again?"</p><p>He held onto her waist, pulled her close as he bent to whisper, "We'll do that sometime. Just after hours, yeah?"</p><p>Lily nodded and leaned up to kiss him, still dazed and weak from her climax, before she asked, "If not here, where?"</p><p>He smiled down at her. "What an eager Head Girl you are."</p><p>She smirked back up at him, pushing up his hair affectionately. "Just trying to take care of my attentive Head Boy."</p><p>James looped an arm around her, pulling her in by the crook of his elbow, and whispered, "Sleep over tonight?"</p><p>Lily gave him a Look. "I have early class on Fridays, Potter."</p><p>He smirked. "We could just stay up all night, and then you'd be ready to go."</p><p>She swatted his chest. "<em>No</em>, Potter. No sleepovers on school nights."</p><p>"So…sleepovers on weekends?"</p><p>Lily flushed and bit her lip, but then she nodded, finding she rather liked the idea.</p><p>James grinned and steered her back toward their table of books. "C'mon, let's call it a night."</p><p>In the end, they stopped down to their office before heading back up to Gryffindor Tower, as Lily needed to drop off her library books anyway, not particularly wanting to keep a pile of titles involving werewolves and poisons in her dorm right next to Marlene's bed. And like the desperate girl she was, she reached for James's belt as soon as she had dropped all of her books next to her desk chair, and he must have been just as desperate because he kissed her, cradling her face, while she worked, and then when she was working on unbuttoning his shirt, he reached up her skirt and pulled her knickers down, and Lily stepped out of them before making to hop back up onto her desk, but then James stopped her with a hand on her hip.</p><p>"Can I—" He bit his lip, his eyes searching hers.</p><p>Lily returned his gaze, her hands stalling at his shirt. "Can you what?"</p><p>"Can I…turn you around?"</p><p>Oh. She hadn't expected that.</p><p>A moment passed in silence, and then James said quietly, "You can say no, Evans. That's okay."</p><p>She jolted out of her thoughts, shook her head slightly. "No—I mean, not <em>no</em>, that's—I just—"</p><p>James was looking at her curiously. "You haven't done it that way before?"</p><p>Lily's pulse was suddenly fluttering rather fast. "Once," she told him. "Chuck."</p><p>Comprehension dawned across his face, a flash of anger flickering over him before he rearranged his expression to concern. "Are you—were you—"</p><p>Lily hastily said, "I was okay. He wasn't…<em>violent</em>. He just wasn't…<em>gentle</em>."</p><p>It had all felt wrong. Chuck had been everything that she'd always said she'd hated about James. He had been charming in a conceited way, fully aware of how attractive and athletic he was, and he had been known as even more of a playboy than James, who had only been involved with two girls all of sixth year, ever had been. Truly, to this day, Lily had no idea how or why she'd been into Chuck Davies; it was something beyond a lapse in judgment, like she had straight up lost herself for a moment. And it had landed her in the Prefects Bathroom, her front pressed against the side, gripping the ledge as he pounded into her from the back with no finesse or attempt at caring about how uncomfortable it all felt for her. Her only saving grace was that it hadn't lasted long, as she'd managed to get him sufficiently worked up from teasing him before, but that experience had soured that position for her, and thankfully Edgar had never tried to initiate it.</p><p>But now James was. And it was <em>James</em>. The only boy who'd ever made her feel like this. Pleasured. Cared for. <em>Alive</em>.</p><p>Lily reached out and took his hand. "But you are. And I trust you."</p><p>James stared at her, his expression one of pleasant surprise, though whether it was from agreeing to try it with him or from what she said, Lily couldn't be sure. He shrugged his shirt from his shoulders, tossing it to the floor, and took a step closer to her, bending down to give her a heady kiss as his hands roamed everywhere, pulling her close against him before pushing her jumper up over her chest and pulling it off her arms, letting it fall inside-out over his shirt.</p><p>His mouth was hot, his fingers like matches across her skin, and then he raised one hand to wrap in her hair while his other hand slipped up her skirt, fingers going straight inside. Lily gasped and bucked reflexively against his hand, squeezing his sides, pressing lips to his chest.</p><p>"James—<em>gods</em>, James."</p><p>He cradled her against him, hand still deep in her hair, his voice was raspy as he told her, "I need you close, Lil. Fuck, I've been wanting you all day. And the library was fucking torture."</p><p>Lily chuckled. "I did offer."</p><p>She felt him smile against her hair. "Hence why we're here."</p><p>Lily moaned against his chest as he sped up his fingers, stroking her pleasure point in a quick little movement. "Fuck, <em>James</em>. Fuck, that's so good."</p><p>He pulled his hand away right as he murmured, "Fuck, I need you, Lily," and she turned, sweeping her hair over her shoulder before turning to look back at him. He was looking down, sliding hands up her hips underneath her skirt, positioning himself underneath her. She felt the gentle touch of his tip at her opening, let out an involuntary gasp, and his eyes flicked up to hers.</p><p>"Talk to me, yeah?"</p><p>Lily nodded, breathless. "Yeah."</p><p>In one slow thrust, James slid inside, then hugged her snugly around her middle, his mouth coming to her ear. "Okay, Evans?"</p><p>Lily let herself adjust to him, the sensation of this angle entirely different than everything else they'd done, and then she squirmed against him, breathed another soft, "Yeah."</p><p>James dotted kisses on her neck as he started to slowly grind into her, not pulling out very far before he slowly thrust back inside. Lily moaned, the pressure delicious in an entirely new way as he slid in and out of her, like he was hitting places inside he hadn't hit before, edges she hadn't known existed.</p><p>His lips ghosted the back of her neck.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Evans. You're so fucking <em>wet</em>."</p><p>Lily smiled, leaned back into him. "I've been wanting you all day. Classwas torture."</p><p>James chuckled. "You just like seeing me cuddle cats."</p><p>She couldn't deny that. They were currently working on human transfiguration involving small but more complex mammals, and James had, per usual, been the only one to successfully transfigure Sirius into a petulant-looking black cat that had given Lily quite a dirty look as James had held him and scratched his ears. It had taken everything she had not to grab James's face and kiss him on the spot.</p><p>"Yes," she sighed. "If you ever want in my knickers, just conjure an animal to cuddle, and—"</p><p>But he had just given her an especially sensual thrust that sent waves of pleasure through her body, and she let out a small cry. "<em>Fuck</em>, James."</p><p>He groaned into her neck, kept up his same rhythm. "You're so fucking perfect."</p><p>Lily's stomach flooded with fluttery heat. "James—"</p><p>"No, I mean it—Evans—you're everything—"</p><p>Lily swallowed hard. "James—"</p><p>His fingers slid up her leg, reached around to her front, found that sensitive spot with soft circles of his fingertips.</p><p>"You're the only girl—the <em>only girl</em>, Evans—that's ever made me feel like this."</p><p>Her heart flew up to her throat; she wasn't sure she'd be able to breathe. "Like—what?"</p><p>He held her tighter, bringing the arm that had been around her waist up over her breasts, hand pressed against her chest, fingers splayed over her collarbone, and at the same time, those other fingers inside her switched to that quick little stroke she liked. Lily let out a sharp, whimpering cry, her pressure suddenly doubled in an instant.</p><p>James's voice was still low, raspy near her neck. "Like I'd do anything for you. Like I want to make you happy. Like I want to just…be with you. Do everything with you."</p><p>Her heart was bursting, her brain breaking. He was saying this <em>now</em>? When all she could do was whimper incoherent sounds and squirm, utterly helpless and consumed?</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Lily. I know you're close."</p><p>It was close like she'd never been. The combination of his thick length sliding inside her and those fast little strokes, like quick little whispers, made her want to <em>scream</em>.</p><p>"J, <em>yes</em>!"</p><p>She could tell he liked when she called him that, and sure enough, his voice was suddenly deeper, lower, like a purr in her ear. "Right there, babe, come on."</p><p>Her pressure was almost unbearable, those zips of electricity from his fingers almost painful, and her whole torso was tightening, her eyes scrunching, and she reached up her hands to grasp onto his where it still pressed against her chest, and James was still thrusting inside her with those long, sensual slides, and she was <em>so close</em>—</p><p>"Fuck, <em>more</em>—J, I'm—"</p><p>But he had heard <em>more</em> and heeded her request, giving her more pressure, more speed, on those little strokes she liked, and she was exploding, convulsing, stars bursting behind her eyes and cries bursting from her lips and for several seconds she didn't comprehend anything at all, just hung suspended in a daze, not even feeling like she was holding herself up, just feeling like she was somehow floating yet anchored to the body behind her, and now she registered how fast her heart was pounding, those fingers splayed against her chest holding it in like a cage, and that thick length inside her was still moving, and then a voice, hot on her neck: "Do you trust me?"</p><p>She didn't even have to think. "<em>Yes</em>."</p><p>His hands slid from her front, pressed gently on her back, and Lily understood, let her body lean forward, braced herself on the desk, and then his hands found her hips, fingertips sinking into her skin as he squeezed, and he gave her a few tentative thrusts, pulling her slightly each time to shift her back, adjust their angle, and then all of a sudden he found it and it just <em>clicked</em> and before Lily had time to think he was <em>shagging</em> her, <em>pounding</em> her, and a guttural cry escaped her at the intensity of it and then she heard him let out his own groan and her mind was catching up, finally recovering, and—and gods, this felt <em>good</em>. More than good. <em>Amazing.</em> Her body was throbbing for him, the angle and speed giving her an aching, pulsing sensation she'd never experienced having sex any other way, and she wanted <em>more</em>, and without even thinking about it, she started giving it back to him.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>." James's cry was sharp, ringing. "<em>Lily</em>."</p><p>Lily twisted her neck over her shoulder, caught his eye. "Get it, James."</p><p>He <em>lost</em> it. She thought he might. He was swearing, a string of curse words so creative she barely comprehended them all, and pounding her even harder, even faster, if that was even possible at that point, and then he was tensing, and she could sense it, his tautness radiating through his whole body, down to the fingers still digging into her hips—</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, James, come on. I need to feel you co—"</p><p>She broke off, smiling, feeling the heat of his release inside her as she heard him groan, something deep and heavy.</p><p>"Fuck." James rested his forehead against her back, rocked into her gently through the waves of his climax. "Fuck, <em>fuck</em>."</p><p>Lily reached a hand behind her, found the top of his leg, just under his hip, and she left her hand there, vaguely realizing she'd never actually touched him there, that they hadn't even been properly naked together before, but wanting to be an anchor for him, like he had been for her. He reached a hand up to her shoulder, holding onto her, and let his weight fall against her as he collected himself through ragged breaths.</p><p>They stood like for several moments, maybe several minutes, Lily couldn't tell, and then James eventually pressed his lips to her back and pulled himself off of her. She heard the rustle and clink of his belt telling her he was redoing his trousers, and she reached for her wand, then flashed him a smile as she began the awkward post-sex task of vanishing the release spilling back down her legs. James came up to her, holding her hair back from her face and kissing her head, and when she was done, Lily looked up at him, circling her arms around his waist.</p><p>"I feel like I should thank you again."</p><p>James chuckled. "You shouldn't." He played with her hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Did you…like it?"</p><p>Lily bit her lip, trying to hold back her grin. "What do <em>you</em> think, Potter?"</p><p>He smiled, leaning down to kiss her, something quick and sweet. "I think you're sexy as fuck, Evans."</p><p>Laughter bubbled out of her lips; she had definitely not expected him to say <em>that</em>. Flashing him a sly smile, Lily pushed his hair back, letting her fingers linger in the soft strands.</p><p>"So are you, Potter."</p><p>He smiled, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses, and he bent to pick up her jumper and his shirt from the floor.</p><p>"And I want to shag you like this every fucking day."</p><p>Lily giggled, turning her jumper right-side out and then pulling it over her head. "You sure are getting sappy tonight, Potter."</p><p>He smiled, and Lily thought she saw a faint blush creep around his neck as he buttoned his shirt. "I've already told you, Evans. Completely mad. Nothing I can do."</p><p>He met her gaze as he tucked in his shirt, and Lily wondered, not for the first time, why the act of tucking in his shirt was so damn <em>sexy</em>.</p><p>She walked up to him, set her hands at his waist as she tilted her head up to him with a smirk. "Good thing you're so cute when you're sappy."</p><p>James grinned, that blush lingering, and after they had traded a few more kisses, he swung her bag over his shoulder, kept one hand on the back of her neck, and steered her out of their office, up the elf passage, and toward the common room. And as he handed her bag back and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before heading through the portrait hole, Lily found herself wondering how much longer he was going to wait to ask her on their date.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>The next afternoon, her Friday classes done, Lily left Remus on their normal walk back from Arithmancy and headed down to the Transfiguration department, finding James already leaning against the wall outside McGonagall's office.</p><p>He looked up as he heard her approach. "You get a note too?"</p><p>"Yeah. You don't suppose something's happened?"</p><p>James shrugged. "Guess we'll find out in a minute."</p><p>He was gazing over her shoulder, and Lily turned to see Professor McGonagall approaching, holding a stack of books and notes from her last class.</p><p>"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans." Her voice seemed slightly brusquer than normal, and Lily stepped aside to let her unlock her office and open the door. "Take a seat, both of you."</p><p>McGonagall shut the door behind them and proceeded to set down and arrange her materials, not looking at them. James quirked his brow at Lily, and they both sank into the chairs in front of McGonagall's desk.</p><p>Taking her own seat, McGonagall leaned back in her chair, hands folded in her lap. Her expression was unreadable, but Lily thought she seemed cross; McGonagall was normally much chattier with the both of them. After looking back and forth between the two of them for a moment, McGonagall finally spoke.</p><p>"Imagine my <em>incredulity</em> when I showed up to the staff room this morning and heard a report of how Irma saw two students performing a <em>sex act</em> in the library."</p><p>Lily's stomach dropped through the floor, probably all the way to the bottom of the lake.</p><p>"And then imagine my <em>disappointment</em> when Irma informed me they were students in <em>my house</em>."</p><p>Lily closed her eyes, not able to bear McGonagall's gaze.</p><p>"And <em>then</em> imagine my <em>embarrassment</em> when I learned that the <em>Gryffindors</em> performing said <em>public</em> <em>sex act</em> were none other than the <em>Head Boy and Girl of Hogwarts</em>."</p><p>She wanted to die.</p><p>"Professor," James started, "It's my—"</p><p>McGonagall rounded on him, the tone of her voice jolting Lily's eyes back open. "Don't you <em>dare</em> say it's <em>your fault</em>, Potter, unless you mean that you did not have Miss Evans' consent, in which case you will be expelled this moment."</p><p>Lily thought he looked a shade paler than normal, and he clamped his mouth shut, a muscle twitching in his jaw.</p><p>McGonagall turned her sharp eyes on Lily.</p><p>"Miss Evans? Am I expelling Mr. Potter today?"</p><p>Her face burned. "<em>No</em>, Professor, it was—consensual. <em>Completely</em> consensual."</p><p>McGonagall looked between them again, her nostrils flaring, then sighed, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her desk. "Yes, I know it was. I just needed to verify that for procedure."</p><p>Lily looked at McGonagall with wide eyes.</p><p>McGonagall gave her a pointed look. "Please, Miss Evans. Irma saw enough to convey that you looked like you were thoroughly <em>enjoying</em> yourself. I trust you understand what I mean?"</p><p>Lily could only nod, her face flushing, if it was possible, even more.</p><p>"I expected <em>far</em> better out of the both of you. Miss Evans, I <em>especially</em> expected better out of <em>you</em>. I <em>never </em>would have expected you to do something like this."</p><p>Tears stung the back of her eyes.</p><p>"Now, you're both of age, and you can obviously engage in adult behavior as you see fit—<em>privately</em>. You are the leaders of the <em>entire student body</em>, for Merlin's sake. You're lucky it was only Irma who saw you and not another student who would immediately spread it around the school—"</p><p>James cut across her. "So no one else…knows?"</p><p>McGonagall looked at him icily. "As of this morning, the only people in the staff room conversing about it were myself, Irma, Horace, and Caradoc. I already informed Albus and told him I would address it with you. I don't think I need to explain to you how humiliating <em>that </em>was. But to your question, if this catches among the students, it will not have come from me."</p><p>James nodded his understanding; Lily was still hung up on how her teachers—<em>Dumbledore</em>—knew about what had transpired between her and James in the library.</p><p>McGonagall added, "And you will write your mother, Potter. Unless you would rather I do that?"</p><p>James shook his head. "No, Professor. I'll write her."</p><p>"Good. You can convey that 25 points were taken from each of you, and that you've been given detention."</p><p>Lily gasped. "<em>What</em>?"</p><p>McGonagall turned her icy gaze on Lily. "Need I impress upon you <em>further</em> the level of indecency and inappropriateness of your public behavior?"</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, faltering beneath McGonagall's anger, which had never been turned on her before. She couldn't bear it. "No, Professor. I'm sorry—I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have—not in the library—we weren't thinking—"</p><p>"Well, <em>that</em> much is clear."</p><p>James interjected. "I was the one the initiated it, I should be the one—"</p><p>"And we've already established that Miss Evans was a willing participant, have we not?"</p><p>"Yes, but—"</p><p>"<em>No</em>, Potter." To Lily's amazement, McGonagall's face softened as she said to him, "I know you would like to take the fall for Miss Evans, and it is most gallant of you to try, but the fact of the matter is that this is a choice the both of you made, and so you'll both deal with the consequences."</p><p>James nodded, setting his jaw again.</p><p>"You'll do your detention tonight with Hagrid. He needs assistance with something in the Forest. You should meet him at his hut at eight o'clock sharp."</p><p>McGonagall turned her softened look on Lily. "Miss Evans, I know this is your first detention, so let me just tell you that as far as detentions go, those with Hagrid are the best to have. I'm sure Mr. Potter can vouch for that."</p><p>Lily looked at her in surprise. "Erm, thank you?"</p><p>She thought a hint of a smile played at McGonagall's mouth. "It's the least I can do, Miss Evans. I cannot let this incident go unpunished, but Merlin knows students do far worse things in this school every day than have sex."</p><p>Lily flushed, though she assumed she had just reached a permanent shade of red by that point.</p><p>McGonagall looked between her and James again. "I assume you're being <em>responsible</em>."</p><p>Nope, she was definitely capable of getting redder. "Er—yes," she managed to choke out.</p><p>"And I expect you both will not let your relationship interfere with acting professionally with respect to your head duties."</p><p>Lily looked over at James and met his eye for the first time since they'd sat down.</p><p>He spoke first, saying, "Yes, but—we're not—I mean—"</p><p>McGonagall raised her eyebrows as she surveyed him. "I do not need to know how you define the parameters of your relationship, Mr. Potter. That's between you and Miss Evans. But regardless of how you define it, there is obviously a sexual component, and so I repeat my expectation that you will <em>not</em> allow that to interfere with your head duties. Have I made myself clear?"</p><p>Lily nodded, and she looked over to see James do the same.</p><p>McGonagall let a smile twitch at her mouth then. "Very well then. I must admit I'm not surprised."</p><p>Lily gaped at her. "You—you're not?"</p><p>"No, Miss Evans. I've sensed you've both liked each other for ages. I'm glad you're finally doing something about it, though I admonish you to do so <em>privately</em> from now on, yes?"</p><p>And with that, she turned her attention to the papers at her desk, waving a hand dismissively. "Hagrid's tonight at eight o'clock sharp. He'll be reporting to me when your detention is completed. And Potter, I'll know if you don't write."</p><p>Lily pushed herself shakily to her feet and followed James out of McGonagall's office in a daze.</p><p>"Tell me that was all a nightmare."</p><p>He chuckled softly and put a hand on her back, guiding her down the corridor.</p><p>"No can do, Evans. Besides, I think that went great, all things considered."</p><p>Lily looked up at him sharply and hissed, "Are you out of your <em>mind</em>? We lost <em>fifty points</em> and have to do <em>detention</em> tonight!"</p><p>He grinned down at her. "Yeah, and McGonagall all but gave us her blessing."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "That <em>would</em> be all you took from that conversation."</p><p>James scratched her back affectionately before pulling his hand away right as they rounded the corner to the main hall. "I'm going to run up to the owlry and get this letter over with. See you at dinner, yeah?"</p><p>Lily nodded, watching him go. She should have been <em>furious</em> with herself, with the both of them, but instead she could only stare after him, taking in that loping grace, that hand ruffling his hair, that skip in his step as he went down the front stairs before disappearing from her view.</p><p>And if she hadn't known it before, she really knew it then, as she reflected that she was rather looking forward to doing her first detention and found herself wondering if they'd manage to sneak some time to themselves under cover of the Forbidden Forest.</p><p>She was a goner. She was in so much trouble. And she loved it.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p><em>This is an awkward letter to write. But it was either me or McG, and I figure you</em> <em>'d rather hear it from me, and I'd rather McG just forget the whole thing. L and I have detention with Hagrid tonight, and McG docked 25 points each. </em></p><p><em>I can explain. We were in the library late last night, and one thing sort of led to another. I promise all clothes remained on and fastened, but I may have had my hand up L</em> <em>'s skirt, and I may have been so focused on L that I forgot to keep a lookout, and Pince may have seen L while she was—well, you know.</em></p><p><em>McG was livid. I</em> <em>'ve already been lectured on the indecency of performing "public sex acts" so you don't need to do that. Though, I will add that once McG got past the punishment part, she did say she'd sensed L and I have liked each other "for ages" and she was glad we were finally "doing something about it." So, I'm taking that as a win. </em></p><p><em>Assuming you</em> <em>'re not really mad, </em></p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>James, </em>
</p><p><em>Minerva is quite right to send you to detention and dock points. Consider this karma for all of the times you</em> <em>'ve been caught around the house and all the instances of public indecency you've surely gotten away with at school already. </em></p><p><em>…</em> <em>Now that that's out of the way, your father and I are enjoying a raucous laugh at your expense. We were nearly caught in the library on several occasions, but as we were apparently smarter than you, we had the invisibility cloak and successfully evaded capture. Though, credit for that is probably due to your father's habit of simply carrying the cloak with him at all times, which he began doing in case of spontaneous passion once it became evident we were prone to finding any spare alcove we could. Something to consider if you and Lily have reached the point of being unable to keep your hands out of her skirt even whilst in public places.</em></p><p><em>I assume this means that, contrary to my initial assumption, your prior letters about things </em> <em>"progressing" with Lily and the two of you "spending more time together" and "having fun" were not merely describing being friendly or even striking up a courtship, but were actually in reference to having sex all over the castle? I also assume you're being responsible, and that includes being responsible about your heart, as well as hers. I would hate for you to move too fast and muck it up before it's even started. Though, your father said the sexual tension between you two at the World Cup could have been cut with a knife, so he's not surprised in the least. </em></p><p>
  <em>Not really mad, and actually rather happy, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mum</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p><em>I</em> <em>'m assuming you're at the Macdonalds' if you managed to get a letter back to me this fast, so I'm glad my embarrassing capture can provide your dinner entertainment. </em></p><p>
  <em>I have just attempted to Scourgify my mind and the cloak in order to erase the unnecessary visual of you and dad. That being said, your advice is well-taken, and only complicated by the fact that I share the cloak with Sirius, who I suspect is also frequently meeting up with a girl. </em>
</p><p><em>Yes, you assume correctly (though </em> <em>"all over the castle" is a bit of an exaggeration at the moment), and yes, L takes her potion every month. (Very strictly, I might add—you know how school/career-focused she is.)</em></p><p><em>The other bit you wrote reminded me: I</em> <em>'m going to ask L to Hogsmeade soon. I'm sort of waiting for the right moment at this point. I know it's a bit backwards, but everything about us sort of is. Honestly, asking her to Hogsmeade feels on par with proposing at this point. </em></p><p>
  <em>Heading to detention with my dream girl (cloak packed),</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Mine Was A Thief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Within hours, the entire school somehow knew that the Head Girl and Boy had lost Gryffindor a combined fifty points and would be serving detention, though the stories circulating about how that happened varied widely, and none, thank Merlin, came anywhere remotely close to the truth. At dinner, James heard about how he and Lily had allegedly abused their power by sending Polyjuiced imposters to all their classes, been discovered harboring an illegal Hippogriff on the roof, and been caught rowing so profusely that McGonagall had been accidentally caught in the crossfire and turned into an ostrich (which, all things considered, was decently realistic). But James didn't really mind, and he thought maybe Lily didn't either, because any of those scenarios, no matter how preposterous, were probably more bearable for her than the school knowing the librarian had seen her mid-climax by a pile of books on highly dangerous poisons.</p><p>At a quarter-to-eight, he and Lily left the common room to a mixture of boos (for losing points) and laughter (for being sent on detention), and James gave an exaggerated wave, bowing Lily out of the portrait hole. The Fat Lady swinging shut cut off the lingering sound of Sirius's wolf-whistle, and Lily rolled her eyes as she turned to amble down Gryffindor Landing.</p><p>"You ready, Evans?"</p><p>"For detention? Hardly."</p><p>"Not just any detention," James chided. "Your <em>first</em> detention. And not just any <em>first detention</em>, but your first detention with a <em>Marauder</em> to show you how it's done."</p><p>That earned him a reluctant smile. "Is that what the backpack's for?"</p><p>James shrugged. "Maybe. Could also just be because Hagrid's detention is usually just looking for unicorn hair."</p><p>"How often have you done detention with Hagrid?"</p><p>James grinned. "Often enough to know that's what he always has us do, but not nearly often enough considering Filch has a personal death wish for me and Sirius."</p><p>Lily chuckled and set off in front of him down the stairs, giving James a rather nice view of her backside, her jacket falling just over her bum (which he knew was perfect from those jeans he'd seen her in before), her ponytail low and messy and swishing down her back.</p><p>Huh. Sirius called her Swish. James hadn't been sure what he thought of it, but just then he sort of liked it.</p><p>They wound their way through the castle and set off down the grounds, and by the time they were approaching Hagrid's, James thought Lily seemed to be more at ease, perhaps less nervous, than she had been when they'd left the common room.</p><p>Hagrid was waiting for them outside, waving at them as he saw them approach.</p><p>"James! Lily! Well, it's good ter see both of yeh, though maybe not under the best 'o circumstances."</p><p>James laughed and called back, "Hey, Hagrid. You know me, can't stay out of trouble for long."</p><p>Hagrid chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. And how'd yeh get poor Lily caught up in summat?"</p><p>James threw her a wink as he told Hagrid, "Wrong place, wrong time. She was really just trying to keep me in line, but you know how McGonagall is. Doesn't let anyone off the hook."</p><p>Lily gave him a small smile, then added, "But she at least sent me down here for my first-ever detention," and proceeded to walk straight up to Hagrid and give him a hug, which set Hagrid all kinds of blushing as he patted her on the back and smiled before she pulled away.</p><p>"Can' believe I haven' see yeh down here fer tea yet," Hagrid said, and at the same time, Lily and James both said, "Sorry."</p><p>James looked at her strangely, seeing his confusion mirrored back at him on her face.</p><p>Hagrid was oblivious. "Nah, I ken yeh've been busy, being Heads an' all that. Maybe yeh can both come tergether, now that it looks like yeh get along."</p><p>James didn't know what to say to that, his brain still processing that Lily must regularly have tea with Hagrid and apparently was close enough with him to hug him as a greeting.</p><p>Lily told Hagrid, "Yeah, that would be nice," and then looked at James, something mischievous in her eye, as she said, "You can tell me about all the other detentions you've made Potter do so I feel better about myself having gotten one."</p><p>Hagrid chuckled. "Nah, detention's not tha' big 'o deal, not with me." He clapped his hands together at that, looking them both over. "James, I see yeh've brought yer bag, tha's good. Me stash o' unicorn hair is gettin' low, so I thought yeh could have a wander and see if yeh find any"—he looked over at Lily—"catches on bushes and trees, like, yeh ken? It'll be shiny, yeh won' miss it."</p><p>"Got it," she told him.</p><p>Hagrid nodded and looked back at James. "Yeh know where t' leave it, if yeh find any. I'll write McGonagall in a couple o' hours, tell her yeh're done. Owl me abou' tea soon, yeah?"</p><p>James grinned at him. "Yeah, I will. Cheers, Hagrid."</p><p>"Don' mention it," Hagrid said with a wave.</p><p>Lily looked surprised, and with a final wave to Hagrid, she followed James around the hut and toward the edge of the forest, whispering, "He just let's us…go?"</p><p>He flashed her a cheeky smile. "Yep. It's why Hagrid's the best. If it were just me, he'd come with, but when there's two of us, he lets us go on our own. We <em>do</em> spend some time looking for unicorn hair for him, mind, because it's the least we can do, but he doesn't care how long we stay."</p><p>"Does McGonagall know that?"</p><p>James shrugged. "If she assigns detention with Hagrid, it usually means she's giving out a punishment because she has to and not because she's actually mad, so I don't think she really cares. When you're <em>really</em> in trouble is when she sends you to Filch."</p><p>Lily chuckled next to him, muttering, "You boys are <em>ridiculous</em>."</p><p>James changed the topic, his curiosity piqued. "I didn't know you had tea with Hagrid."</p><p>Lily's tone immediately changed to something warm as she said, "Yeah, he's really lovely. It started in fifth year, I had run off to have a cry over a fight with Sev and he found me, gave me fudge and some good advice, and I just started going down for tea after that. He's had sort of a hard life, but he has the most incredible heart."</p><p>Though the air was chilly, James suddenly felt a rush of warmth as he looked over at her. Not only had she called Hagrid true in the simplest and most accurate words possible, but just then, James realized those words also perfectly described <em>her</em>. He didn't doubt for a moment that's why she connected with Hagrid, why she found solace in his advice. Though he had only ever talked about it with his parents, he knew Hagrid was half-giant, knew it was kept quiet and generally ignored by people who suspected because the truth would subject Hagrid to a slew of undeserving prejudice. And Lily faced the same undeserving prejudice every day, for something she also had no control over, and yet she too had the most incredible heart. He had just seen it, with Remus, had felt the sting of his own tears in the back of his eyes as he watched her accept Remus as quickly and as unfailingly as he had all those years ago when he'd learned his friend's secret.</p><p>"James?"</p><p>He jolted out of his thoughts, found her blinking up at him as they stood at the forest's edge.</p><p>"Hmm? Sorry."</p><p>She gave him a curious look as she smirked at him. "I asked you how long you've been having tea with Hagrid."</p><p>"Oh. Um, as long as I've been at school, really. I had some detentions with him early on, then just started going down to see him on weekends. He let me tag along on the grounds when he did some of his work, I had a fucking blast."</p><p>Lily smiled, and James would have given anything to know what she was thinking about just then.</p><p>"So, we can take the path for awhile, see if we find anything, yeah?"</p><p>She quirked her brow at him but said, "Lead the way, Potter."</p><p>He walked a ways along the edge, toward a main path that he knew, and breathed deeply through his nose, inhaling the rich, crisp scent of pine, earth, <em>forest</em>. He could practically taste it, the freshness, the crunch of leaves on the ground. James had always loved the forest, ever since he was a kid, but now it was amplified, and he knew it was the stag in him; knew he was called to the stillness, the peace, the quiet.</p><p>It didn't take long for him to find the path he wanted, and they set off in companionable silence. James watched Lily look curiously at their surroundings as they walked, intrigued but seemingly unafraid.</p><p>"You don't look too scared, Evans."</p><p>She gave him a playful smile. "We're on <em>school grounds</em>, Potter. I'm pretty sure the only potentially dangerous thing around these parts is currently behind his bed curtains with Marly."</p><p>James laughed. "Very true."</p><p>Lily fanned her hand through leafy brush as they passed. "Why hasn't he ever told her?"</p><p>James shrugged. "Dunno. I s'pose it made sense to keep it secret when we were younger, too much risk of it getting out. But now that they're still together and it's our last year…I mean, I know she wouldn't tell."</p><p>"Maybe I'll talk to him," Lily mused.</p><p>"He'd listen to you on that more than he'd listen to me."</p><p>Lily threw him a playful look. "Yeah, I can't imagine the bloke dating the same girl for three years would take dating advice from the friend who had a fake relationship."</p><p>James rolled his eyes but took the jab. They hadn't addressed their game of Snare since the night of the full moon, and as James couldn't tell if it still bothered her or not, he figured he'd let her take the mick all she wanted.</p><p>After a moment of silence, Lily broke it, changing the topic and taking James by surprise as she asked, "So opening match is next weekend—you ready?"</p><p>"Uh, yeah." James ran a hand through his hair, turning over the last practice in his mind. "Vance fits right in with me and Shack. McClaggan's in good shape, we'll see how he holds up in front of a crowd, though. Mac's obviously good to go, and so's LB. It really comes down to Sirius, his gashes are healed but he's still sore. Should be back to normal in another week, though."</p><p>Lily nodded. "Hufflepuff's a defense team, aren't they?"</p><p>James cast her a sideways look. "Since when do you talk Quidditch?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "I <em>do </em>watch all the school matches, and I <em>have</em> lived with Mac for the past six years. I'm not an <em>imbecile</em>."</p><p>James chuckled. "Well, consider me impressed, Evans. But yeah, they are. Bones is a damn good Keeper, and those Beaters he has are smart shots."</p><p>Lily seemed to hesitate a moment, but then she said, "You should try double-feinting him."</p><p>James stopped in his tracks, looking down at her curiously. "What d'you—"</p><p>She met his eye with a casual shrug. "Eddie does everything—literally <em>everything</em>—by the book, and he <em>studies</em> Quidditch. He studies his <em>opponents</em>." Lily shook her head. "He knows how most of the Hogwarts Chasers shoot, he's told me. I stood with him at the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match last year, he called all Gryffindor's shots true"—her lips quirked in a smile—"even yours, Potter."</p><p>James gaped at her. "He—what d'you mean, he called them?"</p><p>Lily looked amused. "Like, you'd be flying toward Ravenclaw's hoops, and he'd say, <em>Potter's going middle</em>, and then you did."</p><p>James just stared. "He can <em>do</em> that?"</p><p>Lily chuckled. "Yeah, he can. Like I said, he really studies it, really reads people."</p><p>"So you think…I should double-feint?"</p><p>She nodded, started walking slowly again. "Most Chasers shoot straight or feint once, so that's what he expects, and he reads by eyes and arm. He explained it to me once. You need another layer of unexpected to get past him."</p><p>James didn't say anything, too absorbed in his thoughts. <em>Edgar</em> read him <em>that well</em>? <em>Lily</em> was giving him advice on how to beat her <em>ex-boyfriend</em>?</p><p>She was looking up at him with a nervous expression. "I'm sorry—did I dump this on you too late? I should have said before—"</p><p>"No, no," James hastily answered. "This is perfect, this is plenty of time. I'm just—surprised."</p><p>"About Eddie? Or that I'm telling you?"</p><p>"Honestly, both."</p><p>She bumped into him playfully. "I <em>am</em> a Gryffindor, Potter."</p><p>James lifted a hand to the back of her neck. "That you are, Evans."</p><p>"—and Remus <em>did</em> lecture me on giving moral support to my Head Boy…"</p><p>James grinned. "Is that so?"</p><p>"Mhmm." And then Lily did something she'd never done before, and slipped her own arm around his waist, her hand holding onto his side. James slid his arm to drape around her shoulder, pulling her closer by the crook of his elbow.</p><p>"Then I'll have to make sure to impress my Head Girl with my Chasing skills."</p><p>Lily swatted his chest with her other hand. "You're such a prat."</p><p>James chuckled. "I have to show off anyway, scouts'll be there."</p><p>She lifted her head to look at him, eyes wide. "Scouts? Like, professional?"</p><p>He nodded, looking away to steer them around some wildly overgrown tree roots. "Yeah, they'll be there for LB, but I've sort of been thinking about it."</p><p>"And what you said at Slug Club? Was that not…"</p><p>James shook his head. "Nah, that was true. I've planned on applying for Auror training since before O.W.L.s, I just…I don't know. Fucking <em>Yaxley</em> is running the Investigation Department. Doesn't make it seem like the Auror Office is that legitimate right now."</p><p>"I'd kind of forgotten about him," Lily said quietly. James gave her shoulder a squeeze, remembering how Yaxley had been very slimy toward Lily.</p><p>"He's not worth thinking about. But what about you, Slughorn said Gringotts, yeah?"</p><p>"Um, yeah." He felt Lily shrug. "Just, you know…"</p><p>She trailed off, but James didn't know. "Evans, saying you want to go into banking is about as vague as saying you want to work at the Ministry."</p><p>She chuckled, and James thought he could sense she was blushing as she said, "Fine. Curse-breaking, actually."</p><p>His eyebrows shot up in surprise, though she had her eyes trained on the ground as the path was getting bumpier and couldn't see his reaction. "Are you for real?"</p><p>Lily cleared her throat. "Er, yeah. That's why I'm taking the N.E.W.T.s I am." James didn't say anything right away, too surprised by this new information, and she rambled on, "It's <em>fascinating</em> magic. Breaking curses and working with ancient magical artifacts combines so many different things—runes, maths, potion-making, charm work. And then there's the <em>travel</em>—"</p><p>She sounded wistful for a moment, but then her voice changed, something tired, as she grumbled, "Honestly, anything away from England sounds pretty great right about now."</p><p>James felt a pang in his gut, knowing she was thinking about the war and dreaming about a place, a time, when she wouldn't be a target. He pulled her closer, gave her shoulder a squeeze.</p><p>"I never knew that's what you wanted to do, but it's sick."</p><p>She smiled up at him, and he thought she looked a little bashful even though she looked pleased. "You don't think I'm <em>chasing a pipe dream</em> or <em>childishly obsessed with treasure hunting</em>?"</p><p>James frowned down at her. "Who the hells said <em>that</em>? <em>Literally</em> hunting treasure sounds like one of the most <em>wicked</em> cool jobs there is"—he lifted a hand to ruffle her hair—"after being a professional Quidditch player, of course. Now <em>there's </em>a pipe dream."</p><p>Lily laughed, her first genuine laugh of the night, and it instantly made James smile. But then she did him one better, and looked up at him as she said, "You're good enough, you know. To go pro." Blushing, she turned to watch her step again and added, "I mean, I barely know a thing about Quidditch, and even <em>I</em> can see <em>that</em>."</p><p>His heart swelled, not even at the substance of her compliment but at how <em>right</em> this all felt, how <em>amazing</em> she was, more than he'd even thought. With every new piece of information learned, every period of time spent with her, she just kept getting <em>better</em> and he just wanted to be with her, around her, <em>more</em>.</p><p>James acted instinctively, steering her off the path for a few paces and then to the back of a large tree, where he released his arm from around her and turned to face her.</p><p>She pulled her arm from him, started saying, "Wha—" but James was reaching for her waist, telling her, "I need to kiss you, Evans," just before his mouth met hers.</p><p>He felt her smile a moment, then kiss him back, sliding her hands up his chest and to his shoulders. As seemed to be the case every time he kissed Lily, James had a moment of complete disbelief. How had this <em>happened</em>? How had the girl he'd crushed on since he was thirteen become the girl he was snogging in the Forbidden Forest? How had snogging Lily Evans—<em>hooking up </em>with Lily Evans—become something he <em>did</em>?</p><p>James pressed his hands into the small of her back, walked her back the couple steps until she could lean against the tree, her body fitting neatly into the curved dip of its trunk. Her mouth was hot against his, her lips soft and full. She threaded her hands through his hair, and that familiar swooping feeling seemed to spread from her fingers on his scalp down through every limb. He vaguely realized they were moving against each other, a gentle rock as they sought friction, but just then he didn't even want to do any more yet, just wanted to keep making out with her, absorbed in kissing her, caressing her, without threat of interruption, in the peace and stillness of the forest. Maybe she felt the same, because for awhile that's all they did, hands wandering, tongues lingering, hips rolling.</p><p>At some point, as his hands had found their way up her jumper to her breasts, his thumbs swirling in slow circles, James broke from her mouth to trail kisses along her jaw and onto her neck, sucking at a spot just underneath her ear and eliciting those soft, gasping noises that made his spine tingle. Her fingers slid under the hem of his shirt, and his own small groan sounded in his throat as she pressed fingertips against his abdomen, tracing his obliques.</p><p>He lifted his mouth to her ear. "Like those, Evans?"</p><p>She smiled. "About as much as you like these, Potter."</p><p>He smiled back and gave her breasts a gentle squeeze. "Like I said, Evans. Sexy as fuck."</p><p>Lily sighed and James shivered as she slid her fingers up his torso, her voice breathless as she said, "Fuck, I want you to touch me."</p><p>James's chest purred and he nuzzled her ear, whispering, "As you wish, Head Girl."</p><p>He heard her gasp softly as he withdrew his hands from her, bending down to pull the cloak from his backpack at his feet. Lily's eyes seemed to sparkle in understanding as he swirled the cloak around them.</p><p>"You weren't too concerned with being invisible by the lake," she said softly.</p><p>"We weren't in the Forest," he answered. "It can actually be quite an, ah, <em>active</em> place."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"Yeah. But now we're hidden."</p><p>And he kissed her, something slow, while he reached his hand under her long jumper, down the front of her leggings, and toward her center while pressing his knee solidly between her legs. She was already wet, and he skimmed his fingers over her, relishing those soft gasps she made at his touch, but she was still focused enough to reach for his belt, undoing his fly, her movements swifter than he could have done just then.</p><p>She looked up at him as she trailed her fingertips up his length, making him shiver. "How many times have you been in the Forest with a girl, Potter?"</p><p>His eyes closed as she wrapped her hand fully around him, her palm warm against the chilly night air, and he shook his head. "Haven't."</p><p>She didn't say anything, and he opened his eyes to find her looking at him with surprise.</p><p>James grinned. "You get to perform my Forbidden Forest deflowering, Evans."</p><p>He nuzzled the side of her face, added quietly in her ear, "And there's no one else I'd rather it be than you."</p><p>James sensed her smile, felt her grip on him tighten, as she murmured, "You're such a melt, Potter."</p><p>"Only for you, Lily."</p><p>Her responding hum in his ear, something throaty and soft, set his insides fluttering even more than they already were, and he slipped his fingers inside her as he buried his face in her neck, sucking on that spot just under her ear. Their hands on each other synced up in their rhythm and Lily's thighs squeezed around his leg as her free fingers sank into his hair and he slid his free hand up her jumper to press into her bare back. James didn't understand it, how with Lily, just touching each other felt more exciting, more erotic, just <em>better</em> than doing more with any other girl ever had—even Dahlia, whom he cared for deeply in his own way and who knew how to touch him <em>very</em> well. But even with Dahlia, though the chemistry was there and they had taken the time to perfect it, there had still been something missing, something special just to Lily that lit his whole body up like lightening and made his heart feel like it was about to burst any second.</p><p>James knew exactly what it was: he was in love with her. He had been turning it over in his mind ever since it had almost slipped out that night by the lake, and now he knew it more than ever. And ironically, or maybe not, Dahlia had been the first, the <em>only</em>, person he'd said it aloud to, when they'd huddled together after Snare, after they'd realized Lily had disappeared. Dahlia had looked about as distraught as he'd felt, and it had just tumbled out of his mouth as he'd asked Dahlia to go look for her upstairs. "See if she'll talk to me. I don't want her to be upset, we've—it's been—I'm just—I'm in love with her, Dahl. I finally got a chance with her, and I—just see if she'll talk to me?" As soon as Dahlia had come down, her face grim, James had known Lily was upset, and he and Dahlia had retreated up to <em>his</em> dorm, where he'd filled Dahlia in more fully on everything that had gone on with Lily and they'd schemed and strategized how to make it right. But nothing had gone to plan, because he'd seen Lily Saturday night when he hadn't been supposed to, and he'd been rattled because that was the worst injury they'd ever had with Remus before, and their impromptu discussion in his bathroom hadn't gone remotely close to the declaration he'd rehearsed, and he'd wondered all week whether he should broach the topic again, but then she'd dropped that she knew about Remus, and he'd fallen even more in love with her watching her embrace their friend and spearhead the effort to brew this new potion for him, and then all the Snare drama seemed like water under the bridge given the night before, and now he was necking her, fingering her against a tree in the Forbidden Forest whilst on their detention for getting caught fingering her in the library, and somehow everything felt normal again.</p><p>And now, even though he was in love with her and was falling more in love with her each day, he was resolved to wait to tell her, because he didn't want to scare her off, because they hadn't even had their first real bloody date, because he had this feeling, this thought he was afraid to think, that there was something special, something different, about what was happening between him and Lily, and if he was going to tell her he was in love with her, he wanted the moment to be perfect.</p><p>James lifted his head from her neck, gave her a heady kiss, then broke away, breathing hard as he looked at her. He thought she had a wicked glint in her eye, and then she did another thing she'd never done: she brought her free hand to her face and then slowly, teasingly, slid two fingers into her mouth.</p><p>He thought his jaw might have hit the forest floor. He also thought for a second that he might come, but that fleeting moment passed as her hand on him slowed and she looked up at him with wide, glittering eyes, her fingers sliding slowly in and out of rosy, swollen lips.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Evans." James swallowed hard, then quickened the curling pace of his fingers inside her. "Fuck, you're—"</p><p>But he choked on his words, not even sure how he would have finished that sentence, as Lily tightened her grip and swirled her thumb over him, just as she sunk her fingers deeper into her mouth.</p><p>Something like a low growl sounded from his throat as he thrust into her hand, shoving his fingers deeper inside her in tandem with the slam of his hips. She let out a little whimpering noise but didn't stop the slow, glistening slide of her fingers in her mouth, didn't look away.</p><p>His voice came out low, raspy. "I want you—to suck me off—so <em>fucking</em> bad, Lily."</p><p>She squeezed her legs around his thigh, thrusting her hips toward his hand.</p><p>"I've thought about that—since I was <em>fifteen</em>."</p><p>Her eyebrows climbed up her forehead, and she tilted her head slightly, pausing the slide of her fingers just long enough for him to glimpse her tongue underneath them. It almost undid him.</p><p>"It's true," he said, his breath getting more ragged by the second. "I've fantasized—about you sucking me off—<em>so many</em> fucking times."</p><p>She smirked around her fingers, then started pumping him that way he'd showed her he liked as her hips bucked over his thigh.</p><p>His eyes scrunched as he watched her tilt her head the other way, saw her cheeks cave in ever so slightly as she sucked, and he pulled his hand from her, too close to be able to focus, bracing himself against the tree truck behind her with both hands as he leaned over her.</p><p>"Fuck, I'm—"</p><p>She looked up at him, eyes wide and liquid and glittering in the dark. He watched her fingers, sliding wetly around her lips, still rosy, still swollen, and he thought about what those lips would feel like, <em>look</em> like, sliding over his—</p><p>"<em>Lily, fuck</em>—<em>cover me</em>."</p><p>Her palm closed over him, catching his release as he spilled, and she pulled her fingers out of her mouth to grab him and work him with both hands as he came. James was groaning something nonsensical, thrusting into her hands, breathing hard, and as soon as he started to come back to himself, he reached down and returned his hand to her, finding her just as wet as he'd left her, immediately setting in with a quick, dancing pace of his fingers, sending her bucking and keening over his hand even as she still held onto him.</p><p>He rested his forehead against hers, their noses side-by-side as he murmured, "And I want to go down on you, Evans." Another whimper escaped her, more ringing this time without her fingers in her mouth to block it. "I want to get on my fucking knees for you and feel you come on my mouth."</p><p>Lily shuddered and contracted around his fingers.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em> yes, Lil."</p><p>She still held onto him, and he was still hard, and he thought it might be the best torture he'd ever endured to feel her reflexive squeezes as he hit a particular spot she liked. More than ever, he wished he could come back-to-back as fast as she could.</p><p>"And then I want to come in <em>your </em>mouth."</p><p>She contracted again, squeezed harder, bit back a small cry.</p><p>"Fuck, just say the word, Evans."</p><p>"How?" she breathed.</p><p>James paused for the briefest of seconds. "What?"</p><p>"How? Did you—fantasize about—me down on you?"</p><p>He brought his free hand back to the small of her back, under her jumper, holding her against him while he kept up his stroking pace with his other hand.</p><p>"Every way," he told her. "In my bed, in our office"—the smallest intake of breath betrayed her surprise—"yeah, Evans, I get off to you. Only you. All the time."</p><p>She contracted more at that, her clean hand leaving her grip on him to grab at his shirt, pull him somehow even closer, wrap an arm around his shoulder. "<em>James</em>."</p><p>"In the common room, skiving off class, after Quidditch—"</p><p>"Win." Her muscles contracted again.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Her grin was suddenly just as wicked as right before she'd put her fingers in her mouth. "Win, Potter. Next weekend. Win and I'll blow you after."</p><p>James stared at her, mouth falling open. "Are you—for real?"</p><p>Her eyes scrunched just then, her mouth falling open in a different way as she nodded and forced out a, "Yeah—<em>oh, fuck</em>."</p><p>James could feel the growing tautness in her body, and he tightened his hold on her as he increased the speed and pressure of his fingers.</p><p>"That's it, Lil."</p><p>Lily lowered her head, pressing her face into his neck, and James lifted his free hand to bury into her hair, the soft strands sliding like silk against his lips, her honey-like scent filling his nose. Her thighs were still squeezing around his legs, and he could tell by the frantic little thrusts of her hips that she was close, <em>really</em> close, and he smiled against her hair, tilted his finger to give her that quick little stroke over her center that he'd learned she liked. She rewarded him with a muffled cry, her fingertips pressing hard into his back.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, Lily. Over the edge, come on."</p><p>A soft moan was followed by, "James—<em>there</em>—yes—oh, yes—<em>James</em>."</p><p>He would never get tired of hearing his name in her voice, in that <em>tone</em>—something desperate but intimate, filled with pleasure.</p><p>On the next quick little stroke of his finger, he felt it—the slight tremor of her inner walls around his other finger, still inside her, that told him he had her.</p><p>"Fuck yes, Lil." He plunged his fingers back into her, stroking her with long sweeps while he kept constant pressure rubbing against that sensitive spot, and within seconds he felt her walls close around his fingers in flashing spasms, heard that throaty little <em>noise </em>emanating from where her mouth pressed so hard against his neck he could feel the imprint of her teeth, and he shoved his leg harder between her legs as her knees buckled, felt her weight sag against his thigh as she shuddered and twitched and clung tightly to his back, and he tightened his arm around her, holding her strongly against him through her lingering spasms.</p><p>She was breathing hard, her face buried in his chest, and he relished in the feeling of holding her, cradling her, stoic and sassy Lily Evans, come undone by his fingers—<em>only</em> his.</p><p>Her voice was muffled, almost weak. "James?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Wand?"</p><p>He withdrew his arms around her to pull his wand from the pocket inside his jacket, and then he vanished his release from her hand, tidying them both up, and started doing up his jeans.</p><p>She had regained enough composure to give him a sly smile. "So how was it?"</p><p>James stared at blankly. She quirked a brow.</p><p>"Your <em>Forbidden Forest</em> <em>deflowering</em>?"</p><p>He chuckled as he stuffed his wand back in his jacket and brought his hands to her waist, pushing her back against the tree. "The best I could have asked for."</p><p>She was trying not to smile. "So was mine. Some rogue I know."</p><p>James leaned down toward her mouth, smirking as he said, "A rogue, hmm? Funny, mine was a thief."</p><p>Lily's breath tickled his skin. "Oh? Stealing your pride?"</p><p>He chuckled softly, hovered over her lips. "No, she stole my heart."</p><p>A loud crash through the brush, followed by an echoing voice, had them both suddenly frozen, not daring to even breathe. James strained his ears, focusing on calming his mind so he could tap into more of his heightened stag senses. He slowly pulled his head up from Lily, careful to keep himself covered with the cloak as he craned around the tree.</p><p>Shit. It was <em>Slytherins</em>. A whole <em>group</em> of them, making their way down the main path without any attempt to be quiet or respectful. James hoped the centaurs were around; he didn't think they'd mind a little passion happening in their forest, but they sure as hell would mind Slytherins trying to blast bushes and tree roots out of their way.</p><p>"Cut it out!" Dolohov's voice rang through the silence, and James heard Lily's sharp intake of breath.</p><p>"Yeah," he breathed. "It's a group of Slytherins."</p><p>Dolohov was scolding Avery and Mulciber. "—the bloody mess you're making, even you two could track yourselves through this damn forest."</p><p>Lily whispered, "Where d'you suppose they're going?"</p><p>James shook his head. "Dunno. Want to find out, curse-breaker?"</p><p>She grinned at him.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>They followed along behind the Slytherins, careful to keep a good distance between them, and James looped his arm back around her neck, like they were just out for casual stroll deep into the forest. Soon the path became completely overrun, and the Slytherins cut to the right, weaving through trees, and it was slower-going with navigating the thick underbrush from under the cloak.</p><p>Eventually the trees opened to a small clearing, and the Slytherins congregated in a circle, Dolohov and Snape magicking a fire over a pile of wood in the center.</p><p>Regulus asked, "So what do we have to talk about tonight?"</p><p>Dolohov was surveying the surrounding trees, and Lily felt like ice was sliding down her spine as his eyes passed right over where her and James were, crouched behind a massive tree root. "How to get her here."</p><p>James went even more still beside her, and Lily's stomach knotted. She didn't have any doubt she was the <em>her</em> Dolohov was referring to.</p><p>Dolohov was turning, saying to Avery and Mulciber. "Go sweep the area, make sure we're alone."</p><p>"Shit," James muttered, backing up slowly in his crouched position. Lily mimicked him, trying not to breathe as the Slytherins in the distance looked in their direction, eyes roaming amongst the trees for any sign of movement. James paused, still as a cat. "Hold on," he whispered, "maybe we can wait 'em out." But a moment later, Mulciber and Avery started trundling through the brush, swinging their wand light in wide arcs, only yards away from where James and Lily were.</p><p>"Fuck. <em>Run</em>!"</p><p>He was pulling her arm, guiding her up as he balled the cloak under his arm and sprinted off through the trees, the shouts of Mulciber and Avery immediately ringing through the air as they spotted James and Lily. Lily had never ran as hard as she did just then, sprinting with everything she had to keep up with James. He was dodging and ducking through the trees, and she soon realized why, as a hex went so close to her head that its spark singed her cheek.</p><p>"Shoot back!" James called over his shoulder. "I can't risk hitting you!"</p><p>Why hadn't she thought of that? Aiming her wand over her shoulder, she launched hex after hex that came to mind, hoping that one of them would land, or at least throw the Slytherins off. Her legs were on fire, lungs burning, but she pushed herself after James. They broke through the trees at speed, and James pelted down the lawn, making for the giant Whomping Willow—was he <em>mad</em>? But as she pulled up to him, clutching her sides as she gasped for air, the Willow suddenly stopped moving, and before she could get out her question, James was pulling her arm, shoving her through the immobile branches and toward an opening at the base of the trunk.</p><p>"In, quick."</p><p>Lily obeyed, sinking down into the hole in the ground and finding that it opened into an earthy slope that led to the bottom of a low tunnel. James slid through the passageway beside her right as the branches started their wild movements above them, and the opening closed right before her eyes. James illuminated his wand and tugged her hand.</p><p>"Come on. If they double back and get Snape, he might remember how to get in here. I want to make sure we're at the other end if that happens."</p><p>Lily nodded, too out of breath to answer, and let him pull her along the passage. It was so low that they were bent double, and it seemed to last forever. Right when Lily thought she wouldn't be able to go any more, the tunnel seemed to rise and twist, and they came up against an opening. James pushed himself through, then turned and reached a hand down to Lily to help her climb up. She collapsed in a huff, spreadeagled on the floor, not even bothering to look around to see where they were, though it was dark anyway, only a few threads of moonlight illuminating whatever room they were in.</p><p>James was on his feet, waving his wand and muttering to himself to get the opening to seal itself up. Finally, he let out a deep breath and wiped his brow, then sunk to the ground against the wall. A moment of silence, and then she heard him say, "Sirius. Sirius. Damnit, come on. <em>Sirius</em>." He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall, meeting it with a thud.</p><p>Lily lifted her head and peered over at him. "Care to explain that?"</p><p>He was still leaning his head against the wall, his eyes closed, but he held up a small mirror in his hand. "Two-way mirror. Sirius has the other one."</p><p>Lily frowned, slowly sitting up and looking around her. "Where's the cloak?"</p><p>"Backpack."</p><p>"And you sealed the opening?"</p><p>"Yeah, it should hold."</p><p>Now that she was sitting up, Lily surveyed what she could in the room around her through her adjusted eyes. She could tell the windows were boarded up, though thin strips of moonlight still peaked through, illuminating peeling walls and broken pieces of furniture scattered around the room.</p><p>"James," she said slowly, "where are we?"</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair. "Er, Shrieking Shack."</p><p>Lily's eyes went wide. "Seriously?" She had heard all the ghost stories, of course, but had never believed them; now, seeing the torn up room around her—</p><p>Wait. Was <em>this</em> where…</p><p>"How did you know this tunnel was here?"</p><p>James smirked softly. "You know about the map, Evans. Not to brag, but if something's here, odds are we know about it."</p><p>Lily honestly couldn't deny that.</p><p>James was holding the mirror up again. "Sirius…<em>Sirius</em>."</p><p>Suddenly, Sirius's voice boomed back. "How's detention, Prongsie?"</p><p>James's face split into a grin at seeing his friend. "Evans is here, mate. And, er, it's not exactly good."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>James raked his hand through his hair, making it stand up even more than normal now that it was all sweaty. "You got the map?"</p><p>"Yeah, one sec."</p><p>Lily could hear Sirius whistling to himself as he rummaged around on the other side of the mirror, and then there was sound of parchment unfolding, followed by silence as Sirius's whistling abruptly stopped. James was staring at the mirror, and Lily would have put money on Sirius staring back, the two of them having one of their silent conversations again.</p><p>"Prongs, <em>what the actual fuck.</em>"</p><p>"They were in the forest, we found their meeting spot while we were doing detention, but we had to run for it. Ergo, here we are."</p><p>"Shit, Prongs. They're fucking <em>guarding</em> the Whomping Willow."</p><p>"How many?" Lily asked.</p><p>"<em>Nine</em>," Sirius answered. "Dolohov, Flint, my fucking brother, Avery, Mulciber, Snape, Rosier, and two other Slytherin girls I don't know."</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>," James sighed.</p><p>"Did they see you go down there?"</p><p>"Someone must've," James said, "and if they told Snape they saw us near the Willow, he'll know where we are."</p><p>"I don't know if we can break you out, mate," Sirius said resignedly. "Fucking <em>nine</em> of them."</p><p>"Well, keep an eye on the map for us, will you? Shout at me if they move? We'll wait it out here."</p><p>"Yessir," Sirius called.</p><p>James clambered to his feet and motioned for Lily to follow him. "Come on, I'll show you the upstairs, it's more comfortable."</p><p>Her legs were shaky as she stood, still quivering from the exertion of sprinting all the way from the Forest, but she followed James into the hall and up a rickety staircase. Once upstairs, he led her to one of the doors off a dark landing. Pushing it open, Lily saw that it was filled with a magnificent four-poster bed with black hangings, and it was all in-tact, unlike the room downstairs.</p><p>She turned to face him. "James…is this where Remus—"</p><p>He nodded, watching her curiously. "Yeah, this is where he turns on full moons."</p><p>"And you all…stay here with him? How?"</p><p>James hesitated a moment, then said, "We can…contain him. That's really all I can say about it. But remember we've been doing this for years, Evans."</p><p>Her throat suddenly felt thick, her stomach twisting at the thought of the destruction downstairs, the knowledge of the feral energy that could cause that, the visual of Sirius's deep gashes still fresh in her mind.</p><p>"And…last weekend? Sirius?"</p><p>James shook his head. "Shouldn't have happened. Normally never <em>does</em> happen, at least not that bad."</p><p>Lily nodded, not knowing what to say to that, and so she gestured to the bedroom. "And this is where—"</p><p>"He recovers after. Yeah." James touched her arm lightly, pointed down the hall. "Lavatory is the last door, if you want to, erm, clean up a bit." He plucked a leaf out of her hair.</p><p>Lily laughed and soon found herself in a complete fit, unable to breathe as James kept finding leaves and small twigs in her hair, his own shoulders shaking as he started to laugh along with her.</p><p>Finally, she pushed away from him, playfully cursing his pile of forest that he had pulled from her hair, and made her way to the last door in the corridor, which opened into a small lavatory. Lily tidied herself as best she could at the chipped sink, scrubbing her face of the dirt and sweat that had dried there and combing out her tangled hair with her fingers. Her jumper was a disaster, full of dirt and grass stains, but she would deal with that tomorrow.</p><p>She returned to the bedroom to find James leaning against the footboard of the bed, like he had been waiting for her. She flipped her currently-wild hair playfully, gesturing to her earth-stained clothes. "Would you say this look is more <em>Professor Sprout</em> or <em>Hagrid's long-lost sister</em>?"</p><p>James snickered as he pushed himself off the footboard, dropping a kiss on her lips as he passed by her to head down the hall himself. "Definitely Hagrid's sister, Evans."</p><p>Lily pulled off her jacket, tossing it to the floor, and then moved around to the side of the bed, sat on the edge, and flopped back, musing to herself that the bedding felt softer than she had expected. Then reality caught up with her.</p><p>She was off-grounds. With <em>James</em>.</p><p>They weren't making it out of the Shrieking Shack that night; the Slytherins would stake them out through morning, and potentially through the day, since it would be Saturday. She had no idea what time it was, but it had to be past midnight, if their detention had started at eight. Adrenaline was still singing through her whole body from their escape, but now a fresh wave of nerves zinged through her veins, her heart thudding harder as she realized that this was the first time her and James had been truly, completely alone.</p><p>With a <em>bed</em>.</p><p>As if summoned by her thoughts, James materialized in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. Lily sat up slowly, taking him in. He seemed slightly fresher, like he had scrubbed his face and neck, and his hair was damp from where he had undoubtedly ran a wet hand through it a few times.</p><p>Meeting his gaze, she stood and walked over to him.</p><p>"Thank you," she said quietly. "For getting us out of there."</p><p>He sighed. "Evans, you wouldn't have even been in that situation if it weren't for me." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have asked you to follow them with me."</p><p>"No, I wanted to." It was the truth; once she had been caught up in the moment, in sleuthing around the Slytherins, there was no way she was going to turn around. "Besides, it's not like I'm not up for it. I am going into curse-breaking, you know."</p><p>He smiled down at her. "I suppose this is probably good practice for all your dangerous international missions, then."</p><p>She nodded, and her voice was quieter when she said, "It was addicting. Even more than I thought it would be. Everything about it, even being chased, I—I feel…<em>high</em>."</p><p>He grinned even wider at that. "Welcome to the rush of rule-breaking, Evans."</p><p>Lily took a slight step toward him. "How long does it last? This rush?"</p><p>"For me? Usually until the next day. I have to sleep it off."</p><p>Their eyes locked. Lily took another step toward him, realizing that he seemed to be waiting for her to give him some sort of permission to cross the threshold. She thought she knew why; her heart was beating too fast, the rush of the whole night's events still fresh in her blood, recklessness still flooding her brain, along with her incessant, aching <em>need</em> for him—and if she felt that, then surely James did too. <em>Until the next day</em>.</p><p>Her voice came out in a whisper. "Good thing we have all night."</p><p>James stared at her for only a moment, and then his hand was at her neck and his mouth was on hers. His kiss was hungry, messy, as he backed her into the room until her legs hit the footboard. James picked her up, setting her on its ledge, and then tugged her jumper over her head before immediately pulling off his own. He returned his mouth to hers and his hands roamed her bare skin. Lily melted into him, her own hands at his shoulders, his neck, his back. His skin was soft, his muscles hard; she gripped his arms as he leaned her back over the edge of the ledge where she was perched, breaking away from her mouth to trail kisses down her throat.</p><p>"You like those, Evans?"</p><p>His voice was raspy, low, and she squeezed his triceps where she held onto him, feeling him smile against her skin. James brought his face up to look at her. His eyes were gleaming in the dark, his face a picture of the reckless adrenaline that she felt pumping through her whole body.</p><p>"I like everything," she told him. "I <em>want</em> everything, I want <em>you</em>—"</p><p>His mouth was back on hers, tongue deep inside. She faintly comprehended that he had unhooked her bra, was pulling the straps down her arms, and she was helping him slide her arms out of them. Her hands went to his belt, making swift work of buckle, button, and zipper, and then she was shimmying his jeans down his hips and he was stepping out of them. One of his arms held her solidly around her waist, the other slid underneath her, and her legs wrapped instinctively around him as he picked her up and carried her around to the side of the bed before tossing her down on the covers.</p><p>She found herself giggling as she landed with a small bounce in the soft bedding, and James was grinning down at her as he pulled her leggings, together with her knickers, clean off. Her laughter faded as she watched his eyes roam over her, biting her lip. Tossing the rest of her clothes on the ground, he said quietly, "Evans, you're perfect."</p><p>She was smiling, but he wouldn't have seen; he was too busy pressing kisses to her knee, up her thigh, over her hip, across her stomach, around her breasts, his lips like a trail of fire on her skin as they roamed over every slope, every dip, like they were memorizing the map of her body. Lily had been alone enough with Edgar on a few occasions to get completely naked with him, and she had been naked with Chuck Davies in the Prefects' Bathroom, but she had never had her naked body explored like this.</p><p>Lily's eyes fluttered closed, her hands burying into James's hair as he sucked on one breast while caressing the other, every lap of his tongue lighting up that electrical wire in her body, sending shockwaves of pleasure rushing through her veins. He swapped breasts, and Lily thought she might crumble, the shift of his body over hers making his arousal press into her thigh as he devoted equal lavishing attention to this side. Lily's head swam, nonsensical noises escaping her throat as she arched against him, drunk on the pleasure flooding her body.</p><p>She was dazed by the time he brought his mouth up to her neck, and she slid her hands from his hair to his cheeks, pulling his face up to hers as she whispered, "James."</p><p>The room wasn't completely dark from the pinpricks of moonlight filtering through the cracks in the boarded up windows, and she could see that his eyes were liquid, his lips swollen, his cheeks ruddy.</p><p>"You're so fucking <em>beautiful</em>, Evans. I want to just—make out with your whole body."</p><p>She giggled through her haze, pushed his hair back from his forehead.</p><p>"What you said last night. Did you…mean it?"</p><p>His eyes searched hers as he swallowed thickly. "Evans, I'm—thinking's a little hard—right now. But I mean <em>everything</em> I say to you."</p><p>"I'm really the only—well—you've never—"</p><p>"Lily." His voice had that commanding tone, and he looked directly in her eyes. "You're the <em>only</em> girl I've <em>ever</em> had feelings for like this. Fuck, just being <em>around</em> you feels better than <em>anything</em> I've done with <em>anyone</em> else."</p><p>She bit her lip, feeling a surge of warmth for him. Once the shock and obsessive rush with finding the article about the Wolfsbane Potion had subsided, thoughts about Snare, about their conversation in his bathroom, had started creeping back into her mind, though she'd done her best to push them down. Since they'd been back at school, James hadn't given her a single reason not to trust him, and Dahlia had been making an effort to repair their friendship, to move on from whatever awkwardness had arisen between them over the past year. Lily <em>knew</em> they didn't mean to hurt her, <em>knew</em> they couldn't help that they had history and chemistry that they'd shelved but that Snare had forced into the open, and she didn't <em>want</em> to dwell on it, didn't <em>want</em> to be the one making a big deal out of something when it would only cause everyone more drama, more stirring of the past that no one else wanted. She could tell they had both been trying to make it right in their own way, and so she felt she owed it to them to try, in hers, to get over it.</p><p>Still, hearing that he only wanted <em>her</em> was an assurance she needed, and she reveled in his words.</p><p>James was nuzzling her nose with his, his voice low and soft. "I meant what I said tonight, too. About you being the girl that stole my heart."</p><p>Lily's own heart leapt into her throat, her breath catching.</p><p>He smiled, that crinkle-eyed grin that made her insides melt. "You stole it when I was thirteen, actually, around the time you hexed me for charming your hair green to match your eyes."</p><p>Giggles bubbled out of her at the memory, and he bit his lip, his gaze going soft. "I <em>mean</em> it, Evans. It's <em>always</em> been you. No one else has <em>ever</em> compared to you, and I—I don't think anyone else ever will."</p><p>Her heart was so full she could hardly bear it. "<em>James</em>." She reached up to kiss him, her hands burying back in his hair, and she thought something new flowed between them just then, something more than just attraction or chemistry—something deeper, something she was afraid to think about, afraid to name.</p><p>James skimmed fingers down over her skin, making her shiver, and sought her opening, circling her edges. Lily moaned into his mouth, her hips rising instinctually to meet him, and she felt him smile as his thumb found that magical spot and her body arched for him.</p><p>His mouth was at her ear, his voice deliciously smooth. "What do you want, Lily?"</p><p>Her breath was shallow, the soft little darts of his fingers overwhelming, but she could still feel him hard against her skin, now pressing into her side, and she knew that as good as his fingers felt, he would feel infinitely better. "James. I need you inside me."</p><p>Something like a soft growl, almost like a purr, sounded from his throat, and he pulled his fingers away, shifting to be on top of her as he eased her legs apart. At some point, he had taken his boxers off without her noticing, and as Lily looked at him, really took in for the first time that he was just as naked as she was, she felt like the wind knocked out of her. He was perfect.</p><p>And he was teasing her, rubbing his tip where he was lined up against her opening but not pushing fully inside. Lily fought to keep her eyes from fluttering closed, the sight of them joining like that—of nothing but skin and the smooth curves of his muscles and the dusting of chest hair down his abdomen leading to where he was ready for her—making it near impossible to breathe. She glanced up at him but her eyes met the top of his head, jet-black hair messier than ever after having her hands in it, because he was watching, too. And something about that, about seeing him watch himself while he teased her like that, made her snap out of whatever languid pleasure fog she'd been rolling around in, all of her adrenaline from earlier in the night suddenly surging back through her veins, and she grabbed his neck, said his name.</p><p>He looked up sharply, must have seen the change in her face, heard the urgency in her voice, because he <em>smiled</em> and then before she could blink he was sliding, long and smooth, deep inside. All other thought fled, all movement became instinct. She arched against him, legs wrapping tightly around him, hands burying back in his hair as James pressed wet, hurried kisses to her mouth. Maybe the same adrenaline that had surged, renewed, through her had also found him, because for the first time, his movements seemed slightly frantic. Not sloppy, but not as precise, like he was full of nervous energy that he couldn't control.</p><p>He stalled, breathing hard, and pulled back from her, the loss of him inside her a sudden void. But he was smiling, the corner of his mouth turned up in the sexiest sex smirk she'd ever seen, and he was running his hand around the back of her thigh, guiding her leg to twist across her body. Breaking eye contact only to line himself up, his knees spreading wider as he positioned himself in front of her, he looked back up at her as he pushed back inside.</p><p>Fucking <em>angles</em>.</p><p>One hand under her hip, the other moulding to her arse, he held her steady as he picked up his pace. Lily's throat went dry as her eyes roamed over him kneeling in front of her, drank in the marble-pale skin carved with muscle, the tensing of his chiseled abdominals as he thrust into her, the ridges of hip bones and obliques, the curve of his shoulders. He was sublime.</p><p>She lifted her eyes to his and knew instantly from the look on his face that he'd seen her studying him.</p><p>"Evans." His voice was husky. "Leg—on my shoulder"—he swallowed hard, licked his lips—was he looking down at her the same way she was looking up at him?—"I'm getting close—need to get you."</p><p>Lily acquiesced, lifting her leg to rest on his shoulder, and he freed his hand under her hip to caress her a moment, turning his head to press those freshly-licked lips to her calf before he tucked it against the curve of his neck and reached his fingers down to give her those soft little strokes that pulled her apart.</p><p>She fought to keep her eyes open, her body suddenly flooded with zinging currents of pleasure. "<em>James</em>—fuck, James—I'm—"</p><p>He groaned as he picked up his pace, both with his fingers and inside her. "I want to watch you, Lily. You're so fucking <em>perfect</em>, I need to <em>watch</em> you."</p><p>Cries were escaping her that she'd never made, her whole body on the verge of breaking.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>." His voice had that edge to it, that warning. She looked up at him through hooded, heavy eyes, saw the small beads of sweat forming at his hairline, his brow furrowing, his eyes starting to scrunch behind his glasses. She held onto the outside of his thigh, the closet piece of him she could reach, and focused on those magical little strokes of his fingers pulling her towards the edge.</p><p>"J—<em>yes</em>—don't stop—fuck, <em>J</em>—"</p><p>He sped up his pace, if it was possible, even more, and his soft mantra of "<em>fuck</em>" told her that he could feel every shockwave that she did as he ground into her, never missing that pressure she needed.</p><p>"Lil—<em>fuck</em>—I can't wait—<em>Lil</em>."</p><p>Something about his voice just then—raw, a little strangled—made her heart want to burst. She watched his face as she felt him come, and he was crying out like she had never heard before, and then she <em>was</em> bursting, into a thousand tiny pieces, like she was out of her body, like she was melted down, her mind wiped blank as she convulsed around him and her own strangled sounds escaped her lips and his name in her voice rang in the air around them and all she knew was James still moving inside her, James all around her, falling on top of her, holding her tight to him as he kissed her cheek, her chin, her jaw.</p><p>She shuddered as the spasming waves that had overtaken her slowly subsided, and she eventually realized that James had stopped moving, his face hovering over hers, his hands cradling her head. She was dazed, dizzy, and she closed her eyes, feeling James rest his forehead against hers, their noses lined up, as they lay like that, breathing hard, for what seemed like several minutes, though Lily had no way to tell how much time passed.</p><p>Lily felt like she was floating in and out of sleep, every muscle, every bone, drenched in pleasure. James had pulled his face back from hers and then gently slid out of her before collapsing against her, his face in her neck, his weight solid, comforting. Lily stroked his hair, thinking she had never felt more content, and that she should probably tell him that, but she didn't have the energy just then to form the words.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Thin beams of light peaked through the boarded up windows, dancing over Lily's eyelids. She slowly floated toward consciousness, feeling a heaviness over her whole body, and it took her several minutes until she realized that that heaviness was James, his face tucked into the space just above her shoulder, his body sprawled partially over hers. Memories from the night before flitted through her mind in flashes. Crouching with him among the trees, the Invisibility Cloak wrapping them tightly together; sprinting like her life depended on it from the forest, the singe of a stray curse whispering against her cheek; James kissing her, undressing her, <em>undoing</em> her.</p><p>James stirred next to her, groaning softly as he buried his face in her neck. Lily lifted her free hand to his head and wove her fingers in his hair, gently running her nails against his scalp. She could hear him wake up from how he breathed, and then he rolled off of her and onto his back, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.</p><p>"Shit, we fell asleep."</p><p>"Er, yes. Is that a problem?"</p><p>He sighed, his voice still raspy from sleep. "I had thought about staying up and going back under the cloak at dawn, once the front gates open, so you could sneak back into your room before the girls woke up."</p><p>Damn. She had figured they'd wear the cloak back up to Gryffindor Tower, but she hadn't thought through the part where she actually had to get up the girls' staircase and into her dormitory; the fact that James had thought about it for her sent a jolt of affection through her.</p><p>Lily reached under the pillows to pull back the blanket, suddenly cold without James' body heat over her and slightly embarrassed to realize she was laying fully naked with him in broad daylight. Understanding what she was doing, James helped her, and they resettled under the covers. James propped himself up on his elbow, his chin in his palm, facing her.</p><p>"So how was your first detention, Evans?"</p><p>She bit her lip as she looked up at him, holding the blanket in front of her chest as she reached up to push his hair from his forehead. "Hmm. Well, not a single unicorn hair was seen"—his lips twitched—"Slytherins were ran from"—he bit his lower lip, probably to stop another twitch—"a quite earthy escape was made"—the corners of his mouth tugged harder upward—"I spent the night trapped with a rogue"—his eyes twinkled—"<em>and</em> I debauched my friend's bed with his best friend"—he buried his smirk in his palm—"so I'd say…it was the best first detention this heart-thief could have asked for."</p><p>James grinned and leaned over her, his happiness radiating from his face. His eyes were warm, gold in the morning light, and they searched hers with a tender expression that made her heart ache. But as he bent to kiss her, Lily had a strange thought, and she pushed her hand against his chest.</p><p>"Potter."</p><p>He blinked. "What?"</p><p>"It's a Saturday."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"And we're technically in Hogsmeade."</p><p>"Er, yeah?"</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows. "Don't tell me your idea of a date on a future Hogsmeade Saturday is going to top the detention date we just had last night."</p><p>Comprehension dawned and he chuckled softly, that wide grin back splitting his face.</p><p>"You want last night to be our first date, Evans?"</p><p>Lily's insides fluttered, her pulse beating faster in her chest. "Well, it would be a far more memorable first date to have than sitting at The Three Broomsticks. No offense."</p><p>His eyes were soft with affection but still sharp, like he was dissecting her words and the meaning behind them. "None taken. Though I'll have to take you on a second date so you can properly compare a James Potter Day date with a James Potter Detention date. You know, for accuracy's sake."</p><p>Lily smirked at him. "I do like being precise."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Their journey back to Hogwarts felt significantly shorter and entirely boring compared to her memories of escaping the night before, though now being pressed against him under the cloak had the added crackle of tension lingering from their night and morning together. They had stayed in bed another hour, Lily getting on top this time, and she had relished both in the feeling of doing this with a mattress beneath her knees and in James's eyes on her as his hands roamed every square inch of her skin. But finally, their growling stomachs were getting too intense to ignore, and so as Lily had gotten dressed in her clothes from the night before and attempted to detangle all the knots in her hair with her fingers, James hatched a plan with Sirius through the mirror, which he explained to her as he snuck her out of another entrance to the Shrieking Shack and led her toward the High Street.</p><p>"They're still guarding the Willow, and they even have a lookout posted near the Front Gate, so we have to go in another way. Remus and Peter are keeping Marly and Dahl distracted, and Sirius and Mac are going to meet us."</p><p>"You involved <em>Mac</em>?"</p><p>"She only knows we got stuck outside all night after running from the Slytherins. Sirius told her we managed to hide in the Forest and then fell asleep waiting them out."</p><p>"Bloody hell. You really trust her with this?"</p><p>"Yeah, I do. She's like my sister, Evans, you know that."</p><p>"Is she going to…suspect? About…us?"</p><p>James looked down at her. "Probably. You know how perceptive she is."</p><p>Lily didn't respond to that; she did know. Another thought occurred to her. "You trust her more than Dahlia?"</p><p>James stalled, looking down at her with a curious expression, but after a moment he answered her. "I trust them about the same. Honestly, Dahl is probably more discreet than Mac, but it would look weirder for Dahl to be going off with Sirius—they're not as close one-on-one. Sirius and Mac were leaving under the pretense of doing some Quidditch training, so no one would suspect anything weird."</p><p>"Oh. Right." Lily was slightly awed at the depth of their planning, the way they could so quickly and seamlessly account for nuances like that.</p><p>James looked down at her, that same curious expression on his face. "You can tell her, if you want."</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows, and James looked slightly nervous as he confessed, "I've, er, sort of told Remus. And Sirius knows, obviously. And I've talked about you with…well, with Dahlia."</p><p>Her stomach somersaulted. He gave her a soft smile.</p><p>"How I feel about you has never really been a secret, Evans, but they won't say anything about, you know, us doing…this. And Mac or Marly wouldn't either."</p><p>Lily nodded, taking that all in as they started moving again. James expertly tailgated Saturday shoppers heading through the front door of Honeydukes, and then steered her towards the back room and down a flight of stairs to an empty basement, where he lifted a hatch in the floor; Lily didn't need to be told what to do, and she slid in the passage quickly, James right behind her. In the safety of the passage, he illuminated his wand and balled the cloak under his arm, and they made the long trek back, alternating between nonsensical small talk and companionable silence.</p><p>They finally reached the end of the tunnel, and James leaned against the wall, clutching his side like he had a stitch; Lily realized she was also breathing hard, being so focused on getting back that she hadn't noticed the quickness of their pace.</p><p>He pulled out the mirror and spoke quietly: "Sirius, we're here."</p><p>Lily gasped as the stone in the wall in front of her slid back and Sirius's head appeared in front of the crack of daylight, grinning stupidly at the pair of them.</p><p>"Back under the cloak, you two, come on."</p><p>James swung the cloak around them, and they set off down the corridor behind Sirius, who led them into one of the elf passages and then out onto the fifth floor, where he was tapping the statue of Boris the Bewildered and then standing aside for them to walk into the Prefects' Bathroom before he followed behind them.</p><p>They pulled off the cloak, and Mary's jaw dropped as she took in the sight of them.</p><p>"Fucking <em>hell</em>, you really <em>did</em> sleep outside all night, look at the <em>state</em> of you two."</p><p>James chuckled. "We're one with the Forest, now, Mac."</p><p>"Merlin, I'll say. Here, Lil, I brought you a change of clothes, and a sandwich, and I've already ran a bath…"</p><p>"And that's our cue," Sirius said, clapping James on the shoulder as the boys turned toward the door. "See you gals later, and Evans, I never saw you this morning."</p><p>James flashed her one last smile, something so happy it lit up his whole face, before he threw the cloak back over himself and followed Sirius through the doorway.</p><p>Lily turned to see Mary looking at her expectantly, arms crossed, eyes dancing with mischief.</p><p>"How long are you going to make me wait until you explain that look on James's face?"</p><p>And she thought back to James's expression as he admitted to confiding in people he trusted, and she thought about how she hadn't known that Remus or Dahlia knew about her and James, about how they'd continued to respect her privacy, respect her and James figuring this out quietly, and she realized that she was suddenly ready, positively <em>bursting</em>, to talk about it all with her own trusted friend.</p><p>Who also just happened to basically be like James's twin sister.</p><p>Lily grinned at her. "I'll start from the beginning, shall I?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Always Been an Overachiever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James knew Lily had told Mary when Mary came up to him and Sirius in the common room later that evening as everyone was starting to converge for the beginnings of party, and the first thing she did was hiss at James, "You didn't <em>tell me</em> that we interrupted your <em>first kiss</em>."</p><p>He choked on his Butterbeer as Sirius turned to look at her confusedly. "Mac, what are you <em>on</em> about?"</p><p>Mary narrowed her eyes at him. "I assumed you knew. That him and Lily are…"</p><p>Sirius arched his brows as he gave her a pointed look. "I know they're…"</p><p>James smirked at them. "That we're what?"</p><p>Sirius stared at him and made one of those <em>you know</em> head bobs. James chuckled.</p><p>Mary rolled her eyes and whispered. "Having a <em>thing</em>. Which better fucking result in marriage"—James choked on his Butterbeer again—"because you're too bloody perfect together and because I need to tell this story at your wedding."</p><p>Sirius hissed at Mary, "What bloody <em>story</em>?"</p><p>James couldn't hold in his laughter, and he quickly checked over his shoulders before ducking his head and saying to Sirius, "Evans and I first kissed here, in the common room. The night of pool party in the Prefects' Bathroom. We were the only ones in here, except then you two drunk idiots literally <em>fell </em>through the portrait hole smelling like bubblebath, took down that coat tree over there, and we carried your sloshed arses upstairs."</p><p>Sirius stared at him with his mouth hanging open. "I—we really—we <em>saw</em> you? This whole time, you've both known Mac and I saw your guys's first kiss—and we don't fucking remember it?"</p><p>James threw his arm around his friend, thumping him on the back. "You were a little more concerned with being able to stand up the next day, so…"</p><p>"Fucking hell."</p><p>Mary was shaking her head. "I can't <em>believe</em>—I feel like I should apologize, but it's clearly all worked out fine, so—"</p><p>James winked at her. "It's cool, Mac. It's a good story."</p><p>They broke up their little chat after that, Mary going to off chat with the girls, and James helped Sirius and Peter set up goblets on the other side of the room. He had been told it was modeled after a Muggle game played with cups, but, per usual, the Muggle version sounded beyond boring. The Wizarding version was played with charmed goblets, arranged in either end of a long table, and when a ball landed in a goblet, it would either smoke red, meaning the person on the other side had to drink its contents, or it would smoke white, which was a free pass from having to drink anything. Plus, in homage to the greatest (only) wizarding sport, three smoky rings shimmered and floated around the midpoint of the table, so if a ball made it through a hoop <em>and</em> into a goblet, that earned an extra goblet being taken from the other side.</p><p>"Alright, it's Worm and I tonight," Sirius told him. "And you're gonna mix it up."</p><p>James was setting some of the final charms and didn't have time to get his question out before he heard Sirius bellowing, "Evans! Get over here!"</p><p>His heart skipped a beat as he followed Sirius's gaze across the room and saw Lily turn over her shoulder where she was talking to Mary. "What, Black?"</p><p>"Get over here! I'm challenging the Head Boy and Girl to goblets!"</p><p>Sirius was loud enough that he had captured everyone's attention, and their fellow Gryffindors were already cheering and gathering around the table, loving the idea. Lily met James's eye for a moment, biting her lip, and Mary said something in her ear, started walking them over towards the goblets table. James saw Lily give Mary an exaggerated eye roll, but then she pulled up beside him, her smile seeming amused.</p><p>James flashed her a cheeky grin. "Ready to dominate, Evans?"</p><p>She arched her brows at him in return. "You need to ask?"</p><p>Fuck, he loved this girl. He turned to do the coin toss with Sirius, which he won, and as Sirius rolled the balls down the table, James vaguely realized he'd never seen Lily play goblets before. To his utter surprise, she snatched the balls from the table before he could, saying, "I'll go first."</p><p>And then she did a hair flip James had never seen and sunk her first shot through a hoop and into a goblet before handing him the second ball, looking up at him with a coy smile on her face.</p><p>"Who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans?"</p><p>She threw her head back and laughed, swatting in his direction as she turned her attention to the goblets across the table from them.</p><p>"Make your shot, Potter."</p><p>His ball bounced out, and he didn't even care, because Sirius and Peter were each chugging goblets of something and Lily was standing next to him looking like the most alive, magnificent woman he'd ever seen.</p><p>He had never known Lily to, as they say, fully let her hair down. Of course, he had heard about her being at Slughorn's parties and other summer parties he hadn't gone to, and he knew she drank along with every one else. And he obviously knew she had always been popular in her own way, with a string of suitors vying for her Hogsmeade Saturdays since they all started going on dates fourth year. And he had repeatedly heard from his friends that she was fun, the life of the party even, but he'd always thought they were exaggerating or just taking the mick out of him. It was <em>Lily</em>. One of the best rule-followers in the school, never too hungover to not be able to study the next day, and top marks in everything. There was just <em>no way</em>.</p><p>He had been (as he seemed to be continually finding out with her) dead wrong.</p><p>And he was finally seeing the fully hair-down side of Lily Evans that all those other people had seen but somehow he had missed. Or had she just hidden it from him? Or, even worse, had he been some sort of deterrent to her fun-going ways?</p><p>Well, if that was the case, she was clearly over it, and he was captivated.</p><p>Sirius and Peter sunk both of their shots, thankfully with no hoops, and so he and Lily each downed a goblet. Lily made her next shot again, and he missed again, but at least with a strong dose of mead he was starting to feel slightly more used to the presence of this Fun Lily.</p><p>"<em>Potter</em>." She rounded on him, green eyes blazing, blood-red hair swishing across her bare shoulder above where her knit draped around the top of her arm. "This is supposed to be <em>your</em> domain, yeah? The Head Boy Who Partied?"—Sirius snorted—"Can you step up your game, please?"</p><p>James didn't know what came over him just then, but he looped an arm easily around her shoulders, ruffling her hair as he took the offered ball from her hand.</p><p>"<em>Relax</em>, Evans. I'm just warming up."</p><p>And he made his next shot, through a hoop. Lily beamed at him.</p><p>James was vaguely aware that as he and Lily became increasingly tipsier, they also became increasingly touchier. They sassed Sirius and Peter, they laughed with each other, they laughed <em>at </em>each other. They worked the Gryffindor crowd, they linked arms to drink their goblets, they high-fived and squeezed hands when one of them made a good shot. They beat Sirius and Peter, and then they beat the next challengers, and the next, and the next. James started dangling his arm over her shoulders when they watched the other side take their shots, and sometimes Lily would reach her hand up to thread her fingers through his. He would lean down to whisper some private commentary in her ear, or just tell her something dirty that he wanted to do to her later, which earned him a glare that didn't match the smile twitching at her lips. Lily would tilt her head up and he would lean down so she could talk directly into his ear, some cheeky joke or comment about the game or, toward the end, something dirty back. And then sometime around their fifth game, they started mentally detaching from the game altogether, and though they were still being challenged, and still winning, they were focused more on each other, maintaining their own nonsensical conversations, barely paying attention to who was on the other end of the table.</p><p>At some point, people gave up, tired of watching the Head Boy and Girl Show, and they proclaimed James and Lily the Goblets Champions For The Night, to which James and Lily made a sweeping bow while holding hands and laughing drunkenly.</p><p>Mary wandered over to them with glasses of water, saying, "Maybe do yourselves a favor with these, yeah?"</p><p>Lily took hers with a teasing, "Yes, Healer Mac," to which Mary teased back, "Do I need to order you two upstairs next, or would you prefer to just keep pawing at each other all night?"</p><p>James choked on his water, but Lily just ignored her and said, "Come on, let's dance."</p><p>The girls took off for the makeshift dance floor, and Mary threw James a wink over her shoulder.</p><p>James joined in a raucous game of cards with a group of their sixth- and seventh-year friends, and time seemed to whiz by in a drunken blur until suddenly, the fire was burning low, Adelaide and Peter were both passed out, heads in their arms, the common room was seeming rather emptier than it had been before, and those that remained in the common room were just sixth and seventh years who were rather drunker than they should have been. Mary and Lily helped Adelaide's sixth-year friend take her up the girls' staircase, while Sirius and James carried Peter back up to theirs, and though Remus and Marlene followed them up the boys' staircase, they didn't follow back down.</p><p>Mary slumped down next to Dahlia on the sofa by the fire, and then Sirius sat next to Mary, swinging his legs up over her and Dahlia's laps as he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and leaned back over the arm of the sofa to light it. Mary swatted him and made a feeble attempt to wrest it away, muttering something about "McGonagall having our heads," but Ludo and Kingsley laughed from where they lounged against various pieces of furniture by the fire, Kingsley reaching up toward Sirius and saying, "Pass that around, man."</p><p>Lily was drinking a glass of water by the drinks table, and James drifted toward her instead of joining the others.</p><p>She gave him a coy smile. "I hoped you might come over here."</p><p>James smiled back, sidling up to her and pulling her into a flirtatious hug. "Anything else you were hoping I'd do?"</p><p>Lily's eyes glittered up at him. "Take me downstairs."</p><p>His heart set a new pace in his stomach as he looked back down at her. "Let's go."</p><p>Sirius's voice called playfully across the common room, "You two want to be just a <em>little</em> more obvious?"</p><p>James flashed him a cheeky grin over his shoulder and shot back, "Probably."</p><p>Lily's eyes opened wider in surprise. "Right—right now? No pretense?"</p><p>"Yeah, right now." He bent down to kiss her cheek and nuzzle around her ear.</p><p>"<em>Stop</em>," she hissed, pulling her head back from him. "They'll <em>see</em>."</p><p>"Like they didn't all see us earlier, along with the rest of the fucking House?"</p><p>She glared up at him through her lashes but had no retort.</p><p>Sirius's voice floated over from the fireplace. "Will you two go jump each other already?"</p><p>James looked back over his shoulder, grinning at the sight of his friends all watching them with varying expressions of amusement.</p><p>"I tried to send them upstairs earlier," Mary added.</p><p>Kingsley arched his brow. "Something we should know, guys?"</p><p>"<em>No</em>," Lily said strongly.</p><p>But James still had his elbow hooked around her neck, and she had looped an arm around his waist as she peered around him at their friends, and he could tell from the looks on their faces that it was none too convincing.</p><p>"Okay, maybe," she corrected.</p><p>"You're all sworn to secrecy," he told them. "Any word of this reaches my ears, I'll know it was one of you five."</p><p>Kingsley chuckled. "No worries man, you do you. I won't tell, not even Dor."</p><p>Mary chided, "You two are busted anyway, that flirty goblets game will be all over the school by breakfast, you watch."</p><p>"Eh, we'll deal with that tomorrow."</p><p>He looked back down at Lily and said quietly. "C'mon, let's go downstairs."</p><p>She bit her lip. "She's right, you know."</p><p>"Yeah, and I don't care. I just want you right now."</p><p>Sirius's voice broke through the curtain of their murmured conversation: "Oi! Get <em>outta</em> here, no one besides us will know you left together."</p><p>James flashed him a grin and a wave, and then steered Lily toward the portrait hole. Once she was outside the common room, the darkness and silence of Gryffindor Landing pressing around them, he felt her relax under his arm.</p><p>"We can trust all of them," he told her quietly.</p><p>"Even <em>Kingsley</em> and <em>Ludo</em>?"</p><p>"Yeah, especially them. They're my mates, I'm their Captain. They'll respect my privacy if I ask it of them."</p><p>"I'm trusting you on that, Potter."</p><p>"Would it really be so bad if people did find out?"</p><p>"We're too drunk to talk about that right now."</p><p>James laughed softly. "Fair. Tomorrow, then, once we're the talk of breakfast."</p><p>Lily made a noncommittal noise, and James focused his attention on his surroundings as they left the safety of the landing.</p><p>Even though he was drunk, he still had enough of his wits about him to check around corners for any signs of Filch or teachers, and he led her quickly to the elf passage entrance on the seventh floor and down to the fifth floor, like a deja vu of their first night at school. Had it really only been a little over a month since then? Since they'd spent their first day together as badges and rowed something horrible? It was hard to wrap his mind around.</p><p>As soon as they were inside the secure walls of their office, he kissed her, picking her up and carrying her straight down the short hallway and to one of the armchairs by the fire, where he sunk down, Lily straddling him in his lap. She was every bit as eager as he was, her hands on his face, in his hair, her legs tight around him. She pulled his shirt over his head as soon as they were in the chair, and he reciprocated with her jumper, dropping it to the floor and then reaching hands up to her face to hold her away from him.</p><p>"What?" Her eyes searched his, glittering in the firelight.</p><p>He pushed her hair over her shoulder, trailed fingers down her arm. "Just admiring."</p><p>She had on a black strapless contraption that held her curves in place, though they spilled ever so slightly over the top with the rise and fall of her chest, her nervous energy's only betrayal. Dropping hands to her waist, James pulled her closer to him, bringing those curves to his mouth so he could kiss and suck on her skin. She cradled his head, gasping into his hair, and his fingers found the clasps on her back, popping them open one by one until he could lift the black lace from her chest and toss it to the floor. His mind still swam with the newness of having explored her naked body, and though he had now lavished attention and buried his face in her breasts on multiple occasions, he was insatiable for them, more perfect than he'd ever imagined them being, and he thought he muttered something to that effect as he massaged her with his tongue, making her wriggle in his lap.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Potter." She tugged at his hair, arched into him. "I've been wanting you all night."</p><p>He smiled against her skin. "Turn you on with my mad goblets skills, did I?"</p><p>Her voice was like a growl deep in her throat. "You have <em>no</em> idea."</p><p>Something about that made him pull his face up, seeking her eyes. "Oh?"</p><p>She was blushing, and bit her lip for a moment before she confessed, "I fantasized about you last year, after we won the Quidditch House Cup. We accidentally hugged, you remember? And then I watched you play goblets, and—I don't know, there was just something about it all. You were the most fucking attractive thing I'd ever <em>seen</em>, and I—"</p><p>She broke off, like she realized she had been talking out loud, but James was already holding his breath, trying to rapidly process what she was telling him.</p><p>"You—you got off to me?"</p><p>Her eyes searched his, suddenly looking fearful, like she thought she'd said too much. James was dumbfounded.</p><p>"You <em>did</em>. Shit, Evans, are you for <em>real</em>? This whole time I thought this was new between us, but you were fucking into me <em>last year</em>?"</p><p>She shook her head. "Not—not <em>into you</em>. Just—<em>fuck</em>, I don't know."</p><p>"Tell me. What you thought about that night. And we'll do it, right now."</p><p>She let out a shaky breath. "But I shouldn't have done that, it was <em>wrong</em>—"</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because I had a <em>boyfriend—</em>"</p><p>Oh yeah. Now her expression made sense. She felt <em>guilty</em>. He had a little bit, too, now that he thought back on how he had watched her that whole night, eerily in tune to her presence after that hug.</p><p>James sighed. "Maybe it was wrong. But what do you <em>really</em> feel guilty about, Evans? Fantasizing about me when you wanted to, or not breaking things off sooner with Eddie? And really, now, what difference does it make?"</p><p>She bit her lip, her brow furrowed.</p><p>James reached up and pushed her hair behind her ears, hovering his mouth near hers.</p><p>"Do you have any idea how often I thought about you when I was with other girls? Fuck, Evans, if Ladie found out how many times I imagined she was you last year, she might <em>actually</em> try to murder you."</p><p>Lily's eyes went wide, her mouth falling slightly open.</p><p>"Does that make me a bad person? I don't know, maybe it does. But I can't help that I've always fancied you, and now I'm finally here <em>with</em> you, and I don't <em>care</em> about whatever happened before that led to this." He paused a moment, then added softly, "And you shouldn't either."</p><p>She dropped her eyes to his chest, playing circles on his skin as she bit her lip, quiet.</p><p>Then, softly, "I couldn't get that hug out of my head. I thought about being the one you wanted to end the night with. Coming up to my room with me."</p><p>James nuzzled her face, dipped his mouth to just under her jaw. "I always want to end the night with you. And we'll do that sometime—go up to your room. What else?"</p><p>"You were on top of me. Just—<em>giving</em> it to me."</p><p>"Fuck yes. What else?"</p><p>She let out a small sigh of pleasure as he sucked on her neck. "I was imagining what you'd feel like inside me when I came"—James groaned low in his throat—"and then you coming with me"—he pulled his face up to hers, cutting her off to kiss her mouth.</p><p>Lily pulled back just a fraction, breathless. "It felt so <em>wrong</em> and so <em>right</em> at the same time."</p><p>"And now?"</p><p>Her eyes were darker than emeralds as they glittered at him. "Right. Only right."</p><p>He was gathering her against him, pushing off of the armchair to lower them to the plush carpet in front of the mantel.</p><p>She giggled. "How many badges do you think have had sloppy drunk sex right here?"</p><p>James chuckled. "We're not drunk enough to be sloppy, Evans." He unbuttoned her jeans, shimmying them down her hips and off her legs. "But probably a fucking lot of them."</p><p>He paused, admiring her. Firelight flickered over her body, illuminating the dips and planes and curves of milky pale skin, only a thin strip of lace interrupting the line of her hip.</p><p>"Evans." His voice caught in his throat. "You're—"</p><p>She shook her head, looking up at him with liquid eyes—"Don't"—and lifted a hand, reaching for him. "Show me."</p><p>How did she keep topping herself in saying heretofore unimaginably sexy things? And had it really only been a few <em>weeks</em> ago that they had been in front of that fireplace for the first time? James' head spun. Everything about her seemed different. Maybe it was a continuation of this Fun Lily he had seen for the first time, or maybe it was this new easiness between them taking over, or maybe they were more drunk than he'd thought. Or maybe it was all of that mixed together. But the energy radiating from Lily was nothing he'd seen from her before, and, as was always the case with her, he rose to meet it.</p><p>It was all a blur after that. Removing trousers. Dragging knickers down with his teeth. Trailing lips and tongue over hip bones and stomach and ribs and nipples and clavicle. Stroking ridges, relishing moans, murmuring drunk nothings. Watching pleasure work across her face, pulling her over the edge with his fingers. Being pushed onto his back, blood-red hair tickling his shoulders, pulse quickening at more of those heretofore unimaginably sexy words: "My turn to show you."</p><p>And then it was a blur of her. Sweeping hair to one side. Trailing lips and tongue over clavicle and nipples and ribs and stomach and hip bones. Stroking length, eliciting moans, murmuring drunk nothings. Lifting eyes to his, emeralds glinting in the firelight. One long lick, from base to tip. Pleasure flooding. Tongue swirling, fleeting, disappearing. Sliding. Clenching. Breath fleeing, hips lifting, hands squeezing, lips crushing. Watching pleasure work across her face a second time as she pulled herself over the edge while astride him. Deja vu. Her tipped head, her tumbling hair. All that was missing was an enchanted night sky. Flipping her over. Deja vu again. Same carpet, same firelight, same mantel, same girl underneath him. Thrusting into lingering spasms. Nails in his back, whimpers in his ear, legs tight around his waist. Blood rushing, pressure cracking. Hands pulling at his face. Meeting glinting emerald eyes, seeing swollen pink lips move. Words floating toward him: <em>Let me watch you</em>. Face scrunching, pressure breaking, cry escaping, head swimming.</p><p>Silence. Crackling. Breathing. Nails soft on his scalp. Fingertips soft on his shoulders. Lips soft on his cheek. Voice soft in his ear: "James." Sleep tugging. Consciousness fighting. Bodies separating, then rejoining, hair soft on his chest, arm heavy on his stomach. Submerging.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>"James."</p><p>His consciousness stirred.</p><p>"James."</p><p>That soft voice sounded familiar. Lips pressed lightly on his forehead, on his cheek. Those felt familiar, too.</p><p>"I really knocked you out last night, didn't I?"</p><p>Lily. He cracked an eye open, finding her face hovering near his, green eyes twinkling to match her smirk. His eyelid gave up, and he heard her chuckle.</p><p>"I'll take that as a yes."</p><p>Her fingers pushed the hair off his forehead, then ran through it lazily, like she just wanted to feel the strands between her fingers.</p><p>He decided to test his voice. "I've never"—he cleared his throat—"came so hard in my <em>life</em>, Evans."</p><p>She chuckled again, kept stroking his hair. "We were also a little more drunk than I thought. My head was pretty damn sore this morning."</p><p>"Mmph."</p><p>"Do you…remember it all last night?"</p><p>He thought it over in his mind, eyes still closed but feeling thoroughly awake now. "Yeah, I remember. I mean, it's kind of all a blur, but I remember what happened.</p><p>"Do you remember telling me you wanted me to blow you for the rest of your life?"</p><p>He grinned. "No, but I affirm that statement."</p><p>Lily chuckled, and he tried cracking open his eyes again. "Evans, that's high praise, considering that part only lasted a few seconds."</p><p>She ruffled his hair. "I'm not sure it's gonna last any longer when I stay down there for real, either."</p><p>"Touché."</p><p>She set a small stoppered bottle next to his head. "Headache Elixir. I keep a stash in my desk for studying, but it works wonders on a hangover, too."</p><p>He vaguely took in that she was fully dressed, and that he was not, and that he had a very cozy blanket over him he hadn't remembered being around the night before.</p><p>"Is this how you're acting like a human already?"</p><p>Lily chuckled as she played with his hair. "Yes. I need to go shower and change, I still have to finish Potions today, and then in Runes we have a <em>massive</em> translation due Tuesday, so we're all going to work on it together this afternoon, but I feel like it's still going to take <em>hours</em>."</p><p>She sighed, then sat up a little straighter as she looked at the clock on the wall. "Don't you usually have practice on Sundays?"</p><p>Shit. Yes, he did. With a groan, he slowly sat up, reaching for the bottle of wondrous Headache Elixir she had miraculously procured, and Lily chuckled as he chugged it in one gulp. The effects were almost instantaneous, and he smiled as he looked at her sans pounding head and bleary eyes.</p><p>"Didn't we talk about you getting off to me after watching me play?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, flushing, as she pushed herself up to standing. "A conversation best left to Drunk Lily."</p><p>James chuckled. "Oh no, we'll be repeating that conversation sober, in detail."</p><p>Lily tossed her hair and gave him a playful look over her shoulder, but only said, "I'll see you later, Potter," and then she was gone.</p><p>James rubbed his eyes and started the process of getting dressed. He hadn't overslept practice, but he was cutting it close, giving himself less than an hour to change, eat something, and get down to the pitch.</p><p>It happened as he was picking up the pillow on the ground: a flash of memory, of Lily's head resting on that pillow, her blood-red hair fanning around her, firelight flickering over her face. Of thrusting into her, of having her breasts pressed against his chest, of her clenching around him as her climax still lingered, of feeling such overwhelming <em>awe</em> of her beauty, of the fact that this was <em>happening</em>, that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Of saying—fuck.</p><p>Shit fuck.</p><p>Fuck fuck <em>fuck</em>.</p><p>He had said it. It had slipped out. And he hadn't even noticed. Almost didn't remember.</p><p>…Did she?</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Rumors that the Head Boy and Girl were something more than just strictly professional had reached every corner of the castle by lunch, and to her surprise, Lily didn't much mind.</p><p>Probably because she was still too hung up on how James had said he was in love with her, though she was next-to-positive he didn't remember telling her that. Admittedly, some parts of the night before were hazy for her too, and her tongue had been rather looser than Sober Lily's would have been, especially regarding <em>that</em> conversation of admitting to him she had gotten off to him before. But this moment, she could remember clearly as if it had just happened. James on top of her, a deja vu of their first time but different, better, because they were more used to each other now. His body warm against hers, his eyes like liquid pools in the flickering firelight, his thrusts getting more uneven as he got closer. Those words in her neck: <em>Fuck, Lily. You're so fucking beautiful—I just—fuck, I'm so in love with you—Lil—baby, fuck—Lily</em>.</p><p>She'd suspected, of course. She'd wondered, ever since he'd seemed like he'd caught himself from saying something by the lake, and then even more ever since Dahlia had said it after Snare. Still—nothing had prepared her for hearing those words in his voice. And she'd grabbed his face and watched him come and, like practically every time she looked at him these days, she'd just adored him. In a way, it was good he had said it then—drunk, in the heat of the moment—because she didn't think she could say it back just yet.</p><p>But she…<em>wanted</em> to. Be able to say it back. She knew she was falling for him, falling fast and falling hard. And maybe that was spiraling ever to closer to actually…falling in love? It was wild, <em>crazy</em>, it made <em>no sense</em>. She'd been in various states of annoyance, dislike, and downright hatred with it came to James Potter for <em>six years</em>. And now, not even two months into school, she was falling in <em>love</em> with him? It was overwhelming and confusing and strange, and if it weren't for the fact that she was so adept at Potions and their effects, she might have wondered if she'd been slipped some Amortentia. Because when she was with him, around him, everything somehow just felt <em>lighter</em>. Better. Happier. Drunk Lily had spoken the truth: what before had felt partly wrong now felt only right. She wasn't sure she had ever been so <em>in the moment</em> with another person like she was with James. When she was with him, it was like she rose to meet his energy. She was bolder in the heat of the moment, she voiced feelings she would not have otherwise shared, she kept doing things she'd never done without thinking twice. And when she thought about it all, tried to rationalize it, analyze it, process it—she couldn't. Nothing about it made any <em>sense</em>.</p><p>It was a miracle she managed to finish her Potions essay, what with all of the thoughts of James swirling around in her head, and then it was an ever further miracle that she managed to set those thoughts aside to work through the long and brutal translation they had been assigned in Runes. It was arduous. Painstaking. <em>Draining</em>. If it wasn't for the fact that her syllabary was her sole lifeline to ultimately sanity, she might have chucked it straight through the window. They all ate a quick dinner together at the end of the Ravenclaw table and then went straight back to the library to continue trudging through. It was another couple of hours until they finally set their quills down, all rather bleary-eyed, and stared at the completed work.</p><p>Edgar shook his head, his face wearing that dazed expression Lily recognized as when he had reached the end of his ability to focus for the night. "That was brutal."</p><p>Garrytt let out a long breath. "It's only <em>October</em>. If this is how this class is going to go…"</p><p>"We're fucked," Aiko finished for him, her eyes looking bloodshot.</p><p>Pandora smiled. "Well, at least we have each other."</p><p>Lily nodded her agreement, messing with the top knot on her head that was threatening to fall apart at any moment. "For better or for Runes, guys."</p><p>They all chuckled deliriously and set to packing up, and Lily wasn't surprised when Garrytt didn't follow Aiko and Pandora back towards Ravenclaw Tower but instead kept on with her and Edgar. This had become sort of their routine ever since Garrytt had guessed that Lily's earlier attack had not been an accident in potion making but had in fact been a malicious assault by the Slytherins. In a sort of unspoken agreement, Garrytt would always walk with her and Edgar, and then after Edgar turned off at the staircases to go the opposite direction, Garrytt would walk her back to the portrait hole.</p><p>"So I gather you're quite the talk of the school today," he said casually.</p><p>Lily's stomach fluttered, but she rolled her eyes, waving her hand airily as she said, "I haven't really heard what's all being said since I've been studying all day, but I can only guess it's people freaking out about a fucking <em>goblets</em> tournament."</p><p>Garrytt chuckled. "Well, then they got the goblets part right."</p><p>Lily looked over at him curiously. "Since when do <em>you</em> listen to school gossip, Gare?"</p><p>He shrugged. "I heard an earful at lunch, that's all. There's a sixth year that's really into Potter, she was interrogating Dorcas."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't even want to know."</p><p>"You guys seem to be getting along," he observed. "It's honestly a little weird, I think we're all used to seeing you hate each other."</p><p>"Yeah, well," Lily said lightly, "I suppose its easier to get along with someone once they've</p><p>held your hair for you and then helped you pull literal guts out of said hair."</p><p>Garrytt stopped walking a moment and looked down at her with wide eyes. "He—did that?"</p><p>Lily bit her lip and nodded, saying, "Yeah, he did. I was in a pretty bad state that night the attack happened. I started throwing up, just from all the shock I think, and he…held my hair. And then must have seen what else the Slytherins dumped in my hair while he did, because then he helped me get it all out so I wouldn't have to look at it."</p><p>Garrytt had a pained expression on his face. "I'm sorry you went through that, Lily."</p><p>She gave him a small smile. "Thank you. I am too. Just comes with being Muggle-born these days, unfortunately"—Lily reached up and gave his arm a squeeze—"but I'm really lucky to have friends who look out for me."</p><p>Garrytt's eyes shifted between hers for a moment, and then before Lily could realize what was happening, Garrytt kissed her, one hand suddenly holding her waist while the other one slid around her neck, and it was suddenly so <em>familiar</em>, just like those fifth-year kisses she remembered, but now instead of feeling all those fluttery feelings she'd felt before, it all felt <em>wrong</em>. She had been so taken by surprise she'd sort of kissed him back a bit, like a reflex, but as his tongue swiped over her lip she recoiled, snapping back to her senses and pushing against his chest as she broke away from his mouth.</p><p>"Gare, I—I'm sorry, I don't—"</p><p>"No," he said softly. "<em>I'm</em> sorry, I—I misread—overstepped."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard, nodding. "It's okay. I mean, I'm not—" She paused, took a breath. "I meant what I said before, about only wanting to be friends. I—you're a great guy, Gare, and I'm glad we're friends, I really am, I just—I don't have those kinds of feelings for you anymore."</p><p>He nodded slowly, taking a step back from her. "Okay."</p><p>They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, and then Lily said, "I'll just—the Landing's not far, you don't have to—"</p><p>He took her hint and said quietly, "Yeah, I'll see you in class tomorrow."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>She turned and headed straight for the common room, not looking back at him, her mind racing. Garrytt had just <em>kissed</em> her? <em>Why?</em> Had he really been liking her like that this whole time? Had she given off signals she hadn't meant to give?</p><p>When she got in the common room, she immediately spotted Marlene having a frantic, whispered conversation with Adelaide and rolled her eyes. She knew Marlene and Adelaide were friends from childhood, had known each other long before Hogwarts, and Marlene had always had a soft spot for Adelaide whereas Lily couldn't stand her. She was most definitely not in the mood to insert herself into <em>that</em> conversation. With a quick sweep, she saw Remus and Sirius having their own serious-looking conversation, Peter waiting idly at the chess board, Mary and Dahlia working on homework, and no James to be had.</p><p>It was just as well; she was knackered and could use an early night to catch up on some sleep before the week ahead. These days, it seemed just about anything could happen.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James's world came to a screeching halt at 8:37 p.m. on Sunday evening. The earth might have tilted on its axis and caused a shockwave of epic proportions, and he might not have felt it as deeply as he felt the earth move beneath his feet just then as he stood in the doorway to the boys' lavatory and heard Sirius say, "Selwyn saw Evans snogging Ollivander."</p><p>No. There was no way. <em>What?</em> After last night? After <em>Friday</em> night?</p><p>"Ladie <em>lies</em>—"</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "Shack saw it too. They were walking back from hanging out with Meadowes."</p><p>"But—"</p><p>Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. "Mate, people are already talking about it. I came up here to intercept you. Moony overheard Selwyn telling Marly, but Moony told me that Marly doesn't know you guys are sort of…having a thing. Like, more than just being flirty at goblets. He hasn't told her and I guess Lily hasn't either."</p><p>James's mind raced to keep up. "Was it like—"</p><p>Sirius quirked a brow. "You really want to torture yourself?"</p><p>No, but he had to know. "Tell me, Pads."</p><p>Sirius sighed. "Ladie said it looked like a make-out."</p><p>James's stomach twisted. He couldn't even think—couldn't <em>comprehend</em>—that she would do that. Had she been playing him this whole time? Had she been seeing Ollivander all along too? He supposed they hadn't defined anything, not officially, but everything about The Conversation had led him to think they were doing this <em>thing</em>, this <em>Plan</em>, exclusively. That she didn't like Ollivander like that.</p><p>And then the next punch to the gut: the realization that she didn't feel as strongly about him as he did for her, because if she did, then how could she make out with <em>Ollivander</em>?</p><p>His mind raced with a new, even worse thought. Was the Plan <em>over</em> to her? The goal of the Plan had been to get her on a date. And she had made the night of their detention their date. He had thought he sensed more meaning behind that—like a promise of wanting that to be their memory, the story of their <em>first</em> date because there would be <em>more</em> dates. But maybe he had been wrong. He swallowed hard; he had made the only term of their Plan that she had to be honest with him. Maybe the truth was that she didn't want to date him like that. Maybe it was just about the sex for her.</p><p>Maybe she just hadn't told him yet.</p><p>Sirius was squeezing his shoulder, trying to get his attention. "<em>Prongs</em>. Maybe just…stay up here the rest of the night, yeah? Let this blow over downstairs, see what happens tomorrow."</p><p>James nodded, feeling slightly sick.</p><p>"Come on, I'll keep you company."</p><p>Sirius didn't say anything else for awhile; it was a testament to how well they knew each other, how deep their bond ran, that Sirius didn't need James to say anything to know James was devastated, and James didn't need Sirius to say anything to know that Sirius was there for him. They sat next each other on the stone ledge, leaning against opposite ends, the window cracked between them as they passed a cigarette in silence. James normally only smoked when he drank or when he and Sirius lazed around the roof of Stinchcombe Park in the summer, but he figured this was a special occasion.</p><p>He had told Lily Evans he was in love with her (albeit, while quite drunk, and when it was unclear whether she noticed or even remembered he did), and she had turned right around and made out with another bloke. Sirius had always said she was hot and cold, and he had never given it much thought because he had been so used to being on the receiving end of the "cold" side. But now that he'd finally had a taste of receiving her warmth, her kindness, it made this return to cold all the harder to bear.</p><p>Sleep evaded him until the early hours, and when he woke up Monday morning, he wasn't sure he felt much different than he had the night before. Maybe colder. (Emotionally and physically—autumn was definitely creeping in now they were getting further into October.) He knew he wouldn't be able to bear the sight of her, not yet, and so after deflecting Sirius and Remus's attempts to talk about it as they got ready that morning, he put on his best James Potter charm, dusted off the old book of Project Get Over Evans tactics, and employed the first and most useful one: ignoring.</p><p>He ignored her at breakfast, sitting on the same side of the bench as far away from her as he could possibly get. He ignored her on the walk down to the dungeons, setting off ahead with Peter and initiating a conversation about how they could prank Filch without it being linked back to him. He ignored her in class, though this wasn't that hard, as it was a lecture day and he could tilt his body so he didn't see her and Sirius scribbling notes to each other every time he looked up at Slughorn. Dahlia passed him a note: <em>I heard. You okay?</em> He hesitated only a moment, then wrote back, <em>No</em>. Dahlia immediately replied, <em>Don't give up</em>.</p><p>Well. It's not like he wanted to. But he was having a bit of trouble not seeing red at the moment, considering that Garrytt Ollivander was in the same bloody room as them all day.</p><p>He ignored her at lunch, sitting with Kingsley and Ludo to talk Quidditch, and then he ignored her on the walk to Defense, serendipitously falling into a conversation with Edgar, of all people, also about Quidditch, as the Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match was that upcoming Saturday. Though there was plenty of rivalry between their two houses, he and Edgar had always had a civil captain relationship, and it wasn't hard for them to reach an agreement on splitting pitch time leading up to Saturday's match.</p><p>Minutes later, the seventh years crowded around Dearborn's blue-flamed circle, looking eagerly at the bowl in the center as a piece of parchment shot into the air. Dearborn caught it and read, "Mr. Mulciber, if you please."</p><p>Standing with his arms crossed, James watched Mulciber walk smugly into the ring, smirking as the other Slytherins thumped him on the back. Mulciber was <em>big</em>, there was no denying it, and he was ruthless to boot. Taller than Sirius and James, and nearly twice as wide, Mulciber made up for in muscle what he lacked completely in brains. James fleetingly wondered how Mulciber had even made it into this class, but then the second piece of parchment shot out of the bowl.</p><p>"Miss Fleur-Peri," Dearborn said softly.</p><p>James's heart skipped a beat as he looked immediately over at Dahlia, but she winked at him as she passed into the circle, ignoring the taunts and hisses of the Slytherins.</p><p>Sirius sidled up next to him and said quietly in his ear, "I don't have a good feeling about this, mate."</p><p>James smiled softly and tilted his head toward Sirius. "Then you don't know Dahlia."</p><p>She was literally a third of Mulciber's size, looking almost like a dwarf across from him in her simple pinafore dress with her peter pan collar, an impish smile on her delicate face as she bowed toward Mulciber. She put on dainty airs, but James knew there was a fierceness to her, and he suspected the rest of the class was about to see it.</p><p>Opposite him, on the outside of the circle, James saw Dearborn watching intently, no doubt wondering how this match-up would play out. Smiling to himself, James joined in with the crowd, shouting, "Show him how it's done, Dahl."</p><p>James heard a whistle from the Slytherin side as they now started paying attention to him, shouting, "You ready to watch your girlfriend lose, Potter?" "You're gonna have to put her back together if you want to take her on a date."</p><p>James ignored them, their voices like distant background noise, as he watched Dahlia and Mulciber circle each other. Mulciber threw occasional curses at her, which she parried with ease, her eyes twinkling. She didn't move offensively, just circled and parried, and James got the impression she was waiting for something.</p><p>Then, finally, it seemed she had gotten what she wanted. Mulciber was so worked up from the taunts of his friends ("Finish her, Mulce!" "She's just standing there, what's wrong with you?"), that he lunged, hurling a barrage of spells at her as he advanced toward her, but Dahlia was quicker on her feet and she whirled around him, suddenly trapping him in the middle. From the perimeter, she threw spell after spell at him, Mulciber too slow in his movements to catch her. She was like an insect fluttering around him that he desperately wanted to catch, but he didn't have the coordination. Finally having an opening, Dahlia shot a full body-bind curse on him, and James cheered with his friends as Dahlia smiled, shaking out her short blond hair and wiping the sweat from her brow, Mulciber falling like a stone at her feet.</p><p>Dearborn came into the circle and unbound Mulciber, who clambered up awkwardly, his face a disturbing shade of purple as he glared at Dahlia, who merely simpered back at him.</p><p>"We have a winner," Dearborn said in his quiet voice, and a hush immediately fell over the students. "Let's analyze what made Miss Fleur-Peri successful. Mr. Mulciber is clearly at the advantage for size and strength, while Miss Fleur-Peri has the advantage of stealth and speed. When your opponent has such starkly opposite advantages to you, you must be able to use your own in such a way that debilitates the other—and you must beat them to it."</p><p>James saw Mulciber's jaw working as Dearborn talked.</p><p>"Miss Fleur-Peri did this. Had Mr. Mulciber stayed on his end of the circle, she would have stood less of a chance, as she would have been forced to go up directly against brute force. She needed to be able to use her speed and her stealth to attack him from a different direction, which she was able to do by drawing him out."</p><p>James grinned at her as Dearborn continued, going into the advantages of body binds in a duel. When he was done, he took a few questions from students about some of the curses used during the duel, and then dismissed the class, turning back toward the front of the room as the students milled about, having reached the end of their school day.</p><p>Sensing movement out of the corner of his eye, James turned to see Mulciber pulling away from his group of Slytherin friends, his wand outstretched.</p><p>"Hey!" James shouted, but it was too late, and he saw it as if in slow motion: Mulciber's jinx hit Dahlia square in the back, sending her spinning into the air like a cyclone before crashing face-down on the floor.</p><p>James rushed to her, only vaguely hearing the thunderous voice of Dearborn punishing Mulciber in the background. Turning her over onto her back, he saw her nose was broken and blood streamed from nostrils over her mouth. He pressed his fingers under her jaw, felt her pulse steady, and then her eyes fluttered open at him as she winced.</p><p>"Shh," he whispered. "I've got you."</p><p>Dearborn crouched down on the other side of Dahlia, mimicking James as he checked for her pulse and took in her bloody face, his own expression grim. "She needs the Hospital Wing."</p><p>"I'll take her, sir." James saw Dearborn nod at him, and then he bent his head down to Dahlia's face. "Can you grab onto me?"</p><p>She nodded weakly, her eyes closed, and reached her arms up toward James. He guided her hands around his neck, tucking her head into his shoulder, and scooped her up, her body light in his arms.</p><p>The Slytherins stood off to the side, cat-calling him as he turned towards the door. ("Told you we'd break your girlfriend, Potter!" "She fights dirty, does she fuck that way, too?") James felt his blood boil, white-hot rage spreading through him, but he forced himself to shove it down as he walked past his friends, seeing Remus and Peter working hard to restrain Sirius as they continued to call insults after Dahlia.</p><p>"I'll meet up later," he muttered to them, and then he was out of the classroom, on his way to the Hospital Wing.</p><p>Madame Pomfrey patched Dahlia's nose up in no time, but warned her that she would likely still be bruised and sore for a few days, having had a nastily forceful impact with the stone floor. James sat on the edge of her hospital bed as Dahlia sagged against the pillows and Madame Pomfrey tottered off to the back for some Awakening Potion and Blood Replenishing Potion.</p><p>James shook his head. "That fall was nasty, Dahl."</p><p>Dahlia frowned. "Tell me, James. How bad it looked."</p><p>James sighed, running a hand through his hair, and told her what he had seen happen. "When I turned you over, I thought you were out cold," he said, seeing her wince. Chucking her under her chin, he added, "Looked a bit like a vampire, all that blood running down your face."</p><p>She chuckled at that, then reached out a hand to his arm. "Thank you. For helping me."</p><p>"You don't have to thank me, Dahl."</p><p>"I know, but—I'm just—I feel so lucky to have you as my friend." Her voice was quiet, warm, as she smiled at him.</p><p>He was lucky—beyond lucky—to have her as his friend too, though the words were a little hard to form just then. So instead, he lifted his hands to her face, brushing the hair back from her eyes, and then kissed her forehead gently.</p><p>A throat cleared behind him, and he heard Sirius say, "So not to, you know, ruin such a tender, ah, moment."</p><p>James rolled his eyes as he pulled back and turned to Sirius, opening his mouth to say something snappy, but then he froze, seeing that it wasn't just Sirius—it was all of their friends standing in the doorway, and beside Sirius was Lily, her face oddly blank as she stared at him before she turned and left.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>She hated him. <em>Hated</em> him. Ha-ted him. He was just—<em>ugh</em>.</p><p>Lily paced around their dorm, the tears welling behind her eyes even as her temper flared. He was <em>insufferable</em>. How the <em>hell</em> did he go from telling her he was <em>in love with her</em> to ignoring her so hard she nearly doubted her own existence? And if he was upset about Garrytt kissing her, then why didn't he just <em>talk</em> to her about it? And what the <em>fuck</em> was he doing with that bloody <em>forehead</em> kiss?</p><p>Lily sank onto the edge of the bed, rubbing her temples as she tried to calm herself down. Think rationally. James ignoring her because he was being jealous and stubborn, she could deal with. But James kissing Dahlia on the forehead like that had opened the whole wound from Snare afresh in ways that had taken her by surprise. She thought she had shoved all of this—this <em>jealousy</em>, this <em>hurt</em>—in that deep dark place where she could keep things under lock and key, never to think about, but now it all had burst out and felt, once again, out of her control.</p><p>She heard the creak of the door and immediately stiffened, swearing to Merlin that if this was going to be Dahlia finding her crying <em>again</em>—</p><p>"Lil, are you alright?"</p><p>She breathed a deep sigh of relief. <em>Marlene</em>.</p><p>"I don't know, Marly."</p><p>Marlene sat next to her, put a hand gently on Lily's back. "Is this…about…James?"</p><p>Was it <em>ever</em>. Before Lily could second-guess herself, she poured out the story, spilling all her feelings to Marlene, who listened to Lily with a growing smile on her face.</p><p>"Oh, <em>Lil</em>." Marlene reached for Lily's hand, squeezing it in both of hers. "You're both <em>mad</em> about each other. Who <em>cares</em> what he's done in the past, or what you've done, or what happened in Snare. I think he'd get down on one knee and propose right now if he thought you'd say yes."</p><p>Lily chuckled through her tears but then shook her head. "It's not that simple, Marly. I wish it were, but I just can't get over it—and don't look at me like that, you've been with the same bloke since we started <em>liking</em> boys, you've never had to deal with this."</p><p>Marlene's brow knotted and she looked down at their clasped hands. "I suppose you're right, I've never really felt jealous over Remus before. He's just always been…mine."</p><p>They were quiet for a moment, and then Marlene looked at Lily thoughtfully. "Would that be enough? For you?"</p><p>Lily frowned. "I don't follow."</p><p>"To know that James is yours. Would that be enough, to get past all this you're feeling?"</p><p>Lily sighed, considering. "I don't know, Marly. That's just it. I try to not let it bother me, and I don't really even now why it <em>is</em> bothering me, and I think I'm over it, and then something like <em>today</em> happens, and it all comes crashing down again. So I don't know <em>what</em> would make that stop."</p><p>Marlene's voice sounded hesitant, like she was tentative to go in this direction, but then she prodded, "Do you think…he…maybe feels the same? Over hearing about Garrytt?"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "It's <em>not</em> the same. He didn't <em>see</em> me kiss Garrytt. Plus, I pushed Garrytt away, it's not like I <em>wanted</em> him to."</p><p>Marlene bit her lip. "Lily…I believe you that that's what really happened, but—that's not what people are…saying."</p><p>Lily's eyes went wide. She'd been so busy with class, so distracted by James ignoring her and acting so cold all day, that she hadn't paid a lick of attention to what rumors might be floating around the school. "What do you mean? What's going around?"</p><p>Marlene looked apologetic as she said, "People are talking about it like it was a make-out. I think because you guys had gotten drinks together at Hogsmeade, people heard <em>snog</em> and instantly went to—you know, full-on macking."</p><p>Lily just stared, her brain catching up. "So he probably heard…"</p><p>"Not the truth. Yeah."</p><p>Lily sighed. "But I still saw…"</p><p>Marlene squeezed her hand. "Someone special to him in a different way. He can still care about her, as his <em>friend</em>, as someone he spent part of his life with and went through shit with—and he can still want to <em>be</em> with you—<em>only</em> you."</p><p>Lily felt her lip wobbling and sucked in a deep breath, trying to hold it back, but Marlene let go of her hand and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into a hug, and Lily let the tears work their way out as Marlene rubbed her back.</p><p>"Lil. Go <em>talk</em> to him. <em>Really</em> talk. I <em>know</em> he cares about you, it's all over his face. He's liked you for <em>ages</em>, and lately, he's looked like the happiest bloke <em>alive</em>."</p><p>Lily sniffed, swallowing hard.</p><p>"And <em>you</em>." Marlene's voice sounded teasing, playful. "You, Lily Evans, look more besotted than I've ever seen you in my whole <em>life</em>. And here I thought maybe you were just starting to get a crush, but now that I know you've been having steamy sex in that secret office of yours, it all makes a lot more sense."</p><p>Lily giggled despite herself and pulled back from Marlene, wiping her nose on her sleeve.</p><p>"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she said earnestly. "It all just started happening so fast, and I didn't want it to be weird, or get out, and I just—I wanted to keep it to myself for awhile, and—"</p><p>"Shh." Marlene's eyes were soft. "I understand, Lily, really."</p><p>Lily blinked at her. "You do?"</p><p>Marlene nodded. "Of course. Early stages are tricky, and you two are like, the faces of the school."</p><p>Lily let out a hollow laugh. "You're telling me."</p><p>"<em>But</em>"—Marlene's eyes glittered—"now that I <em>do</em> know, I can give you <em>all</em> the advice on getting your dream boy—"</p><p>"He's not—"</p><p>Marlene's eyebrow lifted. "Isn't he?" Her mouth formed a wicked smile. "Need I remind you of that other <em>unforgettable thing</em>? I mean, we've already established he's still head over heels for you, and you've already <em>shagged that</em>, so now all that's left is—"</p><p>"<em>Marly</em>—"</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>." Her friend smiled knowingly. "Tell me one reason he's not your dream boy. Just one."</p><p>She opened her mouth and then closed it, pursing her lips as her mind raced over everything she'd found herself liking, found herself attracted to, in him over the past month.</p><p>Marlene patted her on the back. "That's what I thought. Now chin up, Lil, you have a dream boy to talk to."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Except James didn't give her a chance to. He wasn't around Monday night, and then on Tuesday he was, again, surrounded (rather intentionally, it seemed) by other friends, absorbed in talking about other things. And what perhaps irked her the most was seeing just how much he reminded her of sixth-year James. Because he didn't look broody, or upset, or out-of-sorts—just the opposite. He was as James as ever, all rolled-sleeves and charming smile and bright laugh, and she was suddenly hyper-attuned to him as he James'd all around her yet somehow managed to ignore her so thoroughly she almost wondered if she'd somehow Disillusioned herself without realizing it.</p><p>It was torture like Lily had never endured. She didn't turn around all Transfiguration, though she heard his voice, his laugh, so <em>normal</em> behind her as he joked with Sirius. And then, before Charms, Garrytt made small talk with her in the corridor as they waited for a classroom to clear, and Lily's anxiety spiked, not missing Marlene's arched brow just on Garrytt's other side, but James gave no sign of noticing as he stood only a few paces away, talking Quidditch with Mary, Sirius, and Aiko, who was smiling up at him looking far too interested in what he was saying. Lily's insides churned as she watched him out of stolen glances, leaning casually against the wall, hands on the strap of his bag, hair mussed, easy grin on his face.</p><p>And then Charms was the worst, because that classroom had that wonky configuration with desks facing each other across a center aisle, and James sat directly opposite her in the first row. She heard his voice bantering with Sirius and Remus and Peter. She saw him reach down into his book bag, head turned to laugh at something Remus had said, the faintest of dimples visible above that jaw she'd gotten quite used to kissing. She watched him flick through pages with deft fingers, trying not to think about the other deft things those fingers had done. She observed him leaning back in his chair, half-tilted toward the front, forearm resting on the desk, quill poised. She drank in the sight of his shoulders, his chest, now knowing how it felt to be held against him, <em>cuddled</em> against him. She saw, out of the corner of her eye, his quill scratching over his parchment, not even looking at Flitwick's blackboard, and she immediately thought back to those Bubble-Head Charm notes that he had let her borrow at the start of term. She wondered what he was doodling now.</p><p>They didn't make eye contact once. Really, if she wasn't so ticked off, she would have been incredibly impressed by his resolve. Truly, she'd never thought (and this was a rather uncomfortably arrogant thought to think) that he would have—<em>could</em> have—had the discipline to not pay attention to her.</p><p>Ancient Runes that afternoon gave her some space to breathe out of his presence, though the closer presence of Garrytt, the assumed root of James's whole mood, still kept her feeling on edge. And after yet another uncomfortable meal of noticing their friends' confused glances between her and James (who was still giving no indication that anything was wrong other than resolutely sitting as far away from her as possible) she had reached her breaking point.</p><p>In the theme of doing things she'd never done relating to James Potter—the blasted, charming, perfect, sexy, insufferable <em>prat</em>—she skipped her Ancient Runes study group that evening, and instead set out to get answers.</p><p>Thankfully, Remus Lupin was exactly where she'd expected him to be, and Lily sidled up to him and Marlene where they were studying with Dahlia and Peter in the common room and asked, "Reme, think I could talk to you? About some—prefect stuff?"</p><p>He looked surprised for only a moment, and then he got up and followed her out the portrait hole. Once the Fat Lady had swung shut, he said playfully, "Prefect stuff, huh?"</p><p>"Shut it."</p><p>"Or maybe more specifically, <em>Head Boy</em> stuff?"</p><p>Lily cast a glare at him and he chuckled but didn't say anything else as she led him down the seventh floor corridor and to that empty classroom where her and James had gone after their Astronomy Tower mission.</p><p>Remus smirked at her as she shut the door behind them. "So James <em>has</em> brought you here."</p><p>She arched a brow. "Or maybe I already knew about it."</p><p>Remus just grinned knowingly.</p><p>"Ugh, fine, yes," she huffed. "He's…brought me here before. And I need to talk to you about him."</p><p>Remus inclined his head.</p><p>Lily crossed her arms. "He's acting like a petulant child."</p><p>Remus sighed. "He's hurt."</p><p>"<em>He's</em> hurt? Reme, I watched him <em>make out</em> with his ex-girlfriend in that<em> stupid</em> game and never made a big deal about it, and now some bloke tries to kiss me and he's—he's—"</p><p>Remus gave her a sad smile. "Acting like a petulant child? Look, Lily, we both know James has a lot of great qualities, it's why he's my best friend and it's why you like him. And yeah, he's deflated his head since we were younger, but he's still spoiled, and he's still used to being the best and getting everything he wants, and he still <em>really</em> doesn't react well to having hurt feelings. And I can say all that because he's my best friend and I still love him anyway."</p><p>"But—but we've been—you know—going in the right direction."</p><p>Remus chuckled. "Did I skip the part where he's incredibly territorial and loyal almost to a fault?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Garrytt kissed <em>me</em>, I didn't <em>expect</em> it, I didn't <em>want</em> it—"</p><p>Remus cut over her gently. "I <em>believe </em>you. But James isn't rational when it comes to you. It's not just about you being something he wants, maybe it was when we were, like, fourteen, but it's more than that now. He's <em>in this</em>, Lily. You could break his heart right now if you wanted. So is he overreacting? Yes, completely. But is he doing it out self-preservation? Because he's terrified of what it would mean if the rumors are true? Yeah, I think he is."</p><p>Lily fell quiet at that.</p><p>Remus looked at her thoughtfully. "And if the Dahlia thing bothers you, you should just talk to him about it."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "That's what your girlfriend said, too."</p><p>He chuckled softly. "Yeah, because we can both see how much you like each other." He shook his head, adding, "James cares about Dahlia, but it's not the same—"</p><p>"So I keep hearing," Lily grumbled.</p><p>Remus gave her a pointed look. "Because it's <em>true</em>. Are you going to tell me you don't still care about Eddie as a person, a friend? You wouldn't rush to help him if he needed it?"</p><p>"Of <em>course</em> I do, I <em>would</em>—"</p><p>"Then what's the difference?"</p><p>"I wouldn't go kiss his bloody <em>forehead</em>—"</p><p>Remus looked at her curiously. "Would you care if he kissed Mac's forehead? Marly's?"</p><p>"No, of <em>course</em> not—"</p><p>"Just Dahlia?"</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>—"</p><p>"Because they've shagged?"</p><p>Lily opened and closed her mouth. Remus was waiting for her answer, though she was sure the blush creeping up around her neck was answer enough.</p><p>Her voice felt thick. "Because—because they still <em>could</em>. If they wanted. They just have this…connection. Still."</p><p>Remus nodded slowly, speaking like he was choosing his words carefully. "They really…helped each other, I think. James is a better person now than he was before they got started. And Dahlia seems…happier. Healthier. He'll always care about her, Lily. That's who he <em>is</em>."</p><p>Lily felt exasperated. "I <em>know</em> he does, and I <em>know</em> they're close friends, that doesn't <em>bother</em> me—"</p><p>"I know," Remus interjected, "what bothers you is that you feel insecure."</p><p>Lily gaped at him, spluttering, "I don't—that's not—"</p><p>Remus gave her a pointed look. "Isn't it? Lily, you <em>know</em> as well as I do that James and Dahlia don't <em>want</em> to do anything with each other anymore. James is mad about you, and they're past that now. They really are just friends. So if seeing them turn it up just to get out of Snare is bothering you, it's because you're insecure about something."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard. Damn Remus and his <em>reason</em>.</p><p>His eyes twinkled at her. "And I'm guessing that something is sex."</p><p>Lily flushed and ran a hand through her hair, not meeting his eye as she grumbled, "I can't <em>believe</em> we're talking about this."</p><p>Remus's voice was soft. "Lily, we don't have to, if you don't want. But I did walk in on you and Lane, and I also walked in on James with Ladie last year, so it's not weird for me. If you did want to talk about it."</p><p>Lily pursed her lips as she looked at him. Strangely, both with Mary and Marlene, she had avoided talking about sex with James too much. She'd told them it had happened, and she'd told them it was incredible, but she hadn't talked about it beyond that. She couldn't explain why. But now, whether because Remus was a guy or James's best friend or one of the most perceptive people she knew, she found she <em>did</em> want to talk about it. Because he was <em>right</em>.</p><p>"She just…<em>knows</em> him. That way. Better than I do. It's like they have this…<em>connection</em> that I don't have with him."</p><p>Remus looked at her thoughtfully. "Don't you know Eddie that way?"</p><p>Lily shrugged. "I suppose, but—something tells me Dahlia and James had a…<em>spicier</em> sex life than me and Eddie did."</p><p>He chuckled. "I don't need to know details. But say, for the hypothetical's sake, that things between you and Eddie had been a bit…<em>spicier</em>. Would that have changed anything? Would you still feel the same way about him that you do right now?"</p><p>Lily chewed her lip. The truthful answer was no, she didn't think it would have changed her feelings if she had finished instead of not, and yes, she would still feel the same way about him as a person, as a friend, knowing he wasn't the right boy for her.</p><p>Remus went on, "So they had an attraction and things were good <em>mechanically</em>. So what? Are you telling me you and James <em>don't</em> have that, and more? I saw goblets on Saturday, and I can tell you, as his best friend that's seen him up close when he's been with other girls, that I've never seen him as happy or as affectionate with someone as he is with you."</p><p>She wasn't entirely sure what to say. She understood all of that, she did, there was just something else nagging at her, something she couldn't articulate.</p><p>Remus must have caught on, as she was simultaneously glad and afraid he might. "If Dahlia knows him better<em> that way</em>, it's only because of <em>time</em>. Which you can also have with him. And if you're <em>still</em> insecure about it, because you think he's…I don't know, comparing you or something, then you just need to <em>talk</em> to him about it."</p><p>Lily quirked a brow. "And how am I supposed to do that when he's acting like a petulant child and ignoring that I exist?"</p><p>Remus smiled. "Okay, here's what you do…"</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>And so, a couple hours later, having finally decided to heed her friends' advice, she did yet another thing she'd never done: she intercepted James after practice.</p><p>He was making his way across the common room, hair mussed, the sides wet with sweat around his face. His shirt was drenched, sticking to his skin, and he looked exhausted, not doing his usual stop-and-chats with people as he passed through the room. With one last encouraging smile from Marlene and a knowing nod from Remus, Lily got up from the armchair she'd been curled in, casting her book to the side.</p><p>"Potter."</p><p>He didn't stop, didn't even look at her. "S'up, Evans?"</p><p>She flashed a scroll of parchment. "It's urgent."</p><p>He just said, "Okay," and continued on to the boys' staircase.</p><p>Lily followed. "Where're Sirius and Mac?"</p><p>"Hung back," James said simply.</p><p>Hmm. That was interesting.</p><p>She followed him into his dormitory, where he was striding towards his bed, setting his broom on his trunk, peeling off gloves.</p><p>"What's the parchment, Evans?"</p><p>"A ruse to talk to you."</p><p>James looked at her briefly at that, his face clouded, but then he just nodded and returned to pulling off his shoes.</p><p>"Go for it."</p><p>"I know you heard about Garrytt."</p><p>The stare he gave her just then was like ice. "Want me to say congratulations?"</p><p>And then the bastard peeled his shirt clean off, muscles rippling in all their glory, skin glistening, chest hair matted with sweat.</p><p>Two could play that game. Lily flicked her wand over her shoulder, swiftly slamming the door, before she dropped her wand to the ground with a clatter and pulled her jumper off over her head. James was staring at her, frozen, but she could see from the rapid rise and fall of his chest that she had gotten to him. She unzipped her skirt, let it fall to the ground. James's eyes traveled over her body, took in the matching navy lace she'd thought he'd like; a muscle twitched in his jaw.</p><p>"I'd rather you say: gee, Lily, I'm really sorry for <em>believing</em> all of that <em>stupid</em> gossip going around this <em>bloody</em> school because I should have just <em>asked</em> you about it, and then I would have <em>known</em> that you in fact did <em>not</em> stick your tongue down Garrytt Ollivander's throat, and that what <em>really</em> happened was that he kissed you out of the blue and you shoved him off."</p><p>Silence. Watchful stare.</p><p>"<em>And then</em>, you could say: and I'm also really sorry, Lily, for making it look like I'm still with my ex-girlfriend by making out during Snare and looking like we were about to off and have sex and <em>then</em> carrying her to the Hospital Wing and kissing her on the bloody forehead like something a fucking <em>boyfriend</em> fucking does."</p><p>His mouth fell slightly open, his voice small. "You know I'm not—Dahl and I aren't—"</p><p>Lily was already breathing hard, but now her skin felt hot, and she knew a flush was creeping around her chest and neck as she steeled herself to go into territory that terrified her.</p><p>"Well that's what you both keep <em>telling</em> me, but you have to know that's not what it fucking <em>looks</em> like."</p><p>James sighed. "Is this about today, or about Snare?"</p><p>"It's about both—"</p><p>"You know Snare was just a game—"</p><p>"AND IT STILL HURT, JAMES."</p><p>The words had burst out of her, and he froze, his face suddenly concerned, almost afraid, and Lily vaguely remembered that <em>he</em> had yelled almost those exact same words to her just a few weeks before, when he had been upset at finding out about her going out with Garrytt in the first place.</p><p>Lily took a deep breath, tried to control her voice, though her temper was now flooding her body with adrenaline. "You think you felt hurt from just <em>hearing</em> that I might have snogged <em>Garrytt</em>, who I've never dated and you know I don't like that way? You and Dahlia dated for like <em>six months</em>. Your whole relationship revolved around <em>sex</em>. Fuck, you just slept with her a <em>month</em> ago, at least that I know of—"</p><p>"That was the last ti—"</p><p>"And I watched you <em>pick her up</em>, James. The way you kissed was—it was like—you looked <em>together</em>. Like <em>nothing </em>had changed. Like you were just going to carry her straight upstairs and shag like you always did."</p><p>James swallowed hard. "It's not—"</p><p>Lily spoke over him. "And you know what I did? You know why I left?"</p><p>He stared at her, clamping his mouth back shut.</p><p>Lily's voice shook. "I shut myself in my bed and <em>cried</em>. I fucking <em>sobbed</em>, Potter"—she saw him wince at the reversion to his surname—"because it <em>hurt</em>, it <em>fucking</em> hurt, to watch you with her. It felt like—like you were <em>cheating</em> on me, or—<em>breaking up</em> with me, and we're not even fucking <em>together</em>, and I—I tried not to care, because I <em>know</em> it was a stupid party game, and I <em>know</em> I turned it up with Sirius too just to get out of it, but today? <em>Really?</em> After <em>all</em> of that?"</p><p>James's expression looked pained, his brows knotted, his chest rising and falling rapidly.</p><p>"You—you really…<em>cried</em>?"</p><p>Lily laughed, something hollow. "Yes, Potter, I cried. After Snare, after I left the Hospital Wing yesterday. Because I'm <em>falling</em> for you, and now I feel like a fucking <em>idiot</em>—"</p><p>"You are?"</p><p>Lily stared at him, eyes wide, trying to remember what she had last said.</p><p>"Falling for me?"</p><p>The look on his face just then was so open, so sincere, like he could hardly believe it. Lily managed a weak smile, put her hands on her hips. "Of <em>course</em> I am, why else would I be standing here <em>rowing</em> with you in my fucking <em>lingerie</em>, Potter?"</p><p>He was tossing his shirt on the ground, striding towards her.</p><p>"<em>Damnit</em>, Potter, you <em>can't </em>just ki—"</p><p>But his mouth was on hers, hands squeezing whatever they could find, and apparently he could just kiss her and somehow make her feel better. He tasted like salt, smelled something atrocious, but Lily didn't even care, only recognized the sudden heat flooding her body, her skin burning where he touched her, the way her heart seemed to be pounding in her stomach.</p><p>He hoisted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, buried hands in his sweaty hair, fleetingly thinking about how this was the exact pose she'd been envious over, as he carried her into the lavatory, kicking the door shut behind him and walking her straight into the shower, where he pinned her against the wall. He reached out with one hand to turn the water on, then scraped teeth along her jaw, left mingled nips and kisses and licks on her neck.</p><p>"Potter—"</p><p>"I'm sorry." He pulled his face back up to hers, shook his head. "I'm so fucking sorry, Lily. I didn't realize—I never want to hurt you. Fuck, I <em>never</em> want to make you <em>cry</em>. I—"</p><p>Lily swallowed hard as she searched his eyes, the spray of the water throwing small drops onto his glasses. He still had that pained look on his face, though there was a softness to his eyes as he looked at her, something…caring. It reminded Lily of how he'd looked at her when he'd taken care of her after her duel with Severus, or after she'd been attacked.</p><p>Her voice came out in a whisper. "You what?"</p><p>He licked his lips, his eyes shifting quickly between hers. "I—I've never felt like this. About anyone."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard. "I haven't either."</p><p>"R—really?"</p><p>She nodded, realizing for the first time that he might need just as much reassurance as she did, only about something different, and that maybe that was why he was so quick to believe a rumor that he surely shouldn't have. A real smile finally tugged at her lips. "Really."</p><p>"Fuck, Evans." He rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. "I mean it, I'm sorry. I should have talked to you before, about Garrytt, about Snare. You don't have to ever be jealous of her, of <em>anyone</em>—"</p><p>"Tell me why."</p><p>James peeled his forehead off of hers, opened his eyes, and his voice sounded slightly choked as he said, "Because <em>everything</em> is better with you, because it's <em>you</em>, because I—"</p><p>He broke off, and Lily waited, wondering if he was going to say those words she thought were at the tip of his tongue.</p><p>"Because I want to <em>be</em> with you—<em>only</em> you, Lily. And I know we're not, like, <em>together </em>together, I know we made this…<em>Plan</em> because you needed time to—"</p><p>"James."</p><p>He went quiet and stared at her.</p><p>"Will you ask me out on a proper date already so I can say yes?"</p><p>She saw his throat bob, heard his ragged intake of breath. He cleared his throat, and when he spoke, he sounded more nervous than he'd ever been uttering those same words he'd asked her since he was fourteen. "Lily. Will you go out with me next Saturday?"</p><p>Lily smiled and cupped his face as she spoke her answer slowly, knowing he'd savor every word, etch it into his memory. "Yes, James. I would love to go out with you."</p><p>His face split into a grin, and he kissed her, something somehow sweeter than all their kisses before even though he still tasted like salt and smelled something atrocious.</p><p>Lily wasn't sure how or when, but they somehow removed James' trousers and Lily's lingerie, tossing them all to the lavatory floor, and then she was pinned back against the shower wall, James' face buried in her neck as he thrust into her with an intensity she hadn't seen out of him before, like he was letting out everything that had been festering inside him for the past two days. Lily felt a strange sense of deja vu being shagged against the wall like that; it was like their time in the dungeon corridor, but different. So different. This time they were naked, and this time there was an added layer of urgency between them, like they <em>needed </em>each other, like they had <em>missed</em> each other.</p><p>After awhile, he seemed to come back to himself, and he slowed his pace, kissing her with a tenderness that flooded her stomach with heat. Lily was obsessed with the feel of him, skin sticky with sweat against hers, stubble like rough sandpaper against her skin, lips salty on her mouth. She threaded her fingers deeper into his hair, deepening their kiss, squirming against him. At one point, she thought she might have distantly heard a door, but then James was hitting that angle he remembered she liked, and cries of pleasure were escaping her, and lucid thought fled. She only knew this, knew him. <em>Precision</em>. Kisses and touches that trailed fire across her skin, fire that seemingly no one else could elicit. As if disembodied, Lily heard the mingling of James' groans with her own strangled noises, and there was something so erotic about that <em>sound</em>, and he felt so fucking <em>good</em>, and she was suddenly <em>there</em>, and she vaguely realized she had been aroused for him for days, had watched him from afar, unable to prevent that pulsing desire rushing between her legs, had started fantasizing about this moment since she had sat in the common room an hour ago, her mind made up, and now they hadn't even been shagging that long but—</p><p>"James," she gasped in his ear, "fuck, I'm close."</p><p>He was smiling. "Missed me, did you?"</p><p>It had only been two days, but they had been the longest two days of her life. She dug her fingernails harder into his shoulders in response, hearing him hiss. "You have—<em>no</em> idea."</p><p>His voice was raspy, deep. "I missed you too, Evans. <em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>She could sense how he was just as close as she was, could feel it from the way he felt bigger, swollen, from the tautness in his body. Fresh sweat on his brow mingled with all that had already dried on his face. His mouth brushed against hers, and he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. Lily squirmed and clenched around him, and James made a low noise in his throat, sinking fingertips hard enough into her thighs that she fleetingly thought she'd have bruises by tomorrow.</p><p>"<em>James</em>. I'm—"</p><p>He buried his face in her neck. "<em>Come</em>, Lil. I'm close, I need to you come."</p><p>She squirmed around him, seeking more friction, more pressure, where her pleasure point ground against his pelvis as he slid in and out of her.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>."</p><p>Using her legs around him as leverage, digging her heels into his arse, Lily swiveled around him in small circular thrusts, her arms tight around his neck, her fingers grabbing fistfuls of his hair, and then, barely noticing the cry that escaped her, she came in an explosion of nerve endings, and James was swearing into her neck, thrusting into her with rapid, shallow strokes as she convulsed around him, and with a ringing moan, he followed her, pinning her to the shower wall with his whole upper body and thrusting into her as deep as he could go.</p><p>They stood there like that for several minutes while they recovered, Lily's head tilted back against the shower wall, James's face in her neck, and she scratched a slow pattern through his hair, over his scalp. When James eventually let her down, Lily thought he trembled slightly, finally pushed to a state of physical exhaustion Lily hadn't ever seen from him. She helped him shower, the process slowed by their frequent breaks for heady kisses and because she enjoyed shampooing his hair far more than she ever would have believed she'd admit, and when they were both cleaned up, James tied off a towel around his waist and Lily, her lingerie still being wet from when they pulled it off in the shower, tied one around her chest.</p><p>They emerged from the lavatory to find Sirius and Remus leaning side-by-side against James's bed.</p><p>Lily froze, feet bolted to the floor, and she thought James was having much the same reaction.</p><p>Sirius's grin was wicked. "Thought that skirt looked familiar, Evans."</p><p>Remus arched a brow. "Not sure how you thought a silencing charm could be on that lavatory door when both your wands are out here."</p><p>Sirius chuckled. "It was the heat of the moment, Moony. You know how it goes."</p><p>Remus stuck out his palm sideways. "Pay up, Pads."</p><p>Lily found her voice. "Wha—you <em>bet </em>on this?"</p><p>They were both grinning, but Sirius spoke first. "After that World Cup party? You bet we did, Swish. And you want to know what else? I just fucking <em>lost</em> because I bet you'd hold out on him <em>longer</em>. Shows just what the fuck I know."</p><p>Lily's jaw was falling off her face. She looked to Remus, needing confirmation that this couldn't possibly be real. He just winked at her.</p><p>"I knew you didn't stand a chance after my Top 10 list. Put five galleons you'd shag before Halloween. And what d'you know, we're a month early. You've always been an overachiever, Lily."</p><p>"You—<em>you're</em> taking the piss out of <em>me? </em>As I stand here in a fucking <em>towel?</em> You traitor!"</p><p>"No," Sirius interjected, "<em>heroes</em>. We're your <em>cover</em>. Because as long as <em>we're</em> up here, the common room isn't talking about you lot being up here too long. Especially when they might've heard you all the way downstairs."</p><p>Lily's face burned. Sirius winked at her. "You got lungs, Evans."</p><p>James had been silent for the entire exchange. Lily turned to him, finally acknowledging his presence in front of his friends, never mind they had just emerged from the shower in only towels after Sirius and Remus had apparently overheard, if not everything, definitely enough.</p><p>"What, are you mute, now?"</p><p>James just grinned sheepishly and dragged a hand through his hair.</p><p>Lily turned back to Remus and Sirius. "Just…keep it quiet, will you? No one outside the friend group. We're sort of…" She looked over at James, found him watching her with an amused look on his face.</p><p>Remus's eyes twinkled at her as he suggested, "Shagging it out?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes and grumble, "Something like that."</p><p>"Well," Sirius said, strolling toward the door, "we'll leave you to it, just—maybe actually <em>lock</em> and <em>silence</em> the door this time, yeah?"</p><p>And, though Lily knew it was already getting late, Sirius and Remus flashed twin wicked smiles and left them the room.</p><p>She looked at James, not sure what to say, but he spoke, his voice hesitant, almost shy, as he asked, "I know you said before—the school night thing—but…will you…stay?"</p><p>Lily nodded, not wanting to leave, just wanting to be near him. A true crinkle-eyed grin split over his face as he turned to rummage around for that oversized t-shirt that now seemed reserved just for her, tossing it her way before pulling out another t-shirt and a pair of soft athletic shorts for himself.</p><p>She clambered onto his bed, sitting up against the pillows and pulling the blankets up around her lap, and he joined her, closing the curtains around them and setting his lit wand between them, giving them enough light to see each other.</p><p>He was biting his lip, looking at her with a strange expression.</p><p>Lily searched his eyes. "Why are you looking at me like that?"</p><p>He hesitated only a moment, then said, "You really didn't—he just—"</p><p>Lily reached over to him and found his hands with hers, lacing their fingers together as she looked up at him and met his gaze. "He walked me to the common room after our study group finished doing Runes. He does that when it goes late so I don't have to walk back by myself. He sort of figured out my attack before wasn't a potions accident and was the Slytherins. And normally it's…normal. We're friends. But Sunday he just…kissed me. I don't know. It took me by surprise, and once I realized what was happening, I pushed him away and I told him I didn't have feelings for him like that."</p><p>James rubbed his thumb over hers. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I shouldn't have believed it, but I just heard, and I thought—I don't know, worst case scenario, I guess."</p><p>Lily nodded. "Understandable."</p><p>"Not really."</p><p>She shrugged. "It's not like I haven't done the same thing. About Dahlia."</p><p>James's eyes narrowed. "You didn't ignore me for two days."</p><p>Lily chuckled softly. "No, I didn't. I just…ignored that it bothered me at all."</p><p>James looked at her curiously. "I get why it was hard to watch, but I don't get why it still bothers you. Her and I aren't like that anymore."</p><p>Lily sighed. "You two just have so much <em>chemistry</em>. Still. And to watch that, and—and know that you can do the same thing with <em>me</em> that you can do with <em>her</em>—"</p><p>"But it's not—"</p><p>"Well of <em>course</em> it—"</p><p>James was shaking his head. "It's not the same. Not even close—"</p><p>"Will you <em>listen</em>?"</p><p>He bit his lip, his face looking sheepish.</p><p>Lily went on, "From the outside, it looked the same. You guys just look so…familiar. And I tried to ignore how much it hurt to watch, but I can't, not after yesterday. I mean honestly, I don't know what hurt more, seeing you practically have sex with her or seeing you kiss her bloody forehead."</p><p>James reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, ran his thumb over her cheek. "Is telling you I'm sorry again going to help?"</p><p>Lily gave him a small smile. "Maybe a little."</p><p>"Lily, I'm <em>sorry</em>. I really am. You know how I feel about you, you know I'd never hurt you on purpose. I<em> want </em>this with you. So tell me what you need to not have hurt feelings anymore, because I'm not letting a game of fucking Snare get in the way of what we have."</p><p>She was equal parts moved and frustrated.</p><p>"I can't just <em>decide</em> not to have hurt feelings anymore—"</p><p>"Why not? I don't have hurt feelings anymore, about Ollivander or about Sirius—"</p><p>"And I don't have the same history with them—"</p><p>"Well, no, but—"</p><p>"But that's <em>exactly the point</em>. You—both of you keep saying you didn't have these feelings for each other, but you obviously had <em>something</em>, and Snare—it was like—she has this history, this <em>connection</em> with you, that—that I <em>don't</em>, and Snare just—shoved it all in my face."</p><p>"Lily, I told you before, it's not the same—"</p><p>"You keep <em>saying</em> that—"</p><p>"Well, what do you <em>want</em> me to say, Evans?" James's eyes flashed, irritation showing for the first time. "Dahl and I have history. That's just a <em>fact</em>. Yeah, snogging her is <em>familiar</em>, I did it for more than six fucking months. I know what positions she likes, I know how to make her come, and she knows me the same way. I can't make all that <em>go away</em>. And yeah, I was into her like that. <em>Was</em>. Past tense. Just because we know <em>how</em> to do it doesn't mean we <em>want</em> to anymore."</p><p>James sighed, but Lily didn't say anything, and he went on, his voice softer. "Dahlia and I didn't <em>cuddle</em>, Evans. We didn't go on dates just the two of us, we didn't hold hands, we really only kissed when we were shagging. But we were there for each other, and we trust each other, and that's why we can still be friends, and why I still care about her, even if I don't want her like that anymore—"</p><p>"You didn't—in Snare, I mean—you didn't, I don't know—"</p><p>"What, feel anything with her? Hell no."</p><p>"But you looked—"</p><p>James chuckled—<em>chuckled</em>—and said, "Evans, for being the smartest witch in this school that's going to break loads of curses someday, you can be really thick sometimes."</p><p>Her mouth fell open.</p><p>"You seriously think I could even <em>get it up</em> with another girl right now? After knowing what it's like to be with you?"</p><p>She stared at him.</p><p>He shook his head, still grinning. "Shit, Evans, since the second I found out we almost kissed at the World Cup, I haven't even <em>thought</em> about another girl. Literally have not noticed a <em>single</em> one. And then <em>actually</em> kissing you? <em>Shagging </em>you? Fuck, <em>studying</em> with you? Having you sleep over in my bed and just <em>cuddling</em> with you?"</p><p>James leaned forward, squeezing her hand where their fingers were still entwined. "Lily, you've changed <em>everything</em> for me."</p><p>"But how can you say—feel—<em>all</em> of that and then in Snare, just—<em>kiss</em> her like that—"</p><p>"Well I wasn't thinking about <em>Dahlia</em>, I was thinking about <em>you</em>."</p><p>Lily gaped. "You—you were?"</p><p>James's eyebrows rose up as his mouth fell down. "Are you <em>fucking</em> kidding? <em>That's</em> what this is really all about? You thought I could just—"</p><p>He looked away, pulled a hand away to run it through his hair, then turned back to her, his face a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "I really just had to <em>spell that out</em> for you? <em>Evans</em>. I'm <em>yours</em>. I know we're not—<em>together</em> together, but still. You think this whole…<em>thing</em> we're doing, this <em>plan</em>, is just a whim for me? I am <em>all in</em> for you. You really think if there was a way out of that game, I wouldn't have taken it in a second? What else do you think her and I were talking about beforehand?"</p><p>Lily frowned. "What—"</p><p>"We were strategizing about how to get it over with as fast as possible, and I said, I might as well pick you up and pretend you're Evans, and so that's what we <em>did</em>."</p><p>She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You—she <em>knew</em> you were—"</p><p>James chuckled, shaking his head disbelievingly at her. "Of <em>course</em> she knew. Dahl's one of my <em>best friends</em>, Evans. She had already told me she talked to you in Hogsmeade, she guessed we were hooking up, and she knows I never stopped having feelings for you, not really. So when Snare happened, and I knew it couldn't be you, I was honestly relieved I got put with her instead of someone else because she knows how I feel about you and it wasn't weird to be honest with her about imagining it was you."</p><p>Lily could hardly believe what she was hearing.</p><p>He sighed, reached out a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Her and I are done having anything physical, Evans. We've <em>been</em> done. And yeah, at one point this summer I kinda thought her and I might keep up something casual, but the <em>second</em> I realized there was even the <em>possibility</em> that I could have a chance with you—that was it."</p><p>Lily took a deep breath, tried not to think about how her hands were shaking. It was all making sense, all coming together, and hearing that he'd been thinking about <em>her</em>—<em>Lily</em>—during Snare was the answer she hadn't realized she'd needed, the key to the relief that dissolved her hurt, lifted the burden of the weight she'd carried thinking about that kiss. Because he wasn't tempted by his past sexual relationship with Dahlia. He hadn't been tapping into old feelings, or old attraction at all. He had been going through familiar motions, but he'd been thinking about <em>Lily</em>. And it was that, more than anything, that made her finally understand what he and Dahlia had been trying to tell her: that they had truly moved on from the sexual relationship they'd shared.</p><p>And knowing that, she found that the forehead kiss after the duel didn't bother her as much any more. Because she had been honest with Remus when she'd said that she wouldn't have minded seeing him kiss Mary or Marlene on the forehead like that, in a tender moment of friendship and care. She could see from how he talked about Dahlia, that to him, she was now in the same camp as the other two. He cared for her; he trusted her; he would do anything for her, as he'd do anything for any of his friends. But he didn't <em>want</em> her; didn't <em>miss</em> her; didn't even think about her when he had to kiss her in a game.</p><p>Those things were reserved for Lily. And now, having realized during the course of talking to him that night that if he was so quick to believe the gossip about her and Garrytt it was partially her own fault for not having been more clear about her own feelings, she figured it was time she put her own heart on the line.</p><p>Lily ducked her head down, played with her hands in her lap. "I know I don't—<em>talk</em> about my feelings very much, that's—more <em>your </em>thing"—he smirked softly—"but something about you this year has just felt…<em>different</em>. From the beginning. And lately…I don't know when, exactly, I can't—can't pinpoint it, but—I just feel like <em>everything</em> has changed. For the better."</p><p>She looked up, found his eyes on her, something soft and warm. Lily swallowed hard. "The Plan was all about getting me used to liking you so I'd go on a date with you, right?"</p><p>James nodded. Lily bit her lip and then gave him a cheeky grin. "Well, I'd say that phase is completed."</p><p>He quirked a brow. "Phase?"</p><p>Lily nodded, feeling the flush rising up her neck. "Yeah, I think we're into the next one."</p><p>"And what's that, Evans?"</p><p>"Getting me used to…the next idea."</p><p>His eyes seemed to glimmer. "Which is?"</p><p>The bloody bastard was going to make her say it.</p><p>"Being your girlfriend?"</p><p>James's face broke into a smile that made her heart ache. "C'mere, Lil." She let him pull her into his chest, envelop her in his arms, and she wrapped her arms back around him, sighing into him as she felt the press of his lips in her hair, tender as those early tender kisses that had knocked the wind out of her from the start.</p><p>Lily pulled her head up to look at him, wanting—needing—to kiss him after all of that, and he must have wanted it too, because he brought a hand to her face, threading fingers back into her hair, and lowered his mouth to hers. Warmth flooded her body as his lips moved over hers, something tender and slow but no less passionate for it. Her legs scissored through his, her body fitting snugly against him, but though she felt him pressing heavily into her stomach, neither of them made any move to do anything more than simply keep kissing each other, and Lily was glad. Something about that moment felt too special, too delicate.</p><p>Eventually, after one of their kisses broke, James pulled back slightly, twining his fingers in her hair, and said softly, "We should probably get some sleep."</p><p>"Yeah, we probably should."</p><p>He tilted up his chin and reached forward to kiss her forehead, something long and lingering, before he said in that same soft voice, "I'm sorry, about yesterday. I wasn't thinking. About how it looked. But you're the only girl that'll get these now, Evans. Promise."</p><p>Lily didn't even try to stop the smile spreading stupidly across her face.</p><p>James twisted away to pull off his glasses and reach through the curtain to set them on his nightstand, and as he rolled back toward her, Lily rolled onto her side, facing away from him, warmth surging through her all over again as his arms threaded around her and his body aligned with hers in one seamless movement.</p><p>"Lil?" His voice was muffled, somewhere near the back of her head.</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"I'm really happy."</p><p>Lily smiled, thinking her heart my burst on the spot. "So am I, James."</p><p>She felt his answering squeeze just before sleep crept up on her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Well Matched</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>On Tumblr at missgryffin, if you'd like to come say hello!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily woke up to the familiar swish of a tail by her face, followed in immediate succession by the bed curtains being yanked back and Sirius's voice booming, "Rise and shine, kids!"</p><p>James groaned behind her and tightened his arm around her middle, and Lily turned her head into the pillow on the pretense of avoiding the light but really to hide her face in case Sirius was looking at her, because she had also felt James hard against her bum and wanted nothing more than to be able to turn around and touch him. Maybe James felt the same, because he gave her one last squeeze and then he rolled away from her.</p><p>Lily felt movement on the pillow above her, and she decided to finally blink open an eye to take in her surroundings. Peter's bed hangings were still closed, which meant Remus was the one in the shower, because Sirius was at the window, seemingly unfazed by the chilly breeze that snuck in where the window was cracked open, and gazing out over the grounds with an almost wistful look on his face.</p><p>"What's the forecast today, Black?"</p><p>He turned over his shoulder and gave her a lopsided grin. "Smells like rain."</p><p>Lily sighed and smiled. "Oh, I <em>love</em> the rain. Especially when I'm studying, it's so <em>calming</em>."</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, some of us have <em>Herbology</em>, Evans."</p><p>She giggled. "Sorry, sorta forgot."</p><p>Behind her, she heard James say, "Hey there, buddy."</p><p>She turned over her shoulder to see Pan stepping tentatively onto James's chest, kneading his paws over those pectorals that Lily had now snuggled up against on more than one occasion and that, she knew, somehow felt perfectly solid and cushy at the same time. Her stomach did an odd little swoop at the thought.</p><p>Pan, seemingly just as pleased with James's pectorals, stepped fully onto him and settled on his chest, facing James with his front paws tucked under and tail wrapped around the side of his body. James scratched his ears gently, gave him some smooth pets down his spine, and then Pan was purring, a steady, gravely hum, as he nudged his head into James's hand in search of more ear and throat scratches.</p><p>James turned his head toward Lily and grinned. "Glad you could finally joins us, Evans."</p><p>Lily couldn't help but smile, but she shook her head. "You're <em>ridiculous</em>. How did he even get in here, anyway?"</p><p>Sirius came up to the end of James's bed and chuckled. "He was waiting outside the door when we came up last night."</p><p>James was scratching Pan under the chin. "You're a smart cat, aren't you?"</p><p>"The smartest," Lily added. "Which is why I never understood why he liked <em>you</em>."</p><p>James just laughed. "I'm an animal-whisperer, Evans, what can I say?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes and then was hit with something slippery and cool. Looking down and seeing herself partially disappeared, she realized it was the invisibility cloak.</p><p>Sirius closed James's trunk, where he had been rummaging. "For sneaking back to your dorm."</p><p>"Thanks." Lily slid out of James's bed as she wrapped the cloak around herself, leaving only her head visible, and then picked up her discarded uniform clothes from the floor. Turning over her shoulder, she said, "I'll see you boys at breakfast," and then, seeing Pan looking at her, she called, "Pan, you coming with me?"</p><p>He stood where he was on James, leapt effortlessly to the ground, and sauntered toward Lily. James laced his fingers behind his head and smiled at her, and Lily felt her heart skip a beat as she took him in. Messy hair. Warm gaze. Carved arms. The memory of his body heat, searing against her spine. Her stomach fluttered, and with a last smile, she pulled the hood of the cloak over her head and left.</p><p>She pulled the cloak off just before she entered her dorm, and her girlfriends all immediately stopped their getting ready process, all in various states of undress and makeup applying and hair styling, and stared at her.</p><p>Lily bit her lip, feeling her face flush, and then said. "We, er, talked. And then I slept over. And I'm going out with him next Saturday."</p><p>The room erupted into ear-splitting squeals and Lily was knocked backward in a blur of black hair and then brown hair added itself to the mix and when Lily was finally released by the beaming figures of Mary and Marlene, still babbling at her to tell them everything, Dahlia approached wearing her elfish smile, holding out a journal with a worn black cover, open to a page with fresh ink still drying.</p><p>Lily took it, biting back a smile as she read the entry scrawled beneath the last one from August 26.</p><p>
  <em><span>Date</span>: October 12, 1977<br/></em>
  <em><span>Time</span>: approx. 7:26 a.m.<br/></em>
  <em><span>Setting</span>: our dorm<br/></em>
  <em><span>Unforgotten Things</span>: LE showing up wearing only a t-shirt belonging to one JP, looking like she did indeed "shag that," and like she is in love and not at all opposed to the idea of "marrying that" </em>
</p><p>Wordlessly, Lily threw her arms around Dahlia, careful to hold the journal open so as not to smear the ink memorializing this morning that suddenly to seemed to hold more friendship, more openness, more <em>rightness</em> than Lily had ever thought herself capable of feeling, and as Dahlia gave her a squeeze and rubbed her back, Lily knew, with a rush of affection for this girl—who had been through her own trauma yet who had always radiated light, who had been the most loyal of friends, who had helped James grow up and become the boy Lily was falling head over heels for—that all was forgiven.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Now that their entire friend group knew that her and James were a thing, it was decidedly harder not to be flirtier with him in public. Lily could hardly get the stupid grin off her face, and James wasn't faring much better, so it was almost a relief when they were finally forced from each others' presence. While the rest of her friends traipsed down to the greenhouses for Herbology, Lily settled herself in the Heads' Office for a cozy afternoon of studying.</p><p>These afternoons were quickly becoming one of her favorite times of the week. The fire roared in the grate, offsetting the chill that crept through the stone. And that day, the drizzle outside lent an added layer of ambiance to the room, the soft patter of occasional drops and whistle of wind adding to the crackle of fire and scratch of her quill that made up the peaceful soundtrack to her work.</p><p>She had just finished her Transfiguration essay and was moving onto Charms (<em>"Describe three common uses of the Drought Charm and explain why it is ineffective on large bodies of water"</em>) when the door swung open and James strode into the room, his face splitting into a grin as Lily looked up and met his eye. His hair was windswept, he looked damp from walking through the drizzle outside, and he was covered in dirt. He came right up to her desk, his eyes glittering with excitement, and Lily got a whiff of that familiar scent, sweat mixed with earth, that affixed itself to everyone after Herbology.</p><p>Lily arched her brows. "Good class, Potter?"</p><p>He grinned. "Excellent. We transplanted knot grass, Sprout's trying to grow a supply before the winter frost."</p><p>Lily stared, her brain turning. "Knotgrass—we need that for—"</p><p>James nodded. "Wolfsbane Potion."</p><p>"And we don't have to go looking in the Forest? It's in a greenhouse now?"</p><p>"Greenhouse Four, to be precise."</p><p>Lily rifled through her stack of papers with notes on the Wolfsbane Potion, skimming through until she found the section she wanted. "We need two bundles, and it should be severed from its root only at night—"</p><p>"Tonight?"</p><p>Lily looked up at him sharply. "<em>Tonight?</em>"</p><p>James shrugged. "Why not? We have to start collecting ingredients, there's no special rules about how long knotgrass keeps, we talked about it today, we'll just need to store it in a sealed jar. Come on, it'll be like a secret mission, you and me."</p><p>Comprehension dawned as she took in his nervous energy, his bright eyes. "You really need to break some rules, don't you?"</p><p>"Yes." It came out emphatically, with no hesitation.</p><p>Lily snorted. "Merlin, you're pathetic sometimes, Potter. It's like trouble is a drug and you've been denied your fix."</p><p>He rolled his eyes, but he didn't argue. "And you've had fun with me every time you've got caught up in it."</p><p>Well—she couldn't deny that. She arched a brow. "You could go by yourself."</p><p>He shook his head. "You're cover. You need it for what you're working on with Slughorn. I'm just there for moral support, because of Muggle-born attacks. And I <em>can</em> be, because I'm Head Boy."</p><p>Damn. He had really thought that through.</p><p>Lily studied him, chewing her lip. Though she'd gone eavesdropping with him and made that detour in the Forest while they'd been on detention, this felt more <em>deliberate</em> in its rule-breaking. She would be intentionally breaking into a greenhouse, very much after hours, and she would be stealing an ingredient that she could otherwise collect on her own in the Forest. But, admittedly, getting the knotgrass from the greenhouse was a much safer option, since it was unclear how deep into the Forest they'd otherwise have to go and they knew the Slytherins were using the Forest as a meeting spot.</p><p>James's eyes flitted between hers, like he knew her struggle. "We're doing this for Remus."</p><p>She sighed. He was right. He was <em>always</em> fucking right. And if it meant helping Remus, allowing him to turn without being a danger to other people, giving him that peace of mind, however small a thing—she might just break every rule in the school and be perfectly okay with it.</p><p>"Okay," she agreed. "Tonight. But on one condition: you need to shower first."</p><p>He grinned at her. "You can come join, if you want."</p><p>His eyes twinkled with mischief, and though she wanted nothing more than to sink her hands in that hair and kiss those lips turning up at the edges, she forced herself to exert a modicum of self-control.</p><p>Lily held up her Transfiguration book. "One of us has an essay to finish before our late-night rendezvous, Potter."</p><p>His gaze was heated, and he leaned further over her desk, his voice lower as he said, "Two of us have an essay to finish, Evans. But if you want to stay down here, just know I'll be finishing something else by myself, and I'll be thinking about you the whole time."</p><p>Lily could only stare, hardly aware that her mouth was slightly open, her lungs stopped.</p><p>James chuckled softly and pulled back from leaning over her desk. "I'll come down here after dinner, yeah? We'll head out 'round ten?"</p><p>She cleared her throat and managed to spit out, "Erm, yeah—that—sounds like you have a plan."</p><p>James winked at her. "And a partner in crime."</p><p>And then he turned and left, and Lily watched him as he did, cursing herself for how her whole body had turned to mush, for how much she wanted to be peeling that shirt off his back and massaging shampoo into that hair, and she wondered if she should take a break from her Transfiguration essay to entertain her own little fantasy.</p><p>The door shut with a soft click, and James was gone, and the room suddenly returned to its quiet stillness, the crackle of the fire and the soft patter of the rain the only sounds. And all it took was one thought of James in his shower, one flash of memory of his hand pumping himself while Lily sat breathless in his lap, and she didn't even have to wonder because she was reaching under her skirt, sliding down in her chair, her heavy breathing and soft moans soon joining the crackle of the fire and soft patter of the rain as the only sounds.</p><p>Damn that boy.</p><p>She was in so much fucking trouble.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Dinner and subsequent evening hours spent across from James as he worked on his own Transfiguration essay passed in a blur, and though she had already finished hers and was trying to focus her attention on Arithmancy problems, she kept getting distracted by staring at James.</p><p>She'd seen him study on plenty of occasions by that point, recognized the way he sat with one hand in his hair, the other scratching away, brow just slightly furrowed in focus. But now, the newness of their conversation the night before still in the forefront of her mind, the knowledge of what she'd done in that room while he'd been upstairs making new desire pulse through her veins, she thought that even him studying was possibly the sexiest thing she'd ever fucking seen. And judging by the length of parchment he'd already written, he was nearing the end and they would soon be on their way, toward trouble.</p><p>Merlin, she'd really lost it.</p><p>He suddenly looked up and caught her staring, and the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. "See something you like, Evans?"</p><p>Lily felt the flush rise around her cheeks but just said, "Obviously."</p><p>He smirked, and though he was looking back down at his essay, he said, "I thought about being with you after we win on Saturday."</p><p>Lily didn't miss a beat. "I thought about you in my bed."</p><p>James's quill snapped, and his eyes darted sharply up to hers over his glasses. They stared at each other a moment, and Lily fought the sly smile threatening to escape as she watched him race to process that admission.</p><p>"You—in here?"</p><p>She bit her lip and nodded.</p><p>"After I left?</p><p>She nodded again.</p><p>He ducked his head, raking his hand through his hair as he dropped his broken quill. "<em>Fuck</em>, Evans. Are you <em>trying</em> to kill me?"</p><p>"No," she said cheekily, "I'm trying to break into a greenhouse to save our friend and then have my way with you in here when we get back."</p><p>James looked up and stared at her, dumbfounded.</p><p>"So if you could hurry up and finish your damn essay, that would be ideal." She gave him what she hoped was a stern look, and then added, "Please."</p><p>He held out a hand. "Lend me a quill for my conclusion?"</p><p>Smirking, Lily got up and came around to his desk, handing him the requested quill and then reaching out to push his hair back from his forehead. "I'm going to be over there, so I can't distract you, waiting patiently for this secret mission to start."</p><p>He grinned at her, grabbed her hand as she pulled it away, and kissed her knuckles softly. "Give me ten minutes."</p><p>With a nod and a smile, she withdrew her hand and went to sit in an armchair by the fire. He was finished in seven, and he called her over, stuffing the map in his back pocket. "Ready?"</p><p>Lily sighed, swirling her cloak around her shoulders. "As I'll ever be to go steal from Pomona."</p><p>James chuckled, pulling on his own dark cloak. "Don't worry, I've done this plenty of times."</p><p>He led them through quiet corridors, and Lily tried to walk as casually as if she were on patrol (which was their pretense until they got out of the castle, and it switched to her getting an ingredient for her work with Slughorn). When they reached the front doors, James cast a quick glance around before pushing open the front door just enough for them to fit through and then shutting it quietly behind them. Wordlessly, he grabbed her hand and lead her across the grounds through the drizzle.</p><p>They slipped around the corners of the greenhouses, making for Greenhouse 4, and with a whispered <em>Alohomora</em>, James pushed the door silently open before shutting it behind them. It was immediately stifling, the humidity of the greenhouse hitting her like a wall, and she shed her cloak, letting it drop to the floor, not missing that James had immediately done the same.</p><p>Lily breathed deeply through her nose and realized a part of her had missed coming down here, missed the closeness of nature that the greenhouses provided: the pungent smell of earth, all the bright leafy green, the way light poured through the floor-to-ceiling glass panes that lined the whole room. Now, it being dark and drizzly, only a faint moonlight shone through, but it was enough to illuminate the rows of tables and shelves and trees and plants and pots that were all arranged in haphazard fashion.</p><p>His eyes twinkling in the dark, James again took her hand and led her through tables until they reached a section with a long stretch of what looked like fresh sod in low boxes.</p><p>"Knotgrass," he said softly. "There's a section down a ways that's more grown, come on."</p><p>Using a neat severing charm, Lily plucked a couple of bunches of knotgrass and sealed it in a conjured jar, and then she set to help James with adjusting the transplanted grass so it wasn't as obvious that a patch had gone missing. They worked quietly, and when they were done, they went to the sink near the back to rinse the dirt from their hands.</p><p>"I like being back in here," she told him. "Though I never much cared for the subject outside of learning potions ingredients."</p><p>James chuckled. "Yeah, you and the Venomous Tentacula didn't get along so well, if I recall."</p><p>Lily shot him a dark look. "It literally tried to eat me <em>every damn class</em>. Sprout had to <em>move it</em> to another greenhouse because it wouldn't leave me the hell alone."</p><p>"Can't really blame it, Evans, you do look tasty in here when you get all dirty—"</p><p>Lily swatted him, and then jumped as a sudden ringing clap of thunder made the ground quake and flash of lightening momentarily lit up the whole greenhouse. A second later, the skies opened outside, and rain suddenly pounded heavily against the glass panes of the greenhouse.</p><p>Lily met James's eyes, as wide with surprise as her own, but then he was grinning, something cheeky, as he asked, "What d'you say about waiting this out?"</p><p>She bit her lip as she smiled, and then she took the few steps toward him that closed their gap, bringing her hands to his sides. "I can think of something that could pass the time."</p><p>James lifted his hands to her face, pushed some stray strands behind her ear and then tugged her plait gently. "Maybe a…greenhouse deflowering?"</p><p>Lily giggled. "Yeah, something like that."</p><p>Smiling, James leaned down and kissed her, something sweet that quickly deepened as he slid his tongue over her lip and Lily tilted her head back for him, meeting his tongue with her own as she wrapped her arms around his middle, grabbing fistfuls of shirt to pull him closer. She sighed into his mouth; she'd wanted this all day, deprived first by Sirius throwing back the bed curtains before they could wake up properly and then by the rote routine of day-to-day and then by discipline only possible because of the innate knowing they seemed to both have that once it started, it wouldn't stop, and that this important task, for their friend, needed to be completed before the starting and not stopping could begin.</p><p>As they kissed, he slowly walked her back against the glass, cradling her head and pressing the whole length of his body against hers. The rain echoed loudly behind her, the intermittent flashes of lightening bright behind her eyelids, and the chill of the rain on the other side of the glass mingled with the steamy humidity of the greenhouse, lighting up her skin in goosebumps.</p><p>She could feel his arousal pressing into her stomach, and she slid her hands to his front, feeling him through his trousers as her other fingers sought his fly.</p><p>James broke their kiss, his voice husky as he murmured, "Hold on—wait."</p><p>Lily made an impatient noise. "I <em>want</em> you."</p><p>His whisper was hot on her cheek. "I have a better idea."</p><p>And after one last lingering kiss to her mouth, he sunk down on one knee.</p><p>Lily's heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him there, <em>ridiculous</em> thoughts swirling in her mind. She thought he could maybe tell by the sly grin he gave her just then, but then he put his hands on the back of her legs, just under the hem of her skirt, and looked up at her with earnest eyes as he asked, "Can I?"</p><p>Lily was suddenly breathless. The only other boy to do this had been Edgar, but he hadn't stayed down there long enough to accomplish anything, and Lily hadn't been sure she enjoyed it all that much. But she knew—just <em>knew</em>—that James would be different. Because it was <em>James</em>.</p><p>She nodded, her voice scratchy. "Yeah, you can."</p><p>He pulled his glasses from his face, set them to the side, then ran his hands up her legs and slid her knickers to the floor. His fingertips brushed over her ankle, prompting her to lift her foot and release her knickers from that leg, and then he looked up at her as he gently grabbed her calf and said, "Over my shoulder."</p><p>Lily complied, draping her leg over him, and he shifted closer to her, adjusted her legs around him, getting them both in a position they could maintain.</p><p>"You good, Lil?"</p><p>She thought he was just asking about whether she was comfortable, but maybe he also wanted a final reassurance that it was really okay to keep going, and so she mumbled a soft, "<em>Yes</em>," as she let her shoulders relax against the glass pane behind her, her eyes drifting closed, the pattering of rain hypnotic behind her head. There was a sudden rush of air against her skin as James lifted her skirt, and then he had ducked under it, pressing soft kisses around the insides of her thighs as one hand held onto the leg over her his shoulder and the other reached to touch her.</p><p>She felt James spreading her gently with his fingers, then the hot blast of his breath, making her shiver, then the soft press of his lips, like a little <em>hello</em>, then the wet pressure of his tongue, just a light tap that sent tingles zinging through her veins and her mouth falling open.</p><p>Lily shuddered; his tongue was so delicate it was almost ticklish, yet she felt awash in pleasure unlike anything she had ever felt with him. He licked her methodically, slowly creating a rhythm with his tongue, and her hips squirmed over his mouth. She was making soft mewling noises she didn't recognize, and she reached for his hair, needing to hold onto him, needing something to feel grounded. He brought his hand back to her hip, gave her gentle squeezes where he held onto her, like a silent <em>I got you</em>.</p><p>Suddenly she felt his tongue deeper, not just on her edges, but sinking <em>inside</em>, and she groaned, the pleasure almost unbearable as it rose up from deep within her.</p><p>"James—<em>fuck</em>, James."</p><p>She felt him smile against her, plunge his tongue deeper inside, and her fingers twisted in his hair as a moaning whine she didn't think she'd ever made before escaped her lips.</p><p>Lily rolled her hips gently against his mouth, insatiable for him. She was coming apart at the seams. He pulled back, the sudden absence of his mouth suddenly more torturous than any of his teasing licks had been, and pressed gentle kisses on the inside of her thigh. She arched her head back against the glass pane, whimpered, "Please—<em>James</em>—"</p><p>She swore she could sense him smile, and then he slipped a finger inside her, sending her jerking against his touch, before he returned his mouth to her, pressing his tongue deliberately on that sensitive spot that he usually found with his thumb. Her body's response was immediate, her back arching even more, her fingers tugging harder in his hair, a mixture of <em>James, yes's</em> and <em>oh, fucks </em>tumbling out of her mouth.</p><p>His other hand tightened on her thigh, holding her steady, and he kept up his same pace, giving her delicate but firm strokes against that sensitive spot, like he was mimicking those quick little strokes she liked with his tongue. Pressure was building from a point deep within her, frantic noises escaping her mouth, and her fingers raked against his scalp, pushing and pulling, wanting his tongue deeper.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, James—I'm so close—J—<em>please</em>—make me <em>come</em>."</p><p>It was like he had been waiting for her to tell him. He squeezed where he still held onto her thigh, removing his finger to grip her other hip, holding her even steadier, and then she felt him tilt his head underneath her, felt the delicious sensation of him slanting his mouth over her, his lips and tongue pressing and swirling against her opening like he was making out with her mouth, somehow hitting that sensitive spot with his tongue over and over again, drawing her closer and closer to the edge.</p><p>Lily squirmed against his hold on her, feeling herself starting to spiral out of control, as she pulled frantically at his hair, her legs trembling as his tongue darted more insistently now, her mouth spewing a hissing stream of babbling nonsense as every darting lick, every lap of his tongue just so, seemed to bring her infinitesimally closer to the end.</p><p>"<em>James</em>—gods—<em>fuck</em>—I'm close—oh, there—<em>there</em>—J, fuck—don't stop—I'm—<em>J</em>—<em>don't stop</em>—J, yes—<em>yes</em>—James—"</p><p>The next lap of his tongue sent a sound so raw bursting from her throat that Lily was amazed it came from her. But James was squeezing where he held firmly onto her, licking her with that focused precision, and her eyes were already closed but now they were scrunching, and he did that exact lick, that exact pressure, again and again and again and then all of a sudden she was gone, she was inside out, she was nothing but slippery tissue and open nerves and she was shattering, she was bursting, she was twitching and spasming and gasping and breaking and his tongue was still <em>licking</em> again and again and <em>again</em> and the pleasure ripped through her body like pain, and she couldn't bear it but she also didn't want it to stop and it seemed like forever and also like only a second until the waves were subsiding, the cool glass and heavy rainfall at her back reminding her where she was, and James was blowing warm air against her softly, dotting her with gentle kisses, and her eyes dazedly opened and every drop of blood in her body turned to ice.</p><p>Because across the greenhouse, staring right at them, wand raised, was Severus Snape.</p><p>"James." Her voice was strangled, her throat dry. He froze, and it was only because she knew that he was assuming it was a teacher that she so quickly whispered, "Snape."</p><p>Vaguely, she registered that she had never called him that out loud before. He had always been Sev, as long as she'd known him. But as her brain caught up to her body, she realized that something had fundamentally changed between them, something even beyond his betrayal of selling her out, something she couldn't name but could feel, deep in her bones. She felt sick.</p><p>He was staring at her with dark eyes, blinking furiously, a strange, twisted look on his hollow features, and he held his robes tightly around him with one arm, his other trembling as it held his wand.</p><p>Her stomach twisted. How long had he been there? She had had her eyes closed the entire time, adrift in a sea of pleasure with the sound of rain at her back and James's mouth on her sex, oblivious to everything else as soon as James had dropped to his knees. Had Snape <em>seen</em> her? Her skirt had been partially up because she'd been grasping at James's hair. Had he <em>watched</em> her while she came all over James's <em>face</em>?</p><p>James. When she'd told him it was Snape, she'd fleeting thought he would whip around and attack, but he was doing no such thing. It was almost worse. It was <em>scarier</em>.</p><p>As soon as Snape's name left her lips, James had gone still, and now he was pulling back from her slowly, smoothing her skirt down to cover her and leaving a last lingering kiss on the inside of her thigh before he reached for his glasses and his wand where he'd left them on the ground, pushed his glasses onto his face, and got to his feet. He turned slightly, enough that Lily could see the primal glint in his eye, could see his whole mouth and chin still wet with <em>her</em>, and as James and Snape stared at each other, James did something so savage, so unexpected, it almost made her stomach turn. With one long sweep of his tongue, looking like a panther that had just devoured its meal, he licked his lips, then raised his left hand to wipe the lingering drips of her from his chin before licking those drops from his fingers.</p><p>For a moment, she thought Snape might be sick, and maybe he almost was, because from the way he was looking at James just then, Lily couldn't think why else he hadn't tried to kill James on the spot.</p><p>James's voice was colder than she'd ever heard it. "Like watching that, Snivellus? Hmm? Ever had a girl let you do that?"</p><p>Snape slung a curse at James, and he parried it with ease, like he had expected it.</p><p>"Didn't think so. Don't know who'd want to be touching greasy hair like that with your slimy face in their—"</p><p>"AARGH!" Snape launched himself at James slinging hex after jinx his way, barreling toward the both of them.</p><p>James split off from Lily, matching Snape spell for spell, holding him off like it was easy, and Lily picked up her wand, circling around to the side with it drawn, her arm trembling with adrenaline, though the two of them were moving so fast that she was hesitant to insert herself.</p><p>Snape's voice was thick with emotion as he shouted, "You don't <em>deserve</em> her!"</p><p>James laughed, something maniacal. "And you <em>do</em>, eh? The one who tries to sell her out? The one who dumps bloody mud all over her? The one whose friends want her <em>killed</em>?"</p><p>Snape grunted and flung another curse at James, but James had already ducked, and the curse exploded a massive potted tree in the corner instead.</p><p>There was a flurry of spells, and Lily ducked out of the way with a yelp, taking cover under a worktable just as a stack of pots on a cart next to her went crashing down, and then just as suddenly there was silence. She peeked over the table, saw James with his wand digging into Snape's throat as he held onto Snape by a fistful of robes at his neck. Snape didn't have his wand; Lily spotted it several feet away from them, and she rushed to retrieve it, to reassure herself it was safe from Snape's grasp, before she came around to stand behind James.</p><p>He was berating Snape in a low, gravelly voice that she usually heard under very different circumstances but that had now lost all trace of its warmth.</p><p>"How <em>dare</em> you watch her? You betray her <em>trust</em>, her <em>respect</em>, her <em>friendship</em>, and now you want to betray her <em>privacy</em>, too? All for what, so you can come in your pants? How'd it feel, Sniv? Huh? Yeah, I saw your jeans, you slimy git. Were you touching yourself, too?"</p><p>Lily gasped as she comprehended what James meant, and Snape's eyes flitted to hers beyond James's shoulder. His face twisted in emotion, something like simultaneous shame and hatred, and for a moment she swore his eyes welled with tears.</p><p>James noticed, and his grip at Snape's neck tightened. "Eyes on me, Sniv. You don't get to watch her. Not after violating her like that. And you know what else? You don't get to <em>think</em> about her, about what you just saw, <em>ever</em>. <em>Especially</em> not when you're wanking your slimy little prick."</p><p>James gave Snape an extra little shove, making Snape's eyes pop. "And you know what's gonna happen? If you do try and think about her? You're gonna think about <em>me</em>. On my fucking <em>knees</em>, giving her what you <em>never</em> wi—"</p><p>Snape spat in his face, and James turned just fast enough to catch it on his cheek.</p><p>"Enough." Lily heard her voice like it was from someone else, heard it slice through the air, eerily flat. She stepped up beside James, and Snape was suddenly franticly trying to avoid her eye, squirming under James's grasp.</p><p>"Look at me, Sev."</p><p>He wouldn't.</p><p>Lily reached out and grabbed his face, her stomach recoiling at the feel of his oily skin, but she was determined to force his eyes on hers as she said, "If you can watch me come while James is down on me, you can look me in the eye when I talk to you."</p><p>His eyes swam, and Lily's voice shook but she pressed on, saying, "You're going to call off the tail on me. You're going to <em>convince</em> Dolohov and Flint that you have enough <em>fucking</em> intel for whatever the <em>fuck</em> you're trying to plan, and you're <em>all</em> going to stop following me. And if I see so much as a <em>single </em>Slytherin looking suspicious around me, I will <em>tell</em>, Sev."</p><p>He protested against her hand, his hiss muffled. "You <em>wouldn't</em>."</p><p>"No? That's what you said last time, too, and look what's happened."</p><p>Snape's eyes darted between Lily and James, the disgust plain on his face. Lily wasn't sure what exactly was emboldening her, whether it was McGonagall already finding out she had a sexual relationship with James, or having done her first detention, or the gravity of Remus's hardship putting life into perspective differently, or realizing that she was falling in love. Or maybe all of that combined. But whatever the reason, Lily suddenly didn't care one lick if the student body, or even Dumbledore for that matter, knew James Potter had gotten down on his knees and performed oral sex on her in a greenhouse. (She might blush a bit if Euphie knew, but as she'd already been told about the library, well…she didn't think James's mum would be<em> that</em> surprised.)</p><p>"I <em>don't care</em>, Sev. So <em>what</em> if people hear James ate me out in a greenhouse? Merlin, they'd fucking <em>love</em> it. What they'd care about <em>more </em>is <em>you</em> jacking off <em>watching</em> when we didn't know you were <em>there</em>."</p><p>Snape's eyes had welled again at that, and he struggled uselessly against James's strength.</p><p>Lily sighed. "Put him down, James."</p><p>To her surprise, he did as instructed without question, releasing his grip on Snape's robes, though he kept his wand at Snape's neck.</p><p>"Do we have terms?"</p><p>Snape met her eye fleetingly as he gave a single, brisk nod.</p><p>Lily wordlessly handed him his wand back, and without a backward glance at either of them, Snape fled.</p><p>As soon as she heard the slam of the door, Lily sunk to the ground on the spot, wrapping arms around her knees, dissolving into tears. It was like that grief, that pain from after their duel, all afresh. She knew that blackmail was the only way to get the Slytherins off her back, but was it twisted of her not to fault him, not really, for watching? Or even for climaxing while he did? She knew all too well what it was like to walk in on something, be frozen to the spot. She had also long suspected Severus had a crush on her in his own way, and she definitely knew how easily boys could come off, especially when they were inexperienced, as she suspected Severus was. No, it wasn't this act alone that had sliced her to her core—it was the knowledge of <em>why</em> he was there: to tail her, as part of some dark scheme the Slytherins were plotting. To <em>sell</em> her.</p><p>James slumped down on the ground next to her, rubbed a hand gently over her back. They sat in silence for awhile, and then James broke it by mumbling, "He had to have seen the whole thing, just fucking <em>watched</em> and <em>listened</em> like a slimy fucking—"</p><p>"I saw you."</p><p>The words had tumbled out, the guilt and shame and hypocrisy she felt overwhelming. She pulled her face from her knees to look at him, saw his brow furrowed in confusion.</p><p>"I don't follow."</p><p>Lily took a shaky breath. "Last year. I was doing rounds. I…heard you. With Adelaide. In a Transfiguration classroom."</p><p>She saw the dawning comprehension in his eyes. He remembered the time she was talking about. Her stomach churned.</p><p>She stared at the floor as she talked. "I—I just couldn't move. I don't know why, I can't explain it. I just—I stayed. And I heard you both finish. And the door was open, and I peeked through, and I saw you, still—" She bit her lip, feeling tears starting to well up. Her voice was choked, but she kept going. "I saw you snogging, I saw you pull out of her, I saw you pick up your shirt. And then I was about to leave when she said she wanted to talk to you, and I—I listened. For awhile."</p><p>James didn't say anything, and Lily eventually looked at him, found him watching her with a thoughtful expression on his face. Then, "That was the night I told her I wasn't going to ask her to be my girlfriend."</p><p>Lily nodded. "Yeah, it was."</p><p>"You heard that?"</p><p>She swallowed hard. "Yeah."</p><p>He was frowning. "Was there something…else?"</p><p>Lily looked back at the ground, her voice thick. "You said…you said I was <em>fucking stuck up</em> and that you were over me, and—you just sounded like you…<em>hated</em> me."</p><p>"Didn't you…hate me back?"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "Not then. Not yet."</p><p>Her words hung in the air until she pivoted back to how they'd gotten on that subject in the first place, her guilt rising, the need to get the words off her chest threatening to overwhelm her. "It's no different than what Sev did. The difference is <em>why</em> he was here in the first place. But watching? Eavesdropping? Fuck, if that's slimy and whatever else you were about to say, then that describes me too. Because I <em>stayed</em>, James."</p><p>"But you didn't—"</p><p>Lily rounded on him. "What? Come in my pants? Only because girls don't work that way."</p><p>He opened and closed his mouth, the space between his brows wrinkling. "You were—"</p><p>"Turned on for you? <em>Merlin</em>, yes. You came back for sixth year and you were the hottest thing I'd ever fucking <em>seen</em>. And I kept waiting for things to go back to normal between you and me, like it was before that row by the lake, when we kinda got along some of the time, but maybe better, because maybe you'd be less annoying than before. Except you—well."</p><p>"Except I what?"</p><p>Lily shrugged. "You ignored me. From the start. You started parading Adelaide around. And then I realized when I eavesdropped that you were over me and thought I was stuck up and basically hated me, so I decided to hate you back."</p><p>James's jaw went slack. "<em>That's</em> why you—because you <em>thought</em>—"</p><p>"Well I didn't <em>make it up</em>, I heard you <em>say</em> it."</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>." James was grabbing her face, pulling her eyes to his. "I was lying through my fucking <em>teeth</em> that night. I wasn't <em>over </em>you. I was trying with <em>everything I had</em> to <em>get</em> over you because I thought <em>you</em> hated <em>me</em>. Fuck, I imagined that you were her <em>constantly</em> when I was shagging her. And I <em>know</em> I did that night you saw us, because we'd <em>had</em> Transfiguration that day and I'd watched you in class and I couldn't stop thinking about you."</p><p>Lily could only stare at him, dumbfounded.</p><p>"Ladie had it fucking right. Shit, Evans, you could have walked into that room when I was shagging her and told me that you liked me, and I would have left her high and dry for you in a <em>second</em>."</p><p>Her mind raced to process all of this. James hadn't really hated her when he'd bashed her to Adelaide? So Lily had determinedly set in to hating James based on the false belief that he'd already hated her when he didn't? And then James had reacted to Lily hating him by trying to hate her and get over her even more fervently than before? And so they'd spent a year dwelling on all there was not to like about each other, hating each other, not speaking to each other, for really no reason other than they thought the other person had done it first?</p><p>She thought James was reaching the same conclusions by the way he was softly shaking his head as he looked at her. "<em>Fuck</em>, Lily. Fuck, come <em>here</em>."</p><p>Lily let him pull her into his arms, leaving them in some strange seated contortion on the floor with her face heavy against her chest and his cheek against her hair.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>They sat holding each other for awhile, and eventually James murmured into her hair, "I don't care that you saw. I wish you hadn't heard me say that, but I don't care that you stayed, Lily. I mean it."</p><p>She pulled her face from his chest, lifted an arm to wipe her nose. "Then you can't care about Sev—"</p><p>"Of <em>course</em> I can—"</p><p>"But it's the same—"</p><p>"No—"</p><p>"<em>James</em>." Lily's eyes bored into his, eerily dark in the shadowy greenhouse. "You can hate him for tailing me and spying on me, but you can't hate him for liking me. Okay?"</p><p>He chewed his cheek; he knew she had a point, but he hated—<em>hated</em>—that Snape had just watched them—watched <em>her</em>—like that.</p><p>With a sigh, he reluctantly agreed, not wanting to fight Lily about Snape, especially not after she'd opened up to him like that.</p><p>He looked around them, took in the ceramic carnage. "Should we try to clean up a bit?"</p><p>Lily nodded and hurried to her feet, seeming grateful for something to do, and between the two of them, they managed to have everything restored and back on their shelves. By that point, it became clear that the storm was only going to keep raging on, and so they put their cloaks on, grabbed the jar of knotgrass that had miraculously survived the whole ordeal, and made a break for it back to the castle.</p><p>James's mind raced the whole time over Lily's confession. She had fancied him far sooner than he'd ever imagined she did. Merlin, he had been such an <em>idiot</em>. He had been so focused on getting over her, had hyped himself up on his anger and resentment and bitterness so well before going back to school last year that he hadn't even spared a thought to try to act normal with her, to test the waters. Had he done that, Adelaide might never have happened. <em>Dahlia</em> might never have happened. Because he might have talked to her, or tugged her braid, or joked with her, and found that she might have—just maybe—flirted with him back. That's all it would have taken for him for him to commit to wooing Lily Evans, full stop. But he hadn't given them that chance.</p><p>They trudged most of the way to Gryffindor Tower in silence, focused on applying steam charms to their clothes to speed up the drying process as they walked, and James was surprised to find the common room empty. Though, as another clap of thunder rattled the window and the rain driving at the pane sounded like rocks being continually hurled at it, James imagined it hadn't been a very enjoyable place to be that evening.</p><p>Lily still seemed out of sorts. She was quiet, like she didn't want to talk about it, but the way she hesitated at the staircases told him she also didn't want to leave. James reached out to hold her arm, and asked softly, "Stay with me?"</p><p>Her eyes darted between his. "You don't—mind?"</p><p>James smiled at her. "Lily, what do you think I'm going to say?"</p><p>He got a real smile out of her at that, a fluttery feeling swooping through his stomach, and he slid his hand up to the back of her neck as they made their way up the staircase and to his dorm.</p><p>The other three already had their bed curtains drawn, though the only snores were coming from Peter's, which made him suspicious that the other two were either lying awake or had silencing charms up, but he didn't voice any of that to Lily. While she was in the lavatory, he charmed another t-shirt for her, as she still had his other one, and he found he rather liked the idea of her keeping some of his clothes. When she emerged, her hair brushed out from its plait and her face scrubbed, he handed her the shirt with a kiss to her head, and then went to freshen up himself.</p><p>He slid into bed with her, casting a quick silencing charm just in case, though he expected they would just fall asleep. He found he rather liked that too, just having her there, her body warm and comforting against his. But the storm raged outside, thunder booming and lightning crackling and rain slamming against the window, and it quickly became apparent that sleep would elude him. Lily shivered, and James could tell she was also still very much awake by how she breathed.</p><p>"Hey," he said quietly. "You okay?"</p><p>She rolled over to face him. "Just can't sleep."</p><p>"Me either."</p><p>"And I can't stop thinking about the greenhouse."</p><p>"Me either." He grinned cheekily. "Well, maybe a different part than you."</p><p>She shoved him playfully, but then her tone was serious when she asked, "Do you think we…messed up?"</p><p>He slipped his hand under her shirt, finding the curve of her waist. "What d'you mean?"</p><p>"I mean…this. Us. Could we have…done this…started this…last year?"</p><p>James bent to nuzzle around her face. "Worried about missing time with me, Evans?"</p><p>He could tell she was blushing by the soft little smile she had, but she didn't say anything.</p><p>"I don't know if we could have," he said truthfully. "We were different then."</p><p>Or at least he certainly had been. Would he have been ready for her, really <em>ready</em>, like he was now, a year ago? Before he'd gone through the drama with Adelaide or had his relationship with Dahlia? If he was being honest, he wasn't sure.</p><p>Lily seemed to accept his answer. "Yeah, we were."</p><p>"But now"—James leaned down toward her mouth—"we can make up for lost time."</p><p>Lily smiled as he kissed her, and she rolled onto her back for him, sliding fingers up his neck and into his hair as he leaned over her. That familiar swooping sensation spread through his body as he kissed her, familiar disbelieving thoughts swirling through his head. Lily Evans was in his <em>bed</em>. Lily Evans had let him go down on her. Lily Evans had feelings for him. Lily Evans was on the road to becoming his girlfriend. <em>Lily Evans</em>.</p><p>He slid hands up her sides, pushing his t-shirt over her breasts and then over her head, and then he reached back a hand to pull off his own, smiling as he saw Lily admiring him. That would <em>never</em> get old. They made quick work of pulling off knickers and shorts, leaving those articles to get buried somewhere in the blankets, and then James laid down next to her, pulling the blankets up to their shoulders to ward off the room's chill, the rain still an intense melody against the window. Lily shivered, her skin covered in goosebumps, and James ran his hand over her, giving her his body heat as his mouth rejoined hers. He pulled her against him, and soon, they were deep in a lingering kiss, her skin soft under his hands and against where he pressed into her stomach.</p><p>Lily's hand reached down first, grasping him and giving him light squeezes as they rocked together while they kissed, and then James followed, reaching between her legs, and she rolled slightly onto her back so her legs could fall open for him. They touched each other with gentle fingers, like they wanted to get each other close but also wanted to go slow, and they made out while they did, something that normally didn't happen when he had her desperately against a desk or a tree. James had no sense of time, no urgency; there was only Lily, and her soft skin, and her warm mouth, and their hands on each other. But then eventually Lily was arching, the press of her hips against his hand more insistent, and James knew what she wanted, was just as ready. He slid his hand away and she followed suit, sliding her hands over his back as he rolled on top of her and slowly slid inside.</p><p>It was sex like James had never had it before. His arms bracketed her head, his hands on her hair, and they traded languid, tonguey kisses as he ground his pelvis against hers, moving against her in a slow slide, the storm on the other side of the window loud enough to mask their quiet sounds even if he hadn't cast a silencing charm around his four-poster.</p><p>At the next break of their kiss, Lily whispered, "Pillow—will you?"</p><p>Wordlessly, he grabbed the other pillow, folding it with one hand, and then pulled his hips up so he could settle it underneath her before rejoining her.</p><p>Her breathy moan was immediate in his ear, her fingers winding tighter in his hair as her knees drew up around him, and James responded in kind. This angle was <em>everything</em>. He could feel himself reaching deeper, knew he was keeping pressure on her right where she needed it by how she contracted around him.</p><p>"Lily, <em>fuck</em>. You feel <em>incredible</em>."</p><p>She gasped softly, pulling his face back down to hers. "So do you, James."</p><p>They were building in earnest now; he could tell from how she squirmed against him, her hips seeking that extra friction, and he felt his own pressure rising with each long, slow stroke. He sucked on her lip, ran his tongue along the edge of her teeth, felt her fingers pressing harder into his back.</p><p>"<em>James</em>. Fuck, I'm close, but I don't want to this to stop."</p><p>He smiled as he nuzzled her nose. "Me too."</p><p>They drew it out as long as they could, the storm raging on in the background. But then Lily started trembling, her climax peaking, and he watched her face, memorized the shape of her lips as she breathed his name, focused on hitting the spot he knew she needed, and he saw her face scrunch just before he felt her pressure break, felt those wild spasms contracting around him, pulling at him, and he wasn't long for it then. He kept going in that sensual rhythm they'd created, kept listening to those breathy <em>Oh's</em> and <em>James, yes's</em> and he murmured back his own <em>Lily's</em> and <em>baby's</em> and his eyes found hers as he started to go over the edge, and she was <em>smiling</em> at him, her hands pressing into the small of his back, pulling him closer, more soft gasps escaping her as she breathed, "Oh, I feel you—<em>James</em>," and he kept thrusting softly into her as he came, let his climax work across his face, knowing she was watching, and when he was done he swallowed hard, licked his lips, tried to catch his breath, wondered if he should tell her he wanted to do that for the rest of his life.</p><p>He didn't, but only because just then she lifted her head to his, stroking his face with her hands, and gave him a heady kiss that pushed all other thought from his mind.</p><p>She was breathless all over again as they pulled apart. "James, that was—"</p><p>The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. "What?"</p><p>She blushed, biting her lip.</p><p>"Come on," he prodded gently. "What were you gonna say?"</p><p>Her eyes darted between his. "It was…romantic. With the storm, and—just all of it."</p><p>His insides softened; he suddenly felt very warm. He had been told by girls that he was many things—handsome, sexy, charming, intense, fun, energetic—but romantic had never been one of them. Because he never had been. He had never deliberately tried to romance a girl; never given flowers, never gone on a proper date. He had flirted plenty, but always with a playful, mostly sexual undertone—he'd never said sweet nothings just to be sweet, never dished out compliments just because he wanted to. And he'd never been cuddly with a girl before, never wanted to hold a girl just to hold her, never held hands. And he'd definitely never—<em>made love</em> to a girl? Is that what he had just done?</p><p>But with Lily, he wanted to do all of those things. He wanted to be the bloke that could just hug her and make her feel better, could walk down the corridor holding her hand, could take her to dinner and walk her home and kiss her goodnight, could give her flowers and leave her notes and tell her every day, all the time, that she was beautiful, and incredible, and wonderful, because she was. And she turned him into a complete sap.</p><p>Lily gave him a soft smile. "It felt…special."</p><p>James pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, his voice a little thick, a little gravelly, as he told her quietly, "Because you are special to me, Lil."</p><p>She smiled wider at that. Did he tell her? Did he say what he'd already drunkenly said?</p><p>Her voice was tentative, like she was choosing her words carefully. "I think…we might have something special."</p><p>He nuzzled her nose. "Yeah, I think so too."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>James spent Thursday morning in a daze, working harder at not getting distracted by Lily in the row in front of him than he was at the Transfiguration work he was supposed to be practicing with Sirius in class. Instead of her usual plait, she had left her hair down, and the curls and waves seems tousled and natural in a way that he hadn't seen on her before. Just then, she ran her fingers through her hair, lingering a moment at the top of her scalp before she let go, releasing several locks—long, thick, wine-red and, James knew now, deliciously smooth—to cascade around her back.</p><p>He clenched his jaw tightly. Why did he have the feeling she was working him up? And after <em>last night</em>, of all nights? Lily never wore her hair down to class, had never been one of those girls that got all dolled up just for school every morning. It was one of the reasons he had always been so attracted to her. Without any makeup, she had a richness about her, so much fiery energy that it practically illuminated her from the inside. Her skin was milky pale, revealing only a few faint freckles along her cheeks, but her eyes, her lips, her hair—they were such vibrant, jeweled colors, her eyes as deeply green as her hair was red, her lips always a rosy pink. Her beauty was so <em>raw</em>. It had sucked him in years ago, and now that he had touched those cheeks, kissed those lips—</p><p>"Prongs, you're making it rain confetti."</p><p>James pulled his eyes from Lily as if in slow motion, turning back to Sirius.</p><p>"And you're supposed to be turning my arms into tree branches."</p><p>A knowing smirk played at Sirius' mouth, and his voice dropped as he said, "Reliving your night, Prongsie?"</p><p>James rolled his eyes. "Do you really want me to answer that, Pads?"</p><p>Sirius laughed, his head tilting back, but then he yelped as James' spell hit him and his arms morphed into thick branches, sticking straight out from his sides and sprouting smaller branches with leaves at the end, where his fingers should have been.</p><p>"Oh, excellent!" Professor McGonagall swept over to them, her hands clasped together. "Well <em>done</em>, Potter, you even got the tree bark, most people forget about that. Take ten points."</p><p>"Well, Professor," Sirius said, "as it's my bark we're talking about here, shouldn't I get some points too, for how good it looks?"</p><p>McGonagall was not amused by that, but Lily and Mary both turned, snickering, to watch the tail-end of the exchange. James caught Lily's eye, his mind immediately going to the night before and the vision of her underneath him, thinking for at least the millionth time that he didn't think he had ever done anything as remotely erotic as fuck long and slow during a raging thunderstorm, and maybe Lily was thinking the same, and maybe they had been staring at each other longer than he'd thought, because Mary suddenly yanked Lily's arm and hissed, "<em>Honestly</em>, you two, get a <em>fucking</em> grip already."</p><p>It was easier said than done, especially when Lily was in prime viewing position during Charms, her hair tumbling down over her chest, reminding him of those perfect breasts hidden away that he had licked and sucked, and also when she then sat across from him at lunch, the movement of stepping over the bench causing her skirt to flounce up and flash the pale skin of her thigh, which he had just kissed at length last night before he kissed and licked another part of her body at length that had sent her trembling and climaxing over his mouth.</p><p>Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, James felt beyond grateful that Past James had charmed all his school trousers to hide evidence of an erection, because he was pretty sure he'd had one on-and-off all morning, and almost all through lunch.</p><p>It was getting distinctly uncomfortable, and as they all walked into Dearborn's classroom and he got a whiff of her shampoo as she passed by, he belatedly thought he should have snuck away to take care of himself.</p><p>Oh well, too late now. He'd have to suffer through one more class, and then maybe, if he were lucky, he'd get Lily alone in their office and they'd take care of each other.</p><p>The class crowded around Dearborn's enchanted bowl, watching with eager anticipation as the first slip of parchment flew out with a crackling spark and Dearborn caught it.</p><p>"James Potter, back in the ring, if you please."</p><p>James pushed up his sleeves, already rolled from class that morning, and smiled down his row of friends before stepping into the blue-flamed circle. Thank Merlin, a distraction from this raging hard-on.</p><p>Another piece of parchment shot into the air, then Dearborn's soft voice: "Lily Evans."</p><p>James's stomach immediately dropped through the floor, and he swallowed hard as Lily stepped into the circle across from him without looking at him. Faintly, he registered that the catcalls from the Slytherins had already started—intensely—Lily being one of their favorite targets. The blue flames cast an eerie glow on her pale skin, and as she finally turned to face him, her hair swishing over one shoulder, he saw that hard, blazing look in her eye that he usually only saw when they rowed.</p><p>"The duel of the Head Boy and Girl," Dearborn crooned softly. James could feel the tension thick in the air, and his stomach lurched as he remembered that Dearborn had been one of the teachers in the staffroom who had heard about Madam Pince seeing James's hand up Lily's skirt in the library. He thought, from the way Lily blanched just then, that she had recalled the same thing.</p><p>James could feel everyone's eyes on them and wondered what was about to happen along along with everyone else—would he let her win? Would he be too soft for her? Would Lily crack?</p><p>James breathed hard as Dearborn said, "Bow, please."</p><p>Had they really just been standing there staring at each other like that? James bowed, seeing Lily do the same, neither of them taking their eyes from each other. But then, before he expected it, Lily had straightened and hurled a jinx at him, which he only narrowly parried. He shot one silently back, which she deflected. They paced for a moment, taking the measure of each other, reading each other. He thought Lily looked…<em>angry</em>.</p><p>Distantly, James knew their classmates were saying things, but he wasn't registering what they were. Lily broke their stalemate, slinging a hex at him, which he dodged. He knew he was being reluctant, but, as lame as it sounded, he didn't want to hurt her.</p><p>Dolohov's voice penetrated James's awareness from the crowd: "Whatsa matter, Potter, your girlfriend too breakable?"</p><p>Lily's eyes flashed, her voice cutting through the room as she volleyed spells at James.</p><p>"I'm—<em>not—</em>his—<em>fucking—</em>girlfriend!"</p><p>He didn't even have time to feel hurt; white hot anger surged through James as he parried each one, his stomach twisting as he inevitably, uncontrollably, rose to meet her temper. She could be the most insufferable, stuck up, hot and bloody cold <em>brat</em> he had ever laid eyes on. But if that's how she wanted to play it, fine.</p><p>He lunged, hurling his own hexes at her, and they were spinning, dodging, panting, the spells flashing from their wands so fast it looked like fireworks were going off between them. Fucking ironic.</p><p>Lily tried to feint him but he caught her, met her real spell with a shield, and he called, "Can't fake it for me, Evans."</p><p>She shot another hex at him, and they volleyed as they shouted at each other.</p><p>"Oh, <em>fuck</em> you, Potter—"</p><p>"You can if you want—"</p><p>"I fucking—<em>hate you</em> sometimes—"</p><p>"Back—at you, Evans—"</p><p>Her jet of flames singed a hole in his shirt and left a burn across his left arm, and James immediately returned her fire, hitting her just above her knee. She cried out as the burn ripped over her skin, her leg buckling, and a stab went through his gut as he heard it, so similar to how she cried out when she—but then she was up, recovered, flinging another jinx his way that he only narrowly dodged.</p><p>"You'll have to—do better—than that, Potter—"</p><p>He smiled. "You do—like—precision—"</p><p>The shock flashed across her face as his stinging hex hit her square in the shoulder, burning a hole through her shirt, but then she was whirling away, sending an underhanded stinging hex back that ripped across his right arm this time. James growled and parried her sudden barrage of spells, taunting her, "Get it, Evans."</p><p>Her expression was <em>murderous</em>, but nothing could have prepared James for what came out of her mouth just then. "Don't mind if I—finish <em>first</em>—"</p><p>And she sent a massive jet of water at him that he only barely stopped with his shield, and it took almost all of his strength to deflect it upward, ever so slowly, as she tried to push it past his shield to knock him over. They locked in sort of stalemate, sending water spewing through the air, spraying them both.</p><p>"If you want to keep getting wet, you know I can hold this angle all day."</p><p>She pushed back harder, her face red, though whether it was from the innuendo or effort, he couldn't tell.</p><p>"You wish, Potter."</p><p>"Evans, we both know I'm stronger than you."</p><p>"Who says I can't last longer?"</p><p>Oh, she did <em>not</em>—</p><p>A shimmering barrier suddenly shot up between them, breaking the connection between their spells and sending the water breaking over them like a wave, drenching them both.</p><p>Dearborn walked into the circle, his hands raised as he looked back and forth between James and Lily, motioning for them to lower their wands, and he and Lily immediately dropped their hands to their knees, breathing hard.</p><p>"That was the bell," he said quietly. "Class dismissed."</p><p>James heard movement of the class behind him, but he stayed bent over, still catching his breath. Once he thought everyone had filed out behind him, leaving just him, Lily, and Dearborn, he pulled himself up slowly, hands on his hips, as he looked at her. She was still bent over, gasping in air, soaking wet from being hit with the wave. Her hair fell dripping over her shoulder, and her white button-down shirt was plastered to her skin. James swallowed hard, knowing he needed to stop drinking her in but unable to pull his eyes away.</p><p>Dearborn's voice did the trick, drawing James' attention.</p><p>"Sir?"</p><p>He thought he saw the faintest of smiles flicker knowingly over Dearborn's mouth.</p><p>"I said, that was an impressive performance by both of you."</p><p>Lily pulled herself upright, her hands on her hips in a mirror of James.</p><p>Dearborn turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, you showed great agility and creativity today."</p><p>She nodded, still slightly winded. "Thank you, sir."</p><p>Dearborn then looked between them as he said quietly, "Though I caution you both about using your—<em>emotions</em>—as fuel. It can make even the most talented witch or wizard <em>sloppy.</em> Your goal should be to get to the level of dueling like you did today from a place of emotional <em>control</em>. Understood?"</p><p>James sensed the admonishment in his tone, but secretly thought that was rather rich, given that real-life dueling happened with enemies, not the person you were semi-dating. Still, he nodded, and so did Lily.</p><p>"Very well. You are well matched."</p><p>James met Lily's gaze as Dearborn spoke and saw her flush; his own stomach turned, his mind immediately going to the double-entendre of Dearborn's words, though he couldn't tell if Dearborn had meant it that way. James turned to look at him, to see if he could read his face, but Dearborn hadn't lingered; as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he swept back toward his office, leaving the blue flames simmering in the circle around them.</p><p>James watched him go, and once he was out of earshot, James turned back to Lily, her eyes still blazing at him from only a few paces away. "Our office," he said quietly. "Ten minutes."</p><p>He turned, not trusting himself to be in her presence any longer, and pushed out of the classroom to find the rest of the Gryffindors waiting for them, Sirius holding his bag, his eyes wide.</p><p>"<em>Damn</em>, Prongs."</p><p>Remus' brow was furrowed. "Is Lily alright?"</p><p>"She's fucking fine," James muttered. He knew he sounded angrier than he felt, but the truth was that he was just too worked up. The adrenaline of the duel, his attraction for Lily, his anger at her ability, with a single <em>sentence</em>, to not only bring out his temper but make it boil over—all of it was coursing through him, his hands trembling with it, like it was searching for a way out.</p><p>Remus's brow stayed furrowed, but now he was focused completely on James.</p><p>"What's going <em>on</em> with you right now, Prongs?"</p><p>Lily appeared behind him and was immediately surrounded by the girls. James couldn't look at her, couldn't hear her voice.</p><p>"Nothing, I need to go to—to—I just need to go."</p><p>His friends were looking at him like he was having a mental break but didn't say anything else. James set off, swinging his bag over his shoulder and calling back, "I'll catch up at dinner, yeah?"</p><p>And he turned the corner, needing to be out of sight of his friends, needing to see Lily alone, needing to somehow figure out how to <em>calm the hell down</em>.</p><p>He reached the Heads' Office and paced up and down the center aisle that divided the two sections of the room, his mind still racing over the duel. He wasn't sure he had ever gotten in such a deep headspace before. Well, he supposed when he was transforming, but that was different—that was calm concentration, becoming his stag. This was—this was the opposite. It was <em>disturbing</em>, how quickly he had sunk into all of that old anger, almost <em>hatred</em>, toward Lily. How he had gone from last night with her, in the greenhouse, in his <em>bed</em>, and then pining after her all morning, to <em>that</em>, a mental place of such…<em>loathing</em>.</p><p>Because he <em>had</em> loathed her in that moment. Bile crept up his throat at the thought. He had loathed how she made him feel, how she could know that he was in love with her, could even maybe be starting to feel that back, and yet spit <em>those</em> words out at him, in <em>public</em>, knowing exactly how he felt, hell, knowing exactly how <em>she</em> felt, after everything they had done, after everything they had <em>said </em>to each other. Had she just been winding him up? Did she change her mind? Was she even going to bloody <em>show up</em>?</p><p>The heavy mahogany door swung open and then slammed with a thud. James whipped around at the sound and saw Lily emerging from the darkened hallway by the door, her hair still wet over her shoulder, her white shirt still soaked to her skin. She dropped her bag and advanced toward him, shaking her head.</p><p>"I <em>hate</em> you sometimes," she said, her face murderous.</p><p>James closed the gap, grabbing her by the neck and kissing her hard. Lily pressed her body against his, her fingernails raking at his scalp. Her shirt was wet and soft under his fingers, and he peeled it up, just high enough that he could press his hand into the small of her back. Her skin felt damp, chilled, and she gasped as he touched her. Then her mouth was back on his, her tongue deep inside, and James groaned, pulling her as tight to him as she could possibly be, reaching under her skirt to cup a round cheek, squeezing so hard he thought his fingerprints might leave bruises. Lily peeled back her chest from where it was pressed flush against his to run her hands down his front, her fingertips dragging like she wanted scratch the whole length of his torso. James's spine tingled, and he kissed her harder, if that was even possible. She was gripping him though his trousers, rubbing her hand against him where he was already (disturbingly, stupidly) ready for her, and then her hands were fumbling at the button, tugging the zipper, and he was yanking her knickers down around her thighs, pushing fingers inside her, hissing as he felt how wet she already was.</p><p>"Turning me down turn you on, Evans?"</p><p>"You're <em>insufferable</em>, Potter."</p><p>He was walking them backwards toward a section of wall near the bookcases behind his desk, one hand in her wet hair as they moved in a strange shuffle, still touching each other.</p><p>Lily was still pushing out words through haphazard kisses. "Do you have—<em>any</em> idea—how fucking <em>hot</em> you look—when you duel?"</p><p>James smirked, dropping his mouth to her neck and giving her a light nip. "I do now."</p><p>She dug her free hand into his hair. "There's no way—no <em>bloody</em> way—I could duel you without—<em>hating</em> you."</p><p>It was beyond twisted, but just then, James understood what she meant. He had only dueled her like he did after his anger switched on; in the beginning, he had hesitated, unable to really go after her.</p><p>"But I still—fucking <em>wanted</em> you—the whole time. The <em>whole time</em>, James."</p><p>Hearing her say his name just then—something usually only reserved for when she was feeling particularly soft and affectionate towards him, but now said amongst all the angst and anger of the past hour—made something inside him snap.</p><p>"Fuck, Lily." He withdrew his hand, pulled her own hand off of him, and bent to pick her up, telling her, "I need to <em>fuck</em> you right now."</p><p>He could hear the smile in her voice as she said, low in his ear, "Get it, James."</p><p>She didn't need to tell him twice. James slammed his hips into her, shagging her hard against the wall, and it was like she <em>knew</em> how deeply her words had cut him, <em>knew </em>that he needed to exorcise all the aggression and anger and pain that had come rushing back up to the surface, because she braced the back of her arms on his shoulders, her fingers wrapped tight in his hair, and breathed a mixture of throaty gasps and low words in his ear.</p><p>"Yes, <em>give</em> it to me—James—fuck, just—<em>lose</em> it, James—I'm sorry I—said it—had to—for the duel—but I <em>want</em> you—need to <em>feel</em> you—come for me—right now—just—get it, J—just <em>come</em>."</p><p>Her permission to fuck her senseless only made him want her more, and for the first time, he chased his own pleasure wildly without any thought for hers, burying his face in her neck as he pounded into her, something fast, and mumbled his own nonsensical stream of, "Fuck—Lil, baby—I'm close—<em>fuck</em>—<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>His thrusts were frenzied, fast, a stark contrast to Lily's voice, low and soothing in his ear, murmuring, "Explode—come on, babe—"</p><p>James saw stars. He felt out of his body, not recognizing the strangled groan that rang through the room just then, barely feeling how her legs tightened around him as he pinned her flush against the wall with his body, hardly noticing how incredible it felt to push deep inside her as he came. His head spun amongst all the blood thundering in his ears. <em>Babe</em>. She had called him babe. She'd never called him that.</p><p>He stayed like that only a moment as he came back to himself, the light scratch of her fingertips on his neck pulling him back to the present, and then he released his grip on her, set her down, and immediately reached under her skirt.</p><p>Her eyes widened in surprise. "James, you don't—"</p><p>"Yes," he cut over her, "I do—because I want to."</p><p>She was drenched in his release, and just knowing that, <em>feeling</em> that, was erotic enough to get him hard again as he found that sensitive spot with his fingers and immediately started giving her those soft and fast strokes she liked. Lily's eyes fluttered closed, and it didn't take long until she was bucking against his hand, her face smushed into his chest, her hands clawing at his shirt, and he sped up his fingers, added swirls of his thumb, relished in those throaty <em>noises</em> she made, those whimpering cries of his name, and then all of a sudden he felt her shudder, held her tighter against him with his free arm, his hand twined in her damp hair, and kept stroking her as her spasms pulled at his fingers, the most delicious, most <em>addicting</em> sensation he'd ever felt.</p><p>"Fuck, <em>Lily</em>—fuck, I love making you come."</p><p>She could only whimper in response, still twitching over him.</p><p>James chuckled. "Little fast there, Evans. Hating me turn you on that much?"</p><p>Lily's voice was muffled against his chest. "Shut <em>up</em>, Potter."</p><p>He gently rubbed her scalp with his fingers and slowly withdrew his hand from her to wrap around her waist, and she peeled her head from his chest to look up at him. Her eyes were blown, her face flushed.</p><p>"What did"—she paused, swallowing hard—"what did we—just do?"</p><p>James shook his head. "I—I don't know."</p><p>His adrenaline was gone, spent, and now that he could think clearly again, the weight of all the emotions that had surged from the past into the present—hurt, rage, hatred—seemed to be suffocating him.</p><p>"Lily, I—I <em>loathed</em> you in there." He leaned against the wall over her head, ran a hand through his hair. "<em>Fuck</em>, I—I felt like it was last year."</p><p>Lily rested her forehead against his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and her voice was quiet when she spoke, nothing like how she'd sounded when she first came into the room. "Me too. And I'm sorry. That I said…that. I really am sorry. It just—came out. I don't <em>care</em> what Dearborn says, and maybe this just makes me bad at Defense, I don't know, but I can't duel <em>you</em> from a place of—what was it? <em>Emotional control</em>? That's just fucking <em>malarkey</em>"—James chuckled—"I don't think I <em>can</em> duel that way. Well, I suppose dueling Garrytt—but that wasn't that hard, I just wanted to win, and I don't have any kind of feelings for him. But I only dueled so well against Snape because I—I <em>hated</em> him in that moment. I had just learned that he had sold me out, and I hadn't dealt with any of those feelings yet, and I wanted to <em>destroy</em> him."</p><p>She peeled her head up and met James's eye. "And it <em>worked</em>. It was like that predator-prey shit Dearborn said in our first class. I got there. But I only got there from being so <em>angry</em>—that's the only way I know <em>how</em> to get there. So the moment my name came out of that stupid bowl today, I knew I had to hate you."</p><p>James nodded. "It was the same for me. I could hardly do anything in the beginning, but then when you said…<em>that</em>, the switch just—flipped."</p><p>Lily's eyes were wide, searching his with a worried look. "I didn't mean it," she said softly. "I mean, I'm technically not, but I—I didn't mean to hurt you. Or anything. I just—in my head, I was focusing so hard on all the reasons I hated you last year."</p><p>James's voice was scratchy. "I know. I—did the same."</p><p>"It's just a temper." He wasn't sure who she was trying to convince more. "We come back down."</p><p>James bit his lip. "It doesn't…freak you out? That <em>that</em> was so…easy?"</p><p>Lily looked almost sad as she said, "Of <em>course</em> it freaked me out, James."</p><p>He pulled her into a hug, holding her tight to his chest as he pressed his lips into her hair, focused on taking long, deep breaths and coming back to the present—<em>here</em>—<em>this</em> Lily—even though new, strange realizations swirled in his mind. Things like understanding what it meant to still care about someone— be in love with someone—even when angry at them. Things like realizing that he and Lily hadn't actually changed all that much as people—what had changed was the dynamic between them. Things like wondering how—if?—he and Lily would survive each other if a combustable temper like that still loomed just around the corner.</p><p>Her voice was muffled in his chest. "Are we okay?"</p><p>He squeezed her tighter, kissed her head. "Yeah, Lil. We're okay."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Promise Me You'll Win For Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>On Tumblr at: missgryffin</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>They didn't have much time to linger because James had to scarf some dinner before practice, and by the time Lily had changed into dryer clothes and went down for dinner herself, the team was already gone. She picked at her food, not having much of an appetite. The more time passed after the duel, the more she calmed down, the more the duel and the office after with James unnerved her. <em>Nagged</em> at her.</p><p>She had been consumed with James since they'd been back at school, and she'd seen incredible sides of him that she'd never before seen, yet it had been <em>that easy</em> to dredge up the prior year's hatred and look right at him across from her in that circle and block out all of her good memories from the past few weeks and only see James Potter, Insufferable Prat #1, Bane of Her Existence Since First Year. She had thought about that scene at the lake fifth year. She had thought about the time she'd seen James and Adelaide hanging out in Hogsmeade sixth year, when the Gryffindors had pushed together a few tables to take over one corner in The Three Broomsticks and Adelaide had forgone a chair in favor of James's lap, touching him and petting him like a Labrador needing attention, which James had appeared not to mind giving. She had thought about Slughorn's Dinner Party, and the anger she'd felt when he'd just squeezed her leg and revealed her secret for anyone clever enough to piece it together. She had thought about how annoyed she'd felt when he'd so thoroughly ignored her for two whole days just earlier that same week, like it was just as easy for <em>him</em> to flip the switch to <em>Lily Evans is a stuck-up brat to whom I do not acknowledge existence</em>.</p><p>And just like that, she'd let all that anger and annoyance and jealousy and just…<em>loathing</em> well up and pour over, and though he looked indescribably sexy dueling her across the circle, her attraction to him just then had felt as primal and detached as when he'd merely been the object of her lusty fantasy after the Quidditch House Cup. And now, another hour removed from the whole situation, all of her now-normal feelings for James having surged back, she felt a strange, twisting feeling crawling through her insides, something uneasy. Guilty. Regretful. Was all of that old drama really still lingering just beneath the surface? Did a part of her still really think those things about him? Had they really changed at all if they could still access that temper, that hatred for each other, at seemingly a moment's notice?</p><p>Her and Remus normally worked on Arithmancy together on Thursday evenings, and after dinner she sat with him in their normal spot in the common room, textbooks open and scraps of parchment spread around, as they painstakingly worked through practice problems. James's note that he'd left in her book was still there, as she now used it as her bookmark, though she kept it folded so no one else would see his handwriting. A pang went straight to her gut every time she looked at it.</p><p>"Lily?"</p><p>Her eyes shot up to Remus, taking in the concerned furrow of his brow, the way his light brown hair was askew from sitting with one hand in it for so long. "Hmm?"</p><p>His voice was quiet, only for her. "You seem…distracted."</p><p>Lily sighed, leaning her elbows on the table and rubbing her eyes. She'd confided too much in Remus by that point to lie to him now, and she begrudgingly knew he'd probably have some nugget of wisdom or other that would help her sort this out.</p><p>"I suppose I am. The duel."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>That about summed it up.</p><p>Lily bit her lip as she looked at her friend. "Erm…that bad?"</p><p>Remus chuckled, his soft brown eyes lighting up in laughter. "Lily. You two were <em>screaming innuendos</em> at each other while also shouting that you <em>hated</em> each other, <em>on top of</em> it being an incredibly intense and fast-paced duel." He shook his head slowly. "I'm not exaggerating when I say I don't know that anyone else in that class could have dueled at that level you two just did. Dearborn's face was…I don't even know. Definitely impressed. But I think everyone was sort of in shock at all the, ah, <em>tension</em>."</p><p>Lily buried her face in her hands. She had been so absorbed in the moment and the aftermath, she hadn't even spared a thought for what they'd <em>looked</em> like. "Do you think people"—she cut off, glancing around them, and then leaned further over the table—"you know…<em>know</em>?"</p><p>Remus arched a brow, his smile far too amused. "Well, of course they don't <em>know</em> anything unless you've told them or they've heard you"—Lily flushed—"but I think everyone else in that room who doesn't already <em>know</em> safely assumed there's <em>something</em> that's gone on between you two that would prompt <em>you</em> to shout you're not his girlfriend and <em>James</em> to shout that you could fuck him if you wanted to."</p><p>Her face burned, and she sat with her face still in her hands for a few moments, only peeling her fingers back when she heard Remus say, more seriously this time, "Why, um, did you? Say that?"</p><p>With a shrug, Lily told him what she'd told James, about how she'd needed to hate him in the ring in order to be able to duel him properly, and, feeling even more stupid during the second retelling, braced herself for a scolding.</p><p>It didn't come. Instead, Remus nodded thoughtfully. "Makes sense."</p><p>"It does?"</p><p>He looked nonplussed. "Yeah. But I thought you knew that already?"</p><p>Lily waved her hand aimlessly. "Maybe? I don't know. I'm more confused. We talked on Tuesday, after you and Sirius left. Like, <em>really</em> talked"—she couldn't hold back the smile spreading over her face—"and if you can believe it, we actually talked about how the next step would <em>be</em> being his girlfriend, when I'm ready for it."</p><p>A genuine smile spread over Remus's face. "I thought he seemed over-the-moon the past couple days."</p><p>"Yes, well. I might have just derailed <em>that</em>."</p><p>Remus leaned forward on his elbows. "Look, Lily. You and James have a history that's…complicated. And that doesn't go away just because you feel differently about each other <em>now</em>."</p><p>Lily felt oddly relieved at hearing him say that, and the thoughts nagging at her suddenly started articulating themselves. "But…I thought he'd changed. I thought <em>we'd</em> changed. And today, it sort of felt like…we just went back in time."</p><p>Remus smiled softly. "Neither of you have really changed, Lily. I think I can say that since I've been friends with both of you through the past year. You just pigeon-holed each other last year, only focused on the bad without wanting to see the good. I still don't get <em>why</em> you both did that, but it's not my business."</p><p>Lily's stomach twisted at how close to home that actually hit; why, indeed? How many times had she forced her thoughts to something negative, determinedly shutting out anything remotely close to attraction, even though it was beyond obvious <em>now</em> that that's what she had been feeling all along?</p><p>Remus looked at her thoughtfully, did his own quick sweep to make sure no one around them was listening, and then said quietly, "D'you know he was the first one to figure out my, shall we say, <em>furry little problem</em>?"</p><p>Lily's eyebrows shot up. "He was?"</p><p>Remus nodded. "Yeah. Really early on, too. And he's the one that started calling it my <em>furry little problem</em> so we'd have a way to talk about it."</p><p>"Wait—I remember that. We all thought you had a secret rabbit for awhile."</p><p>Remus chuckled. "Yeah, exactly." More seriously, he went on, "He's been there for me since day one. And I hope, now that you know more about said furry little problem, you understand the magnitude of that. Even Sirius and Peter were…a little wary at first; they only came around because of <em>James</em>."</p><p>Lily's throat felt tight.</p><p>"I can guess how he took care of you after that Slytherin attack, because he's taken care of me when I've been in some pretty bad states, and he's definitely taken care of Sirius, way more than me or Peter have."</p><p>Lily frowned. "What d'you—"</p><p>But Remus shook his head, saying gently. "It's not really my place, but I'll just say that running away from home, being disowned by his family, and still having to see his brother in school has been a lot harder on Sirius than I think he can admit. And James has been there. The four of us are all like brothers, but those two are especially close."</p><p>Lily nodded slowly, taking in all of this—information which she'd sort of already known peripherally, but that she'd never truly reflected on before.</p><p>Something else jumped out from her memory. "Marly said…she said you two talk about how James and I are alike."</p><p>Remus's eyes twinkled.</p><p>"You really…believe that?"</p><p>He chuckled. "Lily, are you kidding? The only reason people were surprised about James getting Head Boy is because of his detention record. Otherwise, no one questions it being you two. You're both just…leaders. You each have a presence. You get along with everyone, like these social butterflies who are also incredibly smart and talented, and people look up to you. Personally, I've always thought the reason you two butted heads growing up was because you were so much alike. It was like a weird…tug-of-war between you."</p><p>Lily's mouth fell open. Remus considered what he'd said a moment, then added, "Well, that and the fact that James had a really long <em>immature git </em>phase. You always were far more mature than him, but I think he's finally caught up on that front."</p><p>She still didn't know what to say. "I—I guess I've never…thought about that."</p><p>Remus gave her a knowing look. "You're two of the most confident people I've ever met. And I'm not talking about popularity, I mean like, you both know <em>who you are</em>. You don't try to be something you're not, you never have. You do what you think is right, you <em>stand up</em> for what you think is right, you don't put up with bullshit. You're loyal to your friends, you put your friends before yourselves." He gave her a sly smile. "Not to mention, you both can be quite mouthy."</p><p>Lily snorted, giggling despite herself. Her mind was racing, everything Remus was saying somehow making perfect sense as he said it, but—</p><p>"Why didn't we realize this before, then?"</p><p>Remus's smile had a sad tilt. "Who says he didn't?"</p><p>Lily's heart sunk. It must have shown on her face, because Remus studied her a moment before adding, "We were young, so I'm sure he wouldn't have <em>said</em> that he understood all that, but he's fancied you—<em>admired</em> you—for <em>years</em>, Lily. And yeah, he was with other girls, but he never stopped having those feelings for you, even when he tried his hardest to focus on everything bad about you. Which isn't much, by the way. Shit, he doesn't even have to <em>say</em> it, we all <em>know</em> just from living with him this whole time."</p><p>"So why didn't I…" Lily bit her lip, playing with a scrap of parchment in her hands.</p><p>Remus cut over her, like he knew her question. "Does it matter? Like I said, James had a really long immature git phase. Like, <em>really</em> long. He was an incredible friend to <em>me</em>, but I know he was git to other people, I watched it same as you. Fuck, I even <em>participated</em> in some of it, because I was also an immature git, we <em>all</em> were. So it took him longer to deflate his head, and it took you longer to pay attention to his good sides, but so what? You see him differently <em>now</em>, don't you?"</p><p>Lily nodded, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. "Yeah, I—I do. And I…shit, Reme. I admire him <em>back</em>." Lily laughed softly to herself. "I can barely believe I'm saying that out loud, but I—I <em>do</em>, I fucking <em>admire</em> him. He's smart, and clever, and <em>fun</em>, and he makes me laugh, and he can just…take control of a situation, and just <em>handle</em> things, and at the same time, he…<em>listens</em> to me, and actually <em>cares</em>, and he makes me feel…<em>everything</em>, and—"</p><p>She broke off, looking up to see Remus watching her, a cheesy grin on his face. "Almost sounds like you're in love with him, Lil."</p><p>She faltered, her heart suddenly beating fast. "I—I guess I—I'm not sure that I'm…not."</p><p>Remus's eyes widened as he stared at her. Lily looked down to the rolled parchment between her busy fingers.</p><p>When Remus spoke, his voice was gentle, that same friendly tone he'd used the last time he'd talked her through her feelings. "Does James know? How you feel about him?"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "Not in…those words." She forced herself to meet Remus's eye. "Which is why the duel's been bothering me, I think. We sort of…talked after, but I can't tell if what I said still bothers him. He said we're okay, but…I don't know. I can't shake this feeling that we're really not."</p><p>Remus nodded thoughtfully. "No one's perfect, Lily. Merlin knows Marly drives me crazy sometimes, and I'm not the easiest bloke to be with, either. But everything else we feel for each other outweighs being annoyed or hurt sometimes. If you two are falling for each other and want to actually be together, you're going to have to figure out how to deal with the things that kept you apart before. Because I can tell you right now, James can still be an arrogant git when he wants to be. We just talked about it on Tuesday, he acts like a petulant child when his feelings get hurt. And <em>you</em> can still be uppity and self-righteous, don't even try to deny it"—Lily rolled her eyes—"and I can say that because I'm your friend and I'm trying to help you."</p><p>Lily chewed her cheek, knowing Remus was right.</p><p>"So…what do I do?"</p><p>He smiled at her. "First, you sleep on it. Maybe not being okay is really all in your head and you'll both be over it tomorrow. We'll reassess after Arithmancy, yeah?"</p><p>Lily let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Yeah. Okay."</p><p>"Okay?"</p><p>She nodded again, smiling at him. "Okay, really. We'll sleep on it, reassess tomorrow. Now, where did we leave off in these problems?"</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>As it turned out, she didn't need to sleep on it to figure out it wasn't all in her head.</p><p>She was sitting in her oversized sleep shirt and pyjama shorts in front of the floor-length mirror, Marlene kneeling behind her braiding her damp hair so she'd have those tousled curls in the morning, Dahlia perched on Lily's bed behind them with Pan in her lap. Having relayed her conversation with Remus back to Marlene and Dahlia, the three of them were now deep down memory lane in laughing about just how immature and annoying those four boys had been when they were fourteen, when Mary burst through the door looking murderous.</p><p>Her long ponytail was swishing behind her, flecks of mud on her cheeks and dried sweat lining her face, and a rare flush was staining her neck.</p><p>Dahlia broke the silence. "Er, bad practice?"</p><p>Mary shut the door loudly behind her, threw her broom on her bed, and then stood, hands on her hips, looking straight at Lily. "James was off."</p><p>The three of them looked at each other.</p><p>Mary's tone was like ice. "He was fucking <em>off</em>. James is <em>never</em> off. And we all know it's about that fucking <em>duel</em> and whatever the <em>fuck</em> is going on with you two, Lily."</p><p>Marlene gave a warning, "<em>Mac</em>—"</p><p>But Lily waved her hand toward Marlene, meeting Mary's eye. "He was really…off?"</p><p>Mary's eyes widened, and she sounded like she was trying very hard to control her tone as she said, "If he plays like he just did on Saturday, I don't think we can win."</p><p>She let that hang there in the silence as they all shifted uncomfortably.</p><p>"Quidditch usually <em>fixes</em> him, Lily. Fuck, remember last year? When you were fooling around with Davies like you <em>wanted</em> to piss him off? I don't even care that he was shagging Ladie then, because we could <em>all</em> see how much you being with Davies got to him, and that match might have been the best one he's ever fucking <em>played</em>."</p><p>She paused to take a deep breath, and then went on, more slowly, "I've <em>never</em> seen him play like he just did, and I know—I just <em>know</em>—it's because of that fucking duel today. So I don't know <em>what</em> all of that <em>shit</em> you were shouting at each other fucking meant, but you need to fucking <em>fix this</em>, Lily. And <em>fast</em>."</p><p>Marlene rolled her eyes at Mary and turned Lily back to face the mirror so she could continue working on Lily's hair as she grumbled, "Yes, because clearly the most important thing here is <em>Quidditch</em>."</p><p>Mary snapped back, "Oh, don't <em>even</em>, Marly—"</p><p>"Well, don't make it sound like the fate of <em>Gryffindor </em>falls on <em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>"RIGHT NOW IT FUCKING DOES!"</p><p>They all froze, staring at Mary, her nostrils flaring as she breathed hard. "You <em>know</em> I fucking love you, Lil, we're all best friends here. And you <em>know</em> I love James too, he's like my fucking <em>brother</em>. And of <em>course</em> I want you two to be happy, and if that means <em>together</em>, you <em>know</em> I am fucking <em>here</em> for it. So don't any of you fucking dare pretend like I only care about Quidditch—"</p><p>Lily broke in, saying, "No, Mac, I know you don't—"</p><p>"—and don't you all pretend like you <em>don't</em> care about Quidditch either, you all know how big of a deal this is for our <em>whole fucking house</em>—"</p><p>Marlene sighed. "Well of course it is, but you don't have to—"</p><p>"BE FUCKING HONEST?"</p><p>Marlene's mouth snapped shut, and Lily winced.</p><p>Dahlia said calmly, "Mac, we actually had been talking about James and Lily, and if James is upset about today, then I think that…changes things. Do you want to shower before we fill you in?"</p><p>Mary nodded curtly. "Yeah, let me—fucking cool off."</p><p>She disappeared into the lavatory, and the other three were quiet while they waited. Marlene finished plaiting Lily's hair, and her and Marlene joined Dahlia on Lily's bed. Mary wandered over as she towel-dried her wet hair, completing their circle, and her voice seemed calmer, her mood more controlled, as she said, "What the hell <em>was</em> that today, Lil?"</p><p>With a deep breath, Lily started from the beginning, but went back further than she'd even told Marlene and Dahlia. She told them about Tuesday's conversation, and about what happened in the greenhouse the night before, and about how she'd slept over, and what had gone through her mind during the duel, and what happened in their office afterwards, and what her and Remus had talked about, and when she was done, her three girlfriends all stared at her with open mouths, varying degrees of shock on their faces, though Dahlia looked the least surprised.</p><p>"What?" Lily asked her.</p><p>Dahlia gave her an soft smile. "I think you're falling just as in love with him as he is with you."</p><p>Lily blushed. "What makes you say that?"</p><p>Dahlia laughed. "It's not exactly a secret I've had a lot of sex with James, but I can tell you right now that we never made love like that. Don't give me that look. What you just described, last night, during the storm? He made <em>love</em> to you, Lily."</p><p>She swallowed hard, not knowing what to say to that. Because Dahlia was right; she had <em>felt</em> it, had been unable to think about anything else all morning until the duel happened. Fuck, last night she had <em>wanted</em> to say those words out loud, those words he'd accidentally said, but it felt too soon, too <em>crazy</em>. So she'd settled for the next best thing, for saying she thought they had something special, because it was the truth. She couldn't explain it, this magnetic <em>pull</em> she felt for him, this overwhelming attraction and desire for him, for <em>all</em> of him, to just be around him and hear him and hold him. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt before, and it made her feel more alive than she'd ever dreamed it possible to feel.</p><p>Lily rested her elbows on her knees, burying her face in her hands. "I'm so…I don't know. I've never felt like this. But I…I guess I am. Falling in love with him. And I just…I can't really <em>believe</em> it at the same time, because it's <em>him</em>, and it's happened so fast, and—"</p><p>Mary reached out and grabbed her arm, her voice softer than it had been before. "Lily. It's okay to want to take things slow with him. Well, relationship-wise. You don't have to rush into <em>anything</em>, and I think it's good you take your time, get used to the idea, feel ready. But what you just said? About thinking you're falling in love with him? I don't think James knows you feel like that. Because if he did, <em>no way</em> would he have been in the mood he was in earlier."</p><p>Lily bit her lip. "How can he not <em>know</em>?"</p><p>Marlene chuckled softly. "Have you <em>told</em> him?"</p><p>"Well—no, I…I suppose not in so many words."</p><p>Marlene gave her a knowing look, and then Dahlia added, "James isn't an insecure person, but he's insecure about <em>you</em>, Lily. You didn't see him after Snare, he was really worried. And if you haven't really spelled out your feelings for him, and then you yelled what you did in the duel today? It won't be hard for him to start worrying that you don't like him as much as he thought."</p><p>Lily frowned, not wanting that to be true. "But he said we were okay."</p><p>Dahlia gave her a sad smile. "Because he <em>wants</em> you to be okay. But that doesn't mean the duel didn't rattle him, because it sounds like it did, just like it's rattled you."</p><p>Lily nodded, swallowing hard.</p><p>Mary gave her arm a squeeze. "Talk to him, Lil. <em>Tell</em> him. Tomorrow."</p><p>"But I don't know if I'm <em>ready</em> to tell him…<em>that</em>."</p><p>Mary huffed. "<em>Lily</em>. Doing this tomorrow isn't about <em>me</em> and Quidditch, it's about <em>James</em> and Quidditch. Surely you have an inkling of just how important Quidditch is to <em>him</em>? How badly he wants to win, when he's Captain <em>and</em> Head Boy <em>and</em> it's his final year at Hogwarts and maybe his last year playing Quidditch <em>ever</em>?"</p><p>Lily's stomach tightened as she held Mary's gaze.</p><p>"He's worked <em>so hard</em> for this. He <em>wants</em> this. And the fact that worrying over you can rattle him in <em>Quidditch</em> should tell you just how strongly how feels about you. Look, Lily, James is already beating himself up over practice. He would <em>never</em> forgive himself if he let the team down on Saturday from being distracted over you. And if all he needs is <em>reassurance</em> of your <em>feelings</em>? Lily. If you care about him like I think you do, don't let that happen. Reassure him. <em>Please</em>."</p><p>Lily nodded, knowing Mary was right—about all of it. Marlene patted her other leg, saying, "You can do it, Lil," and Dahlia smiled, somehow managing to say the words Lily needed to hear most: "You have <em>nothing</em> to be afraid of, Lily. <em>He's</em> the one who's afraid you don't have the same feelings back. So make him the happiest bloke in this castle by telling him he's <em>wrong</em>."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Friday dragged by. She normally never saw James at breakfast on Fridays anyway, and then she had to sit through Alchemy, though thankfully Dahlia distracted her by passing her notes of encouragement. She felt strangely nervous; she had processed so many feelings, spent so much time talking <em>about</em> him over the past twelve hours, yet she hadn't <em>seen</em> him, didn't actually <em>know</em> what he was feeling or how he'd react when he saw her. He had told her they were okay, walked with her back to the common room, and her parting look at him had been to exchange small smiles as they each headed up their staircases. But Mary's report of Quidditch practice unnerved her; it wasn't like James to not play well, and Mary, who was brutally honest <em>and</em> had known James since they were literally in diapers, wasn't one to be prone to exaggeration; if she had been concerned, then James must be more upset than he'd let on.</p><p>Ancient Runes seemed to last forever, worsened by the fact that before class even started, Garrytt said casually, "That was some duel yesterday, Lil." She reached down to rummage in her bag, pretending to look for something, grateful that she had actually worn her hair down so it could shield her flush from view.</p><p>"Um, yeah. He's a tough opponent."</p><p>Edgar chuckled, jumping in with, "That he is, tomorrow's gonna be a hell of a match."</p><p>Garrytt turned to Edgar. "Think so? Frank scored most of the points on you last year."</p><p>Edgar nodded, modest as always. "Potter will have mixed it up with Vance joining the squad, and I heard she's good. Plus, we have all our same Chasers, so he'll have prepared McClaggan well. I think we'll shake out pretty even."</p><p>Garrytt just shrugged. "If you say so, mate."</p><p>Aiko asked, "Isn't Potter hurt or something?"</p><p>Lily's eyes snapped up to her. "What?"</p><p>Aiko looked surprised at Lily's surprise. "Well, we just heard—I guess practice didn't go so well last night? Something about Potter's throwing arm?"</p><p>Mary hadn't mentioned that. Surely, if he was really hurt, Mary would have told them?</p><p>Lily didn't even have to play dumb. "I honestly haven't heard anything."</p><p>Edgar's brows furrowed at Aiko, who was exchanging a meaningful look with Garrytt. She wasn't stupid; James being questionable was a game-changer for the other contenders for the Cup. But she was also disturbingly happy that the conversation had turned toward Quidditch and away from everyone remembering their duel the day before, so she didn't say anything else, and once class started, she distracted herself with taking notes.</p><p>James wasn't at lunch, but Sirius was, and Lily sat by him without preamble.</p><p>"Hey, Swish."</p><p>"Is everything…alright?"</p><p>He gave her a strange look. "Er—what?"</p><p>Lily glanced over her shoulder and then leaned in to whisper, "Aiko Chang was spreading in class that she heard James is hurt or something. She said practice didn't go well?"</p><p>She didn't know what she expected him to say, but she definitely didn't expect the Cheshire grin that immediately spread across his face right before he stuffed it into a sandwich.</p><p>"Sirius? What the <em>fuck</em>?"</p><p>He gave her a sideways smirk as he chewed, asking thickly, "Wha? Care abou' him or somethin'?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes and then hissed, "What do <em>you</em> think?"</p><p>His eyes glittered at her as he wiped off a glob of mustard with a napkin, licking his teeth before he said under his breath, "Practice was shit, but he's healthy. We put out a story to cover up <em>why</em> practice was shit, so it'll hopefully make those Huffs have their guard down a little."</p><p>"So he's…in on it?"</p><p>Sirius gave her a look. "Yeah, he knows about it, agreed to lay low. Not sure where he is, to be honest, I told him to go get his head on straight."</p><p>Lily sighed and reached for a sandwich herself. "Is he…alright?"</p><p>Sirius took another bite and chewed slowly before finally answering, his voice so low it was almost a growl. "Depends. He's not sure if the girl he's in love with actually still wants to be with him anymore since she shouted out she wasn't his <em>fucking girlfriend</em> in front of our whole grade."</p><p>Lily set down her sandwich, suddenly not hungry. "He—said that?"</p><p>Sirius knocked her knee with his under the table. "No. He didn't need to."</p><p>She'd never had a talk anything remotely like this with Sirius before, and something about him, about how him and James just <em>knew</em> each other, was making her nervous, like she was getting <em>intimidated</em>. It was annoying; Lily never got intimidated, and she wasn't about to start with fucking <em>Sirius Black</em>. She took a deep breath, then said quietly back, "And what if the girl he's in love with <em>does</em> still want to be with him and feels really sorry she shouted that?"</p><p>Sirius looked at her, his gray eyes piercing, and Lily stared right back, determined not to falter under his gaze. But then his veneer cracked, the twinkle back in his eye as he smirked and said, "Then she should probably hang out in their office tonight and tell him that when he shows up."</p><p>Lily knocked his knee with hers as she whispered, "Thank you," and Sirius winked at her before turning to greet Remus, Marlene, and Peter, who were pulling up across from them.</p><p>Arithmancy broke her brain, as per usual, though the distraction worked wonders in passing the time. As they started back to Gryffindor Tower, Remus cut right to it, asking, "So did you sleep on it?"</p><p>Lily threw him a sideway smile. "Not like I needed to, what with intervening events."</p><p>He chuckled. "Yeah, I don't think practice went all that well last night. It was pretty tense in our dorm, not gonna lie."</p><p>Her stomach twisted, knowing this all stemmed from her. "Was he—upset?"</p><p>Remus thought a moment, then told her, "He actually tried to convince us that everything with you was fine, like the duel hadn't bothered him. Sirius got pretty blunt with him, they had some words, James admitted it <em>was</em> bothering him. I think his mind is just going to worst case scenario the more he dwells on it."</p><p>"I talked to the girls last night. About him."</p><p>Remus smiled at her. "Yeah, Marly said the four of you hung out. Said it was really nice."</p><p>Lily nodded, smiling back. "Yeah, it was. It was like…old times. Before all this…drama happened."</p><p>"You mean, before you and James started being incapable of being in the same room."</p><p>Lily blushed. "Yes. That."</p><p>Remus bumped her with his elbow. "Just talk to him, Lil. Tell him how you feel. He needs to hear it from <em>you</em>."</p><p>She bit her lip as she met his eye and nodded. "Okay. I will."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>James took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair, as he strode down the corridor toward his office. It had been a weird day. He had played horribly at practice the night before, which he now recognized was a result of being completely rattled by the duel and its aftermath with Lily, and he had spent almost all of that day outside, even skipping Herbology and taking his meals in the kitchens to keep up with the ruse Sirius and Mary had wanted to put out over practice. Though, he still wasn't sure any of it had done any good in doing what Sirius really wanted him to do, being to clear his fucking head and get his shit together for the match. Both things he obviously wanted for himself, of course, it was just that it was a little difficult to see how that was going to happen when, the more he dwelled on it, the more he worried that Lily felt less strongly about him than he felt about her.</p><p>He pushed through the mahogany door and down the short hallway, and, as he expected, his breath caught in his throat when he saw her at her desk, blood-red hair tumbling around her shoulders in those tousled curls she'd started doing, bent head jerking up at the sound of him approaching.</p><p>She smiled, something tentative, as she said, "Hey. What are you doing in here on a Friday night?"</p><p>He shrugged, setting his bag on his chair and taking out the Quaffle he'd brought. "Remus and Marlene have commandeered our dorm, and I couldn't hear myself think in the common room, so…"</p><p>"Are you…ready for tomorrow?"</p><p>"Ready as we'll ever be."</p><p>They were quiet a moment, staring at each other, and then James asked, "So…what are you doing in here on a Friday night?"</p><p>She shrugged back, gesturing to the books and parchment spread in front of her. "I don't exactly plan on having any time tomorrow to do homework, so…"</p><p>Silence fell again. James wondered if she was thinking, like he was, about her proposition to go down on him if they won. Somehow, the thought seemed more awkward than comforting. Even talking to her just then felt strange. Had she heard about practice? Was she thinking about the duel as much as he was?</p><p>"Well, I'll leave you to it. I just need to…clear my head I guess."</p><p>She was biting her lip, a strange look on her face, and he turned to go to the other end of the room, where he lay on the floor, one of the armchair pillows under his head, and tossed the Quaffle in the air, trying to focus his mind on plays for tomorrow. He succeeded better than he'd expected, as he didn't hear Lily approach until he heard her voice between the armchairs.</p><p>"Are we…really okay?"</p><p>He caught the Quaffle and looked over at her, swallowing thickly before he said, "Yeah, 'course," and then tossed the ball into the air mindlessly.</p><p>Lily grabbed another pillow and laid down next to him, pillowing her hands under her cheek. "James."</p><p>He brought the Quaffle down to his stomach, turned his head to look at her. She was biting her lip again, studying him, and then she said softly, "I can tell it's still bothering you. What I said in the duel. And I'm sorry."</p><p>James's heart sped up. "It's fine—"</p><p>"I talked to Mac. About practice."</p><p>He swallowed hard.</p><p>"And I saw Sirius at lunch, and I also talked to Remus."</p><p>He chuckled softly, tossing the Quaffle as he mumbled, "Bunch of meddlers."</p><p>"Yes, well," Lily said matter-of-factly, "it's good they did, since you apparently weren't going to tell me yesterday was still bothering you and then I wouldn't be able to reassure you that it shouldn't."</p><p>His heart lodged somewhere in his throat as he held the Quaffle against his chest and turned to look at her.</p><p>Lily reached a hand up to push his hair back from his forehead. "I wish I hadn't said it."</p><p>His voice came out a little hoarse as he asked, "Why?"</p><p>She shifted closer to him, close enough to kiss. "Because I <em>never</em> want to hurt your feelings. James, you—it <em>terrifies</em> me how you can make me feel <em>everything</em>. You can <em>infuriate</em> me, and drive me <em>crazy</em> sometimes, and I still—I don't want to <em>hurt</em> you, I—"</p><p>Her eyes searched his as she caught herself, that dark green he wanted to swim in glinting in the flickering of the flames.</p><p>"You what?"</p><p>He thought she sounded nervous, her breath catching as she said, "I—I care about you."</p><p>James set the Quaffle to the side, tilting towards her and lifting a hand to push a lock of hair behind her ear. "You do?"</p><p>She gave him a small nod as she smiled up at him. "We have a <em>plan</em>, Potter. Remember?"</p><p>His heart skipped a beat, and he knew his voice shook a little as he asked, "You still—you want—"</p><p>Lily's face immediately softened. "<em>James</em>. Nothing's changed since Tuesday." With a wry grumble, she added, "Hell, maybe we've even changed less than we thought we did."</p><p>James bit his lip, thinking the same thing, and Lily searched his face, stroking fingertips down his cheek. Her voice came out softer, throatier, as she said, "I don't get it. We can fall into that—yesterday—and I can still just…<em>hate</em> you sometimes, but—now, I—I like you <em>more</em> at the same time. I feel…<em>closer</em> to you. I don't know, I can't explain it, I just feel—" Her eyes sparkled, and she giggled softly. "Well, to be honest, most of the time I feel like I'm a nervous fourteen-year-old who's in love with the hot seventh-year Quidditch star and can barely breathe when he remembers she exists but—what?"</p><p>His stomach had fallen through the floor; he swore the earth had stood still and all his organs had stopped. Did she realize what she'd said?</p><p>He cleared his throat, not sure he could find any words with how fast his heart was beating and his mind was racing. "Nothing, just—"</p><p>Lily's eyes widened, like she had ran it back through her mind, and he braced himself for her to get flustered and try to take it back—but instead she <em>smiled</em>—and then she <em>chuckled</em>, dropping her hand to his chest as she shook her head softly. "You sort of said that to me already the night of goblets, but I—I didn't tell you."</p><p>He swallowed hard. "You—you've known? This whole time?"</p><p>She nodded, but then her eyes went wide. "You remembered?"</p><p>James gave a small nod back. "Yeah. I didn't know if you did, though."</p><p>Her eyes narrowed. "I didn't know if <em>you</em> did. Why didn't you…say anything?"</p><p>He shrugged. "It just…slipped. I hadn't meant to tell you. And then I didn't think you'd be, you know, ready. To hear it."</p><p>She stared at him thoughtfully.</p><p>James flipped the question on her. "If <em>you</em> knew, why didn't <em>you</em> say anything?"</p><p>She held his gaze. "Because I wanted to be able to say it back."</p><p>Really, at this point, it was a miracle his heart hadn't exploded out of his body. He waited. Lily scooted, somehow, even closer to him; her breath was warm on his mouth, her voice barely more than a whisper, her eyes sparkling. "James. I've never felt like this. I don't get it, I can't explain it. I just…want to be <em>around</em> you, <em>all</em> the time. You make me nervous and you make me laugh and you make me feel safe all at once. And I don't think I fully realized it until the other night, when we…in the storm. But I—I am. Falling…in love with you."</p><p>He couldn't speak for a second, her words ringing in his mind like they'd come from a dream. Lily's eyes searched his, and his voice sounded almost choked as the only thing he managed to push out was, "You—really? You—feel that way? About me?"</p><p>Lily laughed as she rumpled his hair. "Yes. You really couldn't tell?"</p><p>He wasn't sure. He thought he could tell, but at the same time…it had seemed too good to be true, especially since she hadn't actually <em>told</em> him how she'd felt about him.</p><p>"Lily, I—I've dreamt of you saying that for literal <em>years</em>, but I never thought it would actually…come <em>true</em>."</p><p>Her face softened at that, and she cupped his cheek. "Well, now it is true. That's why I've felt so bad, about yelling out that I wasn't your girlfriend yesterday. And when Mary and Remus said you seemed out of sorts, I knew that was why. Because you had told me you were in love with me, and you didn't think I knew, and I had just yelled that out. But I <em>did</em> know, and I yelled it anyway, and that made me feel even <em>worse</em>—"</p><p>"So why did you? Yell that?"</p><p>Lily shrugged, her face looking troubled. "I don't know. I was completely honest in here yesterday. I was just in that…that old mindset, just focusing on hating you, and it just—came out. And of course it scares me that we can still row like that, and say what we said, but it doesn't change how I feel about you <em>now</em>." Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she looked up at him through her lashes and added, "And it also doesn't change the Plan."</p><p>James smirked softly. "Does it speed up the Plan?"</p><p>She smiled shyly, shaking her head as a blush creeping up around her cheeks. "I don't know. I just—I don't take <em>that</em>—being…<em>official</em> with someone…lightly. And falling for you like this, and it being <em>you</em>, and us being <em>badges</em>, I mean, we haven't even been on a real <em>date</em>—"</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>." He dropped his hand to squeeze her waist. "I was just asking. I know you're not ready right now, you don't have to explain. I get it."</p><p>"You do?"</p><p>He chuckled. "Evans, <em>I'm</em> still getting used to you liking me probably as much as you are."</p><p>She hesitated a moment, then asked, "Would…<em>you</em> be? Ready?"</p><p>Truthfully, he'd been wondering the same thing ever since she'd voiced the reality that that would be the next step for them, and the only big hiccup in that thought process had been yesterday's duel.</p><p>He smiled at her. "You know I'm more of an <em>act now, think later</em> kinda guy."</p><p>She arched knowing brows.</p><p>"Also more of a <em>dive in head first without looking</em> kinda guy."</p><p>She rolled her eyes playfully.</p><p>James lowered his voice, his heart racing as he steeled himself to finally say those words, intentionally, out loud. "But also…I'm in love with you, Lily. And I care more about not messing this up and about doing this right by you than I do about having a label."</p><p>Lily bit back a smile.</p><p>"I told you the other night. I'm <em>yours</em>. I'm <em>all in</em> for you. So whenever <em>you're</em> ready, you just say the word."</p><p>She nodded, her face having that tender expression he'd last seen the other night when they'd made love during the storm and she'd said those words—<em>I think we might have something special</em>—that had infused him with more hope, more <em>joy</em>, than he'd ever thought possible to feel.</p><p>Well, until now. Because now, he knew what those words had really meant, had really been hiding: that she was falling in love with him <em>back</em>.</p><p>His eyes fluttered closed as her lips brushed his, something soft that reminded him of their very first kiss. He could barely comprehend that had only been a little more than a month ago. If he thought about it, he could recall every detail, every turn of their heads as their mouths explored each other for the first time, like the whole kiss was a film imprinted on his brain for him to rewind and pause and watch in slow motion.</p><p>In a way, he supposed this was like a first kiss of sorts. It was the first kiss they'd shared with their feelings laid this bare, and they kissed, touched, in a completely opposite way than they had the night before after their duel. It was almost tentative, like they were wading into this new territory of being open about falling in love, like they both knew something had changed between them. A corner turned, a layer pulled back, a new depth reached. James's heart swelled for her. Lily Evans was on the road to becoming his girlfriend. Lily Evans was falling <em>in love</em> with him. <em>Lily Evans</em>.</p><p>Lily's tongue slid over his lip, and he pulled her closer, tugging up her shirt so he could reach the bare skin of her waist as he opened his mouth for her, all of his senses getting lost in her taste, her smell, her softness. Her fingers fisted his collar and then drifted down his chest, and the next thing he knew, they were skimming his length where he was straining in his trousers, already beyond aroused for her. A low groan rose in his throat as she closed her hand around him, giving him a gentle squeeze.</p><p>Their kiss broke, and Lily ducked around his mouth as she whispered, "How about I help my Head Boy relax before his big game tomorrow?"</p><p>He could hear the huskiness in his own voice, like the more aroused he was, the more his voice literally disappeared, as he murmured back, "Fuck yes. Touch me—please, Lil."</p><p>She smiled before she kissed him again, something slow and teasing, and he squeezed where he held onto her, running his thumb over her rib and then sliding his hand up to cup her breast, the satin of her bra silky under his fingers. Lily's fingers went deftly to his belt and fly, and she found him already free of his boxers, waiting for her. James hissed softly as she trailed soft fingertips up his length, his spine prickling at how it achingly ticklish it was. Lily broke their kiss to look down at him as she touched him, and James swallowed hard, something about that increasing his ache for her tenfold, and his hips gave an involuntary little jerk towards her hand.</p><p>He heard her soft smile as she removed her hand from him only to look up at him, eyes something wicked, and then she sucked on her fingers one by one before licking her palm.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, Lily. <em>Please</em>."</p><p>Her hand was back on him in an instant, her fingers swirling over his head where he was sure he was already leaking for her, and then she was gripping him firmly in one smooth motion, sending a ringing groan flying out of his mouth.</p><p>"James." Her voice was low and throaty, that tone he was getting more used to hearing when intimate with her like this, and she worked him in slow, slick strokes as she said, "I don't think you realize how fucking <em>into</em> you I am. I think about you, and about touching you like this, <em>every day</em>. I'm <em>always</em> wet for you in class because all it takes is just <em>looking</em> at you, and I just—I want everything. Your body, your <em>face</em>. When you smile at me during the day, I just <em>lose</em> it inside."</p><p>His head was swimming, brain breaking, barely able to keep up with what she was saying with how warm and firm and <em>good</em> her hand felt just then. That's how <em>she</em> felt about <em>him</em>? Fuck, that's exactly how <em>he</em> felt about <em>her</em>.</p><p>She was smiling at him, like she knew exactly what she was doing to him, and before he could even think of anything to say, she kept going. "I'm <em>falling</em> for you, James. I feel like a giddy schoolgirl whenever I'm <em>around</em> you. And I just want to <em>be</em> around you, <em>all</em> the bloody time."</p><p>Another whimpering groan escaped him. "Fuck, <em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>"And I never stop wanting you, James. I told you before, I'm <em>obsessed</em> with making you come. I daydream about your face when you're coming for me. I want to touch you, feel you hard for me, make you come, <em>all the time</em>. I'm <em>mad</em> about you. The whole match tomorrow, all I'm going to be thinking about is sucking you off and feeling you come in my mouth—"</p><p>James swore again at that, his hips mindlessly working themselves against her hand, and he leaned his forehead against hers where they still lay side-by-side, squeezed her waist tighter. Lily tightened her grip, working him just slightly harder than she had been.</p><p>"Fuck, you feel <em>incredible</em>, J. Even just touching you is—I don't even know how to explain it. I can never get enough of you. I'd jerk you off every day, just because I love how <em>thick</em> and <em>big</em> you feel in my hand, and I love those <em>noises</em> you make when you get close, and I love feeling you come and knowing how incredible you're feeling when you do because you make me feel the same way—"</p><p>He was outside his body. He had died and gone to whatever Lily Evans heaven this was. He was flooded, purring, <em>thrumming</em> with awe, with pleasure, with yearning, with desire, all at the same time, her words alone seeming to pluck every thread of nerves in his body, but then her <em>hand</em>, stroking him slightly faster now in slick, hard strokes, was taking him to a whole other level of pleasure entirely.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>." He could barely get words out. "I'm close—so close."</p><p>She smiled. "I know. I got you, babe."</p><p><em>Babe</em>. His heart leapt into this throat, something like confidence, reassurance, now rushing through his veins.</p><p>"Fuck, Lil. I want to come inside you."</p><p>Somehow, her smile seemed to widen, and she shifted next to him, swinging her leg over his hip and then lowering herself over him, nudging her knickers to the side and swirling his head around her opening. She was <em>dripping</em>. A strangled groan he didn't recognize rose in his throat as he felt her, and then his eyes flew open, meeting hers.</p><p>"Have you been—"</p><p>She bit her lip and nodded.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>He pulled her tight against him, thrusting his hips up into her, immediately sheathing himself in her wet heat, and murmured, "<em>Fuck</em>, you're so <em>tight</em>."</p><p>Her face was pressed up against his, her leg pulling him closer even as her hand was still stuck between them, and she sighed, "Gods, I love how you feel inside me."</p><p>James rocked against her, close to the edge, and then he realized Lily's hand was still moving between them and he paused, opening his eyes, seeing hers starting to scrunch, and comprehension started dawning.</p><p>"Lily—"</p><p>In one swift movement, she pulled her hand away, bringing it to bury in his hair and hold his face against hers as she pressed her body flush against his and ground against his pelvis with small, frantic movements, and then just as she started to contract she whispered, "I want you to feel me come—because this is for <em>you</em>—fuck, James, you just turn me <em>on</em>—I get close just from <em>thinking</em> about you," and then her pressure broke in earnest, and he felt the first of her spasms tug at him, and her voice was heated, louder—"<em>Fuck</em>, J, just—come with me—babe, <em>please</em>—"</p><p><em>Babe</em>? <em>Please</em>? Please. It only took two of his own shallow thrusts into her spasms for him to topple over the edge, undone for her, and he felt like he was floating, inside out, the pulse of their climax mingling and becoming the one thing he could focus on, the one thing that seemed to anchor him as the room spun and he spilled inside her and her leg pulled him closer and her inner walls clenched around him and then suddenly her lips were on his, something sweet as they rocked through their climax together, and then her whisper was hot on his mouth: "I'm falling so fucking in love with you, Potter."</p><p>If he thought he was inside out before, it was nothing to how the floor seemed to fall out from underneath him at that sentence. He squeezed her where he still held onto her, holding her as tight to his body as he could get her, forehead pushing against hers as he murmured back, "I feel like I'm in a fucking dream, Evans. <em>Fuck</em>, you're—you're just <em>everything</em>."</p><p>Lily kissed him, something more intense than before, as she rolled her hips against him. "Promise me you'll win for me tomorrow?"</p><p>He chuckled. "Just for you, eh? Not for Gryffindor?"</p><p>She smiled against his mouth. "Screw Gryffindor. If I don't get to blow you tomorrow, I'm going to fucking <em>lose it</em>, Potter."</p><p>James smiled back, that familiar swooping feeling now soaring through his chest, like he could just sprout wings and fly off on the spot. "I want to hear you say that every fucking day."</p><p>Lily blushed, but her eyes still had that intense look, and she stroked his cheek. "James?"</p><p>He nuzzled her nose. "Hmm?"</p><p>"Are we really okay now?"</p><p>James lifted his own hand to her face, chuckling as he said, "<em>Yes</em>, Lily."</p><p>"You're not still…upset?"</p><p>His stomach fluttered at how earnest she looked just then, and his heart swelled as he took in how worried she seemed over how he felt, over how he'd reacted to what she'd said in the duel.</p><p>"Lil." The corner of her mouth turned up at that. "I still don't know what the fuck you just did to me, but consider me completely in love with you and completely over yesterday, yeah?"</p><p>She nodded, smiling, and kissed him again, and James fleetingly thought that nothing, not even winning the Quidditch House Cup again, could top how happy he felt just then.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily stretched as she woke up leisurely on Saturday morning, smiling to herself as memories of the night before rushed back into her mind. They were okay. Really okay. Her friends had been right, she was falling in love with James Potter, and she had actually told him so.</p><p>And then she'd gotten him off, getting more vulnerable with him about her feelings than she'd ever been before, and she'd thought her heart might burst over how happy he was, and how happy <em>she</em> was now that she'd finally told him all of how she felt. They had made out for awhile, high on finally laying bare their feelings, before going another round, not even bothering to undress each other but just touching each other and moving together in a tangled, desperate mess of limbs on the floor.</p><p>They had eventually decided to head back, James needing good sleep before Saturday's match, and almost as soon as they had come back into the common room, Sirius had come straight over to them and slung his arms around their shoulders in a group hug hauntingly familiar to the one they'd shared behind The Three Broomsticks.</p><p>"Well," he'd said quietly, "since you're both grinning like idiots and reek of sex, I trust you've worked things out?"</p><p>Lily had blushed furiously, Sirius had only winked at her, and James had only said, "Pads, we're winning tomorrow," to which Sirius had grinned and jostled his shoulder before letting go.</p><p>And now it was tomorrow. Saturday. The opening match of the year at Hogwarts.</p><p>The match she'd promised him a blowjob over if he won.</p><p>Suddenly, her nerves caught up with her. Going down on James had become such a future thing in her mind, that now she suddenly raced to comprehend that today was it. Well, assuming they won, but she had no doubt they would.</p><p>She'd gone down on Edgar, but not often, and she suddenly realized she didn't feel as confident in what she was doing as James had appeared to be when he'd gone down on her. Lily swallowed hard as she pulled herself over the edge of the bed, the faint hum of panic starting to settle in her stomach. The <em>last</em> thing she wanted was for there to be all this build up for her going down on him only to have her not be good at it.</p><p>Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Lily surveyed the room. Mary was already gone, of course; she was an early riser anyway and would have left early to be with the team before the match. And Marlene's bed was made, so she had either slept with Remus or was already down at breakfast. But the shower had just shut off and Dahlia's bed was still unmade.</p><p>It was like the universe knew what she needed.</p><p>Dahlia emerged from the lavatory in her bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her head, and smiled at Lily when she saw her awake. "Morning, Lil."</p><p>Lily slowly got to her feet and padded to the lavatory. "Morning, Dahl."</p><p>She took her own quick shower and brushed her teeth, and then opened the door for Dahlia to come back in so they could both get ready.</p><p>"Say, Dahlia," Lily started, meeting her eyes through the mirror. "Do you think I could…talk to you?"</p><p>Dahlia looked at her curiously as she applied her face cream. "Of course, Lil. You can talk to me about anything."</p><p>"Even…James?"</p><p>Dahlia paused, her eyes wide in surprise, but then her face softened and her hazel eyes seemed to glitter. "<em>Obviously</em>."</p><p>Lily bit her lip as she smoothed product through the ends of her hair, and Dahlia must have noticed her hesitation, because she smirked and said, "Lily. It's <em>you</em>. I'll tell you anything you want to know."</p><p>Lily swallowed hard as she nodded. She'd never talked to Marlene like this because she'd never wanted to know these kinds of intimate details about Remus, and she'd talked to Mary about things like this with other boys, but she couldn't now because it was about James and he was basically like Mary's brother and <em>that</em> would be weird. Not to mention that Mary was currently unavailable. No, the only person she could talk to—the only person who could tell her what she <em>really</em> wanted to know—was Dahlia.</p><p>"I, um—I sort of told him that I'd—well, that—I'd go down on him if he—wins today."</p><p>Dahlia burst into laughter, her head falling back. "Fucking <em>hell</em>, Lily. Oh, I bet he <em>loved</em> that." She dabbed at her eyes with another cream, then started working on applying light makeup. "Gods, I can picture his face—pure fucking euphoria just at the <em>idea</em>. Lily, you realize he's probably only going to last all but ten seconds for you."</p><p>Lily giggled, starting her own makeup. "Yes, well. I was sort of wondering…"</p><p>Dahlia's eyes went wide again. "Have you never—?"</p><p>"No, I have—I just—it wasn't—"</p><p>Dahlia was looking at her expectantly, her makeup brush paused in midair.</p><p>Lily struggled to find the words. "I only did it a few times. With Eddie. And it didn't take that long, and I just feel like James will expect—more. And I want to do…well, what he likes."</p><p>Her face was burning, and she braced for the teasing that she expected, because she knew Mary or Marlene would have given it. But Dahlia surprised her and just nodded matter-of-factly.</p><p>"That's really thoughtful of you, Lily."</p><p>"Er—what?"</p><p>Dahlia smiled knowingly at her then. "That you want to make the first time you go down on him really good for him."</p><p>Lily shrugged. "Well, he—he did—for me."</p><p>Dahlia's smile widened.</p><p>"And I—suppose I have <em>you</em> to thank for that?"</p><p>Dahlia chuckled. "He's a quick study."</p><p>Then, perhaps picking up on Lily's nerves still going strong, Dahlia reached over to squeeze Lily's arm, looking her in the eye as she said, "This isn't weird for me, Lil. I'm <em>your</em> friend too, you know. And <em>that</em> means"—her eyes glittered—"that I will tell you <em>everything</em> I know so you can give James the best blowjob of his <em>life</em>."</p><p>Lily blushed and bit her lip.</p><p>"Okay," Dahlia continued, turning back to the mirror. "So start with teasing him a bit…"</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Though thoughts of Lily from the night before distracted him the whole way to the locker rooms, a switch flipped once he was in his Quidditch uniform. Everything but the match fell away; it was meditative, this laser-focus he had for the game. He went through his pre-match ritual as if in a trance, pulling on gear, psyching himself up, gathering the team around for a pre-match pep talk that flowed perfectly in the moment but that he couldn't remember a single word of afterward. And then before he knew it, it was time.</p><p>His broom over his shoulder, he walked onto the pitch in the front of the team, Mary and Sirius flanking him on other side. Behind them, James knew Kingsley, Ludo, Emmeline, and Hugh would be completing their formation, and the stands roared as they made their way to the center of the pitch. Walking out there always felt like it was happening in slow motion, but then events unfolded in quick succession as he shook hands with Edgar, they all mounted their brooms, Madame Hooch released the balls into the air, and then James was seizing the Quaffle, tucking it under his arm as he sped off.</p><p>He handed it off to Kingsley, who had been flying under him, but not long after that, a Bludger came straight at them, forcing them to separate. Kingsley passed to Emmeline once he had all the Hufflepuff Chasers on his tail, and she took a good shot, but Edgar read her arm and caught it neatly. James called encouragement to Emmeline for taking a shot; he'd worked with her and Kingsley on Lily's advice to double-feint, but he knew Emmeline was probably nervous, this being her first match, and she just needed to be out there awhile to warm up.</p><p>The game continued this way for awhile, locked in a stalemate. Gryffindor's Chasers were better offensively, Hufflepuff's only having made two shots against Hugh, both of which he saved, but Hufflepuff played good defense, and, having glanced around for Mary, James saw that the Hufflepuff Seeker was tailing her and Mary knew it.</p><p>James was getting frustrated. They were probably about twenty minutes in, and the game was feeling slightly boring, yet they weren't bloody scoring; Edgar had blocked every repeated shot from Kingsley and Emmeline. James actually hadn't made a shot yet, which was unusual for him, but the Hufflepuffs were defending him harder, probably expecting him to have the Quaffle the most, so he had focused on setting up Kingsley and Emmeline. But he was feeling restless, which was always slightly dangerous because it meant he would often do unpredictable things, but he trusted his instincts.</p><p>He was flying near one of the Hufflepuff Chasers, Dedalus Diggle, who had just received a pass, when opportunity knocked; Diggle fumbled the Quaffle, and while it bobbled by his hand, James snatched it and turned around, hearing the crowd roar at the interception. The Quaffle tucked under his right arm, James bent low, slicing through the air as he made a break for the goal posts.</p><p>Dorcas's voice boomed through the pitch: "AND POTTER'S GOT IT, HE'S MAKING A BREAK FOR IT—OH, BUT HERE COMES BARNABY—"</p><p>Glancing around him, James saw that one of Hufflepuff's Beaters had been able to quickly double back, coming down at him from above, and one of their Chasers was on his tail. Making a split-second judgment call, James sharply cut left and then pulled up, knowing the Beater would have to avoid his Chaser and wouldn't be able to change direction that quickly.</p><p>James was closing in now. He could see Edgar ahead of him, concentrating on James's every movement. James purposely leaned ever slightly to the right, saw Edgar drift with him, then cut sharply to the left, pulling the Quaffle out from his arm. Edgar bolted left, reaching out like he was going to dive, and James knew he had him—immediately cutting right, he put the Quaffle straight through the center hoop and heard the stands erupt.</p><p>"POTTER SCORES! GRYFFINDOR LEADS TEN-NIL!"</p><p>James scored three more times in short order, giving Gryffindor a forty-nil lead; he had rattled Edgar, he could tell. His ability to get inside Keepers' heads was part of what made James a good Chaser—once he got a goal past them that they hadn't expected, they would over-read, and James could just mess with them after that. He hadn't been able to do that with Edgar last year because Edgar read arms too well, but this time, Lily's feedback had pushed him to be more creative with his shots, and it had bloody <em>worked</em>.</p><p>Hufflepuff managed to get a goal past Hugh, Emmeline scored once, and then Kingsley scored twice ("THAT'S MY MAN, HANDS OFF LADIES!"), making the score seventy-ten. They stayed locked in another stalemate for awhile, the Hufflepuff Chasers focusing almost harder on defending the Gryffindors, meaning that James barely got the Quaffle ("IS IT JUST ME, OR ARE THE HUFFLEPUFFS PLAYING KEEP-AWAY-FROM-POTTER?") and Gryffindor had to do very little work on defense ("AND WHILE THE HUFFLEPUFFS PLAY HOT POTATO, SIRIUS BLACK IS GRACING US WITH A LOVELY PIROUETTE—OH WAIT—BAGMAN AND MCCLAGGAN TOO—WELL DON'T YOU THREE MAKE A SEXY GRYFFINDOR BOYBAND UP THERE WITH THOSE MOVES"—"Miss Meadowes, the <em>match</em> if you please!"—"Sorry, Professor").</p><p>James's frustration was creeping back. Looking quickly around, he saw Mary circling, Hufflepuff's Seeker tailing her closely, but she didn't give any indication of having seen the Snitch. Just then, one of his beaters sent a Bludger straight at Diggory, who had been in the process of releasing the Quaffle for a pass when he turned to avoid the Bludger, and James shot up to intercept the Quaffle's changed trajectory.</p><p>"AND IT'S POTTER WITH THE QUAFFLE—LOOK AT THAT BOY FLY, HE IS ON A <em>MISSION</em>—"</p><p>"Damn right, Meadowes," James mumbled to himself, zooming down on Edgar from above, then diving below the posts before cutting up sharply, forcing Edgar to have to move his head and body in order to track him and taking advantage of how Edgar had drifted in the process to put the Quaffle easily into the far hoop.</p><p>"EIGHTY-TEN AND THAT MADE ME DIZZY, POTTER."</p><p>He chuckled as he flew by some of the stands, working the Gryffindor crowd. He knew his parents were there in the box where Governors and faculty sat, and he felt a brief flutter in his stomach as he realized he had flown by the section where Lily would be sitting, and then his head was back in the game.</p><p>The Hufflepuffs were now desperate, launching wild Bludgers after the Gryffindor Chasers, one of which crashed into Emmeline's arm with a sickening crunch. James dove after the Quaffle she dropped but before he could reach it, he took the other Bludger to the abdomen as it hit him from the side, knocking the wind out of him and spinning him out a bit from the force of a close-range hit. He faintly registered the collective gasp of the crowd ("AND <em>YIKES</em>, POTTER JUST TOOK A NASTY HIT, GOOD THING HE HAS ABS OF STEEL"—"<em>Miss Meadowes!</em>"—"Just being honest, Professor"), but then his attention focused on Sirius called over to him, "You alright, Prongs?"</p><p>James sat back on his broom, his hands on his sides as he wheezed, trying to catch his breath but feeling like his whole torso was cramped.</p><p>"POTTER!" Mary bellowed. "DON'T FUCKING MOVE!"</p><p>James instinctively obeyed, not daring to blink, let alone even turn his head to look at her, but he heard the sound of her slicing through the air, headed right towards him.</p><p>"AND MACDONALD LOOKS LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO KNOCK POTTER OFF HIS BROOM—MAYBE THEY'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS AFTER ALL—BUT WAIT—YES! SHE'S GOT IT! GRYFFINDOR HAS THE SNITCH!"</p><p>James whirled, seeing Mary holding the Snitch high above her head as she took a victory lap around the pitch. Later, she would tell him how the Snitch had been hovering just behind his head; he had probably settled just next to it when he steadied himself from spinning out, though he obviously hadn't realized it, and it had been blocked from Sirius' view.</p><p>The cheer of the crowd was like thunder as James and Sirius dove toward the ground, dismounting with the rest of the Gryffindor team. Mary was running straight for him, and James dropped his broom, catching her in a hug as she jumped on him and spinning her around in their usual post-win twirl. The team exchanged hugs all around and shook hands with the Hufflepuffs, and then they set off toward the grounds outside the pitch and locker rooms where everyone gathered after matches, Sirius carrying Mary piggy-back while she held the Snitch high in her hand.</p><p>Students and adults there to watch were flowing from the stands and milling about on the grounds, cheering as the players moved through, but James didn't stop, his eyes scanning for one person.</p><p>He saw her, beaming next to Marlene, green eyes shining and cheeks pink from the October chill and blood-red hair cascading around her shoulders, and his heart swelled even more than it already was over winning, because he had won because of <em>her</em>—had gotten past Edgar like he had because of <em>her</em>—had pushed himself to shoot differently, more strategically, than he ever had before, and in front of professional scouts, no less, because of <em>her</em>—and he didn't even think as he made his way over to where his friends stood in a mingling crowd of students, didn't even notice he'd walked right past his parents standing with a group of teachers, didn't see anyone else, didn't hear what people were shouting at him, he just went straight up to Lily, dropping his broom, and slid his hands around her neck and kissed her.</p><p>For a moment, the world melted away. There were only her hands, as she lifted them to his chest and curled them to hold fistfuls of his robes, and her lips, molding against his and tasting like strawberry chapstick, and her tongue, meeting his as her head tipped back for him, and it was only after he felt her release his robes and gently push against his chest that he pulled back from her, breathless, and said quietly, "That all just happened because of <em>you</em>, Evans."</p><p>She blushed, biting her lips as she smiled and said quietly back, "Just trying to help out my Head Boy."</p><p>James grinned, head spinning, heart threatening to burst out of his body. She was <em>perfect</em>. She was <em>incredible</em>. She had just let him kiss her in public (which—oops?—he also needed to think about the repercussions of that—but later), she had kissed him <em>back</em> in public, she <em>wanted</em>—</p><p>"Oi, Potter!"</p><p>James turned to see Ludo waving him over from where he stood next to a man Ludo's size but with bright orange hair and a thick beard, both striped with streaks of white, and for a moment James stopped in his tracks. He felt Lily give him a little push as she said, "Go."</p><p>And, feeling like he was moving in slow motion, like he was out of his body, he walked over toward Ludo, his friend grinning as he said, "Potter, this is—"</p><p>But James cut in, saying, "Hamish MacFarlan—sir, it's an honor."</p><p>James had idolized him his whole life. Hamish MacFarlan had played Chaser for the Montrose Magpies, captaining them for eleven years and leading them to win the European Quidditch League Cup and multiple British and Irish Quidditch League Cup titles, and since he retired he had been the Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports.</p><p>Hamish grinned at him and stuck out a meaty hand as he said in a deep, gravelly voice, "Sorry to pull you away from your girlfriend, she's a fair lass. Potter, is it?"</p><p>James's stomach did backflips at the sound of that word—<em>girlfriend</em>—out of a stranger's mouth and the realization that he and Lily had looked like a real <em>couple</em>. He couldn't meet Ludo's eye, so he just shook Hamish's hand as he said, "Yeah, James. James Potter."</p><p>"You'll be Euphie and Flea's boy?"</p><p>James nodded, slightly bewildered that Hamish MacFarlan knew his parents (or, at least, knew of them). "Yeah. They're here somewhere, I think."</p><p>Hamish made a gravelly grunting sound, but looked pleased. "I've met them a couple times, those fancy Ministry shin-digs, you know. Great people."</p><p>Ludo inclined his head toward James. "Hamish is a family friend. He's been a mentor, helped me get in touch with camps and everything."</p><p>James felt a hand at his back and looked over to see his dad pulling up next to him, a wide grin on his face, and then Fleamont and Hamish shook hands, exchanging greetings, recalling the last time they'd met each other.</p><p>Hamish turned back to James, looking him over. His eyes were the lightest blue James had ever seen, the effect with his hair wildly piercing.</p><p>"That was an incredible game you just played, Potter."</p><p>James grinned. "Thank you, sir."</p><p>"You interested in talking to some folks? I imagine you might be good enough to skip reserves on some teams."</p><p>Those normal fluttery nerves he got before matches had somehow quadrupled, taken over his whole body. "Yeah, definitely."</p><p>A hint of a smile played on Hamish's mouth as he made that pleased-sounding grunt again. "I'll drop a line to a few people. Expect some owls."</p><p>James nodded, shook Hamish's outstretched hand. "Thank you, sir."</p><p>Hamish waved him off as he said, "The League could use a Chaser like you." And then, to Fleamont, "I think I had more fun watching your boy fly than watching him score."</p><p>And he gave James a hearty slap on the arm, one last parting incline of his head, and then he and Ludo were turning to go.</p><p>James looked over at his dad and exchanged what he was sure was his own incredulous look. "Did that really just happen?"</p><p>Fleamont grinned at him, jostling his shoulder. "<em>Yes</em>, James. You just got scouted by <em>Hamish</em> fucking <em>MacFarlan</em>."</p><p>Somehow, his dad swearing made it more real than anything else could have in that moment.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily stood with her friends, listening to the snatches of conversation recounting plays and Dorcas's commentary, but only half participating, as her lips still felt tingly from that very unexpected and very steamy kiss James Potter had just planted on her—very publicly. Her friends had all beamed at her, but perhaps seeing her blush and appear to be in slight shock, had gratefully not said anything, turning to normal post-match chatter and letting her to recover in relative privacy as she kept stealing glances at James talking with Ludo and someone whom she assumed was a scout. And then, out of nowhere, a sight that sent another way of nervous shock up her spine: Fleamont, striding up to James.</p><p>Almost simultaneously, Marlene stuck her arm high in the air, calling, "Euphie!"</p><p>Lily's head whipped around, more nerves suddenly zinging through her body. James's parents were <em>here</em>? They had come to <em>watch</em>? Lily mentally scolded herself. Euphemia was <em>Chairwoman</em>. Their son was Head Boy <em>and</em> Gryffindor's Quidditch Captain to boot. Of <em>course</em> they did. They had probably come to <em>all</em> of his matches, and Lily had just never known or paid attention.</p><p>Euphemia turned her head toward Marlene, her eyes pausing at Lily as she surveyed their group, and she waved back with a smile as she started to make her way over. Even dressed casually, in dark jeans and glossy black riding boots and a cashmere cape that draped and cinched elegantly, Euphemia managed to look positively regal.</p><p>She greeted their friends with warm hugs and exclamations, seemingly saving Lily for last. Lily's stomach seemed to be doing somersaults as Euphemia finally turned toward her, hazel eyes twinkling just like her son's. With a warm smile, teeth sparkling, Euphemia pulled Lily into a hug, her faint rose scent filling Lily's nose as she said softly in her ear, "That was quite a kiss."</p><p>Lily blushed, and she bit her lip as Euphemia pulled back, that sparkle still in her eye. Nodding, Lily said quietly back, "I—I really like him."</p><p>Euphemia beamed at her.</p><p>Just then, James walked back up to their group with Fleamont and put his arm around Euphemia as he said, "Hey, Mum."</p><p>She reached up and cupped his cheek. "Oh, <em>Jamesie</em>, you played <em>wonderfully</em>—"</p><p>Fleamont clapped him on the back and told her, "Hamish MacFarlan thought so, too."</p><p>"Hamish is here?"</p><p>"Yeah, he had a little chat with James just now—"</p><p>Sirius broke in, incredulous. "<em>Hamish</em> bloody <em>MacFarlan</em> is recruiting you?"</p><p>Mary shrieked, yanking on James's arm as she jumped up and down, and the conversation continued on excitedly.</p><p>At some point, James turned to Euphemia, his voice concerned as he asked, "Mum, why are you crying?"</p><p>Euphemia dabbed at her eyes with a silk handkerchief, saying thickly, "Oh, Jamesie, it's just that—that was the—l-last time that I'll ever watch you all—p-play <em>Hufflepuff</em>—"</p><p>James's eyes were wide as he exchanged an amused look with Fleamont, and then he pulled Euphemia in towards his chest, rubbing her shoulder as he said, "Mum, we've still got two more matches."</p><p>Euphemia sniffed, waving her handkerchief as she leaned into James and said, "Yes, yes, I know, and I'll cry after both of them."</p><p>James gave her a kiss on the head and squeezed her shoulder, and Sirius and Mary crowded in, smiling and laughing as Euphemia broke away from James to hug them both.</p><p>Lily faded back, watching the unfolding conversation with a surge of affection, and then she felt a hand slip into her own, and she looked over to see Marlene's chocolate eyes fixed on hers. With an impish smile, Marlene leaned into Lily's ear and whispered, "You're holding his broom for him, Lil. Sure does seem like a girlfriend thing to do, don't you think?"</p><p>Lily blushed and rolled her eyes, but she was saved from responding by Sirius's loud rallying call of, "Gryffindor common room, after party, let's go! Prongs, we'll catch you later."</p><p>She barely had time to wonder what that meant when Euphemia was suddenly touching her arm lightly, saying, "Lily, you'll join us, won't you?"</p><p>James cut in as he reached to take his broom back, telling her, "We go down to The Three Broomsticks after my matches. It's why I'm always late to the after party."</p><p>Lily stared at him. She'd noticed he was late to the after parties the year before, but she'd always assumed he'd been with a girl, though now that she thought about it, she had no idea why she'd assumed that.</p><p>"Oh, if this is your family thing, I—"</p><p>Euphemia cut her off, her eyes sparkling. "Nonsense, they'll only talk about Quidditch unless you come with. I really do insist, Lily."</p><p>She blushed and nodded, and after exchanging a brief smile with James, he set off for the locker rooms to shower and change, and Lily found herself alone with James's parents.</p><p>They didn't even leave time for her to wonder about feeling awkward over the library situation, setting in immediately with a flurry of questions about her classes, about how being Head Girl was going, about her research with Slughorn, and in no time at all, James was back from the locker room, looking like a dream with his damp hair and fresh face and wearing jeans and a gray jumper under a quilted jacket, and the four of them set off toward Hogsmeade.</p><p>It was strange being in The Three Broomsticks without the massive press of students around, and Lily took in the sight of pub regulars around them as they sat at a table and Fleamont waved Rosmerta over. She was ecstatic to see Euphemia and Fleamont, overjoyed to hear about Gryffindor winning, and Lily didn't miss the significant look she cast her way as she took their orders and then set off for the bar.</p><p>Rosmerta had barely left when a new female voice called, "Hey, James!"</p><p>He turned and got up, smiling as he said, "Greta, hey."</p><p>Lily's stomach gave a strange lurch as she took in the girl now giving James a friendly hug. Lily remembered her from school, as she had just been the year ahead of them in Gryffindor. Greta wasn't much taller than Lily, with an athletic build and long chestnut hair that held natural, bouncy curls. She realized, strangely, that she had always liked Greta, but that she'd never known Greta and James had history until James had casually mentioned in that broom closet that Greta had been his first kiss and that they'd gone out awhile during their fifth year. The memory of James's voice—<em>old school, like fifth-year shit</em>—echoed in her mind. Had Greta gotten off in James's lap? A new heat surged in Lily's stomach as she watched them standing in such close proximity, twistedly trying to imagine younger versions of them wrapped around each other.</p><p><em>Why</em> did she feel the need to torture herself like that?</p><p>Lily pulled herself back to the present, hearing James ask, "What are you doing out here?"</p><p>"Officially, I'm here to see Ludo," Greta told him. "But he didn't have to do much today, so I mostly watched you."</p><p>James chuckled good-naturedly. "Yeah, our defense had it easy."</p><p>"He mentioned you might have come around about being interested in a contract?"</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah. Maybe."</p><p>Greta smiled at him and handed him a small scroll of parchment. "I'll be back in a few weeks for the Ravenclaw-Slytherin match. We can meet up after if you want, talk options."</p><p>James took the parchment from her as he said, "Yeah, sounds great."</p><p>Greta looked around their table with a wave, and then turned back toward a table where Ludo sat with his father. James resumed his seat, and then Rosmerta brought their drinks over ("Cheers, Ros"), and Lily didn't miss how Euphemia's eyes twinkled at James over the rim of her glass.</p><p>"Changed your mind, have you?"</p><p>Lily got the impression this was a continuation from a previous conversation, Euphemia picking up the thread where'd they'd last left it, and James just nodded, saying "Yeah, I've been thinking it more, I guess. Especially after what happened at Slughorn's welcome back party."</p><p>Euphemia's eyes were knowing, and Lily knew she only changed the subject then so they wouldn't say too much in public.</p><p>After spending time with Fleamont and James at the Quidditch World Cup, Lily shouldn't have been surprised at how easy it was to hang out with the Potters like that, but somehow she was. She hadn't even had time to be properly nervous, though she vaguely thought that had probably worked to her advantage. They talked about the match, of course, and the teachers' reactions to Dorcas's commentary in the Governors' box, and Lily chided James about whether his <em>abs of steel</em> had cushioned the blow he'd taken, making him blush into his pint of Butterbeer as his parents tittered. They talked about Dumbledore, and his parents shared memories of knowing him even when they were at Hogwarts, which Lily found fascinating. They talked about classes, and about Slughorn and his parties, James and Lily both agreeing that Fleamont should show up sometime to make things more lively. And at some point, James's hand slid over to her lap under the table, his fingers lightly entwining with hers, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>They were all on their second round of drinks when it happened. They got on the subject of funny things James and Lily had busted younger students doing on rounds or in the hallways, and Lily chided James some more about how he didn't like being a disciplinarian and instead wanted to give students advice on how to break the rules better the next time, which sent Euphemia and Fleamont into fits and to which Fleamont joked, "Maybe take your own advice, next time, and you won't get your girl in detention, eh?"</p><p>Lily's jaw hit the table, James choked into his Butterbeer, Fleamont just winked at her, and Euphemia hid her laugh behind her hand as she looked between the three of them before saying, her voice just a smidge lower, "Well, really, Flea, like father, like son, or have you forgotten?"</p><p>Now it was Fleamont's turn to chuckle into his pint, shaking his head slightly. "Haven't forgotten, love."</p><p>James's eyes narrowed. "Forgotten what?"</p><p>Euphemia pursed her lips for a moment, swirling her glass, and then said quietly, "<em>We</em> got caught. By the headmaster."</p><p>Lily's jaw fell even further as James blurted out, "<em>Where?"</em></p><p>Fleamont met Euphemia's eyes over his pint, then said, "Astronomy Tower."</p><p>James looked about as shocked as Lily felt.</p><p>Euphemia rolled her eyes as she grumbled, "<em>Apparently</em> he liked to go stargaze when he had <em>insomnia</em>."</p><p>Fleamont raised his eyebrows as he cast a sideways glance at Euphemia. "Saw a lot more than stars that night—"</p><p>"Okay," James interjected, "we don't need to—"</p><p>Euphemia was blushing, shaking her head. "No," she agreed, "you don't, although"—she gave Lily a significant look—"I brought this up because if it makes you feel any better, Lily, you should know I was in the exact same, shall we say, <em>moment</em> as you, just…without any clothes on, outside, and walked in on by a crotchety old man in his pyjamas."</p><p>They all burst into laughter, tears streaming deliriously from their eyes, and Lily barely had time to register that Euphemia seemed to know Lily had been in the middle of <em>climaxing</em> when they were caught in the library because she was so overwhelmed by the strange, hilarious kinship of knowing that someone as poised and admirable as Euphemia had been caught in the same situation, but even worse, and with another Potter boy.</p><p>As they all slowly calmed down from their laughing fit, James gave Lily's hand a squeeze in her lap, and then Euphemia gave Lily a knowing smile, her eyes twinkling. "Nothing to be ashamed of, dear, though do make sure you employ a lookout if you ever decide to spend a night on the Astronomy Tower, hmm?"</p><p>James choked on his Butterbeer again but Lily, feeling a strange confidence and sudden ease she couldn't describe, winked as she looked between Euphemia and Fleamont, and from the way their bodies moved just then, both of them smiling without looking at each other, Lily would have bet anything that, had she looked under the table, she would have seen them holding hands just like her and James were.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Having made their way back to the castle and said goodbye to Euphemia and Fleamont, Lily and James walked back to Gryffindor Tower, the buzz of a few drinks and the increasing excitement for the party they knew awaited them making her spine tingle. Well, James's hand in hers was probably contributing to that, too.</p><p>They let go as they walked through the portrait hole, and James was immediately engulfed by a swarm of cheering Gryffindors. Lily skirted around the crowd for the drinks table, grabbing a couple of bottles of mead and then finding James pulled into the circle of their friends by the fire. He grinned at her as he took the bottle she offered, already immersed in a play-by-play discussion all the more enthusiastic for having James there. Lily watched him participate happily, engaging with his friends and teammates as they excitedly relived favorite parts of the match.</p><p>He suddenly spluttered, "<em>What</em>? Diggle nearly <em>fell</em> off his <em>broom?" </em>Remus and Kingsley had tears of mirth streaming down their faces, bent double as their bodies trembled with laughter, and Lily found herself chuckling along as she recalled the scene.</p><p>"How did I miss this?"</p><p>Sirius clapped James on the shoulder, his own eyes still watery from doing his theatrical impression whilst telling the story. "You were scoring, mate."</p><p>"It was after—stole the Quaffle—from him," Remus added between laughs as he tried to collect himself. "You broke away—making for Bones—and he—he—"</p><p>Sirius raised his arms above his head and pirouetted dramatically, purposefully flailing his arms as he got wobbly.</p><p>"He <em>lost </em>his bloody <em>balance</em>?"</p><p>Everyone laughed harder, like they were all remembering not only that moment, but the boys' subsequent coordinated pirouetting as the game had gone on.</p><p>"You didn't hear the commentary?" asked Ludo. "Dorcas full-on narrated it, she was <em>beside</em> herself, you could tell—"</p><p>Mary held her Butterbeer in front of her like a microphone. "'AND HE'S TIPPING OVER—<em>HE'S HANGING ON</em>—I SAY, DIGGLE, HAVE YOU BEEN PRACTICING YOUR SLOTH IMPRESSION?'"</p><p>Ludo swatted Kingsley's chest. "You have a funny girl, you lucky bastard." Kingsley only smiled coyly through his laughter.</p><p>James shook his head, a hand on his side, like he had a stitch. "I missed out, I didn't hear any of that."</p><p>"'Course not," chimed Sirius, "you were too busy feinting all over Bones."</p><p>"Yeah, and he fell for every one," added Peter.</p><p>"Ah, that last one was the best," said Sirius, "bloke tried to change directions mid-dive, looked like a bloody flobberworm—"</p><p>James cast her a hesitant look across their group, like he wasn't sure if them taking the mick over Edgar like that would bother her, but Lily just tilted her bottle toward him in a silent salute and winked at him.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>They lasted approximately one drink before James found his way to her side, ducking his head to her ear to whisper, "I need to be alone with you."</p><p>Lily couldn't hold back the smile from her face, and her girlfriends totally saw from where they were all mingling nearby. Dahlia met her eye, inclining her head with a knowing look as she raised her Butterbeer in Lily's direction.</p><p>Biting her lip, Lily turned to look up at James, finding his eyes already somewhat dilated, glued on only her, and she murmured, "Lead the way, J."</p><p>The look that passed over his face just then, like he couldn't believe she was real, went straight to her heart, and, feeling a sudden overwhelming wave of affection, of <em>pride</em>, she slipped her fingers through his and smiled at him, drinking in the grin on his face before he tugged her toward the portrait hole, not even caring about the catcalling after them as they moved through the crowd.</p><p>Once the Fat Lady swung shut, blocking the sounds of revelry them, Lily asked, "Where to, Captain?"</p><p>He gave her that look again, something like wonder and desire all mixed together, and said, "I have somewhere to show you."</p><p>She narrowed her eyes. "Oh-kay."</p><p>He led her down a seventh floor corridor she didn't use much, stopping in front of a blank stretch of wall opposite a tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy she had always found rather amusing. With a sly smile, he closed his eyes, then proceeded to pace back and forth in front of the blank wall. Lily crossed her arms, having spent enough time with the Marauders by this point to know not to question bizarre behavior, and sure enough, there was suddenly a door.</p><p>James turned the handle, then opened it for her. Lily's jaw dropped.</p><p>They were standing in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, an enchanted starry sky above them, but it couldn't be <em>real</em>, they weren't <em>outside</em>—</p><p>James shut the door quietly behind him, then said softly, "The Room of Requirement. Also called the come-and-go room. It turns into whatever you want it to be."</p><p>She turned slowly on the spot, gazing up around them. "It feels like we're really—wow. Is this what it looks like for you, when you're down there?"</p><p>He chuckled, coming to stand in front of her. "Yeah. You get used to it, though."</p><p>Lily arched a brow at him. "You are <em>such</em> a prat, Potter."</p><p>He looked confused. "Sorry?"</p><p>Lily laughed, reaching up for his neck as she stood on her tiptoes. "Such a fucking sexy, arrogant <em>prat</em>—you want to get blown in the middle of the <em>pitch</em>? <em>Really</em>?"</p><p>He blushed, finally catching on, and chuckled as he said, "Well, I wanted to be under the stars with you, and I figured enchanted grass was more comfortable than the Astronomy Tower—"</p><p>She kissed him, her heart melting at all of it. Wanting to be under the stars with her? As if it could get any more romantic than that. Thinking about her comfort for what they were about to do? As if he could get any sweeter.</p><p>James pulled her to the ground, wrapping her against him in a tangle of limbs, and they traded a flurry of heated kisses as they rolled in the charmed grass, soft as the most comfortable bed. Lily trailed her fingers down his front, then pushed up and swung a leg over him, seeing James close his eyes briefly as she did so.</p><p>"Evans…"</p><p>She crouched down over him, kissing his neck while she gently rocked her hips, and he groaned under her, holding tight to her thighs. She could feel him harden underneath her, her own familiar ache rising inside her for more of him. Leaving him with one last wicked smile, Lily scooted back, pushing his jumper up to trail kisses over his chest, around his abdomen, gentle where he was bruised from taking the Bludger, and his hands buried in her hair as she moved lower, taking her time around the sharp cuts of his obliques, wanting to show him how much she admired him.</p><p>James was making soft noises low in his throat, and Lily swiftly unbuckled his belt and fly, shimmying his trousers and briefs down around his hips as she nuzzled into his pelvis, bringing her lips to that sensitive skin between his hips she'd never tasted before.</p><p>She lowered her face to his arousal, dotting kisses around him so he'd feel the brush of her cheek, her breath, the tickle of her hair. The only other time she'd been this up close and personal with him, she'd been decently drunk, and even though she'd had a handful of drinks already that afternoon, she suddenly felt clear-headed, consumed only with <em>want</em> for him, that primal desire to lavish him with her mouth suddenly overwhelming her.</p><p>She licked him, one long swipe of her tongue from bottom to top, and thought she had never heard a more strangled or amazing sound come out of James just then. He reached for her head, gathering her hair in his hands, and Lily glanced up at him, meeting his eyes as she gave him another lingering lick. His mouth was open, his eyes dark yet hazy at the same time.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>. Lily. I've fantasized about you down on me for so fucking long."</p><p>She smiled. "Well, I <em>am</em> your dream girl, Potter."</p><p>That wondrous look passed over his face, but she turned her eyes back to him, dotting kisses up his length, sliding wet lips over him teasingly, and then, slowly, tilting her head side-to-side to lap her tongue around him, gradually picking up her pace, Dahlia's instructions echoing in her mind. <em>Hold off as long as you can taking him in your mouth, just—lick him like he's an ice cream cone that's melting, it'll drive him fucking</em> <em>wild</em>.</p><p>She had to fight a smile as James raked fingertips desperately through her hair, his hips squirming underneath her like she'd never seen him squirm before, and he choked out a raspy string of, "<em>Lily</em>—fuck—Lily <em>please</em>—"</p><p>With a final lick that went almost all the way to the top, she lifted her eyes to his, found him watching her, raw desire written all over his face. <em>Then tease him at the top.</em> <em>All tongue, he's really a tongue guy. And then touch him while you do.</em></p><p>Lily licked his head and watched his reaction flicker over his face. His tip was supple, smooth under her tongue, and she licked him with gentle, swirling laps. James was immediately hissing a near-constant mantra of <em>Lily's</em> and <em>fucks</em> and <em>please's</em>, his hips still squirming, his fingers still clawing. Lily closed her hand around him, pumping him gently while she kept licking his head, and it only made him more restless, his words more heated.</p><p>
  <em>Then slow it back down, and take him in your mouth but really draw it out, go as deep as you can, and just let him feel your lips sliding around for awhile. </em>
</p><p>She paused her hand at the bottom, and then closed her mouth around him, taking him in her mouth in a long, slow slide.</p><p>His voice was hoarse, something guttural, as he groaned, "Gods, <em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>She teased him, sliding her mouth up and down his length as she slowly turned her head, and James let out another sighing groan.</p><p><em>And then add your tongue back in. He</em> <em>'ll lose it. </em></p><p>He did. All it took was the pressure of her tongue around him as she kept up her long strokes up and down, her hand still twisting firmly around him, and he was suddenly a swearing, squirming mess underneath her.</p><p>"Fuck, <em>fuck</em>—Lil—that's so good—"</p><p><em>You'll know he's actually starting to get close when he starts thrusting into your mouth. </em>James was rocking his hips up in time with the slides of her lips and the strokes of her hand, and his voice was gravelly, strained, as he moaned her name. <em>You can hold him off here for awhile if you slow it back down, go back to what you were doing before. </em>Someday, Lily was going to lay James back on his bed, or in front of the mantel of their office, and she was going to do just that—lick and suck and lavish his cock and see just how long she could hold him off until he would finally come undone. But not now, because even more than he wanted release, she wanted to give it to him.</p><p><em>When you</em><em>'re ready to actually make him come, keep sucking him off at the top while you work him with your hand. He likes fast strokes, and keep it really tonguey on his head. </em>The next time her mouth was at the top, she stayed there, immediately bringing her hand back to work him with those strokes she already knew he liked while she swirled wet lips and tongue around his head.</p><p>His voice was heated, louder. "<em>Fuck</em>—oh, like that—fuck yes—<em>Lil</em>—faster—baby, I'm—<em>fuck</em>—so close—"</p><p><em>You swallow? </em>Lily hadn't with Edgar, as he'd always pulled her off in time, but she wanted to for James, and Dahlia had walked her through it. <em>He'll probably tell you when he's really close, but you'll be able to feel it anyway, he'll get all tense and he'll just feel bigger, you know? </em>Lily did know. She recognized how he felt, could sense from how he was whimpering and saying her name, laced with that <em>edge</em>, that <em>warning</em>, that he was almost there. <em>And that's when you take him deeper in your mouth and </em>really<em> suck. Like, that squeezing you were doing with your hand at the top, try to recreate that with your mouth, and then keep your hand on him a little lower. </em>It was like having her very own James Potter sex manual; she had never been more grateful for Dahlia than she was just then, as she carried out Dahlia's instructions and felt James respond more intensely than she'd ever imagined he would. Lily swirled her tongue around him as she sucked, keeping her grip firm, and she had to fight not to smile as another strangled and amazing sound came out of James just then.</p><p>"Babe—don't stop—oh, <em>fuck</em>—Lily—that's<em> it</em>—"</p><p><em>You want him toward the back of your throat when he comes, so you can just knock it back, like a shot. You won</em><em>'t even really taste it. But keep sucking him as he comes, he'll fucking scream, Lily.</em> She tipped him deeper in her mouth while she swirled her tongue against him, knowing it was any moment now.</p><p>A new edge was in his voice. "Fuck <em>fuck</em>—Lil—<em>Lil</em>—"</p><p>She heard his raw, guttural cry, like he had just been gutted with a knife, like he had lost all control, right as she felt the warm rush of him bursting into her mouth, and she knocked it back as she used her tongue as leverage to keep sucking on him, keep swallowing, and then she heard it—another cry, something whimpering and higher pitched and so uncontrolled she knew she had done it—had unraveled him as completely as he'd unraveled her against that greenhouse window. He shuddered underneath her, and she kept sucking him until he was done, until his fingertips suddenly pressed harder against her head and he hissed, like he was too sensitive. Lily slowly released him from her mouth, meeting his eyes as she wiped the spit from her chin. Wordlessly, he reached for her, and Lily crawled back over him, lowering herself down against him as he slid his hands around her neck and pulled her mouth down to his, immediately slipping his tongue in her mouth, like he wanted to taste himself on her, and something about that left Lily feeling more crazed, more debauched, more outside reality than she'd ever felt.</p><p>She barely heard him when he pulled back to murmur, "Your turn," and she gasped softly as he rolled her onto her back and then shoved up her jumper to gently trail his own lips and tongue around her breasts, down her stomach, over her hips, before removing her jeans and knickers. Her eyes met his as he kneeled in front of her, and she realized that he had somehow lost his own jeans and briefs in the process, and that he was pulling his jumper over his head. Lily pulled off her own, arching her back to unfasten her bra and toss it aside, and he was grinning down at her, saying, "You're gorgeous, Lily," before tossing his glasses onto his jumper.</p><p>And then he was trailing kisses up her leg, sucking on the insides of her thighs, tracing circles around her hipbones with his tongue, and Lily squirmed under him, impatient now for the pleasure she knew awaited her. James lowered himself onto his stomach between her legs, and somehow, Lily felt far more vulnerable just then than she had in the greenhouse. He guided her legs over his shoulders, slipped his hands under her bum to prop her up, and then lowered his mouth to her. She was immediately submerged in pleasure, his tongue pressing familiar warm laps over her opening, and Lily moaned softly as twined fingers in his hair.</p><p>Her whole spine seemed to sink into the charmed grass, her mind spinning as the enchanted sky above her imprinted itself on her eyelids, her body flooding with zinging pleasure at each stroke of his tongue. She moaned his name, over and over, like she was incapable of remembering any other word, and her hips squirmed against his mouth, still somehow seeking <em>more</em>, wanting him closer, deeper, however impossible that seemed. His eyes flicked up to hers, sparkling in the faux moonlight, and she thought he might have been fighting a smile by how the pressure of his tongue changed just then, how he tilted his head and gave her a new lick, a new press of his lips.</p><p>She was arching, pulling, whimpering, unraveling. And soon her knees were raising, her thighs were trembling, and James's hands palming her cheeks were squeezing, like he was trying to pull her closer, and his mouth was slanting, his lips sliding, his tongue lapping in fast strokes, and then—</p><p>"Fuck, <em>James</em>—don't stop, I'm—<em>fuck</em>—J, yes—yes,<em> there</em>—babe—<em>don't stop</em>—"</p><p>He did the opposite of stop—he lapped at her faster, keeping his tongue on her instead of fully drawing it away, and it was like he was pushing her over the edge in slow motion, like she was a glass tipping slowly as it turned over, and then all at once everything crashed over her, and the moan that flew out of her lips was a ringing, strangled cry, and James's tongue was pushing <em>inside</em>, like he wanted to <em>feel</em> her, and she could barely comprehend that through the stars bursting behind her eyes, meshing with the stars in the enchanted night sky when she tried to open her eyes, wanting to <em>see</em> him as she came, and it was like he knew because just then he looked up at her, finding her eyes on him, and he pulled his head back just enough that she could watch as he licked her, and she was unraveling all over again, at edges of pleasure she'd never explored.</p><p>James pulled his mouth away, withdrawing his hands from under her, and then crawled up to hover over her. She didn't even think; she just grabbed his face, lifting her mouth to his, tasting herself on his tongue, and she barely noticed him shifting above her but then she felt him, long and smooth, sliding inside, and her groan was almost a scream against his mouth. He paused, breaking their kiss, eyes searching hers.</p><p>"Okay, Lil?"</p><p>She nodded, biting her lip. "Just—didn't expect—too good—"</p><p>He smiled at her, ducking his head to nuzzle her neck as he thrust slowly into her, his breath hot on her skin as he murmured, "I'm gonna come fast, Lily. I was getting close—just from feeling you—on my mouth. Fuck, you feel <em>amazing</em>."</p><p>Lily clung to him, one hand reaching up to hold onto the back of his neck as her other hand pressed between his shoulders. She tilted her head toward his ear, let her lips brush his skin as she coaxed him. "So do you, J. Come on, I want to feel you. I <em>love</em> feeling you come."</p><p>His voice was raspy, strangled, where he still had his face buried in her neck. "Can you—go again?"</p><p>She shook her head lightly, her voice breathless; she felt almost numb, not sure that whatever he'd started with his mouth had actually stopped once he'd slid inside. "No, I'm still—I'm good—just come, babe."</p><p>A low, almost purring noise sounded in the back of his throat at that, and he suddenly started thrusting into her with quick, shallow strokes, their slick sounds echoing around them. Lily was in a whirl of deja vu, her old original fantasy now merging with the present: James, looking windswept and sexy coming off the pitch; James, high on winning; James, leaving the common room party to be with <em>her</em>; James, on top of her, inside her, shagging her in celebratory euphoria because she was the only one he wanted like this; James, spent, sated, <em>happy</em>, all at her hand. And she was almost a little surprised to find that she'd been wanting more than anything to show him how <em>proud</em> she'd felt watching him, and that just then, she didn't even care about herself, she only wanted to lavish him with pleasure and relish in the sensation of making him burst for her.</p><p>Lily kept clinging onto his neck, his back, as she breathed in his ear, "I've been wanting you—all day—you're so <em>sexy</em> when you play, and—waiting to—make you come—was <em>torture</em>."</p><p>He groaned into her neck, his voice thick as he panted, "Lil—baby—oh—oh <em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>"It's all I've wanted to do all day, is just—<em>treat</em> you—and make you feel—<em>incredible</em>."</p><p>She heard his whimpering cry as she felt the heat of his release filling her, and she gripped his neck tighter, pressed a hand into the small of his back as he thrust into her, coaxing him through his climax with a murmured, "<em>Yes</em>, James, <em>gods</em> yes, keep coming, <em>fuck</em>, I love feeling you."</p><p>After the waves of his orgasm finally seemed to have subsided, James collapsed against her, laying on top of her with all of his weight, and Lily dotted kisses to wherever she could reach as she lazily stroked his spine.</p><p>"Lily." His voice was muffled, thick, from where his face was still buried in her neck. "I can't—that was—"</p><p>Lily giggled as she lifted fingers to play with his hair. "What's this? Gryffindor's mighty Quidditch Captain, reduced to mush?"</p><p>He answered with no hesitation. "Yes."</p><p>"You are quite a spoiled Head Boy, aren't you?"</p><p>James finally lifted his face from her neck, looking at her with dazed eyes. "I am the luckiest bloke to walk this <em>earth</em>, Lily."</p><p>She smiled at him, her heart swelling at the sight of his messy hair, his flushed cheeks, his swollen lips. "I feel pretty lucky too, you know."</p><p>He grinned softly, biting his lip while his eyes flitted between hers. "Why's that, Evans?"</p><p>Lily pulled his face toward hers, nuzzling his nose as she told him, "Because you're my dream boy, Potter, and you keep making all my fantasies come true."</p><p>She kissed him, feeling him fight a smile against her mouth, and had a fleeting thought of him on top of her like this after another match, one where he wore professional Quidditch robes instead of Gryffindor ones, and she vaguely thought, as his tongue fought to distract her, that she rather liked the idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Pot Meet Kettle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>The student body was having a heyday. All day Friday, everyone had talked about the explosive duel between the Head Boy and Girl that had seemed laced with sexually-charged innuendo even as they yelled their hatred at one another and the Head Girl shouted that she was not the Head Boy's girlfriend. And now, by Sunday lunch, the story on everyone's lips was that after winning gloriously over Hufflepuff, managing to score several incredible goals against the school's best Keeper, the first act of Gryffindor's star Chaser upon reaching the ground was to plant a hearty snog on the Head Girl, who thoroughly snogged her not-boyfriend right back. And what was <em>more</em>, sources from inside the Gryffindor common room itself confirmed that Gryffindor's Captain had showed up to the after party for all but thirty minutes before disappearing, hand-in-hand, with none other than—<em>gasp!</em>—the Head Girl. For over an hour.</p><p>It was all quite a lot for the cesspool known as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to handle, and James thought it might also be a lot for Lily, who wasn't used to having her name be gossip fodder as much as he was. But as he had done this post-match-party-gossip routine many a time, he had decided to grace the Great Hall with his hungover presence if only so he could get a whiff of exactly how crazy the stories had gotten.</p><p>Not that he could really tell what was true or not, because his memory of the night before ran out not long after he and Lily had finally returned to the common room, but Remus had assured him that he hadn't embarrassed himself, so that was something. It was honestly amazing he hadn't, considering he'd managed to get himself black-out in a very short period of time, but that morning, after James had already spent some quality time with his head in the toilet, Remus and Peter had relayed that his blacked-out state was the result of Sirius and James challenging Kingsley and Ludo to best-of-seven at Goblets, which James had played on an empty stomach, having missed the food that had been passed around when he was gone with Lily. He'd gone downhill very quickly after that, and thankfully, Remus and Peter had retired him to their dorm before any social damage could be done, so all people really had to talk about was that he had in all likelihood hooked up with the girl he'd fancied since fourth year and then proceeded to get sloshed out of his mind, but as he'd played like <em>that</em>, no one could fault him and really, as it was him, no one cared about the getting sloshed part.</p><p>No, all that people (well, <em>girls</em>) seemed to care about, whispering excitedly to each other all over the Great Hall, was what transpired between him and Lily. He'd already heard remnants of a story that he and Lily had been shagging in a spare classroom, yet, amazingly, they were also said to have been in a broom closet three floors down at the exact same time, where Lily had been "overheard" calling him "Captain" as they "shagged." Really, if they were going to start rumors, couldn't they all be a little more creative?</p><p>(Also, he wasn't sure he liked the idea of her calling him that in the act. Adelaide had tried it once after a match and he hadn't liked it then, either. His captaincy felt almost sacred, something exclusively for his teammates, and to turn it sexual like that almost made him uneasy, like it would be infringing on a part of his identity it shouldn't touch. No, he much preferred hearing his name in that throaty, desperate voice Lily had when she was worked up for him.)</p><p>Unsurprisingly, the idea of longtime antagonists turned Head Boy and Girl getting sexy behind closed doors was taking like Fiendfyre, but what <em>was</em> surprising, at least to James, was how the cesspool hadn't jumped to the conclusion of them <em>dating</em> at all, but was instead assuming they were just casually hooking up. He'd actually overheard the words "Potter's new fuck buddy," as he'd walked toward Gryffindor table, though he'd been too hungover to turn around and figure out who'd said it, let alone give a smart retort back. Though, now that he thought about it, he supposed his prior relationships had been more of the fuck-buddy variety, and Lily <em>had</em> just shouted in front of their grade that she wasn't "his fucking girlfriend," so…he supposed he couldn't be that surprised at the rumors.</p><p>James nibbled on a piece of bread. Across the table, Remus eyed him warily, then said, "You're looking a little pale, Prongs."</p><p>He shrugged, preferring to keep his mouth shut for the moment. Though he'd felt recovered enough to walk downstairs when they had been upstairs, he was now starting to regret that decision, both because of all the movement and noise, and also because the realization that Lily was being cast as somewhat of a slag made his stomach turn.</p><p>Marlene sighed as she poured herself a glass of juice. "Some company you lot are."</p><p>Mary grunted a response, her head in her hands, and Sirius, whom James had assumed was asleep with his head pillowed in crossed arms, raised a hand to flash her his middle finger. Dahlia giggled, and then Peter asked, "Say, where's Lily?"</p><p>James looked between Remus and Marlene; he hadn't seen her yet that morning, as she hadn't gone down to breakfast with the rest of them.</p><p>Marlene just shrugged. "Said she had to get something and then she'd be down."</p><p>He managed two more bites of bread by the time Lily appeared, cheeks flushed like she'd been in a hurry. She received some catcalls as she walked through the Great Hall, but she just rolled her eyes and gave a snarky wave when she recognized who spoke to her, and when Polly Parkinson drawled rather loudly, "Giving Potter that Mudblood snatch now, Evans?" Lily just <em>laughed</em> and retorted, "Jealous, Pol? Not sure he'd want yours."</p><p>So maybe she'd handle this better than he'd thought.</p><p>Grinning widely, Lily walked up the Gryffindor table and held up two handfuls of small sealed vials, saying, "This is the last of my stash, you're all lucky I like you."</p><p>Mary groaned in relief. "I fucking love you, Lily."</p><p>Lily just smiled and said, "Yes, yes, remember that next time we're trying to carry you upstairs, will you?"</p><p>James managed a chuckle as he took the vial she offered him, recognizing the familiar sight of her headache elixir, and he downed it like a shot, grimacing only slightly at the sour taste as it worked its magic instantly in his body.</p><p>"You're a fucking life-saver, Evans."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes but looked pleased as she sat a few spots down the table from him.</p><p>The rest of lunch passed amiably, their group in much more lively spirits once everyone in dire straits had gotten a dose of the headache elixir, and they eventually relocated to the Gryffindor common room for an afternoon of homework. He felt a strange sense of deja vu sitting there at the table, watching Lily settle into her favorite spot by the fire, setting piles of work around her. Once upon a time a month ago, they'd been in this exact set-up and had ended up fooling around for the first time in a potions store cupboard. And now, here they were, on the verge of actually dating. Time was funny like that.</p><p>He and Dahlia were just muddling through their Potions essay, which they had to do as partners, evaluating and analyzing the results of the comparison of their final concoction of Skele-gro against the store-bottled and Ministry-approved version, when he felt her elbow bump him lightly. Looking over at her, he saw Dahlia smiling at him impishly as she said quietly, "Brain on the potion, lover boy, not getting blown."</p><p>His jaw fell. "Wha—how d'you—"</p><p>She winked. "Let's just say I…knew it was coming?"</p><p>He chuckled, shaking his head, and then something clicked. Glancing at Lily, seeing her fully preoccupied in her translation, he lowered his voice to a whisper.</p><p>"Wait, did she—talk to you?"</p><p>Dahlia's eyes darted quickly around them, making sure no one nearby was listening. "You know I never shared details about you to anyone before, but I figured with her I could make an exception."</p><p>"Meaning…"</p><p>Dahlia shrugged, her eyes glittering. "Meaning we might have been getting ready together yesterday. And she might have told me about your little deal. And she might have asked me what you…<em>like</em>. And I might have told her."</p><p>James felt his eyebrows crawling up his forehead. He should have realized it before. He knew Lily had only gone down on Edgar before, and yet she had done everything he liked, right out of the gate. He had just been too blissed out to add it up.</p><p>Lily had gone to Dahlia. To talk to her about going <em>down</em> on him. Because she <em>wanted</em> to. Because she'd wanted to get it <em>right</em>. For <em>him</em>.</p><p>He'd never heard anything more indescribably <em>hot</em> in his life.</p><p>"Dahl." His voice was suddenly hoarse, and he had to clear his throat. "You, um—need to take over writing this."</p><p>Her eyebrows quirked. "And why's that?"</p><p>"Because I need to go upstairs for a minute."</p><p>She rolled her eyes, that impish grin back on her face. "Just a minute, huh?"</p><p>James felt a rare flush creeping up around his neck. "Yes," he whispered. "Shut up."</p><p>Dahlia snorted, then slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles as she garnered a few curious glances, but James was already slipping out of his chair and making for his dormitory.</p><p>What he'd said to Dahlia hadn't been <em>all</em> pretext—the first thing he did upon going upstairs <em>was</em> to shut himself in the lavatory and get himself off to thoughts of Lily from the night before, which took an embarrassingly short amount of time—but once that was taken care of, he set to rummaging around for the notes he'd kept on his and Sirius's two-way mirrors.</p><p>Because just then, downstairs with Dahlia, surrounded by their friends and in public and with no prospect of being alone with all of their homework looming, he'd wanted to talk to Lily, <em>just</em> Lily, more than ever.</p><p>And he'd had an idea.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Why was it, that as soon as the entire school knew she had snogged James Potter after the opening Quidditch match, every other damn girl in the castle started talking to him?</p><p>James was no stranger to attention, obviously. He <em>sought</em> it, positively <em>basked</em> in it. He showed off every chance he got, but somehow he also got away with it without everyone thinking he was a complete ponce because he'd flash that crinkle-eyed grin and say something charming and make it look natural, like the suave, insufferable, adorable prat he was. And it had always been the same with girls. Lily had seen him talk to girls for <em>years</em>, even when he was pining after her like an idiot, and even when they weren't acknowledging each other's existence during sixth year.</p><p>It had always been interesting to observe: Though Sirius was oft labeled the heartthrob of their grade, his resting haughtiness kept giggling girls at bay, swooning only at a safe distance because they were too intimidated to get within a five-foot radius of him. But not James; he was the approachable one, the friendly one, the one flashing crinkle-eyed grins and saying charming things that set girls blushing and desperate to talk to him.</p><p>But aside from Adelaide's occasional annoying advances, Lily hadn't particularly noticed any other girls talking to him that term. Now, she saw them every time she turned around.</p><p>There was Adelaide, obviously. She came up to James at breakfast on Monday, tapping him on the shoulder and saying, "James, can I talk to you?"</p><p>Lily thought he looked exasperated as he asked, "What's going on, Ladie?"</p><p>To her surprise, Adelaide just handed him a letter, the seal already broken, and Lily had watched his face turn grim as his eyes skimmed back and forth over it. He got up without a backwards look at the table, said, "Yeah, let's go outside," and it took every once of willpower she had to pull her eyes away from his retreating figure next to Adelaide's swishing ponytail and rolled-up skirt. But when she did, she only saw Marlene, Mary, and Sirius exchanging significant looks, which only added to her irritation.</p><p>"Anyone care to enlighten me on what <em>that</em> was all about?"</p><p>They all looked at each other again, and it was Sirius who finally turned to Lily, saying, "I only have a guess, but it's really not my place to talk about it. Ask him later, he'll tell you."</p><p>But a good opportunity never really came up, and then the other girls started pouring in, one after the other.</p><p>On their way into lunch, Emmeline Vance jogged up to him, breathless, saying, "James—look at this—I've had an idea." He bent his head towards hers, looking at whatever was on the parchment she was showing him, and then he grinned, jostling her shoulder and pulling her into a playful hug by the crook of his elbow. "This is fucking good, Vance." Seeing Kingsley approaching with Dorcas, he looked up to shout, "Shack, c'mere," and then, when Kingsley was closer, he said, "Vance put together some new formations, they're sick." Emmeline blushed but turned to show Kingsley, saying quietly, "Hugh and I staked out the Ravenclaw practice…"</p><p>Lily went around them, annoyed. Of <em>course</em> it was about Quidditch. The one (rather major) thing she <em>didn't</em> share with James, that so many other girls <em>did</em>. She left them to their Quidditch chatter at lunch, and sat with Marlene and Dahlia.</p><p>After lunch, she was just walking through the Great Hall doors, James a short ways ahead of her, when she saw Lorraine Abbott, a pretty sixth-year Hufflepuff (sister to <em>that</em> Lane Abbott) sidle up to James and start walking in step with him. Lily thought he seemed momentarily surprised, but he made polite conversation with her, and she only drifted off to turn down the corridor for History of Magic when the seventh years were continuing on to Defense.</p><p>In class, James's name came out of the magicked goblet for the second time, along with Aiko Chang's. Aiko pulled her long black hair into a high ponytail as she made her way toward the blue ring of fire. "Don't hurt me too bad, Potter," she chided as she passed by him. "I have a match to win in a few weeks."</p><p>The Slytherins hissed; their match-up with Ravenclaw would take place mid-November, and since Gryffindor had already put points on the board, this next match would start setting the stakes in earnest.</p><p>"Don't tempt me, Chang," James teased back. "We both know I'm winning it all anyway."</p><p>Why was it <em>always</em> Quidditch?</p><p>"Cocky bastard." But Aiko was smiling, her teeth dazzlingly white against her olive skin, as they bowed at each other.</p><p>She wasn't a match for him, but she put up a good fight. James was always quicker, always a step ahead of her, and Lily thought he might have even drawn it out a little longer than he could have. But eventually he finished her off, breaking past her shield charm with a powerful disarming charm that sent her flying backward and crashing in a heap on the ground. Lily saw James grimace; he must not've intended his charm to be that strong, or else he forgot that his power was no match for her slight frame.</p><p>When Aiko was slow getting up, James jogged over to her, bending down and talking to her quietly. Lily saw her smile at him, trying to laugh it off, though something was clearly hurt. James offered his hand and helped pull her to her feet, at which point they figured out that her ankle was the problem; she must have twisted it when she fell. Lily watched, her insides coiling, as James supported a limping Aiko back toward the class, and Dearborn lazily told her to head to the Hospital Wing (that being a disturbingly regular occurrence after duels now), at which James volunteered, "I'll go with you—you can't walk, and it's my fault."</p><p>James might have just been doing the chivalrous thing, but from the way Aiko simpered at him just then, Lily would have bet half her Galleons that Aiko could have walked herself.</p><p>After class, Lily ducked into the Heads' Office to pick up her Ancient Runes materials for tomorrow, then stopped in a girls' lavatory on her way down to dinner, recognizing that familiar crampy ache low in her abdomen. She was still in her stall, rummaging in her bag for a tampon, sure she had one, when she heard the squeaking of the lavatory door opening, followed by a rush of female voices.</p><p>"<em>Please</em>," came Adelaide's voice. "There's no way he actually <em>likes</em> her."</p><p>Fuck. Just fuck.</p><p>"You don't think?" Drucilla's voice, sickeningly sweet, sent ice slipping down Lily's spine. "Ladie, they were <em>snog-ging</em>. Like, guaranteed he had his tongue down her throat. I saw it with my <em>own eyes</em>—"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, any thought of calling out for tampon fleeing her mind in favor of listening. She had never been more grateful that the stall doors went all the way to the floor.</p><p>Adelaide huffed. "Yeah, and he's a snog slut, it doesn't mean anything."</p><p>"But he only went out with you and Frenchie last year?"</p><p>"That's not counting this past summer."</p><p>Lily heard Drucilla gasp and knew her surprise was not over James's love life, not truly, but over the fact that this was some form of twisted intel relating back to whatever she was feeding to Dolohov. Lily knew she should have burst out right then, announced her presence, reveled in their surprise, but she couldn't bring herself to do it because, disturbingly, <em>annoyingly</em>, she wanted to know what Adelaide would say.</p><p>Drucilla exclaimed, "Well now you have to tell me!"</p><p>"I saw him over summer, before we went to Austria in August. You know Black lives with him now, and they threw parties all the time."</p><p>Adelaide's voice sounded like she was feigning being casual but was really rather pleased at being a source of delectable information, and somehow, from the way those two interacted, Lily got the impression that Adelaide was telling the truth.</p><p>"Remember Greta McLaird? Graduated last year, had a thing with him when she was in sixth and he was in fifth?"</p><p>Ice seemed to trickle down Lily's spine; she had just <em>seen</em> Greta.</p><p>"So she's Macdonald's cousin and now she plays reserve for the Montrose Magpies, which has always been his favorite team, and she was there one time when they had a bunch of people over. It sounded like she had been hanging out with them a bit on her break from training. Anyway, him and Greta went off snogging together, we didn't see them for hours."</p><p>"Damn. Was he cheating on Frenchie?"</p><p>"No, they had broken it off before the train home for the summer, I guess."</p><p>"So did they have a thing all summer? Him and Greta?"</p><p>"I'm not sure. She was back at training by mid-July, but I think she wrote to him, I saw letters with her handwriting in the mail tray in their front hall."</p><p>Drucilla whistled. "Wonder if she still does."</p><p>"Doubt it. He only likes what's right in front of him, she wouldn't have kept his attention once she left."</p><p>Lily winced, Adelaide's words feeling like a punch to the gut, though she couldn't explain why.</p><p>"Was there anyone else? This past summer?"</p><p>Lily got the impression Adelaide had been waiting for Drucilla to ask, wanting desperately to spill everything she knew but also being proud enough that she wanted to make it look like Drucilla dragged it out of her.</p><p>"Yeah, he was macking on Chang one night."</p><p>Lily's stomach dropped.</p><p>"<em>What</em>? Since when are they friends with her?"</p><p>"I don't know if they are, really, but you know Chang's close with Dorcas, and Kingsley's really tight with him and Black. Kingsley and Dorcas were always invited over, and him and Black always said to bring friends if they wanted, so Dorcas always brought me and one time she also brought Chang."</p><p>"Okay, makes sense, but how did <em>Potter</em> and <em>Chang</em> happen?"</p><p>Adelaide laughed. "How else? We were all drunk off his parents' champagne and she started talking Quidditch to him."</p><p>Quidditch. How did it always come back to bloody <em>Quidditch</em>?</p><p>"She remembered fucking goals he scored against Ravenclaw last year, remember that match? He was <em>on one</em>, I swear it was because Evans had been shagging Davies."</p><p>"Do you think <em>they</em> shagged? Him and Chang?"</p><p>"No, Chang told me and Dorcas about it later, said they just made out a bit, but I could tell she had really liked it. She said she tried to start fooling around but he stopped her, gave her some noble excuse about not wanting to do anything drunk, which was a fucking line, because he shagged me when he was pissed just a week later."</p><p>Lily thought she might be sick; she forced herself to breathe deeply through her nose, determined not to give herself away. She was in too deep; she couldn't reveal herself now, especially not by heaving up her lunch.</p><p>"He <em>what</em>? I thought you two hadn't hooked up since last fall?"</p><p>Adelaide sounded far too smug. "Nah, we shagged a couple times this summer."</p><p>Lily closed her eyes, leaned her forehead quietly against the cool bathroom stall, willing herself to stay in control.</p><p>Drucilla's squeal nearly split Lily's eardrums. "A <em>couple times</em>?"</p><p>"Yeah, that night when we were both drunk, and then another night when my parents and I went over for dinner with his family before we left for Austria. Our mums are friends, we've always had dinner with them on holidays."</p><p>"You shagged him while your <em>parents </em>were there?"</p><p>"Hardly. You forget Black was there, too. I stayed back with them after my parents left and his went to bed, we just hung out around the fire pit. It was really chill, actually. And then I just stayed the night in his room, and Apparated home in the morning."</p><p>"Shit, Ladie. How come you haven't told anyone about that?"</p><p>"Well, I went off to Austria, and when I came back he had gone off shagging Frenchie at the World Cup and was acting all back together with her back at school, and now it's like he hopped straight from Frenchie to our resident Mudblood."</p><p>Lily's stomach twisted at hearing that slur come out of Adelaide's mouth. Was she only saying it because she was around Drucilla? Or did she really mean it? And really, did it make a difference?</p><p>There was silence a minute, and Lily heard the pop and click of lipstick tubes.</p><p>Then, "You're not giving up on him, are you?"</p><p>Adelaide sighed. "He always comes back, Dru. Our parents run in the same circles, we've known each other since before Hogwarts, and the sex is amazing. I swear, this summer, it was even better than it had been last fall, which I had never thought possible. We're <em>meant</em> to end up together, it's fucking <em>obvious</em>."</p><p>"Ladie…not to shoot you down, but—"</p><p>Adelaide sounded like she was legitimately losing her temper. "James gets <em>bored</em>, he likes <em>games</em>, and the only reason he broke things off with me was because he wasn't ready to settle down and have a real relationship. He still wanted to fuck around, which I get, because we're only seventeen. And the only reason he's gone after that Mudblood <em>brat</em> is because she's the only one who ever told him <em>no</em>. She doesn't <em>mean </em>anything to him, she just stung his ego and he was too fucking proud to get over it. He has to <em>win</em>, and now he has, so it'll finally be out of his system and he'll move on to the next game until he's ready to come back—to <em>me</em>."</p><p>Drucilla let out a long breath. "Damn, Ladie. Let's go get you a Potter, then."</p><p>Lily heard the sounds of the two girls opening the door, footsteps treading into the hall, and then silence as the door settled back in its frame with a soft thud. She was shaking. She couldn't breathe. She sat with her face in her hands, hating herself for the angry tears that were spilling hot over her cheeks.</p><p>She was an idiot. Such a fucking <em>idiot</em>.</p><p>She didn't know him at <em>all</em>.</p><p>He had casually told her about Greta, in that broom closet, but he hadn't mentioned seeing her this past summer. She had seen him and Aiko banter just that afternoon, but she had never dreamed for a second that they already had some type of romantic history. And though she had obviously known about his fling with Adelaide last fall, and they had even talked about her on multiple occasions that term, he had never told her about sleeping with Adelaide over the summer.</p><p>But what stung even more than learning this information was knowing, deep down, that she wasn't entitled to it. He had every right to keep it to himself; it wasn't her business who he had shagged when they weren't even on speaking terms. They had lived in distinctly separate bubbles within the confines of their Hogwarts world, with the only two people really straddling those bubbles being Mary and Remus, and if those two had to fall on one side or the other, Lily knew, deep down, they would both fall to his.</p><p>She felt stupid. Hurt and stupid. Hurt because thinking about him with other girls—especially Adelaide—now clawed at her in a way it hadn't before. And stupid because she was now forced to try and reconcile the James she had come to know and admire—to start <em>falling in love </em>with—with the James who had apparently spent his summer throwing parties, drinking his parents' champagne, and shagging multiple girls.</p><p>And beneath it all, the snaking, slithering doubt now creeping through her veins: was Adelaide right? Had this all been a game to him, even subconsciously? Did he actually like her, was he actually <em>in love</em> with her, or did he just like winning, had he become obsessed just with the <em>having</em>, and had she merely become a byproduct of that?</p><p>With a sigh, Lily began the process of pulling herself together. She needed to go to dinner. She needed to fake her way through. She couldn't give away that she had overheard Adelaide and Drucilla just yet. She needed time to stew over it, figure out what she wanted to do.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Mercifully, between increased workloads, his Quidditch practice, and the escalating presence of <em>girls </em>whenever James walked through the halls, Lily had an easy enough time avoiding him Monday night, and she barely saw him on Tuesday after their morning classes. In Potions on Wednesday, she realized he must have noticed something because Sirius scrawled on their shared piece of parchment the moment Slughorn started talking.</p><p>
  <em>Alright, Swish?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peachy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't let the gossip get you down. </em>
</p><p>Bless him, he thought she was out of sorts from people talking about The Kiss.</p><p>
  <em>I'm not, honest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then care to tell a mate why you're avoiding a certain mate?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Depends which mate's asking. </em>
</p><p>She heard Sirius smirk softly next to her.</p><p>
  <em>J's wondering, I'm asking. </em>
</p><p>Lily's spine stiffened. Just the sight of his initial brought back too many carnal memories that she didn't want just then.</p><p>
  <em>If he can bear to leave his fan club long enough, he can ask me himself. </em>
</p><p>Sirius stalled a moment, and Lily could tell he was trying to catch her eye, but she refused to look at him. Finally, he wrote, <em>I'm missing something</em>.</p><p>She almost wanted to laugh. He didn't see it. Of course he didn't. What a bloody <em>boy</em>.</p><p>Sirius was scrawling another note. <em>Is this about Monday b-fast? With A?</em></p><p>That hit closer to the mark. Because if she was being honest with herself, it wasn't random girls seeking James' attention that bothered her (though she did find that exceedingly annoying and still couldn't figure out why it was happening <em>now</em>). No, this foul mood was all owed to Adelaide and her blabbing, gossipy, spiteful mouth. It was from suspicions confirmed over the flirtatious banter between James and Aiko. It was from bombshells dropped, like a summer fling with his ex who was now a professional Quidditch player for his favorite team and trying to recruit him. It was from knives in the back over Adelaide's intentions. And, if she was really being honest, it was from the irrational sting of learning that he had, despite what he'd told her in the greenhouse, apparently spent a good amount of his summer in the company of Adelaide Selwyn.</p><p>Finally. She had been stewing over it all since Monday, but it wasn't until now, passing notes with Sirius, that her hurt and jealousy started simmering into a steady, controlled anger. <em>Finally</em>. Lily didn't do sad emotions well, but she had one hell of a temper, and she was very comfortable in it.</p><p>Feeling emboldened, she wrote back, <em>They shagged this summer, Y/N?</em></p><p>Sirius blanched and swore under his breath. His non-answer was all the answer she needed.</p><p>
  <em>Greta?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chang?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyone else I should know about? </em>
</p><p>Sirius was craning his neck around, and Lily rolled her eyes, returning to her notes, knowing he was having one of those silent conversations with James, and being too livid to care.</p><p>He eventually turned back to face front and scrawled, <em>Will you talk to him?</em></p><p>She replied, <em>Will he tell the truth?</em></p><p>Sirius' answer was immediate. <em>Yes</em>.</p><p>
  <em>And how will I know?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Damnit, Swish. </em>
</p><p>She had him cornered; he hesitated. Lily pulled the parchment back and wrote, <em>If he likes me like you say he does, help me figure out how to get over him being a cad?</em></p><p>Sirius bit back a laugh, then took a deep breath, crossed out where Lily had written <em>likes</em>, wrote <em>loves</em> above it, gave her a pointed look, then started at the top: <em>Y, Y, Y, Y. Emma Vanity. (You already know about DFP.)</em></p><p>Lily's mouth fell open. But Sirius wasn't done writing.</p><p>
  <em>J was on a year-long bender trying to stop having feelings for you. Not just fancying—feelings, L. None of those Y's meant anything. </em>
</p><p>Lily breathed hard through her nose, trying to control the swirling emotions going through her right now. <em>Five</em> girls? In <em>one</em> summer? Including Aiko Chang? She felt a grim satisfaction at knowing Adelaide was missing information, though it was outweighed by the pit in her stomach at remembering their banter Monday afternoon. And <em>Emma Vanity</em>? The seventh year Slytherin Chaser? Seriously, what the <em>fuck</em> was with him and Quidditch players last summer?</p><p>Sirius kept writing, looking from the outside as if he was genuinely taking notes for once.</p><p>
  <em>I've NEVER seen him happier than on Saturday. I mean it, L. You are the only girl he's ever cared about—the ONLY one. I don't know how you found out about those Y's, but I can guess. And you're in serious violation of Mates' Code, btw. </em>
</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows at him. So Mates' Code was a Marauders' thing.</p><p>
  <em>Violation 1: Not talking to him about it first.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Violation 2: You don</em>
  <em>'t listen to ANYONE except me, R, J, P, D, or M/M when it comes to J's feelings for you. You especially NEVER listen to A.S.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Violation 3: Really, L? A bloke snogs you like THAT in front of the school after his match and you let petty desperate hallway girls get in the way? He</em>
  <em>'s kept his distance because he thought you were upset about the gossip about YOU TWO being "out" and thought YOU wanted to keep a low profile.</em>
</p><p>Lily felt herself flushing. She had gone into this conversation in anger, wanting to best James, and now she was being schooled by Sirius Black, who <em>had</em> seen—even more than she had. Her insides roiled with something that felt a lot like shame.</p><p><em>I'll talk to him</em>, she scrawled back.</p><p>
  <em>When?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tonight? Our office?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll tell him. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Lily skipped lunch, not ready to be in such close proximity to James or Sirius, let alone both of them together, and, not wanting to run into James in their office just yet, went instead to the library for the afternoon. But she couldn't even escape into schoolwork like she normally could because there, across the way, was Emma Vanity, a stunning Black girl with luminous skin and shiny, crimped hair that fell in mermaid waves down her back, and there, at another table, was Aiko Chang, fully healed from her <em>ankle injury </em>and looking sporty with a high ponytail. As Lily slogged through her essays for the next day, she reflected that she had not retained a single piece of information for any class, but she <em>had</em> realized that James Potter had a thing for hair. The bolder, the better, apparently.</p><p>Remus found her a little while later, telling her it was time for dinner and Marlene had sent him to fetch her, which made next to no sense. He also seemed far too chipper about it. But she was too distracted to give it much thought, and with a sigh, Lily gathered her things and walked with him, so absorbed in her own head that she hardly noticed they had gone in the opposite direction to the Great Hall until he suddenly stalled, a cheeky grin on his face.</p><p>"This is where I leave you," he said.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>He pointed down the hall. "Your office is that way."</p><p>"But I'm not going there right now."</p><p>His smile only widened. "Yes, Lil, you <em>are</em>."</p><p>"You scheming <em>bastard</em>."</p><p>He gave her a gentle shove in the direction he had pointed. "You can thank me later."</p><p>Lily shot him a look over her shoulder, but continued on down toward the fifth floor corridor, her pulse quickening as she went. She popped into the Prefects' Bathroom for a quick freshen up, then squared her shoulders. She could do this. She could talk to him. James. About her…feelings. She cringed. Merlin, she hated talking about her feelings.</p><p>But it had to be done. Sirius had schooled her, and she wasn't about to let <em>that </em>scheming bastard hold something over her head.</p><p>She strode into the Heads' Office, carrying her head high—and found it empty. He wasn't there. His bag wasn't at his desk. There was no tell-tale sign of a forlorn tie hanging over the back of his chair, no quill left in the ink pot.</p><p>That's when she saw it. Laying on his desk, tilted towards her like he had left it there. Intentionally. Lily stepped closer. A thick scroll of parchment, open but still furling at the edges, draped in luxe velvet ribbon, and with the distinctive ornate cursive that could only mean one thing: the Slug Club.</p><p>James had been invited to Slughorn's Halloween Party.</p><p>Halloween.</p><p>
  <em>Of course.</em>
</p><p>Lily wanted to kick herself. The term had passed in such a blur that she had completely forgotten that Halloween was the following Friday. But the rest of the school obviously hadn't, and that explained more clearly than ever the sudden presence of girls flocking around him at all hours of the day. They wanted to be his <em>date</em>.</p><p>Adelaide's words from the bathroom echoed in her mind. None of these girls saw Lily as a threat. They didn't care that James had just snogged her after his match; they didn't care if her and James had hooked up; they expected him to <em>drop</em> her, conquered territory. In their eyes, he was fair game. Because they didn't know about the Plan. They didn't know that her and James had, in their own way, already committed to each other.</p><p>When had he gotten his invitation? They must have been passed out at lunch, which she had skipped, because Slughorn never gave them out in class.</p><p>She was gazing out the window as she thought, and then her eyes drifted over to her own desk, where she saw another piece of parchment, folded up on the sides like an opened letter, with a single red rose. She walked over to her desk, and her stomach flipped as she saw his handwriting staring up at her.</p><p>
  <em>Take the elf passages all the way to the bottom. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- J</em>
</p><p>Leaving her bag by her desk, she returned to the hallway, approaching the large still-life of a massive vase of flowers atop of small, round table, with two glasses of wine set between an uncorked bottle. Lily leaned closer to the painting, double-checking that no one was coming down the hall.</p><p>"Er—Wemby?"</p><p>She saw a pair of large, floppy ears peek out from behind the vase.</p><p>"It's Lily again."</p><p>A face followed the ears, and the house elf smiled at her, jumping off the table and walking to the side of the painting. "Miss Lily! Master James is waiting for you. All the way down, please."</p><p>The portrait swung open with a click, and Lily climbed through, pulling it closed behind her. Waiting downstairs—in the kitchens?</p><p>Lily skipped down the spiral staircase, feeling slightly dizzy as she reached the bottom. It seemed like a dark, enclosed landing, but then Lily noticed, distantly, a sconce in a stone wall. She followed it, making her way through a winding stone tunnel, following more sconces, until suddenly, she was standing in a hallway that was bustling with house elves and that seemed to open to various rooms to her right and left.</p><p>With a start, Lily noticed that one house-elf had taken her hand. "Miss Lily!"</p><p>It was Wemby; Lily recognized the deep indigo blue of his eyes and the squeak of his voice. "Wemby! I thought you were just in the painting!"</p><p>"That is just my likeness, Miss. I's the Protector of the Passages."</p><p>Lily smiled, her heart bursting for this sweet creature. "I—wow, Wemby."</p><p>He tugged at her hand. "Master James is waiting for you."</p><p>"Er—down here?"</p><p>"Yes, Miss Lily. We haves a surprise."</p><p>Lily let Wemby pull her along through the sea of house-elves around her waist, passing by rooms where laundry was being washed, towels were being folded, dishes were being scrubbed, brooms were being cleaned, and firewood was being piled, until he turned into the massive, domed room of the kitchen, a mirror layout of the Great Hall above it. Lily could see the food had been sent up, and elves bustled to and fro with readying dessert and replenishing plates that needed refilling.</p><p>Wemby led her down the aisle by the Gryffindor table, past where the Head table would be, and to a door that, in the room above, would lead into a small antechamber.</p><p>The house-elf dropped her hand and clapped his together excitedly. "Ready, Miss Lily?"</p><p>She had no idea if she was.</p><p>But Wemby was already opening the door and then ushering her inside. The room was a wine cellar, the air cool and the lights dim. And there, at a small table in the center, underneath a clump of floating candles, was James.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>James watched Lily take it all in, trying not to laugh as Wemby tugged her to her seat, pushed in her chair, settled her napkin in her lap, poured her wine, and dished food onto her plate. Lily suddenly looked down at what she was being served and instantly looked back up at him, shock written all over her face.</p><p>"How did you—"</p><p>He grinned sheepishly. "You might have mentioned offhand that you wished Hogwarts served ravioli at dinner. And you also talked incessantly about your trip to Italy fourth year."</p><p>Lily was smiling, laughing despite herself. "You <em>remember </em>that?"</p><p>James chuckled. "Yeah, you didn't shut up about it. Your parents took you and your sister to Rome, and you came back obsessed with ravioli."</p><p>"It's also the first time I thought seriously about curse-breaking," she mused. "After the crypts we toured."</p><p>James hadn't known that. They just stared at each other.</p><p>Wemby broke the moment. "Is there anything else you's be needing?"</p><p>James turned his attention to the house-elf, shaking his head. "No, this is perfect. Thanks, Wemby."</p><p>The house-elf bobbed his head happily. "You knows where to finds us." And then he scampered to the door, shutting it behind him with a soft click.</p><p>Lily didn't waste a second. "What—?"</p><p>James leaned over the table, holding his elbows. "Sirius said we need to talk. He, er, told me a little about your notes."</p><p>Lily flushed and took a sip of her wine; James knew it was dangerously smooth, having already had a glass to calm his nerves before she got there.</p><p>"Look, I don't know what happened or who you talked to, but whatever it is you want to know, I'll tell you. I'm not trying to, I don't know, keep anything from you. I just—I didn't think anything that happened before mattered. And honestly, I haven't even thought about summer since school started."</p><p>He sat back in his chair then, swirling his own wine as he watched her. Waited.</p><p>Lily sighed. She seemed to be considering him, as if deciding whether she wanted to take the plunge into his past that she had apparently already started.</p><p>"Monday after Defense, you took Aiko to the Hospital Wing—"</p><p>"Because I knocked her over and bummed her ankle—"</p><p>Lily waved her hand. "Yes, yes, I know, you were just being chivalrous Mr. Gryffindor—<em>anyway</em>, I stopped in the loo on the way down to dinner, and got trapped there when Adelaide and Drucilla came in for a chat, thinking it was empty."</p><p>James clenched his jaw. This couldn't be good. Lily pressed on, telling him how their conversation was really all stemming from The Kiss, and that Adelaide's calling him a <em>snog slut</em> (seriously, what?) turned into Adelaide rehashing to Drucilla everything she knew about the girls he had hooked up with over the summer—including Greta, whom they had just seen after Saturday's match, and Aiko, whom he had just went off with, and Adelaide.</p><p>"And I just, I don't know, <em>snapped</em>. I know it was all <em>before</em>, I know it doesn't <em>matter</em>, but it doesn't make getting it all dumped on me at once any fucking easier."</p><p>James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No, I get that."</p><p>"And then, since I was in a temper, I decided to take it out on Sirius, who not only confirmed what Adelaide had said, but <em>added</em> to it. Emma Vanity? A <em>Slytherin</em>?"</p><p>He cocked a brow at her. "Pot meet kettle, Evans."</p><p>She glared at him. "This isn't about <em>me</em>, Potter, this is about <em>you</em>."</p><p>He leaned his elbows on the table to steeple his hands in front of his face, rubbing the bridge of his nose under his glasses for a moment before he looked at her.</p><p>"Okay," he started, "this is about me. So how about <em>I</em> tell you what exactly happened last summer, yeah?"</p><p>She nodded, taking a bite of her ravioli and leaning back in her chair, arms crossed, as she chewed.</p><p>"Let's start at the beginning. Dahl and I called it off before summer, which you knew. So just to be clear, I was a free agent the whole fucking time."</p><p>"Fair."</p><p>"Okay. You heard right about Greta. She was back visiting Mac on her break, the four of us played a lot of two-a-side Quidditch, her and I were on the same team. One night, we had people over, we were having some champagne, and she was feeling a little nostalgic about Hogwarts, and we started going down memory lane about going out a couple years ago. We shagged <em>one time</em>, and she wrote me <em>one letter</em> to tell me I should seriously consider going pro after graduation and to owl her if I ever wanted to connect about recruiting."</p><p>"And Saturday?"</p><p>James stared at her blankly. "What about it?"</p><p>Lily shrugged. "Just—seeing her again."</p><p>He arched his brows and repeated, "What about it?"</p><p>Lily just glared at him. Wait. Was she really—jealous? Of <em>Greta</em>?</p><p>"We're friendly, that's it. This summer…that was a one-time thing."</p><p>Lily pursed her lips a moment. "Are you going to reach out to her? About recruiting?"</p><p>He nodded. "Yeah, I think so."</p><p>She gave him a pointed look over her wine. "I know how to read <em>girl</em>, Potter, and the look on her face wasn't exactly <em>this summer was a one-time thing</em>."</p><p>Something like pleasure, like <em>confidence</em>, purred in his chest. Lily was <em>jealous</em>. He leaned farther over the table, holding onto his elbows, as he told her, "Well, it was for <em>me</em>. So if she does try anything, she won't get very far, because the only one who gets me now is this gorgeous Head Girl I know."</p><p>Lily fought a smirk, though her eyes seemed to glitter as she regarded him thoughtfully. "Continue with your narrative, you snog slut."</p><p>He gave her a dirty look, but she just grinned wickedly at him as she stabbed a piece of ravioli with her fork. "Drucilla was right, you know. When we were in that store cupboard? You're slutty, Potter. Like, <em>really </em>fucking slutty."</p><p>James chewed his cheek, trying to hold in his anger, not rise to her bait. She was fucking <em>enjoying</em> this, giggling to herself as she ate her fucking ravioli that he had procured for her <em>delight.</em></p><p>But that's what this was all for. Sirius had called an emergency Marauders Meeting in the dormitory over the lunch period to tell James about his note-passing conversation with Lily, and before James could even be mad at Sirius for confirming that information to her, Remus had concurred it was the right thing to do and, being the one that knew Lily best, theorized that the best way to help Lily get past it was to tell her everything and let her roast him at his own expense. Hence, Operation Secret Dinner Date had commenced.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, James said, "I'm going to ignore that. Should I actually continue now?"</p><p>She nodded, taking another bite of pasta.</p><p>"Okay. So that was Greta. The first time I kissed Chang came after. Similar deal, had people over for a summer party, got a little drunk, ended up making out with her. Nothing else happened."</p><p>"Did you tell her no because you were drunk?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>James shrugged. "She's a cool girl. She's kind of like you, in a lot of ways. Smart. I just…I don't know. Respected her too much to do something stupid."</p><p>He saw the surprise on Lily's face, but she didn't say anything, so he went on.</p><p>"Uh, so I guess the next thing would be Ladie. We had another party, we all were pissed, we shagged, and I don't remember it."</p><p>"So no qualms with drunk sex there?"</p><p>James shook his head, taking a sip of his wine. "No. I've shagged Ladie just as much drunk as I have sober."</p><p>Lily's face betrayed a flash of hurt at that, but James said, "You wanted to know, Evans, so I'm not going to hold back."</p><p>She nodded and took another sip of wine.</p><p>"Okay. So Ladie comes for dinner with her parents. I wouldn't say our mums are <em>friends</em>, but they are friend<em>ly</em> and we <em>have</em> always had regular dinners with the Selwyns. So Ladie hung back after with Sirius and me, and it was honestly the most chill time I've ever had with her. She wasn't trying to, I don't know, be this <em>persona</em> for anyone, she was just herself. And she…stayed."</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows. "Just…followed you right upstairs, just like that?"</p><p>"Er—kind of."</p><p>This was an awkward memory to talk about, because truthfully, that night, he had wondered if he shouldn't give things another try with Adelaide. He had seen her a lot that summer, and he had just spent a relaxing, fun evening with her and Sirius. In that moment, he had been into her. Sirius had set off for the stairs with a pointed look and a wave, Adelaide had asked if she should Disapparate home, and James had reached for her hand and told her to stay.</p><p>He sighed. Lily deserved the truth; <em>all</em> of the truth.</p><p>"I initiated it. I told her to stay."</p><p>He saw Lily's throat bob. "She told Drucilla you always go back to her."</p><p>James shook his head. "That's not—I didn't—it's hard to explain."</p><p>Lily picked up her glass of wine. "We have a whole bottle to get through, Potter."</p><p>He chuckled softly. "Look, I started hooking up with Ladie last year because I was trying to get over you and she was shoving herself in my face. You heard the stories. Find me a bloke that <em>wouldn't</em> be into that. She just—she got it in her head that we're this, I don't know, <em>perfect couple </em>because of our lineage, and she wanted to get serious, and I didn't want that with her. So we broke things off, and then I dated Dahl. But over summer, it was almost a whole year later, and she was in my face <em>all</em> the fucking time, and I started to cave. Started thinking, what the hell, maybe we should give it another go."</p><p>"Why didn't you?"</p><p>James shrugged. "At that point, she was headed to Austria until school, and I honestly thought we might talk about it when she got back, but…things changed."</p><p>"What changed?"</p><p>"You."</p><p>Lily gave him a disbelieving look.</p><p>"I'm serious. Even aside from having feelings for you, you changed my mind."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed at him. "I don't follow."</p><p>"Ladie wants everything for status, right? She's desperate to be Head Girl because she wants a plaque that can go in a fancy library in a big estate with her family name. But she'll never tell anyone at school that she wants it because it messes with her persona. And I told you before, she lies all the time—she's obsessed with her life being this perfect visual she's created in her head, and she lies and schemes her way to try to get there."</p><p>"You didn't know this before?"</p><p>"No, of course I did. But it's, I don't know, easy to forget sometimes. Especially during summer, when all Sirius and I do is throw parties at my fucking estate with my equally wealthy pureblood friends. Look, Ladie fits very easily into that part of my life, and she's latched onto that. But what her and I had isn't healthy. It was literally just partying and sex."</p><p>Lily was staring at him, still looking slightly confused. James shook his head, determined to get to the heart of it. "Ladie and I are friends in the way that you are with someone you know back to front just from growing up with them—but she's not one of my <em>mates</em>. She's not a <em>good person</em>. And I guess, all of that, what I just said, sort of solidified for me after being around you again at the Cup. You're just this…energy. You're <em>you</em>. You've never tried to be anything different. What you see is what you get, the kindness, the loyalty, the intelligence, the temper, the attitude—all of it. You don't care about anything for status, you just do what you think is right. You're just <em>good</em>. Evans, you blow her out of the water without even trying, and just being around you made me feel like the grimiest of cads for having even <em>thought</em> about giving Ladie a second chance."</p><p>Her eyes were twinkling, her expression curious. She held her glass of wine in front of her face, obscuring her mouth, but James thought from her cheeks that she was smiling.</p><p>"I never knew you were so philosophical."</p><p>James took a deep drink. "I am when I drink wine."</p><p>"Duly noted."</p><p>She took her own sip, the corner of her mouth twitching. She was flirting with him. All of that confession, laid bare at her feet, and she just <em>flirted</em> with him. She was unbelievable.</p><p>"So Adelaide went to Austria."</p><p>James hung his head with a groan. Fuck. He still had two more girls to explain.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he pulled his head back up. "Ladie being gone changed the whole tone of the parties. Dorcas brought Chang around again, we flew together out back for awhile, threw some balls, and then snuck off later that night. It wasn't, er—"</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "Good?"</p><p>James looked down at his wine, swirling it in his glass. "It was…<em>fine</em>. We just didn't really have a…spark, I guess. Or at least I didn't feel it."</p><p>"And Emma Vanity? Let me guess, she came to your party, you flew around and talked Quidditch together, and ended up shagging?"</p><p>James chuckled. "No, Evans. Other way 'round. I went to <em>her </em>party. Well, her parents' party, more like. Her dad's in the Department of Magical Games and Sports. They were throwing one of those pretentious summer garden parties, lots of Ministry people and pureblood families. Mac was there, and Sirius, obviously, and we ended up talking to Emma because the Slytherin blokes <em>weren't</em> there, and she didn't really have anyone else to talk to. She's actually a cool girl, minus the Slytherin part."</p><p>"And you just…what? Thought, here's a girl for the night? Snuck off to the rosebushes?"</p><p>James laughed in earnest at that. "You've never been to one of these things, have you?"</p><p>"No, Potter," she said dryly. "My parents are Muggles with a modest income, in case you forgot."</p><p>"Well," he told her, "it's sort of like how you described Slughorn's parties." He started ticking off his fingers. "Forced conversation, fake laughter, incessant bragging, weird snack foods, endless flow of champagne, little clothing because it's summer and it's fucking hot, and people start sneaking off together as soon as it's dark."</p><p>Lily just stared at him. James shrugged. "There's really nothing else to it. We buddied-up at the party, drank a lot of champagne, ate very few snack foods, and she had on a very short dress." He paused, thinking back. "We also talked a lot about Quidditch."</p><p>Lily slammed her hand down on the table, making James jump.</p><p>"What the <em>fuck</em> is it about <em>you</em> and fucking <em>Quidditch players</em>? Greta, Chang, Vanity?"</p><p>James stared at her. He supposed she did have a point. But she was also being all pot-kettle again. "Well, what the fuck is it about <em>you</em> and fucking <em>Hufflepuffs</em>? Belby, Abbott, Bones?"</p><p>She was seething at him, her face flushed, though he wasn't sure if it was from the wine or her temper.</p><p>Thoughts were clicking in James' brain; maybe it really was the wine making him wax all philosophical, but going through this exercise in rehashing his past <em>with</em> her was prompting him to make connections he hadn't before.</p><p>"Yeah, Evans, you're not into Quidditch like me. You don't play, we don't really talk about it, it's not something we can really do together. And <em>I don't care</em>. Because I want <em>you</em>, and Quidditch isn't you, and that's <em>okay</em>. I have plenty of friends to have Quidditch with, and I can have other things with you that I don't have with them."</p><p>She was setting her glass down slowly, that curious expression back on her face.</p><p>"And guess what? I'm not a goody two-shoes pretty boy like all your Hufflepuff exes. I do stupid shit with my friends. I've never cared about getting in trouble. I like to get pissed after winning Quidditch matches. And yeah, I shagged a slutty amount of girls last summer. And it's only the last one of those that got you upset—you <em>still</em> liked me enough to agree to go out with me knowing all the rest—and you know what I think? I don't think it's about the random shagging at all, I think it's actually just about Ladie."</p><p>James leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. Lily was staring at him, face suddenly whiter than normal, looking like she was afraid of what he was going to say next.</p><p>"Evans, we did this last week about Dahl, and now we're having the exact same conversation about Ladie. You're the least insecure person I know, so why are you getting all insecure about this? You have <em>nothing</em> to be jealous of. You're the <em>only</em> girl I care about, the <em>only</em> girl I want to be with. I'm <em>in love</em> with you, Lily."</p><p>Her eyes bored into him, her expression something like desire mixed with apprehension—maybe even fear?</p><p>She confirmed it when she said, her voice low, "You fucking <em>terrify</em> me, you know that?"</p><p>"Not as much as you terrify me."</p><p>He meant it. Lily heightened everything for him. All of the normal human emotions—happiness, anger, desire—she managed to crank up to levels he could barely comprehend and that made him feel ready to burst, whether for good or bad. She drew out of him what no one else could: his temper, surely, but also more compassion, and more drive, and just more <em>good</em>. Hell, he had fancied her for years, tried with <em>everything he had</em> to get over her, had positively drowned himself in partying and girls, and it <em>still</em> hadn't been enough. For <em>over a year</em> he had tried, and with one drunken night at the Quidditch World Cup, one conversation on the train, one handshake agreeing to a truce, he'd been fifteen again, smitten and hanging on her every word.</p><p>Her face was set in that way when she'd decided something, which was always scary, because though Lily could mull something over for a long time, once she decided, she was decided. Thus far, James had considered her to be in that mulling over process—for weeks, she had been sorting through her feelings, testing him out, getting used to him.</p><p>But something about this look was different. She had made up her mind—he just didn't know what about.</p><p>Lily slid out of her chair and came over to him, draping herself in his lap. "Thank you for telling me."</p><p>He settled a hand at her back, picked up the end of her plait with the other. "Er—you're welcome?"</p><p>"You didn't have to. But you did, to help me feel better."</p><p>"Do you? Feel better?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>She pushed his hair back off his forehead, a gesture he'd come to associate with her feeling tender towards him.</p><p>His voice was slightly raspy, possibly from all the wine. "Are we okay?"</p><p>It wasn't lost on him that their roles had seemingly reversed since the last time they'd addressed that question.</p><p>Her eyes glittered darkly in the dim light of the wine cellar, and her voice sounded lower, throatier, as she said, "Yeah, James. We're okay."</p><p>He tilted up his head to kiss her, felt her hands softly cup his cheek. But then she broke away, eyes searching his, and though his heart skipped, he didn't anything, just watched her bite her lip, that determined look still on her face.</p><p>"Um, there was something Sirius said," she started. She played with his collar a moment, then went on, "He said you thought I wanted to keep a—<em>low profile</em>."</p><p>She was looking at him like it was a question. James shrugged. "I—yeah, I guess I assumed you might want to keep it—us—kind of quiet. I mean, I kind of outed us by kissing you, and I'm sorry if—"</p><p>Lily pressed her fingers to his lips. "I liked it."</p><p>His brows rose up his forehead.</p><p>"You don't have to…act any different on purpose. Than how you want to."</p><p>James swallowed hard, his pulse picking up speed. "And what if I want to act like I'm dating you and I don't care if anyone knows?"</p><p>Lily fought a smile. "Well, you <em>are</em> dating me, so…"</p><p>"I—we are? Dating?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Well, isn't that what you call it when you're taking someone on a date?" She gave him a sly smile. "If you're still are, that is. Taking me on a date."</p><p>James grinned. "Are you kidding? I'm taking you on the best date of your life, Evans"</p><p>She blushed, biting her lip. Another thought came to him, something he thought he'd picked up on earlier that day, when he'd left Slughorn's invitation open on his desk.</p><p>"And another thing," he said. "About the Halloween party."</p><p>Her eyes widened curiously, and she pulled back to look at him. "What about it?"</p><p>"Don't say yes to anyone else."</p><p>She smirked. "Is this your way of asking me, Potter?"</p><p>He chuckled. "No. Because I can't ask you on our second real date until we've had our first real date."</p><p>"And what are we having right now?"</p><p>Without missing a beat, he told her, "Hopefully make-up sex, to remind you that you don't need to be jealous of girls I was with when I was trying to get over you because I didn't know you fancied me back."</p><p>Lily snorted, giggling into his neck. "Merlin, we were such <em>idiots</em>."</p><p>James laughed with her, hugging her close to him, and then murmured into her hair, "But we're here now."</p><p>He heard her sigh into his neck before pulling her face up to look at him, bringing her hands to his cheeks. "Yeah," she agreed. "We are."</p><p>And she kissed him, like everything was forgotten, was <em>forgiven</em>, like his past didn't matter, like she knew, finally <em>believed</em>, that she really was the only one on his mind and in his heart, and something about that, on the heels of Saturday, made him think he believed the same thing back.</p><p>Lily shifted out of his lap so she could straddle him, but she grabbed his arms, stilling his hands from their slide up her skirt.</p><p>"We, um—need to keep it old school," she told him softly. "At least for me."</p><p>James grinned and squeezed her thighs where his hands rested, and when she started unbuttoning his shirt, he reached for his belt and fly, spreading the front of his trousers open and pulling his erection from his boxers.</p><p>"James—"</p><p>He returned his hands to her legs, slid them up her thighs, and then hooked his thumbs under her knickers so he could rub circles against the smooth skin of her hips. Her eyes were wide and glittering, liquid pools in the dim candlelight of the room.</p><p>James nudged her nose with his, ducked around her mouth, pulled her closer in his lap as he murmured, "C'mere, Lil."</p><p>She kissed him, something slow, and he tipped his head back for her, opening his mouth to let her come explore him with her tongue. She squirmed closer as she ran her fingers through his hair, leaning over him as she kissed him, and James adjusted his hand on her, bringing his thumb to gently swipe over her knickers, a slippery satin material that was already damp for him. She gasped against his mouth as he rubbed her slowly, her hips starting to wriggle, and he made slow circles around where he knew her most sensitive spot was, caught her gasp in his mouth before she broke away, ducking her face into his neck as she moaned a quiet, "Oh, <em>James</em>—fuck, that feels good."</p><p>James hummed into her neck, keeping up that gentle pressure with his thumb. "I always want you to feel good, Evans."</p><p>He felt her smile as her hips rocked softly against his hand.</p><p>"James." Her voice was a soft whimper. "<em>Fuck</em>. Oh, there."</p><p>"Lily." He pulled his thumb away, gripping her hips to slide her closer to him in his lap. "Fuck, I'm so hard for you—"</p><p>She was rocking her hips against him now, sliding those damp, silky knickers over his whole length in a rolling rhythm, and James groaned, lifting his hands to run up her back, thread into her hair.</p><p>Lily moaned quietly, squeezed him tighter around his neck as she leveraged herself over him. James sought her throat with his lips, latched onto a patch of skin just over her collarbone where her pulse fluttered. She was grinding against him, her pace getting a little unsteady.</p><p>"That's it, baby."</p><p>She made another throaty little whimpering noise and James let go of her hair so he could bring his hands back down to unbutton and open her shirt. Delicate lace met his eyes, and he ducked his mouth to suck on her curves, then lifted his hands to cup her, running thumbs in slow circles.</p><p>That got her.</p><p>Lily let out a small cry, pulled at his hair as she bucked over him. "<em>Gods</em>, James."</p><p>He kept caressing her, trailing lips and tongue over her skin, letting soft groans escape his throat as Lily rubbed against him, commanding himself to keep it together even though he had no idea how he was supposed to last after this.</p><p>James could tell Lily was getting close, thank Merlin, because she suddenly switched from her controlled grinding over his whole length to those frantic little thrusts over his head; she had liked that before, too, liked the pressure of him there on the spot she needed. He dropped his hands to her thighs, sliding them up to cup her arse and pull her closer as she squirmed in his lap.</p><p>"Get it, Lily. <em>Fuck</em>. You're getting me close."</p><p>Lily smiled briefly through the building pleasure on her face, but then she was letting out another one of those throaty moans as she locked in on the spot she needed, speeding up her little thrusts as she panted in his ear. "James, <em>there</em>—oh, <em>fuck</em>—I'm—I'm—"</p><p>He coaxed her along, his voice low. "Yeah, come on. I'm close too, babe. Come on me."</p><p>She came with a sharp moan, her face scrunched, and he held her tighter as she twitched, still thrusting against him, and he was almost past the point of no return, his senses overloaded with her, completely overwhelmed by the fact that she—<em>Lily Evans</em>—was orgasming in his lap just from rubbing against his cock. He couldn't remember the last time he'd came just from stimulation like this, without a hand or a mouth, though it had almost happened with her the first time they'd done this in that empty classroom. It was unreal how she good she felt, how just rubbing against each other like fifteen-year-olds could unravel him when he doubted any other girl could get him to finish with their hand—</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>Her responding press of her hips was immediate, her knickers soaked where she lined them up along his length, and she thrust gently against his head again. He swore, his grip on her slackening, his body tightening, his eyes falling shut. Lily's hands were in his hair, then her lips were at his ear—"Come on me, James"—as she ground against him again, sliding that wet, smooth fabric along his length, and the friction of her next thrust sent him over the edge, jerking underneath her as he came, whimpering groans escaping his mouth, his mind flooded with pleasure as he vaguely comprehended Lily was kissing his jaw, still grinding against him, raking fingertips over his scalp. He could feel the warm stickiness of his own release on his stomach, could hear the slick sounds of it spreading onto her thighs as she squirmed in his lap.</p><p>"Fuck. Lily. I just"—he swallowed hard, licking his lips—"I just came—in my <em>lap</em>—"</p><p>Lily giggled as she surveyed the mess she'd caused, holding up her skirt to reveal knickers which would have normally been a navy blue color but which were now covered in his release.</p><p>"And I meant to blow you, too," she told him conversationally, "thought you might like to get sucked off at the dinner table, but you were just so close I—what?"</p><p>James was staring at her, some mixture of awe and desire and wonder and longing that he'd always felt for her swirling through his body, more potent now than it had ever been before.</p><p>"Will you do that?"</p><p>She gave him a mischievous smile. "Do what?"</p><p>"Suck me off right here? At the dinner table?"</p><p>Lily giggled, ducking around his mouth teasingly, but then she said in that low, throaty voice, "Tell me when you're ready."</p><p>They hastily cleaned themselves up with a quick vanishing spell, and then they made out until he was. James knew Lily could feel him where she still sat astride him, and he broke away from her mouth to say, "Fuck, I want your mouth on me. Please, Lily."</p><p>With a wicked smile, she slid out of his lap and to her knees in front of him, pulling her shirt off so he had a view of her in her bra and pushing her plait over her shoulder as she leaned over his lap. He slid forward a bit in his chair to give her better access, and she rewarded him with soft kisses and licks around his hips.</p><p>"Fuck, Lily, you look—"</p><p>She lifted her eyes to him, a smirk on her face as she turned her attention to one of his obliques. What word could describe how sexy she looked just then, with little tendrils of hair falling loose around her face and her skin luminous in the dim light of the room and her cleavage in full view as she knelt in front of him?</p><p>He swallowed hard, aching for her, and watched her fingers trace over his length lightly, sweep over him below, as she continued her attentions with her mouth elsewhere.</p><p>"Incredible," he pushed out. "Just fucking—<em>perfect</em>. Even when you torture me like this."</p><p>She smiled against his skin, scraping her teeth against him lightly, and he hissed at the touch of those sharp edges. Lily sounded far too amused, like she knew how completely in control of him she was just then, when she said, "Torture you, hmm?"</p><p>James chuckled. "Evans, you can torture me however you want, and I've probably had that fantasy."</p><p>Lily lifted her mouth to look up at him curiously, and with the sight of her lips already swollen like that, he wasn't sure he'd be able to form a complete sentence if she asked it of him.</p><p>"Tell me something you want me to do right now. Something you've fantasized about."</p><p>James wracked he brain. There wasn't much else to the fantasy of Lily Evans kneeling in front of him and sucking him off, other than maybe a change of scenery, but getting head at a dinner table was certainly a first for him that he'd never even imagined before, so <em>that</em> was already blowing his mind. But there was one thing…</p><p>"Mark me."</p><p>She arched a brow but didn't question him. "Where?"</p><p>"Wherever you want."</p><p>A sly smile tugged at her mouth, and then she turned her eyes back to his chest, lifting fingers to trace over his muscles. "Potter, you're so fucking <em>fit</em> I can hardly stand it."</p><p>James smiled, satisfaction purring in his chest. "It's all yours, Evans."</p><p>Her eyes snapped back up to him, flashing something intense. It reminded him of that day in the Prefects' Bathroom, when she'd looked at him with such <em>hunger</em>—it was something more than just open lust, more than just wanting him, like the force of those words—<em>it's all yours</em>—had triggered something within her. And all he knew just then was that he never wanted Lily Evans to stop looking at him like that.</p><p>She lowered her mouth to his abdomen, finally settling on a patch of skin just inside his hip, and James threaded his fingers through her hair, hissing as she sucked and nipped and then sucked some more, her own fingers slipping down inside his trousers to dig into his hips. Then, almost as suddenly as she started, she pulled away, admiring the blossoming love bite for only a moment before turning her mouth back to where he was, if it was possible, even more hard for her now.</p><p>James watched, as if he were in a trance, as those lips—swollen, rosy—slid kisses around him and that tongue—wet, pink—lapped around him and those fingers—so much smaller than his own, but so much softer, too—closed around him. He fought to keep his eyes open, fought to watch as he squirmed against her mouth. Lily Evans down on him was quite possibly the most intoxicating pleasure he'd ever experienced; he'd thought about that first blowjob on Saturday just about constantly, and only seeing her in class the past few days had been its own form of torture. Every time he saw her smile, or lick her lips, or bite her lower lip like she always did when she was thinking, or even fucking <em>eat</em>—he was immediately transported to the Room of Requirement and watching her mouth do more incredible things to his cock than he could have ever imagined.</p><p>And it wasn't even that they were new things; he knew, now, that Lily and Dahlia had talked, and he could recognize, now, in an almost academic way, how Lily did the same things Dahlia had figured out he'd liked. But somehow, Lily elevated everything so that it <em>felt</em> like it was new. It was almost puzzling; James had forced himself to recall the last time Dahlia had been down on him, on one of those lazy summer days before the end of term, and though the two acts were probably technically very alike, they felt worlds apart and entirely different.</p><p>Because it was <em>Lily</em>. Because he'd been indescribably attracted to her, <em>pulled</em> to her, for as long as he'd realized he was into girls that way. Because now, he felt closer to her than he'd ever felt or imagined he would feel. Because he was far past the point of having a schoolboy crush and was falling more hopelessly, wildly in love with her by the day. And because, even better than all of that, she was starting to feel the same way <em>back</em>. She had gone to The Three Broomsticks with him and his parents like she belonged with him. She had left the common room holding his hand after his match. She had been jealous of girls he'd been with before her. And she had just marked him, and was now lavishing him with her mouth for a second time, and James thought it was a miracle he could still even breathe because he felt like his heart had taken up his whole chest.</p><p>Her tongue swirling over his head like that brought him firmly back to reality as his rising pressure seemed to suddenly increase tenfold. He still had his fingers in her hair, rubbing a slow pattern on her scalp as she massaged him with some incomprehensible synergy of hand and lips and tongue. He rocked his hips up toward her mouth in time of the slide of her lips, feeling like every stroke, every swirl of her tongue, was bringing him closer to the edge.</p><p>"<em>Oh</em>, fuck—Lily—just like that—<em>fuck</em>, that's it—don't stop."</p><p>Her free hand squeezed his hip, and then she somehow tipped him even deeper into her mouth, sending a flurry of swears tumbling from his. His fingers tightened in her hair as he thrust into her mouth, another small cry escaping him as she tugged him harder and kept swirling her tongue around him in that deliciously firm pressure.</p><p>In a choked voice, he managed to push out, "Lil—I'm close—<em>fuck</em>, do that again—oh, fuck yes"—she was positively <em>sucking</em> him, some indecipherable mixture of tongue and saliva and heat and pressure and throat, and he felt ready to burst, like his cock was a tripwire about to set off at any moment—"<em>oh</em>—yes, Lily—<em>yes</em>, fuck, <em>fuck</em>—<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>And then suddenly he was bursting, barely recognizing the strangled sounds coming out of his mouth, and he could have sworn he felt her smile as he came, and somehow he thought that made him come even harder, stars bursting behind his eyes as they scrunched shut and he supported her head, wanting to hold her closer to him but not wanting to hold her too hard, and she was sucking him through it, and when he managed to flutter his eyes open and watch her as she coaxed him through his climax, he was suddenly flooded with warmth, with tenderness, at how much more intimate it felt to have her head in his lap like this, to be so much closer to her while her mouth was on him than he would be if he were laying down, to be rubbing gentle fingertips around her scalp, her neck, and watching her as she swallowed his release.</p><p>His whole body seemed to go slack as he finished, and Lily slowly pulled her mouth from him, looking up at him with a smile as she wiped her mouth and then sucked her fingers. If it was possible to come undone any more than he already was, he would have at the sight of that.</p><p>James reached for her elbows to guide her up, but when she tried to climb back into his lap, he turned her around so she was facing the table, and he pressed his lips softly to her back as he reached between her legs, swirling slow fingers over her still-wet knickers.</p><p>"Making me come turn you on, Evans?"</p><p>She gasped at his touch, gripping the edge of the table as she breathed, "You have no idea."</p><p>James leaned back in his chair, pulling her back against him with one hand reaching up to her chest while his other hand slipped under the slippery fabric.</p><p>She gasped reflexively, saying, "But James, I'm—"</p><p>"Shh." He folded her back gently, found her pleasure point with his fingertip. "I don't care, I want to touch you right here."</p><p>She had been so aroused for so long that anything she might have had in for her period hardly prevented her from being absurdly wet for him, and he dipped a finger just far enough to smear some of that wetness back over her most sensitive spot. Lily moaned softly, arching and squirming against his hand, and he immediately gave her those short strokes she liked, whisper soft and increasingly faster. She was almost instantly falling apart, sliding lower in his lap, thrusting against his fingers, and he smiled against the back of her neck, still holding her tight to him with this other arm wrapped firmly around her middle.</p><p>"James, <em>fuck</em>—gods, what—<em>oh</em>—"</p><p>Her knees were falling wider, her hips were frantic, her breathing rapid. She reached under her for his leg, like she just needed to hold onto him.</p><p>"I got you, Lil."</p><p>"Oh—<em>James</em>—oh, I'm <em>close</em>—"</p><p>"I know." He could feel her tensing, so wet she was drenching his fingers, and they weren't even inside her. "And someday I'm gonna see just how long I can keep you here, close like this"—she let out a little mewling sound—"but right now, I'm making you come." He gave her a little more pressure, a little more speed, and it was nearly instantaneous—she bucked against his hand, and with just a couple of swift flicks of his finger, she shuddered and twitched in his lap, moaning soft <em>J's</em> and <em>fucks</em> as he stroked her through it.</p><p>After awhile whe grabbed his forearm and he obediently stilled his fingers, nuzzling into her hair at the back of her neck as he circled his arms around her middle. She was breathing hard, trying to catch her breath, and he smiled as he inhaled the honey scent of her hair.</p><p>"You're so fucking perfect," he murmured.</p><p>Her body seemed to relax, if it was possible, even more against his chest. "James, what—"</p><p>He cut off her question, answering her literally. "We came twice in a row at the dinner table. That's what we just did, Lily."</p><p>She drew in an almost shaky breath. "D'you think…other people, um, do that?"</p><p>James chuckled softly into her hair. "No, Lil, I don't."</p><p>Her voice was softer, tentative, as she asked, "Have you ever…been like this? With anyone else?"</p><p>He didn't hesitate. "Never."</p><p>She was quiet after that, and he dotted kisses around her neck and over her shoulder, feeling her sigh as she relaxed against him, her fingertips tracing soft patterns over his arms. Eventually, she shifted in his lap, twisting to look up at him, her emerald eyes bright in the candlelight.</p><p>"Potter, have you ever even <em>had</em> ravioli before?"</p><p>He grinned. "No, but if you like it, I'm sure I will."</p><p>She rolled her eyes at that, ruffling his hair as she slid out of his lap, but the the look on her face was something tender, like she was secretly pleased. She straightened herself up as she made her way around to her chair, and he buttoned his own shirt and fixed his fly, and with a quick wave of her wand, the plated food was steaming and she was lifting her glass of wine out toward him, a mischievous glint in her eye.</p><p>"To your first time eating ravioli," she said playfully.</p><p>He picked up his own glass and clinked it against hers. "To your first time eating ravioli <em>in Hogwarts</em>."</p><p>She couldn't hold back the grin spreading over her face or the giggles tumbling out of her mouth, and they both drank deeply from their wine before turning to the pasta that she hadn't shut up about when she'd been fourteen, and as soon as he took his first bite, he understood that it was worth every minute of her hype, and he told her so.</p><p>Only later—after they'd polished off the bottle of wine and all the ravioli and stumbled tipsily back up the elf passages and kissed outside the portrait hole before going back into the common room and departing for separate staircases—when he lay staring at the canopy of his bed, did he fully realize that he'd technically just had his first real date, and that it had been with Lily Evans, and that it had been nothing that he'd ever expected a real date to be and yet it had been, undoubtedly, the best date of his life.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>As they all walked down to breakfast the next morning, James sidled up to her, holding a small square of parchment between two of his fingers. Looking up at him with a furrowed brow, she took it, unfolding it to find that one of its edges was torn, like it had come from a piece of parchment ripped in half, and that it was blank.</p><p>"What is this?" she asked quietly.</p><p>James smiled and bent towards her ear as he said, "It's like the two-way mirror I have with Sirius, just for notes. I have the other piece."</p><p>A new fluttery feeling started surging through her veins at the idea, and she folded the parchment back up and slid it inside one of the front pockets of her bag.</p><p>"Don't get to talk to me enough, is that it?"</p><p>He chuckled. "The honorable answer is that I really wished I had it earlier this week, so I could have talked to you sooner."</p><p>Lily looked up at him through her lashes, warmth pooling in her stomach. "And the dishonorable answer?"</p><p>His eyes flashed with something heated as he glanced down at her. "You'll see."</p><p>She barely had time to process that before they were turning into the Great Hall, and it was then, a few moments later, as she watched him flash a smile and a cheeky retort to Kingsley down the table while he swung his leg over the bench to sit across from her, that she knew her malady—that one she'd contracted earlier that term, commonly known as <em>fancying James Potter</em>—had progressed to new levels of besotted.</p><p>It was really rather gross.</p><p>For one, she was obsessed with his body. Full-on addicted. It was a challenge to pull her eyes away from the sight of those slim trousers, that tucked shirt, and her pulse fluttered as she realized the love bite she'd left would still be there, hidden from view only by a layer of school uniform, for only them to know about.</p><p>For another, having sufficiently chastised him for being slutty with other girls last summer, she found herself enamored with how slutty they were together. She hadn't really stopped to think about it before, but now, having crossed some invisible line by giving each other multiple orgasms at the dinner table without actually having sex, it was really too much to ignore. Her and James were straight-up slutty with each other. Hell, she was half-tempted to drag him by the tie to the nearest broom-closet just so she could feel his fingers up her skirt and have his cock in her mouth, preferably at the same time.</p><p>Like she said. Much besotted. Rather gross.</p><p>She might have still been contemplating the angles of just such a scenario when their eyes locked, because James arched a brow and said quietly, "Something catch your eye, Evans?"</p><p>"Everything, really." The words were out of her mouth before she'd had time to think.</p><p>A sly grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as he reached for the pitcher of orange juice.</p><p>Just then, an elbow collided violently with her ribs. "Ow!"</p><p>Mary leaned in between her and James and hissed, "Can you at least <em>try</em> to look like you're not about to have sex at breakfast?"</p><p>Lily flushed, busying herself with buttering toast, but she heard the grin in James's voice as he said, "Come on, Mac, why'd you have to put an idea like <em>that</em> in my head?"</p><p>She could also hear the eye-roll in Mary's voice as she said, "Control yourself, James. <em>I</em> get her at breakfast."</p><p>"Since when?"</p><p>"Since now. Lily, don't look at him, we're talking about this funny story that happened in Herbology yesterday…"</p><p>Lily looked up, meeting his eye briefly, and for a fleeting second they shared a smile before he turned to talk to Peter, and then Lily angled her body the other way, saying to Mary, "Tell me it involves a Slytherin getting pussed on."</p><p>Mary's eyes shone as she swallowed a bite of eggs, shaking her head. "No, <em>better</em>—"</p><p>It actually involved Mulciber getting his trousers partially ripped off by a Venomous Tentactula while he was attempting to tend to the fire seed bushes they were minding, the result being that he'd yelped and jerked his hedge shears, offending the fire seed bush, and ended up with the back of his trousers missing while the front caught flame, and because they had incurred damage by a fire seed bush, they weren't mendable by normal charms, so he'd had to walk back up to the castle in just his pants with the other Slytherins forming a semblance of a circle around him. Lily barely managed to choke down her toast for laughing so hard, and they were still giggling about it as they filed into the Charms classroom and started pulling out their books.</p><p>Flitwick clapped his hands, calling for the seventh years' attention, and settled into his lecture, telling them they would be going over theory that day and would need to be prepared to practice the Gouging Spell the following Tuesday, when he would have a rock wall ready for them with a prize hidden inside for the student who could best master the spell to reach it. Lily smiled, making a note for herself. This was a spell that was essential to curse-breaking, and she had already read this chapter in the book in her excitement to learn it.</p><p>She only lasted a few minutes into Flitwick's lecture before she looked at James. It was like he was a fucking magnet, the pull to him so irresistible it felt like it wasn't even a choice, was just her body obeying the current between them. He sat directly across the center aisle from her, and he was leaning back in his chair, quill poised over his parchment, staring right at her. The heat in his gaze was enough to knock the wind out of her from where she sat; she watched his molten eyes travel over her, his face hungry, and she knew—she just <em>knew</em>—he was thinking about last night. He had to be.</p><p>She hadn't been able to get it out of her head either.</p><p>Lily smirked as an idea occurred to her. Reaching down into her bag, she pulled out the piece of parchment James had given her that morning, and before she had time to overthink, she dipped her quill into her ink and wrote, <em>Will you stop undressing me with your eyes, please? </em></p><p>The words sunk into the parchment and disappeared. She looked up at James, saw him fighting a smile as he reached down to pull a piece of parchment from his own bag. He read it swiftly and then met her eyes over the tops of his glasses, a sly grin on his face. His hand flew briefly across the parchment, and then he looked back up at her, his brow arched.</p><p>She looked back down at her parchment, where his slanting handwriting had appeared. <em>Not a chance, Evans</em>.</p><p>A flush crept up the side of her neck. Damn him, always making her body betray her like that. She scrawled, <em>Don't expect me to help you with your notes.</em></p><p>He smirked, not even looking at her as he immediately wrote back, <em>As if you could resist helping your Head Boy out.</em></p><p>Oh, he <em>didn't</em>. But really, she wasn't surprised he did, the damn suave, sexy prat. Good thing two could play that game.</p><p>
  <em>I've ruined you, haven't I?</em>
</p><p>Now it was his turn to blush, his cheeks turning the faintest pink as he stared at the parchment, then flashed her a cheeky grin as he bent to write.</p><p>
  <em>For life, Lily. </em>
</p><p>Her pulse was quickening, all the blood seeming to zoom around in her body as she stared at those words—<em>for life</em>—and saw her name, for the first time, in his handwriting. Absurdly, she wanted to keep it, and she actually felt a pang of disappointment, almost <em>longing</em>, when the words, having been read, faded into the parchment.</p><p>She needed to get a grip. She was in <em>class</em>, for Merlin's sake.</p><p><em>Good thing I like doing the ruining, then</em>.</p><p>Oh fuck. Had she really just <em>written</em> that to him? It had just popped into her brain, and her betraying hand had just started writing, and she'd barely even thought about it, and now she stared at him, in shock over herself, and watched him lift a hand to half-hide the wicked grin spreading across his face.</p><p>
  <em>Good thing we have that in common, then.</em>
</p><p>That bloody <em>bastard</em>. As if she could even attempt to think about class now.</p><p>
  <em>What, not being attentive?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, I think we're very attentive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In CLASS, Potter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Having some trouble focusing today, Evans?</em>
</p><p>She looked up at him to find him already staring at her, a wicked grin half-hidden by the hand casually propping his face.</p><p>
  <em>You better hope I don't mistake you for the rock wall on Tuesday.</em>
</p><p>His hand covered his mouth more fully; the bastard was trying not to laugh.</p><p><em>At least I'll be carved up knowing I finally had a date with my dream girl</em>.</p><p>Lily bit back a smile as she wrote, <em>You're such a melt</em>.</p><p>Just then, she felt Mary's elbow in her rib a second time, and she looked up confusedly, her stomach dropping, as she saw Professor Flitwick looking at her expectantly.</p><p>"Er—I'm sorry, I was writing something down, could you repeat your question?"</p><p>If Flitwick had picked up on her utter distraction, he didn't let it show, merely squeaking, "Of course. I asked if you recalled the Latin translation for today's incantation?"</p><p>Her mind instantly blanked. She had <em>read</em> this, she remembered thinking it was beyond obvious, but now it escaped her completely.</p><p>"Um—"</p><p>A flash of movement caught her eye, and she glanced down toward her notes, where James's handwriting lit up the small square of parchment. <em>Defodio = dig out</em>.</p><p>"To—dig out?"</p><p>Flitwick beamed and clapped his hands. "Precisely! Take five points, Miss Evans. Now…"</p><p>She waited until Flitwick had turned his attention back to the blackboard before glancing back at James. It was like he sensed her eyes on him, and he met her gaze with a smile. She bent to the parchment and scribbled, <em>That was all your fault, but thanks</em>.</p><p>He looked up to wink at her, and then a moment later his handwriting appeared. <em>I got you.</em></p><p>Her insides felt far too warm for such simple words, but something about them struck a chord deep within her. Remus's old Top 10 list flashed before her mind. <em>He is an excellent friend</em>. She could remember their banter that first Friday back, when she'd told Remus, "We're currently braving the <em>friend</em> part. <em>Excellent </em>remains to be seen," and he had just laughed and said, "Well, let me know when you get there, will you?"</p><p>It hit her then, that she <em>was</em> there. Suddenly, so sneakily she hadn't noticed it happening, James had become her <em>friend</em>. Well, more than <em>just</em> a friend, obviously, but besides her malady, beyond the wild desire and rush of admiration she felt for him all the time, she just <em>liked</em> him. She <em>got along</em> with him. She liked talking and bantering and joking and studying and working with him just as much as she liked snogging and cuddling and shagging. And she realized, with a deep ache in her heart, that he had been nothing but an excellent friend to her since the start of term. He had been there for her from the start, had had her back in ways as big as confronting Slytherins and as small as passing her an answer in class.</p><p>And for whatever reason—maybe because of everything they'd talked about the night before, maybe because he'd taken her on a secret date that had been more romantic than any afternoon in Madame Puddifut's and more sexy than anything she could have imagined, maybe because the secret date had come about so he could be honest with her about his past, maybe because she was finally starting to feel like she was learning him, <em>knowing</em> him—that realization crashed over her like a tidal wave. As if subconsciously, she'd spoken true that morning at morning at breakfast. He <em>was</em> everything. Not just physically, and not just in an outwardly showy way. He was all of the intangible things, too—those quiet qualities that all sort of blended together to make her see what Remus had been trying to tell her: he was an excellent friend. He was an excellent <em>person</em>.</p><p>If the night before had showed her anything, it was that James <em>understood</em> her. He hadn't chastised her for feeling jealous of exes she had no rational reason to be jealous of. Belatedly, she realized he had probably felt the same way, maybe even worse, about all of the other blokes <em>she'd</em> dated or been linked to before him. And she wasn't even sure if it was <em>what</em> he'd said that had assuaged her brewing insecurities, so much as it was <em>how</em> he'd said it, calm and straightforward, and how he had taken the time to get them in that room, with her favorite food, <em>while</em> he said it.</p><p>And he had been right. Really, she shouldn't have been surprised. When it came to them, he usually was, probably because he had been thinking about this, analyzing their dynamic, studying her, <em>far</em> longer than she had ever thought about him that way. She had let dumb insecurities over girls of his past get to her, and she had also been bent out of shape over the Quidditch thing, without ever stopping to consider that <em>he</em> could have been bent out of shape over the Hufflepuff thing.</p><p>And fuck it all if she hadn't realized at that point that he drove her mad entirely because he <em>wasn't</em> a goody two-shoes pretty boy. Well, he was very pretty, but she got what he meant. In her dating life, she had mostly gone for <em>neat</em>, <em>goody goody</em>, <em>by the book</em>—and she had always been left wanting. James was everything but: he was messy, intuitive, assertive, spontaneous—yet also unfailingly earnest. He had an edginess about him tempered by a softness at the same time, and though it was his edginess that made her pulse race and her body crave him, it was his softness that made her heart melt and those words she was still slightly afraid of—<em>falling in love</em>—drift into her mind.</p><p>Her face must have betrayed her thoughts because when she looked back up at him, he was still watching her with that look on his face, something like wonder and desire wrapped up in one, and without waiting for her reply, he scribbled another note.</p><p>
  <em>I think we have a lunch meeting in our office, yeah?</em>
</p><p>She bit her lip to try and stop the smile threatening to break over her face, and she didn't dare look at him, so she propped her head with her other hand so she could duck down over her parchment before scribbling back, <em>Yes, I need to ruin you some more</em>.</p><p>Lily looked up just in time to see him hastily cover his smile with his hand, but then he took real notes for awhile, not meeting her eyes, and Lily didn't miss how he chewed his lip and kept glancing at the charmed parchment, like he was thinking about what to say back. She turned to her own notes, keeping the charmed parchment within view, and when his handwriting finally appeared, she thought her heart might have stopped for a second.</p><p>
  <em>Careful, Evans, or I might just bring a bag of Apple Rings on Saturday.</em>
</p><p>Merlin, she hadn't thought about that memory in ages. She had been sure he'd done it on a bet or a dare, because his friends had been cackling from a way's away down the table, but in fourth year, he had come over to where she had been sitting with the girls at lunch and, without preamble, had gotten down on one knee and proposed simultaneous marriage and Hogsmeade Date with an Apple Ring. She had burst out laughing, and he had been trying and failing to keep a straight face, and she had plucked the Apple Ring from his finger and popped it straight in her mouth, telling him, "You really think you can just <em>bribe</em> me with my favorite sweet?" He'd flashed her a cheeky grin, still on one knee, and said, "Everything's worth a try for you, Evans." She'd rolled her eyes, told him, "You'll have to try something else, I don't go on dates with bribing gits," but then as he'd gotten up, she'd added, "But if you wanted to give me the whole bag, I might consider the marriage part someday." He'd tugged her ponytail and winked at her, calling over his shoulder, "I'll hold you to that, Evans."</p><p>Lily looked up at him and found him already looking at her, his expression warm but curious, maybe even <em>nervous</em>, and she scrawled back, <em>They're still my favorite</em>.</p><p>He hid his smile behind his hand and wrote, <em>I know</em>.</p><p>Transfiguration was a practical lesson that day, so there was no time for note-taking, and it was particularly difficult, so there wasn't any time for playful banter with Sirius and James behind them, but her and Mary ultimately managed to transfigure each other into lambs and back again without incident, though apparently Lily had remained a cute pink color, as Mary had trouble with the effect of her red hair, and ended up being sort of a marvel in class as all the girls wanted to ogle the pink lamb, and even James gave her some ear scratches.</p><p>It was like her and James were of one mind. As soon as class was over, they were making easy excuses to their friends about having to deal with Heads stuff, grabbing sandwiches from Gryffindor Table, and then heading straight back against the flow of students coming in, going up the grand staircase, and swiftly navigating their way toward the fifth floor.</p><p>They didn't even make it past the small corridor in their office. The second the door was shutting behind them, Lily was dropping her bag to the floor, hearing James do the same, and then he was pressing her into the wall, his mouth hot on hers, his hands sliding up her waist to cover her breasts in gentle squeezes while his knee shoved between her legs.</p><p>Lily roped her hands through his hair, arching into him as she tried to pull him closer, kiss him deeper. Her mind spun, and she felt almost dizzy, caught in a hurricane of sensation from his soft lips, wet tongue, sharp teeth, slippery hair, warm hands—hands that felt like they were everywhere at once, somehow having unbuttoned her shirt and found their way to the bare skin of her waist, around her ribs, over her lace bra, cupping and squeezing and pinching.</p><p>He broke from her mouth only to go straight to her neck, panting a soft, "Lily—I need you."</p><p>Her insides flooded with warmth, matching the body heat flooding her skin, and she slid her hands down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt as she went, her fingers fumbling with the buttons as his tongue on her throat sent her gasping and sighing against him. But somehow she managed it, and she tugged his shirt free of his trousers, hearing his soft groan as her hands roamed over his skin, sent his muscles tensing under her fingers, and then she finally slid a hand lower, along the thick length straining in his trousers, smiling into his neck at his responding whimper, his reflexive thrust, his immediate press to be even closer to her.</p><p>"You really do," she murmured, and he just made a desperate growl in response. She slid her fingers lower along a teasing path that set him slamming his hips into her, his leg like marble as he pinned her completely with his body. His mouth was back on hers in a heated kiss, all tongue and teeth and movement that left her quite literally weak in the knees, and she slid her hands between them, unbuttoning his trousers and tugging the zipper down.</p><p>James broke from her mouth then, his voice husky, breathless, as he said, "Lily—fuck, will you—"</p><p>Lily reached up on tiptoes to nuzzle her nose around his, not missing how his lips were swollen and red, his cheeks already flushed. "What do you want, James?"</p><p>She heard him swallow, his next words sounding almost choked. "Your mouth—"</p><p>Lily cut him off with a kiss and then trailed her mouth down his torso, lowering herself in front of him, hearing him swearing softly as he braced himself against the wall above her. When she reached the love bite she'd left the night before, she gave it a quick suck and then, for good measure, left another one, just a short ways below the first. James hissed and writhed against her, his erection brushing against her neck, her cheek. Without warning, without any of the teasing buildup she normally did, abandoning Dahlia's prior instructions entirely, Lily closed her mouth over his head while she cupped him below, swirling with her tongue even as she immediately sucked, and James bucked so strongly against her mouth that her hands reflexively flew to his hips to push back against him.</p><p>"Fuck, sorry," he gasped. "Just—<em>fuck</em>, Lily—I've been thinking about this—all fucking <em>morning</em>—"</p><p>She grasped him firmly, working him with those strokes he liked as she kept swirling and sucking, and he moaned in earnest then, his voice almost a wheeze as he panted, "<em>Oh</em>, fuck—baby—<em>that</em>—fuck, I'm—Lil—<em>Lil</em>—"</p><p>Lily only increased her pace in working him as he talked, kept it as tonguey on his head as it was possible to be even as she sucked at him, and when she heard that <em>edge</em> in his voice, those whimpering <em>Lils</em> that sounded unlike any sound or tone he ever otherwise made, she slid him deeper in her mouth as she slipped her other hand underneath him with a gentle squeeze. He came with a sharp cry and a shudder, and she instinctively reached for his hips, holding him steady as she sucked him through his climax and memorized the sound of all those incoherent, moaning noises and breathless swears escaping him.</p><p>When he was finally done and she pulled her mouth from him, she looked up to find him still bracing against the wall, his forehead pillowed in the bend of his elbow, breathing deeply. Lily got to her feet, wrapping her arms around his middle, nuzzling her face in his neck, dotting kisses to his collarbone.</p><p>"James?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>Lily giggled softly. "We have to go to to Defense."</p><p>"Fuck <em>me</em>."</p><p>She reached up on tiptoes so she could ghost her lips across his jaw and whisper, "I will this weekend."</p><p>His eyes snapped down to her at that. She simpered playfully at him, then added, "I mean, assuming I have fun on our date, of course."</p><p>James chuckled, hugging her into his chest, and then he dipped toward her ear, his voice low. "You'll have fun. I'm the only one who makes you come, remember? And I'm going to make you come as many times as you want."</p><p>The air flew from her chest; she had no doubt he would, and the thought alone made her weak, made the ache she always seemed to have for him increase tenfold. And vaguely, as they stood hugging for another moment before putting themselves back together for class, Lily replayed going down on James in her mind and thought she had never known until then how it was possible to love—to genuinely <em>enjoy</em>—giving pleasure to someone else without thinking of her own, and she realized, like a swift punch to her gut, that if James felt that way <em>back</em>, not only were they in deep trouble, but that Saturday really, truly would be the most fun and most <em>attentive</em> date she'd ever experience.</p><p>They took a few bites of their sandwiches to tide them over and then met back up with their friends outside the Defense classroom in the midst of a laughter-filled conversation, James's hand on the back of her neck as he bent toward her ear. Lily didn't miss their friends' knowing smiles or Sirius's wink, nor the looks of surprise on Aiko and Garrytt's faces, nor the inquisitive gaze on Dolohov's, nor the snarl on Snape's. She smiled up at James, giving him a moment of her undivided attention, and realized she didn't mind—and actually rather wanted—everyone to be talking about the Head Boy and Girl being touchy and affectionate come dinner.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>She got her wish and then some. Not only were whispers flying around the Great Hall that the Head Boy and Girl had missed lunch in the midst of having a full day of classes together, only to reappear looking quite cuddly, but there was even the start of speculation that the longtime antagonists turned Head Boy and Girl might not just be fuck buddies after all but might—<em>gasp</em>—actually…maybe…start to…<em>date</em>.</p><p>The collective pulse of the cesspool was all aflutter, because only Friday stood in the way of October's Hogsmeade Saturday, and then Slughorn's Halloween party was coming up the next Friday, and the one piece of information that every petty hallway girl in the castle could agree on was that James Potter didn't have a date to either.</p><p>Lily couldn't stop beaming. It was almost disgusting, how much smug satisfaction she felt, but she held her tongue, biding her time, waiting for her moment. She felt a new confidence now, genuinely unthreatened by the swarming, scheming girls around her, and she thought James could tell by how he flashed her that crinkle-eyed grin and winked at her down the table. It was like an unspoken game, a silent agreement to stoke the fire just for fun, because they knew, and their friends knew, that they were nurturing this special spark between them and that it was only a matter of time, really, until the rest of the school knew it too.</p><p>After dinner, James and Sirius set off for a fly, and Lily settled in to work on Arithmancy with Remus, with Marlene, Mary, and Peter next to them struggling through Herbology.</p><p>Mary grumbled under her breath, "How the bloody <em>hell</em> did those two finish this already?"</p><p>Peter flipped through his textbook idly. "No idea."</p><p>Remus flicked him an exasperated look. "Because they haven't, Pete."</p><p>Marlene looked offended. "What? And they're just off <em>messing around</em>?"</p><p>Mary rolled her eyes. "You sound like such a <em>mum</em>, Marly."</p><p>Remus chuckled and squeezed Marlene's shoulder affectionately. "Should we ground 'em, babe?"</p><p>Marlene took the joke in stride, leaning in for a quick cuddle as she said, "Nah, just forget to silence the drapes, I think."</p><p>Peter looked aghast as his eyes snapped up towards Remus and Marlene. "Hey now, that's not fair—"</p><p>Remus shrugged. "Collateral damage, Pete, sorry."</p><p>Lily giggled over her Arithmancy, catching Mary's eye as her friend mimed gagging over her parchment. Marlene swatted Mary playfully, chiding, "Don't think we haven't noticed your bed empty on occasion, Mac."</p><p>Lily lifted her eyes over to Mary, her curiosity piqued. She knew whom <em>she</em> suspected Mary was sneaking around with, but she wasn't sure if any of the others had caught on, so she didn't say anything. A rare blush tinged Mary's cheeks pink as she looked determinedly at her essay, chewing her cheek.</p><p>Marlene wasn't going to let her off that easy. "Who's the lucky bloke, hmm?"</p><p>But Mary was saved from answering because just then, Emmeline Vance approached where their clump of tables, and Mary said brightly, "Hey, Emmy! What's up?"</p><p>Emmeline smiled. "Hey, everyone." She was clutching a book, and she turned her gaze on Lily as she said, "I was actually wondering, um, if I could ask you some questions? About Arithmancy? It's just that we've started a new unit, and I'm a little lost, and James had mentioned that you're really good at maths, and—"</p><p>"He did?"</p><p>Emmeline looked momentarily surprised, and Remus chuckled across from Lily.</p><p>"Er, yeah, on Tuesday. I was venting with Hugh at practice about our homework, and he said you were really good at maths—"</p><p>Remus cut in, "Because she's genius at maths. Here, take my seat, Emmy, I'm going to help these fools with Herbology for awhile."</p><p>He slid over into Marlene's chair, and Lily watched as Marlene resettled in Remus's lap, looping an arm around his shoulders and ruffling his hair before they turned to Herbology.</p><p>Lily turned back to see Emmeline sitting in Remus's seat, looking slightly nervous as she opened her book to where she'd marked the page with a sheaf of parchment. Lily smiled and said, "Ah, you've started functions. Okay, these take some getting used to, but I'll walk you through how I do them first, and then we can go from there, okay?"</p><p>Time passed quickly as Lily became immersed in working through maths with Emmeline, who Lily knew was sharp but just seemed to be having somewhat of a mental block in wrapping her mind around this new concept.</p><p>As Emmeline sighed in frustration over getting another homework problem wrong, her face in her hands, Lily pulled a scrap of parchment toward her and turned to the set of problems in the book, which all seemed refreshingly elementary compared to the practice problems her and Remus had been dealt.</p><p>"I'm hopeless," Emmeline mumbled.</p><p>"No," Lily said absently, scrawling answers on the parchment, "you're just learning something completely new. It took me <em>ages</em> to get differentials last year, even Eddie was getting frustrated, and he's the most patient fucking person on the <em>planet</em>."</p><p>Just then, Lily heard a screeching whisper of Emmeline's name, and she looked up to see Emmeline blushing, shaking her head as she met someone's eyes.</p><p>Lily had a guess who it was.</p><p>"Okay, here you go." She turned the parchment toward Emmeline and saw the girl's face light up in simultaneous excitement and horror.</p><p>"But are these—all the <em>answers</em>?"</p><p>Lily nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes it helps me to learn math backwards, like to study the problem knowing the answer. Takes the stress out, you know? If you start practicing too cold, without understanding what you're doing, you aren't helping yourself. So don't worry about figuring out the answers tonight, just spend some time with these and think about <em>why</em> they're the right answers, okay?"</p><p>Emmeline was smiling so earnestly she looked almost like she wanted to cry. "Thanks, Lily. Really, this is so incredibly nice. I mean, I know you're nice, you're—<em>you</em>, but this is just—thank you."</p><p>Lily smiled warmly. "Of course, I'm happy to help."</p><p>There was an outburst of giggling somewhere off to the side, and Emmeline grimaced slightly as she blushed.</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "Is, um, everything <em>else</em> okay, Emmy?"</p><p>Emmeline sighed, not looking over her shoulder and instead looking pointedly down at her parchment, as if she was trying to make it look like they were really talking about Arithmancy, and said in a quiet voice, "My friend Gwen is…into James. And ever since Saturday, she's been, um, pestering me to ask about—you know. You two. And I've told her over and over again that I won't, because you're both my superiors, and it's none of anyone's business, but—"</p><p>"Emmy." Lily spoke softly, and Emmeline lifted her dark eyes toward Lily's, looking bashful. "That's kind of you. Really, it's…refreshing to know there are still people in this school who respect other people's privacy."</p><p>Emmeline nodded, smiling kindly, and Lily heard the unmistakable voices of Adelaide and Gwen laughing and talking with a group of girls that Lily was determinedly not looking at.</p><p>"But," Lily told her, "everyone will know come Saturday, so it's not exactly like it's a secret…" Emmeline's eyes widened, and Lily smirked. "You can tell Gwen that if she gets another offer for Saturday, she should take it, because James is taking me."</p><p>Emmeline's mouth fell, and she leaned in closer, whispering excitedly, "Really? You're really dating?"</p><p>Lily nodded, that smug satisfaction purring in her chest. "We're really dating."</p><p>Emmeline beamed at her, but before she could say anything else, Sirius and James burst through the portrait hole like a tornado, hair windswept, faces still sweaty. They were wearing athletic ensembles, and Lily's heart skipped a beat as she took in James more fully in his black joggers and gray long-sleeve shirt, the soft material clinging in all the right places around his chest, his shoulders, pooling around his waist.</p><p>The gaggle of giggling girls had stopped their giggling, and Adelaide called, "What have you boys been up to?"</p><p>Sirius shrugged and lifted an arm to wipe sweat from his brow as he answered, "Just having a fly."</p><p>Mary turned over her shoulder. "About time you're back, come help us with this fucking Herbology."</p><p>James's eyes found Lily's, and she saw them dart over the scene of her with Emmeline and then the group of girls clumped not far away, which included not only Adelaide but Gwen and the other fifth-year girls who they'd spied interrogating Emmeline about the boys' abs, and before Lily had time to register what was happening, James had lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face, so casually it had looked subconscious—except for the fact that his abs were now fully on display, on <em>that</em> side, the side where Lily had sucked on his skin and left not one, but <em>two</em> blossoming love bites just inside his hip bone, above one of those delicious diagonal lines, and the second one she'd left was so low that the band of his briefs cut through it.</p><p>For a moment, the room went silent, the gaggle of girls seemingly rendered, for once, completely soundless, and James let his shirt fall back down as he ran a hand through his hair and made his way toward their group of friends, passing behind Lily and squeezing the back of her neck gently as he went.</p><p>Marlene beamed at her. Remus winked. Sirius gaped where he stood leaning over Mary's chair. Emmeline looked slightly flustered. James just pulled up a chair between Lily and Peter, turning it around so that he sat leaning over the back, and said, "So where're you guys at?"</p><p>Conversation picked up again, everyone resuming what they'd been doing before, and Lily finally turned her head toward where the gaggle of girls had been hovering a short way's away, finding Adelaide already staring right at her. Lily held her gaze a moment, feeling like her whole body was about to burst with the surge of attraction she'd felt for James as he'd somehow schooled those girls and claimed Lily in one fell swoop, and then she turned back to her maths, felt the gentle pressure of James's knee against her leg, and that smug satisfaction roared in her chest more disgustingly, disturbingly loud than ever before.</p><p>Saturday couldn't come soon enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Still A Man in My Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>It started in Alchemy the next morning. She had set up her parchment by her book to take notes, as normal, but she had also set that special piece of parchment slightly behind her real notes, and about halfway through class, James's handwriting appeared.</p>
<p>
  <em>Morning, Evans.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hi Potter. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You in Alchemy?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes. How was last night?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Late, finished Herb at 2</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope your fly was worth it</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Flying was fun, showing off for you was better</em>
</p>
<p>Lily blushed, hiding her face behind her hand as she ducked her head and pretended to take real notes for a moment. She still couldn't stop picturing his abs—chiseled, a little sweaty—with the love bites she'd left—one more purple, the other more red—and she swore she could still feel the pressure of his fingers on her neck, seeming to sear her skin as they left just the lightest of squeezes. It had taken an incredible amount of willpower to pack up her things once she'd finished her Arithmancy problems and head upstairs to her dormitory, but her friends still had a lot of Herbology left to do and she would have been more distraction than help. Though that also meant she'd had the dormitory to herself, and she most definitely hadn't stopped thinking about him.</p>
<p>Since a new symptom of her malady was apparently to feel more emboldened by the day, Lily scrawled back, <em>Getting off to you was easy when I had that to think about</em>.</p>
<p>The parchment stayed blank for a moment. Another.</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>James.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Are you fucking with me right now?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You got off to me last night?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p>He went silent for so long that Lily wondered if he hadn't gone down to breakfast or something. Had maybe missed her last message. But then, suddenly, he was back.</p>
<p>
  <em>You're killing me, you know that?</em>
</p>
<p>Lily fought a smile. <em>Maybe a little. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I</em>
  <em>'m returning the favor.</em>
</p>
<p>Lily froze, staring as the words faded back into the parchment. <em>What? </em></p>
<p>
  <em>I</em>
  <em>'m in our office. Chair by the fire. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ok?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I</em>
  <em>'m about to get off to you. </em>
</p>
<p>Oh, that sexy, insufferable <em>prat</em>. She had no doubt he was; the bastard had even gone to a place she knew, had told her where he was, so she could fucking <em>visualize</em> it, knowing full well she was in class.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck you, Potter.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Exactly what I</em>
  <em>'m about to be thinking about. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hate you sometimes. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Don</em>
  <em>'t drool too much in class, Evans. Be back in a few. </em>
</p>
<p>Oh, <em>damn</em> James Potter. Damn those perfect abs and perfect eyes and perfect hair and perfect…<em>everything</em>. She had no idea <em>what</em> had just happened in the past five minutes of class, could barely comprehend the words coming out of her professor's mouth, but none of it seemed to matter because just then, at that exact moment, James Potter was elsewhere in the castle touching himself to thoughts of <em>her</em>. And it was all the more agonizing because she could <em>picture </em>it; she had <em>seen </em>James in an armchair by the fire in their office, could replay the memory of the sight of his hand pumping himself, could feel, as if it'd just happened, those long fingers wrap tightly around her own and guide her through the slick, tugging strokes he liked.</p>
<p>She gave him precisely sixty seconds of silence, which seemed to last <em>forever</em> when she was counting them like that, and then she wrote, <em>If I were there, you'd have came already</em>.</p>
<p>Her quill hovered for only the briefest of moments, and then she kept writing. She had no idea if he'd be paying attention or if he even had the parchment near him, but on the off chance he did…her hand darted across the page, sending him sentence after sentence.</p>
<p>
  <em>Should we test that? How fast I can get you with my hand? My mouth? You know I'm obsessed with getting you off. And that I wish I were there. I want you all the time, Potter. Last night I thought about you being upstairs with me, alone in my dorm. You went down on me and then shagged me like our first time, in our office in front of the fire. You were so fucking hot that night. You know I have your o-face memorized? Come for me. Right now. I'll bet you're close. I can imagine exactly how big you are. Picture your face, picture you touching yourself. Hear those noises you make. Come, J. I'm remembering you finishing yourself in that empty classroom. I want to know you're coming for me, right now—</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily. Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>Lily paused her quill, hardly daring to breathe. He'd been coming as she'd written his initial, at least—maybe sooner. Something about that, about knowing that he had been climaxing to thoughts of her in those last few moments, sent her insides reeling and overheating with desire for him.</p>
<p>The bell rang. Lily scribbled a hasty, <em>Glad I could help xo</em>, and then stuffed the parchment in the front pocket that had becomes its designated home and scooped up her books.</p>
<p>Thank Merlin that Ancient Runes actually required her full attention, because otherwise she was sure she would have spent the entirety of class daydreaming about James getting himself off in their office, since his being in Herbology at the same time prevented him from being able to send her notes anyway. When the bell rang again, she gathered her books, moving slower this time, her brain sore from the lesson.</p>
<p>"Finally, it's the weekend," Aiko sighed.</p>
<p>Edgar chuckled. "For you, Chang. Lily and I still have Arithmancy."</p>
<p>Aiko gave them a sympathetic look. "I really don't know how you two do it. Runes <em>and</em> Arithmancy? On top of everything else?"</p>
<p>Lily smiled back and said dryly, "I do question my life choices about this time every Friday, believe me."</p>
<p>Garrytt asked softly, "Won't be spending tomorrow holed up studying, I hope?"</p>
<p>Lily looked up from packing her bag, tucking the strand of hair that always came loose back behind her ear. "Uh, no, I'll be in Hogsmeade tomorrow."</p>
<p>He slung his bag over his shoulder. "Cool. Maybe we'll see you."</p>
<p>Lily shrugged. She had no idea what James had planned, but she assumed they'd be in The Three Broomsticks at some point. "Yeah, maybe."</p>
<p>Aiko seemed to be hanging back, looking at her curiously, and then she asked what Lily was sure many people in that school were wondering. "Are you…going with anyone?"</p>
<p>James's face popped into her mind, the thought of their notes that morning sending a flush to her neck, and Lily couldn't stop the smile that quirked at her lips as she said, "Um, yeah. James."</p>
<p>Neither of them looked truly surprised, though she thought Garrytt might look a twinge annoyed, and Aiko seemed a tad disappointed.</p>
<p>Aiko quirked a brow. "Kind of surprising, after that duel last week."</p>
<p>Lily straightened, shouldering her own bag, and chuckled softly. "Well, getting along for the first time in six years hasn't been without its challenges."</p>
<p>Edgar patted her arm as they all wandered into the corridor. "Potter's a good guy, Lil."</p>
<p>Garrytt snorted and muttered, "If you call being an arrogant arse a good guy."</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes, and her and Aiko started to say, "He's not an arse—" right at the same time before cutting off and looking at each other.</p>
<p>Garrytt threw his head back and laughed. "Says the girls distracted by Quidditch body."</p>
<p>Aiko flushed, but Lily arched a brow at Garrytt and retorted, "And also says the Head Girl who's seen him live up to the badge and then some."</p>
<p>Garrytt looked at her with wide eyes, taken aback by her remark. Edgar spoke up again, saying, "I've seen it, Gare. I'll vouch for that."</p>
<p>Garrytt looked between them a moment, then shrugged, seeming to accept that he was outnumbered in his opinion of James. "Whatever."</p>
<p>Lily elbowed him lightly and asked slyly, "Didn't you tell me a few weeks ago that I was an, ah, <em>excellent judge of character</em>?"</p>
<p>Garrytt fell in step with her, Edgar and Aiko drifting ahead, and he arched a brow down at her. "And Potter told <em>me</em> a few weeks ago that you two were just friends."</p>
<p>Lily's stomach dropped. "He—you—when do the two of you even <em>talk</em>?"</p>
<p>Garrytt shrugged. "It was after Slughorn's dinner. Seemed like there was something going on with you two, and it was around the time you said you wanted us to go to Hogsmeade as just friends. So when I saw him at the pub that weekend, I asked him if there was anything going on with you guys, and he just said you were friends."</p>
<p>Lily stared at him, frantically running last month's Hogsmeade Saturday through her mind. They had to have talked before her and James went out back to the alley; once they'd gone back inside, they hadn't really left each other's presence, and Garrytt hadn't been around.</p>
<p>"Well, safe to say some things have…<em>changed</em> since then." She looked up at Garrytt apologetically. "I've been honest with you from the start, but I am sorry if your feelings were hurt, Gare."</p>
<p>He gave her a small smile and chucked her shoulder. "It's all good, Lil. It's no secret I'm not a fan of the guy, but you and I've been friends too long to be petty."</p>
<p>Lily looked at him curiously. "He's different than he used to be."</p>
<p>Garrytt gave her a pointed look. "Maybe he is to <em>you</em>."</p>
<p>"Or," Lily sassed him, "maybe you're just as cocky as he is, hmm?"</p>
<p>Garrytt chuckled. "I think the only things Potter and I have in common are Quidditch and liking you."</p>
<p>Lily's heart gave a lurch. She'd let down many a boy over the years, delivered a line about <em>not having those kinds of feelings</em> many a time, yet that type of conversation never got any easier.</p>
<p>They had almost reached the Great Hall, and Lily stalled briefly. Garrytt looked down at her, dark eyes searching hers, slightly puzzled. She bit her lip a moment, but by the time she opened her mouth to speak, Garrytt must have caught on, because he shook his head and cut her off, saying, "Lily, you don't have to apologize. It's okay. You're right, you've been honest with me about how you feel about me from the beginning, and I've accepted that. I'm not, like, <em>upset</em>. I guess I'm just surprised—as your <em>friend</em>—that you're into <em>him</em>, of all people. Especially knowing how much you hated him last year."</p>
<p>Lily opened her mouth instinctively to defend James, but Garrytt cut over her again.</p>
<p>"Don't. You won't convince me to like him, Lily. Just…promise me he treats you well?"</p>
<p>Lily felt a surge of warmth thinking about everything James had done for her, the times he'd taken care of her. "Yes," she told Garrytt quietly. "Do you really think I'd have given him a chance if he didn't?"</p>
<p>Garrytt gave her a grim sort of smile, but then he nodded, and they turned into the Great Hall, splitting at the door to go their separate ways toward their House tables.</p>
<p>Lily only had to wait a few moments until the rest of her friends appeared, cleaned up from Herbology, and James immediately sat next to her, his "Hey, Evans," like a low purr in her ear. She flashed him a smile; his eyes dazzled back at her, looking almost gold in the bright sunshine of the enchanted ceiling.</p>
<p>"Have a good morning, Potter?"</p>
<p>"Climactic," he answered. Lily choked on her pumpkin juice. James chuckled as he reached across her for a tray of roast beef sandwiches. His shirtsleeves were, as ever, rolled to his elbows, and the muscles in his forearm rippled as he plucked a sandwich from the tray. "Yours?"</p>
<p>"Less so," she responded.</p>
<p>James reached under the table and squeezed her thigh, sending little zips of heat through her veins. His breath tickled her ear as he murmured, "Maybe I just need to try out your little <em>test </em>on <em>you.</em>"</p>
<p>Lily froze. He'd had the parchment with him. Like he'd wanted—<em>expected</em>—her to write to him when she knew what he was doing.</p>
<p>His fingers traced a soft, caressing pattern around her knee. "Probably in our office," he went on, "because now I want to re-do our first time."</p>
<p>He'd really read all her notes. As he'd jerked himself off. Lily swallowed hard, suddenly breathless, beyond aroused, and completely overwhelmed. At the lunch table. "James—"</p>
<p>He chuckled. "Flustered, Evans?"</p>
<p>She threw him a dirty look as she hissed, "What the fuck do <em>you</em> think?"</p>
<p>James grinned and winked at her, but withdrew his hand and turned his attention to eating his sandwich, and when she looked up it was to find Sirius and Remus across the table from them, watching them with a mixture of amusement (Remus) and curiosity (Sirius). Finding her eye on him, Sirius leaned forward on his elbows, saying quietly, "You know, Evans, you surprise me."</p>
<p>Lily arched a brow. "How so, Black?"</p>
<p>His gray eyes seemed to glitter. "Just never took you for an abs girl, thought you'd—"</p>
<p>But Lily's hand had flown to clamp over his mouth with a slap, and she ignored the muffled sounds still emitting from Sirius's mouth as she hissed, "<em>Not</em> at the fucking <em>lunch</em> table, Sirius."</p>
<p>Remus and James were both laughing into their plates, and at Sirius's doleful puppy eyes she pulled her hand away, but then his eyes were twinkling again as he pressed on, "So what, you two can fucking <em>cuddle</em> at the lunch table, but we can't talk about the hickeys on Ja—"</p>
<p>Lily's hand was back over his mouth. "<em>No</em>, you can't—"</p>
<p>Sirius broke away from her hand, chiding her playfully, "Says who?"</p>
<p>"Says me—"</p>
<p>"So what, I saw them—"</p>
<p>"And I <em>left</em> them—"</p>
<p>She cut herself off, realizing the second the words were out of her mouth that she'd fallen into exactly the trap Sirius had laid for her by the way he was grinning.</p>
<p>Sirius held out his hand sideways to Remus. "Pay up, Moony."</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. "What the fuck were you betting on <em>now</em>?"</p>
<p>Remus shook his head, smiling. "Whether you'd ever admit out loud that they were from you after James flashed 'em last night. I thought you'd take that to the grave, Lil."</p>
<p>She felt a blush rising up her cheeks, but she was determined not to be embarrassed by Remus or Sirius, who were, she knew, ultimately in her corner, so she said, "Why would I do <em>that</em>? Better all these petty hallway girls know he's too busy getting blown to pay attention to them."</p>
<p>Remus snorted soda through his nose at the same time James choked on his sandwich, and while she reached up an arm to pat him heartily on the back, her gaze locked on Sirius, who raised his own goblet of pumpkin juice in her direction, gray eyes still twinkling, and beamed his approval.</p>
<p>They all managed to survive lunch without any more choking incidents, and Lily and Remus set off for Arithmancy while the rest of their friends headed back to the Gryffindor common room.</p>
<p>"Proud of you, Lily," Remus said softly as soon as they were out of earshot of them.</p>
<p>She looked over at him curiously. "For what?"</p>
<p>Remus shrugged, hands in his pockets. "For how you're handling it all. With James. Giving him a chance. Not letting dumb gossip or girls like Adelaide get to you."</p>
<p>Lily smiled at him. "Thanks, Reme. Although, I <em>did</em> let it get to me for about a day"—Remus chuckled—"but we talked about it."</p>
<p>"Oh, like something a real couple would do," he teased.</p>
<p>Lily felt a flush rising around her neck, and she chewed her lip, not sure how to respond. Truthfully, she <em>did</em> feel like her and James were becoming just that: a <em>couple</em>. And she <em>liked</em> it.</p>
<p>She'd decided the other night, over that plate of ravioli in a wine cellar she'd never known existed in that castle, that she wanted James Potter to be her boyfriend. Something about that conversation they'd had, the connections he'd drawn, the feelings he'd expressed, all swirled and combined and solidified that her and James just <em>worked</em>. He was everything she'd always wanted in a boy, yet somehow it felt entirely unexpected at the same time. She just felt drawn to him, almost <em>bound</em> to him, like there was some invisible thread linking them that was pulling them closer and closer together. That had maybe started pulling them together far before she'd been able to acknowledge or understand it.</p>
<p>And she'd known, sitting across from him at that small table just then, the candlelight casting a shadowy glow over his face and catching the glare of his glasses, that even though he terrified her completely for how much he made her <em>feel</em>, what terrified her even more was the thought of losing him. Of not having him. Because she didn't just want him to want him anymore—she wanted him to be <em>hers</em>.</p>
<p>He was, in his own way. He'd told her. <em>I'm yours. I'm all in for you. So whenever you're ready, you just say the word</em>. And now she finally <em>was</em> ready. She just needed to figure out how she wanted to tell him.</p>
<p>"Lily?" Remus was looking at her with a puzzled expression. "Did I say something wrong?"</p>
<p>She smiled and shook her head. "No, no. I just…got lost in thought."</p>
<p>His eyes twinkled as they approached their classroom. "You two look good together, Lily."</p>
<p>Her smile widened. "You're not just saying that because you're our friend?"</p>
<p>Remus laughed. "No, I'm far too honest for that. I mean it, you guys look natural. Like it just…works."</p>
<p>"Yeah." Lily could hear the smile in her voice. "I think it does."</p>
<p>They settled into their seats, making small talk with Edgar as they pulled their books and parchment out. She knew she should have left <em>that</em> parchment in her bag, knew she'd feel self-conscious with Remus and Edgar on either side of her, but it was like she had no ability to be sensible when it came to James, so, once again, that little piece of parchment got tucked just behind her parchment of notes, unnoticeable to anyone else amidst the sea of scrawls and practice problems now covering her desk.</p>
<p>She only had to wait until they were halfway through their first problem, but his message was nothing she'd expected.</p>
<p>
  <em>You game for a mission tonight?</em>
</p>
<p>Intrigued, she hastily scrawled back, <em>Obviously</em>.</p>
<p><em>Had a feeling you'd say that</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>But just for clarification…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Is this a </em>
  <em>"real" mission, or an "excuse to cuddle me under your cloak" mission?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Evans. As if I need to create a mission to cuddle you. Please. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Not sure you didn</em>
  <em>'t before. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That was before. And it worked, didn</em>
  <em>'t it?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Insufferable prat. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Exactly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You haven</em>
  <em>'t clarified. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Every mission is a real mission.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hmm.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But yes, this is a </em>
  <em>"real" mission. No time to sneakily cuddle me and almost fall asleep. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Drat. I mean, great? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We might have to run for it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sounds exciting. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I</em>
  <em>'ve corrupted you, haven't I?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes. Completely ruined. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nah, I haven</em>
  <em>'t ruined you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Haven</em>
  <em>'t you?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, not today.</em>
</p>
<p>Lily bit back the smile threatening to break across her face, forcing herself to focus on maths for a moment so she could at least attempt to collect herself. That damn boy. She was far too aroused for being in class, and for sitting between <em>Remus</em> and <em>Edgar</em> of all people. She needed to get it together.</p>
<p>
  <em>One of us is trying to focus on maths, Potter.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And the other one is trying to work you up, Evans.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, you</em>
  <em>'ve succeeded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I think you need to drop your books off on 5 after class, yeah?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Scheming bastard</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For you? Always</em>
</p>
<p>Lily smirked as the words dissolved into the page and turned her full attention back to Arithmancy, needing the rest of class to pass by as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>Remus could totally see right through her excuse, but he didn't chide her, only flashed her a cheeky grin and a wave as he said, "See you two at dinner, yeah?"</p>
<p>Lily stopped in the Prefects' Bathroom for a quick freshen up and hastily undid her plait, fluffing out the waves it had formed with her fingers, before heading back across the hall and striding into their office.</p>
<p>James was at his desk, bent over some essay or other, and Lily watched with purring satisfaction as he did a legitimate double-take as he looked up at her. She just swished by him to unpack her bag at her desk.</p>
<p>"You—let your hair down," he said, his voice sounding slightly vacant.</p>
<p>She smirked as she tucked a chunk behind her ear. "Yes, well, it <em>is</em> finally the weekend."</p>
<p>Among the <em>thump thump</em> of her piling her books on her desk and her concentration on organizing her things, she hadn't noticed that he had gotten up, as silent and quick as a cat, until his hands were suddenly on her waist, his mouth over her ear.</p>
<p>"<em>This</em> is what you do to me, Evans." His voice was gravelly, deep, and he pressed his hips against her backside, letting her know exactly how hard and ready he already was.</p>
<p>Lily turned around, looking up at him, her hands going to his collar. "You do the same thing to me, you prat. I can't <em>believe</em> you teased me like that this morning."</p>
<p>James chuckled, his hands sliding around her back, drawing her closer. "Can't have my Head Girl forgetting about me when I'm not around."</p>
<p>"As if I ever <em>could</em> with last night burned in my brain," she muttered.</p>
<p>He ducked around her mouth, nuzzling her nose. "Liked that, Evans?"</p>
<p>She tried to close the gap and kiss him, but he pulled away playfully.</p>
<p>"You bastard," she breathed. "Of <em>course</em> I liked it, do you know how much torture I've been in today?"</p>
<p>He ghosted his lips along her cheek, toward her ear. "I can guess."</p>
<p>"<em>Potter</em>."</p>
<p>He just hummed and nuzzled around her ear. Lily gripped his collar tighter, pulling his face back to hers as she grumbled, "I swear to Merlin, if you don't <em>fucking</em> kiss me—"</p>
<p>But then he did, and Lily almost wished she had taken a moment to prepare herself better, because the assault of his lips just then was almost more than she could handle. All the tension building between them since the night before, through their notes that day, overflowed into that kiss, his lips crushing, his tongue demanding, his hands strong where they held her tightly against him. Lily slid her fingers through his hair, melting against his body, and she hardly noticed when he pulled her so tightly against him that her toes lifted off the floor.</p>
<p>James was tugging up her jumper, working his hips against hers, and Lily laughed breathlessly as she broke away from his mouth in an attempt to breathe. He went straight to her neck, seemingly undeterred in his lusty exploration of her person, and Lily barely managed to push out words between sighs.</p>
<p>"To what—do I owe—this mauling?"</p>
<p>He smiled against her throat, his voice hoarse as he paused his attentions to her pulse to say, "Haven't shagged you—since Saturday—"</p>
<p>"I think I've taken pretty good care of my Head Boy since then," Lily teased.</p>
<p>James kissed his way back toward her face. "Yes—fuck yes—but I need—<em>inside</em> you, Evans."</p>
<p>Lily dodged his lips when they sought hers, catching his heated gaze and saying, "Isn't there some rule about not shagging on the eve of your first date? Sort of like how the bloke's not supposed to see the bride before she walks down the aisle?"</p>
<p>She saw his throat bob, his eyes frantically dart between hers, like he was torn between uproar over her suggestion they couldn't shag but also bewilderment at her reference to a bride. She just arched her brows, waiting patiently.</p>
<p>Finally, he said, "If there is, we're fucking breaking it. There's <em>no way</em> I can do a mission tonight, no way I can even fucking <em>think</em> unless—"</p>
<p>Lily threw her head back in laughter, ruffling his hair. "So <em>dramatic</em>."</p>
<p>His eyes flashed. "I need to <em>ruin</em> you, Evans. You can't send me messages like <em>that</em> and not expect me to get worked up like this."</p>
<p>She pulled his face close to hers and nuzzled his nose as she murmured, "Maybe I just like seeing you worked up for me."</p>
<p>Something like a growl sounded from low in his throat as she kissed him, deliberately slow and lingering. Impatience radiated from him in waves, and though she had started off equally as impatient and desperate as he was, now she wanted to drag out her time with him as long as possible.</p>
<p>He had turned her body slightly so the back of her legs pressed against her desk, and Lily let him push up her jumper, pulling it over her head in a clean sweep. She had put on a black bra that day, something she didn't get to wear very often, what with spending so much time in white uniform shirts, and she watched James's eyes roam over her chest, his fingertips light on her waist.</p>
<p>"Lily." He pulled his eyes back up to hers, shaking his head slowly, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "You're so fucking beautiful."</p>
<p>Her cheeks felt warm, and she knew a flush was rising all around her neck and chest. "It's intimidating, you know."</p>
<p>He looked genuinely puzzled. "What?"</p>
<p>"When you look at me like that. Yes, <em>that</em>. And say things like that."</p>
<p>James smiled, dotting kisses on her mouth as he chided, "What, that you're perfect?"</p>
<p>"Yes—"</p>
<p>"And gorgeous?"</p>
<p>"Yes—"</p>
<p>"And my dream girl?"</p>
<p>"<em>Yes</em>—"</p>
<p>"And my girlfriend?"</p>
<p>"Ye—no."</p>
<p>James arched a brow, still smiling.</p>
<p>Lily bit her lip. "Not yet."</p>
<p>He smiled wider. "Not <em>yet</em>, eh?"</p>
<p>Though her heart was thudding somewhere in her throat, she fixed him with the most serious stare she could muster in the face of that crinkle-eyed grin. "What happened until waiting until I'm ready, hmm?"</p>
<p>He chuckled sheepishly. "Just checking."</p>
<p>Lily reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt, muttering, "Impatient prat."</p>
<p>James just chuckled some more, threading his hands into her hair and tilting her head up to kiss her, something sweet. He helped her shed his shirt, letting it fall to the ground as she ran her hands over his shoulders, down his arms, tracing the solid curves of muscle, marveling at the softness of his skin. His own hands slid around her waist, roamed across her back, unhooked her bra with one smooth movement she barely felt. Her bra joined his shirt, his hands cupped her breasts, his kisses became deep and heady, and within a matter of moments he had her leaning back over her desk with one of her breasts in his mouth while her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands threaded deep in his hair.</p>
<p>She'd been hooking up with James for long enough to realize that his touch wasn't getting old. Quite the opposite—it managed to light her up even <em>more</em>, his fingers like matches setting her skin on fire and his tongue swirling slow circles that set her spine tingling. Lily arched into him, pulling his hair, making soft whimpering noises as she moaned, "James—<em>babe</em>—touch me—<em>please</em>."</p>
<p>He didn't stop his attentions to her breasts, and actually switched to take the other in his mouth, but he did slip his free hand under her skirt, immediately pushing her knickers aside and stroking her outline before he groaned softly and slipped two fingers inside. Lily gasped at the contact, arching against him as he curled his fingers and circled his thumb. Oh, she'd <em>missed</em> this. How long had it been since he'd touched her like this? Fingers scissoring, stroking, swirling all at once? Merlin, she was pathetic. Quite addicted. Much besotted. And overwhelmingly aroused, to the point where—</p>
<p>"<em>Fuck</em>—James, <em>there</em>—oh gods—I—I'm—"</p>
<p>He brought his face to hover in front of hers, dotting small kisses on the corner of her mouth as he smiled. "Damn, Evans. You <em>were</em> worked up—"</p>
<p>Her eyes were squinting shut, that pressure that had been slowly building all day suddenly rushing to the surface like a tidal wave with the pressure of his fingers like that.</p>
<p>"Faster—<em>James</em>—oh, that's—so good—don't stop—<em>right there</em>—"</p>
<p>James held onto her tightly, his free hand pressing solidly into her back, as he gave her what she wanted—what she <em>needed</em>—and murmured, "Yes, Lil, come for me," and she was pulling his hair, her elbows digging desperately into his shoulders, everything in her body tensing, about to break, toppling over—</p>
<p>"<em>PRONGS</em>."</p>
<p>James swore under his breath, tightening his hold on her, not stopping his fingers, and said softly, "<em>Come</em>, Lily, ignore—"</p>
<p>And it felt like karmic retribution, or some bizarre turning of the tables, and in that split second she thought she knew exactly how James had felt outside The Three Broomsticks because at the same time that she started spasming around James's fingers and he was murmuring, "<em>Fuck</em> yes, baby, <em>come</em>," Sirius's voice continued to boom through the mirror that was obviously stuffed in James's bag.</p>
<p>"<em>PRONGS. MCGONAGALL IS ON HER WAY. HEAD STUFF—" </em></p>
<p>"Shit," James muttered. Lily concurred with that sentiment, though she was still very much mid-climax, and she knew James could tell by how he kept stroking her.</p>
<p>"—<em>TRIED TO HOLD HER OFF, BUT SHE SAID SHE'D JUST CHECK YOUR OFFICE. I CAN GUESS WHAT YOU'RE DOING FROM THE FUCKING MAP</em>—"</p>
<p>Some strange combination of a moan of pleasure and a groan of annoyance left her throat, and James chuckled as he nuzzled her cheek, still stroking her gently, and said softly, "I got you, Lil."</p>
<p>"—<em>SO I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING BECAUSE I RECKON YOU HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE TO GET DECENT</em>—"</p>
<p>Lily took a shuddering breath as her orgasm subsided, and James kissed her cheek as he withdrew his fingers and immediately bent to the floor, handing her bra and jumper, which she fumbled to put back on while James shrugged on his shirt, hastily doing his own buttons.</p>
<p>She had just pulled her hair from where it was caught in her jumper when there was the sound of the door opening and Lily whipped her head around.</p>
<p>"Potter? Miss Evans? I do apologize for the intrus—"</p>
<p>McGonagall stopped mid-sentence, rounding the corner of the small hallway and seeing them by Lily's desk. Lily held her breath, knowing exactly how it must look with her leaning against her own desk and James standing in front of her and her cheeks still flushed and her hair likely a mess and James's hair definitely a mess. She slowly rotated on the spot, so that she faced McGonagall, James's presence looming behind her, and her voice only sounded slightly choked as she said, "Professor. Hi. I didn't know you could…"</p>
<p>McGonagall's brows climbed high on her forehead. "Yes," she answered Lily's unfinished question. "The Headmaster and I are the only ones besides you two who have access to this room. Only the Headmaster has the ability to set its password."</p>
<p>Lily nodded, taking in this new piece of information. She saw McGonagall's eyes flit from hers to James, over her shoulder, and though Lily didn't dare turn around to look at him, she heard the smile in his voice, could picture him running a hand through his hair, as he said cheekily, "We <em>are</em> in private, Professor."</p>
<p>McGonagall very nearly cracked into a smile, but she pursed her lips together just in time.</p>
<p>"Well, next time I have to summon you to an emergency, I'll knock, shall I?"</p>
<p>Lily couldn't tell if she was being scolded or not, so she just nodded lamely. But then, to her immense surprise, McGonagall <em>did</em> smile, if only briefly, before saying, "Potter, your buttons are off. Kindly put yourself back together, and <em>quickly</em>. I'll wait outside. We're needed in the Headmaster's Office, there's been a rather nasty attack on a Muggle-born student."</p>
<p>With that, she turned and swept back down the small hallway and out the door, and as soon as she was gone Lily heard James swear softly as she let out her own held breath and muttered words she'd never thought she'd ever say: "Thank <em>fuck</em> for Sirius."</p>
<p>James laughed weakly as he undid his mussed buttons, and Lily turned to help him.</p>
<p>"Should I tell him you said that?"</p>
<p>"Definitely not."</p>
<p>James kissed her gently on the forehead as they finished his buttons, and then he set to tucking in his shirt, an act that Lily still found absurdly sexy for inexplicable reasons.</p>
<p>They didn't say anything, the mood strange. Part of her wanted to apologize teasingly that he hadn't gotten his turn, the interruption by McGonagall faintly comedic, but knowing they were being summoned in connection with an attack on a student that had in all likelihood happened while they had been fooling around cast a rather dark shadow over it all.</p>
<p>Maybe James was having the same thoughts, because he offered her his hand and broke the silence with a quiet, "Duty calls, Head Girl."</p>
<p>Lily smiled weakly and let him hold her hand until they reached the door, when they let go and joined a waiting McGonagall in setting off for Dumbledore's office.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>"Alright, alright!" James shouted over the din of the seventh-year Gryffindors, who were assembled in the boys' dorm and had erupted into exclamations of disgust and fury as he'd recounted what her and James had just been told by Dumbledore and McGonagall, being that a fourth-year Hufflepuff girl had been caught trying to strangle Lorraine Abbott in the Hufflepuff common room, and that it turned out she'd been Imperiused. Though no perpetrators had been caught, Dumbledore suspected the Imperius Curse had been cast by one of the Slytherins, as the fourth-year was a Muggle-born and the Abbotts were what the Death Eaters would consider blood traitors.</p>
<p>"It was Mulciber," Mary said strongly. "It had to have been."</p>
<p>Lily nodded where she sat next to Mary on James's bed. "That's what I thought, too."</p>
<p>"Did you tell Dumbledore that?"</p>
<p>James took over, saying, "Yeah, Mac, we told him about fifth year. Kind of had to, once we accused him."</p>
<p>Mary shrugged. "Doesn't matter, it's not like they're going to catch him now."</p>
<p>They were quiet a moment, and Lily knew they were all probably remembering fifth year, when Mary had been the victim of an Imperius Curse in the courtyard and had started trying to take off all her clothes, even though it was March. She'd gotten down to her bra and tights before Dahlia, the only friend with her at the time who was frantically trying to hold up her cloak and talk sense into her, finally sent a large potted tree flying at the clump of laughing Slytherin boys out of pure annoyance, which sent them scattering and Mary stumbling back to her senses. She'd told the girls in their dorm that night that she'd heard Mulciber's voice inside her head telling her she was burning up and needed to get her clothes off, but she'd refused the girls' pleas to tell McGonagall about it at the time, and they hadn't discussed it since.</p>
<p>Now, seeing the look being exchanged between Mary and James, Lily realized they must have talked about it, that Mary must have gone to him, because James looked like he knew just as much, if not more, than the girls did. A strange comprehension dawned in her just then. She'd always known James and Mary grew up together, of course; the whole school seemed to know that the Potters and Macdonalds were close-knit and that James and Mary were basically twins. But outside of their playing Quidditch together, Lily had never thought much about the actual workings of their friendship. Did they talk about relationships? Did they talk about <em>her</em>? What all had Mary confided in James? And, more intriguingly, what had James confided in Mary?</p>
<p>Lily suddenly wanted to know it all, wanted to be the person he talked to, wanted that closeness that came from knowing someone almost better than she knew herself. And with a jolt, she realized she was already on that path more than she'd thought, if that meeting they'd just been in was anything to go by. She'd somehow managed to flip into full Head Girl mode by the time they'd walked into Dumbledore's office, and she'd seen James make the same switch into full Head Boy, and as they'd listened to Dumbledore, related what they knew about Mulciber, had a conversation with their teachers as if they were peers and not students, Lily had realized that not only did she admire James more than ever for his ability to be graceful while he just <em>handled things</em>, but that she'd found herself able to read him better than ever before.</p>
<p>She saw the way he clenched his jaw, like he was holding back saying something he <em>really</em> thought. She noticed the faint flush that still lingered around his neck, likely the product of being jarred out of their intimate moment yet still being in her presence and, she'd bet, still lingeringly aroused, though his charmed trousers hid it. She didn't miss the way his hands seemed fidgety, something unlike James to be, and she had known, without knowing how she'd known, that it was because he wanted to hold her hand but was forcing himself not to, and so she'd shifted her position and crossed her arms over her chest, removing the temptation from her lap, and James had stilled after that.</p>
<p>And now, she saw how he stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the ledge of the windowsill, his face a picture of brotherly concern as he looked at Mary.</p>
<p>"But they <em>can</em>, Mac. They <em>could</em> have then too. <em>You're</em> witness, you <em>heard</em> <em>him in your head</em>. Guaranteed that fourth-year did too, that's how the Imperius Curse works."</p>
<p>Mary looked back at James defiantly. "And she'll keep quiet the same reason I did: because snitching on them <em>isn't worth it</em>. So what, they get detention? Who cares? They'd've retaliated against me <em>so damn hard</em> if I'd gotten Mulciber in trouble. I'm lucky they didn't do anything just from the story getting out a little bit. I mean, come on, Lily knocked them down in a corridor in the middle of the night when no one else saw, and look what they did to <em>her</em>."</p>
<p>James met Lily's eye, shifting that concerned look over to her, and as memories of that night flashed through her mind, she had to squash her sudden urge to go to him, hug him.</p>
<p>Peter's voice broke Lily out of her thoughts, and she turned to look at him, standing by Remus with his blonde hair falling in his eyes. "Mac, why'd Mulciber go after you, anyway? You're pureblood. Like, as pureblood as pureblood can be."</p>
<p>Several pairs of eyes swiveled to Mary at once. Lily knew the truth, and she thought James did too by how he looked at her just then, but Sirius's eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>"Pete's right, it doesn't make sense. How many other people were in that courtyard that day, and he just singled out you? Your bloodline's as fucking perfect as mine."</p>
<p>Mary looked around their friends a moment, like she was stalling for dramatic effect, and then she said, "He asked me out."</p>
<p>"He asked you out," Sirius repeated plainly.</p>
<p>Mary nodded, and James's lips quirked; he already knew the rest of the story, then, which might be more than Lily knew.</p>
<p>"And I told him no."</p>
<p>Well, Lily knew <em>that</em>. Sirius arched a brow, speaking for everyone when he repeated, "Just told him no, huh?"</p>
<p>Mary shrugged. "Okay, well I may have told him that even if he <em>wasn't</em> a mindless cretin following a psychopathic prejudicial maniac, I <em>still</em> would never go out with him because I'd heard his knob was small and I wanted size where it mattered."</p>
<p>Lily's mouth fell open, and snorting laughter erupted in the room. James's shoulders were shaking, his hands pinching his nose under his glasses, and Sirius was staring at Mary like she had just literally breathed fire.</p>
<p>"You amazing fucking woman," he said incredulously, and a rare blush spread up Mary's neck.</p>
<p>"Yes, well." Lily didn't miss how Mary quirked her brow at Sirius when she added, "It's true."</p>
<p>Sirius just grinned.</p>
<p>Remus cleared his throat, and Lily could tell he had also not missed that little exchange between their friends by the look he was exchanging with James, but then he was rerouting them back to the matter at hand.</p>
<p>"<em>So</em> we asked you girls up here because we were sort of already planning on sneaking into the Slytherin common room tonight, but as the stakes seem rather higher now, we decided we need reinforcements."</p>
<p>Lily's eyes snapped over to Remus. "You <em>were</em>?"</p>
<p>He nodded solemnly, then looked pointedly at Marlene, who was sitting on his bed with Dahlia. "Marly?"</p>
<p>Marlene sighed, accepted a reassuring knee squeeze from Dahlia, and then said, "I sort of overheard Adelaide and Drucilla on their way out of the Great Hall this morning. They were talking about <em>progress</em>, I don't know what about"—Lily's stomach lurched; she had a guess or two—"and Drucilla said off-hand that she'd have some <em>ideas</em> after talking to some people in her House tonight. I mean, I'm assuming it's just about a boy, we all know how boy-crazy Ladie is…"</p>
<p>Marlene looked genuinely puzzled at why this was relevant information, but Lily looked over at James, her blood seeming to curdle in her veins as she recalled the conversations she'd overheard in the store cupboard and then the bathroom. This was the mission James had brought up. This is what he'd been thinking about, working out, that afternoon. Either Adelaide really was innocently talking about her pursuit of James, or she was somehow connected to the Slytherin's scheme involving Lily—or both. Did Adelaide even <em>know</em>?</p>
<p>It was Mary who spoke up next. "What do you need us to do?"</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Her second time being Disillusioned felt even stranger than the first time had, though she suspected that was because she wasn't tipsy on wine and fuming at James. This time, she fully appreciated how bizarre it was to move through corridors and feel James's hand solid in hers while being unable to <em>see</em> him.</p>
<p>They moved quietly, tailing a couple of fifth-year Slytherins, careful to match their footsteps and not breathe too hard so they could slip through the common room entrance right behind them. Lily's heart was pounding out of her chest. She had never done anything remotely like this, and it was already positively <em>thrilling</em>. Never mind that she was sure she felt that way largely because she was with James, and something about him, about knowing he'd been in the Slytherin common room before (she hadn't asked for details), about feeling his hand securely in hers, made her feel safe even as the common room entrance slid closed behind her, shutting them in darkness.</p>
<p>It took her eyes a second to adjust, and then she followed the tug of James's hand as he led her down a stone staircase illuminated by green-flamed sconces in the wall. As they reached the bottom of the staircase and the main part of the room came into view, Lily had to slap her other hand over her mouth to stifle her gasp. They were more than underground—they were under the <em>lake</em>. Where she assumed a stone wall would have been, there was instead a magnificent wall of glass, showing the murky water of the lake beyond like they were in an aquarium, only Lily felt bizarrely like <em>they</em> were the ones being contained behind the glass.</p>
<p>James squeezed her hand, like a silent <em>I know</em>, and she followed his pull around the perimeter of the room. There was Slytherin paraphernalia adorning the walls, a massive green fire in a grate, and in an armchair by the fire, Dolohov, sitting with legs crossed, looking like he was holding court from how other Slytherins gathered around him. Lily looked around the common room again, realizing the fifth years they'd followed inside were nowhere to be seen; the only Slytherins in the common room were those around Dolohov, like he'd commandeered it for whatever sort of meeting they were having. And from the way his elbow propped on the armrest and his fingers framed his face, Lily thought he looked rather unamused.</p>
<p>Mulciber was lounging on a sofa, hands laced behind his head. "Dunno why you're so pissy, mate. Just a spot of fun."</p>
<p>Dolohov's dark eyes flashed, and he brought a green apple to his mouth, taking a bite with a rather loud crunch, before letting his arm dangle back over the armrest, the bitten apple turning in his fingers.</p>
<p>Mulciber awkwardly tried to fill the silence. "Come on, she's not going to tell, we all know that. And so what if she does? What's ole Dumby gonna do, expel me? Not likely."</p>
<p>Drucilla spoke up from where she stood in front of the fire, arms crossed and hip popped in the same pose Adelaide always did. "Well, they can certainly <em>try</em>, Mulce."</p>
<p>Regulus's pinched voice sounded from another armchair. "They wouldn't. Expulsion requires a unanimous vote of the Board of Governors. We have enough seats that that wouldn't happen."</p>
<p>She could feel James tense next to her.</p>
<p><em>Crunch</em>. Dolohov chewed slowly, still with his dark gaze fixed on Mulciber.</p>
<p>"Well," chimed Avery, "at least you still know you can do it, Mulce. Dead useful if we need to use it on the Mudblood."</p>
<p>Her insides turned to ice; somehow she just <em>knew</em> that was in reference to her.</p>
<p>Drucilla sighed, checking her watch impatiently. "Where the fuck is he?"</p>
<p><em>Crunch</em>. The sound of Dolohov chewing seemed to echo in the stone room, the only other sound the crackle of the fire. No one tried to fill the silence that time.</p>
<p>A minute passed like that, and then Dolohov's low, smooth voice broke through the air.</p>
<p>"You might've ruined everything, Mulce."</p>
<p>All the Slytherins swiveled to look at Dolohov. His expression was passive, but Lily didn't miss the glint in his eye.</p>
<p>"We're closer than we've ever been. We have a <em>plan</em>, you fucking <em>idiot</em>. And now we're going to be <em>watched</em>, because there's <em>no way </em>Dumbledore's not going to know it was you, not after you did Macdonald fifth year."</p>
<p>Mulciber started to protest, saying, "That was <em>fifth year</em>, Dumby doesn't even <em>know</em>—"</p>
<p>"Will you <em>shut</em> the <em>fuck</em> <em>up</em>?" Dolohov's patience finally seemed to be cracking. "Do I really have to spell everything out for you fucking <em>imbeciles</em>? Merlin and Morgana."</p>
<p>Drucilla spoke like she was trying to placate him, saying, "<em>Some</em> of us get it, Ani—"</p>
<p>Dolohov waved his hand in her direction, not even looking at her. "Stop talking."</p>
<p>She fell abruptly silent, rolling her eyes as she leaned against the brick of the mantel with a pout.</p>
<p>Regulus interjected, "If Dumbledore knew about Macdonald, Mulce would've been called in already."</p>
<p>Dolohov shook his head. "Not necessarily. Dumbledore knows how to play the game. You forget he has Potter as his eyes and ears now. There's no way <em>he</em> doesn't know about Macdonald."</p>
<p>It was strange to hear it put like that—Dumbledore's <em>eyes and ears</em>—but Lily supposed that was entirely true. Hadn't Dumbledore effectively said as much when he'd first told them about the Order? When he'd asked them to keep their eyes on seventh years who may be worthy of recruiting?</p>
<p>Suddenly, Severus was sweeping down the staircase, greasy hair flapping around his face.</p>
<p>"About fucking time," Mulciber called.</p>
<p>Severus threw him a dirty look, but didn't say anything, just swept around the circle and stopped a few paces in front of where James and Lily stood. He was close enough to touch if Lily had reached out her hand.</p>
<p>Dolohov settled back in his armchair, gaze fixed on Snape. "Well?"</p>
<p>Severus's mouth twitched. "She's in that fifth floor room. I've taken over all the shifts since we last discussed it, and nothing's changed. We know all we're going to know."</p>
<p>Lily's stomach turned over. Was Severus really…<em>lying</em> for her?</p>
<p>Dolohov nodded. "Good. So we're moving ahead?"</p>
<p>Severus nodded jerkily.</p>
<p>"Good," Dolohov repeated.</p>
<p>Regulus drawled, "Care to share?"</p>
<p>"No," Dolohov said plainly. "You'll know what you need to know. Because clearly"—he swiveled his gaze to Mulciber—"<em>some</em> of you can't be trusted not to fuck it all up."</p>
<p>Severus seemed to be taking in the look being exchanged between Dolohov and Mulciber, because then he said, like he was trying to shove it in Mulciber's face, "We're good on that other thing we discussed too."</p>
<p>Dolohov turned his attention back to Severus. "You're sure, Sev?"</p>
<p>"Positive."</p>
<p>Dolohov stood up then. "Right. Then I think we're done here."</p>
<p>Regulus looked annoyed. "We've been waiting for how long, and <em>that's</em> all we get?"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, would you like me to give homework?" Dolohov pointed his fingers still holding the half-eaten apple toward Mulciber, then Avery, then Regulus, then Drucilla.</p>
<p>"No attempted murder. No attempted murder. No attempted murder. No—well, not that you'd attempt murder, but you know." He turned back to the group of them. "Got it? No—attempted—<em>fucking</em>—murder—"</p>
<p>Mulciber rolled his eyes. "Well, isn't that we're <em>planning</em>—"</p>
<p>Lily gasped, just a small intake of breath, but Severus heard it; she saw the way his head tilted toward his shoulder, perked like he was listening. Fuck fuck fuck.</p>
<p>Dolohov chucked his apple into the grate, causing a miniature explosion as green sparks flew out over the room, and he really lost his temper then. "YES. ONE THAT <em>WON'T</em> GET TRACED BACK TO US, SINCE WE'RE STILL IN FUCKING <em>SCHOOL</em>. SO IN THE <em>MEANTIME</em>, DO NOT <em>FUCKING</em> MURDER OR <em>ATTEMPT</em> TO MURDER <em>ANYONE</em> <em>ELSE</em>."</p>
<p>Lily wanted to scream; James's hand gripped hers so tight she thought her bones might break.</p>
<p>Mulciber scowled. "Don't get your knickers in a fucking twist, what does it even <em>matter</em>—"</p>
<p>"IT MATTERS," Dolohov roared, "BECAUSE IT'S WHAT THE DARK LORD FUCKING <em>WANTS</em>." His eyes looked crazed as he stared down Mulciber, breathing hard, but when he next spoke, his voice was back to normal. "So either do as you're fucking <em>told</em>, and find a way to not <em>royally</em> fuck us all over, or answer to the Dark Lord next time instead of me."</p>
<p>Mulciber stared at Dolohov darkly for a moment, but then seemed to cede to his authority, muttering, "Fine. At least tell us if we're still doing the Fo—"</p>
<p>"STOP!" Severus had thrown out an arm toward Mulciber and looked more fully over his shoulder, his eyes searching right through James and Lily stood. Suddenly, he reached out his other arm and swiped through the air. James, his reflexes always faster, had yanked Lily back out the way, but that meant the soft pad of their footsteps against the carpet seemed to pierce the air.</p>
<p>Dolohov was frowning. "Sev, what—"</p>
<p>Severus swiped through the air again, advancing toward James and Lily, and Lily stepped quickly back out of the way, following the tug of James's hand. Severus's face twisted into a snarl.</p>
<p>"I heard footsteps. And breathing. Someone's here."</p>
<p>Mulciber and Regulus immediately got to their feet.</p>
<p>"What d'you mean, <em>here</em>?"</p>
<p>"How would they get <em>in</em>?"</p>
<p>"SHUT UP."</p>
<p>James was edging closer to the staircase leading to the exit, and Lily winced as the carpet ran out and the sound of their footsteps could be heard against the stone. Snape lunged, and he must have brushed James because suddenly his eyes seemed to pop out of his head and an evil grin like Lily had never seen spread across his face.</p>
<p>"It's Potter!" He looked maniacal. "I <em>felt</em> him, I just <em>know</em> it, Potter is fucking <em>here</em>—"</p>
<p>He lunged again, but James pulled violently on Lily's hand, and suddenly her brain seemed to turn back on as new adrenaline rushed through her veins and she understood: it was time to run. She turned and fled up the steps as fast as she could, James still holding tight to her hand but a step in front of her, and she grimaced when the entrance to the common room seemed to open of its own accord, with no one in sight going in and out, and the Slytherins below suddenly all roared and stormed toward the staircase.</p>
<p>Free of the common room, James panted, "Elf passage—come on."</p>
<p>Lily huffed her understanding and sprinted alongside him through the dungeon corridors, taking corners at speed, soon hearing the thundering footsteps of their pursuers. She had no idea how James knew where he was going, because she was completely lost, adrenaline taking over her whole body to the point where she could barely process anything besides <em>run</em>.</p>
<p>But suddenly, just as her lungs were starting to burn, they turned into the corridor where the portrait to a dungeon entrance to the elf passages was—but it wasn't opening. Why wasn't it opening? That was the whole point of <em>having</em> fucking lookouts, in case something like this happened, so they could open the portrait and let her and James inside—</p>
<p>James gasped, "Wemby! It's me! Quick, help!"</p>
<p>Slytherins were rounding the corner behind them, and Lily barely had time to notice the floppy ears and large indigo eyes before the portrait swung forward, and James pulled her inside, slamming it shut behind them, just in time to hear the thud of Slytherins throwing themselves at the portrait outside, yelling spells and demanding entrance.</p>
<p>Lily turned around, breathing hard, and about fell backwards.</p>
<p>Because there, right in front of her, frozen as they stared toward the portrait, not able to see James and Lily, were Sirius and Mary, in the middle of having sex.</p>
<p>"Are you fucking <em>kidding</em> me?"</p>
<p>Lily wasn't sure she'd ever heard James more angry. He was materializing, having removed the Disillusionment Charm from himself, and then he tapped his wand against Lily's head before turning back to their friends. Lily looked down at her hands, saw them shimmering into view, and then looked back up at Sirius and Mary, taking in the sight of Sirius pinning Mary to the wall more fully now that her senses were catching up to her body.</p>
<p>"What the <em>fuck</em>, Pads?"</p>
<p>Sirius sighed, looking at a loss for what to say. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell—"</p>
<p>"I already <em>know</em>, I don't <em>give</em> a fuck—"</p>
<p>Mary's eyes widened. "You do?"</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes, unable to stop herself from giggling. "You're not exactly not obvious. And we did see you come back together the night of the pool party."</p>
<p>Sirius tried again. "We just—"</p>
<p>Lily cut across him. "Got distracted fucking?"</p>
<p>Sirius glared at her a moment, and Lily was sure he remembered taunting her with that phrase, but then his face softened and he looked away from them, muttering, "Yeah, guess so."</p>
<p>James turned toward the staircase of the elf passage and snapped, "We'll let you finish, then."</p>
<p>With a last look over her shoulder at Mary, whose face looked troubled, Lily followed James. She gave him a floor in silence, then asked, "The Slytherins really won't be able to get in?"</p>
<p>He sighed and shook his head. "No, house-elf magic. You can only get in if Wemby lets you in, or if someone Wemby's already let in lets you in. Hence why we fucking stationed them there, so they could watch the fucking map and help us if we needed it."</p>
<p>"I heard that."</p>
<p>Lily turned. Sirius's voice preceded him, but he soon came into view on the spiral staircase, Mary next to him. She guessed they hadn't finished then, if they were already put back together and caught up.</p>
<p>Sirius stepped right up to James. "And I'm sorry, Prongs. Truly. We shouldn't've…we should have been watching the map. <em>But</em>"—he arched a brow—"don't pretend like the roles haven't been reversed here, yeah?"</p>
<p>Mary looked at Lily in surprise, and she just smiled sheepishly back. She could tell Mary about it later.</p>
<p>James slung his arm around Sirius's shoulders with a sigh. "Yeah, alright. No harm done, we got out."</p>
<p>"What'd you hear?"</p>
<p>The four of them fell in step with each other, and James recounted what they'd seen and heard. Lily felt sick listening to it all again, remembering the ease with which they'd all tossed around that word—<em>murder</em>—and the way Dolohov hadn't seemed to be angry about what Mulciber <em>did</em> to that Hufflepuff so much as he cared about the <em>timing</em>. Lily had thought it was strange that she hadn't heard about any other Muggle attacks that semester, at least nothing big enough to warrant a conversation with McGonagall or Dumbledore. With a shiver, she thought she realized why: whatever they were planning for her, they wanted it to be big. They wanted it to be the <em>first</em>.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Saturday dawned bright and sunny, with a chill to the air that had lingered since morning, when James had first looked out his window to see the haze of steam rising from the ground, and now he slung his backpack over his shoulder as he departed the kitchens, a spring in step. Perfect conditions, indeed.</p>
<p>Because today was the day. The day he'd wanted since some point in fourth year when Lily's ponytail had swished too close to his face and he'd caught its honey scent and been done for. (Actually, he couldn't remember when exactly he first started liking Lily—it just felt like something he had always done—but that memory of smelling her hair for the first time had lodged itself in his brain, so he liked to think that that could have been The Moment.)</p>
<p>But regardless, it had been years. And today was the day. The day that would go down in the history of his life as the day he, James Potter, took Lily Evans to Hogsmeade. On a date.</p>
<p>Despite going on little sleep, having stayed up exceedingly late talking with his fellow Marauders about what he and Lily had heard in the Slytherin common room, James felt oddly alert, no doubt because of the momentous occasion of the day. But he was also anxious to see Lily; she'd seemed down, for obvious reasons, and once they'd reached the common room the night before, she'd only lingered to fix a time and place to meet James for their date before retreating up the girls' staircase with Mary.</p>
<p>Mary. Who was shagging Sirius. James was far from surprised, having suspected for awhile, but seeing it with his own eyes had certainly hit him differently than he'd expected. In all the discussion of the Slytherins the night before, he hadn't even had time to talk to Sirius about it, let alone think about whether he had any thoughts on the matter. He supposed he truly didn't care, once he got past the initial incest-like strangeness of it all. While they both felt like siblings to <em>him</em>, that obviously didn't mean they had to feel like siblings to <em>each other</em>. Still, it was slightly strange.</p>
<p>James rounded the corner toward the Entrance Hall and did a double-take as he saw Lily waiting for him where they'd agreed, any rumination of Sirius and Mary pushed immediately from his brain. She wore dark jeans tucked into boots and a chunky ivory knit that somehow made her hair even more starkly blood-red where it cascaded in long, tousled curls. She was beautiful, she always was, but a new word rose to his mind: she was <em>elegant</em>. Out of her school uniform, in something more put together than her usual sweatshirt Sunday routine, she looked <em>chic</em>, like something out of those magazines Marlene and Dahlia were always flipping through.</p>
<p>It was like she sensed him looking, because just then she turned her head and caught his eye, her face immediately splitting into a smile. His heart skipped as he saw her eyes pass over him. He had gone true James Potter casual that day, also wearing black jeans, but with a quilted jacket over an open flannel shirt over a favorite white Montrose Magpies t-shirt. Part of the reason it was a favorite shirt was because it was soft, but the more honest reason was that he'd been told it draped quite nicely over his chest. October weather didn't leave much in the way of opportunity to show of arm muscles, but he still packed a strong pectoral game, and there was no way he was taking Lily Evans to Hogsmeade without figuring out a way to show off <em>something</em>.</p>
<p>She arched her brow at him. "Packed for a picnic, Potter?"</p>
<p>He winked at her. "You never know when you might need provisions, Evans."</p>
<p>"Of course," she teased. "Like in Hogsmeade, when we're surrounded by shops."</p>
<p>James just ruffled her hair lightly and said, "Shall we?"</p>
<p>They set off down the lawn, making companionable conversation as they went. Aside from asking her if she was alright, which she assured him she was, they both avoided talk of the night before, which was just as well, because he didn't want anyone overhearing and he thought it had a high probability of spoiling the mood.</p>
<p>As they approached the village, Lily said, "Actually, since you have your backpack, d'you think we could make an errand while we're here?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, sure."</p>
<p>She smiled up at him. "Thanks. It's about our, um—<em>extracurricular project</em>?"</p>
<p>James's eyes widened. "Shit, I haven't thought about that since—"</p>
<p>"The greenhouse," she finished for him. "I thought so, but you had Quidditch, and there was the whole duel, and—"</p>
<p>He nudged her with his elbow. "You don't have to make excuses for me, Evans."</p>
<p>She shrugged. "I just didn't want you to feel bad. It's not like I'm that close to actually starting. I've nicked a few things from the dungeons, also ordered a few extras of things Slughorn usually stocks, but there's still a few trickier ingredients left."</p>
<p>"And you think they'll be here, in Hogsmeade?"</p>
<p>Lily nodded. "In Dogweed and Deathcap—it's a Herbology shop, Slughorn gets exotic plants and flowers there sometimes. Figured it could potentially have powdered Belladonna and fresh foxgloves."</p>
<p>He wasn't sure he'd ever noticed that shop before, but if it was for Remus and with Lily, he thought he'd go just about anywhere. "Lead the way, Evans."</p>
<p>They went to Dogweed and Deathcap first, and as soon as James crossed the threshold, he felt like he had been transported into some type of bizarre jungle, with leafy green plants and vibrant flowers infringing on his space from all sides. There were only a couple of other people in the shop, with no students to be had, and he was surprised (though he really shouldn't have been, if she'd known this was here) to find that Lily knew the shop owner, a wispy-looking sort of old man who looked like he'd spent part of his life on adventures somewhere by the equator, well enough to chit-chat about Slughorn, and classes, and the ingredients she was looking for.</p>
<p>When the shop owner heard it was James's first time inside, he gave James the full tour, pointing out some particularly exotic specimens he had and telling them both about the time he went searching for Ghost Orchids in Central America (James had certainly pegged him right). He also didn't ask a single question as to <em>why</em> Lily was after what she was, though James supposed that in running a shop for exotic plants and flowers, one had to assume its clientele was up to all sorts of things. It turned out that he had the powdered Belladonna, in a section of wall overflowing with powders, roots, herbs, and jars of dried petals. He didn't have any fresh foxgloves, but he thought he'd be able to get some, and when they left the shop nearly an hour later, Lily had a proud smile on her face.</p>
<p>"That's two more done, then, if Alfie can get the foxgloves, which I'm sure he can, I mean he did locate a Cackling Cactus for Slughorn once…"</p>
<p>"You know you're incredible, right?"</p>
<p>Lily laughed. "Because I've been Slughorn's errand girl at the local Herbologist's shop?"</p>
<p>"Well, I was going to say because of how you're doing this for Remus, but yes, also because you're friends with the local retired adventurer now running a shop of exotic goods."</p>
<p>Lily chuckled. "I'm not so sure he's retired. When he said he thought he'd be able to get some foxgloves, that meant <em>actually</em> going to get them."</p>
<p>James let out a slow whistle. "So, the local exotic plant shop owner moonlighting as an adventurer, then? Or the other way 'round?"</p>
<p>They made easy conversation as they strolled down the High Street, window-shopping while talking about stories Alfie'd told Lily on her other visits and going over ingredients they still needed for the Wolfsbane Potion. They ran into Sirius and Mary coming out of Spintwitches Sporting Needs, both of them carrying stuffed bags ("Went in for new gloves, came out with half the shop," Mary said airily, "just how it goes in there, yeah?"), and then spotted Remus, Peter, and Marlene heading into Tomes and Scrolls, where James knew Remus liked to browse the special editions on display and Marlene and Peter appeased him while looking for a new romance novel (Marlene) and teasing Marlene about reading romance novels (Peter).</p>
<p>James barely noticed they were passing by that gaudy, bow-covered fortress in which he'd never ventured—probably because he'd trained his mind so strongly not to look at it, never wanting to see Lily inside even when he knew she'd been there—so he didn't see what Lily saw right away when she stopped in her tracks and let out a small gasp.</p>
<p>He whipped his head around and took in her wide eyes and slightly open mouth tilting into a smile. "What?"</p>
<p>"What d'you mean, what?" she hissed. "<em>That</em>."</p>
<p>James followed the incline of her head, through the foggy window of Madame Puddifut's, and saw exactly <em>what</em>. Dahlia, blonde-bobbed head thrown back in laughter, sitting across from a grinning and gesticulating Edgar Bones.</p>
<p>"Wow," he muttered lamely.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Lily said back.</p>
<p>"Did you know—"</p>
<p>Lily shook her head. "Did you?"</p>
<p>"No," he said honestly. He thought back to Snare, when Dahlia'd told him quietly before they played that she would be thinking about someone else while James imagined she was Lily, and though she'd said she would tell him who later, later had never come, as then they'd dealt with Lily running off and James had completely forgotten to ask. Had she really been imagining James was…<em>Eddie</em>? That was a whole level of strange he didn't want to dwell on just then.</p>
<p>He thought Lily looked just about as surprised as he felt, and they turned to mosey on down the lane. James wasn't quite sure what to say. Did they talk about the fact that their exes were on a date with each other? Or was that something to be ignored?</p>
<p>But he didn't have to contemplate that long, because just then he spotted a strawberry-blonde up ahead of him on the High Street, and figuring it was as perfect a moment as any to take things up a notch, he slipped an arm over Lily's shoulders, pulling her into him by the crook of his elbow as he bent to murmur in her ear, "One more stop and then I think it's time for that <em>picnic</em>, yeah?"</p>
<p>She laughed as she teased, "Are you <em>serious</em>? Did I actually guess that right?"</p>
<p>He chuckled as he ruffled her hair lightly. "Nah, it's not what you think."</p>
<p>Just then, the pack of sixth year girls came into view, including Adelaide and Drucilla and a few of their friends whom James had never paid attention to.</p>
<p>Drucilla's eyes narrowed as she looked at the two of them, and James felt his nerves flutter slightly, pretty confident she was wondering about the night before. But then Drucilla just smiled, ignoring Lily completely and turning her signature simpering look on James as she said, "Fancy seeing you on a date, Potter."</p>
<p>As if right on cue, Lily threaded her fingers through his hand that dangled over her shoulder, and there was no stopping the grin that beamed out of his face just then. Thinking Lily might be just as much of a master at playing to an audience as he was, James looked back at Drucilla and said charmingly, "I expect us to be tomorrow's breakfast headline, Dru, don't let me down."</p>
<p>Drucilla genuinely chuckled, and a couple of the other girls tittered, but Adelaide just rolled her eyes, and without another backward glance at them, James and Lily continued on by.</p>
<p>"They're so <em>horrid</em>," Lily muttered.</p>
<p>James chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze where Lily hadn't let go. "The horrid-est."</p>
<p>Lily snorted. "That's not even a <em>word</em>, Potter."</p>
<p>"Well it is now, just for them."</p>
<p>He thought Lily seemed pleased with that answer, and, still holding her hand with her tucked under his arm, he steered them toward Honeydukes.</p>
<p>The sweets shop was, as usual, bursting with students, so he sadly had to release his heavenly hold on Lily to go inside, but he wasn't sure he'd had as much fun looking through sweets and trying samples since his very first visit with his friends in third year. Lily grabbed a handful of Sugar Quills, admitting with a sheepish smile that she kept a stash of them in her desk drawer, after which James felt compelled to tell her he kept his own stash of Chocolate Wands in his, and they loaded up on sweets after that, figuring that they might as well keep their office well-supplied with sugar for future late-night study sessions.</p>
<p>James insisted on paying, and though she made an initial protest, arguing they should split all the office loot, she didn't pose a counterargument when he playfully blocked her from the counter, telling her over his shoulder, "I'm trying to be a gentleman here, Evans."</p>
<p>Instead, he heard her quiet sass, "Didn't know that word was in your vocabulary, Potter."</p>
<p>He kept an eye on her over his shoulder, making sure she wasn't paying attention to the bag of Apple Rings he'd hidden in the assortment of other sweets, and sassed back, "Please. That was practically my first word—"</p>
<p>"Trying?"</p>
<p>"<em>Gentleman</em>."</p>
<p>She cocked a brow at him as she smirked. "Uh-huh."</p>
<p>He rested his backpack on the counter, hiding the Apple Rings from view as he stuffed the bag of the rest of the sweets inside.</p>
<p>"I simply chose to never exercise its full meaning until now."</p>
<p>"Because you're on a date?"</p>
<p>"Because I'm finally a <em>man</em>, Evans."</p>
<p>Lily burst into laughter, and she was still dabbing at streaming eyes and falling into renewed giggle fits as they pushed their way back onto the High Street.</p>
<p>"You're <em>seventeen</em>."</p>
<p>"Yeah, which is of age."</p>
<p>"Can you even grow a beard?"</p>
<p>James rubbed his jaw absently; he'd have some stubble by the end of the day, but not enough to grow into anything even. "Why is a <em>beard</em> synonymous with <em>manhood</em>?"</p>
<p>This just made Lily laugh harder, though she also looped her arm through his as she did so, knocking into him lightly as she teased, "I suppose you're still a man in my eyes."</p>
<p>He pulled the bag of Apple Rings from his outside pocket, ripped it open, and then held it up to her. "Cheers, Evans."</p>
<p>She looked up at him with bright eyes, surprise written over her face, and he could practically see her replaying the past several moments in her head, trying to find the point when he'd snuck them. But she plucked one from the bag and asked, "No bribe this time?"</p>
<p>He ate his own Apple Ring, puckering at getting an unexpectedly sour one.</p>
<p>"I'm always bribing you," he told her.</p>
<p>"Oh?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Fuck, how do you eat these things, they're so <em>sour</em>."</p>
<p>Lily giggled. "Can't grow a beard, can't handle sour sweets…"</p>
<p>"Hey, uncalled for. Not caring for my tastebuds getting burned off doesn't mean I'm not <em>manly</em>."</p>
<p>"What <em>do</em> you do that's manly, then, Potter?"</p>
<p>James cast her a pointed look. "Do you really need to ask that, Evans?"</p>
<p>Her eyes flashed up at him with that hunger he'd come to recognize as her wanting him, and his chest purred.</p>
<p>He led her past Dervish and Banges, out toward the edge of the village and along a path through wild countryside heading to the foot of the mountain.</p>
<p>"Where are we going?"</p>
<p>He shook the bag of Apple Rings. "Play along, Evans."</p>
<p>"Ah," she said playfully, sucking on another one. "So that's the bribe, eh?"</p>
<p>When they reached a stile at the end of the lane, James offered Lily his arm and smiled. She gave him a curious look but took his arm, and with a quick, "Don't splinch," he Apparated them into a dark, stone room. He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the semi-darkness, and then knelt to the ground as he shrugged off his backpack.</p>
<p>Lily asked haltingly, "So, you—you brought me to a <em>cave</em>…why?"</p>
<p>James chuckled, pulling a blanket from his bag. "Not impressed with my cave, Evans?"</p>
<p>He watched her as he stood up; she chewed her cheek, like she was trying not to laugh, though she also looked a little confused.</p>
<p>"It's not about the cave," he told her quietly, turning toward the entrance and laying the blanket down along the ledge. "It's about the view."</p>
<p>She walked over to stand next to him, looking out properly for the first time over the land beneath them. In one direction, forest, as far as the eyes could see. In another, the tops of Hogsmeade village was visible along the forest's edge, mountains distant behind it.</p>
<p>"Merlin, it's…breathtaking."</p>
<p>"Is it too cheesy to say, so are you?"</p>
<p>Lily turned to give him a wry look, though she was fighting a smile. "You're such a <em>melt</em>, Potter."</p>
<p>Chuckling, he went back to his bag to grab the bottles of mead he'd picked up from the kitchens, opened them with his wand, and then handed Lily one before lowering himself to sit on the blanket. Lily followed his lead, looking at him curiously over her shoulder.</p>
<p>"You ever watched a sunset, Evans?"</p>
<p>Understanding dawned on her face, her mouth breaking slowly into a smile.</p>
<p>"Actually, no," she told him, leaning back on one hand as she sipped her mead. "You get to be the first one for that too."</p>
<p>He grinned, lifting his own bottle to his mouth. "Cheers."</p>
<p>Even though it was only approaching late afternoon, because they were so far north, the sun started quickly dipping in the sky, casting a warm, fiery glow over the forest and the village.</p>
<p>"You've really never done this?"</p>
<p>She shrugged. "I'm equally as surprised you <em>have</em>."</p>
<p>"In the summer, yeah. On the roof with Sirius. We're usually smoking something, though."</p>
<p>He could practically hear her roll her eyes. "Why am I not surprised."</p>
<p>"Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it."</p>
<p>Lily chuckled. "Fair."</p>
<p>They fell quiet a moment, and then Lily asked, "So, experienced sunset-watcher, what is normal sunset-watching conversation?"</p>
<p>He smiled at her. "None. You just watch. But sunset-watchers on a <em>date</em> cuddle while they watch. Especially after one plied the other with their favorite sweet."</p>
<p>Lily laughed quietly, shaking her head even as she grinned at him. "You're so fucking ridiculous."</p>
<p>But she scooted between his legs and leaned back against him, her body fitting perfectly against his, and then she nestled her head back into the crook of his shoulder. James pressed his lips into her hair, the soft strands tickling his skin, and thought he'd never felt more content—more at <em>peace</em>—than in that moment. Lily's soft sigh made him think she might feel the same.</p>
<p>They sat in silence as they watched the changing colors of the sky, James's arms draped around her, Lily's hands resting over his, and James wished the sun would slow down its dip beneath the horizon, because it seemed like all too soon before twilight surrounded them. With a squeeze and another kiss to her head, James prompted them up, saying, "Come on, we should get back down before it's fully dark."</p>
<p>Lily pushed herself to her feet, saying, "You never did explain how you knew about this cave."</p>
<p>James shrugged as he got to his own feet, balling up the blanket. "We've spent a lot of time exploring. When we'd go off for whole weekends, just disappear when we were younger? We were out mapping the grounds and stuff."</p>
<p>She stared at him with wide eyes. "You <em>climbed</em> up here?"</p>
<p>"Well, yeah." He winked at her. "Plundering rogue, remember?"</p>
<p>Lily chuckled, watching him pack away the blanket and empty mead bottles in his backpack. "Who's not even trying to keep me up here after dark? Some rogue."</p>
<p><em>There</em> was the opening he'd been waiting for. James stepped up to her, brushing her hair behind her ear, and bent towards her mouth. "Nah, it's the oldest rogue trick in the book, Evans."</p>
<p>She sucked in a breath. "And what's that?"</p>
<p>"Leaving you wanting more."</p>
<p>She kissed him, and it was all James could do to not smile as he kissed her back. Her hands went straight to his waist, and he shivered as her fingers slipped under the edge of his t-shirt and pressed into the sensitive skin on his sides. Lily tipped her head back for him, an invitation he would always gladly accept, and he deepened their kiss as he pulled her closer. He was almost to the point of reconsidering the whole leaving-her-wanting-more business, but he steeled himself to stick to the plan.</p>
<p>"Evans," he breathed.</p>
<p>She just hummed in response, reaching back for his mouth with hers.</p>
<p>"We should—continue this—down there—"</p>
<p>Lily pulled back, frowning. "What? Down there <em>where</em>, exactly?"</p>
<p>"Don't tell me you forgot already."</p>
<p>He could tell her eyes were searching his in the growing darkness. "Forgot what?"</p>
<p>"How you won Never Have I Ever."</p>
<p>It took her only a second until her mouth fell open, but before she could say anything, he had turned on the spot.</p>
<p>He thought Lily wasn't sure if she really believed him (though she really should know better than that by now) until he stopped before they reached the High Street in earnest to pull the invisibility cloak from his bag and throw it over them.</p>
<p>"You really brought it," she said dumbly.</p>
<p>"Yes, Evans," he chuckled. "I <em>told</em> you exactly what was going to happen on this date, it's really your own fault if you didn't believe me."</p>
<p>By the time they reached the alley behind The Three Broomsticks, it seemed Lily fully believed that this was indeed going to happen. They had barely ducked around the tower of delivery crates when she turned to him, reaching up on tiptoes to kiss him as her hands slid up into his hair, and James pressed her against the wall, cushioning her head with one hand as his other slid under her jumper, to the bare skin of her waist. Their kisses were heated, frenzied, Lily's hips soon pressing desperately into his, and he unbuttoned the button of her jeans and pulled down her zipper, feeling just as desperate to touch her, all of his desire for her that had been building up during the day threatening to spill over.</p>
<p>He shimmied her jeans over her hips just enough to be able to reach his hand between her legs and stroke the outside of her knickers. They were already wet.</p>
<p>"Fuck, Evans."</p>
<p>She smiled against his mouth, pressing her hips toward his hand. "I've been staring at you, looking all fucking fit like that, <em>all day</em>, Potter."</p>
<p>That familiar swooping feeling soared in his chest—Lily Evans calling him fit would <em>never</em> get old—and James pushed his knee between her legs as he slid his hand down the front of her knickers this time, tracing around her with his fingers.</p>
<p>Lily's gasp was quiet against his face. "<em>Oh</em>—touch me—<em>please</em>."</p>
<p>As if he could ever resist her. James ducked his mouth to her neck, dotting kisses around her throat, and then he slipped one finger inside her, stroking her with gentle, short movements. Lily squirmed against his hand, and he added a second finger, pulling up his head to watch her as he started scissoring his fingers inside her and then added a slow, steady pressure with his thumb.</p>
<p>Her face changed before his eyes, her breath coming in small pants as she bit down the noises he knew she'd normally make. James nuzzled her nose, dotting kisses around her mouth as he stroked her with smooth, rhythmic movements, and he'd been at it barely a minute when she clenched his fingers, her hips bucking toward him.</p>
<p>"There it is," he murmured. "<em>Yes</em>, Evans. Ride my hand."</p>
<p>She did, lifting and swirling her hips around his fingers as he worked her, her legs tight around his thigh, and James kissed her, capturing the soft moans and whimpers now slipping from her mouth.</p>
<p>Then she did something she hadn't before. All of a sudden, her hand was no longer on the back of his neck, but on <em>his </em>hand, the one in her knickers, and then her fingers were intermingled with his, were prodding his wrist gently, were adjusting his angle, were leading him through a certain stroke over her pleasure point he'd thought he'd done fleetingly at some point but hadn't thought twice about.</p>
<p>"Keep doing that," she breathed. "Right there. Fucking <em>fuck</em>, James."</p>
<p>He vaguely thought that he wasn't sure he'd ever been more turned on his life; he'd have to return to this thought later, when he was in a more coherent state to evaluate its precise ranking, but just then he was quite confident that Lily Evans showing him how she wanted him to touch her would land right up at the top.</p>
<p>James gave her what she wanted as he cradled her head against his chest, thinking he'd stroke her just like that for hours if it made her come over and over again in his hand. Ducking his mouth to her ear, he told her so, felt her clench and squirm around his fingers in response.</p>
<p>"Yes, Lily," he whispered. "Come for me."</p>
<p>"<em>James</em>. Fuck, don't stop."</p>
<p>He increased the pace of his fingers, giving her more pressure, more speed, and she gasped a sharp, "<em>Fuck,</em>" as she clenched around him again, her body tensing under his.</p>
<p>"<em>Come</em>, Lil. Let go. Let me feel you."</p>
<p>She bit into the layers of fabric at his chest, muffling herself as her hips squirmed in last frantic little thrusts before her orgasm broke over his fingers.</p>
<p>"Baby—that's it—fuck, I love feeling you come."</p>
<p>She was shuddering, buckling under him, and he pinned her more firmly with his body, holding her head tight to his shoulder as he murmured, "I got you, Lil."</p>
<p>Her hands squeezed his arms where she held onto him, and he felt her body go slack as her climax subsided, her weight resting on his leg, her hands dropping to hang loosely at his waist. James held her gently, pressing kisses into her hair as her face nuzzled into his chest, and after a few moments he felt Lily lift her head as her hands slid to his front, going straight to the button and zipper of <em>his</em> jeans.</p>
<p>"Lil." His voice came out huskier then it had been. "You don't have to—"</p>
<p>"Like fuck I'm not," she hissed back, and she had him in her hand before he could think another thought.</p>
<p>James still didn't understand how her hand felt better than any hand ought to feel. Was it the softness of her skin? Was it because her hand was small enough that her fingers just barely closed around him? Was it how she'd gripped him firmly from the start, where girls before her had all seemed to be too tentative? He didn't know, but he also didn't quite care, because he had already been halfway there when she'd started, and her palm was now slick from him leaking for her, and he leaned over her, still pillowing her head, his other hand bracing against the wall under the cloak, whispering his own heated string of "Fuck, Lil—<em>fuck</em>, like that—there—fuck, I'm <em>close</em>—"</p>
<p>Skin softer than even her hand suddenly massaged his tip while her hand worked him and he bucked reflexively into her, trying to stifle the groan that had risen in his throat by pressing his mouth against her hair. He peeled back from her enough to glance down and saw her holding up her jumper with her free hand, and as soon as his brain comprehended that what he was feeling was her stomach, now slick where she'd rubbed him against her, he knew it was over. Lily Evans was the hottest fucking woman he'd ever laid eyes on.</p>
<p>Seeing him looking, Lily hiked up her jumper even more, so he could see the tops of her breasts swelling over nude lace. Amendment: the sexiest, dirtiest, most amazing fucking woman. Her next tug ended him, and he watched himself come on her stomach as she worked him through it, swearing a constant mantra of <em>fuck, baby, fuck</em> under his breath to keep himself from groaning like he wanted to.</p>
<p>He leaned against her when he was done, catching his breath, focusing on the pressure of her head resting against his chest, her hands at his waist, to try to feel anchored. He didn't know how much time passed, but eventually the distant yelp of a cat in the alley jolted him back to his senses. They were still behind The Three Broomsticks, still tangled under the invisibility cloak, with Lily on his fingers and his release all over Lily. She extracted her wand from some unknown location and set to cleaning them up, then giggled up at him as they did up their jeans.</p>
<p>"Consider your promise kept," she told him.</p>
<p>"Hmm?"</p>
<p>Her smile was too sly. "Don't tell me you <em>forgot</em> already."</p>
<p>He shook his head dumbly. "Lily, I—can't think—"</p>
<p>She chuckled and rested her hands on his chest. "You told me I wouldn't be able to walk after you fingered me back here. And I honestly don't know if I can once you take your leg back."</p>
<p>Smiling, James straightened up, though he was still holding onto her, and bent to kiss her softly. "Time for a drink?"</p>
<p>She nodded, kissing him again. Fuck, he would never get tired of her initiating kisses.</p>
<p>In a faux-serious tone, he asked, "Do I need to carry you inside?"</p>
<p>Lily swatted him, though her face had that affectionately mischievous look. "No, but you can buy me a mead to put the feeling back in my body."</p>
<p>"Deal."</p>
<p>Checking that the coast was clear, he knelt to stuff the cloak back in the backpack, and then they circled around to go in through the front.</p>
<p>James led the way through the crowd to the bar, grinning widely at Rosmerta as he caught her eye. Suddenly, a voice he hadn't heard in a few years sounded from a short ways away.</p>
<p>"Li-ly <em>Ev-ans</em>!"</p>
<p>James turned his head just in time to see Fabian Prewett slinging an arm around Lily in a friendly side-hug, followed in short order by his twin, Gideon, as they immediately bombarded her with tipsy greetings.</p>
<p>"Damn, it's been a few years!"</p>
<p>"How you been, love?"</p>
<p>"Heard you got the badge, not surprised."</p>
<p>Lily laughed—that laugh James would recognize anywhere—as she swatted the Prewett brothers playfully. "You boys haven't changed a bit, good thing you don't go here anymore, or I'd be docking you points all over the place."</p>
<p>Fabian jostled her shoulder playfully, and James's insides writhed like snakes, that reflexive reaction he'd had forever when he saw another bloke flirting with Lily. He told himself to ignore it—it's not like Fabian knew Lily had just jerked him off all over her stomach outside—and then Rosmerta was calling for him and pushing two bottles of mead in his hand. She didn't let go when he grasped them and instead she leaned over the bar, her teeth dazzlingly white against her red lipstick as she smiled at him.</p>
<p>"How's your date going, Jamesie?"</p>
<p>He grinned back. "Perfect, Ros."</p>
<p>She flicked her eyes over to where he knew Lily had been cornered by the Prewett twins, then winked him. "Go get her, love. These are on me."</p>
<p>James took the bottles of mead without protest, but only because he'd slip her an extra tip next time and they both knew it, and he winked back as he turned to make his way toward Lily, where she'd drifted with the Prewett twins and a couple other blokes that seemed to be with the Prewetts and who were all eyeing her with interest.</p>
<p>He wasn't surprised—Lily turned heads; she always had. She had a way of lighting up a room without being loud; it was just this <em>presence</em> she had, this <em>energy</em>, that radiated out of her smile and those emerald green eyes and the way that blood-red hair looked almost weightless as it cascaded and swished around her shoulders in those loose waves she did. It socked him in the gut every time he saw it—had been repeatedly socking him in the gut, really, for as long as he'd known her. How many times had he seen boys flirt with her in the hallway, at meals, on the grounds? How many times had he seen her on dates with other blokes in Hogsmeade? How many times had he watched her effortlessly work the room at The Three Broomsticks? How many times had he wished, with his whole being, that she was casting that smile up at <em>him</em>? Looking around to find <em>him</em>? Retreating to a table for two with <em>him</em>?</p>
<p>Too many—far too many—to count, which made finally being her date seem all the more unreal.</p>
<p>Fabian's face lit up when he saw James, and with a roar of, "Potter!" James was suddenly knocked back a step with the force of burly redhead hugging him straight on and thumping him hard on the back. As soon as Fabian let go, Gideon took his place, and James couldn't help but smile seeing the two of them again side-by-side. They had been seventh-year Beaters when James was a fifth-year Chaser, and he remembered idolizing them at fifteen, seeing them be the life of the Gryffindor common room and internalizing all their party-instigating ways.</p>
<p>Gideon still had a hand on his shoulder, giving James an affectionate neck squeeze as he said, "Heard you won the opening match, mate. Always knew you'd fucking kill it out there."</p>
<p>A deep voice James didn't recognize at first said, "No one else I'd rather have coaching my kid sister."</p>
<p>But then, from behind Gideon as he dropped his hand and stepped sideways, James saw the same dark hair and kind face as his newest Chaser, and he grinned, if possible, even wide.</p>
<p>"Richard Vance, no fucking way."</p>
<p>Realizing his hands were still full, he held out a bottle toward Lily, who was now standing by Gideon, with a "Here, Lil," not realizing until he'd said it that it had just tumbled out, <em>in public</em>, like the most normal thing in the world, and he thought from the smile that spread over her face that maybe he should start calling her that in public more often.</p>
<p>But then Richard was right in front of him, and they were shaking hands and doing that bloke hug that blokes did, and James was shaking his head, saying, "Thank fuck you coached your sister this summer, we'd be lost without her."</p>
<p>Richard laughed. "She's pretty good, isn't she? Al and I <em>hounded</em> her when we found out there was a spot open on the team."</p>
<p>James nodded. "Good thing you did. She's great, learns fast, got a goal in last match."</p>
<p>"Yeah, she floo'd us after, she was so fucking high on adrenaline, loved every second. She spoke highly of you, too, said you're a great captain."</p>
<p>James shrugged. "I mean, yeah, but I learned everything from you, so…"</p>
<p>Richard laughed, but they both knew it was true. Richard had been Gryffindor's Captain when he put a very green third-year James on the squad, and he'd taught James everything he knew and ultimately led Gryffindor to James's first taste of winning the Quidditch House Cup in his fourth year. The team had gone on to lose in James's fifth year, when Fabian Prewett had been appointed Captain but hadn't been as good at it as Richard had been, so when James was given the Captaincy his sixth year, he'd vowed to himself that Gryffindor would never lose on his watch, and thus far, that had held.</p>
<p>Lily piped up and asked, "What brings you all back here?"</p>
<p>Gideon looked sideways at her and lowered his mouth to her ear. James couldn't hear what he said, but he saw Lily's eyes go wide, and then, on his other side, Richard leaned toward James and muttered, "Meeting with Dumbledore. The group he's forming. He mentioned you and Lily were the only students to know about it."</p>
<p>James nodded his understanding. "Yeah. Wish I could join now, though."</p>
<p>"Nah," Richard said softly. "Real life comes soon enough. Being back here, at Hogwarts, seeing a Hogsmeade Saturday…enjoy this, Potter. It'll be over before you know it, and you'll wish you could just go back and relive it, so trust me when I tell you to enjoy it while you can, yeah?"</p>
<p>James felt a strange pang of nostalgia hit him then as he realized the force of Richard's words. It was almost Halloween. He was about halfway done with his last fall term at Hogwarts. Had it really only been a couple months ago that he'd been in Slughorn's dungeon party when Slytherins had started exploding cocktail tables? When the most he'd touched Lily had been to give her a hug and fleetingly hold her hand? When he hadn't even had Quidditch trials yet? Now that he paused to reflect on it, it seemed like the past two months had passed in a wild blur, that fresh fall feeling that always came with new school years gone in a blink.</p>
<p>He very suddenly needed Lily. He couldn't explain it, didn't understand it, but just then he had an insatiable urge to go to her, to touch her—and so he did. In one fluid motion, he gave Richard a parting pat on the arm, then turned toward Lily and draped his other arm around her, tucking her into his side. She fit like she had been designed just for him, and a new feeling, something like comfort, flooded him even as his heart skipped a beat when he felt her snuggle every so slightly against him.</p>
<p>"It was great to see you guys," James said, and he meant it—the Prewetts and Richard Vance had all been role models for him in their own way, and it was bizarre to realize that he was now the age they'd been when Younger James had idolized them. Fuck, time was funny.</p>
<p>The twins were looking at him strangely.</p>
<p>"Wait…" Fabian mused, a smile twitching at his face. "Are you two…?"</p>
<p>James looked down at Lily and found her already smiling up at him, her eyes bright. He ran a hand through his hair as he looked back at the twins and said lightly, "Yeah. Only took a few years, but I finally got a date."</p>
<p>The twins erupted in laughter, and Richard gave James a friendly smile, his own eyes dancing as he chuckled. Pretty much everyone had known that James fancied the hell out of Lily during his fourth and fifth years, but other than the Marauders, no one knew quite as well as his Quidditch teammates, because Lily had been a very popular topic of discussion in the boys' locker room.</p>
<p>"Bloody hell, man," Fabian laughed.</p>
<p>Gideon pointed his butterbeer at Lily. "It's about damn time, Evans, this kid's been waiting for his chance since you were fucking fourth years."</p>
<p>James laughed with them, unable to deny that even if he'd wanted to try, and Lily just said coyly, "Well, he's doing a lot better than he would have fourth year, that's for sure."</p>
<p>That sent the twins howling, and James used the moment of their inability to talk as the best opportunity to give them all a final wave and steer Lily away from the crowd at the front of the pub and toward a corner by the fireplace, where he'd spotted an open table.</p>
<p>James had timed it on purpose; there was a certain ambiance to The Three Broomsticks once it got dark outside, what with all the floating candles appearing around the pub, aiding the candelabra and sconces in making the room feel alight yet still giving it all a softness that it usually otherwise lacked, and the lively noise of the pub seemed to fade into the background as they settled in at the small table by the fire.</p>
<p>Lily's eyes glinted at him as she teased, "I wondered how long it'd take you to get territorial in front of Fabian."</p>
<p>James shrugged, leaning over the table on crossed arms so he could retort softly, "Sounds like he already wasted his chance a few years ago."</p>
<p>Lily chuckled into her mead. "That, he did."</p>
<p>James held her gaze. "And how am I doing with mine?"</p>
<p>Lily's eyes narrowed in faux consideration as she held up her fingers. "Hmm. Revealing yourself to be a rogue who plunders real caves, attempting to bribe me with my favorite sweet, ruining my virtue in a back alley…am I forgetting anything?"</p>
<p>James chuckled, but then Lily's face seemed to soften as she held up two more fingers and added, "Oh yeah, looking like a fucking dream and taking me to watch the bloody sunset."</p>
<p>Warmth pooled in his stomach. She thought <em>he</em> looked like a dream? He knew was fit and handsome, but please—as if his looks held a candle to how stunning she was.</p>
<p>"I've always liked sunsets," he told her, "but I like them better with you now."</p>
<p>"You know," she said softly, her eyes glittering, "today might be the most romantic date I've ever been on, Potter."</p>
<p>Was it possible for a human to literally melt on the spot? More specifically, was it possible for the heat of Lily Evans' gaze to melt him into a puddle on The Three Broomsticks' floor? His heart seemed lodged in his throat. That was the second time she'd used that word—<em>romantic</em>—about something he'd done, and it hit him just as forcefully this time around.</p>
<p>If he was being honest with himself, he'd been incredibly nervous about this day. Not because he was nervous about Lily's feelings; he was comfortable enough spending time with her by that point, and she'd told him she was falling in love with him. No, he was nervous about all the rest of it, the part he'd actually never really done—the <em>dating</em> part. In his head, he'd always thought of dating as what the <em>nice</em> boys did: sitting at a cramped table in frilly Madam Puddifut's, making nice, polite conversation, buying a girl some nice chocolates, and then walking her back to her common room and leaving her with a nice kiss. And he'd never been interested. It had all sounded rather dull, and though he thought he was a nice enough person, he certainly wasn't a <em>nice boy</em> that did those <em>nice boy</em> <em>things</em> that Lily's Hufflepuff exes had done. No, if he'd been into a girl (that wasn't Lily), it had generally been mostly a physical thing, and he'd just assumed skip all the boring niceties in favor of the more fun parts.</p>
<p>But Lily was different. So, so different. And it clicked for him that the idea of real, bona-fide <em>dating—</em>taking a girl on real <em>date—</em>had always intimidated him because he'd never felt for any other girl the desire for exactly what Lily had named: <em>romance</em>. But Merlin, did he want romance with her. And, even more surprised than he was to find that he felt it so strongly, he was surprised to realize how naturally it came to him when Lily was concerned, because it had never come naturally to him before. He'd throw his arms around people all day, had happily (when in Project Get Over Evans mode) hooked up when he was attracted to somebody, but he had balked at holding hands, recoiled at the idea of a candlelit dinner, never felt particularly inclined to cuddle. But with Lily, all of those inner reservations had disappeared, replaced with a craving for all those things he'd once avoided. He hadn't questioned it when the ideas had come to set up the secret dinner in the kitchens, or to take her up to the cave for the sunset. It had felt like the most natural thing in the world.</p>
<p>He smiled at her. "You thought <em>today</em> was romantic? Just wait until my Astronomy Tower date, Evans."</p>
<p>For never having properly dated a girl, the idea for <em>that</em> date had popped into his head when he'd first delivered a similar line as they'd huddled under the cloak in its rafters. He hadn't questioned it then, either.</p>
<p>She arched her brows at him. "Taking me on another one, are you?"</p>
<p>"Evans, I'm taking you on dates for as long as you'll let me."</p>
<p>Her face cracked into a grin and she gave a feeble attempt at rolling her eyes. "You're such a fucking melt."</p>
<p>James chuckled and pointed his bottle at her. "<em>You</em> did this, you know. I'm fucking melting over here because you're a fucking goddess, Evans."</p>
<p>She giggled into her drink, a rosy blush rising in her cheeks as her eyes sparkled in the candlelight.</p>
<p>"You're <em>ridiculous</em>, Potter."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I am. And you love it, and you waited this long to date it, so…"</p>
<p>She gave a more genuine eye-roll at that, retorting, "You might've had more success if you'd refrained from charming my hair green—"</p>
<p>"To match your eyes—"</p>
<p>"—or turning my textbooks into parrots—"</p>
<p>"—studying's more fun that way—"</p>
<p>"—or ignoring me for a year."</p>
<p>James's froze, his bottle of mead hovering halfway to his mouth. A deeper flush rose up on her neck, the only betrayal that her cavalier attitude masked other not-so-cavalier feelings on the matter.</p>
<p>"Lily." He lowered his bottle to the table, stared into those dark green eyes. "I was an <em>idiot</em>. A stupid, sodding idiot who resorted to hating you to try to get over you. And it didn't even <em>work</em>."</p>
<p>Lily let out a small laugh. "Could have fooled me."</p>
<p>James arched his brows. "And you weren't as equally convincing an actress? You basically turned into Mrs. Norris getting her tail stepped on just from being in my presence."</p>
<p>She looked sheepish as she met his eye. "Well, when the bloke you sort of want to snog all the time is ignoring you and acting like you actually do have green hair, I rather <em>felt</em> like Mrs. Norris getting her tail stepped on."</p>
<p>James kicked her foot under the table, feeling himself smiling even through the guilt of what their sixth year might have cost them. "You wanted to snog me all the time?"</p>
<p>Her cheeks were still pink, but she said pointedly, "I told you the patrol story, did I not?"</p>
<p>"You did. But thinking I was, how did you put it? The <em>hottest thing you'd ever fucking seen</em>?"—she blushed harder, but that blazing look didn't falter—"That doesn't <em>necessarily</em> equal wanting to snog me all the time…"</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine, Potter. Here's another little ego stroke for you. I wanted to snog you <em>all</em> the time."</p>
<p>James leaned back over the table, regarding her thoughtfully. "You know, Evans, you could have snogged me, at any time, and I would have liked it."</p>
<p>She just shrugged and leaned forward to rest her chin in her palm. "I suppose, but I chose Chuck Davies because I knew you'd hate it."</p>
<p>His mouth fell open. "You—you did?"</p>
<p>She stared into the fire a moment before she said, "Not…consciously. Not at the time. But looking back…I'm sure that was it. I was so <em>angry</em> at you, for how you acted when we got back at school. You didn't even <em>try</em> to apologize for that day by the lake, or our row, and then you just ignored me and started pawing Adelaide every chance you got. And Davies was giving me attention, and I knew you two were huge rivals, and…it felt like one-upping you, I guess." She turned to look him square in the eye. "I thought I could tell it bothered you, and I liked that."</p>
<p>James swallowed hard. It <em>had</em> bothered him, an incredible amount, to the point where he'd almost broken their stalemate to say something on multiple occasions, but had chickened out each time, all his Gryffindor courage up in smoke, as he'd thought that he'd made his bed too deeply by that point to try.</p>
<p>He could still remember the first time he'd seen Lily and Chuck together, and the thought still made bitter bile rise in the back of his throat. He had been on his way up from having a fly around the Quidditch pitch when he had spotted them, arms around each other as they lounged against a tree, Chuck's tongue undeniably down Lily's throat. James had watched them for a moment, rooted to the spot, consumed with the sudden mental image of her snogging <em>him</em> like that, all flushed and open-mouthed, pressed up against him. The sight of Chuck's hands in her hair had made his stomach turn, and jealousy had bubbled thick through his veins. He wasn't sure how he had finally managed to pull himself away, barely paying attention to where he was going. It being dinner hours, Adelaide had been about to go into the Great Hall when she saw James and drifted toward him; without thinking, James had pulled her sideways into a small closet off the Entrance Hall and shagged her intensely against the door. When they emerged, it had been to see Chuck and Lily walking through the front doors, initial surprise at seeing anyone coming out of that closet fading into comprehension. Lily had rolled her eyes at them, passing them cooly on her way to the Great Hall, but Chuck had winked at James, punching him playfully in the shoulder as he passed, which had made James feel, if it was possible, even worse.</p>
<p>"It did bother me," he told her. "A fucking lot, if I'm being honest."</p>
<p>She gave him a small smile as her foot kicked his. "So, about how much seeing you with Adelaide bothered me, then."</p>
<p>James chuckled. "Probably, yes."</p>
<p>They regarded each other a moment, and then James decided to ask something else he'd wondered about, if they were on this topic. "What about when you were with Eddie?"</p>
<p>She gazed back toward the fire a moment, then said, "I liked him, I did. We were friends already, and he was <em>nice</em>, and he <em>was</em> a good snog"—he felt a sharp twist in his gut at that, but he forced himself to ignore it—"but I think <em>wanted</em> to like him, or felt like I <em>should</em> like him, more than I <em>did</em> like him that way." She turned her gaze back on him, looking more vulnerable than she had that whole conversation. "I guess, looking back, secretly fancying you probably got in the way of liking him as much as he deserved."</p>
<p>How did girls—how did <em>Lily</em>—just <em>do</em> that, just articulate so clearly what he'd been feeling that he'd never known how to describe? And why did his heart have to race so frantically, why did a stupid smile have to spread over his face during an otherwise somewhat serious conversation, just from hearing those words—<em>secretly fancying you</em>—come out of her mouth?</p>
<p>"I know how that works, believe me," he told her.</p>
<p>Lily chuckled at that, setting down her empty mead bottle with a small <em>thunk</em>. "Should we talk about how our exes whom we didn't like as much as they deserved are on a date together?"</p>
<p>"Yes," he told her with a smile as he slid out of his chair. "But we need more mead for that—I'll be back."</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Their second bottle of mead and two baskets of chips carried them through musings of how Edgar and Dahlia had wound up together in Madame Puddifut's that day, followed by a discussion of how both of them were just incredibly <em>nice</em> and <em>good</em> people undeserving of James and Lily's floundering.</p>
<p>Into their third bottle, James made a joke about Dahlia teaching Edgar to <em>play the piano</em>, so to speak, which sent Lily blushing and James admitting that, contrary to Adelaide's boasting, he rather thought Dahlia deserved the credit for everything he knew about female anatomy, and somehow <em>that</em> led to James telling her about the first time he went down on Dahlia to reassure her he had indeed been a clueless idiot with no idea what to do until Dahlia had coached him through it, and then <em>that</em> lead to Lily admitting she'd talked to Dahlia about going down on <em>him</em>, which he then had to admit he already knew, which sent her blushing some more even as she made a joke about having a mutual oral sex coach, and which prompted James to tell her that he stood by his drunken declaration that he wanted Lily to blow him for the rest of his life because she had a magical touch that even their coach did not and that she, Lily Evans, was the Giver of the Best Blowjobs He'd Ever Had.</p>
<p>Then they started their fourth bottles of mead, and James was long uncomfortably hard from talking about oral sex with Lily Evans, and so of course he lowered his voice even more than it already had been to remind her of the time about three days ago when she'd gotten on her knees under a table not much bigger than that one, and so started the rather quick descent into blatant lustful flirtation as Lily confessed her rather deep attraction to his hands and how she always noticed what he was doing with them, particularly when he was holding cold beverages (as he was then), and then James confessed his rather deep attraction to her legs, and how he'd long memorized how they looked crossed in class and had often hoped to be lucky enough to catch a flounce of her skirt that would show some more of them, and Lily looked far too smug as she admitted she <em>knew</em> and had taken to flashing more of them, tastefully of course, whenever he was around, which was a lot of the time.</p>
<p>"You fucking minx, Evans."</p>
<p>She shrugged, the firelight making her eyes dance. "I like knowing those trouser charms of yours are being put to use, what can I say."</p>
<p>The lighting in pub had dimmed some more since they'd been there, and suddenly, James very much wanted to move onto the next part of the night, which he hoped involved skipping the common room to go straight up to his bed.</p>
<p>"Evil, you are." His whisper was somewhat hoarse. "You know that I have genuinely been on the precipice of coming in my pants—in fucking <em>class</em>—just from replaying nights with you in my head?"</p>
<p>Her eyes glittered back at him, her smile far too amused. "And here I thought you were being an attentive student when you spent so much time writing on your parchment."</p>
<p>James chuckled. "No, that would be the part where I doodle nonsense in an attempt to regain some self-control and keep my dignity."</p>
<p>Her eyes seemed to bore into his. "You know, I quite like you having no self-control."</p>
<p>Scratch the bedroom, then; there was no way he'd be able to muddle through the process of getting dragged into the common room. He downed the rest of his mead, then held out his hand to her over the table. "Time to head back?"</p>
<p>She grinned, finishing her own bottle, and then took his hand. "I thought you'd never ask."</p>
<p>They waved at a beaming Rosmerta as they left, making their way hand-in-hand back through the High Street, along the road that would take them back to Hogwarts and up the path that cut through the grounds. It didn't escape James that he and Lily never seemed to run out things to say, or nonsense to banter about, or stupid jokes to laugh at, and the thought was as scary as it was comforting, because it solidified more than anything else that he could be around Lily Evans for an entire day, and not only did he not stop wanting her in <em>that</em> way, but he didn't stop wanting to be around her in all the other ways, too. And he didn't see how he ever could.</p>
<p>She was perfect. She was <em>Lily Evans</em>. And she had finally gone on a very real, very public date with him, and as they walked through the dark grounds, her fingers laced through his, James vaguely felt like all of it—their pasts, their idiocy, their exes—had been leading up to this moment, this day, this date with Lily Evans he'd always wanted and now had had, and that had been more perfect, more <em>them</em>, than he could've ever imagined.</p>
<p>When they were approaching the castle, James tugged her around the side, away from the front steps.</p>
<p>"What—?"</p>
<p>But he was pulling her into him, releasing her hand to hold onto her waist as he brought his other hand to her face, and he felt Lily's hands sneak under his jacket to grab gentle fistfuls of his open flannel.</p>
<p>She bit back a smirk as she looked up at him with liquid eyes. "Is this the part where you kiss me and sweep me off my feet at the end of our first date?"</p>
<p>He smiled. "Yes, Lily." He heard her breath catch as he tilted her chin up and leaned in closer. "This is that part."</p>
<p>Her lips had never tasted sweeter as they did in that moment. He poured it all into that kiss: his care for her, the happiness he'd felt the whole day, how much he wanted her in <em>every</em> way, not just physically but in a real relationship way, a take-her-home-at-Christmas and cuddle-at-night and talk-for-hours way that made his heart skip and ache at the same time. His hand slid back from her face to tangle in her hair, and one of her hands buried in his hair while the other somehow found its way up his t-shirt to press like a brand into his back, and only when they reached a point of running out of oxygen did they break apart, breathless.</p>
<p>"Fuck," Lily whispered. "James."</p>
<p>He rested his forehead against hers, unable to hold back a grin as he teased, "And here you didn't think our first real Hogsmeade date would be memorable."</p>
<p>Her eyes glinted at him as she said, "Sod off, Potter," but then she reached up on her tiptoes as she pulled him back down to her mouth, and the way she kissed him just then made him think he'd succeeded in topping their detention date after all.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p>
<p>After snogging outside for Merlin knows how long, they held hands on their way up through the castle, and when they reached the fifth floor, both of them hesitated at the same time.</p>
<p>Lily looked up at him, green eyes wide, lips slightly parted and still swollen and rosy from his nips downstairs. Words tumbled simultaneously.</p>
<p>"We never—"</p>
<p>"Can we—"</p>
<p>"Yeah—"</p>
<p>"Please—"</p>
<p>James swore under his breath as he turned them from their trek upstairs and toward their office, and they were silent the rest of the way, like the tension was too thick, too much, to even try to overcome.</p>
<p>They were barely beyond the mahogany door when they crashed into each other, a frenzied hurricane of hands in hair and teeth tugging lips and then hands on skin, inside shirts, under jumpers, behind waistbands, all while heads turned and tongues darted and breaths gasped as fingers squeezed and hips pushed and in what seemed like no time at all, and with very little comprehension of how he'd gotten there what with all of the other sensations flooding his body, he was kneeling in front of one of the armchairs by the fire, tossing his glasses into the pile of Lily's jeans and knickers next to him, and lowering his mouth between her legs without any preamble of teasing kisses, just needing to taste her, needing to make her writhe and scream and never, ever forget the night that followed their first real date.</p>
<p>He held tightly to her hips, sinking his fingers into that delicious skin of her curves, as she curled back into the armchair, her knees falling wide against its armrests, her heels digging into his back as he tilted his head against her to plunge his tongue even farther inside. Her raw, throaty moans echoed in his ears, her fingers pulling his head tighter against her told him she was probably even closer than he'd thought, and she confirmed it when she cried out his name and wriggled against his mouth, like she was trying to ride his face. It was all he could do to not smile as he shifted against her, changing the lap of his tongue to flick over the spot where he knew she wanted that friction, and her response was immediate, her knees falling wider, her hips pressing higher, her hands clutching tighter in his hair, those throaty cries become more frantic with each deliberate flick.</p>
<p>His heart seemed to swell and soar at every babbling <em>fuck</em> and <em>James</em> and <em>yes</em> that tumbled out of her mouth, and he could feel how enlarged that sensitive spot had become under his attention, and he breathed shallowly through his nose, starting to run out of air but not even caring because the thought of pulling his mouth away from that sliding rhythm he'd found amidst her slick heat was truly unthinkable. She drenched the whole lower half of his face, and without being able to help it, he fleetingly thought about how she'd feel if he replaced his mouth with the erection now throbbing in his jeans, and then he just as quickly realized that his earlier quip was going to come true and he was going to come in his pants by the time he'd gotten her. It was just inevitable, really, because the way she was spread for him just then and was moaning just then and starting to tense and curl in pleasure just then was almost more than he could bear.</p>
<p>Lily was right on the cusp, telling him so, and he memorized how she felt when she told him that, how her abdominals clenched and her hips tilted under his mouth and her hands seemed to still, holding his face tightly against her, like she was intent on preventing him from stopping at all costs. He turned his head, getting his mouth as flush with her as he could, lapping at her with long sweeps that ended in those small flicks, and he distantly realized he was working his own hips against the front of the chair, and then with a final ringing cry of, "<em>James!</em>" he felt her pressure break against his mouth, felt her pulsing against his tongue, and suddenly that same pulse seemed to be echoing in his own ears, pleasure flooding his own body, and his eyes scrunched, his groan came out muffled against her opening as he felt the warm stickiness of his own release spread against his pelvis, that same pulse now somehow spread throughout his whole body even as it beat against his mouth.</p>
<p>At some point, he pulled away only to rest his forehead against the inside of her thigh, catching his breath in deep, shuddering pulls, and only distantly aware of Lily's fingers tracing soft patterns on the back of his neck.</p>
<p>"Lily," he eventually croaked.</p>
<p>She only hummed in response, still slumped awkwardly in the armchair. He nuzzled his face deeper into her thigh, not ready to open his eyes just yet.</p>
<p>"That's the second time—<em>this week</em>—that you've made me <em>come</em> in my fucking <em>pants</em>."</p>
<p>Delirious-sounding giggles bubbled from somewhere above him, and then her fingers gave him an affectionate scratch on the back of his head.</p>
<p>"You're still a man in my eyes, Potter."</p>
<p>He lifted his face from her leg just enough to peer up at her, her face only slightly blurry from his near-sightedness.</p>
<p>"Because I can make you come with my mouth?"</p>
<p>She chuckled. "Well, yes." Her hand slid from his hair to his cheek. "But also because you have really grown up, and now I'm quite glad I put off going out with you."</p>
<p>James smirked. "So it could involve making you come with my mouth?"</p>
<p>She smushed his face playfully. "I'm trying to be sentimental, you prat."</p>
<p>He lifted his face and rested his chin on her thigh, thinking that they were in quite an odd position—literally—to be getting sentimental, but wanting every possible sentimental moment with her that she would give him. "I'm listening."</p>
<p>She bit her lip a moment, her face still flushed, then said, "I had a really great day with you, James. I always knew I'd have fun if I hung out with you, because you're just a fun person, you always have been. But today—it was still so much better than I expected, and it was romantic at the same time, and I just sort of feel like—I don't how to explain it. Like everything…<em>before</em> was sort of leading to…<em>now</em>."</p>
<p>James just stared at her, wondering how in the hell she had taken the words directly out of his head, and Lily must have taken that for confusion, because she hastily added, "Maybe that doesn't make sense—"</p>
<p>"No," James cut her off. "It does. I feel it, too."</p>
<p>Something relieved but almost apprehensive crossed her face, and James reached for her, pulling her off the armchair and on top of him in a tangle of limbs on the floor, Lily bursting out laughing when she felt how wet the front of his jeans were ("Did you think I was <em>lying </em>about that?"), and James thought that sentimental feeling still lingered as they undressed each other more completely, playful kisses turning deeper, and then James got up to grab the pillows from the armchairs, falling back on top of her with a murmured, "I think you said you wanted to repeat our first time, yeah?"</p>
<p>He thought he might have seen the world in her eyes just then, and that look didn't go away as he slid inside her, or when he maneuvered a bunched-up pillow under her back, or when he picked up his pace before she slowed him back down, or when he babbled his own raw <em>Lil's</em> and <em>baby's</em> as he buried his face in her neck, and when she pulled his head back up and told him she was close, that look was still there, and he watched it, memorized it, as she reached her own squirming, gasping end and then as he followed, spilling inside her as she held up his cheeks and watched <em>him</em>, and he hoped, by the way she smiled at him just then, that that meant she saw the world in his.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. At Least He Knows His Holidays</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>On Tumblr at missgryffin!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p><em>I took L to Hogsmeade yesterday. Do I even need to write that it was perfect? It was perfect. Like, I think I can say it was worth a three-year wait. I</em> <em>'m obviously asking her to Slughorn's Halloween party on Friday. Doesn't he invite old Slug Club members to that? Let me know if you and Dad are planning on coming up. </em></p><p><em>Oh, and L</em> <em>'s technically not my girlfriend yet. And she was the one who said "yet" so I'm going to go ahead and interpret that as "soon." </em></p><p><em>Also, I</em> <em>'m assuming Dumbledore talked to you about what he talked to L and I about on Friday, and in addition to that, I've overheard some Slytherin gossip that I really don't like. As in, I'm genuinely concerned for L's safety. Are you sure we can't push through a mass expulsion of all of Slytherin house? </em></p><p>
  <em>Maybe see you Friday, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>James, </em>
</p><p><em>That</em> <em>'s it? You finally take the girl you've adored since you started to like girls on a date and all I get is, "It was perfect"? There are things in life of such importance that they require a play-by-play for your mother to fully appreciate them, and taking your future wife on your first date is one of them. (Obviously with the, shall we say, invisibility cloak parts redacted for your mother's benefit.) (Yes, you two will get married, I</em> <em>'</em> <em>m sure of it.)</em></p><p><em>I think your father did get an invitation from Slughorn, but we also got invited to a masquerade in London, so we still need to decide what we</em> <em>'re going to do. </em></p><p><em>Speaking of invitations, the Governors</em> <em>' Dinner is coming up in a few weeks—see enclosed. I expect you'll be bringing Lily, preferably as your girlfriend by then, but as she has to go as Head Girl anyway, the girlfriend title is really so I can be a proud, gushing mother. </em></p><p><em>Yes, Dumbledore came by yesterday and we discussed it at length. Stay close to Lily (as if you need a reason, but you know) and keep your wits about you. Believe me, if mass expulsion was an option, I would have entertained it already. Maybe don</em> <em>'t repeat that. Then maybe burn this letter.</em></p><p>
  <em>Maybe see you Friday, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mum</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Mum, </em>
</p><p><em>Addendum: I took L to Hogsmeade yesterday. It was perfect. We strolled the High Street, saw our friends, and loaded up on sweets for our office in Honeydukes. Of course I paid, because I am a gentleman, and I also bought L her favorite sweets because I am an observant gentleman to boot. (Somewhere in there we also spotted our exes</em> <em>—yes, Dahlia and Eddie Bones—on a date in that awful teashop I won't name, looking like they were also having a blast.) Anyway. I took her to a spot I know to watch the sunset, because I am apparently a sappy romantic when it comes to her. [Redacted.] We went to The Three Broomsticks, obviously. Ran into the Prewetts and Rich Vance, so that was fun. L and I talked and drank for a few hours, which was even more fun. We had a very romantic end-of-date kiss in front of the castle that was seen, as the school is currently talking about it. [Redacted.] The end. </em></p><p>
  <em>James</em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.s., I'm not sure I've ever wanted you to be right about something before, but I hope you are about that.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>If the student body had thought they were having a heyday a week before, it was nothing compared to the heyday they were having now. Because her and James had been seen on Saturday night, and like clockwork, the castle was now buzzing with discussion of the Head Boy and Girl—notorious ladies man (their words, not hers) and the object of his long-unrequited love—on a proper date, sharing several drinks in a low-lit corner of The Three Broomsticks, then spotted glued at the mouth and groping each other on the grounds, and then <em>disappearing altogether</em>. When they both missed breakfast, lunch, <em>and</em> dinner on Sunday, the student body could only suspect that they'd ran away together, been too hungover to function, or were hiding on purpose, intentions unclear.</p><p>But the truth of the matter was that all the Gryffindor seventh years had spent the day crowded around their usual spot by the fire in the common room and working on their mountain of homework for the week, subsisting only on food from the kitchens that the boys took turns fetching under the cloak. And the best part of it all was that Lily spent the whole day sitting next to James, their legs pressed against each other's under the table, and if anyone was the wiser, no one said anything.</p><p>Facing the school on Monday morning was not what Lily expected. Though she spent her free first period in the library, as was her normal routine only to stay in relative proximity to the dungeons between breakfast and Potions class, by the time she was setting her bag at her shared table with Sirius, she had received and rejected no less than three offers to be asked to Slughorn's Halloween party.</p><p><em>Three</em>. Well, one didn't totally count, because Hugh McClaggan was really scheming to get himself and the object of <em>his</em> fancy into the party. Still. Turning boys down was bloody <em>exhausting</em>.</p><p>As it was a lecture day, Lily set to arranging her desk, setting her usual scrap piece of parchment between her and Sirius, and then tucking her two-way parchment just slightly behind her real parchment.</p><p>Sirius immediately noticed. <em>So it works, huh?</em></p><p>There was no use trying to hide it. <em>He told you?</em></p><p>Sirius arched a brow. <em>I helped him make it. Took two days.</em></p><p>Lily's mouth fell slightly, though she really shouldn't have been surprised. <em>Thank you?</em></p><p>Sirius wrinkled his nose. <em>For creating a means for you two to pass sex notes? Please don't.</em></p><p>She smirked; he wasn't wrong. <em>You'll know how to make one for you and Mac, then.</em></p><p>Sirius hesitated, chewing on his lip for awhile before he responded, <em>Not the same</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Because?</em>
</p><p><em>You two are basically a couple. (Dunno why you</em> <em>'re officially not?)</em></p><p><em>J didn</em> <em>'t say?</em></p><p>Sirius gave her a sideways look. <em>He says you say "not yet." </em></p><p>
  <em>Correct. </em>
</p><p>He rolled his eyes. <em>Whatever.</em></p><p><em>And you and Mac are</em> <em>…?</em></p><p>
  <em>Just shagging.</em>
</p><p>Lily knew her next question was bold and probably none of her business, but as Mary's friend she felt compelled to ask. <em>Does she know that? </em></p><p>Sirius was unperturbed. <em>Her idea.</em></p><p>Oh. Well that was a bit of a surprise. Not that Mary had ever been a <em>wanting-a-relationship</em> kind of gal—she'd always said she was far too busy with school and Quidditch for a boyfriend—but her and Sirius seemed to mesh in a way that Lily hadn't seen Mary mesh with a bloke before, so she'd just assumed there was something more to it. Kind of like her and James. But then again, she also hadn't had a chance to talk to Mary about it all yet.</p><p>New writing appeared on her two-way parchment. <em>I would like in on this note-passing, please.</em></p><p>Lily flashed it to Sirius, and he wrote back, <em>Since when do you say "please"?</em></p><p><em>Since I</em> <em>'ve learned manners, Pads. Clearly you flunked cotillion. </em></p><p>
  <em>I did. My crowning achievement.</em>
</p><p>Lily scrawled on the scrap parchment, <em>You really did?</em></p><p>
  <em>I solemnly swear. Probably was the start of my mum hating me. </em>
</p><p>She hesitated, biting her lip. Sirius often said things like that, quips that he played off as a joke but that were laced with just enough truth to feel like it very much wasn't a joke at all. Deciding to keep the mood light, she asked, <em>Tell me you flunked because you used the soup spoon for salad?</em></p><p>His mouth quirked in a grin. <em>Worse. I danced a Viennese instead of an English waltz.</em></p><p>
  <em>Gasp! The horror! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I also told our instructor she was married to a psychopathic bigot. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah. </em>
</p><p>New writing flashed on the two-way parchment. <em>Oi!</em></p><p>Sirius switched parchment, scribbling, <em>Look who's whinging for your attention.</em></p><p>
  <em>Rude. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oops, did I write that on the wrong parchment? Sorry, Prongs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, yeah. </em>
</p><p>Lily took the two-way parchment back and wrote, <em>Hugh propositioned me this morning. </em></p><p>
  <em>Hugh, my Keeper?!</em>
</p><p><em>Yes. Said that if I didn</em> <em>'t have a date, and you didn't have a date, that I could take him and you could take Gwen so that he and Gwen could go together.</em></p><p>
  <em>Hugh likes Gwen?</em>
</p><p><em>That</em> <em>'s your takeaway? </em></p><p><em>Yeah. Odds Gwen</em> <em>'s playing him to get me to ask her?</em></p><p>Lily turned over her shoulder and glared at him. <em>100%</em></p><p>James smirked. <em>Too bad for Hugh I'd do detention with Filch </em><em>willingly</em><em> before taking Gwen to anything. Though it was clever of him to think of that. </em></p><p>Lily tried to repress her smug smile at seeing his response.</p><p>
  <em>Clever, eh? What about Ethan Goldstein, is his asking me to ask him clever too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Smarmy git. He really asked you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes. So did Amos Diggory, practically one by one in the library </em>
</p><p>She turned and watched James frown at his parchment. <em>Also a git. But Lorraine Abbott asked me to ask her this morning too, so maybe they're commiserating together? </em></p><p>Lily had to slap a hand over her mouth to keep herself from giggling at the thought, only belatedly remembering that she needed to show sufficient annoyance at Lorraine's advances.</p><p>
  <em>What did you tell her? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well hopefully you were nicer than that, she was almost strangled a few days ago. </em>
</p><p>James gave her a patronizing look from across the classroom. <em>Evans. Of course I was nice. I told her I thought she was a really nice girl but that I had feelings for someone else and was working up the courage to ask them. </em></p><p>Lily's lips quirked. <em>A hint of vulnerability, nice touch, Potter. Did she ask who?</em></p><p>
  <em>Obviously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And did you tell her?</em>
</p><p><em>Obviously NOT. A bloke working up the courage can</em> <em>'t spill such vulnerable information as THAT.</em></p><p>Lily buried her mouth in her hand, trying to look like she was concentrating very hard on taking notes.</p><p>
  <em>As if you've ever needed to work up the courage to do anything. </em>
</p><p><em>You don</em> <em>'t know that. </em></p><p>She chanced a glance at him, eyebrows raised. He kept writing, and then new words appeared on her parchment. <em>There's breaking the law and pranking Filch, and then there's asking the girl you fancy on a second date. Very different things, Evans. </em></p><p><em>Nice try, Potter. You</em> <em>'re not "working up the courage" to ask me. </em></p><p><em>Fine, I</em> <em>'m not. Just scheming. </em></p><p>
  <em>Potter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Evans. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>How many more unsolicited offers are you going to make me endure? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Does that mean mine is solicited? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Obviously. </em>
</p><p>She glanced back and saw James bury his own smile in his hand. <em>Good, because I'm banking on you saying yes. </em></p><p>Lily was puzzled. <em>You know I will? </em></p><p><em>I</em> <em>'ll hold you to that. </em></p><p><em>So we</em> <em>'re going together? </em></p><p><em>Asking </em> <em> me </em> <em> out now, are you? </em></p><p><em>I</em> <em>'d really just like some clarity on if I should have said yes to Hugh, Ethan, or Amos? </em></p><p>
  <em>Rude. Working up my courage, remember? </em>
</p><p><em>Fine. Don</em> <em>'t make me show up to this thing stag, Potter. </em></p><p>He stared at the parchment a moment, a strange look on his face, and then he scrawled back, <em>Not a chance, Evans. </em></p><p>Sirius, who had actually resorted to taking real notes during all of this, scrawled on their shared piece of scrap parchment, <em>And he's really not your boyfriend?</em></p><p>
  <em>Shut it, S.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>He made her wait until Tuesday. Through breakfast, where they all grumbled sleepily after staying up far too late playing an intense Exploding Snap tournament after they deliriously polished off the essays they'd be turning in that day. Through Transfiguration, where James got stuck as a bleating goat for forty minutes because Sirius, in his drowsiness, messed up the incantation and even McGonagall couldn't get it reversed at first. Through Charms, where Lily earned Flitwick's "prize" of a chocolate frog by using her Gouging Charm to get to the center of the rock wall the quickest. Through lunch, where Marlene filled them in on the current status of who-had-asked-who since that morning's update, though where she got her information was a mystery Lily wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to. Through Ancient Runes, when Lily sadly had to tell James she couldn't pass notes because she actually had to concentrate, but when she did get to ask Edgar about his date, which sent him blushing and smiling like Lily'd never seen him. Through an afternoon of working on her Potions assignment for the next morning with Dahlia (who was also smiling and blushing like Lily'd never seen her) in the common room, their partners being useless for being occupied with an obsessive discussion of Quidditch strategy. And through dinner, where Marlene supplied another update of who-had-asked-who since lunch, and her and Mary set to planning the common room's Halloween bash with Peter and Remus, as none of them had received invites to Slughorn's (it seemed to be a rather exclusive affair).</p><p>As dinner ended and students mingled, she resignedly accepted that it was not going to be the day, and that she in all likelihood would have to turn down more boys tomorrow. Rather full from stuffing herself with roast and potatoes as she listened to Mary and Marlene party plan, Lily got up slowly, walking alongside her friends with the wave of students heading into the main hall, where there was a dizzying array of people criss-crossing the room, heading toward the staircase, wandering toward the dungeons, mingling in the middle. Mary broke away from her with a wave to follow her teammates toward the front door, off to their regular practice.</p><p>And just then, she heard it, coming from across the hall: "Oi, Evans!"</p><p>Oh, that <em>prat</em>. She hadn't heard that shout since fifth year, but there had been a time when she'd heard it incessantly, most often for something random, but also for that other thing he used to do all the time, that game between them they used to have.</p><p>She made him wait a couple seconds, then turned and gave him the most fifth-year look she could muster, using every ounce of her willpower to stop herself from grinning as she bellowed back, "<em>What</em>, Potter?"</p><p>He was standing near the door, broom over his shoulder, like he had just remembered something he wanted to say on his way out. Even from across the hall, she could see that crinkle-eyed grin on his face, and her heart suddenly started to race as she braced for what was coming.</p><p>"Will you go to Sluggy's Halloween Party with me?"</p><p>She could have heard a pin drop; the entire hall was now looking at her.</p><p>"What're you going as, an overstuffed Quaffle?"</p><p>Lily heard scattered laughter, saw Sirius clutching his stomach as his shoulders shook. James just grinned and shrugged as he shouted, "I mean, I was thinking more Godric and Guinevere, but…"</p><p>Lily shook her head in slow disbelief. The adorable, sappy, obnoxious <em>prat</em>. "It'll only be a convincing Godric costume if you charm your hair red, you know. Maybe grow a beard by Friday?"</p><p>More laughter rang through the hall this time as more onlookers gathered.</p><p>James didn't miss a beat. "I'll do it if you're my Guinevere. Might have to charm the beard, though."</p><p>Lily was giggling along with everyone else, unable to control herself. "We'll make a man outta you yet, Potter."</p><p>More laughter followed at that. He just grinned. "Is that a yes?"</p><p>She made him wait, though she knew her smile gave her away. The crowd of onlookers was too engaged; it was honestly pathetic.</p><p>Finally, "Yeah, Potter. That's a yes."</p><p>There was some startled cheering and applause, aided largely by Sirius' whistling, and James flashed her another grin as he turned to head off to practice with his teammates.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Lily practically floated through her Ancient Runes study group in the library that evening, not caring in the slightest that she probably appeared ditzier than Pandora on a good day, because James had finally asked her to Slughorn's damn party after making her wait three whole days after their first real date, they were going as the most Gryffindor couple there ever was, and, as if she even needed another reason, that cemented it entirely.</p><p>She was going to make James Potter her boyfriend. On Friday, while being the Guinevere to his Godric. Yes, yes, much besotted, exceedingly gross, wildly pathetic, all of those things. She didn't care. How could she, when he flashed her that crinkle-eyed grin and his hair was messy in that adorable way it always was and he was somehow goofy and charming all at the same time? When he made her laugh until she had tears streaming down her face and snot running out her nose? When he held her and wiped away real tears and let her wipe her snotty nose on his shirt and took care of her when she was at her most vulnerable, her most weak? When he caressed her with strong hands and long fingers and firm lips and made her body sing like no one else ever had—</p><p>She couldn't think about that just then. Not the time, nor the place. Ancient Runes.</p><p>Ancient Runes, Ancient Runes, Ancient Runes.</p><p>It sort of worked.</p><p>Lily was just leaving the library, only vaguely listening to Edgar, Aiko and Garrytt talking about Quidditch, as Ravenclaw's match against Slytherins was fast approaching, when she heard a commotion of footsteps and a loud swear that sounded suspiciously like Sirius Black. They all froze and shared a curious look, and then hurried down the corridor until they reached the turn that led to the Grand Staircase.</p><p>A small cry escaped her as she processed what she saw: Sirius and Mary, pausing to catch their breath at the top of the stairs, with a very bloody and pale James between them, his arms looped limply around his friends' shoulders.</p><p>Lily didn't even think; she just ran to them. "James! Fuck, what—"</p><p>"Snape," Sirius grunted. "After practice."</p><p>She didn't realize Edgar had followed her until she heard his voice quietly behind her saying, "Looks like what Dolohov did me in with."</p><p>Mary broke in, saying, "Yeah, I think so. I was able to slow the bleeding, but he's still lost a lot—"</p><p>Edgar sounded far calmer than Lily felt as he said, "Pomfrey will fix him up. Here, watch out, Lil, we'll get his feet."</p><p>Lily numbly stepped aside, not wanting to look away from James, who appeared to be at the very edge of consciousness, but then they were all moving again, and Lily realized that Edgar and Garrytt had picked up James under his legs, easing the weight Sirius and Mary had been supporting.</p><p><em>Sectumsempra</em>. It had to be. It was turning into the Slytherin's signature curse, and Lily's stomach churned as she remembered watching Edgar be ripped to shreds in class so many weeks ago, and then thought about that same thing happening to James. How had it even happened? How had Severus gotten that close, gotten James off his guard?</p><p>She walked briskly alongside Mary, trying to assess the damage, but James's torso was so bloodied and matted she couldn't make sense of where the slashes even were.</p><p>Mary said softly, "Stay awake, James. We're almost there."</p><p>Lily reached up and awkwardly laced her fingers through his where they dangled over Mary's shoulder.</p><p>James's voice was a hoarse grunt as he asked, "Lil?"</p><p>Lily squeezed his hand. "Yeah, I'm here."</p><p>She thought her heart might burst when she felt him give her the faintest of squeezes back.</p><p>They made it up to the Hospital Wing in an awkward shuffle, and Madame Pomfrey was furious when she saw James and realized he had been hit with "that awful curse" at the hand of another student. Once James was laid on a bed, Madame Pomfrey shooed them all back so she could get a closer look at him while Mary recited the spells she had already used to slow his bleeding and described where she thought the worst slashes were.</p><p>"Very good, Miss Macdonald," Madame Pomfrey told her as she whisked a small vial from one of her many apron pockets. "Drink up, Potter, just a little Calming Draught to see you through the next few minutes, I dare say they'll be some of your worst, even after all your other incidents over the years."</p><p>James managed a weak smile as he swallowed the potion. "Reassuring."</p><p>Madame Pomfrey smiled ruefully as she said, "Yes, well, some people like to be lied to, some like to be forewarned. I daresay you've always been the latter."</p><p>And she peeled back a section of his robes near his collarbone, causing James to hiss and groan as the motion tugged at raw skin.</p><p>Sirius blanched and turned away, pacing down the aisle of beds as Mary watched him, eyes furrowed in concern.</p><p>"Yes, I thought so," Madam Pomfrey muttered. Then she turned to the group and said, "I'll need one person to help—Mr. Bones, you remember how this goes—but the rest of you will wait outside."</p><p>Edgar and Garrytt paled, no doubt remembering, as Lily was, what Edgar had described of how James had helped him, and Aiko, whom Lily hadn't realized came along, looked similarly wary at the sight of James bloodied and pale on the hospital bed.</p><p>"I'll do it," Lily said firmly, dropping her bag to the floor and rolling up her shirtsleeves.</p><p>Mary squeezed her shoulder briefly. "I'll wait outside with Sirius."</p><p>Lily nodded, and then with a final shoo from Madame Pomfrey, they all turned and headed for the door, sending reluctant glances back toward Lily as they went.</p><p>"Alright," Madame Pomfrey said, assembling a line of bottles on a rolling cart next to her. "This shirt's a goner, so I'm just going to vanish it, and then I daresay you remember what happens next, Potter."</p><p>He gave a stiff nod, his throat bobbing as he swallowed heavily, and Lily squeezed his hand. With a wave of Madame Pomfrey's wand, James's shirt disappeared, and Lily slapped a hand to her mouth in horror as she gasped at the sight that met her eyes: his chest looked <em>shredded</em>, like Severus had brandished the curse back and forth over the same area, and if it weren't for Mary's quick spellwork to slow the bleeding, Lily had no doubt he would have bled out on his way to the castle.</p><p>Madame Pomfrey tutted, mumbling something suspiciously like, "When Dumbledore hears of this…"</p><p>But then she was stuffing a towel in James's mouth, instructing Lily to hold his hands out of the way, and saying, "Here comes the worst, Potter."</p><p>Lily had barely had time to grab his hands, holding them up by his head as she leaned over his face, focusing on the hair matted with sweat, the furrow in his brow, his eyes squinted shut behind his glasses, the flecks of blood mingling with dried sweat on his cheeks—anything except whatever Madame Pomfrey was doing behind her that was making James scream into the towel shoved in his mouth, making him grip Lily's hands so tight she thought he might actually break her bones, and she fleetingly thought that if he did break her fingers, she'd at least have an excuse to stay the night in the Hospital Wing beside him—</p><p>"It's okay," she said quietly to him, ducking her mouth near his ear as she felt him writhing beneath her while Madam Pomfrey cleaned his open wounds, her own muscles straining at the effort of holding his hands and arms back. "Breathe, James. I got you. Breathe through it."</p><p>Tears pricked the back of her eyes at the sight of him in so much pain, but she refused to let herself cry. He was fine. She'd seen Madam Pomfrey bring Edgar to a full recovery, and she knew the same awaited James. Still, the noises coming out of him, the twist of pain on his face that she'd never before seen, sent her gut wrenching, her limbs shaking.</p><p>"Just a little longer," she told him. "You're almost there. Breathe, come on."</p><p>It struck her once the words were already out of her mouth that it sounded bizarrely similar to how she had coaxed him on <em>other</em> occasions, and she thought he picked up on it by how his eyes fluttered open, seeking hers, before another muffled scream overtook him.</p><p>But then, just as quickly as it had started, it was all over, and Madam Pomfrey was waving her wand over James slowly and methodically. It reminded Lily of how James had knitted her skin back together that afternoon in the Prefects' Bathroom, only James's wounds were far deeper and there were a lot more of them; Lily was sure Madam Pomfrey was knitting back together more than just skin as she worked, building back the layers <em>Sectumsempra</em> had cut through.</p><p>James was breathing more slowly and deeply now that the worst was over, and Lily pulled away from him, moving to let go of his hands, but he only let her release one, bringing a hand to run through his hair as he kept holding tightly to her other one. They both watched Madam Pomfrey work in fascination, as the top layers of his skin now knitted together like nothing had happened, and then with a final wave of her wand, she vanished the blood that remained and conjured a simple t-shirt.</p><p>There was a creak of a door, and Lily turned to see Mary looking tentatively inside and then, taking in the calmness of the scene, opening the door wider to come in with Sirius.</p><p>"Looking good as new, Jamesie," Mary said lightly.</p><p>James let go of Lily's hand to briefly clasp Sirius's as he said back, "Of course I am, I've been through worse."</p><p>Sirius shook his head slowly. "I know you have, mate, but that was fucking scary."</p><p>"Language," Madam Pomfrey said distractedly, fussing with smaller bottles of potion on her tray. Sirius just rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Thanks for waiting," James said. "Should only be a few more minutes."</p><p>Madam Pomfrey scoffed as she turned to him, hand outstretched with a glass of potion. "Hardly. You're staying the night, Potter."</p><p>"<em>What</em>? But I'm fine! You just put me back together!"</p><p>Madam Pomfrey nodded toward the glass. "Blood Replenishing Potion. This'll take several hours for full effect with all the blood you lost. And then a Sleeping Draught, because you need <em>rest</em>."</p><p>James drank the Blood Replenishing Potion with a grimace, but then persisted, "I can go back to my room and sleep—"</p><p>"<em>No</em>, Potter. I just sewed organs and repaired blood vessels, you are staying <em>here</em> under my sight while you give your body a full night's rest."</p><p>Lily's stomach lurched at Madam Pomfrey's words. She'd suspected his wounds had been deep, but hearing it and seeing the looks on Mary and Sirius's faces made the danger of the whole situation suddenly far more real.</p><p>As she turned back to look at James, she found his eyes already on hers, and something she saw there made her stomach flutter, her knees weak, her mind race. He was hers, and she'd almost lost him. He was hers, and she'd just helped him through one of the most excruciating things he'd ever endured. They'd lived it together. And something about that, about being on the other side of his hands crushing hers and sweat beading on his brow and his screams of pain muffled in the towel just under her face, made her realize more strongly than she ever had before what she'd been thinking about since their date in Hogsmeade: she was <em>his</em>.</p><p>She felt bound to him; drawn to him. And even more than that, for possibly the first time, she realized how much she <em>cared</em> about him. Of course she'd liked him, been attracted to him, felt like she was falling in love with him, admired him—but now, for the first time, she had <em>worried</em> for him. For his well-being; for his safety. Because she didn't want him to be hurt, because she wanted to absorb his pain when he was—because she <em>cared</em>. Because he was more than just a friend, more than just a lover—he was, for all intents and purposes, her boyfriend. And Lily's heart swelled at the thought, at the deep understanding of what it meant to be in a relationship, a partnership, with another person—and of how she wanted that, felt like she <em>had</em> that, with James.</p><p>Lily said softly, "We'll see you tomorrow. Rest."</p><p>James nodded and took the offered Sleeping Draught from Madame Pomfrey, downing it all in two large gulps and then leaning back against his pillow. Within moments, he was asleep.</p><p>Lily looked over at Sirius and Mary. "You two go get cleaned up, you're still in your Quidditch things. I'm going to stay for awhile."</p><p>Madam Pomfrey cut in, saying, "Go with them, Miss Evans, it's late."</p><p>"It's alright, I'd rather stay with James."</p><p>"It's after visiting hours, dear. You've already done more than enough, he really is lucky to have a friend like you—"</p><p>"I'm his <em>girl</em>—"</p><p>Lily cut herself off, feeling the flush rising up her neck as she saw Madame Pomfrey's blank stare, Mary's arched brows, and Sirius's cheeky grin.</p><p>"You're his what, Evans?"</p><p>Lily cleared her throat. "Head Girl. I'm his Head Girl, is what I—meant to say."</p><p>Sirius chuckled. "Uh-huh."</p><p>"Well," interjected Madam Pomfrey, shooing them toward the door, "I daresay you'll have the Head Boy back to normal by the morning, now <em>out</em>, all of you."</p><p>The Hospital Wing door had barely closed when Mary asked excitedly, "Wait, are you two <em>official</em>?"</p><p>Lily shook her head with a sigh. "No, we're not. Well, not yet. I just…slipped, I guess."</p><p>Sirius elbowed her lightly. "That's quite the slip, love."</p><p>She cast him a feeble smile. "Well, he should probably be conscious when I tell him I'm ready to his girlfriend, shouldn't he?"</p><p>A grin split across Sirius's face, the happiest look Lily had seen pass his face all evening, and he reached out a hand to ruffle Lily's hair as he said, "Choose your moment wisely, because you're going to make his bloody <em>life</em>, Evans."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Adding to the list of doing things she'd never done, Lily stopped up in the boys' dorm with Sirius, retrieved James's invisibility cloak from his trunk, and then waited until the early hours of the morning to sneak out of her own dorm, making her way through dark corridors to the Hospital Wing. She passed two classrooms and another couple broom closets with trysting students—silencing charms either being forgotten or deemed unnecessary at this early hour—but she didn't stop, not caring about being Head Girl just then.</p><p>Well, except for the fact that she had a Head Boy to visit.</p><p>The Hospital Wing door unlocked with a simple <em>Alohomora</em>, and Lily cracked it open, wincing as it creaked. But Madame Pomfrey was nowhere in sight, and so Lily slipped inside, shutting the door quietly behind her and then making straight for James's bed, where the curtains were drawn.</p><p>Lily pulled back the curtain just enough to peek around and her mouth fell open. Because James was awake and, by the flash of movement and brief tent in the sheets she caught before he rolled on his side, she would bet all her Galleons he had just had his hand on himself.</p><p>He wasn't wearing his glasses, and his eyes narrowed toward the patch of air where Lily belatedly realized she was still invisible. Smirking to herself, Lily bent down so she was closer to his face before she whispered, "Can I finish that for you?"</p><p>His face split into a grin and Lily lowered the hood of the cloak, smiling back at him.</p><p>"What are you doing here?"</p><p>"Checking on you," she replied. "Though it looks like you're back to normal if you're having a wank."</p><p>James smiled sheepishly. "Sleeping Draught wore off a little bit ago, and I was bored and thinking about you. But yes, you can absolutely take over."</p><p>Lily chuckled as she let the invisibility cloak fall to the floor and quietly slid under the covers next to him, nestling under his arm and stroking light fingertips over his chest, which had been a bloody mess only hours before.</p><p>"How do you feel? Really?"</p><p>James shrugged and whispered back, "A bit sore, but otherwise normal."</p><p>Lily reached up and kissed him, squeezing where she held onto his waist, and felt James raise a hand to cup her face.</p><p>"Lil—"</p><p>"Mmm—scared me—"</p><p>He kissed her harder at that, his other hand squeezing her arm tighter where it wrapped around her.</p><p>"M'okay—"</p><p>"<em>James</em>—"</p><p>They kissed greedily, hungrily, like all their fear and adrenaline from the evening's ordeal was finally catching up to them, and Lily suddenly just <em>needed</em> him, needed to feel him in her hand, needed to make him feel the type of pleasure that would cancel out the pain, needed to finish what he'd started, and she slid her hand down, finding him hard through the joggers he still wore, and she smiled when he hissed softly at her touch.</p><p>"Lily." His whisper was soft against her lips. "Fuck, Lil, will you—"</p><p>She grasped him more firmly through his joggers. "As if you have to <em>ask</em>."</p><p>He groaned softly as he kissed her, and Lily reached lower to cup him gently, giving him a few teasing strokes and squeezes that sent his hips squirming toward her.</p><p>Pulling away slightly, Lily brought her hand to her mouth, and, seeing his eyes go wide, she licked her palm while he watched, mouth falling open, before she reached back under his waistband and took him in her grasp.</p><p>James moaned softly as she swiped her thumb over his tip, spreading the moisture at his head, and his hips rocked softly into her hand as he held her tight to him, burying one hand in her hair as he kissed her. Lily pumped him slowly, relishing the feel of his smooth length in her fingers, and her stomach fluttered as James whimpered against her mouth.</p><p>She broke their kiss to whisper, "Fuck, you feel so good."</p><p>James smiled and teased, "You wouldn't be getting addicted to this—what was it, again? A certain Quidditch Captain's <em>magical dick</em>?"</p><p>Lily gave him an extra hard tug as she muttered, "Prat," but James just bit back a groan, eyes scrunched from her tug, and whispered, "Do—do that again."</p><p>Her eyes widened in surprise and she tried to remember what exactly she had done, the precise amount of pressure, the exact twist of her wrist. She must have gotten close enough, because James hissed through his teeth, fingers digging into her skin where he held onto her.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—fuck, baby—"</p><p>Lily kissed the corner of his mouth before trailing kisses along his jaw, still working him with those twisting strokes. "Gods, I want to watch your <em>face</em>—"</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>"Tell me what you were thinking about, before I came in."</p><p>James swallowed thickly, his whisper hoarse. "Our date. You jerking me off in the alley."</p><p>Lily sighed as her own memories from that day rose to the forefront of her mind. "Fuck," she breathed. "That was so <em>hot</em>."</p><p>"I know," he breathed back. "It's what I've been thinking about when I get off to you."</p><p>Lily smiled against his mouth. "When do you get off to me?"</p><p>James chuckled as he nuzzled her cheek. "In the shower in the morning, and then in my bed at night."</p><p>Her whole body felt like it was suddenly made of butterflies. "That randy for me, hmm?"</p><p>"You have no—fucking—idea."</p><p>She thought she might melt—or maybe combust—from the overwhelming attraction she felt for him just then. She'd never thought about a boy getting off to her like that, let alone wanting her as much as he obviously did, and something about the way he was so secure in it, so unabashedly <em>sexual</em> for her, made her more aroused than she'd ever thought it possible to be.</p><p>"Lily, <em>fuck</em>—faster—<em>that</em>—that'll get me—"</p><p>He was thrusting into her hand, burying his face in her neck as Lily leaned over him, tugging and working him with slippery strokes—</p><p>"<em>Lil</em>—"</p><p>She smiled, closing her eyes as she thought about how <em>good</em> he felt in her hand, but then her mind began to drift to that new thought: to how much she <em>cared</em> about him, how she wanted <em>him</em> to feel good just as much as she wanted to be the reason he did—</p><p>"Yeah, babe—come on—I want to feel you."</p><p>Their faces hovered by each other, noses nuzzling as James bit back groans and pressed his hips toward hers. "Right there," he whispered hoarsely. "Fuck, Lil—there, like that—<em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>Lily smiled as she felt him tense and thicken in her hand, and she brought her grip higher, working him in slick, shallow strokes around his head. "Come for me—<em>James</em>—"</p><p>She saw his eyes scrunch just before he ducked his head into her neck with a muffled whimper, and at the next stroke of her hand, as her palm closed around his head, she felt a rush of warmth against her skin.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, babe," she whispered into his ear, squeezing him gently as he rocked his hips into her hand, his release spilling through her fingers. "Fuck, you're so hot when you come."</p><p>James chuckled quietly, pulling his face from her neck to kiss her softly. "You make me a moaning <em>mess</em>, Evans."</p><p>Lily kept her hold on him as she kissed him back. "And it's the hottest thing I've ever fucking <em>seen</em>, Potter."</p><p>James brushed stray strands back from her face as he studied her in the dark, and when he spoke his voice was lower, more serious. "Thank you. For earlier."</p><p>"James, you don't have to—"</p><p>"You were there for me."</p><p>Lily faltered, her stomach fluttering. "Of course I was. I <em>am</em>—there for you."</p><p>The way he smiled just then made her heart ache. After giving her a sweet kiss, he turned to reach around the curtain for his wand on the bedside table, and then he helped her clean up before putting his wand back and gathering her in his arms. Lily nuzzled into his chest, reveling in his warmth, his solid muscles, his firm embrace, the steady beat of his heart. She felt him press lips into her hair, stroke fingers lightly over her back. Was this when she should tell him? Did she abandon her plan, her idea, for this unexpected moment?</p><p>If she'd thought about it any longer, she might've done, but just then, James bent toward her ear and murmured, "Can it be your turn now?"</p><p>She tilted her head up towards his, reached for his face. "Please."</p><p>She'd been worked up for him since she'd set off for the Hospital Wing, just needing to touch him, be near him, after what they'd gone through that night, but she had been so focused on him that it was only when he asked that she realized just how much she wanted his fingers.</p><p>His fingertips were soft but deliberate in the way they went straight up her thigh, under her knickers, and Lily gasped as he pushed fingers inside her, circled fingers outside her. She let herself relax in his arms, mould against his body, her face nuzzled in his chest as he stroked her with sure, soft touches.</p><p>"Lily," he breathed in her ear. "Fuck, you were amazing today. I want to show you how amazing you are—make you feel as good you just made me feel—fuck, Lily, you make me feel so fucking <em>lucky</em>—"</p><p>It was her turn to whimper into his chest as he curled his fingers and rubbed slow circles around her most sensitive spot, her turn to have hips squirming toward his hand, her turn to gasp as he increased his pace, stroking that spot she needed.</p><p>"<em>James</em>—"</p><p>"I got you, Lil."</p><p>She knew he did, and maybe that was why she felt it was easier than ever to relax into him, to feel completely at ease under his hand, to not have any lingering doubts that she wouldn't be able to come—because she knew she <em>would</em>. She knew James would get her there. She knew he knew how to touch her, how to build her up and then give her what she needed to go over the edge. And so she relaxed, and she let him.</p><p>Lily had no idea how much time was passing, was completely engrossed in the building pressure beneath James's fingers, only knew her hips rocking toward his hand and her own hands pressed into the hot skin of his back and James's other hand firm at her head, holding her against his chest as his lips pressed into her hair and murmured little nothings, both dirty and sweet.</p><p>And then she was cracking, shuddering as pleasure broke over her, and James murmured, "Yes, baby, fuck yes, come for me," as he stroked her through her spasms. When she was done, he held her tight against him, lips pressed into her hair, and that new thought rang through her whole being: she was his. Without question. And no matter how strange it seemed, how much it scared her, how fast it felt like everything had changed, she knew more than ever it was true. She was his. And she needed it to be Friday so she could tell him.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lily curled against him, her hands up his shirt, her head tucked in his shoulder, and James twisted a strand of her blood-red hair around his fingers, wanting more than anything to bottle up this moment, this <em>feeling</em>—like they were more together than before, like he finally understood that she really, truly <em>cared</em>. She had stayed with him the same way he'd once stayed with Edgar Bones, helping him endure the excruciating pain of cleaning and healing his wounds. And then she had come <em>back</em>. She had gotten his invisibility cloak from his room (helped by Sirius, he didn't doubt), snuck through the castle in the deep hours of the morning just to see him, and fooled around with him in his hospital bed.</p><p>Which was, he realized vaguely, the first time he'd ever done that. Lily seemed to be getting a lot of firsts out of him, and he rather liked that. Just like he rather liked her snuggled against him, sated by his hand, and staying because she just wanted to be with him. It all made him think he might be rather close to earning that boyfriend title after all, and he found that the thought didn't seem as momentous, as staggering, as it had once been; it felt natural, what he had developed with Lily. Like making it official would be doing just that—putting a label on what already <em>was</em>, as opposed to putting on titles like they were shoes they still had to fill. Was that what Lily had been thinking about, when she'd said she wasn't ready? Is this what <em>ready</em> felt like? Feeling like you were already there?</p><p>He was pulled from his thoughts by Lily pushing up off his chest and looking at him evenly. "What happened with Severus?"</p><p>James sighed. He had expected this conversation would be coming. "I was heading back from the pitch and I saw him by the Forest. He just looked…suspicious. Like he was waiting for someone, or just…up to something."</p><p>Lily arched her brows. "So you followed him?"</p><p>He shrugged. "Didn't even have to do that, really. I just watched him for a few minutes. He was kind of pacing around. He didn't notice me for awhile, but when he did, he freaked out. We had some words, obviously. I honestly had meant to just keep walking, I was tired from practice and not in the mood for him, so I said some stuff about being a slime ball worshipping a mass murderer—"</p><p>"And you didn't think that would trigger him?"</p><p>James sighed again. "I've said that kind of stuff to Snape for years. It ruffles his feathers, but it doesn't send him trying to kill me."</p><p>"So what does?"</p><p>James stared at her. "You."</p><p>Lily's throat bobbed as she swallowed.</p><p>"He brought up me and you," James went on, "and I might've, you know—gotten a little territorial for you."</p><p>She gave him a rueful smile. "I wouldn't expect anything less, Potter."</p><p>James squeezed her shoulder. "I wasn't holding my wand, it was still in my inside pocket from practice. So after I said something to the effect of, <em>we're kind of together and you can fuck off</em>, he unleashed his slashing curse, and I couldn't get to my wand fast enough. Thankfully Sirius and Mac heard me yell and got there soon after that."</p><p>Lily reached up and stroked his cheek. "I'm sorry that happened," she said quietly. "He's…not who I used to know. And I wish he wasn't like that, and I wish you two didn't hate each other like this, because I worry enough about myself, I don't want to be worrying that he's going to try to kill you too—"</p><p>"Hey." James brought a hand to her face, mirroring her stance. "You don't need to worry about me. I'm not the one Snape's working on a plot about." Lily looked down at that, and James stroked his thumb along her cheek. "I think it was a heat of the moment thing for him. He's not over the greenhouse, and I triggered him. But he wouldn't do that in school. Or probably any other time when I had my wand, honestly."</p><p>Lily frowned at him. "You talk like you know him."</p><p>James gave her a pointed look. "I <em>do</em>, Lil. In <em>my</em> way. Snape's been my archenemy since first year. We've been at odds as long as we've known each other. And maybe you never really saw or realized, but he's started it just as often as I have, it's just that he only does it when there's not a crowd. He likes to play the victim card. I mean, he always did with you. But he's a <em>git</em>, Lily. A slimy, manipulative, and dangerous git. You can't trust him for <em>anything</em>."</p><p>Lily chewed her lip for a moment. "He lied to Dolohov. About where I was, remember? We heard him in their common room."</p><p>James shook his head. "To save his own neck, Evans. I'd bet anything Snape didn't tell anyone about seeing us, so instead of calling it off like he agreed, he just took over tailing you, or at least he pretended to. Maybe he really did stop altogether, maybe he didn't, we don't know."</p><p>He could tell that part of her was still unconvinced, like she was still searching for the best in him, even though she had every reason to know it wasn't there; it was a part of her that he was coming to find equally admirable and frustrating, because Snape didn't deserve a second of her sympathy, and he wished she'd see that.</p><p>"He told me he'd protect me from the inside. That he'd never let anything happen to me."</p><p>James tilted her head up, ran his thumb along her face. "No one can promise that, Lil, so don't even <em>think</em> about believing him. He will <em>always</em> choose himself over you. It's who he <em>is</em>. It's what makes him a Slytherin and you a Gryffindor."</p><p>He thought her eyes might have looked a little watery, but it was hard to tell in the dark, so he did the only other thing he wanted to do and kissed her. Just a soft press of lips, something sweet. Something to remind her of what he hadn't said: that he <em>would</em> choose her. Every time.</p><p>Lights suddenly popped up in Madam Pomfrey's office, their glow soft through the bed curtains, and Lily swore under her breath as she slid from his bed and swept the cloak around her shoulders in one smooth movement. He already missed her warmth, her curves pressed against his body—fuck, what he wouldn't give to have an entire day just alone in a bed with Lily Evans.</p><p>She gave him a small sort of smile that made him wonder if she was still upset by their discussion of Snape, and then she whispered, "See you later," pulled the cloak over her head, and disappeared. The light click of the door a few moments later told him she was gone.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Madam Pomfrey let him go after giving him a thorough morning check-up, and he barely had time to grab a couple pieces of toast from the Great Hall before jogging down to Potions, where everyone was still arriving and finding their seats.</p><p>"Hey, Potter!" He turned to see Edgar coming up to him. "Looking good as new!"</p><p>James chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, Poppy's a miracle worker. But thank you, for everything."</p><p>Edgar patted him on his shoulder and shook his head. "No need. You do the same."</p><p>And then Edgar did something new, and moved past James to say, "Hey, Dahlia."</p><p>James turned over his shoulder and saw Dahlia beaming up at him. "Morning, Eddie."</p><p>Just then, Garrytt passed by with Aiko on his way to his table, and James called softly, "Hey, Ollivander."</p><p>They both stopped and turned around, Garrytt looking surprised.</p><p>"Thank you," James told him. "I don't remember much, but I know you helped, and—thank you."</p><p>They took the measure of each other for a moment, and then Garrytt nodded. "Don't mention it."</p><p>A hand on his arm pulled his attention away, and he saw Mary smiling up at him just before she looped her arms tight around his neck and murmured, "Gave us quite a scare there, Jamesie."</p><p>James hugged her back and muttered, "I know, I'm fucking lucky you both were there."</p><p>"Very lucky," she agreed, and then she pulled back to head toward her table while Sirius pulled him into a side-hug and ruffled his hair. Lily passed by with a wink, and James didn't miss the look on Snape's face as he glared sullenly from across the room.</p><p>Slughorn swept inside and set the instructions writing themselves across the blackboard with a wave of his wand, and before long, they were all focused on brewing Wound-Cleaning Potion, the effects of which he now understood all too well, and which also promised to be difficult, as it contained 42 ingredients.</p><p>James sat at his table, shelling cooled fire seeds as Dahlia chopped an assortment of herbs.</p><p>"So," he said quietly with a sideways smile. "You looked like you were having fun on Saturday."</p><p>She blushed as she smiled back at him. "Creep. But yes, I was."</p><p>James laughed softly. "We saw you guys when we were walking by."</p><p>"How was yours? I mean, I assumed fabulous, since Lily hasn't stopped smiling."</p><p>He somehow managed to grin even wider. "Yeah, it was perfect."</p><p>Dahlia stopped chopping for a moment and looked at him curiously. "Would it be weird if we doubled sometime?"</p><p>James shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so. They're friends, Eddie's a great guy…"</p><p>Dahlia's eyes twinkled, but she didn't say anything.</p><p>James lowered his voice. "How'd you two happen, anyway?"</p><p>Dahlia shrugged and replied quietly, "He heard me having a sing one evening. I was in one of the classrooms by the library, and I had forgotten to silence the door. When he came in, I thought he was going to dock points or something, since I hadn't realized it was after curfew, but he just—asked if he could walk me back to Gryffindor Tower. And we sort of started talking after that, just in the library sometimes, you know. We went for a walk together on the first Hogsmeade Saturday, but this past weekend was our first, I don't know, <em>date</em>."</p><p>James chuckled. "We never really did that, did we?"</p><p>Dahlia laughed back. "We didn't <em>want</em> to."</p><p>"Accurate."</p><p>She was quiet a moment, and then she said, "He thinks highly of you. Eddie."</p><p>James looked up at her curiously. "He does?"</p><p>She nodded and looked slightly bashful as she said, "Yeah. I've told him a little about us. What I went through with Bertram, how you were there for me. How we…weren't really <em>normal</em>, per se, but why it worked last year. I think he'd heard rumors about you, or about us, and wasn't really sure what he thought about the idea of you getting with Lily, but—I, well, <em>explained</em> a little bit, and he really respected you after that."</p><p>James smiled softly at her. "Thanks, Dahl."</p><p>She just shrugged and said nonchalantly, "You're a great guy too, James. Any new bloke in my life has to respect you, and our friendship, if it's going to work with me and him."</p><p>He felt oddly touched, and realized that if he thought about it, he felt the same—only he hadn't put it in those words before, or maybe hadn't even needed to, because the new girl in his life had been Lily, whom he had known—or taken for granted?—would respect Dahlia and their friendship.</p><p>Looking up, he caught her already looking at him, and she bit her lip as she smiled at him, her cheeks going slightly pink. James grinned back. Fuck, he loved that girl.</p><p>Potions passed slowly as they slogged through the process of preparing 42 ingredients, and most people were barely getting started in earnest when the bell rang for lunch. The Great Hall had an excitement about it, as the Halloween decorations had gone up overnight and the giant pumpkins and cackling jack-o-lanterns and swarms of live bats created an atmosphere of <em>weekend</em> and <em>party</em> that had all the students on the edge of their seat.</p><p>After lunch, James headed down to the greenhouses with his friends, waving off Lily as she turned to go back upstairs, and nearly snipped Peter's finger while pruning his fire seed bush, as he'd been replaying the early hours of that morning over and over in his mind ever since Lily getting up from the Gryffindor table had exposed a flash of thigh that he desperately wanted his mouth on.</p><p>A while later, freshened up from Herbology, James slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way through the portrait hole, intent on heading to his office to see Lily, when a young student he didn't know came up to him bashfully, holding out a piece of parchment.</p><p>"Hey, thanks." He took the parchment and the girl scampered off.</p><p>Unfolding the note, he saw Dumbledore's handwriting. <em>Come to my office, please</em>.</p><p>Blowing air from his cheeks, he set off for his new destination, assuming this had to be about Snape.</p><p>He was right.</p><p>"I spoke with Madam Pomfrey this morning," the headmaster opened with as James sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. "She relayed the seriousness of your injuries."</p><p>James nodded. "I'm lucky Sirius and Mac were there. I don't remember much after I started losing blood."</p><p>Dumbledore's voice was grave. "James, I hope you understand that I must ask you who cast that curse."</p><p>James sighed. "Yeah, I do. It was Snape."</p><p>Dumbledore's frowned. "Were you dueling?"</p><p>"No," James said firmly. "I was on my way back from practice when I saw him, and we just—we had some words."</p><p>Dumbledore was sitting back in his chair, fingers steepled beneath his chin. "I see."</p><p>"I couldn't get to my wand fast enough. It was still in my pocket from practice."</p><p>Dumbledore gazed at him thoughtfully. "I did wonder how you came to be undefended. I hope you take it as a compliment when I say that I was surprised to hear you'd been hit that badly."</p><p>James nodded but didn't say anything, not sure what all Dumbledore was wanting. Now that he was sitting in the headmaster's office, a night's sleep removed from the whole ordeal, he felt rather stupid about how it had all played out.</p><p>Dumbledore shifted forward, folding his hands on his desk, and James thought his face looked kind. "James, I hope we may speak freely with one another."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>The old man's eyes twinkled. "So I hope <em>you</em> feel that you can speak freely to <em>me</em>."</p><p>James wasn't sure he followed. "Sir?"</p><p>Dumbledore prompted him, "I don't think Mr. Snape would cast such a curse out of mere annoyance from not getting along with somebody, do you?"</p><p>James sighed as he shook his head, slouching back in his own chair. "No, he wouldn't."</p><p>"And your mother mentioned you'd overheard some information that troubled you, information about Miss Evans?"</p><p>"Yeah, I did."</p><p>"At our first meeting this term, I believe I asked you and Miss Evans to report to me anything you might hear or find out about students we suspect are affiliated with Lord Voldemort's movements."</p><p>It wasn't a question, but James answered anyway, saying quietly, "Yeah, you did," as his stomach twisted uncomfortably.</p><p>Dumbledore didn't sound angry, just curious, as he asked, "Can I ask why you haven't come to me about any of this?"</p><p>James shrugged, looking at his hands. Somehow, Dumbledore always made him feel more like a child than any other adult ever had, though he wasn't even sure it was intentional.</p><p>"I guess…what I know, I found out from, well, not exactly from overhearing a conversation in the hallway. I thought you might be…disappointed. If you knew."</p><p>"Why would think I'd be disappointed?"</p><p>James looked up at him, feeling like he was being put through a test that he had no idea if he was passing or not. "Because I was probably abusing my power to do it."</p><p>The corner of Dumbledore's mouth quirked. "What exactly have you done?"</p><p>James cleared his throat. "Well, um, I've…eavesdropped. Multiple times. Staked out groups of Slytherins, snuck in places where I knew they were."</p><p>"And why did you decide to do that?"</p><p>"Because they're up to something. I mean, they talk about—<em>murdering</em> people. And they have some plot that involves Lily, they've been tailing her all term, and—"</p><p>He cut off, seeing Dumbledore's mouth now definitely turned up in a smile on one side.</p><p>"And do <em>you</em> think that you have abused your power as Head Boy by doing such things?"</p><p>"Well, no," James answered automatically, "it's been dead useful, to be honest."</p><p>A full smile spread over Dumbledore's face. "Yes, I dare say I thought it would be, too."</p><p>Comprehension dawned on James. "Wait, you—you expected—you <em>wanted—</em>"</p><p>Dumbledore nodded. "I expected this year to be troublesome with the crowd of students following Voldemort, and I also assumed, from what I know about you, that you would behave exactly as you have done. Stopping at nothing to get to the truth. Using the perks of your position to protect the people you care about. Is it an abuse of power if it is for the greater good? Does the answer to that question depend on what the <em>greater good</em> in question is? These are queries I've thought about many times throughout my life, and never so much as now. But I think, given the gravity of the dangers we're living in, that your actions have been entirely justified, and I am not disappointed in the slightest. I'm actually rather pleased."</p><p>James gaped at him for a moment, still processing the direction this conversation had gone, when he remembered something from the Slytherin common room. "Dolohov called me your eyes and ears."</p><p>Dumbledore's mouth quirked again. "I certainly hoped you would be. Is he right?"</p><p>A surge of pride hit him then, a deeper understanding of what exactly Dumbledore meant for him to do, of why Dumbledore had picked him—not just to be Head Boy, but to be his aide—his spy?—in the larger fight against Voldemort. And suddenly, he felt every bit the adult that he was; Dumbledore <em>trusted</em> him, was <em>relying</em> on him, to carry this very real responsibility—because he knew James could do it. Hell, because he knew James would do it anyway, even if Dumbledore hadn't asked.</p><p>James sat up straighter, holding Dumbledore's gaze as he said, "Yeah, he is."</p><p>Dumbledore smiled again. "Wonderful. Let's start over at the beginning, shall we? Tell me about your encounter with Mr. Snape."</p><p>With a deep breath, James started, but he went further back, relating the relevant pieces of information he'd overheard from Dolohov and Drucilla, then the Slytherins in the Astronomy Tower, then the Slytherins in their common room, and ending with his confrontation with Snape outside. Dumbledore appeared to mull it all over for a moment.</p><p>"James, forgive me—I feel as though I'm still missing a thread of the story."</p><p>James swallowed hard. He'd left out the greenhouse and the part of his conversation with Snape about it. But then he remembered that McGonagall had told Dumbledore about him and Lily getting caught in the library, and really, he supposed she was rather central to the whole thing.</p><p>"Er, I suppose so, yeah." He ran a hand through his hair, looking out the window a moment, and then looked back at Dumbledore as he said, "Lily. Lily's what I left out. We're sort of, um—"</p><p>Dumbledore waved a hand. "You are hardly the first pair of head students to have a romantic relationship, and you won't be the last. I trust you both to remain professional."</p><p>James nodded, feeling a strange relief, like he hadn't realized until that moment just how nervous he'd been to know what Dumbledore thought about his chosen student leaders being more than platonic on the job.</p><p>"Thank you, sir. We will."</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head. "But this relates to…?"</p><p>"Snape, yeah. Snape and Lily used to be friends. They knew each other before Hogwarts. Snape and I have never gotten along, obviously. And I think their friendship fell apart over the past year or so, or at least for her it did. I think he's still tried to talk to her. I overheard them once, he was trying to convince her to join their side, she put him in his place about it. She was <em>really</em> upset when she found out about his involvement in this…<em>plan</em>. But anyway, he hates me, and he sort of…saw us together"—Dumbledore's face betrayed nothing, thank Merlin—"and it didn't, erm, go over very well."</p><p>James's mind flashed back to that night, going from being on his knees with Lily's leg hooked over his shoulder while she orgasmed against his mouth, to blasting apart the contents of the greenhouse in his duel with Snape and then holding Snape by the neck. Belatedly, he hoped Dumbledore couldn't actually read minds like people said he did, but if he could…well, it was too late now.</p><p>"I see. So your conversation outside…"</p><p>"Became about Lily, yeah."</p><p>Dumbledore looked out his window thoughtfully for a moment. "Curious. I wonder where his true loyalty lies."</p><p>James stared at Dumbledore blankly. "With…Voldemort?"</p><p>Dumbledore's brow furrowed, but he merely said, "Perhaps. Love, especially <em>obsessive</em> love, is often a stronger motivator than any bribe, any promise."</p><p>James didn't say anything to that, feeling rather revolted at the thought of <em>Snape</em> and <em>love</em> in the same sentence, especially in the context of Lily.</p><p>Dumbledore snapped from his reverie, turning back to James. "I don't think I need to impress upon you the importance of staying close to Miss Evans."</p><p>"No, I'll look out for her."</p><p>"Good. And you'll keep me informed of anything else you may learn?"</p><p>James nodded. "Yes, sir, I will."</p><p>"Thank you, James. You may go."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Unexpected and sort of strange meeting with Dumbledore completed, James met up with his friends at dinner, where they passed an amiable time hearing the latest update on who-was-taking-who and brainstormed costumes for Sirius, Mary, Marlene, and Peter to wear to the party they'd be throwing in the Gryffindor common room instead. (Dahlia was going to Slughorn's with Edgar, though she was keeping mum on their costume reveal, and Remus wouldn't be there because of the full moon, so he had started putting it out that he was feeling ill and didn't think he'd be making it on Friday.) After dinner, they all retreated to the common room, where Remus and Lily decided to get a head start on their Arithmancy problems and James whiled away the time playing wizard's chess with Peter until it was time for him to go on his rounds.</p><p>"Later, guys," he called to Lily and Remus as he walked by on his way out of the common room.</p><p>Lily looked up from her notes, eyes slightly puffy from too many hours reading, and furrowed her brow. "Who're you paired with tonight?"</p><p>"Chang, I think," James said casually.</p><p>Kingsley wasn't far from them, and he chimed in, "Get that Ravenclaw intel, Potter!"</p><p>James chuckled. "Yeah, I'll see what I find out."</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes but still wore a faint smile, and with one last wave, James left through the portrait hole. He met Aiko in the Entrance Hall, and they did a quick lap of the dungeons before skipping the Transfiguration wing and heading up toward the first floor. They had patrolled together once before, closer to the start of term, and passed an enjoyable few hours chatting about Quidditch, both Hogwarts and professional. But this time, after they exchanged the usual pleasantries about classes and teachers and homework, an awkward silence descended. And then lasted a whole floor.</p><p>James looked sideways at her. She stared straight ahead, not seeming like her normal smiling, bubbly self. "Everything alright, Chang?"</p><p>A forced sort of smile emerged. "Yeah, swell."</p><p>James slowed his steps. "Look, I know your opener's coming up, and yeah, Slytherin's looking nasty from what I've heard, but you're smart—"</p><p>Aiko scoffed lightly, stopping next to him. "It's not about Quidditch."</p><p>James blinked, even more confused. "Oh?"</p><p>Her eyes narrowed at him, and she bit her lip before asking, "You really don't know?"</p><p>He blinked again. "Know what?"</p><p>She scoffed a second time, looking away from him as she chewed her lip and shook her head. "I'm such an idiot."</p><p>"Please, you're in how many N.E.W.T.s? I know it's stressful—"</p><p>"No, James. That's not it."</p><p>He crossed his arms as he frowned down at her. "I don't follow."</p><p>She sighed in a resigned sort of way, crossing her own arms, and said, "I like you."</p><p>James shrugged. "Yeah, I like you too, I consider us friends, which is why—"</p><p>"<em>No</em>, James." She hesitated a moment, and comprehension started to dawn in his mind right as she said, "I've…had a crush on you since—you know. This summer."</p><p>Fuck. How had he not seen that coming? How had he not <em>noticed</em>? With a strange twinge that felt something like guilt, he realized he knew the answer: because he hadn't been into her, and then because he'd been consumed with Lily ever since they'd been back at school.</p><p>Aiko filled the awkward silence, rambling on, "You're the only guy that's ever made an effort to stop doing anything just because we were drunk. And then when we did hook up, it was…well, I really liked you after that. And I thought you liked me too. You know, because we hooked up? I sort of thought we would hang out more at school, and when we didn't, I just wrote it off as you being extra busy with Head Boy stuff and Quidditch and N.E.W.T.s. I was—well, I was actually working up the courage to ask <em>you</em> out, but then you did a one-eighty and took Lily out, and—I'm an idiot."</p><p>James swallowed hard. He shouldn't have shagged her. He'd known it then, and he really knew it now. With a deep breath, he said, "Aiko, I'm sorry—"</p><p>"It's fine—"</p><p>"No, it's obviously not. I just—look, I had fun with you this summer, I did. But it was just casual for me, and I thought—assumed—it was for you too."</p><p>That was sort of a lie; he'd sensed she liked him probably more than he liked her, but as he hadn't made any moves to see her again or ask her out, he'd assumed she'd gotten the message, and by their friendly vibe thus far at school, he'd assumed <em>that</em> meant <em>message received and reciprocated</em>.</p><p>Merlin, had he read <em>that</em> wrong.</p><p>Aiko nodded. "I realize that <em>now</em>, I guess."</p><p>"I'm sor—"</p><p>"Don't be. You like Lily."</p><p>It wasn't a question, but Aiko looked at him like she expected an answer.</p><p>James nodded. "Yeah," he softly. "I do, I—I like her a lot."</p><p>A light flush rose on Aiko's cheeks. "I saw you in Hogsmeade together."</p><p>He didn't know what to say to that. "Er—"</p><p>She gave him a weak smile. "We were all pretty shocked when she actually agreed to go with you, considering you hated each other last year."</p><p>This was awkward. "Er, yeah. I guess being co-Heads made us figure out how to get along."</p><p>And fall for each other, but he didn't think Aiko needed to hear that spelled out just then.</p><p>She regarded him curiously. "She said something similar."</p><p>James just shrugged. "It's the truth. We actually didn't know each other very well before we got the badges."</p><p>Aiko cocked a brow disbelievingly. "So you just hated each other for no reason? Don't forget I saw that duel, along with the rest of our grade."</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair again, feeling a faint flush creeping up his neck. "Will you believe me if I tell you it's…complicated?"</p><p>Aiko sighed and started walking again. "I suppose it's none of my business."</p><p>James fell in step with her, wondering how they were going to pass the rest of their patrol after <em>that</em> conversation, but then Aiko stalled again, looking up at him with that same troubled expression she'd had before.</p><p>"Will you just…tell me something? Honestly?"</p><p>He stuffed his hands in his pockets. This couldn't be good. "Aiko—"</p><p>She cut him off. "Does Lily know? That we shagged?"</p><p>James gaped at her. <em>That</em> was unexpected. "Er, yeah. She does."</p><p>Aiko looked surprised for a moment, but then she nodded and said quietly, "Lily's a great person."</p><p>"Yeah," he agreed softly. "She is. But so are you—"</p><p>"James, you don't have to—"</p><p>"I'm not. I'm being honest. It's why I stopped you that first night. I…respect you. A lot. You're a great person too, and anyone who dates you should feel lucky."</p><p>He could see that he'd surprised the words out of her, and he pushed himself on, knowing he needed to finish what he'd started. "Look, I meant it when I said I was sorry. I <em>am</em> sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on, but I know I did. I know you're not one to have a casual shag at a party, but I let it happen because I <em>was</em>—"</p><p>"Do you regret it?"</p><p>"Yeah—I mean, no—well, sort of—"</p><p>Aiko just stared at him, an unreadable expression on her face. He couldn't tell if he'd just landed himself in even hotter water. Fuck.</p><p>James took a deep breath. "It's not about the actual shag, Chang, you know I enjoyed that." She perked up slightly, though she tried to hide it. "I regret leading you on and hurting your feelings. So if I could undo that by not shagging you, yeah, I'd take it back. You're a great girl, and I have mad respect for you, and I—I hope we can still be friends."</p><p>Aiko regarded him a moment, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, we can."</p><p>With a sideways smile, she changed the subject and said, "So I take it you heard about Avery on their Monday practice?" and, to James's relief, they passed the rest of patrol talking about Quidditch.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>As soon as he was in his seat in Charms the next morning, James scrawled Lily a note on their two-way parchment.</p><p><em>So I have a lot to tell you</em>.</p><p>He watched her eyebrows go up as she read it, then saw her hand move. <em>Okay?</em></p><p>
  <em>1. I had a meeting with Dumbledore yesterday. About Tuesday.</em>
</p><p>Her eyes flashed back and forth as she read, and then she wrote, <em>Tell me later in our office.</em></p><p>
  <em>Agreed. 2. Chang confessed her feelings to me on patrol.</em>
</p><p>Lily looked up at him briefly, and then quickly glanced down her row to where Aiko sat, looking focused on Flitwick's lecture.</p><p>
  <em>Tell me the rest and then we're coming back to that one.</em>
</p><p>James smirked. <em>3. How is your Guinevere costume coming along? </em></p><p>Lily's mouth twitched. <em>Swimmingly. How's yours, Godric?</em></p><p>
  <em>Swell. </em>
</p><p>This was a lie; he hadn't even started. <em>But</em> he knew exactly where to find the costume materials he needed (in the Room of Hidden Things, where they'd found those medieval costumes a few years before), so it was really just a matter of finding the time to go there and retrieve them. And then charm them, and so on and so forth. Whatever. He had at least thirty hours.</p><p>Lily's handwriting reappeared. <em>So what did Chang say, exactly?</em></p><p>James arched a brow at her. <em>Not jealous, are you, Evans? </em></p><p>She threw him a scornful look. <em>Call me curious. And okay fine, a bit peeved she's shagged you.</em></p><p>James smiled to himself as he wrote back, <em>Just a bit? I'm wounded. </em></p><p>
  <em>Okay FINE, a lot peeved, happy?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>About my Head Girl getting territorial for ME for once? The happiest. </em>
</p><p>Lily blushed, ducking her head so her hair curtained her face under the pretense of taking notes, but James knew better. <em>Prat. </em></p><p>
  <em>Ego strokes, Evans.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Such a fucking prat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I apologized to her. For leading her on. Over the summer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Consider me impressed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am a good person? </em>
</p><p><em>I know. It</em> <em>'s why I fell for you. Well, that and your abs. (Mostly your abs? Or maybe the hair…) </em></p><p>James snuck a glance at her as he buried his mouth in his palm. She was half-hiding her own smile, green eyes sparkling, and she winked when he looked up. His stomach flipped, that old swooping sensation that never went away when it came to her claiming his body.</p><p>
  <em>Don't lie, Evans, we both know it was really my dazzling smile. </em>
</p><p>Lily smirked to herself but didn't look at him.</p><p>
  <em>No, I rather think it was your hands, actually. Or fingers, more specifically. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not my incredibly defined back you spied on last year? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck you. Your shoulders are also offended. </em>
</p><p><em>You know what</em> <em>'s not offended? </em></p><p><em>Don</em> <em>'t you dare. Don't you fucking dare say it, Potter. </em></p><p>
  <em>Say what? That you fell for my magical dick?</em>
</p><p>Lily closed her eyes briefly, still not looking at him, though a faint flush was rising up her neck. <em>I really do hate you sometimes. </em></p><p>
  <em>I really like you too, Evans. </em>
</p><p>She looked over at him at that, her eyes softer somehow, reminding him of how she'd looked at him on their date. Like he was the only one in the world.</p><p>Lily looked back down at her parchment, her quill flying. <em>Our office tonight?</em></p><p><em>Yes please</em>.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Was it possible to murder a poltergeist? Surely, there had to be a way. He had never truly thought through how it could be done before, but now he was prepared to spend the rest of the night in the library researching precisely that question because he never did make it to their office that night, and it was all because of Peeves.</p><p>Well, to be fair, Lily had also had something come up with Slughorn and the research they were doing, but it was entirely possible she was now waiting for him in their office and he was standing her up for Peeves.</p><p>He fucking hated poltergeists.</p><p>Apparently, some dumb second years had set him off. (Well, he said dumb because they were also part of this keeping-him-from-Lily crowd, but really they sounded rather like how he and Sirius had been at that age, and if he wasn't so fucking randy for Lily he would have even been proud of them.) But regardless, they triggered Peeves, who decided to trigger McGonagall by exploding all the pumpkins decorating the Great Hall, covering the rest of the decorations in stringy pumpkin guts, and shooting a seemingly never-ending supply of pumpkin seeds out of a straw at unsuspecting passer-by.</p><p>Also at James, as he stood in the Great Hall trying to make sense of the mess, having been retrieved by Professor McGonagall to assist with the clean-up while she dealt with the second years and the other students who had been hit with the full blast of the pumpkin-exploding.</p><p>But James, being smarter than the most obnoxious poltergeist to ever <em>fucking</em> exist, had cast a protective bubble around himself, so all of the shot pumpkin seeds simply bounced away while he worked at the menial task of charming the pumpkins—all fucking hundreds of them—back to normal. (Well, maybe hundreds was an exaggeration. But whatever.) And that didn't even include fixing the jack-o-lanters, which were all wailing and crying at being severed from their faces.</p><p>At some point, Peeves grew bored with James refusing to play with him and zoomed out of the Great Hall while calling James a long string of very rude names. James didn't even care. Peeves would soon be murdered.</p><p>Or that's what he told himself, anyway, as he removed the bubble from around himself and slogged through pumpkin repairing and hoped that Lily was at least still stuck slogging through potions research so as to not be waiting for him in a mounting state of annoyance.</p><p><em>That</em> would be truly horrific.</p><p>It grew painfully late, and James, having gotten distracted with the jack-o-lanterns, was in the middle of trying to charm one to sing about the person in front of it when a hand on his arm made him start and swear under his breath. Turning, he saw it was Lily, and he instinctively smiled, only to falter as he saw the blazing look on her face.</p><p>"Lily—"</p><p>All she said was, "Come with me," and then she turned on her heel and marched toward the Entrance Hall, still gripping his arm.</p><p>Bewildered, James followed her, not missing how her head darted from side-to-side, like she was checking to see if anyone was around despite the lateness of the hour, and then, to his even greater bewilderment, she pulled him into a small closet off the Entrance Hall.</p><p>The same closet, in fact, in which he'd once shagged Adelaide Selwyn, and from which Lily had seen him emerge.</p><p>"Lily—"</p><p>But she silenced him with a kiss, her hands instantly going to his belt and fly, and James was powerless against the heat of her mouth, the dart of her tongue, the grasp of her hand. He groaned, and Lily broke away to shush him and cast a quick silencing charm at the door.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>She knocked a handful of unused mops aside and hopped up onto a step-stool, pulling him towards her with his tie.</p><p>"I need you, Potter."</p><p>He could only stare at her dumbly for a moment, though his hands were acting of their own accord in sliding up her legs.</p><p>"You—"</p><p>She tossed his tie over his shoulder and slid her hands up into his hair, pulling his face to hers. With her standing on the step-stool like that, they were even height for once, and James vaguely noted the niceness of kissing her straight-on like that, without having to bend down or tilt up. When they broke for air, Lily reached down a hand to where he'd been pressing against her, grasping him as she murmured, "I <em>need</em> you. <em>Inside</em> me."</p><p>Well, <em>fuck</em>—was she for <em>real</em>?</p><p>Her eyes bored into his, and she lifted a leg to wrap around his waist. "<em>Now</em>."</p><p>Pressing against the outside of her knickers snapped him back to his senses, and he grinned as he nuzzled around her nose. "Any particular reason why?"</p><p>Lily rolled her hips against him. "Because I just <em>do</em>. I have <em>all day</em>."</p><p>"Fucking hell, Evans."</p><p>He needed her just because every damn day, but it still floored him that she might need him that way <em>back</em>, and fuck if that didn't light up his whole body and make his whole week.</p><p>Her knickers were already damp, and he pushed them aside, tracing her outline with his fingers for a moment, giving her a few circles of his thumb, before he lined himself up and pushed inside her, holding onto her leg around his waist for leverage while he braced his other hand against the wall.</p><p>Lily moaned softly at his first thrust, that throaty little noise that worked its own magic on his body, and James buried his face into her neck as he picked up his pace, felt her tugging at his hair, splaying fingers over his shoulders.</p><p>"Fuck, <em>James</em>—gods you feel so <em>good</em>."</p><p>He spoke into her neck, words mingling with a groan. "So do you, Lil. <em>Fuck</em>, so good."</p><p>Her leg tightened around his waist, and James slid his hand down to squeeze her arse, supporting the weight of her thigh on his arm as he rocked into her. Maybe it was because the hush of the castle this late at night fell thick around them, or maybe his brain was still catching up to her pouncing on him like that, but they shagged quietly for awhile, only their breathy whimpers and the rustle of their clothes and slick sounds of sex filling the small space until the distant sound of the clock chiming midnight broke through the air.</p><p>After the chimes stopped, James pulled his face from her neck, nudged her cheek with his nose, and Lily lifted her own face to look at him, swallowing hard. Her eyes were dark, alight with energy.</p><p>James licked his lips and said quietly, "I'm getting close."</p><p>Her breath was shallow as she worked her fingers through his hair. "I don't want to stop—you feel <em>so</em> fucking <em>good</em>."</p><p>He chuckled softly, squeezing where he held onto her, and said against her mouth, "We can do this all night, love."</p><p>Lily froze, pulling back from him slightly, her eyes searching his.</p><p>James's heart skipped a beat, panic flickering in his stomach. "What?"</p><p>"You just—you've never called me that."</p><p>She was right; he hadn't. He'd heard other blokes call her that—hell, hadn't Sirius even called her that?—but he never had. Something about that particular pet name—<em>love</em>—had always felt untouchable to him, probably because he'd heard his dad call his mum <em>love</em> his whole life, and he'd always associated that particular name with that particular kind of enduring relationship, no matter how loosely other people used it. And until that moment, when it had just tumbled out of his mouth without thinking, he'd never said it to a girl.</p><p>"Is that—okay?"</p><p>Lily's smile seemed just a little too sly, her eyes flashing with that mischievous affection that seemed reserved just for him. "Yeah"—she brushed her mouth against his—"I like hearing my boyfriend call me that."</p><p>The earth tilted; time stopped. "Wha—really?"</p><p>Lily nodded, smiling wider. "Yeah."</p><p>He momentarily forgot that he was inside her as he released his brace on the wall to cup her face. There was so much he wanted to say, so many swelling emotions surging through him, but his brain wasn't working, and all he managed to breathe was, "Lily."</p><p>She smirked and rubbed soft patterns with her fingers where she cradled his head. "You said to tell you when I was ready. And I am. Ready. I've been thinking about telling you for days, and I had meant to tell you at the party tomorrow—well, today—I had a whole cheesy speech rehearsed and everything, but I—I just can't wait, and it is technically the same day, and—I want to <em>be</em> with you, James. I'm <em>yours</em>—"</p><p>James kissed her, and it was like new life flowed through his veins. She wanted to be with him. She was his. <em>Lily Evans</em>.</p><p>Her arm reached down his back and her leg squeezed his waist, like she wanted to pull him as close as it was possible to be, and his hips were moving again, his body taking over its natural rhythm as he remembered what they were in the middle of doing. Lily's mouth was like fire against his, her touch making him tingle and ache and throb all at the same time. Somehow, everything suddenly felt <em>more</em>—felt even <em>better</em>—which made no logical sense, given that the only thing that had changed was their labels for each other. But somehow, that simple change meant everything. He felt it in his bones. She was his, and he was hers, and something deep within him felt <em>aligned</em> where it hadn't before. A relief mixed with happiness like he'd never known.</p><p>He thought he heard that feeling in the way she cried, "<em>James</em>," just then as she broke for air and buried her face in his neck as she hugged him tighter.</p><p>His own voice was a hoarse pant as he murmured, "Lily—fuck, I need you to come first."</p><p>"Touch me," she whimpered back, and James dropped his hand from her hair to reach under her skirt and down her knickers, finding that sensitive spot with his thumb as he thrust up into her.</p><p>Lily's grip on him tightened, fingers wound tight in his hair. "<em>J</em>—yes, babe—just like that—<em>fuck</em>, so good—oh—<em>James</em>—"</p><p>His mouth ghosted her ear as he murmured, "Yeah, Lil. I'm gonna come as soon as I feel you go."</p><p>Her whimper was strangled, her voice higher pitched as she started to tense against him.</p><p>"That's it, baby—"</p><p>"<em>James</em>—oh <em>fuck</em>—yes—<em>yes</em>—J—fuck, <em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>The second he heard that tone he knew he had her, and though he kept his thumb on her, giving her those soft little flicks that he knew would push her over the edge, he squeezed her arse tighter, thrust into her faster, knowing it wouldn't take him long to follow her—</p><p>"Lil—love—"</p><p>She cut him off with a bruising kiss as she came, like she was trying to channel her whole orgasm through her mouth, and he pinned her hard against the wall as he came with her.</p><p>They kissed through their climax, a forceful crush turning slowly to a slippery caress of lips and tongue as shudders passed and spasms subsided, and when they finally broke apart, both breathing heavily, James rested his forehead against hers as Lily trailed soft fingertips down his cheeks.</p><p>"Lily."</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Did we really just—"</p><p>Lily chuckled softly. "Become official while shagging in a broom closet on Halloween? Yeah."</p><p>"Oh yeah," James mused out loud. "It is technically Halloween, isn't it?"</p><p>"Mhmm."</p><p>He pulled back so he could look more directly into her eyes, sparkling for him in the dark, and said softly, "Makes it easy to remember our anniversary."</p><p>It was bold, he knew, and in that next millisecond he wondered if he shouldn't have said it, but then Lily <em>smiled</em>. "Why do you think I picked it, Potter?"</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Despite grand ideas to stay up all night shagging in blissful celebration of their new labels, by the time they got themselves up to Gryffindor Tower and snuggled in James's bed (Lily at least conceding that her school-night rule deserved to be broken for <em>this</em> momentous occasion), they were asleep within minutes. He woke when Lily stirred some hours later, cocooned in his arms and her hair in his face, and he squeezed her tighter, hearing her chuckle softly into her pillow.</p><p><em>Her</em> pillow. Because now she really belonged there, more than she ever had before, and he never wanted her to leave.</p><p>She snuggled back into him, tilting up her head to say quietly, "I have to get up for class."</p><p>He nuzzled into the back of her neck. "You have plenty of time."</p><p>She gave a light huff but didn't protest, as she couldn't argue with that. "I <em>do</em> have to go get ready, you know."</p><p>James leaned over her to reach the side of her neck with his mouth. "And we need to celebrate you wanting to be my girlfriend some more. Skive off with me."</p><p>Lily giggled softly. "<em>No</em>, Potter."</p><p>He unwound an arm from his hold on her middle to slip under the oversized t-shirt she'd worn to bed, running his hand up thigh, over stomach, claiming a breast, as he murmured in her ear, "Why not?"</p><p>Lily sighed at his touch, her arch against him seeming reflexive in a way that made his head swim and all his blood rush to one place, but then she said quietly back, "N.E.W.T.s wait for no one, and—<em>oh</em>, James—no, I can't skive class—but then show up to a <em>Slug Club</em> <em>party</em>."</p><p>Eh, he supposed she had a point. Head Girl and all that. They at least had to make it <em>look</em> like they were trying to be role models for the school. He made a noncommittal noise in his throat as he sucked on a patch of skin where her neck curved into her shoulder.</p><p>"James." Lily reached up to slide her hand through his hair, her protest feeble. "We can stay in bed—literally all day <em>tomorrow</em>."</p><p>He grinned against her skin. "I'm holding you to that, Evans."</p><p>"Please do." And she snuggled back into him, nestling her bum into his pelvis in a way that told him she felt exactly how randy he was for her.</p><p>"Lily." He ghosted lips along her cheek, slid fingers under the knickers at her hip.</p><p>Her breath caught and she arched into him again, scratching gentle fingers through his hair where she still held onto him.</p><p>Really, she couldn't do such things and expect him to let her go. He pressed his hips into her bum, reached between her legs, felt her shift so she could bend a knee up for him. His voice was a hoarse whisper—"Baby, I need you"—as he stroked her lightly.</p><p>She let out a soft whimper, then whispered back, "I need you too. But—"</p><p>He made a soft noise of protest as he dipped a finger inside her. "Ten minutes."</p><p>Lily relaxed against him and teased, "As if you could last more than five."</p><p>James chuckled, withdrawing his hand to pull her knickers down as she lifted her hips for him. "For morning sex with my new girlfriend? I'll be lucky if I last two."</p><p>Lily giggled softly as she kicked her knickers the rest of the way off, and James tugged his own shorts down, kicking those somewhere in the depths of the covers before he leaned over her. In the dark, he could see her eyes shining against luminously pale skin, her hair fanned over his pillow. She was perfect. And she was still on her side, pulling up her knee to tilt her hips toward the mattress, like she knew exactly what he wanted.</p><p>He admired the curve of her bum, palming and squeezing that luscious, milky skin for less time than he wanted, only because the clock was ticking and he was already twitching for her. Bracing himself with a hand on her hip, James lined himself up, then pushed gently inside as he lowered himself over her, moving his bracing hand to the bed next to her body as he kissed her softly.</p><p>Lily gasped against his mouth, snaking an arm around his back to hold onto him.</p><p>"Is there—a silencing charm up?"</p><p>Fuck. "I don't remember," he whispered, which was the honest truth. "Just be quiet, they all usually sleep in on Fridays anyway."</p><p>She nodded, reaching up for another kiss, and James started moving against her slowly, biting back his own moan as he felt how tight this angle was. He knew Lily felt it too because she barely made it three thrusts before she was turning her face from his, her eyes scrunched, brow furrowed, like all her concentration was going to controlling her shallow, whimpering breaths. They shagged as silently as they could, and soon James dropped his head into her neck, bracing himself on his forearm so he could reach down between her legs and find her pleasure point with his fingertip. A small cry flew from Lily's mouth, and she smushed her pillow against her face after that as her other hand reached up to tangle itself back in his hair.</p><p>It struck him then, as they each buried their faces to muffle their moans, how much he'd been memorizing her—<em>learning</em> her—over just less than two months of hooking up. Because as much as he loved hearing that throaty voice pant his name alongside sexy affirmations that he was getting her there, he didn't actually need them to know she was getting close—he could just <em>tell</em>. And that floored him.</p><p>It was the way her hips bucked towards his fingers, telling him she wanted more pressure, more speed; the way her fingers pulled his hair harder when he gave it to her; the way her hips squirmed, seeking those touches that would push her over; the way her body started tensing underneath him, first just her core but then hand, arm, leg, neck beneath his mouth. It was only a matter of seconds. He pushed himself up on his arm, thrust just a little faster, a little deeper, giving her that touch he knew she liked, and he felt it before he saw it, felt her contract around him right before he watched her arm fall to bracket her head as she pressed her face into the mattress under him and came.</p><p>He kept his fingers on her, feeling that pulse, for another couple seconds before he needed that arm to brace himself over her, and he met his own end thrusting into her spasms, unable to keep a soft groan from escaping his own throat as sweet release washed over him.</p><p>Surely more than two minutes had gone by, though he very much doubted they were past five.</p><p>For a few moments they didn't move. James breathed hard, trying to catch his breath, and Lily slowly turned her head around, finally unburying from pillow and mattress to look up at him, her face flushed in pleasure.</p><p>She slowly lifted a hand to his chest, trailed soft fingers down the center line of his abs, over the diagonal lines that led to where they joined, and her lips quirked in a smile as she whispered, "How did I get such a hot boyfriend?"</p><p>James grinned, his whole body humming with the satisfaction of her admiring him. Lily Evans being into him—<em>Lily Evans</em>—would never get old.</p><p>"I could ask you the same thing," he told her, letting her watch his eyes roam over her body before returning to hold her gaze. "Girlfriend."</p><p>Lily's face cracked into a dazzling smile as she pulled him down for a kiss.</p><p>"Confession," she whispered between kisses.</p><p>"So soon?"</p><p>"Mmm." She broke away, holding his face in her hands. "I've been calling you my boyfriend in my head since our date."</p><p>James's stomach flipped. "Got used to it, did you?"</p><p>"Oh, yes. Rather liked it, too."</p><p>"Only took you six years."</p><p>She smushed his face. "Prat. I almost said it in the Hospital Wing, even."</p><p>He looked back at her curiously. "Wait, what?"</p><p>Lily bit her lip, looking bashful for a moment before she said, "After you were out with a Sleeping Draught. Pomfrey started shooing us out, said something about <em>friends</em>, and I <em>started</em> to say I was your girlfriend, but I caught myself and said <em>Head Girl</em>."</p><p>"Lily." His mind raced to catch up to what he was hearing. "That was <em>Tuesday</em>."</p><p>She nodded, and even in the dark, he could tell she was blushing by how she smiled. "Mac and Sirius have been taking the piss ever since, I'm honestly surprised you didn't overhear."</p><p>"I—no. I mean, Sirius was taking the mick with me too, but he's always done that about you, so I didn't think anything of it."</p><p>Lily smirked. "Well, now you can tell him that I'm finally your girlfriend."</p><p>James leaned back down for a last sweet, lingering kiss before he pulled out of her and helped her clean up. By the time they found her knickers and his shorts deep in the twisted bedsheets, their ten minutes were definitely up, and James watched Lily slip out of bed, leaving the hanging partially open as she gathered her discarded clothes from the night before.</p><p>Just then, he heard Sirius say, "Why, good morning, James Potter's girlfriend."</p><p>James grabbed his wand from his bedside table and blasted back the bed curtains, seeing Sirius lounging under the covers, his own bed curtains drawn, as he smiled jovially at Lily with his hands laced behind his head. Lily stood frozen in James's oversized t-shirt, her bundle of yesterday's clothes clutched to her chest, but then she smiled back at Sirius and said, "Heard that, did you?"</p><p>Sirius looked far too smug as he looked between the two of them. "I did. And to answer your other question, no, you did not put a silencing charm on your bed last night."</p><p>Lily flushed as she chewed her cheek, like she was trying to think of something snappy to say back. James gave Sirius a warning look, but his friend didn't see it.</p><p>"Though," Sirius continued conversationally, "to be fair, you were at least polite about it, unlike some <em>other people</em>"—he turned his head to cast those words toward the bed on his other side, bed hangings still tightly drawn—"who <em>also</em> bloody forgot when they came to bed last night and then howled <em>bloody</em> <em>murder</em> while they fucked for an hour."</p><p>Remus's head poked around the edge of his bed curtain, his normally tidy hair askew. "It was twenty minutes, max. Shut the fuck up, Pads. Hi, Lily."</p><p>"<em>Lily!</em>"</p><p>Sirius winced at hearing Marlene's shriek emanating from Remus's bed. "Keep it down, Marly, my ears haven't recovered yet."</p><p>Remus's bed hangings drew back, revealing Remus and Marlene cuddling with the duvet pulled up to their chins—a normal sight to the boys, but apparently not to Lily, who stood gaping at them. But Marlene was staring at Sirius, eyes narrowed. "As if <em>you've</em> never forgotten to silence your bed when <em>you've</em> brought a girl upstairs, you bloody hypocrite."</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. "Bed springs are one thing, but"—he changed his voice to a mock falsetto—"<em>Reme</em>, <em>Reme</em>, <em>oh</em>, <em>oh</em>"—he switched back to normal—"is another <em>entirely</em>."</p><p>Marlene rolled her eyes—this was not a new conversation—and looked over at Lily as she said, "See what you have to look forward to, Lil? Now that you're apparently a…<em>girlfriend</em>?"</p><p>She moved her pointed look to James, and he just laughed, adopting the same lounging pose as Sirius as he said, "That she is, Marly. Spread the word, will you?"</p><p>If she hadn't been naked in her own boyfriend's' bed, James suspected Marlene would have been jumping on it in circles, but she settled for a beaming grin at Lily, who was beaming right back. "I'd be <em>delighted</em>."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>James spent a blissful first period pestering Lily on their two-way parchment, already liking how easily the world <em>girlfriend</em> unfurled from his quill, and liking even more how the word <em>boyfriend</em> looked in <em>her</em> handwriting, but alas, Ancient Runes and Herbology kept them apart until lunch, where they sat next to each other and James mastered eating one-handed, his other hand resting on her leg under the table.</p><p>"You're right," Mary said to Sirius, observing them from across the table. "They're <em>sickening</em>, but they're still somehow…<em>cute</em> about it?"</p><p>Lily threw a chip at her, and it quickly escalated into a miniature food fight that only stopped when Professor McGonagall appeared behind them, hands on her hips, and asked what exactly the head students thought they were doing.</p><p>"Well, see, it's Halloween, Professor," James said.</p><p>She only looked at him blankly.</p><p>"Also, maybe, opposite day?"</p><p>Her eyes narrowed. Lily kicked his foot.</p><p>"But also, Lily became my girlfriend. Just now. So we were, erm, celebrating."</p><p>A hint of a smile appeared on McGonagall's face as she looked between them. "I see. Well, I am going to go finish my lunch, but if I see so much as one <em>morsel</em> of food in the air, don't think I won't put you both back in detention." She turned on her heel, then stopped, looked over her shoulder, and added with a smirk, "<em>Separately</em>."</p><p>James turned back to his friends, grinning, to find Sirius shaking his head as he stuffed chips in his mouth. "<em>Opposite Day</em>?"</p><p>Lily buried her face in her hands, shaking with laughter, her red ears betraying her flush.</p><p>"Hey," Sirius said thickly. "That's your <em>boyfriend</em>, Evans."</p><p>Lily peeled back her fingers and looked at Sirius innocently. "At least he knows his holidays?"</p><p>They all dissolved into laughter after that.</p><p>After sending a still-wheezing Lily off to Arithmancy alongside Edgar and waving to Mary and Marlene as they departed for the library, he made the trek back to Gryffindor Tower with Sirius and Peter, where they picked up a rather pale and worn-looking Remus, stopped in the kitchens for a backpack of provisions, and then made their way to the Shrieking Shack, where they hung out with Remus for awhile playing Exploding Snap before the three of them had to reluctantly head back to get in costume.</p><p>Remus forced a smile, trying to stay in good spirits as he waved off his friends, but James's heart broke a little at the sight all the same. He hated thinking about Remus turning by himself, and as much as he had been looking forward to spending that night with Lily, a fresh wave of guilt still washed over him at the knowledge that he wasn't choosing his friend.</p><p>Sirius tugged his elbow, looking like he was reading James's thoughts, and with a final wave and a promise to check in on him first thing in the morning, they turned back.</p><p>His guilt faded as they reached the castle, or maybe it was just pushed aside as other things grabbed his attention.</p><p>Like getting a costume together.</p><p>Thankfully, the Room of Hidden Things came through (it always did), and within a few hours, James found himself in front of the floor-length mirror in their dorm, adjusting the medieval robes he'd charmed red and gold, lacing up his boots, and transfiguring a small toy sword into something more stately, worthy of passing as the sword of Gryffindor.</p><p>"Looking strapping, Prongs," Sirius said, clapping him on the back.</p><p>James looked his friend up and down. "And you're looking…like…me?"</p><p>Sirius grinned. "I'm a better-looking James than you, I know." He turned to the mirror and adjusted his hair, which he'd tried to make deliberately messy, and then adjusted his glasses he'd conjured and tweaked his—<em>James's</em>—Quidditch jersey that he wore.</p><p>James stared at him in disbelief. "What the fuck, Pads?"</p><p>Sirius just laughed. "Pete, come out and show him!"</p><p>Peter emerged from the lavatory, hair colored dark brown and styled like Remus's, wearing corduroys and one of Remus's jumpers, and carrying an Arithmancy book.</p><p>"What d'you think?"</p><p>James's mouth fell open. "It's…<em>good</em>, Wormtail. Shit."</p><p>Sirius walked around Peter and seemed to find his inspection satisfactory, because then he turned back to James and said, "You and Moony won't be there, so Worm and I decided to dress up as you two. Pretty clever, eh?"</p><p>James laughed, falling in step behind Sirius and Peter down the staircase.</p><p>Mary and Marlene were loitering in the common room, both having gone the more conventional route with costumes, Mary being a vampire and Marlene being a pixie. Mary immediately looked between James and Sirius, wrinkling her nose.</p><p>"I know," Sirius said seriously. "I'm a more good-looking James than James."</p><p>"Ew," Mary responded. "You try to kiss me looking like that, and I <em>will</em> curse your balls off, Black."</p><p>Marlene was scrutinizing James. "Aren't you supposed to be a ginger and have a flowing, ginger beard?"</p><p>Sirius and Peter snorted.</p><p>"Er, yeah. Figured I'd let Lily do the honors."</p><p>"Where is Lily?"</p><p>James stared at her. "She hasn't been…with you?"</p><p>Marlene blinked at him, her shocked expression all the more absurd for her bright blue makeup. "No, she—well she came back from Arithmancy, and then a little later she got a note and she took off again, and when she didn't come back we thought maybe something came up with head stuff, but—"</p><p>His mouth was suddenly very dry. "No," he said thickly. "Nothing came up."</p><p>Mary grabbed Marlene's arm. "The note—did she take it with her?"</p><p>Marlene shrugged, eyes flitting nervously, like she was replaying it all in her mind, but Mary was gone, running up the stairs two at a time, and James raked his hands through his hair as he waited. Moments later, Mary came bounding down the stairs, relief all over her face.</p><p>"Here," she panted, holding out a square of parchment to James. "She left it on her bed, it's just from Slughorn, some emergency about their potion—I bet she got caught up working, you know how she is—"</p><p>Sirius was frowning at him. "We saw Slughorn, on his way out of the castle."</p><p>"Yeah," Peter added, "he said he was heading out for some last-minute party errands."</p><p>Mary's face fell as she looked between them. "Well, it was probably something Lily could handle—"</p><p>But James suddenly felt sick, flashes of memories and thoughts now swirling in his mind, connecting in ways they hadn't before. The Slytherins had been tailing Lily since the start of school. And what had Snape said? <em>Nothing</em><em>'</em><em>s changed. We know all we</em><em>'</em><em>re going to know</em>. They had targeted her when she came out of the dungeons. They knew about her work with Slughorn. And Mulciber had been about to ask if they were still doing <em>the Forest</em>, but Snape had cut him off—why? Dolohov had shouted, <em>one that won't get traced back to us</em>. James had just <em>seen</em> Snape, on Tuesday, while on the path back to the castle, right as he was passing—fuck.</p><p><em>We're good on that other thing we discussed, too</em>.</p><p>He'd encountered Snape not far from the Whomping Willow.</p><p>James whipped out his wand and pointed it at the parchment. "<em>Revelio!</em>"</p><p>Slughorn's swirling letters instantly morphed into a tight, cramped scrawl.</p><p>He turned and bounded up the stairs, not even noticing his friends following close on his heels. "The map," he bellowed, "where's the map?"</p><p>"My nightstand," Sirius barked back, and James dove for it, hands shaking as he muttered, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," hating those words for the first time in his life because they were an absolute lie, and the lines couldn't spread fast enough, his eyes couldn't cover the castle quick enough.</p><p>"Come on," he muttered, "where <em>are</em> you?"</p><p>It was Sirius who found her, just a simple black dot—<em>Lily Evans</em>—approaching the edge of the map, moving single-file between Antonin Dolohov and Arthur Avery.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>She came back to her senses in a dark room and quickly realized her wrists and ankles were both tied, that she was stuck to this fucking chair, and that breathing that wasn't her own was in the room with her.</p><p>A soft flare of wand light illuminated a face in front of her. Dolohov.</p><p>"Hi, Lily." The sound of her name in that deep, gravelly voice sent a chill down her spine.</p><p>"What, no slurs?"</p><p>He smirked softly, and Lily hated how she noticed that the wand light illuminated his stark cheekbones, the hollows of his hooded eyes. She hadn't been this close to him since fifth year, and seeing the way he tilted his head in that familiar way, appraising her, reminded her viscerally of how she once used to kiss those lips, touch those cheekbones.</p><p>He reached up his other hand and lightly grasped her chin. "Nah. It's just us here. <em>Lil</em>."</p><p>She wanted to throw up.</p><p>"Don't think we've had a proper chat since fifth year, have we?"</p><p>"Haven't exactly had anything to say. <em>Ani</em>."</p><p>Dolohov leaned closer and said conversationally, "Oh, I don't know, you could've told me you, ah, <em>faked it</em> for me."</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em> you," Lily spat under her breath.</p><p>Dolohov just chuckled. "I wanted to, remember? You said no."</p><p>Lily did remember. She remembered everything that had happened with Dolohov—vividly. He was the first boy she had fooled around with, the first boy to capture her attention in that sexual way. She'd nursed a secret crush on him—and then had a secret affair <em>with</em> him—for <em>months</em>. She'd been seduced by that low voice, infatuated with that dark handsomeness. She'd even started to question whether Slytherins were "really as bad as people say." Because, though most people wouldn't believe it now, there had been a time when Dolohov wasn't obsessed with blood purity. When they were all far more blissfully ignorant of what was going on outside the confines of Hogwarts. When he told wry jokes and had witty conversations with her and passed her flirty notes before he snogged her in secret alcoves and empty classrooms. And she'd fallen for it all, at the peak of her naïveté, and let him slide fingers under her knickers as she'd slipped her hand inside his trousers and discovered what a boy felt like in her hand and how to make him climax just from touching him. And he had asked her, one night in a dungeon alcove, snuck out from a Slug Club party, whether she wanted to <em>go all the way</em>. And she hadn't been ready, but even more than that she just hadn't wanted to, not expecting what was in her hand to do anything different than his fingers, and so she'd said no. And he'd been a perfect gentleman about it.</p><p>"What are you <em>doing</em>?"</p><p>His eyes flashed.</p><p>"Going down memory lane? Reliving your first hand job before you murder the girl who gave it to you?"</p><p>Lily didn't miss how his eyes flicked over her shoulder, and hope surged through her body. They weren't alone. He was afraid of being overheard. Where <em>were</em> they?</p><p>A knock sounded from somewhere behind her, and she heard Avery's voice say, "Ten minutes out."</p><p>Dolohov's mouth turned up on one side in a sinister smile. "Actually, yeah. Guess I got a little sentimental there, Lil." He stroked the side of her face, pushing a piece of hair back behind her ear. Lily felt like spiders were crawling over her body.</p><p>"So much beauty," he murmured. "Fucking wasted on dirty blood."</p><p>And before she could even react, he had pulled away and waved his wand at her, levitating her chair backwards, through one doorway, around a corner, backwards through another doorway, and then she caught sight of a peeling, slashed wall, a piece of an armchair with the stuffing falling out—</p><p>No. <em>No no no no</em>.</p><p>Dolohov set her chair down and then turned her slowly around, and her eyes filled with tears as she saw Remus, similarly bound in another chair across the room from her, tears streaming down his face.</p><p>"Five minutes," Avery said lazily, and Lily understood. Five minutes until moon rise.</p><p>Until Remus would turn.</p><p>Dolohov stepped in front of her, taking up her view, and brandished her wand, holding it between two fingertips and then pushing it into her mouth. Lily bit down on it carefully, beyond confused.</p><p>He looked her straight in the eye. "So you can at least die trying. Goodbye, Lily."</p><p>Bile rose in her throat as he retreated, but she choked it down, listening as his and Avery's footsteps disappeared, as a door shut in the distance. They were alone.</p><p>"Lily," Remus choked, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—"</p><p>Lily shook her head frantically, trying to talk to him despite holding her wand in her mouth, feeling panic starting to overtake her.</p><p>He was sobbing. "You have to try to kill me—"</p><p><em>What</em>? Was he out of his <em>mind</em>? Her yells came out as strangled sounds in her throat.</p><p>"No, listen—the Killing Curse doesn't require a wand movement, you can cast it just pointing your wand at me with your mouth—but you might not be strong enough, so it might not actually kill me, maybe it'll just knock me out—and if you are, and it does—better me than you, because I can't—Lily, I'll—I'll <em>kill</em> you, I'll—<em>Aargh</em>—"</p><p>Remus doubled over in a scream, agony written all over his twisting face. She made her decision in a second.</p><p>Looking down, Lily released her wand, letting it fall into her lap.</p><p>"Reme, it's okay, you're okay, we'll get out—"</p><p>He looked up her in alarm. "Lily, what have you <em>done</em>? That was your <em>escape</em>!"</p><p>She shook her head, working at the ropes around her wrist. "<em>No</em>, Reme, I refuse to believe that. There's another way, there <em>has</em> to be. This is <em>Dolohov</em> and <em>Avery</em> we're dealing with, are you really giving them that much <em>credit</em>?"</p><p>Remus was overtaken with another scream, and this time Lily froze as she saw his skin rippling over his balled fists, at his neck. She swore, thinking through the odds of trying to tip herself to the floor and get her wand in her hand, but then all thought flew through her mind as she watched Remus, mesmerized as the werewolf seemed to burst from his body, subsuming him from the inside into an unfurling form of long limbs swathed in matted fur and yellow eyes above glistening, snapping teeth.</p><p>"No, Reme," she pleaded, only vaguely aware of the hot tears falling down her cheeks. "I know you're still in there, I know you don't want to do this. Reme, <em>please</em>—"</p><p>The entrance she'd once claimed through blasted open, knocking her over in her chair, and from the corner of her eye she saw a massive black dog lunge through the air at Remus, locking its jaw at Remus's neck and taking him down in a tangle of growling, grunting fur—</p><p>"LILY!"</p><p>She choked on her tears as she saw him, hardly daring believe it. "James?"</p><p>He was behind her, and the ropes binding her were falling away, and then he was pulling her to her feet, half-carrying her out into the hallway, away from the jumping and rolling animals, and to the door that she knew led back to Hogsmeade and, ultimately, the castle.</p><p>"James, what?"</p><p>"Shh, let's get outside. Are you hurt?"</p><p>"No—"</p><p>"I got you now, come on."</p><p>She stumbled along, gaining more control over her feet as they went, the cold night air snapping new life back into her as the heat of James's touch seared into her skin, reminding her she had escaped, she was saved, she was <em>alive</em>.</p><p>James didn't let up on their pace, and eventually Lily realized he had gotten them to the road. He stopped then, running frantic hands over her face, her hair, her neck.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>"I'm—<em>fuck</em>—" She clutched a stitch in her side, her mind still racing. "Dolohov and Avery. They're probably not far, they hadn't been gone long when you—"</p><p>He kissed her, something hard and crushing, all his usual finesse abandoned, and Lily kissed him back, barely able to feel anything except his mouth on hers, his hands in her hair—</p><p>A howl rent through the air, and James broke away instantly. "<em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>He shoved her wand in her hand—Lily hadn't even noticed she'd been missing it—and grabbed her other hand in his. "Come on, we have to run."</p><p>They ran past the school gates, which were already locked, along the remaining stretch of stone wall, and into the Forbidden Forest, dodging trees and crashing through underbrush, and something about being there, about the scent of pine and James's hand in hers and knowing she was on castle grounds, she had made it that much closer to safety, made her come back to herself more fully.</p><p>But a howl rent through the air somewhere behind them—too close—and before Lily even had time to look over her shoulder, James released her arm with a hurried, "Keep running!"</p><p>Her body did the opposite, slowing to look at him. "Wha—James!"</p><p>He turned to look at her as he made to head off into the trees, shouting, "Trust me—<em>run</em>!"</p><p><em>Trust him</em>. She didn't even have to think about it; she just <em>did</em>. Hadn't he led her through every bizarre and perilous situation they'd ended up in together? Hadn't he taken care of her, been there for her, every time she'd needed him? Wasn't that what she'd fallen for? The way his recklessness was backed by his incredible brain? How his steadfastness never wavered? How he could just <em>handle</em> things and somehow make any situation work in his favor?</p><p>She could probably never tell him such things, because Merlin knows it would go straight to that ego, which was already incredibly overfed, but damn it all if she didn't think right then that if he'd shown her anything over the past couple months, it was that all of his arrogance was entirely justified.</p><p>So she ran. Over fallen branches and around bushes and between trees, her legs pumping harder than they ever had, her feet somehow finding the way, her mind praying it was the right direction, to safety, to shelter—</p><p>Lily skidded to a halt as a low growl sounded somewhere in front of her, and then her heart was in her throat, her body frozen with panic, as the looming, wiry figure of Remus emerged from the shadows, eyes glowing, teeth snapping—</p><p>Fuck—where was <em>James</em>? Was he hurt? Or wor—no. She wouldn't—<em>couldn't</em>—think about that—of <em>worse</em>. She just had to get away from Remus and turn back and find James. She held out her wand, arm trembling, as her mind raced through spells she could use to try to immobilize him without hurting him, and she hardly noticed she was backing away slowly, and he was advancing toward her just as slow, like she was but a trapped mouse to a cat intent on playing with its food—</p><p>A crash sounded through the trees, another large figure emerging from seemingly nowhere, and Remus's head whipped around with a snarl right as Lily registered a pair of antlers catching Remus around the middle and launching him backwards. Remus hit a tree with a yelp and then got back to his feet, snarling and snapping, and Lily watched, rooted to the spot even though she should have been running, as the stag—wait, a <em>stag</em>? She'd never heard of stags in the Forest, but now that she looked more purposefully, that was plainly what stood before her—let out a snorting, growling sort of noise and pawed the ground like he was getting ready to charge. Where had he <em>come</em> from? And since when did stags barge in to interrupt a werewolf from attacking a human girl—</p><p>Wait. Oh, no. No, no, no. There was <em>no way</em>. That didn't make any <em>sense</em>.</p><p>Remus lunged, and the stag charged, the two meeting in the middle in a clash of antlers and hooves and claws and howls, and as Lily watched them fight, a figment of a conversation that felt like it was from another time floated to the front of her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Figured out what J is? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something that could impale a person?</em>
</p><p>Prongs. <em>Shit</em>. And she'd called Sirius a—<em>dog</em>. Padfoot. Fucking <em>hell</em>. What had these boys <em>done</em>?</p><p>An antler sliced through Remus's flank, his whimper ringing through the silence, and with a backward snarl he slunk into the shadows, limping as he went.</p><p>Lily watched Remus retreat until his rustling sounds disappeared, and then she turned to look at the stag, finding him still and already looking at her. She sucked in a breath, new adrenaline coursing through her body as it perceived this new large animal, but then her brain caught up as the stag began approaching her slowly, calmly.</p><p>Too slowly. Too calmly.</p><p>Normal stags didn't act like that.</p><p>He came right up to her, stopping less than an arms-length away, and Lily swallowed hard as she looked at him. He was magnificent.</p><p>Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "James?"</p><p>He blinked his eyes slowly, bowing his head toward her. Lily reached out a shaky hand, touched the fur on his face, and he nuzzled into her hand before reaching forward to nudge his wet nose across her cheek. A giggle escaped her at the ticklish touch, and her hand dropped to the mane at his neck, as soft and thick as the jet-black hair she usually had her fingers tangled in. Curiosity guided her as she reached up a hand to run tentative fingers along one of his antlers, smooth and sturdy, and more to herself than anything, she murmured softly, "<em>Prongs</em>."</p><p>He answered with another nuzzle to her cheek, and a wave of emotion unlike anything she'd ever known crashed over her just then. This majestic creature was <em>James</em>. James was a <em>stag</em>. And he'd just risked life and limb for <em>her</em>.</p><p>She buried her hands back in his mane and pressed her cheek against his, marveling at how soft his fur was under her skin, and when he lowered his head toward her, leaning into her embrace, she pressed a kiss between his eyes, memorizing that softness under her lips.</p><p>As she pulled away, he jerked his head gently beyond her, like he was motioning her to go.</p><p>Lily sighed. "Just to be clear, we're going to have a talk about whether there are any other monumental, life-changing secrets you've kept from me."</p><p>He actually rolled his eyes, and Lily had to bite back a laugh at the absurdity of seeing an animal do such a human mannerism.</p><p>"You're lucky you're such a good-looking animal," Lily teased, "or I might be more upset to learn my boyfriend's broken the law to become a woodland creature."</p><p>He nudged her with a playful snort, and she swore the twitch of his mouth just then was a smile.</p><p>A distant howling pierced the air and James's ears pricked as he turned his head, listening. Lily fleetingly wondered if that was why he seemed to hear better than any other human she'd met, and she was about to ask him when he turned suddenly, swinging his head in a more urgent motion that could only be interpreted as <em>go</em>. Lily nodded breathlessly and then turned and ran, forcing herself away from him by clinging to the thought that she'd see him at the castle when this was all over.</p><p>She looked back over her shoulder, saw him watching her, still as a statue, and then he turned and sprang silently into the trees.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Lily made it to the castle, sweaty and panting and a little bloody but euphoric to be alive, and though her legs felt like jelly after the exertion of getting herself back, they somehow managed to carry her straight to the Headmaster's office. She went up the spiral staircase, knocked loudly on the door out of habit right as she tried to handle, practically falling through the door when it turned out to be unlocked.</p><p>"Lily?"</p><p>Her head snapped up to womanly voice who had said her name, mouth falling open. Because there, sitting across from Dumbledore, were Euphemia and Fleamont.</p><p>Dumbledore stood up when he saw Lily, and she pushed the words out as she leaned heavily against a small table, not trusting herself to walk. "Dolohov and Avery—tied me up—left me—in the Shrieking Shack."</p><p>She hoped Dumbledore would know what that meant, and the anger that clouded his face just then—something terrifying, something Lily'd never seen from Dumbledore before but imagined had likely been how he looked when he dueled Grindewald—told her he knew exactly what that meant.</p><p>"Are you hurt?"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "Not injured, no."</p><p>"How did you escape?"</p><p>This was trickier. "James and Sirius. They showed up and—I got knocked over, I couldn't see everything, but—James got me—back."</p><p>Fleamont spoke for the first time. "Where is James?"</p><p>"He, um—he doubled back—to find Sirius—we got separated."</p><p>Fleamont and Euphemia looked confused. "Were Dolohov and Avery—"</p><p>But Dumbledore was frowning, and he spoke quietly over them. "Is Remus loose on the grounds?"</p><p>"Yes," Lily answered breathlessly.</p><p>With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore conjured a third chair in front of his desk and then wandered toward the window, his brow knitted in concern.</p><p>Lily tried to take a step and her leg buckled, like it had reached a point of giving up, and Euphemia and Fleamont jumped up and came over to help her. As they supported her toward the chair, she belatedly realized they were in costume. Ancient Greek costumes, to be precise.</p><p>"Were you—at Slughorn's?"</p><p>"Yes," Euphemia said gently. "When you and James didn't show up, we went up to the Gryffindor common room, and poor Mary was distraught, saying something happened and you were missing and the boys had taken off after you, so we came straight down to Albus's office."</p><p>Lily nodded, easing into the conjured chair, and sighed in relief as her body sagged into the chair, finally able to rest. She bizarrely realized she was still in her school uniform, having been taken under by the Slytherins before she could change into her dress.</p><p>She looked between James's parents, observing their costumes more closely. "Which characters are you dressed as?"</p><p>Fleamont chuckled. "Paris and Helen of Troy."</p><p>Lily couldn't help but grin. "We were supposed to be Guinevere and Godric. His idea."</p><p>Euphemia beamed at her.</p><p>Dumbledore returned to his seat at his desk, looking grave. "Euphemia, I confess there is something I've kept from you, and I hope you can forgive me."</p><p>Euphemia's eyes went wide. "Well, I'm sure whatever it is—"</p><p>Dumbledore held up a hand. "Please. You have every right to be angry with me." He sighed, leaning forward on his desk, and then went on, "I have kept this secret out of respect for a student, so that he may live as normal a life as possible, and it has, by and large, remained a secret. But if those two Slytherin boys know the truth—I fear his secret may be exposed, or at least it has the power to be at any time, and that would have severe repercussions."</p><p>"Albus—"</p><p>"Remus Lupin is a werewolf."</p><p>Lily watched the shocked faces of Euphemia and Fleamont look at each other, and then back at Dumbledore.</p><p>But he turned to Lily. "You knew, before tonight, I presume?"</p><p>She nodded. "I figured it out, yeah. And I told him I knew."</p><p>Dumbledore went on, "I built the Shrieking Shack for Mr. Lupin, so that he could turn every month in safety and privacy off castle grounds."</p><p>Euphemia paled, having made the connection. "They intended for Remus to kill Lily."</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head.</p><p>"And James—he knew? He—"</p><p>"Yes," Lily supplied. "The three of them—James, Sirius, and Peter—all knew. They—help him. I'm not sure how. But I'm sure that's how they found me so fast, once they realized I was missing. So when they showed up, Sirius dealt with Remus while James got me out, but then Remus got loose. I went on and James doubled back—"</p><p>The door to Dumbledore's office opened with a bang, and James crashed inside, like he couldn't stop moving. Lily was on her feet in an instant, and she watched his eyes dart over his parents as she skirted around her chair. He was sweaty, bloody, with a small cut slicing through one eyebrow and grass and dirt covering his clothes—clothes that Lily comprehended for the first time were his Godric costume, and she almost wanted to laugh, but then he was pulling her hard into his chest, and she could feel how hard he was breathing, how fast his heart was beating, as his arms closed like iron around her, his face pressed into her hair.</p><p>"I'm okay," she murmured as she squeezed him around his middle. "We're okay."</p><p>He finally pulled back, though he seemed reluctant, and turned to greet his parents before sitting in another conjured chair by Lily.</p><p>"Everyone's okay," he said, looking straight at Dumbledore. "Sirius and I got him back, he's subdued, and Sirius and Peter are there upstairs for when he wakes up."</p><p>Euphemia shrieked, "They're in the same <em>house </em>as a <em>werewolf</em>?"</p><p>"We put a shield up, so he can't get through the doorway of the main roo—"</p><p>James cut off, looking between his mother and Dumbledore, settling on the latter. "You told her."</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head. "James, I fear there is a very real possibility that Mr. Dolohov and Mr. Avery will not keep Mr. Lupin's secret."</p><p>Lily watched James's face fall as the truth of that hit him, and she reached over and took his hand without thinking.</p><p>"What—what do we do?"</p><p>"For the moment? Nothing."</p><p>James opened his mouth to protest, but Dumbledore held up a hand.</p><p>"There is nothing else we can control at this point, James. We wait—"</p><p>"You're Headmaster! You can haul them both up in here and swear them to secrecy! You can—"</p><p>"<em>James</em>."</p><p>He slumped back in his seat, rubbing his forehead, as he muttered, "Sorry."</p><p>Dumbledore's tone remained conversational. "It's quite alright. You've been through an intense ordeal, and I understand your desire to enact justice. But let your adrenaline calm down, and I think you'll see things as I do. Because we both know we are not dealing with two unruly troublemakers—we are dealing, effectively, with Voldemort, through some of his junior Death Eaters."</p><p>That label—<em>Death Eater</em>—reminded her of a question she'd had all night, one she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to.</p><p>"How did they know about Remus? Was it from them tailing me?"</p><p>Dumbledore's expression softened. "No, you needn't carry that burden. Mr. Snape has known about Mr. Lupin's condition since your fifth year."</p><p>"<em>What?</em>"</p><p>Her stomach twisted, the shock of that revelation seeming to squeeze all the air out of her lungs. She'd always known he'd suspected, but those times when he tried to tell her—he actually <em>knew</em>? And not only did he know, but he had <em>used</em> that information to help plot her <em>murder</em>?</p><p>Dumbledore continued, "He swore me to me that he would keep Mr. Lupin's secret, in large part because of the debt he owed—still owes—to James."</p><p>Her mouth fell even further as she turned to look at James. "That's what—you saved him from <em>Remus</em>?"</p><p>He swallowed hard. "Yeah. He got all the way to the end of the tunnel. Got a glimpse of him, almost got his arm bitten off, actually, he froze as soon as he realized what he'd gotten himself into. I got him out."</p><p>Lily sat back as she processed this information, a mixture of admiration for James and hatred for Snape and fear for Remus all surging through her at once.</p><p>Euphemia spoke up. "We'll need to discuss all possibilities, Albus."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>James whipped around to his mother. "Remus is staying."</p><p>"I never said—"</p><p>"He'd done <em>nothing</em> wrong, he can't help—"</p><p>"<em>James</em>. I will do everything in my power to make sure Remus is safe and protected here at Hogwarts, but it's my job to consider <em>every possibility</em>. Alright?"</p><p>He nodded, slumping back in his chair.</p><p>Dumbledore surveyed her and James for a moment, and then said, "You're both exhausted. Why don't you get cleaned up and rest, and we can talk some more tomorrow?"</p><p>Lily heard the dismissal in his tone, knew he was dismissing them so he could speak with Euphemia and Fleamont alone, and more than anything, she was grateful, because now that the adrenaline had worn off and her legs had rested, she felt deeply weary, like her very bones were tired. From a glance at James and the glassy expression in his eyes, she thought he felt the same.</p><p>They got up slowly, hugged off by Euphemia and Fleamont, and made their way out of Dumbledore's office and straight to the elf passages, holding hands but walking in silence. When they reached the fifth floor, James paused and looked at her.</p><p>"Party's probably going on in the common room."</p><p>Lily shook her head weakly. "James, I can't."</p><p>"Me either. C'mon."</p><p>And he led her through the portrait and down the hall toward their office, where he immediately started peeling his sweaty layers from his body.</p><p>"Could probably use a bath across the hall, to be honest," he said, a feeble attempt at levity.</p><p>But Lily had seen the faint scratches over his chest, like Remus had just grazed him with his claws, and images of Remus turning and James as a stag fighting him were flooding her mind, and she didn't even notice she was staring, trembling, but then James said softly, "Lily. C'mere."</p><p>And she went to him, let him pull her into his chest and wrap his arms around her and press kisses to her head as he stroked her hair, and suddenly all the emotions she'd suppressed over the past hours, all the panic and fear and terror and sadness she'd endured rose like a tidal wave inside her, and with a deep, choking sob, it crashed.</p><p>If it wasn't for James holding her up, she wasn't sure she'd be able to stand, but as it was, she barely noticed anything aside from the sobs wracking her whole body, loud and painful and gasping like she hadn't cried since she'd sat in James's shower covered in mud and blood.</p><p>"Shh." James's chest rumbled with his voice, a gentle purr against her cheek. "Breathe, Lil. I got you. You're safe now. Just breathe."</p><p>She tried, she really did, but it all felt like too much to bear, and every time she thought she was done, there would be another thought, another memory, and it would set in all over again. James led her slowly toward one of the chairs by the fire, settling in with his legs sprawled onto the ottoman, and Lily followed him, curling up into his side and snuggling into his chest. He let her cry, his fingertips twirling in her hair, trailing over her back, and when her tears finally started to slow, he said softly, "It started second year."</p><p>Lily sniffed hard, bringing up a sleeve to wipe her runny nose, and asked thickly, "What?"</p><p>James seemed unperturbed by the amount of snot currently covering his shirt, and simply went on, "Figuring out how to become Animagi. We started researching second year."</p><p>The shock of that revelation propelled her head off his chest like nothing else had. "No fucking way."</p><p>James chuckled, hazel eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "<em>Way</em>, Evans. I snuck books from the library under the cloak so no one would know we had them. We'd figured out Remus's secret, and we could see how hard transforming was on him. Dumbledore had set up the Shrieking Shack, so he at least had a safe place to go, but back then—I mean, fuck, he was only <em>twelve</em>, and he had to go there <em>alone</em> every month just <em>dreading</em> it and <em>hating</em> himself, and—it was fucking miserable to watch, so I knew we had to do <em>something</em>. I sort of forget how we realized it now, but I think Sirius figured out that werewolves can't turn animals, only humans—"</p><p>Lily couldn't help herself. "Sirius Black read a book <em>voluntarily</em>?"</p><p>James laughed earnestly at that, jostling her shoulder. "He does do that on occasion, but only when it involves helping a friend."</p><p>Lily smiled, propping herself up into the crook of the armchair so she could watch him.</p><p>"Continue, Library Book Thief."</p><p>James smirked and shifted so that he faced her. "Anyway. We figured out werewolves couldn't turn animals, so it just made sense to become animals so we could be with him. But then we realized that just transfiguring into an animal wasn't enough—to keep your consciousness, you have to be an Animagi."</p><p>Lily's eyes widened. "So you…did it?"</p><p>James grinned proudly. "In fifth year. Took us a few years to manage it, but we got there in the end."</p><p>Lily could only stare at him. In<em> fifth year</em>? She'd studied that potion, that process, just the month before. Hell, they'd <em>talked</em> about it just the month before—</p><p>"You knew!"</p><p>His brow furrowed. "Knew what?"</p><p>Lily rubbed her forehead. "That was stupid—of course you knew, you <em>are</em> one—"</p><p>"What're you—"</p><p>"When we were studying this in Transfiguration earlier. That night you guessed what I'd be, and then I guessed you—I tried to tell you that you'd be a…"</p><p>"Eagle," James supplied.</p><p>"Yes! And you bloody <em>bastard</em>, you knew what you were and you just let me muddle on and—and—<em>compliment</em> you!"</p><p>He smirked at her. "I <em>absolutely</em> let you compliment me. Are you kidding?"</p><p>Lily swatted him, but then asked seriously, "<em>Fifth year</em>? James, that's—well, it's <em>incredible</em>."</p><p>James smiled, picking up her hand in his and interlacing their fingers, and then he told her everything. He told her what he remembered about convincing Sirius and Peter they could do it, about Remus being initially reluctant but moved by his friends' efforts. About the long, arduous process of becoming an Animagi, the collection of ingredients, keeping the mandrake leaf in his mouth for a month, how Peter had had to start that process over multiple times, their obsession with the weather.</p><p>"We literally signed up for Divination thinking we could figure out how to foresee when an electrical storm would happen."</p><p>Lily snorted. "Is that why your monthly predictions fourth year so heavily featured weather disasters?"</p><p>James smiled sheepishly. "You remember that?"</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. "You four practically took over the common room every month to write out those stupid predictions, and you always shouted them as you thought of them, like it was some dumb ritual of crazy. And then you'd always include one about <em>me</em>, and you'd look over at me when you shouted that <em>Evans would finally want to go out with you</em>."</p><p>James chuckled, but then his eyes softened as he looked at her. "I <em>was</em> sort of right about that."</p><p>"Prat. Anyway, you were at the part about the electrical storm?"</p><p>"Oh, yeah. Had to wait bloody ages for one, it was miserable…"</p><p>And he told her about the night it finally happened, early in term of fifth year, when it had still felt like summer and there had been an intense heat storm, and they had all rushed out of bed at three o'clock in the morning to complete the ritual. He told her about learning he was a stag and seeing his reflection in the lake. He told her how he and Sirius then started going off exploring all of the grounds and land beyond, up in the mountains and caves, in their Animagus forms.</p><p>"Last week? When we came back to the common room?"</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "You mean, when you flaunted the hickies I'd left you?"</p><p>His grin was far too smug. "You marked your territory, they had to know."</p><p>Warmth flooded her insides. <em>Her territory</em>. And now he really <em>was</em> hers. Her <em>boyfriend</em>.</p><p>"Anyway," James continued, oblivious to the sappy thoughts swirling in her brain, "we hadn't actually been out for a fly, that was just a cover for going out on a roam over the grounds."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed. "That's how you found that cave."</p><p>James nodded. "We've found a lot of cool caves, but that one has the best view."</p><p>She bit her lip briefly, then asked, "Will you show me?"</p><p>He smiled. "Of course."</p><p>Lily hesitated, tracing patters around his chest, stalling before she asked the one question she really wanted to know above all others. "Would you have told me?"</p><p>James reached up tucked her hair behind her ear, trailing fingers along her cheek.</p><p>"Yes," he said firmly. "But…maybe not right away. I hadn't thought it all through yet. It's not just my secret, you know?"</p><p>Lily nodded. She did know. These boys were bound together in secrets so deep she couldn't have dreamt them if she'd tried. And now, in a way, she was bound up in those secrets with them.</p><p>His voice was tentative, nervous. "Are you…upset?"</p><p>She shook her head. "No, I understand. It's…honestly, it's something I really admire about you, how loyal you are to your friends."</p><p>There was a softness in his eyes, the dancing firelight bringing out all of the gold, as he smiled at her. "And you," he said quietly. "I'm loyal to you. Lily, you mean everything to me."</p><p>New tears welled in her eyes, and she reached up to push the hair out of his eyes, her voice choked. "You mean everything to me, too."</p><p>He kissed her forehead, then pulled her snugly against him, and Lily breathed him in, tried to cement every sensation, every detail in her mind, before she drifted off to sleep in his arms.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Enough Ghosts For One Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The smattering of rain against the window slowly roused Lily from sleep. She vaguely registered the feeling of warm skin under her cheek, of arms heavy over her. <em>James</em>. She felt disoriented. <em>What time was it?</em> The room was dark, the fire burned down to its embers. James was still breathing steadily, sound asleep. Lily traced circles on his chest, cycling through all that had happened the night before in her mind. She couldn't remember how she had gotten to the Shrieking Shack—the last memory she had was of taking the steps down to the dungeons—but everything that happened after she came to was seared in her mind, as vivid as a dream she thought she was still in upon waking.</p><p>James stirred underneath her, his breath changing as he cracked a bleary eye. Lily smiled to herself, reaching up a hand to push his hair from his forehead as she said softly, "Good morning, boyfriend."</p><p>His eyes were closed again, but he smiled as he leaned into her touch and then kissed the inside of her arm. "Morning, girlfriend."</p><p>Her insides did a little somersault. Merlin, did she like the sound of that. And with all the events of the prior day, she'd barely had a second to actually sit with the fact that they were really <em>together</em>. A couple. An item. In a <em>relationship</em>. For some reason just <em>thinking</em> about it left her all fluttery and nervous, which didn't make any <em>sense</em>. The boy had pulled muddy frog guts out of her hair and had helped her be sick on more than one occasion, not to mention had witnessed more ugly cries than even her girlfriends had ever seen, and yet <em>this</em> is what made her nervous? Him calling her his <em>girlfriend</em>?</p><p>James rubbed his eyes under his glasses and then looked at her curiously. "What are you thinking about?"</p><p>Lily bit her lip. How did he <em>do</em> that, just bloody <em>know</em> when something was on her mind?</p><p>"Um—<em>us</em>, actually."</p><p>His eyebrows lifted slightly, and he cleared his throat, sitting up straighter. "What about…us?"</p><p>Her skin felt hot, and she distracted herself with looking at her fingers playing in his hair as she said, "I just…can't really believe it, I guess. That we're…<em>here</em>. I mean, if you would have told me on the Hogwarts Express that I'd want you to be my boyfriend by Halloween…"</p><p>James chuckled and leaned forward to nuzzle her cheek as he said softly, "You would've hexed me off the train."</p><p>Lily laughed. "Possibly, yes."</p><p>He pressed a soft kiss to her jaw. "And now?"</p><p>Lily sighed, nuzzling her own face in his neck. "I'm quite happy about it."</p><p>She felt his smile by her ear as his arms tightened around her. "I'm happy too, Evans. Probably more than I should be with everything else that happened, but <em>fuck</em>, I'm so happy."</p><p>Tears pricked her eyes as the weight of those words—<em>everything else</em>—hit her core. She knew what he meant. The Slytherins had plotted her actual murder, Snape had betrayed Remus's secret, and Remus's last moments of consciousness had been thinking that he was about to turn and kill Lily. And she hadn't even thought, until that moment, what it must have been like for James in the time leading up to him finding her. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, willing herself to set those thoughts aside for later. She didn't want to rehash it all yet. She didn't want to talk about it out loud. She just wanted to sit there, with James holding her close, and stay inside their little bubble away from reality.</p><p>"Lil?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>James pulled back from her, pushing her hair behind her ears. "So, part of being a stag is that some of my senses are heightened. Especially hearing and, erm, smelling."</p><p>She remembered random moments of James seeming to listen when she hadn't heard any noise. "Okay, makes sense."</p><p>He arched a brow at her, his mouth quirking at the corner. "We reek, love."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>He was right, of course. He was always bloody right. But thankfully, as it was early on Saturday morning, there was nobody in the corridor or in the Prefects' Bathroom across the hall, and after locking the door behind them, they proceeded to fill the pool-sized tub with steaming hot water and as many bubble baths as they could find before stripping off their soiled clothes and lowering themselves into the water. Lily thought it was probably a sign of how gross a state they'd realized they were in that despite being naked and alone, their immediate focus was to shampoo their hair mercilessly and then scrub the sweat and grime from their bodies.</p><p>"I feel <em>raw</em>," Lily muttered, examining her pink arm.</p><p>"Mmm." James had his eyes closed, his head floating at the surface. Lily mimicked him, ducking her head back until she felt the water lapping around her hairline. The heat of the water was deliciously soothing on her aching muscles, and Lily floated contentedly, reveling in how good it felt to truly <em>relax</em> after the nonstop action of the past twenty-four hours.</p><p>Suddenly she felt fingers trace up her arms and along her neck, where they paused to massage lightly into the base of her skull. She smiled and sighed into his touch, and then she felt his breath tickle her face right before soft lips pressed against hers. It was like the warmth of the water had seeped into her skin, filling her body with that soothing heat, as his mouth moved gently against hers. The brush of his nose on her chin and the way his hands cradled her head told her he was kissing her upside-down, and her stomach gave a flutter at how <em>hot</em> that was. Was there anything this boy couldn't do to make her <em>swoon</em>?</p><p>She reached up to slide her fingers through his wet hair and heard the soft groan in his throat, so she used the fleeting moment of his pause to run her tongue along his parted lips. His fingers tightened as a second groan escaped him, this time with a hoarse, "<em>Lily</em>," right behind.</p><p>In one fluid movement, Lily pulled herself from his grasp, twisting up and around to face him. He had a dazed look on his face, his cheeks ruddy from the steam of the bath, and a set of long pink scratches now stood out starkly along his chest and over the tops of his arms.</p><p>"<em>James</em>, what—" She traced the scratches with her fingertips; all of them looked shallow.</p><p>"It's nothing," James told her quietly. "I tousled with Remus a bit, but some of these look more like tree branch scratches than anything from him."</p><p>Lily looked up at him, meeting his eyes. The morning sunrise was just starting to shine through the stained glass, sending dazzling sparkles of colored light all over the bubble-filled room and making James's eyes look like shining gold. He'd left his glasses with his clothes, and Lily marveled again at how different his face looked without them, how much more intense his gaze seemed without the barrier of the lens.</p><p>Her hands still rested on his chest, and she suddenly had a visceral memory of being in this very pool, her hand on his bare torso for the first time under the water.</p><p>"What are you smirking about?" James asked.</p><p>Lily smiled at him. "Remember the first time we were in here? That first weekend back at school?"</p><p>His lips lifted into that easy grin that made her knees weak. "As if I could ever forget it, Evans."</p><p>She pushed against his chest playfully. "You planned it all just to see me in a swimsuit, didn't you?"</p><p>James chuckled. "Well, we did need a steam after trials, but <em>obviously</em> I wanted you there, so yeah, I thought it was a pretty perfect win-win, actually."</p><p>"Prat," Lily teased. James smiled but then reached up and smoothed her wet hair back from her face, his voice low and soft as he said, "Fuck, I wanted to kiss you that day."</p><p>Lily moved closer to him, sliding her hands over his abdomen and around his sides under the water. "Show me," she said quietly. "What you wanted. What you…thought about. After."</p><p>James's breath caught in his throat, and then he asked, "You remember that?"</p><p>Lily giggled. "Are you kidding? You told me you had to get yourself off so you could make it through <em>dinner</em>."</p><p>James chuckled lightly as he ducked around her mouth. "It's the truth, Evans. You had me halfway there the whole fucking time we were in this pool."</p><p>Lily smiled up at him. "You had me halfway too, you know."</p><p>He smirked. "Yeah, I saw you checking me out."</p><p>She arched a brow back. "And I saw you up-down me before I got in."</p><p>His voice was a low purr. "I can still picture you in that suit. <em>Fuck</em>, you looked perfect."</p><p>Lily ducked her head to his neck, hearing his small groan as she kissed his throat, and one of his hands cradled the back of her head against him while his other hand pressed firmly into her back.</p><p>"<em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>She swirled her tongue against his skin, pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw. "Show me," she said again. "I want to do what you fantasized about."</p><p>That earned her another groan and an involuntary little thrust of his hips, that thick length pressing harder into her stomach. He nudged her cheek, and Lily pulled her head from his neck, finding his mouth instead. She let him lead, and he kissed her slowly, his tongue tracing her mouth in a languid pattern while his hands slid around her body, squeezing hips, breasts, bum. Lily let herself relax into him, her own hands roaming arms, shoulders, neck, hair, and soon he was guiding her up and she was wrapping her legs around his waist and he was cutting through the water until cold stone pressed into her back. She let out a small gasp at the contact, breaking their kiss.</p><p>James hovered by her face. "Is this okay?"</p><p>She knew he was asking about her time in this very pool with Chuck Davies, and her heart warmed at the care in his voice, the concern in his eyes. She wanted to tell him it would always be okay, because it was <em>him</em>, <em>James</em>, the only boy who'd ever made her feel this safe, this happy, this—loved? But her throat was suddenly tight and her heart was beating too fast and so she just nodded and managed to choke out a whispered, "Yeah."</p><p>He kissed her, something heady that made her hips squirm and fully appreciate that she was pressed against the side of his length with her legs around his waist like that, and this must have been what he wanted because his hands slid down, fingertips sinking into her bum where he gripped her, guiding her weightless body so that her pleasure point rubbed along his length as they rocked teasingly against each other.</p><p>Her brows knitted together, eyes scrunched, as the new sensation of direct pleasure zinged through her veins, joining all those other sensations—soothing warmth from the water, tingling from his touch, heat from his mouth—flooding her body.</p><p>"<em>James</em>—"</p><p>His lips were at her forehead, skimming around her eyes, and then she felt him shift his grip so he was supporting her with one arm and guiding her knee up with the other, bending it to the side of her body, and Lily bucked against him, crying out as that opening, that angle—fucking <em>angles</em>—changed the feeling of his touch completely.</p><p>"<em>There</em> it is," James said quietly, and Lily's heart fluttered as she heard that <em>knowing </em>in his voice. She could feel it, a new building of pressure, a whole new hit of pleasure, and she pulled up her other knee, bracing her foot on his arm as he increased the speed of his strokes against that sensitive spot, now even more open for him, more throbbing—</p><p>"Lil—fuck, baby—"</p><p>His own eyes were scrunching as he watched her, and Lily was sure he was getting close right along with her.</p><p>"James—I'm <em>close</em>—"</p><p>"Fuck—me too—"</p><p>Her knees pulled up higher, that pressure building, almost painful. "<em>James</em>—"</p><p>James bent his face to hers, his breath hot on her lips. "How d'you wanna come, love?"</p><p>Lily knew he was really asking whether she wanted him inside her, and she surprised herself in how she immediately knew the answer. Reaching down between them, she took his length in her hand, stilling his rocking movements against her, and guided his tip to press against that sensitive spot. She thought the sudden pull of pleasure over his face had to mirror her own, because the second she made that contact, she knew she was only seconds away. His hands gripped her bum, supported her open knees, and she squirmed her hips against him, rubbing and swirling his smooth tip right where she needed it, and she barely comprehended the strangled cries and whimpering <em>James James James</em> that tumbled from her mouth as she pushed herself over the edge, but then she guided him down to her opening and it was like her senses reawakened, because James was instantly pushing into her, adjusting his hold on her so he could pump in and out of her, and his groans were guttural, gravelly in her ear, his muscles tense under her hands, his skin smooth in the warm water.</p><p>"<em>Lil</em>—baby, baby, fuck—<em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>He was pounding into her spasms, and though it all had seemed to happen in rather slow motion, her mind a pleasured daze, Lily thought it had been only a matter of seconds until that wave of liquid heat rushed within her, echoing the lapping water around the rest of her body.</p><p>Her face was buried in his crook of his neck, and she breathed him in as he caught his breath, his chest rising and falling over her, his heartbeat rapid. At the gentle prompting of his fingers on her thighs, Lily lowered her legs from around his waist, giving him space to pull out of her, and an instant ache hit her, an immediate craving for him back inside.</p><p>"James—"</p><p>But he pulled her body flush against his, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, her back, as his mouth pressed firmly into the top of her head. Lily sighed into him, nuzzling deeper into his skin, pressing a kiss to the angry pink scratch passing under her cheek.</p><p>That's when she heard it: a shaky, rattling breath in his chest, followed by a soft sniff. She froze. Was James really—<em>crying</em>?</p><p>She wrapped her arms tighter around his middle, squeezing her fingers into his skin, and felt him let out another long, choppy breath as his face nuzzled against her head.</p><p>"Hey," she said softly. "Ja—"</p><p>But he cut her off, his voice muffled against her hair, and Lily didn't miss the crack at the end as he murmured, "I almost lost you."</p><p>Her heart broke at that sound, at that <em>sentence</em>, and she squeezed her eyes shut against her own tears now surging up at the weight of those words. She shook her head weakly, her voice thick as she said against his chest, "But you didn't—you <em>didn't</em>. We're safe, we're <em>all</em> safe, because you <em>saved</em> me."</p><p>"Dumb luck," he muttered, and he didn't even try to hide that he was crying now as his chest heaved uncontrollably and his sniffs punctuated his words. "I was so fucking <em>lucky</em>. What if I hadn't had the map? What if your friends hadn't seen the note you got? What if we'd gotten there even one minute—fuck, <em>thirty seconds</em>—later than we did? I'm supposed to <em>protect</em> you—"</p><p>"And you <em>did</em>," Lily said firmly. But she could feel James shake his head above her.</p><p>"Not like I was supposed to. We <em>knew</em> something was going to happen, and I was supposed to <em>keep</em> it from happening. Fuck, I should have <em>been</em> there, Lily—"</p><p>"<em>Stop</em>." She pulled her head off his chest, reaching her hands up to grab his neck, desperate to put a stop to his spiral. "James, look at me."</p><p>He didn't move for a moment, only breathed shakily, like he was trying to collect himself. Lily waited, rubbing small circles into his hairline, and with a final sniff, he eventually pulled back to look at her. His usual dancing eyes were swimming in tears, and his cheeks were wet, his nose red. Lily's heart cracked at the sight, fresh tears springing up in her own eyes, but she swallowed hard, determined not to fall apart just then.</p><p>She spoke the words slowly. "You <em>saved</em> me, James. You can't dwell on what might have happened, because we only have what <em>did</em> happen. You <em>did</em> have the map. The girls <em>did</em> see the note. You <em>did</em> get there in time. We're all alive and okay and we're <em>here</em>."</p><p>"I just—"</p><p>Lily pressed her fingers gently against his lips and forced a small smile. "Do you remember what you said to me once, when I was about to do a <em>what if</em> spiral?"</p><p>His eyes searched hers curiously, but he didn't say anything.</p><p>"You said, and I quote"—Lily lowered her voice, doing her best <em>boy</em> impression—"<em>We're not talking it to death. Be in the fucking moment</em>." James stared at her for a beat, and then, for good measure, Lily added an exaggerated, "<em>Evans</em>."</p><p>That earned her a smile, even if it was a small one, but he protested, "That wasn't the same—"</p><p>"Isn't it?" She slid her hands up to cradle his face. "Don't torture yourself," she pleaded. "I can't <em>bear</em> to think about what might have happened if you and Sirius hadn't burst through that hole when you did, but it <em>doesn't matter</em> now. I don't <em>need</em> to think about it because that would only make me hysterical and the reality is that I'm <em>here—</em>right here, James<em>—</em>perfectly alive and well in the Prefects' Bathroom with my <em>boyfriend</em> who <em>saved</em> me."</p><p>James rested his forehead against hers, framing her face in his hands. "I care about you so fucking much, Lily."</p><p>"I know," she told him, sweeping her thumbs over his cheeks. "I <em>know</em>, and I care about you too, James."</p><p>He kissed her, his lips crushing against hers, and Lily returned his fire, kissing him harder than she ever had, needing him to know she felt it, she <em>understood</em>. She didn't know how long they kissed like that, only that his hands were big enough to cradle her whole face and they were both breathing hard through their noses and she couldn't tell whose tears were whose when she tasted salt dripping between their lips, but they must have been moving against each other without her realizing it because all of a sudden she felt that pressure—felt <em>James</em>—right against her opening. He must have felt it too, because he broke their kiss, breathing hard, and as Lily finally let her brain catch up with her body, she noticed that her legs had wrapped back around his waist and her elbows were digging into his shoulders while her hands had buried in his hair.</p><p>James breathed, "Can we—" and Lily cut him off with an instant, "<em>Yes</em>," just <em>needing</em> him, more than she'd ever needed him before. He slid fully inside her, pinning her back against the side of the pool with his hips as his hands slid down to squeeze her breasts and then grip her waist.</p><p>"Fuck, <em>Lily</em>—"</p><p>She cut him off with a kiss, lips fervent, elbows slippery as she tried to leverage herself against him, and James groaned into her mouth as he withdrew slowly before sliding all the way back in. Their kiss broke but their faces hovered next to each other, their breath ragged as they traded soft kisses while James kept up his slow rhythm. Lily whimpered softly, tightening her fingers in his hair.</p><p>"James?"</p><p>"Yeah, love?"</p><p>"You know I mean it?"</p><p>He paused, his eyes searching hers. "Mean what?"</p><p>"What I say, when I say it back." She swallowed hard. "You always say things first, and I don't want you to think I'm just saying it back to say something back, because I <em>mean</em> it. I <em>care</em> about you, James, fuck, I—I'm <em>in love</em> with you, I just feel like—everything's <em>right</em> with you—"</p><p>Her voice cracked as a sob rose in her throat, and James rested his forehead back on hers, nuzzling the side of her nose with his. "I know," he choked, and Lily didn't have to open her eyes to know he was crying again too. "I <em>do</em>, Lil. And I can't even tell you—how fucking <em>happy</em>—fuck."</p><p>He ducked away from her at that, sniffling hard, and Lily cradled his head, kissing ear, hair, forehead—whatever piece of him she could find.</p><p>James sucked in a deep, shaky breath before pulling his face back to hers, his voice thick as he pushed out the words. "I'm so in love with you and—<em>fuck</em>, I almost fucking—<em>lost</em> you—"</p><p>"Shh, James—"</p><p>Lily frantically wiped his cheeks, pushed his hair back out of his eyes, her heart breaking over and over again at every new wave of emotion that overcame him. She could scarcely believe it; this was <em>James</em>, ruthless dueler, continual prankster, constant laugher, intimidator extraordinaire when he wanted to be—looking at her with a sadness and fear she'd never seen out of him before, and all but sobbing as he clutched her tightly. Her own tears were spilling silently onto her face, and James lifted a hand to wipe them away with his thumb. But this shift of his body against hers reminded her that he was still inside her, and she gasped softly as the movement caused a zing of pleasure despite all the raw emotion overwhelming her just then.</p><p>She kissed him softly, tentatively, as she rolled her hips against him, and then he gave her a tentative kiss back as he thrust up into her slowly. Another small kiss, another slow slide. He kept one hand on her face but grasped the ledge behind her head with the other, and Lily shifted up to loop an arm around his neck, pressing her chest against his.</p><p>"I'm right here," she whispered.</p><p>A flash of pleasure crossed his face, mingling with all the emotion still there, as he pushed up inside her, and Lily grazed her lips over his, letting them linger by each other as James moved against her.</p><p>She ceded control, letting him set the pace, somehow knowing that he wanted—<em>needed</em>—to drag this out as long as possible, to fully convince himself that she was <em>there</em>, with him, not lost. And for awhile they both still cried softly as they moved gingerly against each other, like one person's tears would trigger the other into a new cycle of reliving the fear and sadness of <em>what if</em>. And eventually Lily stopped trying to push it down and just let it out, let herself feel everything she felt about the night before, let all the tears come, and then something in her finally <em>relaxed</em>.</p><p>Maybe it was the same for James, because suddenly, something about him felt less rigid than before. He dropped the hand that had been cradling her face down to her bum, meeting her movements with a new circular thrust of his hips, and Lily cried out at the sudden wave of pleasure that hit her from that change in pressure.</p><p>"You said to show you," James murmured, and though his voice was husky, it was no longer thick with new tears. "What I thought about that day when I got off to you after we were in here"—Lily moaned, ducking to the side of his face, but James found her ear with his lips—"You asked me to tell you—in the store cupboard—remember? And I told you I—fucked you—but that was a lie"—Lily sucked in a breath—"I fantasized about making love to you, Lily—just like this—"</p><p>She cried out again, pushing against his slippery shoulders so she could look at his face.</p><p>"<em>James</em>—"</p><p>"Baby," he breathed, "fuck, I need to feel you come."</p><p>Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, leveraging herself so she could grind against his pelvis. "I will, J—<em>fuck</em>—will you—<em>oh</em>—"</p><p>"Tell me." His breath was hot on her face, his lips brushing over hers as he spoke. "What d'you need, love?"</p><p>"Touch me," she gasped, and he slipped a hand between them, his palm a firm pressure on her stomach while his fingertips found that sensitive spot and immediately started giving her the pressure and speed she hadn't been able to get on her own with her body sluggish in the water.</p><p>Pleasure shot up her spine, a warm wave that engulfed her whole being, as she arched against him, digging her shoulder blades into the tile behind her as her hands grasped at his face.</p><p>"That's it, Lily." His eyes searched hers, his lips turning up in a smile as his breath came fast, his own hips still working against her. The sun was fully up now, dousing the room in a golden haze as little streaks of colored light bounced off the water and glinted off the gold hardware. Lily felt like she was in a dream, in some bizarre twist of a snow globe, surrounded by fluffy white bubbles and lapping water and golden eyes that seemed to see straight into her soul.</p><p>"<em>There</em>, J—babe—right there." Her eyes squinted shut, her pressure building.</p><p>James kissed her softly, then murmured, "Lil, look at me."</p><p>She fought to open her eyes, her hips squirming against his touch, everything about the angle of him inside her and the pressure of his fingers combining to bring her straight toward the edge. "<em>James</em>—fuck, I'm <em>close</em>—"</p><p>He held her gaze, his brow furrowing as his own pleasure tugged at his face. "You mean so fucking much to me, Lily—"</p><p>Her heart swooped into her throat, her hands framing his face. "<em>James</em>—"</p><p>His eyes closed fleetingly and his throat bobbed before he said, "Fuck, I love hearing you say my name like that. Like you just—"</p><p>"Need you," Lily finished for him, her own breath ragged. "You're the only one—who's <em>ever</em> made me feel like this. Fuck, <em>James</em>—"</p><p>"Like what?" His fingertip swirled in a perfect rhythm, the pressure almost unbearable, as he purred, "How do I make you feel?"</p><p>"Alive," she breathed back. "So fucking <em>alive—</em>oh—"</p><p>His eyes scrunched harder. "Fuck—I'm—Lil, I can't—I'm there, love—"</p><p>"Me too—<em>James</em>—yes, <em>yes</em>—"</p><p>She felt him come the moment before she did, his release warm and pulsing inside her as pleasure cleaved her in two, and James was still touching her, his lips grazing hers as he murmured, "<em>Yes</em>, love—<em>fuck</em>, I feel you—hey, look at me—"</p><p>Lily forced her eyes open, found those hazel orbs already fixed on her, sparkling with hundreds of flecks of color in the sunlight drenching the room. James slid his hand away from her front to loop around her back, cradling her against him as they rocked through their climax together, and whispered, "You're perfect, Lily."</p><p>She felt <em>full</em>, so full. Full of James, full of life, full of <em>happiness</em>. Full enough to burst, wishing she could bottle up the excess and keep it tucked away.</p><p>With a dazed smile, Lily reached up and pushed his hair from his eyes, momentarily in awe of him. He'd created a map that showed where everyone was in the whole castle. He'd become an Animagus at the age of fifteen. He'd dueled four Slytherins at once. And now he'd saved her from near-certain death, and he thought <em>she</em> was perfect?</p><p>"Nah," she told him, "that's you, Potter."</p><p>His eyes crinkled as he smiled, a faint pink twinge coloring his cheeks, and he kissed her sweetly before pulling out of her and saying playfully, "Reckon we should do this more often."</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "Shag?"</p><p>He chuckled. "In here. Specifically."</p><p>"You know, Potter, that might be one of your better ideas."</p><p>James just winked. "I tend to have those now and again."</p><p>The water had cooled, and Lily shivered, suddenly realizing the skin of her fingertips were starting to shrivel. James kissed her forehead and murmured, "Take breakfast to the Shack with me?"</p><p>She hummed her agreement, kissing the clammy skin of his chest, and they turned to make their way lazily through the water, moving like they were in slow motion, and then clamber up the steps leading out of the pool, where they'd left a stack of towels. It was when Lily was scrunching the water from her hair, another towel tied around her chest, that she looked over at James and frowned.</p><p>"Er—we don't have any clothes?"</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Problem-solver that he was, James summoned Wemby, who then disappeared with a <em>crack</em> only to reappear a few minutes later with James's backpack, holding fresh clothes for both of them and outfits for the others, and who was then waiting for them when they reached the bottom of the elf passages several minutes after that.</p><p>The smell wafting from the kitchens was glorious, and Lily didn't realize until her stomach gave an inappropriately loud gurgle just how starving she was. But Wemby procured them plates towering with food, and Lily made sure to sample everything as she watched a set of house-elves scurry around the kitchen packing items up for them to take to the boys.</p><p>Lily's heart gave a little flop. The boys. <em>Remus</em>. She'd been so wrapped up in her own trauma that she hadn't properly thought through what Remus must be feeling just then. Was he awake yet? Had he even slept? Did he know she was alive? Morbidly, Lily thought that surely Remus would notice the main room wasn't splattered with blood, and there wouldn't be any body parts, so—</p><p>"<em>Evans</em>."</p><p>Her head snapped up to James, watching her with a furrowed brow. "Where'd you go just then? I think I said your name three times."</p><p>Lily pushed her food around her plate, suddenly not very hungry anymore. "I was just…thinking about Remus. And what he's probably thinking about right now. If he's up."</p><p>James nodded gravely. "He'll be up. He doesn't usually sleep well on full moon nights."</p><p>Lily pushed her plate away. "We should get going. I'm worried about him."</p><p>It was then that she noticed James had eaten even less than she had, but he smiled and said, "Let's go."</p><p>With profuse thanks to Wemby, James slung his bag—charmed to fit all the food packed by the house-elves—over his shoulder and led Lily back out of the kitchens.</p><p>They crossed the main hall in silence, both looking over their shoulders even though no one else seemed to be up and about yet, but once they were going down the front steps, his hand slipped into hers and he asked shyly, "Is this okay?"</p><p>Lily smirked up at him. "What, you think I don't want to hold your hand?"</p><p>James looked momentarily surprised. "Well—I mean—I dunno—you could be <em>not</em> the hand-holding type of girlfriend—which would be fine, obviously—and I'm kind of new to the whole being a boyfriend thing, and—"</p><p>"<em>James</em>." Lily grinned up at him, somehow finding him even cuter than normal when he was blabbing on like a nervous dork, and threaded her fingers through his. He stopped talking immediately, glancing down at where their fingers were now intertwined.</p><p>Lily bumped him playfully with her shoulder. "Hand-holding type."</p><p>James squeezed her fingers. "Good."</p><p>They walked on quietly, following the path down the grounds, and Lily sucked in deep breaths of fresh air, taking in the landscape around her.</p><p>"It's so different in the day," she mused.</p><p>"It's usually peaceful at night, too," James told her.</p><p>Lily looked up at him curiously. "How often do you come out here at night?"</p><p>James shrugged. "I dunno. If I can't sleep, or just need to clear my head, I'll just come walk around, or transform in the forest and have a roam for awhile."</p><p>Strangely, Lily found this didn't surprise her as much as it once might have done. While it never would have made sense to her before, the James she had gotten to know since they'd been back at school seemed exactly the type to seek some occasional solitude out on the grounds—something she never would have thought the younger James capable of doing.</p><p>When they got nearer to the Whomping Willow, James scanned the area, making sure no one else was around, and then showed her how to open the tunnel by levitating something that could press on a particular root at the base of the tree. "This part is usually Pete's job."</p><p>Once the tree stilled, Lily quickly lowered herself below ground, James close behind her, and then set off down the tunnel.</p><p>It seemed to take longer this time, or maybe that was just her impatience to see Remus. But they walked fast, and James said they made good time in an impressed sort of voice as they reached the end. He stopped and turned around, asking, "Can you give me some light?"</p><p>Lily nodded and pulled her wand from her pocket, silently casting <em>Lumos</em> and holding her wand out for him, seeing that the entrance she remembered had been boarded up from the other side. James, for his part, didn't attempting to blast it out, but started <em>carving</em> it, tracing a jet of red light around the uneven edges in painstaking focus. Lily held her breath, not wanting to interrupt him, and watched in curiosity as James completed his tracing and then pushed away the chunk of wall he'd cut into the room.</p><p>"We charmed it so you can't blast it out once we seal it like that," he explained quietly, slipping his wand back in his bag and then hoisting himself through the opening.</p><p>Lily heard him say, "Hey, Moons," and then he was looking back through the opening, reaching for Lily's hand to help her through the entrance.</p><p>She dusted herself off as she got to her feet, her eyes adjusting to the room. Lines of sunlight peeked through cracks in the boarded windows, and Lily noticed a sofa that hadn't been there last time, the stuffing of the cushions spilling out through fresh rips in the fabric.</p><p>"Lily?"</p><p>Her eyes snapped toward that voice, something hoarse and small, and she saw Remus getting to his feet from where he must have been huddled the corner. He had a cut in his cheek, dirt on his face, and his shirt was in tatters.</p><p>"<em>Reme</em>."</p><p>She hadn't noticed James moving, but he was suddenly at Remus's side, hugging him tightly. Remus seemed to collapse against James, and his sob a moment later cracked through the room. Lily picked her way over to them, her throat closing as she took in James holding Remus strongly and heard him say quietly, "It's all okay, Moons. No one's hurt, you didn't do anything."</p><p>Remus sniffed, pulling away from James to look at Lily, eyes now rimmed red and tears streaking through the dirt on his face. "I'm <em>so</em> sorry."</p><p>Lily shook her head, reaching for his hand with both of hers. "There's nothing to be sorry <em>for</em>. You did <em>nothing</em> wrong, Reme."</p><p>He swallowed hard but didn't say anything, his eyes filling with fresh tears, and then James was jostling his shoulder, saying, "Come on, I brought fresh clothes, let's go get you cleaned up."</p><p>Remus nodded jerkily, and then James smiled over at Lily. "I'll let <em>you</em> wake up the other two."</p><p>She rolled her eyes and muttered, "Lucky me," but after James removed the shimmering barrier in the doorway, she followed James and Remus up the stairs and onto the second-floor landing. It gave her a strange sense of deja vu to be there again, and to realize that both times she'd been there had been as the result of Slytherin interference. But she was pulled from her thoughts as James handed his backpack to her, some spare clothes tucked in a bundle under his arm, and Lily hoisted it around her own shoulder before turning to the bedroom as James and Remus made for the bathroom at the end of the hall.</p><p>Turning the handle, Lily let herself in, another wave of deja vu hitting her in the stomach as she remembered this room, that <em>bed</em>—</p><p>"Swish?"</p><p>She looked at the figure curled on one end, eyes squinting blearily, and smiled at him.</p><p>"I come bearing food."</p><p>Sirius slowly pushed himself up so he was leaning against the headboard, a lazy smile on his face as he rubbed his eyes. Lily bit back a chuckle, not sure she'd ever seen his usually tame hair so askew, and sat on the end of the bed with a bounce, tossing the backpack into the middle and waking up Peter, who was curled on the opposite end of Sirius and had been snoring lightly.</p><p>"Wazzgoinon?"</p><p>"Breakfast, Worm," Sirius said, reaching his arm deep into James's backpack. "Oh, <em>fuck</em> yes."</p><p>Lily arched a brow at him, and Sirius just grinned and pulled out a round bundle, ripping back the paper unceremoniously. The fragrant smell of onions, chives, and cheese suddenly hit Lily's senses, and though it smelled delicious, she watched incredulously as Sirius held the quiche up to his face and breathed in deeply, like he was trying to inhale it through his nose.</p><p>"Like the smell of quiche, Black?"</p><p>He cracked an eye open at her. "Yes," he said simply. "But I'm also trying to cleanse my nostrils of the smell of you and Prongs having sex."</p><p>Lily's jaw fell. "But—that was <em>weeks</em> ago, and we—we <em>cleaned</em>—"</p><p>Sirius cocked a brow, still breathing in quiche. "Which I do appreciate, having had to sleep here."</p><p>"But—"</p><p>Sirius lowered the quiche and pointed at himself. "<em>Dog</em>, Evans."</p><p>Heat rose in her face. Damn. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Well, it was nice of you to, you know. Still stay here with him. Even if—"</p><p>She broke off, nodding toward the bed. Sirius just laughed. "We would've come down here eventually, once we'd been at the party long enough. I mean, Pete and I would've, anyway. Your boyfriend might've snuck out if you were sleeping, but we just assumed you'd be shagging all ni—<em>oi</em>!"</p><p>Lily had thwacked him over the head with a pillow, and Sirius yanked it from her grasp, arching a brow as he chided, "What? Are you really going to try to convince me you wouldn't have wanted a night with our dorm all to yourselves?"</p><p>She flushed. She very much would want that, but she wasn't about to admit it to Sirius. "Not if that meant keeping him from being here with you guys."</p><p>Sirius shrugged, plucking a couple rhubarb muffins from the backpack and tossing one to Peter. "S'not a big deal," he told her. "We've all had to miss full moons before, we just ty to make sure at least one or two of us get here."</p><p>Lily smiled at the warmth in his voice, the matter-of-fact commitment they had to supporting their friend. "I feel bad thinking of him skipping this to be with me."</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "Don't. When full moons fall around stuff like this, Remus doesn't like drawing more attention to his being gone, and he feels guilty if we miss stuff on his behalf. One time James and I left the after party after we beat Ravenclaw—fifth year—and Reme was pissed at us for a week."</p><p>Lily arched a brow. "So you don't leave after parties anymore?"</p><p>Sirius swallowed a thick bite of muffin. "Nah, we just wait longer until we duck. S'easier to leave a party if you wait until it's late enough that people just assume you snuck off for a shag."</p><p>Lily frowned at him, turning over in her mind all the times James and Sirius had disappeared from common parties over the past couple years, all that gossip that had inevitably followed, all the assumptions she'd made. Merlin, she'd been judgmental.</p><p>"Found the food, did you?" James was leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets and a cheeky grin on his face.</p><p>Sirius gave a sort of satisfied grunt, but if he said anything, Lily didn't hear. Her attention was focused on Remus, damp hair pushed back off his face, eyes still rimmed red.</p><p>"Lily—"</p><p>But she got up and flung her arms around him, hearing his automatic, "<em>Oof</em>," as he braced against her sudden weight and hugged her back.</p><p>"It's alright, Reme," she said quietly. "We're all alright."</p><p>Remus hugged her tightly, his voice choked as he whispered, "I'm sorry—<em>fuck</em>, I'm so sorry."</p><p>"Shh." Lily squeezed him tighter. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I'm okay."</p><p>Remus spoke thickly into her neck. "I almost killed you."</p><p>Tears stung the back of her eyes, but she pushed them away, steeling herself to be strong for her friend. "But you didn't, <em>Reme</em>. I'm right here."</p><p>She pulled back slowly, looking straight into his eyes as she promised, "And we're going to brew the Wolfsbane Potion, so you can turn in peace and quiet, okay?"</p><p>His eyes were watery, and he tried to smile as he gave her a small nod.</p><p>Sirius called behind them, "Come eat, Moons. Wemby hooked us up."</p><p>Lily gave Remus's arm one last squeeze before he turned and went to sit by Peter, taking the piece of quiche Sirius was holding out to him. James pressed a hand fleetingly to Lily's back and then went to sit on the bed at Sirius's feet, reaching for his own muffin, his appetite apparently returned.</p><p>Sirius turned his cheeky grin on her. "Take a good look, Evans."</p><p>She crossed her arms over her chest. "At what?"</p><p>Sirius spread his arms wide, gesturing to the four of them having a breakfast picnic on the bed. "Us. Next time you want to shag Prongs in communal Marauder property, you think about your dear old friends and their olfactory sensitivities—"</p><p>James stuffed another muffin in Sirius's mouth, Peter and Remus were both laughing, and Lily perched on the footboard of the bed, her own smile splitting across her face. She couldn't even find it in her to sass him back, because just then, she found herself overwhelmed at what Sirius had said—<em>your dear old friends</em>—and the silent understanding, the shifted undercurrent, that they all (but especially Sirius) really were <em>her</em> friends, independent of James. And she'd never felt more grateful for them.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The five of them traipsed slowly up the castle grounds, a new tense mood settled over their group. As they'd eaten in the Shrieking Shack, they'd filled Remus in on what had happened that led to James and Sirius finding them, and then James and Lily had filled in the boys on what had happened after, and how the conversation in Dumbledore's office had gone. James could see the fear in Remus's face, knew his friend was realizing what James had the night before: if his secret was unconfined, it was only a matter of time until it was truly <em>out</em>. And the repercussions would be life-changing.</p><p>A sudden flapping noise caught his attention, and he looked up to see the phoenix from Dumbledore's office approach them, dropping a scroll of parchment from its talons that James caught before it turned and soared back around the castle.</p><p>James unfurled the parchment, feeling everyone's eyes on him, and read, "Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, and Mr. Lupin, please come to my office immediately. Imperative we discuss. Droobles."</p><p>Sirius snorted. "<em>Droobles</em>? Is that Dumbledore's version of, <em>sincerely</em>?"</p><p>Lily giggled, smacking him on the arm. "It's the <em>password</em>, idiot."</p><p>James chuckled with her, still feeling warm and full from how seamlessly Lily fit in with his mates, how much she felt like a <em>part</em> of them, the Marauders, just from knowing their secrets.</p><p>It was also refreshing to hear her call someone else an idiot for once.</p><p>Remus let out a long breath at his other side, and James slung his arm around his friend's shoulders. "You have us <em>and</em> Dumbledore on your side, Moons. You'll be okay."</p><p>His friend gave him a small smile, but James knew he struggled to believe that last bit. Hell, James was afraid, too.</p><p>When they reached the third floor, Sirius and Peter didn't keep going up the staircase, but instead turned off with the rest of them down the corridor toward Dumbledore's office.</p><p>"We'll wait," Sirius said simply, and James shared a silent look of understanding with him over Remus's shoulder. They were in this together, and no way were they even going to let Remus so much as walk down a corridor alone just yet.</p><p>"Droobles," Lily told the stone gargoyle. It sprung aside, and with one final wave to Sirius and Peter, James followed Lily and Remus into the spiral staircase.</p><p>When they walked into Dumbledore's office, he wasn't surprised to find his mother already there, in one of the chairs across from Dumbledore's desk, wearing a crisp navy suit dress even on a Saturday, her ivory cloak hanging over the back of her chair. She rose to greet them, first pulling James into a hug, then Lily, and finally Remus, saying softly, "Dumbledore told me everything, dear."</p><p>Remus nodded stiffly, his already peaked face whitening even further.</p><p>Dumbledore conjured additional chairs, and they all sat in a semi-circle around the Headmaster's desk.</p><p>"You've all been through quite an ordeal," Dumbledore started. "And though I know it will be difficult, I must ask that you each tell me everything you remember of the sequence of events. Mr. Lupin, we'll start with you."</p><p>Remus sighed, leaning forward to brace his elbows on his knees and keep his eyes fixed on the desk in front of him, and recounted how he had been reading in the Shrieking Shack, just trying to relax because he thought there might be a connection between his mood and the pain of turning. When moonrise drew closer, and after he'd already left his wand and book upstairs, out of the werewolf's way, the entrance to the tunnel had blasted open, and Dolohov and Avery had marched in a zombie-like Lily. He had been powerless to stop them as they immobilized him and tied him to a chair before taking Lily into another room.</p><p>His voice cracked as he tried to describe Lily being brought back into the room, tied up in a similar fashion and fully conscious that time, and James put a hand on his friend's shoulder, gripping tightly. Remus dropped his face in his hands, shaking his head, and Lily spoke up, taking over where Remus left off.</p><p>She kept her voice steady, though she spoke haltingly, and James thought his heart might tear in two as he listened to her recite the conversation she and Remus had had mere moments before he and Sirius had burst into the room.</p><p>Dumbledore steepled his fingers thoughtfully. "You were both incredibly brave."</p><p>"Lucky," Remus mumbled.</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head. "Maybe so. But do not forget that you all caused the very conditions that created your luck."</p><p>James stared at him, puzzling through that philosophy, but Remus was already a step ahead, protesting, "More like the conditions that almost got Lily <em>killed</em>. I shouldn't <em>be</em> here—"</p><p>Dumbledore raised a silent hand, and Remus broke off, looking at the floor.</p><p>"You <em>belong</em> in this school, Mr. Lupin. I have told you that since you first arrived six years ago, and I'm telling you again today. Euphemia agrees, and I think all your friends will agree with me, too"—James gave his friend's shoulder another squeeze—"You cannot control what Voldemort's followers do, so you cannot blame yourself for their actions—"</p><p>"But if you'd let me leave when Snape found out, they couldn't have tried to <em>use</em> me—"</p><p>"So they would have used something <em>else</em>. And who is to say whether that something would have been easier to prevent? You got lucky, yes. Because it was your friendships and your love for one another that created the conditions for your friends to look, find, and then <em>save</em> you."</p><p>James suddenly remembered something. "They changed their plan."</p><p>Dumbledore's eyes narrowed as Remus's head whipped up toward James.</p><p>"Lily and I found them all, in the Forest, when we were, er, doing our detention." He forced himself not to look at her; the flashes of memories of having her pressed against a tree with her fingers in her mouth were enough to get him flustered without the added view of her face just then.</p><p>"And then, when we were—erm, eavesdropping—Mulciber had asked whether they were still doing the Forest, but then Snape had cut him off—"</p><p>Lily interjected, "Well, they probably changed their plan because they knew we'd found their spot in the Forest—"</p><p>Remus asked, "What had they planned to do in the Forest, anyway?"</p><p>James shrugged. "We never found out. But we know from overhearing Dolohov that they didn't want Lily's mu—well, what they planned, being traced back to them. So they thought <em>something</em> in the Forest would work—"</p><p>"Snape knew," Lily said softly.</p><p>"Well, yeah," James retorted, "that's how they found out about Remus in the <em>first</em> place—"</p><p>"No," she cut over him, "I mean, he knew about the three of you sneaking out around the full moon—"</p><p>"Don't even go there." The words snapped from his mouth before he could help it. "He set up Remus to <em>kill</em> you, Lily, you can't <em>possibly</em> think—"</p><p>"He'd hoped you'd save me?"</p><p>James stared at her. That was <em>beyond</em> far-fetched, and she <em>had</em> to know that.</p><p>Dumbledore interjected, his voice grave. "Leave handling Mr. Snape to me."</p><p>Euphemia spoke up for the first time. "Lily, dear, do you remember anything from when they first took you?"</p><p>Lily shook her head and turned her attention toward his mum. "No. I got the note from Slughorn—well, it <em>looked</em> like a note from Slughorn—and so I was going down to check on the potion. The last thing I remember is turning onto the dungeon stairs, and then nothing until I came to in the Shack."</p><p>Euphemia and Dumbledore exchanged a grim look.</p><p>"Imperius Curse, I expect," Dumbledore said. "Perhaps with a memory modification done afterwards."</p><p>James's blood boiled, but Lily nodded, taking the assessment stoically. "Makes sense."</p><p>Dumbledore leaned forward on his desk, folding his hands. "This is now two attempted murders on Hogwarts students—"</p><p>"On Muggle-born students," Lily interjected quietly.</p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head. "Yes, Miss Evans, on <em>Muggle-born</em> Hogwarts students. Both within the first quarter of term. I don't think I need to explain how deeply troubled I am by this."</p><p>James blurted out, "So what do we do?"</p><p>"Firstly," Dumbledore started, "I would like to impose on Miss Evans and Mr. Lupin my suggestion—really, my request—that you both spend your Christmas and Easter holidays at the Potters'."</p><p>James's ears perked up as he looked quickly between Dumbledore and the sly smile on his mother's face as she looked at James.</p><p>"Euphemia and I have already discussed it," Dumbledore went on. "Like Hogwarts, Stinchcombe Park is already fortified with the strongest protective enchantments, and the Potters and I agree that it is the safest place for both of you when you are not here."</p><p>Next to James, Remus nodded his agreement, and then from his other side, James heard Lily say, "Okay. Of course."</p><p>His heart skipped a beat.</p><p>"Excellent. I would also like increased patrols from the prefects and the both of you—"</p><p>James sat straighter in his chair. "Understood."</p><p>"—and I would like to know if you…<em>hear</em> anything related to those students we suspect are joining Voldemort's ranks."</p><p>James didn't miss Dumbledore's pointed look as those blue eyes fixed on him, and his heart picked up the scent of adrenaline as he thought back to their conversation in that exact spot not seventy-two hours before. Right under his mother's nose, Dumbledore was really asking him to <em>spy</em>. He'd never thought such a thing possible.</p><p>"Yes, sir."</p><p>He could have sworn Dumbledore was holding back a smile. "Very well. That concludes everything I needed to discuss with you. Though I implore all of you to be exceedingly careful."</p><p>Dumbledore's brow furrowed as he looked at Remus. "Mr. Lupin, as I said before, I will have a discussion with Mr. Snape, but if his peers also know—"</p><p>"It might come out," Remus said stiffly. "I know." He gave a bitter laugh. "I suppose it was only a matter of time."</p><p>"We will deal with it <em>if</em> it happens," Dumbledore admonished, "and not a moment sooner. But in the meantime, be <em>careful</em>. I'm going to give thought to where you should go for the next full moon, because I hesitate to continue with the Shack."</p><p>Remus nodded his understanding, and then when Dumbledore got up to walk them out, they all stood and began their goodbyes with Euphemia.</p><p>"Oh, and James"—Euphemia looked between him and Lily—"The Governors' Dinner. You and Lily will be coming?"</p><p>James faltered, looking sheepishly at Lily before telling his mum, "Well, I—I actually haven't, erm, told her about it…yet."</p><p>Lily's eyes narrowed at him over his mother's shoulder.</p><p>Euphemia looked amused as she turned and said to Lily, "It's customary for the Head Boy and Girl to go to the annual Governors' Dinner. We're hosting at Stinchcombe Park this year."</p><p>Lily raised her eyebrows. "That sounds…lovely."</p><p>"Of course, everyone who's invited can bring a guest, but I just assumed you two would be going together."</p><p>Lily grinned at him, her eyebrows going higher. "You haven't told her yet?"</p><p>The look Euphemia turned on him was normally reserved for when he and Sirius were in trouble, and just the sight of it made him wince slightly. "Been a little busy since Friday."</p><p>Lily smirked. "I'll be there, Euphie. With my <em>boyfriend</em>."</p><p>Euphemia beamed at her. "Thank <em>Merlin</em> he didn't muck it up—"</p><p>Remus coughed lightly. "There were a few close calls—"</p><p>James dealt him a sharp elbow to the ribs, and Remus cast him a dirty look, though his eyes were dancing with his usual mischief again.</p><p>Euphemia had started steering Lily toward the door, talking about dresses, from the snatches of conversation James heard, and then just as he was about to follow them, he heard Dumbledore say softly, "A word, please, James."</p><p>Remus looked fleetingly over his shoulder, but then went on ahead.</p><p>James's heart beat a frantic rhythm. He thought he knew what was coming, had wondered why Dumbledore hadn't asked him more about how they'd discovered where Lily was so quickly, how they'd managed Remus once he'd been loose on the grounds—</p><p>"Sir, I—"</p><p>But Dumbledore raised his hand and said quietly. "I am not asking you any questions about how you came to know the specific whereabouts of Miss Evans, nor about what happened in the time between Mr. Lupin turning and you all returning to the castle." His eyes twinkled over his glasses. "I would much rather <em>suspect</em>, and not officially <em>know</em>."</p><p>James's eyebrows raised in surprise.</p><p>"But I would like to impart a warning," Dumbledore continued softly, his expression turning grave, "to not let your guard down, and to be very careful with your, shall we say, <em>secrets</em>. I believe you can trust Miss Evans, but I think it would be wise to stop there. You see, as protected as I believe you are here, and at Stinchcombe Park, I fear it is only a matter of time before you may find yourself in a similarly dangerous predicament, and if—<em>when</em>—that happens, you may find that the element of <em>surprise</em> is the best weapon of all."</p><p>With a last twinkling look at James, Dumbledore swept toward the door, leaving a dumbfounded James in his wake.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>They took the elf passages up to the seventh floor, but Lily stopped them just before Sirius pushed open the portrait.</p><p>"Remus." She put a steady hand on his shoulder. "You have to tell Marlene."</p><p>Remus went white. "Lily—I <em>can't</em>—"</p><p>Lily sighed, but she sounded patient as she said, "I think it's time, Reme."</p><p>Sirius grimaced as he added, "Er, Mac too."</p><p>Remus rounded on him. "<em>What?</em>"</p><p>Sirius shrugged. "She was <em>there</em>, Moons. When we realized Lily was missing and then ran upstairs to look at the map, Mac and Marly were with us."</p><p>"And she saw Sirius, er, last time," James said awkwardly, not wanting to call more attention than necessary just then to the fact that Remus had nearly ripped Sirius's intestines from his body. "So did Dahlia."</p><p>Remus pinched his nose. "So <em>all</em> the Gryffindor seventh years are going to know?"</p><p>No one said anything.</p><p>Remus threw his arms up in exasperation. "You know what, why not tell the whole common room? Hell, why not just announce it at dinner while we're at it, eh?"</p><p>"Moons," James said placatingly, "Mac as good as knows already, Dahlia's seen too much, and you know we can trust both of them."</p><p>He didn't have to say that out of all of the girls, Marlene was the one most likely to blab a secret. Remus's shoulders slumped.</p><p>Peter spoke up on Remus's other side. "They all did help with the mission in the Slytherin common room, so they'll want to know what they did last night."</p><p>Sirius sighed. "Pete's right. Are we going to make up a whole other story about what happened?"</p><p>Lily shook her head. "No," she said firmly, fixing that piercing gaze on Remus. "We have to stay united. The eight of us. And that means telling them what the Slytherins tried to do, which means it's time for them to know."</p><p>Peter piped, "Even, erm, the Animagus thing?"</p><p>James shook his head. "We have to keep that secret. We actually broke wizard law to do that—"</p><p>Remus grumbled, "Several—"</p><p>"—so that stays between the five of us right here."</p><p>Lily nodded. "You three held Remus off with magic. I don't, um, think they'll ask many questions about the particulars of that part."</p><p>"Yeah, probably not," James agreed dryly. "So, let's go do this?"</p><p>Sirius looked steadily at Remus as he held his hand into the middle of their circle. "It'll all be okay, Moons. Marauders' honor."</p><p>Peter put his hand over Sirius's. "Marauders' honor."</p><p>James covered Peter's hand, echoing "Marauders' honor," before he turned to look at Lily. She smiled shyly at him, then added her hand to the pile and grinned at Remus as she said, "Marauders' honor."</p><p>James thought he might burst from pride.</p><p>Remus chuckled, shaking his head, and put his hand over Lily's. "How did I end up with you people?"</p><p>"Well," Sirius said seriously, "if you recall, at the moment of your birth, Jupiter was square with Saturn—"</p><p>"Mercury," corrected Peter.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, shoving Peter playfully as he grumbled, "A bunch of fucking <em>imbeciles—</em>"</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"Not you, Lily."</p><p>James pushed open the portrait. "I thought Moony's Jupiter was square with, well, the moon?"</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>Whatever laughter they had managed to gather was gone quicker than James could say <em>Evanesco</em> when they stumbled through the portrait hole to see the three girls gathered by the fire in clear agitation.</p><p>Mary was the first to see them as she paced, and her shriek promptly alerted the other two from where they sat wringing their hands on the sofa. She launched herself at Lily, quite nearly bowling her over, as Marlene threw her arms around Remus.</p><p>"You're back! I didn't know if I'd see you today."</p><p>Mary held onto Lily by the shoulders. "What <em>happened</em>?"</p><p>"Erm—"</p><p>James elbowed Sirius, then moved his eyes around the room, indicating all the people milling about the common room who had gone quiet while watching the exchange amongst the seventh years.</p><p>Remus, oblivious, said quietly to Marlene, "Upstairs?"</p><p>She nodded, and the way she was biting her lip told James she was expecting this to be a nonverbal excursion.</p><p>Sirius had obviously received James's message, because he chose that moment to hop up onto a table, clap his hands together, and bellow, "Alright, everybody listen up!"</p><p>As if people hadn't already quieted down before, he <em>really</em> had their attention now.</p><p>"So, as some of may know, I have a birthday coming up Monday."</p><p>There was a smattering of cheering and a long wolf-whistle from Ludo, to which Sirius mocked a bow. "Thank you, thank you—"</p><p>Mary whispered, "He's such a <em>wanker</em>," carried across the room, inciting more scattered laughter, and Sirius flashed her a grin.</p><p>"I know a lot of you remember not remembering anything from last years' party—"</p><p>"Ain't that the truth," Peter mumbled.</p><p>"—so we're keeping it a bit more low key this year—"</p><p>Kingsley called, "So, a rager?"</p><p>"Precisely. We start in an hour, everybody!"</p><p>Excited chatter filled the common room and James watched Marlene give Lily a tight hug as she muttered, "I was <em>so</em> worried," and Lily pushed her toward Remus with a smile. "I'm okay, go!"</p><p>With her own backwards smile, Marlene didn't see the grim set of Remus's face as they made for the staircases, and, unnoticed by anyone else, they were soon out of view.</p><p>Sirius hopped down from the table, rubbing his hands together. "Right. So, provisions?"</p><p>Mary whispered fiercely, "Not until—"</p><p>But James spoke over her, saying, 'Yeah, we could use your help. You too, Dahl."</p><p>Dahlia's eyebrows quirked up and Mary scowled, but they both followed him back out of the portrait hole.</p><p>"Alright," Sirius announced as they reached the bottom of the stairs from Gryffindor Landing, "this is where Pete and I leave you to go and <em>actually</em> fetch provisions."</p><p>Peter smirked, ruffling his hair. "For the party Pads just made up."</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes and grumbled a, "Whatever, it worked," as the two of them set off.</p><p>James turned to the tapestry hiding his alcove, tracing a section of its pattern that made it flutter before unsticking and allowing them to slide underneath it and into the alcove.</p><p>"<em>Lumos</em>." He crossed his arms, holding his wand lazily, and leaned his back against one side of the alcove wall. The girls followed suit in illuminating their wands to give them all more light, and with a jolt James realized he was surrounded by his current girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, and childhood best friend. More than ever before, James was grateful they all got along.</p><p>"So, last night," he started. Mary and Dahlia stared at him expectantly. "Well, actually, back up. You remember last month when Sirius was all…"</p><p>"Ripped up?" Mary supplied.</p><p>James winced. "Er, yeah. Well, it was from…Remus. Because he's a—"</p><p>"Werewolf." Mary's eyes were wide, but she nodded. "I knew as soon as Lily identified the slashes, and then I checked the calendar the next day."</p><p>Lily said softly, "I figured it out, too, Mac."</p><p>Dahlia spoke last, shaking her head in slow disbelief. "I didn't see Sirius until later, I had no idea—" Her eyes snapped up to James. "Wait, does Marly—is he <em>telling</em> her? Right <em>now</em>?"</p><p>James nodded grimly. "Yeah. Because last night—"</p><p>He sucked in a big breath, unsure if he was able to finish the sentence, but then Lily took over next to him, saying, "The Slytherins set me up to have Remus kill me when he turned."</p><p>Mary and Dahlia stared at her for a moment, faces aghast, and then Mary frowned.</p><p>"The note—that's how they lured you."</p><p>"Yeah. I don't remember anything after starting down the dungeon steps."</p><p>From there, James took turns with Lily in explaining the general sequence of events, leaving out the details about Sirius launching at Remus while a dog and James saving Lily as stag, and when he finished, it was Dahlia who spoke first, looking between Lily and James with concerned eyes. "So what do we do?"</p><p>James sighed, trading a look with Lily, before shrugging at Dahlia and Mary. "For now? We party."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>It turned out to be easier said than done. James wasn't sure that he had ever been in less of a mood to party in his life, yet there was nothing for it; it was Sirius's birthday celebration and they had to protect Remus's secret from getting out beyond their friend group, which meant keeping what happened with Lily under wraps, even though James belatedly realized they needed an excuse for why they had missed Slughorn's the night before.</p><p>Not to mention he still didn't have access to his dorm, as Remus and Marlene had been up there for a few hours without any sign of emerging. James didn't dare speculate on what <em>that</em> meant.</p><p>Lily leaned close to his ear, holding her bottle of butterbeer in front of her face to obscure her mouth, as she whispered, "We could admit I was attacked, and just not say where or how. That would explain us disappearing last night. We could just say we decided to lay low."</p><p>James considered it. "We <em>did</em> spend the night in our office," he muttered back, "but will even mentioning an attack prompt them to spill about Remus?"</p><p>Lily fell silent for awhile, and James knew she was thinking. He idly watched the game of goblets going on in front of him, a pair of fourth years challenging Sirius and Peter, and wished he could be on Sirius's level, but where Sirius responded to stress and trauma by going even harder, James partied best when he was in a <em>good</em> mood, not when he was still brooding over what had happened the night before.</p><p>"I think people need to know."</p><p>James looked up at Lily sharply. "Need to know what?"</p><p>Her eyes followed the arc of Peter's ball. "That the Slytherins came after me." Peter's shot landed in his cup, and Lily looked sideways at James. "They don't get to stay in the shadows. If they want to come after me, or any Muggle-born, <em>everyone's</em> going to know about it. We're stronger if we stand together, and letting them get away with secrecy and lies only pushes us apart."</p><p>James hooked his arm around her neck, drawing her closer so he could kiss her head. "You're fucking incredible," he murmured.</p><p>Sirius's whoop broke through the air and the crowd around the goblets table exploded into cheers. Lily chuckled softly, leaning against his shoulder, and just then Mary turned around and saw them, rolling her eyes as she teased, "Well aren't you two adorable."</p><p>From behind Mary, Sirius slung an arm over shoulder and ducked his head toward her neck, his words slightly slurred as he said, "'S'it time for birthday sex?"</p><p>Mary instantly clamped a hand to his mouth, though her own mouth twitched in a smile. "It's not your birthday," she said wryly.</p><p>Sirius wrested away from her grasp and looked at her pointedly. "Honorary birthday sex, then."</p><p>Lily snorted into James chest, and he tried to cover his laugh by taking a swig of his drink, but that only made him choke, and though it looked like a hissing retort was ready on her tongue, Mary didn't get another word out before their attention turned to thundering footsteps coming from the staircases, followed almost instantly by a blazing Marlene.</p><p>James wasn't sure, until that moment, that he'd ever seen Marlene <em>angry</em> before. Her face was flushed, her cheeks wet with tears, but her eyes flashed in fury, searching wildly, and then suddenly she was stalking toward him—no, toward <em>Lily</em>—and her voice cracked as she shouted, "You <em>knew</em>! You fucking <em>knew</em>, Lily! You're supposed to be my <em>best friend</em>! And you couldn't even <em>tell me</em>—"</p><p>"Woah, woah, woah," Mary interjected, stepping between Marlene and Lily.</p><p>"You too!" Marlene was teetering closer to instability. "You fucking <em>saw</em>—"</p><p>"<em>Marly</em>," Mary snapped. "<em>Don't</em>."</p><p>"Oh, yeah," Marlene drawled dramatically, "get all high and mighty with <em>me</em>, after <em>you</em> <em>two</em> fucking kept it <em>secret</em> from me!"</p><p>"Okay," said Lily sternly, pushing her drink into James's hands. "Upstairs, Marly, and we can <em>talk</em>—"</p><p>"Oh, <em>now</em> we can talk? When it's convenient for <em>you</em>? As if you didn't just keep the most <em>important</em> thing from me in my <em>life</em>?"</p><p>"Marly—"</p><p>"Fuck <em>you</em>, Lily—"</p><p>"That's it, upstairs—"</p><p>"Oh, fuck <em>off</em>, Mac—"</p><p>James threw himself into the mix. "Calm down—"</p><p>That was the wrong thing to say.</p><p>"Calm down? <em>Calm down</em>? Could <em>you</em> fucking calm down if <em>you</em> found out—"</p><p>Sirius clamped a hand hard over Marlene's mouth, his voice a growl that James could only make out from being so close by.</p><p>"Another <em>word</em>, and I will hex you out this portrait hole so hard you'll be in the Hospital Wing for a week."</p><p>Marlene twisted in his grasp, her eyes narrowing at him, but Sirius wasn't done.</p><p>"Don't you fucking <em>dare</em> act like this is hard for <em>you</em>. So <em>shut up</em>—"</p><p>Dahlia appeared, putting a hand on Sirius's arm, and not a moment too soon, judging by Marlene's swimming eyes.</p><p>"Marly," Dahlia said gently. "Will you come upstairs with me?"</p><p>Marlene looked between Dahlia and Sirius, and all the fight seemed to deflate from her in an instant as she nodded and turned around without another look at Lily and Mary. Dahlia rushed to Marlene's side, looping an arm around her and guiding her up the girls' staircase.</p><p>James let out the breath he'd been holding, reaching for Lily. "You alright?"</p><p>She shook her head stiffly, biting her lip. "That didn't…erm—"</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"Come on," Mary grabbed Lily's other hand and tugged her toward the staircase. "We have to try."</p><p>James nodded and followed them. "Go. I'll check on Remus."</p><p>They split up at the staircases, and James took the steps two at a time.</p><p>He found Remus in his bed, spreadeagled and staring at the ceiling of his four-poster.</p><p>"Hey, Moons."</p><p>"How bad was it?"</p><p>James sat on the edge of Remus's bed. "Er, not great. She's really upset with Lily and Mac."</p><p>"No," Remus sighed, pulling himself up to sit with his arms looped around his knees. "She's upset with <em>me</em>, and she's taking it out on the girls because it's easier for her."</p><p>Sirius and Peter stumbled through the doorway, having apparently taken longer with the stairs.</p><p>Peter asked, "Alright, Moons?" and Sirius promptly smacked him on the side of the head.</p><p>"What d'<em>you</em> think, Wormtail? Merlin, you're a knob."</p><p>James was growing exasperated. "Can you both just—take it down a notch?"</p><p>"Excuse <em>you</em>, Sober Boring."</p><p>Remus snorted and said quietly to James, "They played goblets, didn't they?"</p><p>"Yeah, they did—"</p><p>"Pshh." Sirius started rummaging in the closet where they kept spare alcohol. "We didn't <em>play</em>, we bloody <em>won</em>—"</p><p>"Ahh," Remus said placatingly. "A birthday victory, eh?"</p><p>Peter shrugged as he leaned against a post. "No birthday sex, though."</p><p>James dropped his face into his hands. "Fucking Merlin. It's not <em>anyone's</em> birthday."</p><p>There was a soft knock at the door, causing them all to swivel their attention toward the sound, and then it creaked open, revealing a peek of dark red hair. James perked up and called, "Hey, Lil."</p><p>Seeing him, Lily let herself into the room, Mary close behind her. "We, um—aren't <em>allowed</em> in our dorm tonight."</p><p>Based on what he'd seen of Marlene's reaction, James wasn't surprised.</p><p>Mary looked at Remus. "If it's any consolation, she seems far more angry with us two"—she gestured between herself and Lily—"than she is with you."</p><p>Remus frowned from where he sat, arms still wrapped around his knees. "How does she figure that?"</p><p>Mary shrugged, sitting on the edge of Sirius's bed facing Remus. "The last bit she said was something about you only protecting your <em>deepest, darkest secret</em>, and it not being fair that we knew before her, and she doesn't blame <em>you</em> for not telling anyone, but because she should have known first of us girls, we should have told her when we figured it out."</p><p>Remus just sighed, shaking his head. "She should be upset with <em>me</em>—she <em>is</em> upset with me. I'm sorry if she went off on you."</p><p>Lily came to stand by James, resting a hand on his neck as she watched Remus. "It's okay, Reme. She needs to process it all, let it out. Dahlia's with her, and Mac and I'll give her space."</p><p>Mary asked the question James was sure they all had been wondering. "Er—are you two—alright?"</p><p>James wasn't sure what he had expected, but it certainly wasn't Remus being <em>composed</em>. Yet, that's exactly how he seemed, giving a small shrug as he answered Mary, "Yeah, we are. At least, I <em>think</em> we still are. She took it surprisingly well, but...maybe the shock just hadn't caught up to her yet. I started at the beginning, told her about how I was turned, what my childhood was like, how afraid I was to come to Hogwarts." He looked over at James, a sad smile at his mouth. "I told her about how you were the first one to figure it out, and you called it my <em>furry little problem</em>."</p><p>"Still do," James pointed out.</p><p>Remus chuckled, then gave a shrug. "She seemed okay—I mean, <em>upset</em>, but okay—until I got to the part about this year. When she found out <em>you</em> knew"—he nodded at Lily—"and <em>you</em> had an idea"—he swung his head around toward Mary—"well, she just lost it."</p><p>"She'll come around," Mary said confidently.</p><p>Remus gave her a small smile. "I hope so."</p><p>Small talk didn't come after that, so with one last reassuring squeeze to his friend's shoulder, James started getting ready for bed, charming one of his t-shirts for Lily, as the rest of them followed suit.</p><p>Settling into his four-poster, James waved the curtains closed and cast a quick silencing charm before slipping his wand onto his nightstand and turning on his side to face Lily.</p><p>"Hey," he said quietly.</p><p>"Hey." Lily reached up a hand to stroke his face, and James let his eyes flutter closed, nuzzling into her touch.</p><p>"Quite a day." That was the understatement of the century, but James didn't know what else to say just then. Everything about that day he'd just lived felt <em>heavy</em>; realizing how close he'd come to losing Lily, comforting Remus through his guilt, reliving it all with Dumbledore, then dealing with the fallout of Remus finally telling Marlene. He felt almost weary with it all, and not for the first time, he wondered how in the hell real adults <em>did</em> it, just went about daily lives while sitting in the knowledge—far more than they probably shared—of what <em>really</em> was lurking below the surface.</p><p>Lily hummed, her fingers dropping to busy themselves with the collar of his shirt.</p><p>"You alright?" James brushed her hair behind her ear.</p><p>"I'll be okay." She sighed. "Was the Prefects' Bathroom really only this morning?"</p><p>He chuckled, replaying thoughts of Lily slippery under the water, clenching around him while she moaned his name. "Yeah, it was."</p><p>Merlin, that felt like <em>days</em> ago. Like they'd skipped several levels of <em>relationship</em> from everything they'd endured in the past twenty-four hours, and now he wasn't quite sure where they'd landed. Were they back in brand-new relationship territory? It was only their second day being boyfriend and girlfriend, after all. But he'd also cried in front of her—something he'd never done in front of a girl before, and really rarely done at all—and said those words again. <em>I'm so in love with you</em>. And he'd heard them <em>back</em>.</p><p>"James?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Do you think Marlene will—"</p><p>But she didn't finish that sentence, so James wasn't sure which way she'd meant to go.</p><p>"She's been planning their wedding since fifth year," James reminded her.</p><p>Lily kept playing with the collar of his shirt. "I've never seen her like that," she whispered.</p><p>James settled his hand at her waist. "She'll come around," he murmured back. "She just needs some time."</p><p>Lily let out a deep sigh. "I can't even bloody <em>cry</em> right now. That's how…<em>numb</em> and fucking <em>tired</em> I feel. Like, I should be upset over rowing with Marly, like a good friend would be, and I can't even do <em>that</em>."</p><p>Girls were such a strange species. He tugged up her—well, <em>his</em>—t-shirt so he could feel the softness of her skin under his palm. A strange species that he loved very, very much.</p><p>"Lily, stop beating yourself up. You're a <em>great</em> friend. I've seen it. And <em>you're</em> the one who was almost murdered last night—"</p><p>She was shaking her head. "That's not fair to her—"</p><p>"But it's fair to think <em>you</em> have to be perfect all the time?"</p><p>Her eyes finally snapped up to his, her brow furrowing. "I never said that—"</p><p>"No, you were just thinking it—"</p><p>"Oh, so you can read my mind now, can you?"</p><p>James flinched, hearing the new iciness in her tone, and he squeezed her waist. "Lil. No offense, but I can read you like a book, love."</p><p>Lily glared him for only a moment, and then it was like she deflated, rolling onto her back and covering her face with her hands. "Fuck, I'm sorry."</p><p>James rested his palm on her stomach. "It's okay. It's been a fucked up day, you're allowed to be angry."</p><p>"I know"—she covered his hand with hers and tilted her head towards him—"but that doesn't mean I should take it out on you."</p><p>"'Course you should."</p><p>Lily scoffed lightly. "What?"</p><p>James scooted his body closer to her and nuzzled her ear. "Isn't that what boyfriends are for?"</p><p>He could hear the smile in her voice—<em>finally</em>—as she asked, "A proverbial punching bag?"</p><p>James hummed into her neck. "If it makes you feel better."</p><p>She turned back on her side and cuddled into him, burying her cheek in his chest and tangling her legs with his. "<em>You</em> make me feel better," she murmured.</p><p>He smiled, his heart suddenly feeling immeasurably <em>full</em>, as he wrapped his arms around her and held her against him. "I got you, Lil."</p><p>When she sighed, he felt her whole body relax. "I know."</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>James woke slowly, his awareness of his bed and the warm body tucked at his side coming to him gradually through the haze of sleep. <em>Lily</em>. He breathed deeply through his nose, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair as he nuzzled into her backside, tightening his arms around her. She was safe. She was whole. She was <em>his</em>.</p><p>He still barely believed it.</p><p>The lift of her hand to his face told him she was awake, and he buried into her neck, leaned into the touch of her fingers sliding through his hair. "Lil—"</p><p>Without warning, she flipped around to face him, her eyes already alight with energy. "You're sort of pathetic, you know that?"</p><p>His own brain still felt sluggish. "Hmm?" But her hand suddenly squeezing him where he was already absurdly aroused for her got the message through, and he hissed a low, "<em>Fuck</em>. Lily, you <em>know</em> I'm hard for you <em>all</em> the fucking time—"</p><p>"I know." She grinned at him. "And do <em>you</em> know what that does to <em>me</em>?"</p><p>He swallowed hard. "Lily—"</p><p>But she was suddenly pulling his shorts down around his thighs, swinging her own leg over to straddle him, sliding her hands up his chest, and—<em>Merlin</em> above, when had she taken off her knickers?</p><p>Her smile over him was wicked, her hips teasing, and his eyes couldn't drink her in fast enough, somehow the most majestic sight he'd ever seen with her hair tousled from sleep and wearing his baggy t-shirt. She reached a hand down like she was going to take it off, and James caught her wrist in his, sending her eyebrows flying up.</p><p>"Keep it on," he told her. "This is so—you're so—just fucking <em>sexy</em>, Evans."</p><p>The wicked smile was back, and she sat up straighter, taking him in her hand and playing with her entrance, dipping him inside just enough to feel how ready she was. For a moment, he could only stare, transfixed at the sight as he held her shirt up around her hips.</p><p>"Like what you see, Potter?"</p><p>Something about using his surname just then sent a new surge of adrenaline through his body, and the sparkle in her eye told him she knew it. He pulled himself up by his core and sunk his fingers deep into the skin at her hips as he ducked around her mouth, his nose ghosting her cheek.</p><p>"Like you don't know you're my dream girl."</p><p>Her face split into a grin, a hint of a flush rising around her cheeks, but she kissed him, something heady as she snaked her arms around his neck and her hands into his hair, and then while their tongues were locked together, she lowered herself over him in earnest, sending him groaning into her mouth. Something broke open then, something heated and frenzied, and it was like Lily couldn't play coy any longer, just needed to taste him, feel him, <em>ride</em> him, and he matched her movements, head swimming in wave after wave of pleasure, of <em>her</em>, one hand up the back of her shirt, the other deep in her hair, as their heads turned and their hips canted and their fingers squeezed—</p><p>"<em>James</em>—"</p><p>He recognized that tone, knew that sharp intake of breath, and he pulled his mouth away from hers to watch her face. "That's it."</p><p>Her fingers scrabbled at his neck, his hair, his shoulders as her brow scrunched, and James tightened his hold on her, reaching down the hand at her back to grab her arse and pull her closer against him.</p><p>That gleaned a small cry, and he felt her clench around him as she ground into his lap with renewed focus. Their faces were close enough that their noses bumped, and James rubbed his fingers gently against her scalp where he still had a hand buried in her hair.</p><p>"Fucking <em>get</em> it, Evans—"</p><p>"<em>Potter</em>—fuck, <em>fuck</em>—"</p><p>"Come," he commanded softly. "I know you're close—<em>come</em>."</p><p>Her eyes fluttered closed, her face taut, as she leveraged her arms around his shoulders and chased down the spot she needed against his pelvis. "Yes—<em>yes</em>—"</p><p>Any other words she might have had stuck in her throat as she came, mouth falling, eyes scrunching, and James clenched his jaw as his watched her, willing himself to last just a few seconds longer as she twitched and spasmed over him. "Fuck—I love watching you."</p><p>Her hips slowed as she panted, "James—" but he pressed a soft kiss to her mouth as he cradled her head in his hand. "You're perfect, Lil."</p><p>She ignored him, pushing his hair from his face as she set a new pace with her hips and breathed, "Now I need to watch you."</p><p>He chuckled softly. "I'm not long for it."</p><p>A hint of that wicked smile was back. "I know."</p><p>It was his turn to feel his eyes squint shut as Lily picked up her pace, swiveling and clenching as her own sporadic spasms lingered, and James squeezed her tighter everywhere he held onto her, his whole body tensing under her movements.</p><p>She swiped her tongue over his lip, dotted a kiss to his mouth. "Come. J—I <em>need</em> to feel you come."</p><p>Her fingers curled at the back of his neck, all of her different touches overloading his body, sending a shiver shooting down his spine and turning into climax.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>—love—"</p><p>"Oh, <em>yes</em>," Lily breathed, her fingers a soothing rhythm where they swirled at his neck, her lips at his cheek tender, the smell of her intoxicating where he buried his whimpers in her neck. "I <em>love</em> feeling you come. Holy <em>fuck</em>, James."</p><p>He clung to her, like his pounding heart might burst from his body if her own chest didn't prevent it, and slowly felt his climax subside through's Lily's gentle caresses.</p><p>"I can't—I can't <em>move</em>, Lil." His voice was muffled by her neck, but he knew she still heard him by how she chuckled.</p><p>"I feel like I'm setting a bad precedent," she said idly.</p><p><em>That</em> got his attention. He pulled his face up to look at her. "What d'you mean?"</p><p>She smirked at him. "That's three for three mornings in a row that we've woken up and immediately had sex."</p><p>James saw nothing wrong with that. "Is there…anything wrong with that?"</p><p>Lily ruffled his hair as she rolled her eyes. "No. But you do realize I'm going to have to sleep in my own bed sometimes?"</p><p>His lips pursed. No, actually, he hadn't thought about that since they'd made things official. Lily must have read as such from his expression, because she giggled and smushed his face. "You're ridiculous, Potter. Now help me clean up."</p><p>He did, retrieving his wand from his nightstand and then helping Lily find her knickers somewhere in the depths of his blankets, before she slipped toward the edge of the bed.</p><p>"I'll meet you at breakfast."</p><p>James pressed a kiss to her knuckles, and with one last smile and a swish of her tousled hair, she was gone.</p><p>
  <strong>xxx</strong>
</p><p>For some reason, he was nervous. It didn't make any sense. It was a normal Sunday morning, a full Scottish spread lining the Gryffindor table, and though he'd been ravenous as he had gotten dressed that morning, nothing sounded appetizing just then as he waited for Lily.</p><p>"Hey, Potter."</p><p>A hand on his shoulder caused him to turn around, and he grinned as he saw Ludo.</p><p>"What's up, LB?"</p><p>Ludo beckoned, and James got to his feet, standing closer so Ludo could say quietly, "I heard some Slytherins tried to rough up some Ravenclaws last night."</p><p>James frowned. "Everyone alright?"</p><p>Ludo shrugged. "Chang's in the hospital wing, so's her seeker, and Ollivander over there isn't looking too happy."</p><p>James searched for only a moment before spotting Garrytt, a black eye marring his usual handsome face, but James saw the statement Garrytt was making and felt an odd surge of solidarity with him just then.</p><p>"Keep me posted," James told Ludo. "It doesn't really matter which of them wins, but I don't want Slytherin being able to run away with points."</p><p>Ludo nodded his agreement, and James's stomach suddenly did a little somersault as a flash of red caught his eye over Ludo's shoulder.</p><p>And then he did a double-take.</p><p>It was official: James had died and gone to heaven. Because there, walking through the Great Hall towards the Gryffindor table, was Lily Evans, his <em>girlfriend</em>, emerald eyes sparkling, face alight with a smile, hair tumbling around her shoulders—and wearing James's black Montrose Magpies sweatshirt. The one he'd been wearing the first time they'd fooled around in the potions store cupboard. The one she'd apparently swiped that morning without him noticing. The one he wore all the time, that everyone would recognize as his. The one everyone did recognize as his, if the hissing sound of whispers reaching his hear was any indication.</p><p>And then she did him even one better.</p><p>She came straight up to him, ignoring Ludo completely, reached her hands up to his neck, stood on her tip-toes, and pulled him into a kiss. James stood in shock for only a millisecond before he found her waist, tilting his head to deepen their kiss on instinct. She opened her mouth for him once, let him have one quick taste of her tongue, and then she was pulling away from him, eyes glittering. They turned to sit side-by-side at the Gryffindor table, and though James was vaguely aware of the noise and pointing and exclaiming going on around them, he found he didn't care one bit.</p><p>Lily had claimed him. More than that—she had just <em>flaunted</em> him. James couldn't articulate why that meant so much to him, but it did. Maybe, deep down, he had been afraid. Insecure about how she would carry herself publicly when it came to dating him. She had spent <em>years</em> scorning his presence, had made no secret of her disdain for him. Would she feel embarrassed by now wanting to be his girlfriend, after all of that? Would she not want any public displays of affection, because of their past, or their position as badges, or both? He hadn't even realized until then that those questions had been eating away at his subconscious, but with one sweatshirt and one kiss, she had managed to assuage all of them. Had she known, before he did, that he was worried about all of that? Could she tell?</p><p>It didn't matter. She was his. He was hers. They were <em>together</em>. Wearing-his-clothes together. Kissing-in-the-Great-Hall together. Pressing-legs-at-breakfast together. Knowing-his-secret together.</p><p>And as they laughed over Sirius and Peter's hungover whining and gossiped with Mary over what Ludo had told him and kept a kind eye on Remus, forcing a smile but pushing his food around his plate, another thought struck him: that they might even be becoming best friends together.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>LILY</strong>
</p><hr/><p>"I could pop out of his toilet and make him scream," Myrtle offered, her eyes wide behind her glasses and her smile just slightly too malevolent.</p><p>Lily chuckled lightly and shook her head from where she sat against the bathroom wall with her knees pulled up in front of her, her letter in her lap. "I appreciate it, Myrtle, but then he'd probably insist I be uninvited altogether."</p><p>Myrtle floated down next to Lily so that it looked like her elbows rested on Lily's knees as her palms cradled her chin. "What about your <em>sister</em>? Oohhh, I could hide in her mirror and tell her how ugly she is whenever she looks in it." Myrtle <em>cackled</em>. "I could do it on her <em>wedding day</em>."</p><p>The whine of the door turned their attention to the entrance, and the sound of tentative footsteps was soon followed by the appearance of James, looking around curiously before spotting Lily on the ground with a ghost curled up next to her.</p><p>Myrtle said haughtily, "This is a <em>girls</em> bathroom."</p><p>James smirked at her. "Yeah, I gathered that. Who're you?"</p><p>Was Myrtle—<em>blushing</em>? James's mouth was still arranged with the hint of a smile as he waited for her to answer, and Merlin almighty, she <em>was</em>. Myrtle floated away from Lily, adjusting her hair as she simpered, "I'm Myrtle. And you're <em>James</em>, and this is <em>my</em> bathroom, and you're interrupting my plot to get <em>revenge</em> on <em>her</em> sister."</p><p>Lily fought a smile as James's eyes widened in surprise, and then she patted the floor next to her and said, "He's alright, Myrtle."</p><p>The ghost crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips at him, but she at least floated to the side so James wouldn't have to walk through her. He sat down heavily next to Lily, mimicking her in sitting with his arms resting lightly on his knees.</p><p>Lily looked at him curiously. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>His eyes danced as he pointed at himself and said, "Me, boyfriend," and then pointed at Lily and said, "You, girlfriend."</p><p>She burst into giggles, slapping a hand over her mouth as her eyes watered and she finally said, "Did you just—was that a <em>Tarzan</em> joke?"</p><p>James smiled sheepishly, and Lily shook her head, gasping through giggles, "Potter, you're—<em>ridiculous</em>."</p><p>His eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "And you're laughing."</p><p>Lily's insides warmed. Somehow he did always manage to cheer her up like no one else could. "How do you know what <em>Tarzan</em> is, anyway?"</p><p>He shrugged and tugged absently at his hair. "One summer Remus and I watched all the old Muggle movies his mum has. I think we were about fourteen and Jane was hot, so…"</p><p>Lily arched a brow at him. "My middle name is Jane."</p><p>She thought his cheeks had a hint of pink as he said, "I know."</p><p>"Excuse me," snapped Myrtle, staring at James, "but we were in the middle of Lily <em>finally</em> letting me haunt her sister—"</p><p>"No haunting," Lily admonished her. Myrtle just rolled her eyes.</p><p>James looked back and forth between them. "Er—why is Lily's sister getting haunted?"</p><p>"She's <em>not</em>." Lily glared at him.</p><p>"She <em>deserves</em> it," insisted Myrtle.</p><p>Lily sighed and handed the letter in her lap to James. She'd read it enough times since she'd dashed away from breakfast to have it memorized, though that was a rather easy feat, given that it was only one sentence.</p><p>
  <em>Lily,</em>
</p><p><em>I</em> <em>'m only writing to let you know that I'm engaged to Vernon, and although you obviously have to be invited to the wedding, I'm not going to ask you to be in it because you overshadow everything and I won't have you overshadowing my wedding day, of all things.</em></p><p>
  <em>Petunia</em>
</p><p>James looked up from the letter, a smile tugging at his mouth. "This is why you left after the mail came?"</p><p>She nodded, feeling a little embarrassed at how she'd ran away, but James didn't seem concerned about that as he looked over at her with dancing eyes.</p><p>"Okay, a few things. One, your sister's name is <em>Petunia</em>?"</p><p>Lily chuckled. "My mum's name is Violet, so she wanted to keep the flower names going."</p><p>James blinked at her. "Well thank Merlin you got the good flower."</p><p>Lily snorted.</p><p>"Two, who names their child <em>Vernon</em>?"</p><p>"Someone with the last name <em>Dursley</em>, apparently."</p><p>"<em>Dursley</em>?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>James blinked again. "<em>Petunia</em> is marrying <em>Vernon Dursley</em>?"</p><p>Her eyes watered with the effort of holding in a laugh. "Yes."</p><p>"Crikey, that's something."</p><p>"You don't know the half of it," Lily told him. "The bloke looks like fucking <em>walrus</em>, in mustache <em>and</em> girth."</p><p>James grimaced. "Why am I not surprised? Anyway, third thing." James waived the letter airily. "She kicked you out of her wedding because you're too fucking <em>beautiful</em>? Who does that?"</p><p>"Petunia does," Lily sighed. "Because she hates me. And she would disagree with you, by the way. She's told me more than once that my hair is <em>abnormal</em>." Her voice shifted into that false falsetto she used to impersonate her sister as she went on, "Just like everything else about you. Why can't you just be normal, Lily? Why did my only sister have to be a freak that goes off to freak school?"</p><p>Her voice cracked a little at that last word, and James set his hand on her knee, squeezing gently. Lily looked up at him through blurred eyes and felt her insides warm as she saw his concerned gaze.</p><p>"She really said that to you?"</p><p>Lily nodded jerkily. "She's called me a freak since I was eleven."</p><p>"Because you got your Hogwarts letter?"</p><p>She smiled weakly. "Because she <em>didn't</em> get one."</p><p>James's eyes went wide, but he didn't say anything.</p><p>Lily took a deep breath. "Sev started hanging around after he saw me do magic by accident at the park once. He was the one that told me about magic, about all of it—Hogwarts, the Ministry, everything. And I turned around and told Tuney, and back then she was really interested in it. When I got my letter, she cried for days when she didn't get one too, and she even wrote to Professor Dumbledore to ask him if she could come to Hogwarts. But once she got his letter telling her she didn't have magic, she just—decided that I was a freak. I mean, she treats me like I'm a…<em>bug</em> or something—"</p><p>"She's jealous."</p><p>Lily's eyes snapped up to James, who was watching her with a thoughtful expression.</p><p>"You're gorgeous, and wicked smart, and you get to go to a magic boarding school that she was explicitly not invited to." James chuckled, shaking his head. "She's <em>so</em> fucking jealous." He waved the letter again. "And you realize this is her way of retaliating, right? Like, she thinks she's one-upping you. Some <em>I wasn't included in your school, so I'm not including you in my wedding</em> thing?"</p><p>Myrtle laughed, making Lily jump—she'd completely forgotten Myrtle was there, but she definitely was, floating above them on her side with one hand propping up her face. "She deserves to be <em>so</em> haunted."</p><p>James seemed to consider her a moment, and then he nodded. "Yeah, I think I agree with Myrtle on this one."</p><p>Lily scoffed. "I am not <em>terrorizing</em> my sister with <em>magic</em>."</p><p>James's eyes twinkled. "Can <em>I</em> terrorize her with magic?"</p><p>Lily fought a smile. "<em>No</em>."</p><p>"How about Walrus, can I terrorize him?"</p><p>She bit the inside of her cheek. "Maybe."</p><p>James grinned, and then before Lily knew what was happening, his mouth was on hers, something gentle and sweet, and then just as quickly it was gone and he murmured, "And in case you needed reminding, you're the most freakishly beautiful, smart, incredible freak of all us freaks in this school, yeah?"</p><p>Lily smiled back at him, heat pooling in her stomach at the intensity of his gaze, at how those gold flecks mixed with green and brown combined to that dazzling color, and somehow, just then, being a freak seemed rather preferable if, by her sister's definition, this wonder of a boy was a freak too.</p><p>"Ugh," Myrtle pouted, making Lily start again, "you two are being so <em>boring</em>, go be happy somewhere <em>else</em>."</p><p>"Yeah, we will," James told her absently, getting to his feet and pulling Lily up by the hand. "Say, Myrtle? You think you'd consider haunting someone I didn't like?"</p><p>Myrtle hovered in front of him, arms crossed. "I don't normally help <em>boys</em>."</p><p>James smiled charmingly. "Well, Lily here thinks I'm a <em>man</em>—"</p><p>Lily pinched her nose and muttered, "Oh, for fuck's sake—"</p><p>But Myrtle positively <em>simpered</em>. "I'm always open to exceptions." She giggled and then looked back at him over her shoulder. "Come visit my toilet any time, James." And with that, she disappeared into her favorite stall, marking her exit with a <em>splash</em>.</p><p>James turned to Lily. "Did she really just—"</p><p>"Hit on you? Yes."</p><p>"But—"</p><p>Lily tugged him through the door, ignoring his spluttering, and once they were safely out of earshot, she yanked on his arm and whispered, "She's a boy-crazy fourteen-year-old from the forties, what d'you expect?"</p><p>"But she's a <em>ghost</em>—"</p><p>"And <em>don't</em> remind her, or she'll flood the place and you'll learn why she's called <em>Moaning Myrtle</em>."</p><p>James stopped walking, staring at her incredulously. "<em>Moaning</em>?"</p><p>Lily bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "Uh-huh."</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair, mumbling, "Merlin, how have we never <em>known </em>of her—imagine the <em>pranks</em>, Lily. <em>Fuck</em>, she could've helped us <em>loads</em> of times—"</p><p>Lily looked over both shoulders and then pushed him up against the wall, reaching on her tiptoes to kiss him. He seemed momentarily surprised but didn't protest, which was all for the better, because she didn't want to have to try to explain why him getting so flustered over <em>pranks that could have been</em> made her need to snog him senseless—even to herself.</p><p>Her fingers slid up his neck and into his hair as his hands slipped under her—well, <em>his</em>—sweatshirt, pressing hotly into her back as he held her against him. <em>Merlin</em>, James Potter could kiss. She'd known this since their very first kiss, <em>obviously</em>, but it still hit her like a freight train every damn time. His mouth was just so <em>assertive</em>, like he kissed with the same confidence he had when he flew, and though she'd been kissing him for the better part of two months now, she somehow still wasn't used to it, and she wasn't sure she ever would be.</p><p>She'd hardly noticed how she was pressed up against him but she heard the soft groan in his throat and massaged her fingers gently in his hair—</p><p>"Oh! My goodness!"—Lily jumped and whipped her head around to see the Fat Friar, a generally cheerful ghost who must have floated through the wall right next to them, waggling his finger with a smile—"Not quite appropriate hallway behavior, now, but not to worry, I won't go telling."</p><p>Lily cleared her throat. "Er—thanks?"</p><p>But the Fat Friar just chortled and started floating in the opposite direction, humming to himself.</p><p>James leaned his head back against the wall with a sigh. "I think I've had enough ghosts for one day."</p><p>Lily couldn't agree more.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>CORRESPONDENCE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Dear Mum, </em>
</p><p><em>I have some good news and some not-as-good news. The good news is that James Potter is officially my boyfriend. Yes, I</em> <em>'m grinning ear-to-ear. Yes, I know I've complained about him every summer and I know you're going to say you told me so but I'm ignoring you. And yes, I wish you could meet him this instant. He's really something special, and even though he spent the past several years being a total prat, I've somehow found myself falling in love with him. So there, you were right, so were my girlfriends, I'm happy as an idiot, blah blah blah. </em></p><p><em>The not-as-good news is that something happened, which I won</em> <em>'t get into because I'm perfectly safe and healthy, so don't worry, but suffice it to say that things outside school are a little dangerous right now with the wizarding war going on. Because of all of this, Dumbledore wants me and our friend Remus to stay with the Potters over the Christmas holidays instead of venturing back into the Muggle side of the world. </em></p><p><em>And if you</em> <em>'re thinking, how convenient, daughter, that you are being told by your Headmaster to stay at your boyfriend's house for the holidays, you're not totally wrong that I'm excited, because the thought of spending two weeks without him is truly horrific. But I am sad it will mean missing Christmas with you and Dad (and Petunia, I suppose, even though she's just written me to tell me in one sentence—literally just one—that she's engaged but doesn't want me in the wedding). And I promise it really is for safety, to keep students under certain magical protection over break. </em></p><p><em>And if you</em> <em>'re wondering, gee, daughter, why is it that your boyfriend's house of all places so conveniently has such magical protection, it is because his mother is the Chairwoman of the Hogwarts Board of Directors and his parents are absurdly wealthy and his house is actually an estate in the West Country called Stinchcombe Park, and it has the same protective enchantments as Hogwarts, so there's no safer place to be. (And I've met his parents when they've been up at school, and they're really lovely—I know you'd all get on so well. Well, maybe not Petunia, your stick-in-the-mud daughter, but you and Dad would love them.) </em></p><p><em>Other than that, classes are good, being Head Girl brings headaches every day, my girlfriends are all doing well, and our group of friends is really having a lot of fun together, so that makes the drudge of homework more bearable. I also get to go to Stinchcombe Park with James later this month for the Governors</em> <em>' Dinner, which is apparently a fancy occasion for all the school Governors to get together and eat rich-people foods, and which the Head Students traditionally attend. The Potters are hosting since Euphemia is Chairwoman (oh yeah, they have quite unique names: Euphemia and Fleamont, or Euphie and Flea), so I'm very excited to get out of the castle for a weekend away, even though I'm also a little nervous to go to James's house.</em></p><p>
  <em>Say hello to Dad for me. Miss you both, as always.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All my love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lily</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>JAMES</strong>
</p><hr/><p>When Marlene didn't show for lunch and James found out from Mary that she'd asked Dahlia to study in the library instead of with the rest of them in the common room, he knew he had to take matters into his own hands. He found her at a table in the Charms section, flipping pages of her textbook idly while Dahlia read Herbology and—James smirked at the sight—Edgar sat on Dahlia's other side, his arm resting against hers as he scratched away at his parchment.</p><p>James cleared his throat. "Marly, can I talk to you?"</p><p>Three pairs of eyes fixed on him, and Marlene huffed, "If he's sent you—"</p><p>"No one's sent me. I just want to talk to you."</p><p>Dahlia nodded almost imperceptibly, a small smile on her face, and James took that as encouragement that he'd read the situation correctly. Also probably as a signal that she would prefer to spend her Sunday afternoon alone with Edgar.</p><p>Marlene sighed, thumping her book shut and hoisting up her bag. "Fine," she agreed.</p><p>James stuffed his hands in his pockets, leading her out the library's double-doors and into an empty classroom, locking and silencing the door before sitting on a desk, his feet in its chair.</p><p>Marlene sat in the desk in front of him, folding her arms at the elbows. "What? I <em>know</em> what you're going to say—"</p><p>"Marly." James held her gaze. "What if you found out my secret?"</p><p>Her eyes went wide, and he knew he had her attention. "What?"</p><p>James forced a straight face. "I'm a vampire."</p><p>Marlene scoffed and rolled her eyes as she sat back in her chair.</p><p>"No, really—play along."</p><p>She gave a huff and crossed her arms, but she looked at him expectantly, so James went on, "I got turned, but I have a magical talisman that allows me to walk around in the day and live like a normal person, and, um…I keep a secret stash of blood to drink so I don't get too thirsty." He thought fast, wondering if there were any other details he needed to account for to make it a compelling hypothetical. "Also so I'm not a danger to anyone. Honestly, I'm more dangerous with my wand than my fangs, just ask Snape—"</p><p>Marlene snorted and rolled her eyes. "You're such a <em>prat</em>—"</p><p>James spoke over her. "The lads know because they found out early on—hard not to, when you share a dorm with them. So they help me and they keep my secret because my <em>entire life</em> would be ruined—turned upside down in an <em>instant</em>. People would want me kicked out of school, I wouldn't be able to get a job." He arched a brow. "S'pose that last bit wouldn't matter for <em>me</em> because I could just live of my inheritance, but imagine if I <em>didn't have that</em> to fall back on. If I also had a Muggle parent I had to worry about and help take care of."</p><p>Marlene's eyes were suddenly swimming in tears.</p><p>James softened his voice. "So imagine you found out, and I asked you—as <em>my</em> friend—not to tell Lily."</p><p>She opened her mouth, then paused and closed it again, her brow furrowed.</p><p>"We're friends, Marly. We've known each other since we were kids. You know you can trust me. And besides, it's not your secret to tell, it's <em>mine</em>—"</p><p>"But doesn't she <em>deserve</em> to know?"</p><p>James shrugged. "Probably. Okay, definitely. But does that mean it's <em>your</em> place to tell her?"</p><p>Marlene swallowed hard, the first of her tears spilling onto her cheeks. She wiped them away with a sniff. "Fuck, I don't know. She's my <em>friend</em>, I have to look <em>out</em> for her."</p><p>"But she's not in danger."</p><p>"But—but she <em>deserves</em> to <em>know</em> if the bloke she's dating is a bloody <em>vampire</em>." Marlene gesticulated wildly, tears falling silently as the words burst out of her. "It's who he <em>is</em>, it's <em>part</em> of him, how are you supposed to consider yourself in a completely trusting relationship when you don't <em>know</em> something as fundamental as <em>I turn into a deadly werewolf every month</em>. I mean, for fuck's sake, I'm his <em>girlfriend</em> and I'm the <em>last one</em> to bloody know!"</p><p>She slumped into a desk, burying her face in her hands, and when she spoke again, her voice sounded small. Defeated. "How the fuck didn't I <em>notice</em>?"</p><p>James lowered himself into the chair in front of her, folding his arms over its back. <em>Finally</em>, they could talk about the real issue that was going on, and not this channeling-anger-at-Lily bullshit.</p><p>"Maybe you didn't want to," James suggested quietly. "Or—maybe we just spun a really good lie."</p><p>He knew it wasn't comforting, but it was the truth.</p><p>Marlene took a shaky breath. "He told me that he never told me before because he was trying to protect me."</p><p>James nodded. "Makes sense. It was safer for you not to know."</p><p>Marlene shook her head, the tears coming harder. "Not just that. Obviously I'd never be around when he—" She gulped a breath, but just moved on. "He meant, like, plausible deniability. If it got out somehow, it wouldn't reflect badly on me. I wouldn't get any fallout, b-because I'd look like the—the <em>victim</em>, so I'd—I'd have an easy out if I—if I wanted."</p><p>Her hands covered her face, and James reached up and grasped her wrists lightly. "Marly. He <em>loves</em> you. He would do <em>anything</em> to keep the prejudice he'll face from affecting you. Hell, he'd do anything to protect us lads too, but three on one's a lot tougher and we force him to let us be there for him."</p><p>Marlene chuckled through her sob, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "He's such a fucking <em>martyr</em>, isn't he?"</p><p>James chuckled. "I s'pose he is. Look, for what it's worth, Lily wanted him to tell you."</p><p>Marlene blinked up at him through wet eyes. "She did?"</p><p>He pulled his hands back, crossing them back over the ridge of the chair. "Yeah. She figured it out on her own, and she told him she knew, and she wanted him to tell you. She also found a new potion in her research for Slughorn, something that will help him at full moons. He'll stay conscious, not be in any pain."</p><p>Her eyes widened. "That <em>exists</em>?"</p><p>James shrugged. "I guess so, yeah. It was just published pretty recently, and it looks bloody complicated, but we've started collecting ingredients, and we're going to try to make it for him."</p><p>Marlene looked pained as she said, "<em>I</em> should have been the one helping him—"</p><p>"And you <em>can</em> be, Marly." James took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "Is it really any surprise that he put off telling you because your reaction is the one he's been most afraid of?"</p><p>She sighed, her shoulders deflating, as she played with her fingers. "No, I suppose not."</p><p>"He's terrified." James thought back to how Remus seemed at breakfast, in the common room, not at all his normal self. "He expects everyone to reject him as soon as they find out. And the <em>waiting</em>, to see if you're going to be the one to do it—it's killing him, Marly."</p><p>Her voice was thick with new tears as she said, "I don't want to not be with him. He's my—my <em>person</em>."</p><p>Relief flooded his limbs; he hadn't even realized how tense he'd been over the fate of his friend's relationship. "So go be with him."</p><p>Marlene nodded, then asked, "And—and Lily? Does she hate me? Oh, Merlin, and what she went through was horrific, and I just <em>screamed</em> at her—"</p><p>James shook his head, chuckling despite himself. "<em>No</em>, Marly. She doesn't hate you." He pushed to his feet, grabbing her bag with one hand and holding out the other. "C'mon, let's go back to the common room."</p><p>She wiped her tears as she got to her feet and then hugged him, mumbling a faint, "Thank you," into his chest.</p><p>James gave her a gentle squeeze, then released her to ruffle her hair. "I expect you to never forget silencing charms again."</p><p>Marlene burst into a laugh. "You fucking git."</p><p>But she seemed like more of her cheerful self after that, and they spent the walk back to Gryffindor Tower talking about what it would be like to be a vampire in Hogwarts ("Would you still eat black pudding, d'you think?").</p><p>When they walked through the portrait hole, James saw Remus's face change, saw the smile spread over his cheeks, as Marlene made straight for him and folded herself in his lap, hugging him tightly. James's eyes darted over to Lily; she was already beaming at him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>On Tumblr at missgryffin, let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>